4.9 avg
  864 days
  8088 hugs
  166 followers
4 Manda P
4d ·
Slept all morning. No motivation. Unloaded dishwasher & lots of laundry. Had to call pharmacy again to make sure I get my med. They are supposed to be delivering it to the correct store. Fingers...
Manda P
4d ·

...crossed. Thanksgiving coming up. BF's aunt texted to remind us. Dread. Will prob see BF's uncle who shot himself in the head & lived. Nervous.

Bipolar Bear .
4d ·

*Hugs*

Pamela H
4d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
4d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
4d ·

Hope you got your meds

Alicia B
4d ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
4d ·

Oh, wow, he must be an interesting man, that one. The story he's probably got to tell about that shooting! But probably won't. Ahh, I wish I could interrogate him gently. Sorry, I'm too excited, aren't I? I don hope you have a good time and maybe

Alicia B
4d ·

learn something fantastic from that guy.

Margot L
4d ·

*Hugs*

Mandy O
4d ·

*Hugs*

John T
3d ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
3d ·

Thanks, Cindy & Alicia. I wasn't able to get my meds till today again. Had to calmly freak out over the phone with them to get it sorted. I would love to talk to the Uncle. Won't though. Too much. Thanks for the hugs, Pandas. πŸ’š

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5 Manda P
7d ·
Waiting on edible to kick in & it's looking like it won't. I ate way more than BF eats in a whole day. He said to try more. It's PB fudge but I don't want to waste it. REALLY...
Manda P
7d ·

...want to feel this kind of high though. Sitting in living room by fire with a cat at my reclined feet. Lots I should do but I don't want to move. Can't believe Monday is already close again. Blood work. F*cking 6 months of this ***?! Wtf? BF...

Manda P
7d ·

...said even people with some blood diseases don't have to be tested weekly. Already stressing about another complication picking it up on Tuesday. F*cking stop with the worries, Manda. Just chill.

Cindy M
7d ·

*Hugs*

Margot L
7d ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
7d ·

It's worth keeping an eye on your blood work and taking care of yourself. After all, you need to be healthy to enjoy the benefits of the new medicine, right?

Alicia B
7d ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
7d ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
6d ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
6d ·

*Hugs*

sonny S
5d ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
5d ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
4d ·

Yep, you're exactly right, Alicia. Thanks for helping me flip it around. xx Thanks for the hugs, Pandas! πŸ’š

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2 Manda P
09 Nov 2018 ·
Just wrote BF a long letter explaining that I don't think we were ever in love or are now or every will be. I told him I have a crush on him & always will. I told him he can find someone he can...
Manda P
09 Nov 2018 ·

...actually marry & didn't say, could have kids with. That she'd be a good mom for Addy. I just think it's time. We are getting ready to adult because apparently there are just a bunch of miscommunications which SURELY must mean he just doesn't...

Manda P
09 Nov 2018 ·

...want to do it every night. I told him I would any night so just tell me but I'm supposed to ask him too. I do 't have the intense urge to anymore & I'm pretty depressed so I'll never ask.

Manda P
09 Nov 2018 ·

I haven't given him the letter yet. I will before I go to bed. After we adult. I told him he could *write* back.

Jimbob W
09 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
09 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
09 Nov 2018 ·

Oh Manda...that's a big step. I hope it sparks honest and productive conversation with you both!

Bipolar Bear .
09 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
09 Nov 2018 ·

Good luck Manda, that must have taken a lot of courage & strength to write how your feeling. I hope things work out for the best for you & your daughter. πŸ’š

Alicia B
09 Nov 2018 ·

Oh. Wow. Yes, Natalie and Jeff are right. I don't know what to say, really. Relationships are so ***ing hard. I hope it goes well, I hope you really talk, whatever the outcome.

Cindy M
09 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
09 Nov 2018 ·

Agree with all the wise Pandas above. Whatever happens, hope you feel it's the best outcome for you and Addy. Thinking of you xx

DesBear D
09 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
09 Nov 2018 ·

❀️❀️

Manda P
7d ·

I gave him the letter last night. He went through it by point saying why it was wrong. I don't even remember all he said. They won't be better of without me; if I left he'd never remarry or it would be, like, 10 years later; I grew into being his...

