MoodPanda: 3.8
 Days: 413
 Been hugged: 5565
 Followers: 105
paul M · 4d 3
OK, life sucks. But I need to get out, communicate with people.
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Binky B · 4d
*Hugs*
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Binky B · 4d
You never know,anything could happen. I hope you have some good conversations and feel connected to others, even just for a short time. It's good for the soul x
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paul M · 4d
Well, that's the main issue. 'You never know' means 'the worst possible' to me.
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Esther B · 4d
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Emerald M · 4d
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DesBear D · 3d
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Manda P · 3d
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paul M · 7d 3
Hope, that all our lives will get better and brighter.
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Jeff M · 7d
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Manda P · 7d
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Claire M · 7d
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Binky B · 6d
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DesBear D · 6d
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Esther B · 5d
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paul M · 08 Jan 2017 3
so much wasted time. Waiting until I'll feel better. Never gonna happen.
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Sabrina W · 08 Jan 2017
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Marie S · 08 Jan 2017
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Silke V · 08 Jan 2017
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Claire M · 08 Jan 2017
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Binky B · 08 Jan 2017
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Manda P · 08 Jan 2017
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DesBear D · 08 Jan 2017
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Meggie B · 7d
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paul M · 05 Jan 2017 2
Thursday same as Tuesday. I feel like sinking, I'm losing hope, I'm losing energy, I'm very tired.
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Karen V · 05 Jan 2017
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Manda P · 05 Jan 2017
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Richard E · 05 Jan 2017
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Binky B · 05 Jan 2017
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Stephen P · 06 Jan 2017
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DesBear D · 06 Jan 2017
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nixiblu . · 06 Jan 2017
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Christina E · 06 Jan 2017
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Tasha S · 06 Jan 2017
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Claire M · 06 Jan 2017
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paul M · 03 Jan 2017 2
Tuesday evening, time for self-loathing, whining, crying, asking why I'm such an idiot, business as usual. Same old, same old. Happy New Year!
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Victoria V · 03 Jan 2017
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Karen V · 03 Jan 2017
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Jeff M · 03 Jan 2017
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Stephen P · 04 Jan 2017
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Binky B · 04 Jan 2017
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Christina E · 04 Jan 2017
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Claire M · 04 Jan 2017
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Manda P · 04 Jan 2017
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Meggie B · 04 Jan 2017
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DesBear D · 04 Jan 2017
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paul M · 09 Dec 2016 4
I have energy to work these few days. I wonder, is it because of beta blocker I took? I feel that it makes me unable to become really anxious and paralyzed by anxiety.
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Binky B · 09 Dec 2016
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Astrid E · 09 Dec 2016
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Claire M · 09 Dec 2016
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Christina E · 09 Dec 2016
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Leia L · 09 Dec 2016
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Leia L · 09 Dec 2016
As far as I know beta blockers stop the physical symptoms of anxiety x
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Jeff M · 09 Dec 2016
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paul M · 09 Dec 2016
I'm quite content without racing heart, shaking hands and panting.
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Esther B · 09 Dec 2016
that's a good thing. hope your energy level stays high.
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Stephen P · 10 Dec 2016
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DesBear D · 10 Dec 2016
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H F · 10 Dec 2016
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Manda P · 10 Dec 2016
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paul M · 04 Dec 2016 4
Finally did few things that I've been delaying for months. 30 minutes work. Feeling very relieved.
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Hilda R · 04 Dec 2016
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Han M · 04 Dec 2016
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Stephen P · 04 Dec 2016
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Binky B · 05 Dec 2016
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Christina E · 05 Dec 2016
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H F · 05 Dec 2016
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H F · 05 Dec 2016
That's great - well done!
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Meggie B · 05 Dec 2016
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DesBear D · 05 Dec 2016
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paul M · 04 Dec 2016 3
I'm not good at anything.
