5.5 avg
  1163 days
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  157 followers
6 Penelope P
36m ·
Then he sends me a sweet email to say he's sorry for not being in touch all day & he hadn't forgotten me. Didn't think he had for one minute. I knew he was busy today. Oh lord, this is tough for me.
Cindy M
16m ·

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4 Penelope P
6h ·
My best friend popped round for ten minutes which was really appreciated. Almost finished chores, just kitchen to clean which I hate doing. Going to have lunch. Thinking of M only a little.
Robert H
6h ·

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Alicia B
6h ·

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Cindy M
6h ·

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3 Penelope P
11h ·
Terrible night's sleep but that's not what the Fitbit says and I don't actually feel too bad. It's gloomy today though. Wish the sun would come out, it might just help my mood a little.
Metron A
9h ·

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Carmen H
7h ·

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Alicia B
6h ·

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Cindy M
6h ·

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3 Penelope P
23h ·
So I text to see if he had a good day. I get no enquiry as to how mine was or how I'm doing. It's a perfect example of how things always are. One sided. But I should be grateful I'm not alone, eh?
Cindy M
23h ·

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Maria F
23h ·

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maria B
22h ·

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Maria K
22h ·

Yes a lot of times I forget to ask, how was your day back. I think just put it out there, well MY Day was... If the response is not caring then I would take that as a bad sign.

Maria K
22h ·

I know I hate being alone too. But that kind of friendship will only mess with you more

nixiblu .
19h ·

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nixiblu .
19h ·

With my parents I always used to call them (as they never call me) and say hello hi how are you. To which I got a long answer but never a and how are you

nixiblu .
19h ·

So now I continue to call them and say hello. But then I pause and wait for them to ask me how I am

nixiblu .
19h ·

I think sometimes people just don't think and it is not anything personal

Xavier M
17h ·

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Penelope P
11h ·

Thanks all. Sorry Maria, I love being alone, I was being sarcastic about what a friend had said to me if you see my earlier post.

Alicia B
6h ·

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Alicia B
6h ·

It's true, I sometimes forget to ask back, too. When I'm too excited about my news, or just too flat to be interested in anything. I try to make a point of asking, because I don't want my close ones to feel bad, but in reality I'm not very interested

Alicia B
6h ·

in, for example, how their work was, because usually work is all the same stuff every day, right? I sound like a jerk, I know, but I do love to listen to people when they talk about how they feel. They don't do it too often, though.

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3 Penelope P
1d ·
Had a nap but woke up with a panic attack thinking I needed to call an ambulance as certain death was upon me. I hate those, hope they're not starting again. Still don't feel that good.
me M
1d ·

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Cindy M
23h ·

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Maria F
23h ·

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nixiblu .
19h ·

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Alicia B
6h ·

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4 Penelope P
1d ·
Ended up having to go into town so two hours out of the house and knee aching. Still a bit woolly headed. Going to have some lunch to see if food and coffee helps.
Robert H
1d ·

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Xavier M
1d ·

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Jeff M
1d ·

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me M
1d ·

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Alicia B
6h ·

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4 Penelope P
1d ·
Slept in, headache again. Just had breakfast. Will be going out for a walk to clear my head and collect my prescription soon. If I can get motivated that is. Happy to be solitary today.
Leona S
1d · NEW

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Linda H
1d ·

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Xavier M
1d ·

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Cindy M
23h ·

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1 Penelope P
2d ·
So one of my closest friends says I will end up stuck in all on my own over winter if I end things with M. She forgets that I don't mind being on my own at all, it's how I was before him
Penelope P
2d ·

and it's how I'll end up once he has tired of me. It scares me not. Took some effort but I think I've successfully put him off meeting up tomorrow and he's busy Sat/Sun. Hopefully a nice peaceful three days ALONE, just how I like it.

Natalie C
2d ·

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Urzara Z
2d · NEW

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nixiblu .
2d ·

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Cindy M
2d ·

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Xavier M
2d ·

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1 Penelope P
3d ·
Considering cooling things with M. I hear my panda pals' wise words but there's only so long I can be grateful to him for using me. I get nothing from him, laughs & company that's all. It's not enough
Penelope P
3d ·

He uses me for hospitality, company & more worryingly for sexual favours. All I want is someone that can admit they want to be with me. He doesn't. He wouldn't even admit he likes me. What sort of relationship is that. None.

