And the cat I left behind. And the other people I knew, and the hairdresser, she was so nice and cute, and if my ex mother in law looks and feels older now and might need my help. I've changed so many homes over the years, left behind so many people.
From what I've read and watched it's typical for a lot of bipolar people. We can't stay in one place. I hope I can do better now. It's too much loss really, and it feels like a life half- lived.
You'll get there, Alicia. I moved 20 times in 17 years! Been hear six years now & should only move one or two more times in my life if everything goes as planned. I feel so much more stable now besides this stupid TEN month long episode. Wtf?
there is a counter balance. It's resilient. It's quite strong for who I am. It learns quick. My hair's nice, or at least there's a lot of it.
This is wonderful! You are so much more than even that & your hair is GORGOUES!!!
The body is wonderful. It's a vehicle. Helps us get around. Identification w/ it can cause suffering. It's subject to the laws of this plane. It grows old & infirm. Even if we care for it & give it exercise, it's subject to accidents & disease.
which is to say, we can cherish it and care for it, but it is not the Self. It is a shell we will eventually discard.
Hard not to identify with it, but we will be divested of this notion one way or another.
Thank you, Manda 💜💜💜💜
Love, you are so right, but aren't we seen by others first and foremost as our bodies? And this culture we live in makes it so hard for women to see our bodies are not ornaments, but just like you said, vehicles. I'm doing my best though.
I'm a little scared and am pouting because I'd just started a new life it seemed.
There are always more meds, Alicia. I know it really f*cking sucks, but you'll find one that works for you again. And then might have to do it again & again, etc. So it goes. 😕
Sounds like a great day minus the health stuff. Hope the body finds its equilibrium so that you can continue pursuing your interests.
Thank you, pandas
now. I don't need to be, I've got all the love and attention I need anyway, because I don't know why, I just do. Boy, body dysmorphia is hard.
I need to talk to Super*** again ( stupid name, but my bf who killed himself made it up, so I'm keeping it). This is exhausting, and so damn boring.
Made it a 5 by mistake, I'm feeling pretty OK, actually.
hell out of it, and I just love everything it does
I love it ( imperfect asv it is) in a manic sort of way, which might be a sign of hypomania, or just compensation for all the years I've hated it. How do you feel about your bodies? Tell me.
I feel terrible about mine. I'm a bag of ***. My hair is ever so slowly falling out. I have still got plenty of weight to lose. Parts of me are simply the wrong shape or size. I try not to think about it and just smile like a daft idiot! 😁
I usually feel pretty good. I want to lose a little weight and gain some muscle sometimes but I'm mostly happy. The main issue I have is that I wish I was taller. I feel good about some things but if I think of myself as being attractive too much I
Feel guilty for some reason
Hated mine ever since hitting puberty. Feet, hands, head and breasts too big, shoulders too wide, not delicate enough, too much body hair for my liking, not losing enough weight, etc etc. Though I'm Happy you can enjoy yours now! 😊
John and Lydia, I can totally relate, I've always felt the same way. When I look at other people I'm much kinder :) now trying to see the bod as a vehicle. And looking good as not the main point, which is hard in our culture.
Janine, yay! I'm so glad to know some people are OK with what they look like. This is great. I wonder why the guilt though?
Not okay with mine, though sometimes for short periods I've had some success thinking as you do, Alicia. I really hate summer and feel worse then, because there are so many women who do look fantastic (even though I try to remember probably many of
suffer from the same feelings, at least occasionally). I'm torn between feeling happy for them and appreciating their beauty and confidence, and really hating them and feeling like I ought to stay indoors forever...
Same Cindy! Strange how our minds work sometimes.
Well, you guys know how I feel about my body. ED issues really f*ck all that up. I wore the skin tight dress last night though & felt really good in it after my Sis's reaction. She would've told me if she thought I didn't look good in it. Even if...
...I feel content in my body, I always hate my face, body hair, boobs, & butt. That doesn't make sense! 😂
Cindy, Manda, thank you so much for sharing. It means a lot, and I do feel ya, people! We should be nicer to ourselves, right? But how? Ugh.
I've been told since I was a child that I'm ugly and fat, so even though I'm relatively fit now, I still believe it. And it's been borne out...not a good looking person, I guess, though never really sure why. Stupid bodies...
On one hand I sympathise and understand how wrong the brain can be. But an ultra marathon runner... 'Relatively fit'. Come on, you're super fit! I hope your brain understands this soon!
People's actions and the love they hold shine through more than a really good face or any body part. If you really respect someone it's the person not the body that is important. My cat doesn't care what I look like but he likes cuddles and being fed
John is EXACTLY right which means each of you Pandas are beautiful!
Yes, it's a very silly thing to be worrying too much about. Trying to work on that.
Oh, man. I don't know how you keep Bipolar feelings in, Alicia. I have to let it all out. I hope you can reach the same point. It must be so hard to not be able to do that. I am glad you have this teeny tiny corner of the world to release your...
...thoughts. I wish I could be your Bipolar Buddy in real life! 💖
You don't have to thank me, Alicia! You make me realize stuff all the time. I think you'll find the one to finally get a little back. Hopefully sooner rather than later. 💞
for a truly group ride. If his mood permits it! That's what they say about Borderlines: when they're feeling OK they are fantastic people to have around. So much fun, so efficient, and smart, and caring.
