6.4 avg
  359 days
  2319 hugs
  81 followers
7 Alicia B
1d ·
Got a new long story summer dress that looks great and a pair of sporty sandals for walks in the woods and such. Feeling good. Tired, though.
Alicia B
1d ·

Lol * long story dress * sounds fun

Janine S
1d ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
1d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
21h ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
21h ·

It does :)

Tasha S
19h ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
16h ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
16h ·

It does sound fun! I wish I could see it. I bet you look beautiful. I want a summer dress!

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6 Alicia B
2d ·
I look for a skirt hanger in my closet. I'm sure there must be one. Then I realize, it is probably in my previous home. I feel a pang of pain. I wonder how the man is I'd left behind is doing.
Alicia B
2d ·

And the cat I left behind. And the other people I knew, and the hairdresser, she was so nice and cute, and if my ex mother in law looks and feels older now and might need my help. I've changed so many homes over the years, left behind so many people.

Alicia B
2d ·

From what I've read and watched it's typical for a lot of bipolar people. We can't stay in one place. I hope I can do better now. It's too much loss really, and it feels like a life half- lived.

Jen B
2d ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
2d ·

https://m.youtube.com/watch?ref=https%3A%2F%2Fsomethinghuman.muse.mu%2F&v=azAEHCQgcUI

Manda P
2d ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
2d ·

You'll get there, Alicia. I moved 20 times in 17 years! Been hear six years now & should only move one or two more times in my life if everything goes as planned. I feel so much more stable now besides this stupid TEN month long episode. Wtf?

Cindy M
2d ·

*Hugs*

John T
1d ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
1d ·

Thanks, Manda, you give me hope :)

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7 Alicia B
3d ·
Feeling more motivated to do stuff, including that which I don't like, cooking for example :) working on the body dysmorphia. Looking for reasons to appreciate my body, so every time I criticize it
Alicia B
3d ·

there is a counter balance. It's resilient. It's quite strong for who I am. It learns quick. My hair's nice, or at least there's a lot of it.

Manda P
3d ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
3d ·

This is wonderful! You are so much more than even that & your hair is GORGOUES!!!

Valeria P
3d ·

*Hugs*

Kym S
2d ·

*Hugs*

Kym S
2d ·

*Hugs*

Love 1
2d ·

The body is wonderful. It's a vehicle. Helps us get around. Identification w/ it can cause suffering. It's subject to the laws of this plane. It grows old & infirm. Even if we care for it & give it exercise, it's subject to accidents & disease.

Love 1
2d ·

which is to say, we can cherish it and care for it, but it is not the Self. It is a shell we will eventually discard.

Love 1
2d ·

Hard not to identify with it, but we will be divested of this notion one way or another.

Alicia B
2d ·

Thank you, Manda 💜💜💜💜

Alicia B
2d ·

Love, you are so right, but aren't we seen by others first and foremost as our bodies? And this culture we live in makes it so hard for women to see our bodies are not ornaments, but just like you said, vehicles. I'm doing my best though.

Cindy M
2d ·

*Hugs*

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6 Alicia B
5d ·
Quiet day, sticking to my new exercise plan, a bit of cleaning, maybe a bike ride later. Or a movie. Trying not to think about my bp.
Jeff M
5d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
4d ·

*Hugs*

V R
4d ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
4d ·

*Hugs*

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5 Alicia B
5d ·
Today was lovely, really, I cooked, I was in a great mood, I made progress in African dance class, but now my blood pressure is through the roof. Might be Quetiapine. What if I have to give it up?
Alicia B
5d ·

I'm a little scared and am pouting because I'd just started a new life it seemed.

Manda P
5d ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
5d ·

There are always more meds, Alicia. I know it really f*cking sucks, but you'll find one that works for you again. And then might have to do it again & again, etc. So it goes. 😕

Jeff M
5d ·

*Hugs*

Love 1
5d ·

Sounds like a great day minus the health stuff. Hope the body finds its equilibrium so that you can continue pursuing your interests.