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Emillie W · 04 Dec 2016
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Esther B · 04 Dec 2016
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Laura H · 04 Dec 2016
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Kelly S · 04 Dec 2016
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Hilda R · 04 Dec 2016
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Tasha S · 04 Dec 2016
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Christina E · 04 Dec 2016
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Stephen P · 04 Dec 2016
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Binky B · 05 Dec 2016
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Meggie B · 05 Dec 2016
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paul M · 01 Dec 2016 3
muscles hurt, because I'm so tense all day. I think, I'll find a big hot bath and sit there for 3 hours.
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Hilda R · 01 Dec 2016
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Alma B · 01 Dec 2016
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DesBear D · 01 Dec 2016
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John S · 01 Dec 2016
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Stephen P · 01 Dec 2016
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Cindy M · 02 Dec 2016
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Claire M · 02 Dec 2016
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Binky B · 02 Dec 2016
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Tasha S · 02 Dec 2016
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Christina E · 02 Dec 2016
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nixiblu . · 02 Dec 2016
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Manda P · 02 Dec 2016
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Hilda R · 02 Dec 2016
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Meggie B · 02 Dec 2016
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paul M · 30 Nov 2016 3
not good. not good at all.
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Kitty W NEW · 30 Nov 2016
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Leia L · 30 Nov 2016
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Sophia M · 30 Nov 2016
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Christina E · 30 Nov 2016
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Jeff M · 30 Nov 2016
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Anna . · 30 Nov 2016
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Silke V · 30 Nov 2016
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Cindy M · 30 Nov 2016
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Cindy M · 30 Nov 2016
Big hugs, Paul - you're in my thoughts xx
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Stephen P · 01 Dec 2016
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Binky B · 01 Dec 2016
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Han M · 01 Dec 2016
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Manda P · 01 Dec 2016
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DesBear D · 01 Dec 2016
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Meggie B · 02 Dec 2016
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paul M · 28 Nov 2016 4
happy birthday to me!
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John S · 28 Nov 2016
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Tasha S · 28 Nov 2016
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Astrid E · 28 Nov 2016
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Astrid E · 28 Nov 2016
Happy birthday Paul :)
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Christina E · 28 Nov 2016
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Claire M · 28 Nov 2016
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Claire M · 28 Nov 2016
Big birthday hugs x
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Alma B · 28 Nov 2016
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Leia L · 28 Nov 2016
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Jeff M · 28 Nov 2016
*Hugs*
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Jeff M · 28 Nov 2016
Happy birthday, paulbear! I hope, if nothing else, you spoil yourself today. I know birthdays are hard, but you can use it as an excuse to treat yourself. We'll eat virtual panda cake in your honor!
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Esther B · 28 Nov 2016
Happy birthday !
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Meggie B · 28 Nov 2016
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 28 Nov 2016
Happy Birthday, paul! Jeff's virtual panda cake is yummy! I think I'll go back for seconds!
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nixiblu . · 28 Nov 2016
*Hugs*
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nixiblu . · 28 Nov 2016
Happy birthday
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DesBear D · 28 Nov 2016
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Stephen P · 28 Nov 2016
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Binky B · 29 Nov 2016
Happy birthday Paul! :-)
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Anna . · 30 Nov 2016
Happy birthday, Paul <3
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paul M · 24 Nov 2016 4
cold. Don't like.
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Max L · 24 Nov 2016
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Tasha S · 24 Nov 2016
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Christina E · 24 Nov 2016
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Claire M · 24 Nov 2016
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Manda P · 24 Nov 2016
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Silke V · 24 Nov 2016
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Stephen P · 24 Nov 2016
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DesBear D · 25 Nov 2016
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paul M · 22 Nov 2016 4
Feeling disconnected, divided into pieces.
