Hope there's time for fun in your weekend too
What are you going to paint? Paintings? Or walls? I love both. Hope you don't get too tired.
Hope you are having a good weekend, Jeff.
LOL I didn't even think about that, Alicia. I'm not artistic! Painting the kitchen walls. Lots of work, but looking good so far! THanks, all!
We're still always glad to see your posts!
I don't even know what to tell him is wrong anymore...
$185 for a Dr to do nothing. *** America, man, that sucks.
I'd tell him the price, exclusion of healthcare as a human right, and general incompetence is wrong.
Yeah, our benefits at work are pretty crappy. I'm on the high-deductible plan, which means I have to pay a ton out of pocket before insurance pays for everything. Worked ok the last few years when I didn't have to go to the doctor...
It's a crappy system run by huge insurance companies who will spend plenty to lobby the government so that things never change. That's how our government is run - by special interests, not the peoples' interests.
1% of people own 50% of the world's wealth. Those people could end world hunger and healthcare needs forever and still have money left for themselves. They choose not to. Greed. Propped up by corrupt and uneducated politicians.
It's unfair. And I'm sorry you are not getting the care you deserve
I hope you feel better soon and the sun will come out at your area
I don't think everything's necessarily passed you by - we go through different periods or phases, though...I'm older than you but (for example) seem to have found a really great guy/relationship after thinking there wasn't going to be any more real ,
passion, love etc. Stuff can still happen, but it can be tiring and painful keeping one's self open, accepting, working.. ..it may pay off. Big, big hugs, so want everything to work out for you xx
There is certainly something that didn't pass you by! And if not, Albertine's right :) Don't give up!
Oh, Jeff, I know the feeling, I get it when depressed, every friggin' time. I try and remember there will definitely be stuff happening and people worth meeting as long as I'm not dead. Hang on in there.
Proud of myself - at the bar after the run, loads of runners but no one I really knew to talk to. Was just standing there with my beer. Went and talked to a couple who I knew were first timers with the group. Very nice people...
And after a few minutes, a few others joined us to chat too. So I was able to talk to people and feel less awkward and alone. I'm really not good at that, so it feels like a little accomplishment.
Loads of work to do today! No real plans for this weekend. Maybe will go see Avengers Sunday by myself. I hate going to movies by myself, but it may have been out long enough to not feel as awkward in the theater.
Well done you, Jeff! I would find that so scary - it's a BIG accomplishment. Be proud of yourself! Nice to see some green xx
That's awesome that you felt comfortable talking around new people! I'm really happy for you. Going to the movies alone seems fine. It's not like you can talk to someone while you're there. Go for it!
A very good experience for you. Well done
So I went along, because I miss when we used to go out and have beers and talk. I've spent the last year trying to figure out how to be alone, since he essentially ditched me completely after the death of his wife (and my good friend) and...
...immediately hooking up with another woman, and since all my running friends ditched me as well. So we went out, and he prattled on about the July 4 race that he is directing (and I've been helping with) the last few years...
And I realized that I just didn't care. I didn't really want to help him. I didn't want to hear about all the fun things he's doing since he doesn't have a job and doesn't need money (big insurance policies on his wife). I just didn't care.
I wanted to go home. I didn't really feel like I had to help him with this race (even though I enjoyed it, but a big part of that was contributing to its success, and I don't feel a part of that success this year).
Made me feel, at least, as if I've made progress on being ok with being alone and not needing these former friends. Not that I'm comfortable being alone, but I'm not feeling the hole of these friendships as much, I think.
I guess that's progress. I don't know. It feels weird to be proud of being better being alone and miserable. Maybe that's not really it. I think this was good to help me not miss the fun things we used to do so much, knowing...
that it wouldn't be as fun anymore. That time is gone. I wish I felt like I was able to find new friends, though. I still feel loneliness so very strongly.
Running trails tonight in the endless rain. Why won't it ever stop raining? Forget summer, I'd be happy if we got spring. Blah.