Tasha S
5d ·

*Hugs*

John T
5d ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
5d ·

Thank you, pandas

Cindy M
4d ·

*Hugs*

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7 Alicia B
6d ·
Yesterday was nice. Some real human convo with I., trying to fix stuff around the house, helping A. a little bit with research on his liver problem. That boy's gotta start eating healthy.
Jeff M
6d ·

*Hugs*

Robert H
6d ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
6d ·

*Hugs*

John T
5d ·

*Hugs*

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5 Alicia B
7d ·
Football, more bike fixing and a ride today. Exercise really helps. Feeling good about myself turned out to be a trap, though. It's made me look in the mirror more and hope to see hot. I'm not right
Alicia B
7d ·

now. I don't need to be, I've got all the love and attention I need anyway, because I don't know why, I just do. Boy, body dysmorphia is hard.

Alicia B
7d ·

I need to talk to Super*** again ( stupid name, but my bf who killed himself made it up, so I'm keeping it). This is exhausting, and so damn boring.

Alicia B
7d ·

Made it a 5 by mistake, I'm feeling pretty OK, actually.

Manda P
7d ·

*Hugs*

Margot L
7d ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
7d ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
7d ·

*Hugs*

John T
7d ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
7d ·

*Hugs*

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9 Alicia B
15 Jul 2018 ·
Ever since I'd asked my protector Super*** to be quiet about the way I look ( working on body dysmorphia here), I've been feeling so good about being in my body, it's almost weird. I appreciate the
Raf F
15 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
15 Jul 2018 ·

hell out of it, and I just love everything it does

Alicia B
15 Jul 2018 ·

I love it ( imperfect asv it is) in a manic sort of way, which might be a sign of hypomania, or just compensation for all the years I've hated it. How do you feel about your bodies? Tell me.

John T
15 Jul 2018 ·

I feel terrible about mine. I'm a bag of ***. My hair is ever so slowly falling out. I have still got plenty of weight to lose. Parts of me are simply the wrong shape or size. I try not to think about it and just smile like a daft idiot! 😁

John T
15 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Janine S
15 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Janine S
15 Jul 2018 ·

I usually feel pretty good. I want to lose a little weight and gain some muscle sometimes but I'm mostly happy. The main issue I have is that I wish I was taller. I feel good about some things but if I think of myself as being attractive too much I

Janine S
15 Jul 2018 ·

Feel guilty for some reason

Lydia R
15 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
15 Jul 2018 ·

Hated mine ever since hitting puberty. Feet, hands, head and breasts too big, shoulders too wide, not delicate enough, too much body hair for my liking, not losing enough weight, etc etc. Though I'm Happy you can enjoy yours now! 😊

Tasha S
15 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
15 Jul 2018 ·

John and Lydia, I can totally relate, I've always felt the same way. When I look at other people I'm much kinder :) now trying to see the bod as a vehicle. And looking good as not the main point, which is hard in our culture.

Alicia B
15 Jul 2018 ·

Janine, yay! I'm so glad to know some people are OK with what they look like. This is great. I wonder why the guilt though?

Cindy M
15 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
15 Jul 2018 ·

Not okay with mine, though sometimes for short periods I've had some success thinking as you do, Alicia. I really hate summer and feel worse then, because there are so many women who do look fantastic (even though I try to remember probably many of

Cindy M
15 Jul 2018 ·

suffer from the same feelings, at least occasionally). I'm torn between feeling happy for them and appreciating their beauty and confidence, and really hating them and feeling like I ought to stay indoors forever...

Lydia R
15 Jul 2018 ·

Same Cindy! Strange how our minds work sometimes.

Manda P
15 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
15 Jul 2018 ·

Well, you guys know how I feel about my body. ED issues really f*ck all that up. I wore the skin tight dress last night though & felt really good in it after my Sis's reaction. She would've told me if she thought I didn't look good in it. Even if...