Manda P
7d ·

... best friend as his other friends drifted out of his life; we do have stuff to talk about like video games, politics, & basketball. I cried so hard & for so long. I kept saying how I just can't do this anymore (Bipolar episode) & that I want to...

Manda P
7d ·

...give up. I'm so tired. I just feel like I can't handle things much longer. I just want to sleep until life goes back to normal. It's supposed to but it sure is taking a long time & then there will just be another episode around the corner. I'm...

Manda P
7d ·

...not even 40 years old. Lots lots lots more of this *** in my future.

Alicia B
7d ·

Oh, Mandy, dear, I'm so sorry you are feeling this sad. It is exhausting. But one couldn't bare to loose you, I'm sure, you are one of the sweetest, kindest and most insightful people I know. If you're anything like me in the cray-cray department,

Alicia B
7d ·

you're probably more tired of yourself than of those around you? I hope you both feel better now. Hugs; lots of love.

DesBear D
7d ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
6d ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
4d ·

Aw! Alicia, that's the sweetest thing anyone has said to me in a long time. Thank you. 😘😘😘 I bet you are right on the more tired of myself bit. He kept the letter & I wished he didn't but it's his letter. Things seem fine now. Thanks for the hugs! πŸ’–

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2 Manda P
08 Nov 2018 ·
Meeting (ex)stepdad (who I really feel like is the only parent I ever had a truly loving relationship from. Called him in hysterics not that long ago. He's the only one I don't hesistate to call...
Bipolar Bear .
08 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
08 Nov 2018 ·

...when I REALLY need someone other than BF to talk to. He said a lot of stuff that made me feel better. He said I should stop resenting my Mom & just move on. He told me how he remembers the day we loaded up the trailer with what we could...

Manda P
08 Nov 2018 ·

...fit & there wasn't enough room. We had to open the bookes & find even more to cut from the move. My (ex)stepdad said he will never forgetting me wailing as we pulled away. He said he knew then that I was in for a very long life of troubles. 😒

nixiblu .
08 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
08 Nov 2018 ·

Thinking of you Manda, take care xx

Manda P
08 Nov 2018 ·

Thank you, my sweet Natalie. xx Thanks for the hugs, Pandas. πŸ’š

Jeff M
09 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
09 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
09 Nov 2018 ·

That's so sad. If only someone could have really been there for us when we were little, eh? I think about that sometimes, too.

DesBear D
09 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
7d ·

Yep, you are completely right, Alicia. Now I am learning to be there for myself. Thanks for the hugs, Pandas. πŸ’š

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4 Manda P
05 Nov 2018 ·
Lots of anxiety. Got my Monday morning blood draw. Not one empty spot in the parking lot. She said it's always that busy then. 😣 Saw psychiatrist. Taking away Seroquel, raising Clozapine. Of...
Manda P
05 Nov 2018 ·

...course, they sent the refill order to my main pharmacy, not the new one that I'm supposed to only get this new med from. Had to call. Waiting for return. I am sooo stressed with this! Somehow, i didn't let any of it get me down. Maybe I put out...

Manda P
05 Nov 2018 ·

...an extra positive vibe because more people spoke with me & several even specifically about my hair. More smiles than usual too. It was happy. Crazy jealous feelings. That chick I made BF get rid of on IG invaded my mind. I eventually ended up...

Manda P
05 Nov 2018 ·

...seeing who follows him (I honestly wasn't thinking of her. You guys know I would admit to that) & there she f*cking was! I went STRAIGHT to him & only at a slightly raised voice & on the edge (but not quite!) hysterical, I said I thought he...

Manda P
05 Nov 2018 ·

...deleted her. He thought he did. He pulled it up right there & she had requested to be his friend! She has over 200 friends. How the hell did she realize she wasn't following him anymore? I'm friends with her (because during the initial spaz over..

