3.5 avg
  127 days
  990 hugs
  43 followers
0 Aiden Z
29 Dec 2018 ·
Feeling like I'm unworthy of anyone's time or love. Being trans & trying to find a partner for love is tearing me apart at every seam just in time for my sister's wedding on the 31st. Nobody wants me
Jeff M
29 Dec 2018 ·

Maybe you don't need someone for the wedding. You can enjoy yourself without that person. Perhaps your putting undue pressure on yourself. Maybe you'll even meet someone at the wedding!

Aiden Z
29 Dec 2018 ·

It's not the wedding itself. It's more like that's the reminder of my single status that hasn't changed in 9+ years.

Albertine M
29 Dec 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Sophie V
29 Dec 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Carmen H
29 Dec 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jen B
29 Dec 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Penelope P
29 Dec 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
29 Dec 2018 ·

Yeah, I can relate to that.

Reba H
29 Dec 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Janine S
29 Dec 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Janine S
29 Dec 2018 ·

That's understandable

Manda P
31 Dec 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
31 Dec 2018 ·

Hey, Aiden. Glad to see you back but sorry it is under these circumstances. I wish I had better words to say except not to give up. That person is out there.

Aiden Z
05 Jan 2019 ·

@Manda P I didn't really know what else to do. And I think I found someone just by chance. I've kept pretty quiet about it too my family because I want things to work out and I don't want to jinx it. My family isn't the most supportive at times.

Manda P
06 Jan 2019 ·

You don't need your family's support, do you? As long as you're happy is what matters.

Aiden Z
06 Jan 2019 ·

No I don't need their support or involvement. I'm an adult and it's none of their business until I say it is.

Manda P
08 Jan 2019 ·

Have you met their family?

Aiden Z
09 Jan 2019 ·

No. It's gonna be awhile before that happens

Manda P
09 Jan 2019 ·

Well, good luck. I really hope everything works out for you.

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4 Aiden Z
10 Mar 2018 ·
Trying to get a date with someone when you're transgender is like walking on a minefield. It's hardly worth the effort of disappointment & ruined self-esteem but I still try & punish myself.
anon u
10 Mar 2018 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
10 Mar 2018 · NEW

*Hugs*

Lydia R
10 Mar 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Love 1
10 Mar 2018 ·

Wondering if theres an online , supportive dating site you can join. BTW, I admire your willingness to suffer for love.

Aiden Z
10 Mar 2018 ·

I looked into that. Too difficult to navigate since I don't have a proper PC at the moment. If it doesn't have an Android app, it may as well not exist.

Aiden Z
10 Mar 2018 ·

Plus a lot of sites are full of people that have unhealthy obsessions and fetishes and stuff concerning people like me and I'm not into that.

Tasha S
10 Mar 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Michelle W
10 Mar 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Odie W
18 Mar 2018 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
19 Apr 2018 · NEW

Same situation here. I'm a trans guy and I have a crush on a friend's friend who is a straight cis woman. I feel hopeless and trapped. Glad to see another trans guy on MP. We should exchange some experiences with each other.

Aiden Z
19 Apr 2018 ·

I've never encountered another trans guy on MP either. I tried the whole online dating thing but my profile read more like a disclaimer and it was so defensive I'm sure it had to be a turnoff.

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0 Aiden Z
19 Feb 2018 ·
There's a difference between living and surviving. I'm just not sure what it is anymore. If I don't feel like I'm living anymore then what's the point of surviving?
tEnT S
19 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
19 Feb 2018 ·

Because things don't stay as bad as they are now forever. As difficult as things are at the moment, they pass and things work out. It's worth hanging on/in there for the better times ahead. The good times do come back. Just hang in there buddy.

Aiden Z
19 Feb 2018 ·

Things have been bad for far too long and I've just gotten sick and tired of hiding how I really feel. Admitting myself to a psych ward would be a horrible idea since I'm transgender with a seizure disorder so I can't even reach out for proper help.

Lieteke G
19 Feb 2018 ·

These are 2 difficult things. I have a few questions: seizures, do you get medication for that? Is

Lieteke G
19 Feb 2018 ·

Sorry, touched enter by mistake. Is there a reason which trickers the seizure, or are they unprovoked? It must ne really tough not knowing when to expect them. Must make you very insecure.