Manda P
15 Jul 2018 ·

...I feel content in my body, I always hate my face, body hair, boobs, & butt. That doesn't make sense! 😂

Alicia B
7d ·

Cindy, Manda, thank you so much for sharing. It means a lot, and I do feel ya, people! We should be nicer to ourselves, right? But how? Ugh.

Jeff M
7d ·

I've been told since I was a child that I'm ugly and fat, so even though I'm relatively fit now, I still believe it. And it's been borne out...not a good looking person, I guess, though never really sure why. Stupid bodies...

John T
7d ·

On one hand I sympathise and understand how wrong the brain can be. But an ultra marathon runner... 'Relatively fit'. Come on, you're super fit! I hope your brain understands this soon!

John T
7d ·

People's actions and the love they hold shine through more than a really good face or any body part. If you really respect someone it's the person not the body that is important. My cat doesn't care what I look like but he likes cuddles and being fed

Manda P
6d ·

John is EXACTLY right which means each of you Pandas are beautiful!

Alicia B
6d ·

Yes, it's a very silly thing to be worrying too much about. Trying to work on that.

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9 Alicia B
15 Jul 2018 ·
New tires for my bike, and tweaked the brakes, all done by A. with me just helping by bringing tools and screwing things on. We've fixed the tire on his bike, too, so hopefully tomorrow we can all go
Manda P
15 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
15 Jul 2018 ·

Oh, man. I don't know how you keep Bipolar feelings in, Alicia. I have to let it all out. I hope you can reach the same point. It must be so hard to not be able to do that. I am glad you have this teeny tiny corner of the world to release your...

Manda P
15 Jul 2018 ·

...thoughts. I wish I could be your Bipolar Buddy in real life! 💖

Manda P
7d ·

You don't have to thank me, Alicia! You make me realize stuff all the time. I think you'll find the one to finally get a little back. Hopefully sooner rather than later. 💞

Tasha S
15 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
15 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Janine S
15 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
15 Jul 2018 ·

for a truly group ride. If his mood permits it! That's what they say about Borderlines: when they're feeling OK they are fantastic people to have around. So much fun, so efficient, and smart, and caring.

Alicia B
15 Jul 2018 ·

I've noticed something. He irritates me so much when he's attention- seeking and meltdowny. But why? Perhaps because no-one 's ever asked how I felt being Bipolar, and I've never dared to impose. When I got diagnosed, all people wanted to know was

Alicia B
15 Jul 2018 ·

whether it was treatable, and whether I should actually take meds. I'm just good at pretending to be normal. And I always feel like showing my feelings is not worth it. Such a bother to everyone. No wonder I hate the person having all of their

Alicia B
15 Jul 2018 ·

feelings out all the time. I'm jealous in a way. Gotta work on that.

Alicia B
15 Jul 2018 ·

Thank you, John. I am in a manic phase I guess, but with meds is not extreme. The nine was for having done useful things and bonded with a human that day, too. It feels nice.

Alicia B
7d ·

Mandaaa, thank you, I love you so much 💜 I've been trained as a child to keep my *** to myself, just by having an overly emotional mum. I always felt I needed to protect her. First time I remember hiding intense pain was when I was seven. It's

Alicia B
7d ·

really hard for me to open up, I keep wishing someone would push for me to do it. That's probably how I got into an abusive relationship. I'm a calming presence to many people, it comes naturally because I love to listen and support and feel their

Alicia B
7d ·

feels with them. I guess it's a habit, but it's kind of a nice one, so it stays. You've made me realize things big time today, thank you 💜💜💜

Lydia R
15 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
15 Jul 2018 ·

I like to speak frankly, because you do to me. A 9 is a very high score, but the irritation you describe doesn't sound like a 9. Hypomania? Keep an eye on things. Enjoy but don't be reckless should a situation occur. Chat if you need to. Take care!

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7 Alicia B
13 Jul 2018 ·
Yesterday: picked some veggies at a self - serve place ( what are those called in English?), did grocery shopping, then dance class and dinner with all the dancers. Had my first casual convo in German
John T
13 Jul 2018 ·

Sehr gut!

