5.2 avg
  1485 days
  19493 hugs
  218 followers
5 Esther B
6h ·
back at work full-time after being there once a week for the last 6 weeks.. weird but okay. had a decent day. bit anxious. need to stop drinking coffee. sleeping without meds.
Lydia R
6h ·

*Hugs*

Beth M
6h ·

*Hugs*

Nick N
6h ·

I'm very jealous of the sleeping without meds. Hope the return to full-time working goes well.

Kara L
4h ·

*Hugs*

Richard E
4h ·

*Hugs*

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2 Esther B
2d ·
asked ex what's wrong with me that no-one wants to be with me. how long do I need to keep on trying to open up for someone just to be left out again?
Penelope P
2d ·

*Hugs*

Penelope P
2d ·

I understand this fully Esther, I'm exactly the same :(

Richard E
1d ·

*Hugs*

Tuxi A
1d ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
1d ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
2d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
2d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
2d ·

Me too:)

Caroline S
2d ·

*Hugs*

Kara L
24h ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
2d ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
2d ·

I don't think there's anything wrong with you, but I ask myself this question constantly, too.

John T
2d ·

*Hugs*

Nicky E
2d ·

I know the feeling. Usually the problem isn't you it's how you're being treated by them. And you respond accordingly. It's hard to stay open and loving when you get shunned in return

Jayne H
2d ·

*Hugs*

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5 Esther B
2d ·
Had an okay day until I thought bout date.
Tasha S
2d ·

*Hugs*

Margot L
2d ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
2d ·

*Hugs*

Éva H
2d ·

*Hugs*

Metron A
2d ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
2d ·

*Hugs*

Reba H
2d ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
2d ·

*Hugs*

Tuxi A
2d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
2d ·

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Richard E
1d ·

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Kara L
24h ·

*Hugs*

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4 Esther B
3d ·
Emotional. Said goodbye to ppl at theray. Received lovely words. I feel empty. Can't receive those words yet. Just want it all to be over. Instead 6 months of waiting ahead for personality treatment.
Penelope P
3d ·

*Hugs*

Silke V
3d ·

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Kara L
3d ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
3d ·

*Hugs*

Eva P
3d · NEW

*Hugs*

Jeff M
3d ·

*Hugs*

Richard E
3d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
3d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
3d ·

Thinking of you xx

Michelle W
3d ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
3d ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
3d ·

*Hugs*

Love 1
3d ·

that's a long wait. must be frustrating

John T
3d ·

*Hugs*

Reba H
3d ·

*Hugs*

Esther B
3d ·

it is love. feels like someone tore me open and I have to wait 8 months toll I can go into hospital

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4 Esther B
4d ·
Stomach still upset. Going to see dr tomorrow. Tomorrow is the last day of my 6 week therapy as well. Weird.
Lydia R
4d ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
4d ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
4d ·

Wow, done already? I hope it's helped you!

Emily G
4d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
4d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
4d ·

That did go really quickly! Hope it was useful xx

Reba H
4d ·

*Hugs*

Tuxi A
4d ·

I hope it was helpful overall, even if it sounded like it wasn't easy.... and good luck for the next steps.

John T
4d ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
4d ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
4d ·

That time just zipped right by! I hope it helped you. 💖

Esther B
3d ·

Yeah Jeff it was just a short period so I could get a diagnosis. Now I have to wait at least 6 months for specific treatment.

Kara L
3d ·

*Hugs*

Richard E
3d ·

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4 Esther B
5d ·
still sick. sad about date. don't understand why he stppd talking to me all of a sudden. maybe he has a good reason but it would be nice if i knew too. thought this time would be different. guess not.
Nick N
5d ·

*Hugs*

John T
5d ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
5d ·

*Hugs*

Maria K
5d ·

*Hugs*

Maria K
5d ·

Don't give up.

Silke V
5d ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
5d ·

*Hugs*

Tuxi A
4d ·

Sorry, but unless there is a good explanation, that guy is a jerk! Sure, sometimes things don't work out, but it isn't okay to just disappear without an explanation.

Tuxi A
4d ·

*Hugs*

Kara L
3d ·

*Hugs*

Esther B
3d ·

And he acted so shy Tuxi. Normally you feel things like this.. never had a clue.

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2 Esther B
6d ·
think date has blocked me on whatsapp? dont see his profile picture anymore and messages won't come thru. asked him what's up. he can be honest I guess.
Lydia R
6d ·

*Hugs*

Zoe P
6d ·

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Reba H
6d ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
6d ·

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Cindy M
6d ·

*Hugs*

John T
6d ·

*Hugs*

Margot L
6d ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
6d ·

*Hugs*

Richard E
6d ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
6d ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
6d ·

Men are poo.