Getting good at being alone sounds like something that could be dangerous… At least in my experience, I did learn that and then I got really deep into my depression. It also took time and effort to learn to be with people again. Some things I still
struggle with. So be careful. I hope it's just that you're over that guy. Friendships are like any other relationship, right? Takes time to get over a person and move on. Maybe you did, and maybe that'll free up emotional space for someone else?
Well done for feeling this way about the guy now. I remember it really bothered you last year. You moved on and that's fantastic
Nixi said it well. I'm sorry this guy turned out not to be a real friend and glad you can draw a line under the angst that discovery caused you
Thank you, pandas. Your words are really very helpful (and hugs always are too!).
I think it's progress even it's to be more comfortable with being alone. Everyone needs to learn that, I'd think. I'm glad you realized you'd be better off spending time without this friend. It opens up opportunity for new friends.
For my panda account, even though I wrote it down and checked it, so have to create a new one. Work is getting stressful again. Just feel so much building and feel overwhelmed.
So sorry to hear this, Jeff - you know, that panda email document is for you to use too :) Do reach out to one of us if you want to, we really do care about you. Big hugs.xx
Yes, we do! Hugs.
I used to be so much more motivated to do things. I used to go out for a weekend run and never do less than 10 miles. Now I do 7 on Sat and none on Sunday. And sit all day.
I'm not sure if being lazy begets more laziness, or if it's my depression, or what...I want to feel motivated again, even if it was lazy and cold.
I'm really sick of this weather. Maybe 1 nice-ish day per week (Sat was sunny but not warm), then the rest cold, dreary, rainy. I know I complain about it too much, but it really impacts me. Nice weather helps me a lot!
...about myself. My house and yard will look terrible, and she'll feel she has to work so hard, and she's not in condition to work that hard, and I'll feel bad and she'll feel bad. And I can't stop it...
Yet they want to come up, and I enjoy meals and stuff with them. Try to have plans of other things to do, but never really works. Oh well...I can get through the weekend.
I hope the time spent with your parents goes well. Don't let your mom get to ya.
Your mom sounds like one of those people who are used to thinking too much about what others need, and about what she must do, instead of what she wants to do… and then later get annoyed at doing too much. It really is not your fault she is like that
It really isn't. Try to remember that. And, it's probably hard for her being that way, so… compassion for the both of you is needed here, I think. Hang on in there!
Fingers crossed for you and against rain. I'm pretty fed up with it to be honest.
Rain held off, turned out to be beautiful (if a bit cool), so I ran the race and did quite well for me! Now rain is due tomorrow. No trails tomorrow at least!
Glad you had a good time. Hope you get some summer weather that sticks soon. Life is so much better with good weather.
Didn't sleep well. Feeling very sluggish after overindulging too much. Way too much work to do this week, and I'm so unmotivated to do it at work lately. Ugh...
Bit jealous of being able to crank out a 15 mile run. My body's not built for it right now. Lost a lot of motivation about exercise but I'll get into it before my 10k in September.
Sadly, John, I should be doing more. I have a marathon and a 40-miler in June that I'm way unprepared for. Been a rough year. May drop to the half marathon, but really want to do the 40-miler...Lost some motivation here too...
You both inspire me. Not currently allow to run. But 10k would be a push. You guys are mentally strong. I get fed up at 5k ok
Same nixi. I can do 8k ok taking it at an easy pace but with extra mental effort, but not consistently, I get bored, tired, achey. Hope you recover soon.
Last time I saw someone years ago, I asked my doctor for recs. Weeks later I got one or two names and didn't like the guy I went to. So no real help there...
I actually do speak openly with friends about it
Also call insurance or check their website for listing
I'm not exactly sure. I have government insurance so they pretty much choose my health care providers for me. Internet searches should bring some results worth trying. SO glad you are reaching out, Jeff! xx💚💚💚xx
Genuinely good luck Jeff. You are doing the right thing. Well done resident ultra marathon runner.
