MoodPanda: 6.2
 Days: 191
 Been hugged: 1332
 Followers: 28
Courtney O · 11h 7
Writing
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Han M · 9h
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Manda P · 9h
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Richard E · 8h
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Binky B · 7h
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Courtney O · 1d 9
A week on zoloft, doing much better
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Marie S · 1d
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Shelley H · 1d
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Richard E · 1d
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Manda P · 15h
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Manda P · 15h
So glad to see so much green!
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Courtney O · 11h
Yeah I should have gotten back on zoloft a long time ago :D
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Manda P · 9h
I'm so glad you finally did. What a turn around you've done!!
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Binky B · 7h
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Courtney O · 2d 9
Zoloft kicking in
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Sasha M · 2d
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Manda P · 2d
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Manda P · 2d
Woo-hoo!
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Binky B · 2d
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Richard E · 1d
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Courtney O · 2d 8
Damn ok I'm drunk and I'm high but my connection with this girl, excuse me, 24-yr-old woman, is real. Swear. Could it be real? I hope.
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Max L · 2d
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Dante P · 2d
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Sasha M · 2d
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Manda P · 2d
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Manda P · 2d
I wish I was drunk & high!
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Binky B · 2d
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Courtney O · 1d
Lol yeah we didn't expect it but she offered me and my husband to smoke :p
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Richard E · 1d
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Manda P · 15h
I don't like to smoke with anyone other than BF because I get too paranoid. At that last party I went to though, I had so many margaritas & Klonopin that I went out with 'the guys' & smoked right before we left. I must've been wasted! No way to get..
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Manda P · 15h
...it where I live. =( Best medicine around too.
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Courtney O · 6d 9
Oh my god my neighbor is so cool. She's a mom too but she likes horror stories and I'm writing one. And we got in a spiritual discussion which left more questions. lol Feeling good.
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Courtney O · 6d
Maybe a lasting friend this time?
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Binky B · 6d
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Karen V · 6d
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A V · 6d
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Jeff M · 6d
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Manda P · 6d
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Manda P · 6d
*fingers crossed* for you, Courtney. You need a good friend now more than ever with everything going on!
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Richard E · 5d
*Hugs*
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Courtney O · 5d
Thanks ^.^
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Courtney O · 6d 8
Feeling much better after Malachi spent the weekend with his Nan. Being the best parent I can be.
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Love 1 · 6d
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Cheyenne M · 6d
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Richard E · 6d
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Manda P · 6d
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Manda P · 6d
You are the best, Courtney!
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Cindy M · 6d
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Courtney O · 6d
Oh Manda <3 I wish we could meet in person. We'd be besties lol
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A V · 6d
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Manda P · 6d
I wish we could too, Courtney! I could use a real life best friend! <3
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Courtney O · 14 Jan 2017 3
God started such a good morning. Took a shower with M which he loved. His 1st shower. But since 11am he's been nonstop fussing and crying!!!! WHY???????????????????????????????????????????????????????
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Karen V · 14 Jan 2017
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Binky B · 14 Jan 2017
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Manda P · 14 Jan 2017
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Richard E · 15 Jan 2017
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Courtney O · 11 Jan 2017 6
So the ER made me a bunk appt w a psychiatrist. Thankfully M's Aunt took him today and my husband was on the phone for an hour tracking down my records and old psych. He got me an apt for the 23rd.
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Binky B · 11 Jan 2017
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Richard E · 11 Jan 2017
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Reba C · 12 Jan 2017
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Manda P · 12 Jan 2017
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Manda P · 12 Jan 2017
Hang on, Courtney. It'll get better soon. <3
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Courtney O · 13 Jan 2017
Thanks. Out of nowhere, my Mom said she had zoloft she doesn't need anymore. I went over and took the first dose today. 50mg but if it doesn't work by next week. I'll double the dose because technically they are 100mgs so I'm cutting them in half.
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Courtney O · 13 Jan 2017
The it's way more likely the psychiatrist will prescribe me zoloft since I'll already have been on it. :)
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Courtney O · 13 Jan 2017
*Then
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Manda P · 13 Jan 2017
That's great! Hope it starts kicking in soon!
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Courtney O · 08 Jan 2017 7
Nostalgia
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Sandra C · 08 Jan 2017
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Richard E · 08 Jan 2017
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Manda P · 08 Jan 2017
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Courtney O · 08 Jan 2017 6
Went to the ER today. They wouldn't prescribe me Zoloft but they got me an early appt with HRC for this Wednesday.
