Take care Binky. Positive thoughts. Keep focused as you 'fly through the cloud of depression'. Big Pandy Cuddles
Hang in there Binky. Let us know how you are doing. Maybe the depression will not occur and all may be well.
You can win this. Cheering for you as
Sadness just wants to express itself. You're leaving, big changes, some uncertainties and doubts are there. You're needing reassurance, maybe, safety, purpose, clarity. That's probably what the emotion is pointing to. Feel. Acknowledge. Investigate.
Like this, you recruit curiosity, courage, openness, desire for peace, for joy, for meaning. Sadness has company. Feels better when seen & embraced by the team.
Hang in there, Binky. You'll make it through this. Pandas got your back! <3
be changed. Eventually atmosphere improved, after it was over. I really still felt bad of course, but the most imprudent thing is I did what I could to rectify and accepted the situation.
I like not caring. Because I care too much.
Accept it and move on... Why is this so hard? Why was I able to do it yesterday when it usually eludes me, or at least I spend what feels like forever beating myself up.
trying to get people to pick me up for later. Layer, with friend (Rose) checked messages and no one could pick me up, couldn't be bothered to contact anyone else. On hospital grounds.
3. Still in same place, I notice they are spraying in the clouds, but it's not geoengineering, or maybe it is, they are spraying SPF and something else which I can't remember into the sky. I thought, 'this makes sense now, I totally understood the
whole chemtrails thing (FYI, I actually think it's a hoax). And I noticed the sky was very cloudy, and I was thinking, 'it was never like this in Australia'. 4. I was in a changing room with some mute play actors, who were about to perform.
I was looking at all the dresses and trying some on. I really liked a couple of them, I tried one on which was blue with big flowers on it, cross neck, full. They were all made if man made materials. I got it on but the curtain kept blowing open,
people were walking by, but I was fairly calm and focusing on the dresses while trying to keep the curtain closed. Then the mute actors came back, I noticed I had the dress on backwards and my boobs were showing, so I fixed it with some help, luckily
I realised the actors must be used to getting changed together. It was quite a mumsy looking dress. 5. I walked into an open TV room, must have been inside the hospital. There were white chairs in a semi circle around the TV. In the middle, a grumpy old
fat man was sitting watching the TV. Every advert that came on he exclaimed disbelief. I forget the first one, but the second one was for Doritos and he said, 'Doritos? What the hell are they? Never heard of em! I bet no-one eats them!!'
At the first advert I'd replied to him, as I was sitting down next to him, but by this one I was already tired of this grumpy man and no one else was saying anything. I didn't want to encourage his out of touch, OTT rants so I just didn't respond.
Oh and I forgot the 'chemtrails' were coming from a helicopter but it didn't have the body of a helicopter, instead the propellers were attached to a chunky white van! Lol.
I was thinking of asking my foster mum to pick me up but I thought she's probably busy and I don't wanna bother her.
Even though she lives near the hospital.
OMG, this is so weird. I dreamt I was a van pilot spraying Hawaiian Tropic SPF 15 over Australia so the earth could get a beautiful tan. My co-pilot said, 'Dude, I need to get a dress for my wife. It's our anniversary.'
So we landed the helicopter van, but kept the rotors spinning which created downdraft. We went inside the store. There was a young lady trying on a blue dress with flowers. The draft from the rotors blew open the curtains.
I started miming to my co-pilot to cut the engine. He did. Eventually finding a dress for his wife. As we exited the store, there was this grumpy old man ranting about Doritos and the woman in the dress was like whatever. I thought I recognized her.
We got back in the helicopter van. I looked at my co-pilot and said, Time to make some contrails. And he was like, Dude, I feel like I'm just an actor in someone else's dream.
Haha this is the funniest story I've read in ages. Thank you :-) a personalised dream weaving story, wow! At first I really thought it was your dream and I was totally awestruck. Thank you, Love 1.
A small gift of humor for you, Binky. :)
Big hugs Binky. I hope you feel better soon. Take care. Big hugs Binky
Thank you Stephen :-)
Sleep well Binky. Sweetdreams
Sleep clears the mind. Sending you a flock of sheep.
Hope you're watching lovely dreams :)
Thanks Stephen, Love, Aysa et al.!
At work, a regular customer came in, one who I know pretty well. I was chatting about how I'm leaving soon. It turns out he's running a digital banking start-up and always looking for staff. The thing is, I don't have the right skills at the moment.
But I got the feeling that, if I did hand such skills, he'd be happy to give me a job (pending interview etc, of course). This gave me hope, that yes maybe someone will hire me for a professional job in the future..
Like when my boss told me 'you could do it', when he was talking about his previous job as IT consultant. So I must have good qualities... Maybe I do have potential after all? I just don't have a strong skill set to back it up.
Anyway later it hit me a bit that I'm leaving Melbourne. And I was also upset because I was having (or working through?) self-doubts about my potential work performance (prompted by that customer's 'offer'). Very teary, ended up crying in the shower.
Another thing that happened is a hairdresser who works nearby came over and started chatting to me. He said he likes me, but luckily he didn't come across as 'expectant'. He only offered his Instagram, I was relieved !