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3 Esther B
6d ·
bad night's sleep including many nightmares. having my period. still sick from withdrawals (or it's the flu) and massive headache. #lovinglife
Lydia R
6d ·

*Hugs*

Reba H
6d ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
6d ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
6d ·

Ugh. You've got it coming from every angle. Hope things improve soon, Esther. xx

Cindy M
6d ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
6d ·

*Hugs*

Richard E
6d ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
6d ·

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3 Esther B
7d ·
Wish I could go to the store and hand in my life. Don't really feel depressed just done with life. It's nothing for me. I don't want it anymore. Has no use.
Nick N
7d ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
7d ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
7d ·

That would be a nice option to have.

Mark W
7d ·

*Hugs*

John T
7d ·

I've been having these thoughts but much quicker, fleeting thoughts. Contradictorily I can see a decent future but I don't know how to get there, so I'm taking it one day at a time. I suppose I'm treating thoughts as thoughts, rather than reality.

John T
7d ·

Anyway, I hope you're feeling better soon, Esther.

John T
7d ·

*Hugs*

Emma L
7d ·

*Hugs*

Silke V
7d ·

*Hugs*

Silke V
7d ·

Wish there was something I could say that'd instantly make you feel better:(

Penelope P
7d ·

*Hugs*

Lieteke G
7d ·

Really hope you feel better soon. It sucks when you feel your life has no use. ❤️

Richard E
7d ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
7d ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
7d ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
7d ·

I don't remember the last time I saw something positive in my future...but I guess I stopped worrying about it. I try hard to enjoy the little moments in the present. Running last night in the ice and cold, breathing hard, I kept thinking how...

Jeff M
7d ·

...lucky I am to be able to run, how much better shape I am in now than I used to be. I guess those little moments of finding goodness in normalcy is what living is all about.

Nick N
7d ·

Wish i could even do that Jeff...

Tuxi A
6d ·

*Hugs*

Reba H
6d ·

*Hugs*

Esther B
6d ·

I can see that too Jeff. I work out and I'm in good shape but I'm not able to share my life with someone or ask help from friends so I'm just done

Jeff M
5d ·

I wish I could help you, Esther. I feel for you, really. I completely understand and relate. Life can be so difficult and lonely and hard to deal with...

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4 Esther B
11 Feb 2018 ·
went to this symposium about euthanasia and psychiatric patients. really helpful to talk with ppl about death. the pain psychiatric patients deal with is shocking.
Cindy M
11 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
11 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
11 Feb 2018 ·

Esther, do you know about death cafés? I've never been, just read about them. If you google death cafe you can find out more. They believe in talking about death openly, partly to help us make more of the finite life we have, but

Lydia R
11 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
11 Feb 2018 ·

Really difficult and tough topic, but definitely one we should all engage more with. Never heard of death cafés before, but it sounds interesting.

Love 1
11 Feb 2018 ·

When you say the pain psychiatric patients deal with is shocking, I'd be curious to read more about this. Would you care to elaborate? Im guessing you're referring to psychological pain as they approach death. Is this correct?

DesBear D
11 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
11 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
11 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
11 Feb 2018 ·

Although it's not physical pain... Psychosis is very painful. Lots of other symptoms and disorders are too.

Esther B
11 Feb 2018 ·

I know Cindy! I've visited one of them recently.

Esther B
11 Feb 2018 ·

Love; I think they suffer from life and they feel pain because they don't think they belong here or they have had so many kind of therapies and still feel like ****. The ppl i met there looked old although they were in their twenties.

Esther B
11 Feb 2018 ·

And Love I will have to look that up I only know a Dutch website about that but it's just about patients telling how they suffer.

Silke V
11 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Reba H
11 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
11 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Margot L
11 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Richard E
12 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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3 Esther B
09 Feb 2018 ·
Miserable and sick. Physical and mental.
Maria K
09 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Silke V
09 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Silke V
09 Feb 2018 ·

Als ik iets voor je kan doen Esther?

Lydia R
09 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
09 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
09 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Michelle W
09 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
09 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
09 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
10 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tuxi A
10 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Reba H
10 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Richard E
11 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Love 1
11 Feb 2018 ·

Ugh. Sounds like a rough transition.

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4 Esther B
08 Feb 2018 ·
Still sick from withdrawals. Psychiatrist told me that this was probably the worst week and it will get better. Really hope so! Not very supportive on you guys, will make it up! Thanks for support xox
Lydia R
08 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
08 Feb 2018 ·

I really hope you will feel much better very soon. <3

Nick N
08 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Nick N
08 Feb 2018 ·

Hope you feel better soon Esther. Withdrawal is never a pleasant experience but worth it in the long run.