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Richard E · 08 Jan 2017
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 08 Jan 2017
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Manda P · 08 Jan 2017
Glad you got an appointment. Wednesday will be here before you know it. Thinking of you until then. xx
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Courtney O · 10 Jan 2017
Manda <3
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Courtney O · 07 Jan 2017 2
Why do I bother making plans with y husband when he can just make a snap decision to change ***???? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
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Richard E · 07 Jan 2017
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Karen V · 08 Jan 2017
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Binky B · 08 Jan 2017
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Han M · 08 Jan 2017
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Manda P · 08 Jan 2017
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Courtney O · 07 Jan 2017 6
https://www.romper.com/p/10-reasons-you-shouldnt-worry-about-making-mistakes-as-a-mother-11385
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Jake G CHIEFPANDA · 07 Jan 2017
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Binky B · 07 Jan 2017
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Manda P · 07 Jan 2017
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Richard E · 07 Jan 2017
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Cindy M · 08 Jan 2017
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Courtney O · 07 Jan 2017 5
Meh
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Binky B · 07 Jan 2017
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Manda P · 07 Jan 2017
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Richard E · 07 Jan 2017
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Courtney O · 06 Jan 2017 0
No Reason Given
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Melody L · 06 Jan 2017
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Melody L · 06 Jan 2017
Sending uplifting hugs!
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Courtney O · 07 Jan 2017
Thanks Melody
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Binky B · 07 Jan 2017
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Manda P · 07 Jan 2017
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Richard E · 07 Jan 2017
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Courtney O · 06 Jan 2017 4
Why do i always feel rejected by my husband? Even when he has a loving look on his face and says he loves me, still, I put my hand on his knee and he casually brushes it off. Rejection. He doesn't see
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anonymouse . · 06 Jan 2017
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Karen V · 06 Jan 2017
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Samantha S · 06 Jan 2017
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J P · 06 Jan 2017
talk with him
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Jeff M · 06 Jan 2017
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Courtney O · 06 Jan 2017
I have
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Melody L · 06 Jan 2017
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Binky B · 07 Jan 2017
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Manda P · 07 Jan 2017
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Courtney O · 06 Jan 2017 5
So after sis-in-law called cops and they did nothing bc our family is fine, she went ahead and called CPS. o.O We just got done with a visit and they said, um, nothing wrong here, so they are passing
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Courtney O · 06 Jan 2017
us down to Birth & Beyond for resources. And my husband is considering getting a restraining order against his sister.
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Karen V · 06 Jan 2017
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anonymouse . · 06 Jan 2017
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Binky B · 07 Jan 2017
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Manda P · 07 Jan 2017
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Manda P · 07 Jan 2017
It never ends!
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Courtney O · 08 Jan 2017
We're even talking about moving to a new apartment so she won't know where we live. O.o
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Manda P · 08 Jan 2017
Oh, wow! That is serious stuff! Keep us updated!
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Courtney O · 10 Jan 2017
I will. Cary says we might be able to move after he gets his tax return.
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Courtney O · 05 Jan 2017 6
Ok, so my baby has gas. I found an article on how to prevent it and how to treat it, so I am infused with new hope. This momma just got a burst of confidence. *I hope it works*
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Karen V · 05 Jan 2017
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Pontus W · 05 Jan 2017
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anonymouse . · 05 Jan 2017
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Melody L · 05 Jan 2017
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Reba C · 05 Jan 2017
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Binky B · 05 Jan 2017
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Manda P · 05 Jan 2017
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Richard E · 05 Jan 2017
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Richard E · 05 Jan 2017
Fingers crossed
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Courtney O · 06 Jan 2017
Thanks Richard. Me too. It seems to work a little bit but not all the way.
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Courtney O · 04 Jan 2017 2
I don't want to mom today. I feel so aggressive and like I hate my baby. Like I ruined my life even tho before this I was ***al. I'm not ***al now but I just want life back without a baby.
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Jeff M · 04 Jan 2017
*Hugs*
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Jeff M · 04 Jan 2017
Sounds like you need a break! I hope you get one...
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anonymouse . · 04 Jan 2017
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Marie S · 04 Jan 2017
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Melody L · 04 Jan 2017
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Manda P · 04 Jan 2017
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Manda P · 04 Jan 2017
I know it's hard. Hang in there. Will hubby give you a break? Even just to go for a walk or something?