Manda P
05 Nov 2018 ·

...this, I added her to see exactly what pictures he had been looking at. Um, psycho! But, yeah, he hasn't been on there in a long time so it's not like she saw his name somewhere. Agh!! Super stressin & obsessing. I know it's not real but f*ck if...

Manda P
05 Nov 2018 ·

...it doesn't feel real! He declined her request. Still obsessing. Psychiatrist said once we get the episode under control, he may have a med we can try for the obsessive thoughts! Can you imagine?! I OB-F*CKING-SESS over EVERYTHING!!!!

Tristan G
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Zoe D
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Keeping Track A
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Keeping Track A
05 Nov 2018 ·

Poor Manda. That sounds super stressful! I hope you sort out your meds and that this girl backs off! xxx

Margot L
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
05 Nov 2018 ·

I hate when hugging feels insufficient but I can't think of anything remotely helpful to say. Just know that I'm rooting for you and sending you strength, Mandabear!

Manda P
05 Nov 2018 ·

Thanks, KT & Jeff! Mom calmed me down & said she probably saw him through those add a friend of a friend thing.

Manda P
05 Nov 2018 ·

Oops, too soon! I feel better. Had to talk to regular pharmacy twice & haven't even been called back by the nurse, but script has been transferred to *special* pharmacy. πŸ™„ Thanks for the hugs, Pandas! πŸ’š

Natalie C
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
05 Nov 2018 ·

Big hugs Manda xx

Metron A
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Silke V
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
05 Nov 2018 ·

I dunno what to say either, except I love you, stay strong! It's great you are so aware of things even when you're obsessing and almost hysterical (in your own words). That's fantastic.

Tasha S
06 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
07 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
07 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Keeping Track A
07 Nov 2018 ·

I'm glad they transferred it Manda! Your Mom had a good point too! xx

Manda P
08 Nov 2018 ·

Aw! Thanks my sweet Panda friends! You guys make me feel happy! Anna- I'm glad I've gotten to a point where I'm well aware of all the symptoms of my disorder so I know what's going south when. Thanks for hugs, Pandas.πŸ’–

Keeping Track A
09 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Keeping Track A
09 Nov 2018 ·

^^^ Great you know your signals! πŸ™ŒπŸ½

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5 Manda P
04 Nov 2018 ·
Where have I been? Sleeping or floating through life trying to check things on a checklist. Have started to take a nap everyday. Therapy, blah blah. Gotta step up the self care. Not even starting...
Manda P
04 Nov 2018 ·

....with more than one shower a week. Gotta DRINK MORE WATER. I used to be a pro at getting my water in for the day. So, yeah, step one: take meds; step two: drink a *** ton of water; step three: pick up meds; step four: see psychiatrist; step...

Manda P
04 Nov 2018 ·

...five: see therapist; step six to hopefully a long time from now step who knows what: live. Yikes. I feel like I can't handle it all. They'll probably put in in the hospital if I can't control things on my own. Only almost done with week two. SIX..

Manda P
04 Nov 2018 ·

...MONTHS of this ***. Omg, guys. What the f*ck am I gonna do? Yeah, forget step three & edit the rest: get blood work every Monday!

Margot L
04 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
04 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
05 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
07 Nov 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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4 Manda P
30 Oct 2018 ·
Have done nothing but get out of bed to eat lunch. Feel so exhausted from all this running around new med stuff & the cleaning. I need recovery time after draining events. Just realized I haven't...
Manda P
30 Oct 2018 ·

...had a GFUEL yet. BF always says to have them first thing. I won't drink them if I'm in bed though because I'm afraid of spilling it on the comforter. I just want to sleep for, like, a week straight. Better f*cking be getting my Clozapine today.

Libby B
30 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
30 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
30 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
30 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Margot L
31 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
31 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
31 Oct 2018 ·

❀️

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5 Manda P
27 Oct 2018 ·
Slept well. Intense adult time last night. At least that still works. Dream about mysterious man. As soon as I woke he vanished. Stuck w/me. Watching BF again. By fire, in pjs & robe (I only...
Manda P
27 Oct 2018 ·

...put in non-pj clothes when I go out in public (most of the time anyway & this is only the depression showing), & with a blanket so just generally comfy. New med is starting to really hit. Very tired most of the time. Have a feeling I'm going...