Lieteke G
19 Feb 2018 ·

Transgender. That is very hard. I don't know in which country you are living, only a few countries will socially accept it. Do your family know, are you in transition already, is there someone to talk to about it? It must be very tough and I

Lieteke G
19 Feb 2018 ·

And I understand your post. But it might get better. Really hope you have someone to talk to. Remember we are here for you

Tasha S
19 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
19 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
19 Feb 2018 ·

I understand that it's difficult, but there are some things we can't fix on our own, and the only way to get a helping hand.... is to reach out to someone who can. It might be just the start of mending things for you.

anon u
26 Feb 2018 ·

I would like to think that you have the strength and courage to get through this by yourself, but sometimes we need a helping hand, even if it's just to get started on the right track. No-one should have to suffer or go through difficult times alone.

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0 Aiden Z
18 Feb 2018 ·
What do you do when you're desperately lonely but don't want to be expected to put on an 'everything's okay' face for your family? They don't solve the problem anyway.
anon u
18 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
18 Feb 2018 ·

I go drinking so I give the same shy their

anon u
18 Feb 2018 ·

*the same sht they give about me being lonely. They can't help it anyway.

Aiden Z
18 Feb 2018 ·

Can't drink with my anti-seizure meds unless I want to end up 6ft under in a real hurry plus no driving with seizures anyway to even get anywhere let alone a bar.

Reba H
19 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Michelle W
19 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
19 Feb 2018 ·

Given up on meds and resumed my drinking. Feel rather better. It's up to you anyways. Once you'll have realised meds no longer help you know an option :รพ

anon u
19 Feb 2018 ·

The people that take you for granted don't seem to be able to have much empathy and condolences.

Tasha S
19 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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3 Aiden Z
16 Dec 2017 ·
Seizures are no good for self-esteem. Feel trapped & sad & scared all the time. Very sore & tired after an ER visit for yet another seizure yesterday. Can't live life normally anymore cuz of these.
Reba H
16 Dec 2017 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
16 Dec 2017 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
16 Dec 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Albertine M
16 Dec 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
16 Dec 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Love 1
29 Dec 2017 ·

difficult condition to manage. Sounds like theyre severe & strike w/o warning.

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0 Aiden Z
29 Aug 2017 ·
Feel like such a worthless person. More often than not I feel broken and lonely and useless. Rapidly alternating between not caring how I feel and just floods of tears
Lydia R
29 Aug 2017 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
29 Aug 2017 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
29 Aug 2017 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
03 Sep 2017 ·

Crying is good. Crying releases emotions. I don't know you but I know you have worth. You don't have to 'prove it' or 'be good enough'. You can just be. Hang tight.

anon u
03 Sep 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Rebekah B
21 Nov 2017 ·

*Hugs*

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3 Aiden Z
20 Aug 2017 ·
I created a live.me account but am finding myself too shy to broadcast my own singing even though I know I'm good. Always had stage fright as a soloist. Any ideas panda's!
Lex M
20 Aug 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
20 Aug 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
20 Aug 2017 ·

You can do it!

anon u
20 Aug 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Aiden Z
20 Aug 2017 ·

And I have no clue what to sing. I look young so I guess I should pick something bearing that in mind. I have one of those voices that can sound like just about anyone else's. It's weird.

Herbie M
20 Aug 2017 ·

Sing what makes you happy inside. If you do that, you might somehow be able to push away your fears & get lost in the music. Sing what feels right for you. Start with something simple & then build on what you can. Baby steps. You got this! ๐Ÿ™‚

Aiden Z
20 Aug 2017 ·

This is the part where being a perfectionist absolutely sucks.

Herbie M
20 Aug 2017 ·

Ah, yeah that's a pretty difficult one to get around isn't it? Still, are you going to give it a go?

Albertine M
20 Aug 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Aiden Z
23 Aug 2017 ·

I really want to, Mandy M. It's hard to open myself up like that I guess.