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Erika A · 04 Jan 2017
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Richard E · 04 Jan 2017
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Courtney O · 05 Jan 2017
Yes, Jeff and Manda... His mom just said she'll take him fora day a week. That's enough time to regroup. I've been dealing with a lot of baby gas and just feeling helpless and like an utter failure as a mom. It shouldn't be this hard. In fact, gas
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Courtney O · 05 Jan 2017
shouldn't seem to hurt so much. It's ridiculous. But I found an article on how to prevent/treat it, so hopefully those techniques help.
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Courtney O · 05 Jan 2017
I have no idea how humans did this prior to the internet.
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Binky B · 05 Jan 2017
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 05 Jan 2017
I'm so glad you have someone that will take him for a day! That will work wonders for you! You're not a failure as a mom. ALL moms feel this way. If they say they don't, they are lying. It is hard. The hardest thing you'll ever do. But, it gets...
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Manda P · 05 Jan 2017
....easier as time goes on. And by that time you'll be wishing they were little again! I have no idea how humans did anything before the internet!
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Courtney O · 06 Jan 2017
Thank you so much, Manda. That's what I've come to realize. it is not a symptom of some deep inner evil. Society wants to paint this ideallic image of parenthood but it is not healthy to not be able to share our real feelings and get adequate help.
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Courtney O · 06 Jan 2017
We just officialized Saturday to Sunday overnight stays for Malachi with his Nan who is my husbands Mom.
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Manda P · 06 Jan 2017
Yay! A whole overnight stay! That will be so great for you guys. What a relief to you. Be sure to use that time for YOU & your husband. Sure, you may need it to get caught up with things around the house, but you need to relax & enjoy not having...
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Manda P · 06 Jan 2017
...the pressure of someone needing you 24/7.
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Courtney O · 04 Jan 2017 6
Had a better night. Much-needed release with husband. Thank you
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Nicky W · 04 Jan 2017
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Manda P · 04 Jan 2017
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Richard E · 04 Jan 2017
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Binky B · 05 Jan 2017
*Hugs*
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Richard E · 05 Jan 2017
Good to see some green
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Courtney O · 06 Jan 2017
Thanks Richard
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Courtney O · 04 Jan 2017 4
Im so sad
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Manda P · 04 Jan 2017
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 04 Jan 2017
=( <3 <3 Hope your later post helped you feel a lot better.
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Melody L · 04 Jan 2017
*Hugs*
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Richard E · 04 Jan 2017
*Hugs*
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Courtney O · 05 Jan 2017
Hey Manda :) Yes, it did. Just not as much as it used to. Got me feeling stable though and like a woman again for a moment instead of a constantly giving vessel.
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Courtney O · 05 Jan 2017
How are you??
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Binky B · 05 Jan 2017
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 05 Jan 2017
I'm ok. Worried about you though. I know how hard it is. When daughter was born, it was just me & BF in FL with no friends or family. He worked & I was at home with baby all day. I was breastfeeding so he couldn't even help with that. On top of all..
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Manda P · 05 Jan 2017
...that, I had my disorders running rampant & it's a wonder how I survived! But I did & I know you will too. You are strong. Malachi will admire your strength one day for pushing through this.
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Courtney O · 06 Jan 2017
Thank you so much :) I feel very alone and isolated too. Cary's family has stepped up but no one in my family is trustworthy or else they live too far away to be in my life. I'm home with Malachi 24/7 too. Even the social worker said that 1-2 times
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Courtney O · 06 Jan 2017
a month, we should be getting out of the house. I've been telling my husband that for years... I've felt like a prisoner, even before the baby. He agreed though when the SW said it, so here's hoping.... *crossed fingers*
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Manda P · 06 Jan 2017
Yes, I know the prisoner feeling. Sometimes I only leave the house 2-3 times a month. I did that in all the places I've lived in. I don't know if it was my partners or me. I'm glad your social worker said that & your husband was there to hear. I...
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Manda P · 06 Jan 2017
...hope he takes it seriously. You can't look after the baby well if you don't look after yourselves!
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Courtney O · 07 Jan 2017
I hope so too, Manda...!
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Courtney O · 03 Jan 2017 2
My *** ass sister in law just called the cops on us because I posted an article to facebook talking about having frustration with crying babies. FML Blocked the *** and never going to allow her to
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Courtney O · 03 Jan 2017
see my son again
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Jeff M · 03 Jan 2017
*Hugs*
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Jeff M · 03 Jan 2017
Wow...that's horrible. How about calling YOU first to see if she can help if she was that worried. What a terrible thing to do. :( All parents have frustration!