Manda P
27 Oct 2018 ·

...to get to the point of naps. I already fight the urge. Tomorrow is the last day of Fall Break. I hope the adjustment isn't too bad. My 10 day of no weighing was up today. I've lost 5 lbs! Now at 125lbs. Can't get wrapped up though because of new..

Manda P
27 Oct 2018 ·

...med. Gotta stay healthy. This is hard.

Lydia R
27 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
27 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Esther B
27 Oct 2018 ·

Stay strong Manda. Do you think these meds help you? PJs and blankets and cats are the best company

Manda P
27 Oct 2018 ·

Not helping yet, Esther. I'm starting at a very very very low dose & it's supposed to take weeks until I can notice a difference. I guess it is helping me sleep though which is good. A person goes bonkers without sleep! Thanks for the hugs, Pandas! πŸ’š

nixiblu .
27 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
27 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Margot L
28 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
28 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Esther B
28 Oct 2018 ·

Sleepindeed is necessary. I hope it will uplift your mood as well 😘

Manda P
28 Oct 2018 ·

Thanks, love! πŸ€— And thanks for the hugs, Pandas! πŸ’š

Natalie C
28 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
28 Oct 2018 ·

More hugsπŸ’•πŸ˜Š xx

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5 Manda P
27 Oct 2018 ·
Spent day watching BF play a new video on the PS4 which is in the comfy living room. I never sit in here. Not even when I'm home alone. Am going to play the game once he finishes. Have to start...
Manda P
27 Oct 2018 ·

...vacuuming & dusting the downstairs every M,W,F bcuz of BF's allergies. Stressing so much bcuz I don't know where I'll find the motivation to keep up. Trying to say it's that or get rid of our cats since we think that's the cause. I would kill...

Manda P
27 Oct 2018 ·

...myself if I didn't have my cats to keep me company during the day. I really don't know how I'd survive. They make me so happy & help me feel better so much.

Ivan Z
27 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
27 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
27 Oct 2018 ·

I hope you figure out how to manage the allergies. I'm very allergic to cats (but not dogs). He can see an allergist and get shots. They're inexpensive (usually covered by insurance with no problem) and really help!

Cindy M
27 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
27 Oct 2018 ·

Thanks so much for that info, Jeff! πŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’š Now that my week will start with blood work first thing Monday mornings, I should have the energy flowing to do it as soon as I get home & unload the groceries I'll inevitably have to get. Then lunch...

Manda P
27 Oct 2018 ·

...because I can't be skipping meals on this new med even though BF is encouraging it. I wish I didn't feel the control of him concerning my weight. 😒

Esther B
27 Oct 2018 ·

Would be very sad if your cats have to leave. I didn't know someone could get allergic at some stage when you've had cats all the time?

Manda P
27 Oct 2018 ·

Yeah, I didn't either. When we got our vaporizer it set off nose bleeds for him & he's been wrecked ever since. Doesn't have all the allergy symptoms at work so that lead us to cats. Hasn't been confirmed by a doctor yet though.

nixiblu .
27 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
28 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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1 Manda P
26 Oct 2018 ·
Arguments, worked through it, did thing that was stressing me out. All over & should relax the rest of the night but all I want to do is go to sleep & never wake up. So much sadness.
Bipolar Bear .
26 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Xavier M
26 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

E G
26 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Maria K
26 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
26 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
26 Oct 2018 ·

Aw, Manda, I hate seeing you struggle so often. It's hard to see you doing things you feel you HAVE to and not feeling like you make your own decisions in your life. I hope you talk to your counselor about that...

Jeff M
26 Oct 2018 ·

Sending you hugs and strength!