Herbie M
23 Aug 2017 ·

Shame as you said you're really good, and am inclined to believe you ๐Ÿ™‚ You gots to do what you feel is right

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2 Aiden Z
14 Aug 2017 ·
There should seriously be a 'single forever & hating/loving it' relationship status option on Facebook and other places. There's just nobody out there. Being alone just sucks.
Wendy J
14 Aug 2017 ·

I agee aiden

Aiden Z
14 Aug 2017 ·

Not everyone is okay getting stuck in their single status. I may not have my *** together but does that mean I'd be a horrible boyfriend? I just don't understand the world I guess.

anon u
14 Aug 2017 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
14 Aug 2017 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
14 Aug 2017 · NEW

*Hugs*

anon u
14 Aug 2017 · NEW

*Hugs*

anon u
14 Aug 2017 · NEW

I'm sure you'll find someone amazing... sometimes it just takes time..

Aiden Z
14 Aug 2017 ·

10 years of searching feels like an eternity. Seems like the bottom line is no one wants a trans-guy. As if that's all I am as a person.

Wendy J
14 Aug 2017 ·

Keep your chin up Aiden. I am pritty sure that its not something solely isolated to the transgender community. I believe its because we have become a society which now thinks love and relationships are disposable, and so you dont have to commit anymo

Aiden Z
14 Aug 2017 ·

I open up to people and suddenly they just exit my life. I used to think it was a coincidence. I'm just not sure anymore.

Manda P
14 Aug 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
14 Aug 2017 ·

Wendy is right. I doubt it has nothing to do with being transgender. There is someone out there for everybody. My sister is 34 & still searching. She is struggling like you but I have hope for the both of you!

anon u
14 Aug 2017 · NEW

Well I myself have no problem being with a trans man as I have done so before and I am genderqueer myself.. the right person isn't going to push you away just because of that... just don't give up on yourself. .

Once logged in you can be part of the community
3 Aiden Z
09 Aug 2017 ·
Update on doctors@Rush. Dystonia gone. I probably have epilepsy and after 9 seizures I'm on meds for those. Just don't know what to make of my life anymore.
Lydia R
09 Aug 2017 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
09 Aug 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
09 Aug 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Reba H
10 Aug 2017 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
14 Aug 2017 · NEW

*Hugs*

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3 Aiden Z
09 Aug 2017 ·
Just cut one of my best friends out of my life. I don't regret it or anything. Been building up to this for awhile. Just feeling pretty raw after getting hurt. Character attacks are awful.
anon u
09 Aug 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
09 Aug 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Reba H
10 Aug 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Once logged in you can be part of the community
3 Aiden Z
12 May 2017 ·
So far I'm not sure what to think of these new doctors@Rush My record now says functional movement disorder & something called dissociative episodes, neither of which I really understand.
Manda P
13 May 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Albertine M
13 May 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
13 May 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Reba H
14 May 2017 ·

*Hugs*

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3 Aiden Z
28 Apr 2017 ·
Cold windy rainy day. Totally gloomy. Slept through my alarms this morning. Still working on my appetite. Slow going on progress.
anon u
28 Apr 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Pseudo Bear !
28 Apr 2017 ·

Hang in there, Aiden.

anon u
28 Apr 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Love 1
28 Apr 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
28 Apr 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Albertine M
28 Apr 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
28 Apr 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
28 Apr 2017 ·

Hang tight, Aiden. You'll get this worked out!

Once logged in you can be part of the community
1 Aiden Z
26 Apr 2017 ·
When I'm such a mess that even my therapist points it out, how am I supposed to feel? Can't stop thinking about it.
nixiblu .
26 Apr 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
26 Apr 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
26 Apr 2017 ·

Ah, I see you're not doing well. It's the therapist's job to know when that is & to help you fix it.

anon u
26 Apr 2017 · NEW

*Hugs*

anon u
26 Apr 2017 · NEW

*Hugs*

anon u
26 Apr 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
26 Apr 2017 ·

If anyone should be able to see when you're struggling and need help, it's your therapist. Good that the person can tell and try to help!

anon u
26 Apr 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Once logged in you can be part of the community
5 Aiden Z
20 Nov 2016 ·
I hate migraines especially when they come with hugely dilated pupils & nausea. The pain I can medicate away but I'm stuck with the rest.
anon u
20 Nov 2016 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
20 Nov 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Reba H
20 Nov 2016 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
20 Nov 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
20 Nov 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Love 1
20 Nov 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
25 Mar 2017 ·

Aiden, where ya been? I see you on FB every now & then, but miss you on here. Hope you are well!

