Really hope things start to look up for you soon, Jeff. You need a good dose of happiness.
My sad extends a bamboo shoot to your sad and just sits close, saying nothing, because it understands how your sad feels.
you're in my thoughts so not alone at all..
It's what I've been doing lately too. No friends to chat or meet, loads to do but no motivation at all. Bed's always the best solution when you just can't do anything anymore.
I hope you feel better soon, Jeff. xx
I'm comforted to know I'm not alone. Thank you, pandas.
1. I have a low self-esteem, developed from being taught by my peers growing up that I'm worthless. This causes me to be reserved, and it's a trait evident to others.
2. I've been alone a long time. I think this is the cause of many of my other problems.
2a. I don't really have anyone to talk to most of the time, so when I'm around someone I'm comfortable with, I'm sure I talk too much. Guys don't want to hear people talk about what they're thinking.
2b. I'm the weird single guy. It seems weird to be my age and be single. People note that. And I don't fit in with couples or families.
3. I struggle with depression, and sometimes that's evident. Maybe I react poorly or darkly, and people find that weird and off-putting.
4. I'm funny (I think), but often my humor is witty, wise-ass comments. Not everyone appreciates that, and perhaps I do it too much.
5. I'm not particularly good looking. Good looking people get away with much more. (Also, see #1.)
Ways to change some of these things? Unfortunately, say less. Be quiet. Bottle things up more. I've done this for YEARS, and it hasn't helped. And it's not easy.
Is bottling things up good though Jeff. Not great for your wellbeing.
I can say a few things about your points above, but I'm no different really I've thought if all of those things about myself
I do believe you got low self asteem, and being alone for a long time makes it harder to ajust to others. You have your routins and sometimes get stuck in that old way of thinking low about yourself.
Dont say less or be quiet! Then you surpress yourself even more
Just find new roads, new people. Snd stop to look around sometimes so you dont overlook someone that wants your attention
So, number 5. Cant do much about that one except new haircut or change clothes. But If its a friend your seeking do they really care about your looks? And my experience, people become more beutiful once you get to know them
Well I see you are really struggling here Jeff. I truly hope you can find a friend that sees what a great friend you are
Life would be so much easier if we didn't need people. If I could just be happy being alone and not need to talk to people, it would be so much easier.
Jeff, please don't shoot me, but have you ever considered seeing a therapist? These are all excellent topics to discuss with a trained professional. Not that we're not here for you, but maybe you could use a little extra help. Something to consider.
Very valid suggestion, Manda. I have seen someone off and on in the past and didn't think it helped. Might be worth seeking out someone again. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like just getting my thoughts out like this helps me.
You have told us before that you use to write. I guess writing is your right element for expressing yourself
I understand. Getting my thoughts out helps too. I do it on here & Reddit. I do the same thing in therapy, but just have someone trained to talk things over with. Places like MP are good though bcuz there are so many people who feel the exact same...
...things you do & it's nice to know you're not alone. You'll never be alone as long as you stick with us! 💚
Ok Jeff I stopped reading, cause you know. What about why people do like you? Ever think about that? You're not alone and people do like you, try to think about that!!!! You're so much more than you think!!!
Good point Silke! I am looking forward to that post 😊
I hope it doesn't sound rude cause it's not meant to Jeff..
Can't please all the people all the time
I think you should make a list why you are worth to be someone's partner or friend.p. it's easier for you to make a list why with stuff like this.
challenge yourself to write some positive notes about yourself. if you have them you can look forward. I'm sure there are 50 reasons more to be proud of.
I've done the positive thing before, Esther and Silke. I can do it again. But I have no real friends or loved ones to speak of, so it hadn't done me much good. But it may be a worthwhile endeavor. It won't help, unfortunately.
Slept horribly and woke up this morning feeling my stomach all clenched and tight. Bah.
Maybe I should stop going to this particular group run. I go because it's more relaxing, and I talk to other people there. Just hard to feel left out, when they made me feel a part of the group and really motivated me to run and helped...