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Alice T · 22 Nov 2016
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Esther B · 22 Nov 2016
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DesBear D · 22 Nov 2016
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Stephen P · 22 Nov 2016
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Binky B · 23 Nov 2016
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H F · 23 Nov 2016
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Tasha S · 23 Nov 2016
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Christina E · 23 Nov 2016
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Manda P · 23 Nov 2016
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Meggie B · 23 Nov 2016
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paul M · 21 Nov 2016 4
evening self-hatred session.
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Rowan M · 21 Nov 2016
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R H · 21 Nov 2016
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4Give 1 · 21 Nov 2016
With self-recrimination as the therapist. We all have one.
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Stephen P · 22 Nov 2016
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Claire M · 22 Nov 2016
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Christina E · 22 Nov 2016
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nixiblu . · 22 Nov 2016
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H F · 22 Nov 2016
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Silke V · 22 Nov 2016
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DesBear D · 22 Nov 2016
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Binky B · 23 Nov 2016
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Manda P · 23 Nov 2016
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paul M · 21 Nov 2016 3
morning self-hatred session
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Claire M · 21 Nov 2016
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Jeff M · 21 Nov 2016
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R H · 21 Nov 2016
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Stephen P · 21 Nov 2016
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Christina E · 21 Nov 2016
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nixiblu . · 22 Nov 2016
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Manda P · 23 Nov 2016
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paul M · 19 Nov 2016 5
My son has a girlfriend now, he's so happy, He's 15. I drove him to a date, he got flowers for her. Good that he's doing better than me.
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John S · 19 Nov 2016
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Chris A · 19 Nov 2016
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Stephen P · 20 Nov 2016
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4Give 1 · 20 Nov 2016
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John W · 20 Nov 2016
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H F · 20 Nov 2016
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Manda P · 20 Nov 2016
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Claire M · 20 Nov 2016
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Christina E · 20 Nov 2016
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paul M · 19 Nov 2016 4
At least, I can put together stories. L liked mine and asked to write more.
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Manda P · 19 Nov 2016
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Manda P · 19 Nov 2016
That's great, paul!
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4Give 1 · 19 Nov 2016
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Han M · 19 Nov 2016
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Stephen P · 20 Nov 2016
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Claire M · 20 Nov 2016
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Christina E · 20 Nov 2016
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paul M · 16 Nov 2016 4
I'm creating this story about me, about trade that I did. Sometime very early I made a deal with mother - I will deny my own existence in exchange for not being hit.
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Jeff M · 16 Nov 2016
So now that you realize that, and you're not in danger of being hit, why not believe in yourself a little bit again? No matter how hard it is, there is nothing we can't change with effort.
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Jeff M · 16 Nov 2016
*Hugs*
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Brett O · 16 Nov 2016
*Hugs*
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paul M · 16 Nov 2016
Well, I only begin to realize that. I'd say, about 10%. Because I still feel very strong fear whenever I come close to 'breaching the contract'. Like having needs and wishes.
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paul M · 16 Nov 2016
I can't think my way through this fear. I don't know, how to solve/win this.
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Meggie B · 16 Nov 2016
*Hugs*
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Jeff M · 16 Nov 2016
Yeah, I don't know how to work through those kinds of issues that I have either. But it's possible. And that's what experts are paid to help us with. Might be worth talking to someone since you've identified this issue!
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Manda P · 16 Nov 2016
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Stephen P · 16 Nov 2016
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DesBear D · 16 Nov 2016
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Claire M · 18 Nov 2016
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Khaviya B · 19 Nov 2016
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paul M · 16 Nov 2016 4
not that terrible. I'm an idiot.
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Christina E · 16 Nov 2016
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Jeff M · 16 Nov 2016
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Claire M · 16 Nov 2016
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Claire M · 16 Nov 2016
You're not.
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paul M · 16 Nov 2016
Thats automatic talk.
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Meggie B · 16 Nov 2016
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Manda P · 16 Nov 2016
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Silke V · 16 Nov 2016
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Stephen P · 16 Nov 2016
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DesBear D · 16 Nov 2016
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paul M · 15 Nov 2016 4
Onwards. Tuesday nights usually are the most terrible. Let's see how this one goes.