John T
13 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
13 Jul 2018 ·

I don't know what you mean, self serve could mean anything, it's a bit vague. A 'pick your own' farm is a place where you can pick fruit or veg straight from the field and pay for what you pick. These aren't common even in the countryside, though.

John T
13 Jul 2018 ·

A self service checkout in a supermarket is one where you scan stuff yourself rather than have someone scan it for you.

Jeff M
13 Jul 2018 ·

Yeah, I was thinking you meant like a pick-your-own farm. Or a CSA (where you subscribe and get veggies every week or something). Not sure...I get all my veggies at a store or at the public market (farmers bring stuff in).

Lydia R
13 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
14 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
15 Jul 2018 ·

Yes, thank you, John :) it is a pick your own stuff kind of place. I take it they are quite common in Germany. It's nice, brings back childhood memories for me, and I get to enjoy the look and smell and feel of fruit and vegetables when on the right

Alicia B
15 Jul 2018 ·

meds.

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7 Alicia B
11 Jul 2018 ·
Connected to my protector that I call Super***. Asked her to shut up about the way I look for a while. That actually worked, she's being quiet ( though skeptical). Pretty amazing.
Janine S
12 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Love 1
12 Jul 2018 ·

IFS in action. Love it.

Sarah Y
12 Jul 2018 · NEW

*Hugs*

Tasha S
12 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
12 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
12 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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7 Alicia B
11 Jul 2018 ·
Last day of ' school' was good. Ran some errands after, watched football, saved I's back with a massage. Nice day.
John T
11 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
11 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
11 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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7 Alicia B
09 Jul 2018 ·
Quietv day today, enjoyed some alone time and practiced mindfulness and being in the now. Tomorrow is the last day of A2 German. I've passed the simulated exam top of the class. Actual numero uno. Yay
V R
09 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
09 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Kym S
09 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Patricia S
09 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Robert H
09 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Bipolar Bear .
10 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
10 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
10 Jul 2018 ·

Awesome! 😀

Ade W
10 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
10 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
10 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
10 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
10 Jul 2018 ·

Don't you mean numero zwei? Congrats!

Ade W
10 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
10 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
10 Jul 2018 ·

Congrats, Alicia! That's awesome!

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8 Alicia B
08 Jul 2018 ·
Guess who's feeling froggy. We've made a window net for my cat with A., then I helped change the exhaust on his motorbike, then we all went to the lake and swam right across it. And back. Feeling good
Line R
08 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
09 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
09 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
09 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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5 Alicia B
08 Jul 2018 ·
Mood got better yesterday when someone wanted to buy my painting. She is too broke, though. Dunno why she asked 😁 still bothered by the two last conflicts at home. I feel I didn't deserve either.
Alicia B
08 Jul 2018 ·

Anyone would probably agree with me if they were given the details. I'm trying to let it go but it reminds me of my life with the ex husband. Feels like a mouse power struggle in a way. It's hard to explain. I know it's not the same at all, just ppl

Alicia B
08 Jul 2018 ·

making me apologize when I've done nothing wrong and they've overrracted clearly, or forcing me to give up my principles ( good luck with that) triggers me big time.

Maite P
08 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
08 Jul 2018 ·

Not * mouse power struggle*, just plain power struggle, I don't know what the f the auto-correct was going for there.

Lydia R
08 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
08 Jul 2018 ·

I know it's not funny, but I actually like the mouse power struggle and wondered if that's a term I didn't know yet. :D I hope you can let go of these feelings, though I know how hard it is. Did you guys talk about it calmly and rational?

John T
08 Jul 2018 ·

In a months time it'll be mostly irrelevant. That's what I tell myself when I have to conceed to others. It's a skill and like any other skill it gets better with practice. Principles are important but sometimes letting things be is healthier.