...me get to where I am now. Was so nice to have people who accepted me. Then they rejected me. I try to show it doesn't matter, and this is the only place I can admit how hurt I am. Sigh... Wish I knew why I am so unlikeable.
Because this isn't new. Other than a few lifelong friends (who I virtually never see these days because they live far away), no one likes me for long. I must be a bad person. No wonder I don't like myself much either.
Jeff you not bad person they probably weren't true friends. 9 years ago I was excommunicated from my church all my friends of 25
Years turned their backs on me. 6 years ago when I had my left leg was amputated I lost more. Unfortunately my true friends like you live all over the place that they can't visit but right now I say thank you that we have phones computers etc that we
We can make new friends and stay in touch with old ones 🐱🐱
Are you sure you are not misstaken? Sometimes our brains fool us. Did they actually reject you, what did they say/do? I hope not to offend you or rub it in your face, only that sometimes we just guess or feel things that arent true.
Like I have said before, you are not a bad person Jeff. But if you believe so yourself you will always project that feeling in others
I agree with Kristin. Are you sure this is not just your perception? You seem like a very like able guy that I'm sure tons of Pandas (myself included) would love to hang out with you. When we move to Oregon, only I will be one with a real friend...
...there. I really hope to make friends with his girlfriend & other friends. I've had no desire to do that for so long, but I'm open to new chances. I hope you will be too.
If they drop u that easilly, they r not worth fellin bad about. Although i do understand ya. I also Agree with Dawn, Kristin and manda💕
You're all very kind, and Dawn, I can't imagine the struggles you must have gone through! Indeed, it's not that I'm a 'bad' person, but I am unlikable. This isn't new...it's the story of my life. I know it's not just my perception. They deliberately
leave me out of things that they talk to each other about while I'm around.
I understand u Jeff... People leave me out o almost everything when im around. But talking here, people do talk to me... Its nice to have this app. And i do think u r likable👌
Ok, bad choice of word of my part. You are definitly a likable person. I really hope you can realise that and see those persons who actually reaches out for you, and cares for you.
Sometimes we are so blinded of what we want, and the need of other peoples attention.
But also this is a very familiar feeling, because I to get the feeling noone likes me, nobody wants me as a friend, and after thinking this for so long I have decided its the thruth.
But one thing is different for me. 13 years ago I stoped chasing and just looked around thinking. 'Is it really true that noone likes me?' And I realised there was this guy that was in to me that I havent noticed.
He was not what I thought i was looking for, shy and quiet. But he litterly adored me, and saw something in me noone had ever seen (still cant understand what)... so now we are married and have a daughter. And he is still the only person who sees me
And I guess I would never have had this if i didnt stop chasing the wrong guys
Ok, I am sorry. I to talk to much as you can see. But this is what comes to my mind.
No need to apologize, Kristin! I'm glad that worked out for you and you were open to someone different than you thought.
Well thanks. But it was not my intention to make this about me. I was just trying to make a point.
Running is such a good outlet...I almost always feel better after. Also talked to some people (don't normally socialize much at this run) and won a blinky thing for night running!
I almost never win anything. I think about luck a lot and why it feels like I have such bad luck. Same is true for my whole family. I don't know if I believe in good or bad luck (or karma). It's mostly just perspective and recognizing the good
versus focusing on the bad. But I swear, some people draw pocket Aces and some get 2/4. I'm the latter a great majority of the time. Always had to work for things just to be mediocre.
Wasn't going to post a ton here today, but just thinking... I remember the best thing I ever won: A six-foot tall stuffed pink rabbit. I was a kid taking guitar lessons, and that was a raffle at the music shop. They called me to tell me I won...
...and I remember being shocked to silence. It was such an amazing prize to me at the time! Who needs a huge stuffed rabbit? Wasn't even that cute or cuddly for a kid, but I won something!
A guy I know won $2000 a week for life in scratch-off lottery. Another won $5000 in a $10 online poker tournament. Best I can say is that stupid rabbit. I wonder what happened to that thing...