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Dora M · 15 Nov 2016
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Khaviya B · 15 Nov 2016
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Manda P · 15 Nov 2016
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Silke V · 15 Nov 2016
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Stephen P · 15 Nov 2016
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Christina E · 16 Nov 2016
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Claire M · 16 Nov 2016
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Meggie B · 16 Nov 2016
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paul M · 15 Nov 2016 4
Trying to understand that my thoughts are based on outdated, inefficient patterns.
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Alice H · 15 Nov 2016
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Khaviya B · 15 Nov 2016
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Manda P · 15 Nov 2016
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Stephen P · 15 Nov 2016
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Christina E · 16 Nov 2016
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Claire M · 16 Nov 2016
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Meggie B · 16 Nov 2016
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Esther B · 17 Nov 2016
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paul M · 11 Nov 2016 1
It's cold and I'm very tired.
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Maddie S · 11 Nov 2016
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Matilde M · 11 Nov 2016
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Claire M · 11 Nov 2016
*Hugs*
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Claire M · 11 Nov 2016
Sending warm energizing hugs on your way x
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4Give 1 · 11 Nov 2016
More energizing hugs coming your way.
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H F · 11 Nov 2016
*Hugs*
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Jeff M · 11 Nov 2016
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Tasha S · 11 Nov 2016
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paul M · 11 Nov 2016
Thanks :)
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Silke V · 11 Nov 2016
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Christina E · 11 Nov 2016
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Esther B · 11 Nov 2016
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Stephen P · 11 Nov 2016
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DesBear D · 12 Nov 2016
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nixiblu . · 12 Nov 2016
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Manda P · 12 Nov 2016
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Meggie B · 14 Nov 2016
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paul M · 09 Nov 2016 2
no point in feeling useless. I do that to play helpless victim role and get protection. like 43 years ago that worked at some moment, not anymore. need to realize that.
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Meggie B · 09 Nov 2016
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Manda P · 09 Nov 2016
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Jeff M · 09 Nov 2016
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Tasha S · 09 Nov 2016
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DesBear D · 09 Nov 2016
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Stephen P · 10 Nov 2016
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Claire M · 10 Nov 2016
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Han M · 10 Nov 2016
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Meggie B · 10 Nov 2016
paul, good job on the functional behavioral self-assessment! learned helplessness is actually...learned. it's right there in the name.
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Meggie B · 10 Nov 2016
that means, though, that it's not some innate character flaw or fundamental brokenness!
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Meggie B · 10 Nov 2016
*Hugs*
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paul M · 11 Nov 2016
Yes, now only to really understand this.
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H F · 11 Nov 2016
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paul M · 08 Nov 2016 1
I'm sorry. I know that my sadness and loneliness is only my fault and doing. I'm very sorry.
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Allan M · 08 Nov 2016
*Hugs*
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Janozie W NEW · 08 Nov 2016
Not your fault. You can't control what is happening.
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Meggie B · 08 Nov 2016
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Anonmous A · 08 Nov 2016
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Stephen P · 09 Nov 2016
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Silke V · 09 Nov 2016
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Claire M · 09 Nov 2016
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Christina E · 09 Nov 2016
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H F · 09 Nov 2016
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Manda P · 09 Nov 2016
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DesBear D · 09 Nov 2016
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paul M · 04 Nov 2016 4
I'm nice and friendly from a distance, but, the closer someone becomes, I become more anxious and tense, and irrational. Until finally person leaves, disgusted...
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Nick H · 04 Nov 2016
*Hugs*
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Han M · 04 Nov 2016
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Jeff M · 04 Nov 2016
*Hugs*
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Jeff M · 04 Nov 2016
Yeah, interacting with people is hard. We are our own worst enemies in that regard. Hard to let someone in...I'm there with you!