Cindy M
26 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
26 Oct 2018 ·

Lots of love, Manda - thinking of you xx

Jen B
26 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
26 Oct 2018 ·

Thanks so much, Jeff & Cindy. xx I love you guys. πŸ’– It was a totally stupid situation. I needed to transfer my number to my new phone & wanted to do it in the bedroom BY MYSELF because of my PHONE ANXIETY which my psychologist PRESCRIBED TREATMENT...

Manda P
26 Oct 2018 ·

...FOR but noooo he insisted it was better if he was there! It caused WAAAY too much stress. I haven't cried that hard & for so long in quite awhile. I called my (ex)stepdad a sobbing mess & was finally able to stop crying. I'm starting to feel...

Manda P
26 Oct 2018 ·

...like he was the only parent to ever really love me. 😒 Jeff- I'm going to go write that down on my therapy list now. Thank you for the push. Thanks for the hugs, Panda. πŸ’š

DesBear D
27 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
27 Oct 2018 ·

Proud of you for doing the thing! ❀️

Manda P
27 Oct 2018 ·

Thanks so much, my Des! It's good to have someone recognize the small achievement. xx

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5 Manda P
25 Oct 2018 ·
BF & daughter got haircuts. I stayed home in case BF's new phone got delivered. He is selling me his iPhone X! I can't wait to take pictures! Mine is 4 years old. I had had enough. Will be so afraid..
Jeff M
25 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
25 Oct 2018 ·

New phone is exciting! I need a new phone too...mine doesn't work well, but I want to wait until a new one comes out next year. Hope you have no problems with your review!

Manda P
25 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
25 Oct 2018 ·

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Manda P
25 Oct 2018 ·

...of dropping it. Slept well. Got pulled for Disability review. Stressful even though there should be no doubt that they won't take it away. Gotta gather LOTS of paperwork. πŸ˜”

Manda P
25 Oct 2018 ·

Thanks, Jeff! His arrived so he's setting it up now. Mine next! Daughter went with BF's dad to carve pumpkins & go out to dinner. Vaping inside. ☺️

Manda P
25 Oct 2018 ·

Hit enter too soon. I'm really hoping there are no problems too. I was EXTREMELY fortunate & was approved after just a couple months of submitting it. For most people it takes years & multiple appeals. I mean, I am REALLY lucky! Thanks for the...

Manda P
25 Oct 2018 ·

...hugs, Pandas! πŸ’š

Manda P
26 Oct 2018 ·

Thank you, Natalie. xx I agree that the whole thing is really messed up!

DesBear D
27 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
25 Oct 2018 ·

Hope the review goes well πŸ€žπŸ’• I have it when they ask for proof of disability, like we don't have enough to deal with already😭. Xx

Margot L
25 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
25 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Xavier M
25 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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6 Manda P
24 Oct 2018 ·
Lil Bro on his way over. We're having ham & beans with cornbread for dinner. Yum! Only slept 4 hours. Really thought the Clozapine would knock me out. Transcribing my evil little black book journal...
Manda P
24 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
24 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
24 Oct 2018 ·

Evil Little Black Book sounds like a cool name for a show.

Manda P
24 Oct 2018 ·

Huuuuuuuuuuugggggggggeeeeeeedd myself! πŸ€— ...to my online diary. Feels good to focus. BF doesn't want me to do it while they are home though. A friend told me I should write a book even though they had no clue I was doing that. The Diarymaster even...

Manda P
24 Oct 2018 ·

...thanked me for adding this history & that it was interesting to read! So many times in there I write about no one will ever read this, etc. It was the SERIOUS journal.

Libby B
24 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
24 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
24 Oct 2018 ·

There's a comedy called Black Books.

John T
24 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
24 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
24 Oct 2018 ·

Evil Little Black Book, directed by Mandabear, featuring Alicia as Dairymaster! Jeff as Lil Bro.

Jeff M
24 Oct 2018 ·

Sorry, Manda, couldn't resist. I find the Dairymaster intriguing! Keep writing in those journals...that's good therapy!