Aiden Z
26 Apr 2017 ·

I've just had a lot going on. Really a lot.

Manda P
26 Apr 2017 ·

Hope you're ok.

Once logged in you can be part of the community
4 Aiden Z
18 Nov 2016 ·
Just got my cholesterol test back & now have high triglycerides due to taking mirtazapine. Guess it's taper down time for me. Waiting to hear from my psych about this. Not good at all. Not happy.
Melody L
18 Nov 2016 ·

I gained a lot of weight when i was on mirtazapine regularly, had big appetite and swelling all over my body.

Aiden Z
18 Nov 2016 ·

I was put on it so that I could gain weight. Worked well for that, plateaued at 135 & have stayed there. That's Healthy weight for me , no swelling but the triglycerides rise, that I gotta do something about.

Tasha S
18 Nov 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
18 Nov 2016 ·

Ugh. I hate the medicine game. Hope things get worked out for you soon!

Reba H
19 Nov 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Love 1
19 Nov 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Once logged in you can be part of the community
5 Aiden Z
07 Nov 2016 ·
So conflicted I'm not even sure what to type here. I met a girl & things were pretty great. Now I don't know. She knows I'm trans but when she got curious & looked up top surgery, she got weird.
Aiden Z
07 Nov 2016 ·

I guess she looked at pictures & came realize that if I ended up really scarred, she couldn't handle that. She's been in chronic pain so I can't tell her pushing me away is due to pain or the idea of my future scarred chest .

Aiden Z
07 Nov 2016 ·

If previous run of the mill scars I've acquired over the years is anything to go by, I'll have nothing but a tiny white line. We tend to scar the same way all over.

Tasha S
07 Nov 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Reba H
07 Nov 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
07 Nov 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
07 Nov 2016 ·

Be patient with her. Maybe it's just taking her a long time to adjust to things. Scars are no big deal in the grand scheme of things.

Meggie B
07 Nov 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Rebekah B
14 Nov 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Once logged in you can be part of the community
6 Aiden Z
03 Nov 2016 ·
Too tired to care that my home team is playing a world series game tonight. Long day & it's only 8pm but I seriously just want to close my eyes & sleep. Got a haircut from the girl I like.
anon u
03 Nov 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Aiden Z
03 Nov 2016 ·

Stayed up long enough to see the Cubs win the World Series. I'm proud of my home team but can barely keep my eyes open anymore. Need sleep badly.

Tasha S
03 Nov 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Reba H
03 Nov 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
03 Nov 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
03 Nov 2016 ·

I wouldn't have been able to stay up long enough to see them win! I'm like a toddler when it comes to sleep. =) Hope you got some rest.

Aiden Z
03 Nov 2016 ·

I did eventually. Passed out in bed & slept hard.

Once logged in you can be part of the community
6 Aiden Z
29 Oct 2016 ·
Often a feel like an adolescent trapped in an adult's life trying to be something I'm not. Being transgender and hormonally 18 will do that to you I guess. Nothing I can do about it. Still happy.
anon u
29 Oct 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Reba H
29 Oct 2016 ·

*Hugs*

John S
29 Oct 2016 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
30 Oct 2016 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
30 Oct 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
30 Oct 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Melody L
30 Oct 2016 ·

Adults world sucks :P

Once logged in you can be part of the community
7 Aiden Z
29 Oct 2016 ·
A girl in my neighborhood is actually interested in me. This is a first. Could use something good in my life right now.
Maria K
29 Oct 2016 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
29 Oct 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Claire M
29 Oct 2016 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
29 Oct 2016 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
29 Oct 2016 ·

Congrats to hear! Here's wishing you only good things going forward :)

Tasha S
29 Oct 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Reba H
29 Oct 2016 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
29 Oct 2016 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
29 Oct 2016 ·

Good luck!