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anonymouse . · 03 Jan 2017
*Hugs*
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anonymouse . · 03 Jan 2017
how rude! it's not her business to get involved. if she truly cared she would call first to make sure things are ok. I'm sry this happened
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Victoria V · 03 Jan 2017
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Erika A · 03 Jan 2017
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Richard E · 03 Jan 2017
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Binky B · 04 Jan 2017
Wow, that is seriously unjustified! I'm sure the cops realise what an overreaction that is, they're not stupid. Talk about wasting police time!!
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Binky B · 04 Jan 2017
*Hugs*
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Courtney O · 04 Jan 2017
Right Jeff? She did it maliciously.
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Courtney O · 04 Jan 2017
Yes Binky. They thought so too.
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Manda P · 04 Jan 2017
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 04 Jan 2017
Whoa! What the hell is wrong with her? She just needs to stay out of your business. I'm glad you blocked her. Is your husband ok with it?
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Courtney O · 04 Jan 2017
No, he is very upset. He said we won't be seeing her for several years.
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Manda P · 04 Jan 2017
Good, I'm glad he's on your side. What a nightmare if he wasn't!
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Courtney O · 05 Jan 2017
Yes. Honestly I saw right through her within the first year I was dating my husband. He refused to see it and it was an issue that divided us for many years. Since I became pregnant though, he began to see it too. Now she has crossed the line and it
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Courtney O · 05 Jan 2017
is impossible to not see it. He is hurt by it and feels uncared for by her, but he is making the right decision for our family. It is delicate because it is his sister, but he is angry about it too.
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Manda P · 05 Jan 2017
Yeah, I can see how he'd be hurt. That is too bad. That's not what brothers & sisters are for. My sister has hurt me numerous times, but we always come back to each other. It doesn't sound like this is something they can make amends with though. I...
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Manda P · 05 Jan 2017
...still can't believe she did that!
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Courtney O · 06 Jan 2017
Yeah, that was shocking. Imagine how shocked we were today to be visited by a social worker from CPS!!! When the cops did nothing because there's nothing wrong, she flippin called CPS. They said it's not even an open case because... dun dun dun....
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Courtney O · 06 Jan 2017
nothings wrong. So she passed us on to a resource center. <.< I am getting on zoloft again of my own accord, but she said she might be able to expedite an appt for me. That's the only good to have come of it, but it was not needed. My husband is
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Courtney O · 06 Jan 2017
now talking about getting a restraining order on his sister if she pulls anything again.
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Manda P · 06 Jan 2017
Jeez! She just doesn't know when to quit, huh? I'm glad you will be getting on Zoloft. That should also help things out tremendously. I'm sure his sister will come up with something new to harass you guys with. Sounds like she needs a life!
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Courtney O · 07 Jan 2017
Yes, Manda. I'm going to the ER tomorrow hoping to get Zoloft instead of waiting months for an appt.
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Manda P · 07 Jan 2017
Crossing fingers for you!
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Courtney O · 08 Jan 2017
Thanks :)
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Courtney O · 02 Jan 2017 7
Better day today
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Manda P · 02 Jan 2017
*Hugs*
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Richard E · 02 Jan 2017
*Hugs*
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Binky B · 02 Jan 2017
*Hugs*
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Courtney O · 01 Jan 2017 9
I feel like a new person. C and I told each other our Resolutions, which we talked about earlier this week, and it seems like he is still on board with me. To a new year.
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Alma B · 01 Jan 2017
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Jeff M · 01 Jan 2017
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Richard E · 01 Jan 2017
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anonymouse . · 01 Jan 2017
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Destiny L · 02 Jan 2017
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Luna G · 02 Jan 2017
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Binky B · 02 Jan 2017
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Manda P · 02 Jan 2017
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Courtney O · 01 Jan 2017 8
Had a great New years. C picked up champagne and we bumped into our neighbors who invited us to chill with them. They had a bunch of kid girls who liked my son M and wanted to hold him, so I hung out
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Courtney O · 01 Jan 2017
with the little girls while one of the oldest ones at 10 played with M and the rest taught me about math, lol!
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Reba C · 01 Jan 2017
*Hugs*
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Marie S · 01 Jan 2017
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Jeff M · 01 Jan 2017
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 01 Jan 2017
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 01 Jan 2017
Glad you had a good time, Courtney. xx
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Melody L · 01 Jan 2017
:)
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Courtney O · 01 Jan 2017
Thanks Manda :) It was unexpected.
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Richard E · 01 Jan 2017
*Hugs*
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Courtney O · 31 Dec 2016 4
I just feel pissed. Need to blow off some steam.