John T
08 Jul 2018 ·

I really relate to your post after what happened with my brother a month or two ago. That's blown over, it's all water under the bridge, and we all calm down after a while. (Although sometimes it takes ages!)

John T
08 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
08 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
08 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
08 Jul 2018 ·

Thank you, pandas, and thank you, my dear John, I needed to hear that :)

Jeff M
09 Jul 2018 ·

The struggles of mice and men, eh? How nice to have someone want your painting enough to ask about it, even if she knew she couldn't buy it. Quite a compliment!

Alicia B
09 Jul 2018 ·

I guess it is, Jeff :) felt nice anyway

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6 Alicia B
08 Jul 2018 ·
Will have to post a bit for the last 2 days. Everyone in the German course liked my idea for the gift for our teacher. I took care of collecting the money and buying it and giving it to him. It was
Alicia B
08 Jul 2018 ·

a bother after a sleepless tearful night but also felt nice.

Maite P
08 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
08 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
08 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
08 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
08 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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3 Alicia B
05 Jul 2018 ·
Alrightie, I've said that I'm too tired for too much stuff and I don't want to go see a play, to which I. got upset, said I never want to do anything and I only think about myself. A bit of an
Alicia B
05 Jul 2018 ·

exaggeration there. I've been calm and friendly throughout. Kinda proud of that. Ah well. It took me a while to learn to admit when my mood swings make me irrational. Not everyone can do that. A few years ago I would have been mortified to be the

Alicia B
05 Jul 2018 ·

one at fault in the eyes of my loved one. Now I'm just a bit angry. One can't help but feel stupid when one has to defend oneself against false accusations. I try to be supportive of myself if no-one will. I'm OK. I'm not bad and I'm not boring.

Alicia B
05 Jul 2018 ·

That's what my inner therapist says, anyway. It's pretty hard for the depressed me not to think I suck in every way. But it's nice to hear I don't.

Lydia R
05 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
05 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
05 Jul 2018 ·

I'm glad you're supporting yourself. Of course you're not bad or boring or anything like that. Sorry I. doesn't understand when you're experiencing this...it's hard for people to understand what others are going through...

Jeff M
05 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Robert H
05 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
05 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

V R
05 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Margot L
05 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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6 Alicia B
05 Jul 2018 ·
Today German lesson, bought the present for teach from all of us (he's lovely), next African dancing and some play. Ugh. I'm tired already.
Jeff M
05 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Love 1
05 Jul 2018 ·

The dancing sounds wonderful. I need to more of that.

Lydia R
05 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
05 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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6 Alicia B
04 Jul 2018 ·
Gotta stop wasting my time thinking about things I can't change. Some people just suck sometimes. I'll be OK. My responsibility is my feelings, my integrity and handling my Bipolar disorder.
Alicia B
04 Jul 2018 ·

And my hair! At the hairdressers right now. I don't like it. Takes forever, costs way too much, I'm hot and self- conscious. I do like hm having pretty hair though.

Love 1
04 Jul 2018 ·

You are hot. hehe. :)

John T
04 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
04 Jul 2018 ·

Whoa, Alicia! I came here to pretty much say the exact same thing only I did the hair thing last week!!! Yay us!! 💖

Lydia R
04 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
04 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
05 Jul 2018 ·

Yay hot us 😁😁

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5 Alicia B
04 Jul 2018 ·
Channeled some of my anger in a painting. Still pissed. I wouldn't be, but when I said I was still not over that evening, my friend said: 'But I'M upset'. So typical, thinks he's the only one who's
Alicia B
04 Jul 2018 ·

got feelings. Grrrrr

Love 1
04 Jul 2018 ·

Think I need to take your lead and channel my anger into art. Grrr. I'm pissed, too.

John T
04 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
04 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Max T
04 Jul 2018 ·

Awesome that you use art therapy. I find that's the best way to understand fully how I feel when I can't put it to words.

Lydia R
04 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
04 Jul 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
05 Jul 2018 ·

Max is right, art therapy does help understanding as much as sublimating. We should all do it.

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