John T
24 Oct 2018 ·

Is Dairymaster some kind of milkmaid or a diarist like Samuel Peyps or something...? (Now this is me not being able to resist! 😁)

John T
24 Oct 2018 ·

https://www.pepysdiary.com/diary/1665/09/28/ If you like history and comedy this is one of the best things ever written (obviously not intended as comedy).

Margot L
24 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
24 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
24 Oct 2018 ·

You definitely should keep a journal. If people don't approve. Don't tell them

Manda P
25 Oct 2018 ·

That's a great idea, Jeff. πŸ˜‚ I'm definitely still writing in my online diary. It really does help so much. After I'm done with the ELBB, i'm putting it in a bubble envelope & wrapping it with tape! I have another paper journal (the happy little...

Manda P
25 Oct 2018 ·

...pink book?) but daughter could read it at anytime.

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5 Manda P
24 Oct 2018 ·
FINALLY got my new med today. It was a hassle. I really hope all this is worth it. It says it 'helps you think more clearly and positively about yourself, feel less nervous, and take part in...
Manda P
24 Oct 2018 ·

...everyday life' in the pamphlet that comes with the prescription. I read those for all new meds & none of them have said anything like that. Feeling hopeful. Wouldn't that be AMAZING?! A 5 just because I did a bunch of yard work, went to the city..

Manda P
24 Oct 2018 ·

...& had to park in a SUPER stressful area, took a shower (full shave), & will try to adult tonight. The hyper sexuality is going away. The Seroquel killed it. 😒

Maria F
24 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Linda H
24 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
24 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
24 Oct 2018 ·

I hope the medication helps you, manda! You deserve a break from all the pain and a chance to at least get to a normal baseline, let alone be happy! :) Good for you for adulting!

Cindy M
24 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
24 Oct 2018 ·

Fingers crossed for you xx

Manda P
24 Oct 2018 ·

Thanks, Jeff & Cindy. I would definitely settle for a normal baseline, Jeff. If I could clean every week like I used to I would feel a lot better about myself. Anything above that is bonus! Thanks for the hugs, Pandas! πŸ’š

Alicia B
24 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
24 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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7 Manda P
19 Oct 2018 ·
Starting Clozapine & weaning off Seroquel. It wasn't doing sh*t. Super serious time now. My blood draws will be every Wednesday for 6 months & then monthly for as long as I'm on it. You have to be...
Manda P
19 Oct 2018 ·

...registered in some kind of database where the pharmacy will only give 7 day supply until they get you next results & then they hand out another 7. This *** is crazy. Gotta go to a new pharmacy for it but it's not too far from home & pretty sure..

Manda P
19 Oct 2018 ·

...it's an easy parking lot which you guys know is essential! So, yep, if all goes well I take my first dose tonight.

Manda P
19 Oct 2018 ·

Daughter spending the night with MIL. He said he has come down with so

John T
19 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
19 Oct 2018 ·

Good luck! I hope it works well for you.

Natalie C
19 Oct 2018 ·

Glad to hear you have had a better day. Fingers crossed with the new medication. Hope it works with minimal side effects xx

Gabrielle H
19 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
19 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
19 Oct 2018 ·

Hope this helps xx

Manda P
19 Oct 2018 ·

Thanks, Pandas. Of course there was a million things to deal with & we found out my labs from last week are invalid so back I go Monday for that. Hospital parking lot causes a lot of anxiety. πŸ˜”

Jeff M
19 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
19 Oct 2018 ·

I hope this helps you, sweet Mandabear!

Manda P
20 Oct 2018 ·

Thanks, Jeff! πŸ’š I've put high hopes on it because it's known to work miracles. Also because I have a feeling they are really going to try & push ECT on me if it doesn't work. He brought it up today & I said no way because my Mom & husband don't...

Manda P
20 Oct 2018 ·

...want me to do it & I know it can cause significant memory loss which is something I definitely don't need to make worse!