Even warriors need the help of an army.
Sorry Jeff. I'm in UK. Wish I could help
Jeff, I first did a Google search for therapist offices near me. Then I found one that did nights, because that's when I could go. Then I called, made sure they accepted my insurance which is popular, and made an appt. It's okay to try out a few
therapists if you don't like who you've seen so far. It's kind of like dating. A therapist is a special person!
Reba is right. Don't feel like you have to stick with the first one you try. I've had to switch therapists because I didn't feel comfortable with one.
Thank you, pandas. I guess I should just randomly pick one on my insurance plan and give it a shot. Hard to do...
You can do it! It is very hard to open up, I know. But I think it can be very helpful. I'm looking for a therapist as well.
Also, this weather really sucks! I'm so pissed at it. I can't run, so I walk, but I feel the need to walk every day, and it takes forever to cover any kind of distance, so I'm wet and cold and miserable for a big part of it. Till I kind of just
We are cheering for you, Jeff! I think you really do just need to pick one & test the waters. I hope you are able to find one too, Alicia.
Jeff - apologies if you've already tried this, but via Psychology Today you can search a directory of counselors in your geographical area and they have written summaries of their approach, qualifications, have photos. On the bus and can't seem to
add link here but I can try later (if not something you've seen).
...to my depression, but I'm confident they're not 100% caused by it. Still, I have to try something. Last time I did antidepressants, the side effects really bothered me. But I guess I'll try it again.
Last time, at least I felt more positive, like I could get to the root of this. Now I feel discouraged and sad.
Didn't run last night. I was supposed to. I was dressed and everything. It started to rain, I felt lazy and sad, so I stayed home. So pathetic.
Now I have all this work to do on this project, and I don't want to. I can't focus on it for more than a few minutes at a time. Supposed to run tonight, and it's downright cold out. Why can't we have spring and nice weather? That would help me.
Sounds like a harsh day dear friend. What ADs are you going to try? I know my depression causes some of my physical pain too but I can imagine there being another cause.
Mental health and physical health are intertwined Jeff. I hope they work. Most side effects leave after the first two weeks (unless you are on something like effexor/venlafaxine or amitriptyline or something really strong). Keep going.
I don't honestly know what it is - he told me, but it wasn't a brand name or one I recognized. Will pick it up tonight. I'm sure it's very low dose.
Perhaps my panda friends would have advice (though may be different in the US): How does one find a mental health professional? Even if I search my insurance, there are many. Can't really ask people for referrals after all. :(
Here you would get referred by your GP, who is free, to the relevant mental health service, which is free, while they would prescribe meds, which are free (or very cheap if you can afford to pay), then refer you to get care (waiting list), for free.
Sadly that's seen as 'evil communism' in the US and not 'universal healthcare so everyone in society has a right to be healthy paid for by taxes that are higher for the more you earn'. Bernie 2020?
Also I bet 90% of Americans who complain about socialism have never even read Marx. They just watch Fox News infotainment programmes and soak up all the hatred and lies.
BTW Esther, it's Wellbutrin.
Do you have any Mental Health Centers? That's where I go. There are lots of helpful people there. Not sure if it's a low income thing or not.
Stick with the antidepressant. Might be a rough start but could be so worth it!
I'm actually worried about drinking beer while on it. That being said, I'm not giving up beer!
I don't think you need to give it up. You could certainly do it in moderation. You know I never let the meds stop me from a drink or 12.
I've drank *** loads and used various drugs on all sorts of meds. The only one I haven't is my current med (an AP) where if I drink it drops my already low BP.
Hi Jeff. I just asked my doctor if he could recommend me someone he knew.
Aw thank you, Esther! Thank you all for the advice and encouragement!
Rain gets really annoying when one's used to doing stuff outside. I don't run right now but I spend even more time outside walking... I feel your pain!