Manda P
29 Oct 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
29 Oct 2016 ·

That's great! I hope it works out for you!

Aiden Z
29 Oct 2016 ·

I just hope I don't mess it up. Years of rejection and getting friend-zoned often make me come on too strong and get attached too early on.

Manda P
29 Oct 2016 ·

Learn from those lessons & take it slow. Maybe she is the one meant for you. All those bad experiences have to be balanced out with good.

Aiden Z
30 Oct 2016 ·

I just got home from meeting her for the first time at her place. Walked home in a thunderstorm and am soaked to the bone! Totally worth it!

Manda P
30 Oct 2016 ·

That makes me smile! Glad you have found some happiness!

anon u
30 Oct 2016 ·

Yay!! Glad to hear you're doing good! :D

Once logged in you can be part of the community
2 Aiden Z
27 Oct 2016 ·
Got a survey to rate my psychiatrist's performance. If I'm honest, the result could be very bad for me. What to do... How to tell enough of the truth to get my point across & not make things worse?
anon u
27 Oct 2016 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
27 Oct 2016 ·

Why being honest will be bad for you?

Aiden Z
27 Oct 2016 ·

Because of admitting ***al ideation mostly.

Aiden Z
27 Oct 2016 ·

I don't want to end up in a psychiatric ward because of something he did. I don't know the laws well in Illinois. I'm a difficult patient to place in such a situation. Many hospitals don't have protections for trans people in their psych wards.

Reba H
27 Oct 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Aiden Z
27 Oct 2016 ·

I didn't tell him I came close to swallowing all the pills I'm prescribed though. I have a lot of tough decisions ahead.

anon u
27 Oct 2016 ·

*Hugs*

anon u
27 Oct 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
28 Oct 2016 ·

I can't give advice here, Aiden. I'm not completely honest with my mental health team. It's scary because you don't know the outcome. You gotta trust that they've got your best interest in mind.

anon u
28 Oct 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Aiden Z
28 Oct 2016 ·

@Manda P, that's just it. He's cramming a misdiagnosis down my throat & I know he doesn't have my best interest in mind.

Aiden Z
28 Oct 2016 ·

Because i have sensory processing disorder, I'm not a neurotypical patient. That diagnosis should be reflected in my psychiatry record but it isn't. I even turned over a mess of medical records from my childhood diagnosis & still no acknowledgement

Tasha S
28 Oct 2016 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
28 Oct 2016 ·

I'm sorry, Aiden. I wish I had some advice for you. How old are you? Have you talked to your parents about it?

Aiden Z
28 Oct 2016 ·

You all probably think I'm around 18. I'm 36 and yeah I've been honest with my Mom at least. She hasn't been very helpful.

Manda P
29 Oct 2016 ·

I'm sorry! You look so young in your picture! I guess I shouldn't be quick to assume. I used to look much younger than my age for a long time. I'm 35 & think it's finally catching up to me. Now, my voice...I sound like a 5 year old! Also sorry...

Manda P
29 Oct 2016 ·

...that your mom hasn't been helpful? Do you have any supportive friends at least?

Aiden Z
29 Oct 2016 ·

@Manda P, it's alright. According to my looks, I've been 18 for the last 18 years. I've got some supportive friends but none nearby for hugs in the flesh really.

Aiden Z
29 Oct 2016 ·

I have a lot of teenage angst and my reactions are far more adolescent-like on account of still being in hormonal transition(I'm still in testosterone induced second puberty)

Aiden Z
29 Oct 2016 ·

@Manda P & Clint B, a lot of times I wish I could talk one on one with you. You're quickly becoming big parts of my support system.

Manda P
29 Oct 2016 ·

That must be so frustrating to be stuck at 18. I can't imagine how confusing it much be. If you are on FB, I can give you my link. I'd be more than happy to be friends with you.

Aiden Z
29 Oct 2016 ·

@Manda P, yeah I'm on FB. You just made me smile btw.

Manda P
30 Oct 2016 ·

www.facebook.com/amanda.renee.burdette ...feel free to send me a request & message anytime!

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