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DiamondWolf ?? · 04 Nov 2016
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Manda P · 04 Nov 2016
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Christina E · 04 Nov 2016
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Stephen P · 04 Nov 2016
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DesBear D · 05 Nov 2016
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DiamondWolf ?? · 05 Nov 2016
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Claire M · 05 Nov 2016
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Meggie B · 07 Nov 2016
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paul M · 03 Nov 2016 3
too much of everything. I don't want this. I'm tired. Hope, D won't go to dancing tonight. Lately, it's so much better if I don't see her.
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Claire M · 03 Nov 2016
*Hugs*
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Tasha S · 03 Nov 2016
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Manda P · 03 Nov 2016
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Luna G · 03 Nov 2016
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Christina E · 03 Nov 2016
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DesBear D · 03 Nov 2016
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Stephen P · 03 Nov 2016
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Esther B · 04 Nov 2016
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Han M · 04 Nov 2016
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paul M · 03 Nov 2016 3
Wrote a list and put on the wall - all things that I need when I leave for work. Too much of stuff and memory fails.
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4Give 1 · 03 Nov 2016
Good strategy. I have one for the day and one for the week to help keep me on track.
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Claire M · 03 Nov 2016
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 03 Nov 2016
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Tasha S · 03 Nov 2016
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Christina E · 03 Nov 2016
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DesBear D · 03 Nov 2016
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Stephen P · 03 Nov 2016
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Han M · 04 Nov 2016
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paul M · 02 Nov 2016 4
Low energy, failing memory, low mood. Also, November, most unpleasant month. Also, my insane babylike needs. Ugh.
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DesBear D · 02 Nov 2016
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Tasha S · 02 Nov 2016
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Silke V · 02 Nov 2016
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Esther B · 02 Nov 2016
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Stephen P · 02 Nov 2016
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4Give 1 · 02 Nov 2016
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Binky B · 03 Nov 2016
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Yuki B · 03 Nov 2016
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Claire M · 03 Nov 2016
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Manda P · 03 Nov 2016
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Christina E · 03 Nov 2016
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paul M · 02 Nov 2016 2
ugh.
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Khaviya B · 02 Nov 2016
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Jeff M · 02 Nov 2016
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Binky B · 02 Nov 2016
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Tasha S · 02 Nov 2016
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DesBear D · 02 Nov 2016
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Stephen P · 02 Nov 2016
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Manda P · 03 Nov 2016
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paul M · 30 Oct 2016 3
Whiner. Idiot. Creep. Old pervert. Spineless and disgusting. Hate myself.
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4Give 1 · 30 Oct 2016
Would hate the thoughts I have about myself be more accurate?
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DesBear D · 30 Oct 2016
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 30 Oct 2016
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Stephen P · 30 Oct 2016
*Hugs*
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paul M · 30 Oct 2016
Definitely hate them too...
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4Give 1 · 30 Oct 2016
Me, too. Theres a technique where we give them names. How does Biff the Bully sound?
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4Give 1 · 30 Oct 2016
When that voice raises its head tell Biff the Bully to f**k off. :)
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4Give 1 · 30 Oct 2016
But if the voice were to raise its head if you were engaging in truly perverted acts, it may serve as a moral guide. Not saying you were, just sayin.
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4Give 1 · 30 Oct 2016
Hell, we could give it a name, too. How about Marvin the Moralizer. Marvin the Moralizer is on his soapbox just about daily with me. Youre looking at that lady's legs too long. Stop staring at her blouse. Get those nasty thoughts out of your head.
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Claire M · 31 Oct 2016
*Hugs*
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Christina E · 31 Oct 2016
*Hugs*
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DiamondWolf ?? · 01 Nov 2016
*Hugs*
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DiamondWolf ?? · 01 Nov 2016
That isn't true, I have said horrible things to myself and I sometimes believe that I'm telling the truth, but I'm not. And northern are you.
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