Regardless, I'm glad I ran last night. Even in the rain. Running (and any physical exercise) is so good for the mind too. Rebabear called me a 'marathon runner' in another post. Never really thought of myself like that.
Made me feel good to know what I've accomplished. Thanks for being there, pandas! Feel free to ignore my lengthy ramblings. :)
Follow the rabit !!!
I'm one of those people, too, who don't win anything. At least it's taught me not to measure my worth in prizes, and I feel much better then those accustomed to winning do when they loose. I guess it's a good thing.
ah Jeff. I recognize that. The friend I go to football with just won 30.000 euros and calls it pocketmoney. other friend has rich parents.. but I feel much prouder of myself when I worked for something really hard.
and I'm happy to read that you went for a run!
Well some people have good luck, but most of the ones that win a lot also bet a lot. I never bet because I think it is a waste of money, but then again, nothing to win either.
They only things I've ever one are a box of organic fruit snacks & the much bigger prize of a $50 gift card to Desert Essence which is organic lotion. I'd love to win that rabbit! And you are totally a marathon runner. When did this become news?
You're a superstar! 🌟
I was home for exactly 1.5 hours yesterday before doing my radio show, then coming home to go to bed. Dog broke my new window blind yesterday, even though I raised it out of the way. I was so mad at him, but he didn't understand why...
Stupid to be mad at a dog. He just goes nuts when he sees (or smells or senses) other dogs outside, and he barks and jumps at the window. Didn't raise blind enough, now it's ruined.
In my short time home, I cooked chicken and collard greens for dinner, ate, and cleaned it. It wasn't very good. I try to cook at least once a week and eat leftovers to stay healthy. Healthy food does not usually taste good.
I hate cooking. It's 45 minutes or more to prepare and cook, 5 minutes to eat all by myself, then 20 minutes to clean up. What a waste of time. No wonder fast food is so popular and Americans are so obese.
I'm supposed to run tonight. I'm an 'ambassador' (ie unpaid assistant) at a local running store for group runs. It's cold and raining. Yet I feel like I need a run. We'll see if I feel up for it after this all-day meeting.
The meeting hasn't started yet, and I've already been at work for 1.5 hours. I've done nothing work-related at all. I don't dislike my job. I'm just bored and unmotivated. I browse the Internet and still get my work done. Blah.
Virtually no one listened to my radio show last night. No one ever does. So, at least, I feel like it's 2 relaxing hours for myself. But people kept coming in getting things set up for some special show after me. Ruined my evening!
That guy's show is not more important than mine! But I can't complain, because they had to somehow work out the technical issues. I just feel unappreciated and always overlooked.
I want to start exercising in the morning. Strength exercises to help with running. My legs are always sore and tired. But I can't in the morning, and I have no time in the evening. Just feel so weak and worthless in the morning.
It takes a shower and coffee and breakfast before I feel ok, and at that point it's too late. I can't figure out how to work in these exercises and productive things. Get up even earlier? 4:30? Have coffee first? Life is too short for that...
I'd just end up feeling more tired and going to bed even earlier in the evening. Maybe that's preferable. Less time to be alone and feel sorry for myself.
I keep thinking of funny, witty observations throughout the day. I have no one to tell them to, and if I post to FB I just feel worse when no one cares. Then they're gone. Much of my creativity is wasted and gone so quickly.
I used to be very creative. Always had unique ideas and words. Now, I feel like I'm wading through swamp water. I feel like that part of my soul is empty. I miss it, even when it came out of depression and frustration.
I'd start writing again if I had time. I don't have time. Stay up later and feel worse during the day? I don't know. Life is so short, and I waste it at work. I can't write at work.
I don't even watch TV anymore. I watched more this past weekend than I had in months. Why do I pay so much for cable? Should research cheaper alternatives. No time. Have to call to get car inspected. No motivation. Hate calling people...
Meeting starts now. I'll stop typing. This was helpful... I should do this more often. Stream of consciousness replies to my own post. I wonder if it will adjust the comments to be in the proper order? We'll see.