Esther B
08 Feb 2018 ·

I hope so too Nick and Lydia. WOuld be really nice to be medication 'free' after 10 years. And to actually feel again. Scary but exciting as well. Thanks for the hugs :)

Andrew H
08 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
08 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
08 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Richard E
08 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
09 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
10 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
10 Feb 2018 ·

Proud of you!

Tuxi A
10 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Reba H
10 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Richard E
11 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Nick N
11 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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4 Esther B
07 Feb 2018 ·
Ex called me by mistake he said. Then texted me how I was doing. Went right into my own trap of selhate. Told him i still feel like *** and I hope that he's still happy about leaving me to rot.
Silke V
07 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Kata C
07 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
07 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
07 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
07 Feb 2018 ·

Ugh. We don't need those kind of reminders. I guess recognizing your path that this made you take is helpful. Sorry that happened! :(

Cindy M
07 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
07 Feb 2018 ·

Big hugs dear Esther - sorry xx

John T
07 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
07 Feb 2018 ·

Don't let exes drag you down. Plan something nice you'll enjoy. Take some good self care. I hope you get through the next few months better than you expect. Wishing you well.

Esther B
07 Feb 2018 ·

thanks all. I'm still mad I guess. Especially at myself.Dont need him in my life. Reminds me of bad times.

DesBear D
07 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Reba H
08 Feb 2018 ·

I put a reply and it never saved. Grr. Good for you for telling him how you really feel, and not faking being okay. He hurt you, and he should know that!

Manda P
08 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
08 Feb 2018 ·

Proud of you for standing up to him. He really shouldn't have contacted you though. What an ass.

Esther B
08 Feb 2018 ·

Well he probably doesnt care how I feel. Or I dont know. Told me this was a negative way of communcation. Ah, REALLY?

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6 Esther B
06 Feb 2018 ·
Love of my life https://www.instagram.com/p/Be3FeCDH6pw/
Penelope P
06 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
06 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
06 Feb 2018 ·

Cute cat!

Jake G
06 Feb 2018 · CHIEFPANDA

*Hugs*

Esther B
06 Feb 2018 ·

She is John. Thanks for the hugs xx

paul M
06 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lieteke G
06 Feb 2018 ·

Lovely cat

Ella H
06 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
06 Feb 2018 ·

Aww :)

Tasha S
07 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
07 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Reba H
07 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Reba H
07 Feb 2018 ·

She's beautiful!

Cindy M
07 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
07 Feb 2018 ·

She's beautiful and she knows it :)

Esther B
07 Feb 2018 ·

YOU ARE ALL VERY WELCOME TO VISIT 😍😍

DesBear D
07 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lieteke G
07 Feb 2018 ·

I might just do so 😀😀😀

Jeff M
08 Feb 2018 ·

I wanna come visit! :)

Esther B
08 Feb 2018 ·

Yay Pandaparty!

Love 1
11 Feb 2018 ·

Beautiful & gorgeous... oh and the cat, too. :)

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2 Esther B
06 Feb 2018 ·
Told therapists I'm done with it. There's no cure for this. I am better off dead.
Nick N
06 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Metron A
06 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Metron A
06 Feb 2018 ·

I'm sorry you can't see a way out. I hope you have someone else you can talk to.

Lydia R
06 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tuxi A
06 Feb 2018 ·

Don't give up. AD withdrawal is really hard but don't forget it is temporary... Give your therapists a chance to help you, even if it takes some time to get better.

Tuxi A
06 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Zoe P
06 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lieteke G
06 Feb 2018 ·

❤️

Esther B
06 Feb 2018 ·

They can't help me anymore tuxi. After next week I'm supposed to wait 8 months before there's a place for me to go to a therapist. So don't know what the use of this is anymore.

paul M
06 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
07 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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3 Esther B
05 Feb 2018 ·
withdrawals from quitting Ad's are horrible. Feeling like a zombie. Nausea, trembling, sweating etc. Was awake at 5 this morning.
Lydia R
05 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
05 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
05 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
05 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Silke V
05 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Silke V
05 Feb 2018 ·

I hope you feel better soon!

Richard E
05 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tuxi A
06 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tuxi A
06 Feb 2018 ·

That sounds awful... I hope you'll be done with that, soon.