DesBear D
20 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Esther B
20 Oct 2018 ·

I hope it will help you dear Amanda. You're in my thoughts

Margot L
20 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
24 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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2 Manda P
18 Oct 2018 ·
BF flirted with the girl at the restaurant. Can't say he wasn't because he wouldn't have said it if it was a guy. He is also going to get a styled haircut & a new facial hair look. Want to die.
Natalie C
18 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cody I
18 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
18 Oct 2018 ·

How hurtful & insensitive ☹ im so sorry! You deserve to be treated so much better. Forget him & go and treat yourself to something nice or a book/ cuppa tea & cuddles with cat 😊 xx

Manda P
19 Oct 2018 ·

Thanks, Natalie. That was exactly my plan but he got me to say what was upsetting me & insisted he wasn't flirting & that it was just small talk. πŸ™„ He is making me watch TV with him. I'm sitting out here for awhile so he'll just leave me alone.

Manda P
19 Oct 2018 ·

Will definitely be going to bed soon. My sweet cat, Sophie, gave me lots of love. She always makes me feel better. Hope you have sweet dreams tonight, Natalie & thanks for the hug, Cody. πŸ’š

Jeff M
19 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
19 Oct 2018 ·

From a guy's perspective, we do stupid things. Sometimes we flirt without intending it...perhaps a pretty girl gives us attention when we don't expect it, and it makes us feel good. It can be unintentional and certainly not meant to imply...

Jeff M
19 Oct 2018 ·

...anything. It is stupid for sure, and I'm sorry he did that. But try not to read too much into a new hairstyle. Sometimes guys, like girls, just want to feel good about themselves and just want a change.

Jeff M
19 Oct 2018 ·

It's ok to talk to him about it. I'm sure he cares about you first and foremost. But also, you have the right to know and be taken seriously and be the focus here. I hope he realizes that too! *Big hugs*

Cindy M
19 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
19 Oct 2018 ·

Thanks, JeffBear! We eventually talked about it & there is obviously a lot going on in this brain of mine right now but we got to the bottom of it. He still insists it was small talk. I figured out why I was reacting poorly over the hair changes &...

Manda P
19 Oct 2018 ·

...& perceived flirting. It's the goddamn awful eating disorder. Ruins EVERYTHING!

Manda P
19 Oct 2018 ·

Thanks for the hug, Cindy. xx

Cindy M
19 Oct 2018 ·

Glad you were able to talk about and reflect on it.

Manda P
19 Oct 2018 ·

Yes, Cindy. It was very nice & even though it was messy, I felt progress was made!

Jeff M
19 Oct 2018 ·

Do T think it's your fault, Manda! You have the right to feel how you feel! But I'm so glad you talked about it!

Jeff M
19 Oct 2018 ·

*Don't

Manda P
20 Oct 2018 ·

Well, my general rule is to think everything is my fault. 😜

nixiblu .
24 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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5 Manda P
18 Oct 2018 ·
Trying to keep it cool. Waiting for daughter to come out of school. BF let me know she got White Rabbit in the school play. I think everyone was expecting more. She's got the talent, no...
Manda P
18 Oct 2018 ·

...question, it's just the b*tch of a teacher that runs it. BF's test scores make it obvious that she SUCKS at her job so she's always β€œpunished” daughter for it. She was her teacher last year. Can't wait till she gets to Jr. High next year. New...

Manda P
18 Oct 2018 ·

...play director & three plays a year. She will get what she deserves. Mom told me to tell her to give them the best damn White Rabbit they've ever seen & not let ignorant people win.

Metron A
18 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
18 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
18 Oct 2018 ·

The white rabbit may not be the biggest part, but it's a cool character and super important! I am sure she'll be amazing at it!

Margot L
18 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
18 Oct 2018 ·

You're right, Jeff. When he told me I immediately said how awesome the part was & how she'd kill it but BF got in my head. Daughter & friends checked out a script online because they didn't get their's yet & White Rabbit actually had a lot of lines.