I also said goodbye to the girl who works in the pharmacy. She's also leaving her job, but to study screen writing of all things. Good luck to her, I say. I was almost late for dance class because I was chatting with people so much.
Thanks Ali and Ly. Big hugs x
Take care Binky. Big Pandy Cuddles
Getting good feedback must make you feel good! And all those great interactions shows you have great social and interpersonal skills. That's valuable! You can develop IT skills if that appeals to you! Glad the dance was fun!
Thanks dear Stephen *warm fluffy panda hug*
Thank you Jeff bear for your encouragement. The feedback did make me feel good, I got a sense of hope... I think this eventually gave way to sadness because it fixed me to consider, A) I still haven't made as much progress as I'd liked
forced* B) hope caused more to confront/entertain the idea of actually doing something hard but valuable, like a career, which is actually something I seem to be very insecure about, full of self-doubt.
Sure, I understand both of those...I think everyone feels that. I certainly do. Change is hard. Trying is super hard. Loads of self-doubt. But it can be exciting too! And sometimes you just have to push past that doubt and believe in yourself!
Sounds like a busy but good day. I think you're appreciated
This must be confusing time in your life. Take good care of yourself! I also believe that you have the potential to any job Binky. Maybe you need some training first but anything is possible if you just decide so!
Lovely to have such wonderful social interactions. And, yes, you can be anything. Choose something & go for it!
Thanks Jeff, I know you're right. Believing in myself is the hardest part.
And Esther, Claire, Manda- thank y'all for your ongoing panda cheerleading. Seems I've developed a southern drawl... Aw, heck. I kinda like it.
A Southern drawl is nice. I lived in the Carolinas for awhile & picked some up. It was fun. Back up in the Midwest now & 'y'all' turned to 'you guys' & 'aw, heck' has always been, 'aw, f*ck'. ;)
Binky Since I have been on MP (only about a month) reading your post / thread / comments I got the impression of a very confident & very able young woman - with experience 'in life'. I think you will have no problem finding career based employment
Oops. At one point I went to my room for something, and quickly checked my phone. I had a message from 'A' just saying 'Hey'. It was hard not to respond... I think if I hadn't been busy I might have replied.
I honestly didn't think he would message me, I mean, I'm leaving the country soon! Funny thing is I was clearing out my phone the day before and came across pics of him. Admittedly, I kept most of them.
I'm not sure if I should respond.
Leave that chapter of your life Bink
Maybe you shouldn't? Maybe you can keep in touch when you're in the UK, then there is no danger of anything but friendship
What does your heart say?
I suppose if you want to remain friends with him, it would be nice to see him as a send-off. But if you're not comfortable, let it go... leave that chapter of your life behind and look forward to the next one! So glad you had fun! :)
Safe journey back to the UK Binky. Big Hugs. Take good care of yourself
Thanks all. I still haven't spoken to him, and haven't had much time to listen to my heart. It's ambivalence, Love is close to hate. And fear.
That's wonderful, Binky that is really nice. Big Pandy Cuddles
I would never have the guts to go to a dance class, but wish I did!
Thats awesome. I let my young students dance in class if they care to. Some simply cannot resist the invitation to dance when the music begins. Glad you're enjoying yourself.
Don't let those moods and thoughts run you. We can choose which moods and which thoughts to embrace and grow and discard the others. Or, sometimes, you just have to distract yourself when those nagging moods take over! Good luck, Binkybear!
Wow. That's so
Wow. That's such an eye opener to me. Thank you. We don't have to be. We can just focus on the positive thoughts
I just found some old paperwork from therapy years ago that was all about focusing on positive thoughts. I have a hard time doing that.
I came across something today about being a slave to our self-cherishing nature. Not quite the same wording, but this is the root, I think, of the afflictive emotions that bring me woe. Can't speak for others, but this resonated with me.
Oh and I decided to try the fried chicken down the road, it was tasty! I noticed that I do feel bogged down after eating fatty food, though.
Apart from that I'm just trying to arrange my final days. I have six days left in Australia now...
Oh wow! Where are you moving to? (if you don't mind my asking; you don't have to answer) Hope all goes smoothly and you stay in touch on MP. We love you here!
You've been there for how long & are just now trying food 'down the road.' Silly Binky.
Come to America- it's great again!
Thank you so much Asya :-) I'm moving back 2 England, where I am from originally. I am not sure if I'll stay long in my home town, go to LDN instead, or head off travelling again. Options! I'll definitely stay on MP, because I love this community.
Lol Manda! I left it to the last minute didn't I, hmm that sounds familiar. If I can leave food to the last minute, no wonder my coursework suffered a similar fate at uni a few years ago xD
Haha, Love. Trump's rhetoric really resonated with plenty of Americans, didn't it? I'm going back to Britain, where *cough* 'politicians' like Trump want to 'put the Great back in Great Britain!'. God help us.
Oh wow, not long anymore! Enjoy beautiful Australia when you still can and good luck for the UK!
God will help make Great Britain great again. God plays favorites, just say the magic words and obey those who know best or you will be smited.