Reba H
07 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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5 Esther B
03 Feb 2018 ·
oh and havent seen date in 3 weeks cause he had this business trip, he had a fever for more then a week and now he's on another businesstrip. makes me very insecure. waiting to be rejected any day.
Esther B
03 Feb 2018 ·

although there are no signals for that. it's just hard if you like someone and you haven't had the time to.meet. I know it's not his fault but still. can't seem to get this anxiety about rejection off my mind.

Lydia R
03 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Penelope P
03 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Zoe D
03 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Silke V
03 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Stephie L
03 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
03 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
03 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
03 Feb 2018 ·

Try to fight those self-defeating thoughts. He isn't rejecting you. I do the same thing, and it's awfully easy to sabatoge a good thing.

Manda P
04 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
04 Feb 2018 ·

I'm a master at sabotaging a good thing. Try not to get ahead of yourself & just take it one day at a time. Think of how great it'll be when you finally do see him! xx

Stephie L
04 Feb 2018 ·

I'm with manda and Jeff. I have literally just sabotaged because I felt like I was being rejected. Keep yourself busy and focus on you. It will be even better when you see him 😀 xx

Cindy M
04 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Margot L
04 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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5 Esther B
03 Feb 2018 ·
Started lowering my second antidepressant after quitting the 1st. Paroxetine seems to be the hardest one ever so psychiatrist prescribed Fluoxetine so I can quit that one in the next 2 wks. Scared
Esther B
03 Feb 2018 ·

cause ended up in hospital last time when I tried to quit Paroxetine. Part-time therapy is done in 2 weeks and then I have no psychiatrist anymore and I need to find another one? this mental health system is screwed.

Lydia R
03 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
03 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
03 Feb 2018 ·

I found Venlafaxine tough to quit. Went into hospital to do that. I hope you have some success, that you cope ok with the changes, and wish you well. Allow yourself the odd bad day, but remind yourself you'll still get good days too.

Zoe K
03 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Esther B
03 Feb 2018 ·

hi John thanks for sharing. I've quit Venlafwxine in one week. I've quit that one before

Esther B
03 Feb 2018 ·

guess everyone has different experiences with quitting! makes it hard to manage.. And thanks for your sweet message x

Silke V
03 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Silke V
03 Feb 2018 ·

No one is the same. Guess it can be different to everyone. Concentrate on yourself. I'm sure you'll be just fine. As long as you have someone who follows you up.

DesBear D
03 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
04 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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5 Esther B
02 Feb 2018 ·
diagnosed with personality disorder as I suspected. they said it was quite obvious and that it's just a confirmation of my own cry for help. options for further treatment are individual therapy or
Dan P
02 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Esther B
02 Feb 2018 ·

part-time therapy or clinical. it will cost me at least a year in any case cause it's a long road to recovery. gonna take this weekend and next 2 weeks to figure out what I want and how to deal with the consequences when needed (work/waitinglists)

nixiblu .
02 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Nick N
02 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Nick N
02 Feb 2018 ·

Currently waiting for diagnosis having finally been referred after 20 years asking. Two consultant psychiatrists have now said they believe i may have a personality disorder. Just have to be patient and await an appointment now...

Lieteke G
02 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Mark W
02 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
03 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
03 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Mandy O
03 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
03 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
03 Feb 2018 ·

I'm glad you have your diagnosis. I hope it will lead to the treatment you need to help you be happier!

Manda P
03 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
03 Feb 2018 ·

Glad you got a diagnosis. It's such a relief to have a name for everything that's going on. Wishing you the best in recovery, sweet Esther. 💖

Esther B
03 Feb 2018 ·

Thanks Jeff and Manda. It's a relieve the diagnoses is the same as I suspecter. Waitinglists make me very anxious though. What to do in the period between...

Esther B
03 Feb 2018 ·

And Nick I'm happy for you you finally got the time and care you need. Keep us updated.

Lydia R
03 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Nick N
03 Feb 2018 ·

Thanks Esther I will. I'm so pleased you got the diagnosis you expected.

Nick N
7d ·

Hi esther an update as promised. No personality disorder. Just some minor adjustment disorder and some dissociative disorder traits. But nothing treatable. But tomorrow I'll probably be getting sectioned

nixiblu .
7d ·

*Hugs*

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3 Esther B
02 Feb 2018 ·
sad
Lydia R
02 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
02 Feb 2018 ·

*Big Hugs*

Tuxi A
02 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
02 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
02 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
02 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
02 Feb 2018 ·

xx

Jeff M
02 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
02 Feb 2018 ·

Thinking of you, esther!

Cindy M
02 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
02 Feb 2018 ·

Lots of love xx

DesBear D
03 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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