Penelope P
3d ·

I feel cheap, pathetic, simpering. I want to see him all the time. I need reassurance. I get nothing. Wasting my time, I don't want someone who is so emotionally stagnant.

Leona S
3d · NEW

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Leona S
3d · NEW

if u already know that he's not what you want start thinking about 'getting rid' of him. your mental health is more important than him and you'll feel better without him bringin you down xx

C J
3d · NEW

I've been in one of these “relationships.” Do what's best for you, your partner shouldn't be the one making you feel terrible about yourself, even if they “can't help it.” Good luck x

Jeff M
2d ·

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Jeff M
2d ·

I can understand that. If you feel like you're being used negatively, and it's affecting you so much and so often, maybe this is wise. Perhaps talk to him...you may be able to step away for a while and reemerge as just friends down the line?

Cindy M
2d ·

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Xavier M
2d ·

Ik I'm justa kd and all but hypothetically speaking, if he is using you for just company and sex, but won't say he likes you, then wth are u still doing with him. If he wants to be a douche bag than let him do that away from you.

Xavier M
2d ·

You deserve better Penelope... we all do at times. You explain time and time again that he isn't always there for you, and how he doenst see you as more than a friend or sometimes doenst even acknowledge you are there...

Xavier M
2d ·

'I feel cheap, pathetic, simpering.' well hello, you are none of those things. Keep ur chin up girl... and find some1 better than him, some1 who can be there for you, and doesnt just want u around for pleasure. Sorry bout the language but I just got

Xavier M
2d ·

riled up. Dont let him weigh you down, instead throw him off and fly.- Your pal, Xavier :)

Penelope P
1d ·

Thanks all for your comments. Hopefully a little time apart this weekend will help me get my head around how I really feel.

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3 Penelope P
4d ·
And someone said to me today “I would feel used if I were you”. Yes. To all the people who kept telling me to give him time, this is what you're now starting to think. Arrrrgggghhhhh!!!
Alicia B
4d ·

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Alicia B
4d ·

Used. Such a stupid concept. It all depends on the point of view, doesn't it? Anyone can be sse as used by their partner. For money, for support, for love, for sex, for self-confidence, for companionship, for not being alone when old, for not being

Alicia B
4d ·

cold at night, for getting you medicine when you're ill, for telling you you look amazing when you've gained weight, for holding your hand before a surgery, for telling you a bad joke at a bad time, for whatever, for being human and being there.

Alicia B
4d ·

Used. I don't like the concept.

Alicia B
4d ·

I mean, what use are we to each other, if we are of no use?

Jeff M
4d ·

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Jeff M
4d ·

I love Alicia's perspective. Some people use people badly, and some people let themselves be used badly. But also, there's people using each other in the way Alicia says...

me M
3d ·

It can be mutual, think you're also taking advantage of him he makes you feel good, you laugh, you go out and you enjoy it, You can always look for someone more suitable and in the meantime he's there, as long as you're honest with each other it's ok

me M
3d ·

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John T
3d ·

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John T
3d ·

Alicia is very very intelligent, so yes, listen to her!

Cindy M
3d ·

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3 Penelope P
4d ·
Slightly sort of nowhere.
Robert H
4d ·

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Cindy M
4d ·

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Alicia B
4d ·

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4 Penelope P
5d ·
Headache now.
Zoe D
5d ·

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Tristan G
5d ·

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Alicia B
5d ·

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Cindy M
5d ·

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Jeff M
4d ·

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7 Penelope P
6d ·
Last day before back to work so not happy. Going to chill today, do crafty and arty things and try to stay calm. Not easy because I hate my workplace. Still on a high after seeing M which helps.
Cindy M
6d ·

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Kym S
6d ·

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Jeff M
6d ·

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Robert H
6d ·

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Alicia B
5d ·

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9 Penelope P
7d ·
M came round for a short visit. We just talked & watched some TV. Love, love, love spending this sort of time with him. Miss him a lot now. Not going to see him as much over next two weeks 😔
Keeping Track A
7d ·