Manda P
18 Oct 2018 ·

We'll see. I'm already super pumped to see the performance even though it's not till February. 😣 Thanks for the hugs, Pandas. πŸ’š

Cindy M
19 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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6 Manda P
17 Oct 2018 ·
Feeling hopeful. My dearest friend possibly saved my life today. I was already back peddling on all the progress I made with my ED once I hit 130lbs but they pointed out how that would be a...
Manda P
17 Oct 2018 ·

...a very dangerous thing to do if I was going on a med that could drastically lower my white blood cell count. I'm going to work my way through small goals of eventually not even weighing myself. I'm already back down to 126lbs so I'm not worried.

Jeff M
17 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
17 Oct 2018 ·

I cut out a lot of the binging just recently which is why I'm losing. I'm confident it'll balance out to a HEALTHY weight.

Jeff M
17 Oct 2018 ·

Sometimes the universe sends us those people when we most need them! I hope you managed to be healthy and on the medication to help you without letting your ED take over! *Big Hugs*

Manda P
17 Oct 2018 ·

Thanks, Jeff. The universe absolutely positively wants this person in my life. That's been known for a long time. I see my psychiatrist on Friday so we'll see if I'm actually starting this med or not.

sonny S
17 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Silke V
17 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
17 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
17 Oct 2018 ·

Manda panda. Wishing you much love

Manda P
17 Oct 2018 ·

Aw, thank you, my sweet nixi! πŸ’™πŸ’™

Bipolar Bear .
18 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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3 Manda P
13 Oct 2018 ·
Argument w/BF last night over sex. Thought it was in the past. Woke up, 'relaxed', sat down at PC to hang out w/him today & brings the f*cking sh*t back up! He's the one who was being totally nice...
Manda P
13 Oct 2018 ·

...& saying that it was ok & we didn't have to do it so why is he making a big deal out of the fact that we didn't do it?! He brought all this up w/daughter in hearing distance. I eventually walked away. In bed for the day. F*ck this sh*t. I just...

Manda P
13 Oct 2018 ·

...wasted WAY too many tears over that. Sis calmed me down through texts. Thankful for her.

John T
13 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Penelope P
13 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
13 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
13 Oct 2018 ·

Glad your sister was a good support - hope you guys can work through this. Relationships are hard..

Natalie C
13 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Margot L
13 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
14 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
15 Oct 2018 ·

Thanks, Cindy. It was messy, but we made it through. Brought up the crappy way I treat BF in general. Will try harder to not do that. Thanks for the hugs, Pandas. xx

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5 Manda P
12 Oct 2018 ·
Dinner w/older bro & fam tonight. Feel panicky even though I totally shouldn't. BF has had one nephew in class & has the other now. They love him to death. We will laugh a lot. Not ordering a beer.
Ali S
12 Oct 2018 · NEW

*Hugs*

Sam B
12 Oct 2018 · NEW

*Hugs*

Cindy M
12 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
12 Oct 2018 ·

Hope it goes well - sounds like it should be fun

Maite P
12 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jen B
13 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
13 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
13 Oct 2018 ·

You're a strong lady!

DesBear D
13 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
13 Oct 2018 ·

Thanks, Cindy & Alicia. I think everyone had a great time & I only thought about the beer once after we sat down. Quite the success I'd say. Thanks for the hugs, Pandas. πŸ’–

Natalie C
13 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
13 Oct 2018 ·

Glad to hear you had a good night xx

Manda P
15 Oct 2018 ·

Thanks, Natalie! xx

Alicia B
17 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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5 Manda P
09 Oct 2018 ·
Feel lower but not gonna let BF get me down. Got pissed before we even made it home after picking them up. Therapy today. Notes look great, now to put to use. Too fat. Trying to not obsess. Difficult.
Jeff M
09 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
09 Oct 2018 ·

Aw, I wish I could tell everyone (myself included) when they (and me) say 'too fat' that you're (and maybe me?) so beautiful and full of worth! *Big hugs*

Pamela H
09 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Bipolar Bear .
10 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
10 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Margot L
10 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
10 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

DesBear D
11 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jen B
11 Oct 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
12 Oct 2018 ·

Aw, thanks, Jeff. I wish we could all say that too. Thanks for the hugs, Pandas! πŸ’œ

Ali S
12 Oct 2018 · NEW

*Hugs*

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