I've noticed something. He irritates me so much when he's attention- seeking and meltdowny. But why? Perhaps because no-one 's ever asked how I felt being Bipolar, and I've never dared to impose. When I got diagnosed, all people wanted to know was
whether it was treatable, and whether I should actually take meds. I'm just good at pretending to be normal. And I always feel like showing my feelings is not worth it. Such a bother to everyone. No wonder I hate the person having all of their
feelings out all the time. I'm jealous in a way. Gotta work on that.
Thank you, John. I am in a manic phase I guess, but with meds is not extreme. The nine was for having done useful things and bonded with a human that day, too. It feels nice.
Mandaaa, thank you, I love you so much 💜 I've been trained as a child to keep my *** to myself, just by having an overly emotional mum. I always felt I needed to protect her. First time I remember hiding intense pain was when I was seven. It's
really hard for me to open up, I keep wishing someone would push for me to do it. That's probably how I got into an abusive relationship. I'm a calming presence to many people, it comes naturally because I love to listen and support and feel their
feels with them. I guess it's a habit, but it's kind of a nice one, so it stays. You've made me realize things big time today, thank you 💜💜💜
I like to speak frankly, because you do to me. A 9 is a very high score, but the irritation you describe doesn't sound like a 9. Hypomania? Keep an eye on things. Enjoy but don't be reckless should a situation occur. Chat if you need to. Take care!
I don't know what you mean, self serve could mean anything, it's a bit vague. A 'pick your own' farm is a place where you can pick fruit or veg straight from the field and pay for what you pick. These aren't common even in the countryside, though.
A self service checkout in a supermarket is one where you scan stuff yourself rather than have someone scan it for you.
Yeah, I was thinking you meant like a pick-your-own farm. Or a CSA (where you subscribe and get veggies every week or something). Not sure...I get all my veggies at a store or at the public market (farmers bring stuff in).
Yes, thank you, John :) it is a pick your own stuff kind of place. I take it they are quite common in Germany. It's nice, brings back childhood memories for me, and I get to enjoy the look and smell and feel of fruit and vegetables when on the right
IFS in action. Love it.
Don't you mean numero zwei? Congrats!
Congrats, Alicia! That's awesome!
Anyone would probably agree with me if they were given the details. I'm trying to let it go but it reminds me of my life with the ex husband. Feels like a mouse power struggle in a way. It's hard to explain. I know it's not the same at all, just ppl
making me apologize when I've done nothing wrong and they've overrracted clearly, or forcing me to give up my principles ( good luck with that) triggers me big time.
Not * mouse power struggle*, just plain power struggle, I don't know what the f the auto-correct was going for there.
I know it's not funny, but I actually like the mouse power struggle and wondered if that's a term I didn't know yet. :D I hope you can let go of these feelings, though I know how hard it is. Did you guys talk about it calmly and rational?
In a months time it'll be mostly irrelevant. That's what I tell myself when I have to conceed to others. It's a skill and like any other skill it gets better with practice. Principles are important but sometimes letting things be is healthier.
I really relate to your post after what happened with my brother a month or two ago. That's blown over, it's all water under the bridge, and we all calm down after a while. (Although sometimes it takes ages!)
Thank you, pandas, and thank you, my dear John, I needed to hear that :)
The struggles of mice and men, eh? How nice to have someone want your painting enough to ask about it, even if she knew she couldn't buy it. Quite a compliment!
I guess it is, Jeff :) felt nice anyway
a bother after a sleepless tearful night but also felt nice.
exaggeration there. I've been calm and friendly throughout. Kinda proud of that. Ah well. It took me a while to learn to admit when my mood swings make me irrational. Not everyone can do that. A few years ago I would have been mortified to be the
one at fault in the eyes of my loved one. Now I'm just a bit angry. One can't help but feel stupid when one has to defend oneself against false accusations. I try to be supportive of myself if no-one will. I'm OK. I'm not bad and I'm not boring.
That's what my inner therapist says, anyway. It's pretty hard for the depressed me not to think I suck in every way. But it's nice to hear I don't.
I'm glad you're supporting yourself. Of course you're not bad or boring or anything like that. Sorry I. doesn't understand when you're experiencing this...it's hard for people to understand what others are going through...
The dancing sounds wonderful. I need to more of that.
And my hair! At the hairdressers right now. I don't like it. Takes forever, costs way too much, I'm hot and self- conscious. I do like hm having pretty hair though.
You are hot. hehe. :)
Whoa, Alicia! I came here to pretty much say the exact same thing only I did the hair thing last week!!! Yay us!! 💖
Yay hot us 😁😁
got feelings. Grrrrr
Think I need to take your lead and channel my anger into art. Grrr. I'm pissed, too.
Awesome that you use art therapy. I find that's the best way to understand fully how I feel when I can't put it to words.
Max is right, art therapy does help understanding as much as sublimating. We should all do it.
Are you talking about your partner? I'm sorry he's exhibiting this kind of behavior... I hope things will improve later for the both of you
His apology might be sincere. It's hard to change habitual behavior. Not excusing whatever he's done, but assuming basic goodness.
He's my roommate and friend.