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Cindy M
7d ·

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Alicia B
7d ·

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nixiblu .
5d ·

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5 Penelope P
7d ·
Most of chores done. Not heard from M which is strange. Not going to dwell on it but I don't know what I'm doing this afternoon so will have plenty of time to overthink. Must get a shower & buck up.
Manda P
7d ·

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Cindy M
7d ·

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Alicia B
7d ·

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nixiblu .
5d ·

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6 Penelope P
7d ·
Need to get some chores done today because I was lazy yesterday. Whilst all the time wondering if I will be picked up to be played with. And then dropped again. Obviously.
Cindy M
7d ·

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Alicia B
7d ·

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6 Penelope P
09 Nov 2018 ·
Met a friend at costa, bit of food shopping then came home and tidied round. Feeling better now lady business has arrived and I have an excuse to snuggle up and rest. With the heating on full blast!
me M
09 Nov 2018 ·

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Maite P
09 Nov 2018 ·

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John T
09 Nov 2018 ·

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Cindy M
09 Nov 2018 ·

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Alicia B
7d ·

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nixiblu .
5d ·

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4 Penelope P
09 Nov 2018 ·
Weird when I think over comments M made about staying in holiday cottages & looking at homes on TV we could live in. It's like he sees us living together. Maybe I shouldn't think over comments.
me M
09 Nov 2018 ·

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Jeff M
09 Nov 2018 ·

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Jeff M
09 Nov 2018 ·

Perhaps he's comfortable with you, which is not really ideal. Comfort without love is not a good relationship. Or, also very likely, he feels strongly for you but is repressing it or something. That's my guess! Give him time to come around! :)

Penelope P
09 Nov 2018 ·

Thanks Jeff, I think we all know he is very repressed! Since my break up 8 years ago I have learnt to become open & honest with my feelings. His marriage seems to have been more like a friendship so I guess that's all that he knows really.

Penelope P
09 Nov 2018 ·

It's very hard for me when I don't get much response about anything verbally yet physically he always wants the cuddles and intimacy. Confusing, frustrating but I love him so I do just have to give him time like you say.

Cindy M
09 Nov 2018 ·

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Alicia B
7d ·

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Alicia B
7d ·

It must be something, loving someone that way. I don't know if I'd ever experienced such strong emotion coupled with such clarity and patience. You are amazing, and he is one lucky guy.

Penelope P
6d ·

Thank you dear Alicia bear. I am definitely finding the intensity of how much I care for him quite terrifying if I'm honest. Because it means when he dumps me the hurt will be bad.

Penelope P
6d ·

I know he doesn't feel the same and he doesn't want me to get so deep but I can't help myself, my love for him does not have control settings.

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6 Penelope P
08 Nov 2018 ·
Lovely day & I think M enjoyed it too. I felt low to start with but he hadn't got my text last night, it came thru when I was with him. Awkward. Got wounded by a comment he made but pushed past it.
Cindy M
08 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
08 Nov 2018 ·

Was just reading your previous posts - glad it turned out to be good overall

Penelope P
08 Nov 2018 ·

I can't stay upset because I adore him so much. Have never, ever felt a love like this before & it just gets stronger. It scares me & I know I'll end up so heartbroken again 😥

Penelope P
08 Nov 2018 ·

Thanks Cindy bear, big hugs my friend x

Maite P
08 Nov 2018 ·

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nixiblu .
08 Nov 2018 ·

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Alicia B
09 Nov 2018 ·

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3 Penelope P
08 Nov 2018 ·
M picking me up in less than an hour and I keep getting all teary. This is so hard. A little part of me wishes he hadn't come back into my life because I'm finding this tougher than when he wasn't.
Oi O
08 Nov 2018 · NEW

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me M
08 Nov 2018 ·

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Kristina B
08 Nov 2018 ·

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Jeff M
08 Nov 2018 ·

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Linda H
08 Nov 2018 ·

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Cindy M
08 Nov 2018 ·

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