You can do it. I get anxiety when the Internet guys come over or when our huge TV was delivered, but it's not so bad. Actually had good chats with them. Hope your anxiety eases & you can open the door!
Hope it went okay
Each time you have an emotion, give it room, allow it to be, don't fight it. Trust me, it's opposite to what you think you should do but you will feel better.
every time I leave... I couldn't help getting ***al last year .. Because I tried to kill myself I've lost my daughter... She is my world... I'm feeling terrible guilt and anger with myself. I can't get stable because she's away from me :( :(
Aw, Mandy, I'm sorry! But she'll grow up...she'll understand. And you're still there for her, even if not as often as you want. Things change...you'll get things together and will be with her! *Big hugs*
Thank you n thanks Jeff... I am able to take your comment in with understanding as I am much stronger now and able to tell myself just that each day.... But then every so often my stomach suddenly turns and I'm unable to make sense of what happened X
Mandy your daughter will adapt very quickly thats what children do , what we do as adults and i was bad for this myself when i got divorced was to put adult emotions and feeling in what I thought my kids were thinking and feeling , i thought like me
that when I left after each visit they were devastated but im sure they just wanted to get back to the tv or their toys ... you have to forgive yourself for being ill and leaving before you can more on and heal yourself .... get yourself better your
daughter will always love you and she will get to an age where she will understand the events that led to her being away from you .... this is what happened to me and im sure many others x x x
It'll be ok, Mandy. She will grow and understand. She will see how strong you are & admire that. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you right now, but it'll get easier. xx
So embarrassed I'm acting this way ... I feel like I'm going insane inside my own mind... Talking to myself in my head and having a mini breakdown ... Trying not to scream in hysterics as next door called the police last time.. so ANGRY!!!!
This happened to me last week, cried uncontrollably almost for an entire day. We cry for a reason, you must need it. Don't hold back, let it all out Mandy
Thank you Rorschach ... I never hold back crying I've always cried a lot at times... But there's something not right .. I want to cry but it keeps stopping suddenly and then I'm laughing out loud then I cry a little more then laugh again :/ :/
It's all coming out now Rorschach ... It feels very relieving... Thank you for taking the time to talk to me, you are so kind and considerate.. I'm calming.. Tiredness also kicking in X
No worries Mandy. Hope you are ok
Big hugs Mandy... You will get through this, glad to hear you feel a bit better already. Let it all out. Sorry about your stupid neighbors!
A good cry is so great. And if you have Bipolar Disorder (I do), mixture of laughing is not unusual. Nothing is unusual with Bipolar Disorder!
BIG HUGS ( )
which will then lead me to think negatively about myself and cause me to feel really low.... So I've put an elastic band on my wrist and going to pull it and let go really hard.. Same pain but no injuries to cause me to feel guilt/shame etc!!
This might sound silly but for me when I self harm (burn my wrist with a very hot blade) i automatically pull away once the pain is too uncomfortable and I do it again and again because I'm not able to get to a point where the pain is uncomfortable
It's easy for me to say but try not too
Sorry to hear this Mandy. Cut yourself some slack though, you are really trying and it's not your fault you feel this way. Take care of yourself
With the elastic band when I pull it as far as I can and let go I can't stop the pain once I've let go and I'm not in control of it so I tend to stop self harming much sooner as it feels uncomfortable
I've realised I self harm in that way because I enjoy the pain I'm inflicting on myself... (Because my body automatically reacts by pulling away) before it doesn't feel good anymore ... Finding it hard to explain what I mean :(
I think I understand you Mandy. I used to hurt myself as a form of punishment and just desperation 'why won't they help me' sort of thing. Maybe my reasons are different but I get where you are coming from
Like Rorschach T I understand and again my reasons may be different , for me I self harmed not to punish myself but to calm my head even for a brief moment , my head was 200mph hurtful intrusive thoughts the only time they stopped was when I SH'd and
those few seconds were like heaven ... but it was short lived and i soon realised there had to be a better way .... sending you big hugs x x x
I think the rubber band is a fantastic idea. I've never self-harmed (if you don't count self destructive behaviors) & think the temporary pain of a rubber band flick is so much better than a cut or burn. It shows great strength on how you are...
...controlling the situation. Well done. Be proud of yourself!
I love Eminem! Might have to crank some up once BF & daughter have to go back to school. BF thinks I only listen to it when I'm angry. Not true!
before it turns in to a self destructive episode as it almost feels like a volcanos just starting to brew inside of me :/
Maybe you can find some less-destructive way to take out those feelings? Sometimes you have to do something big!
Yes, listen to Jeff. Redirect that energy to something else. Are you creative? Paint, draw, write, craft...make something awesome. Sometimes the best work comes from negative feelings. Thinking of you. xx
as I'm going to see my little girl today and don't want to sleep all day, especially if the weathers going to be nice outside again today aswell
Hope you have a lovely time with your little girl x
Thank you guys x