I should try this
This was very interesting insight to one's thoughts. I wish we could be friends!
We are friends, Claire! I wish, though, we could be friends outside of MP. A lot of you pandas would be great real friends...
Thanks for sharing Jeff! Nice to get to know you better. Is it possible to lissten to your show on internet?
Hi Jeff I don't know where you are o this planet, but am I able to listen to your show on line? And where or what is it called?
There is so many things I want to reply on this post. I have no time atm but promise to do it later today.
Good to get that all out, Jeff. You should do it more often. It really helps. I think you are a very funny, creative, & sweet guy. I know you don't want to share the details of your radio show bcuz of anonymity, but clearly Pandas would listen to it.
I was so engaged while reading your words; thank you for sharing. I also want to listen to your show- if possible. xx 🐼💚
It's good to get all out every know and then, don't wait till it gets to much for you! We're here to listen (or read ;). Hope you'll go for that run eventually panda friend!
I really liked reading this, and I can imagine that it must have made you feel good for at least a little while. I should do this more often, too, but just as you said I don't feel like anyone's interested in what I've got to say. That's probably not
true, but let's just thank our twisted brains. So, next time you want to tell something and don't know who to talk to, remember there's always Pandas who are very interested in what's going through your head and care for you.
hulu + netflix make no need for cable! :D We are here to listen to you anytime <3
Thank you, pandas! You are all so kind and wonderful. I'm so glad to have this place!
Regarding my radio show, it can certainly be streamed online. But I am not sure if I want to give it out. TBH, anonymity here makes it easier to say what I truly feel. If I give out the link to the station, it will include plenty of info about me,
including links to Facebook and the like, and although I wouldn't mind some people knowing me and would love to have you all listen, I'm not sure I want to open up that much just yet. I'll think about it! I appreciate the interest for sure!!
That's ok Jeff your anonymous presence is important
I agree with Manda. You are a sweet and intelligent person and it hurts to hear about your loneliless.
I can totaly relate to the time problem and lack of free time to be used for excercise and creativity. This is the biggest mystery of all! How strange it might sound I believe yoga and meditation could be the key.
To the dog and food issue I can also relate. Dogs with 'ADHD' is challenging work and takes lots and lots of training. I am sure he/she loves you despite your angry some times. And food is a timeconsumer. But seemes you found a way to deal with it.
Jeff- Thank you for posting, I took pleasure in reading your thoughts.
I enjoyed this post. The sincerity and authenticity resonated with most of us. 'I love this guy!' a part of me kept saying.
I left a comment but the WiFi at my work wasn't working and it never saved. I relate the most to the food struggle and the wanting to exercise in morning. I come home, cook for hours, have no time to exercise, and go to bed too late to get up early.
It's a relief to know that you, a marathon runner, struggle with the same motivation issues that I do. It makes my feelings seem more valid to me.
You are all so wonderful and supportive. I'm very thankful for you pandas! Thanks for your thoughts and comments!
I loved reading this. happy you shared
Oh, I am so sorry to hear that Jeff. Hope you know where you put the ladder so you can climb back up again.
Sorry to see you are feeling so low, Jeff. Wish I could bring summer back to you. Hope the meeting isn't as bad as it sounds.
I feel you.
it's that time in year again isn't it? raining here as well.. very depressing.
Ugh, sorry to hear that, Jeff. It rained yesterday, but we opened the porch door & enjoyed it. Gotta get ready for Portland!
Yey, i had already huged you in this post apparently. But lovely. You could probably need one more 😜
Thanks, pandas. I can always use more hugs. :)
*big hugs* There ya go! 😊
One more then 🤗
Ok, i will stop. This is usually the time when people find me a bit creapy...
I initially forget the traditional hug so made up for it. I think Jeff will appreciate your extra hugs, Kristin. You're not creepy. Yet. 😉
I will take all the hugs I can get! There is no such thing as too many hugs! :)