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Binky B · 31 Dec 2016
*Hugs*
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Sandra C · 31 Dec 2016
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Richard E · 31 Dec 2016
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Manda P · 01 Jan 2017
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Courtney O · 30 Dec 2016 5
http://jezebel.com/we-need-to-talk-about-women-who-regret-motherhood-1635470629
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Binky B · 30 Dec 2016
*Hugs*
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Han M · 30 Dec 2016
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Richard E · 30 Dec 2016
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Courtney O · 30 Dec 2016 6
Good article... http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mike-julianelle/its-okay-to-hate-your-bab_b_6310974.html
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Binky B · 30 Dec 2016
*Hugs*
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Han M · 30 Dec 2016
*Hugs*
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Richard E · 30 Dec 2016
*Hugs*
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Courtney O · 29 Dec 2016 4
I regret becoming a parent. I was not cut out for this. I fear I am making mistakes too often and he is only a month old. I fear I get too frustrated. This road will be too long. :(
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Jeff M · 29 Dec 2016
*Hugs*
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Jeff M · 29 Dec 2016
I don't know this from experience, but I suspect all parents think the same thing. You'll be ok!
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Danielle S NEW · 29 Dec 2016
*Hugs*
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Danielle S NEW · 29 Dec 2016
Agreed with Jeff M. You're still a new parent. I hope things will get easier as you go. Don't give up hope yet!
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Richard E · 29 Dec 2016
*Hugs*
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Richard E · 29 Dec 2016
You will be amazing.....it does not. Come with a manual.....sure others feel the same
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Erika A · 29 Dec 2016
*Hugs*
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Leia L · 29 Dec 2016
I was wracked with fear during the 1st year of my sons life, but trust me the best parents worry they can't do it and it does get easier
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Leia L · 29 Dec 2016
*Hugs*
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Silke V · 29 Dec 2016
*Hugs*
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Reba C · 30 Dec 2016
*Hugs*
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Courtney O · 30 Dec 2016
Thank you Leia, Richard, Danielle and Jeff... I sure do hope so.
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Manda P · 30 Dec 2016
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 30 Dec 2016
It's ok, Courtney. That's totally normal. I feel like I was the worth mother on Earth from, like, birth to five years, but now I'm pretty proud of myself. Mistakes will happen, but you'll make it through & by the time they are old enough to...
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Manda P · 30 Dec 2016
...remember things, you'll be a pro! Sending you strength. xx
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Binky B · 30 Dec 2016
*Hugs*
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Courtney O · 30 Dec 2016
Lol, I might be like that too, Manda. Thank the creator for a baby's fish-in-a-bowl memory.
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Courtney O · 30 Dec 2016
After a 12 hour break, which my husband was good enough to humor Malachi for, I feel refreshed. We also talked about some changes we can make to retain sanity and individuality. I want to join a writers support group and get together with them for an
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Courtney O · 30 Dec 2016
hour or two, once a week. And Cary wants to spend his hour or two a week going to game shops or taking those long walks he likes to take. I also want to get together with friends and family more often to have adult conversation. His mom said she'd
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Courtney O · 30 Dec 2016
watch Malachi for a day so we can get out. She regularly baby-sits her first grandson Hunter, once a week, so I wonder if she'd do the same for us.
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Manda P · 30 Dec 2016
That would be great, Courtney. All of those. Gotta take some kind of time for yourself. It's easy to get all wrapped up in that ONE job. Motherhood!
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Courtney O · 22 Dec 2016 8
I made friends with a couple, Mohep and Diba, who live in our apartment. They have 3 kids. 1 is 5 months. That's the second couple with a baby under one year of age who I've met and really enjoy.
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Astrid E · 22 Dec 2016
*Hugs*
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Astrid E · 22 Dec 2016
Great! :)
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anonymouse . · 22 Dec 2016
*Hugs*
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Whimsical O NEW · 22 Dec 2016
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Reba C · 22 Dec 2016
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Richard E · 22 Dec 2016
*Hugs*
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Binky B · 23 Dec 2016
*Hugs*
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Melody L · 23 Dec 2016
Great to make friends with people who go through the same period in life :)
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Manda P · 23 Dec 2016
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 23 Dec 2016
That's awesome, Courtney! I'm so happy for you.
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Courtney O · 29 Dec 2016
Thanks :) Yes, it is.
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Courtney O · 22 Dec 2016 8
I made friends with a couple, Mohep and Diba, who live in our apartment. They have 3 kids. 1 is 5 months. That's the second couple with a baby under one year of age who I've met and really enjoy.
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anonymouse . · 22 Dec 2016
*Hugs*
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Whimsical O NEW · 22 Dec 2016
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 23 Dec 2016
*Hugs*
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