6.4 avg
  339 days
  2142 hugs
  78 followers
5 Alicia B
2d ·
Noticed a drop in mood in the evenings. It sometimes goes away if I hang out with Inga and we are having fun. I used to be more of a morning depression person. I wonder why. Could it be I'm not
Alicia B
2d ·

satisfied with what I've done with my day? I feel better when I'm more active, but then the moment of sadness comes late at night. Gotta think about it.

Maya H
2d · NEW

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Jeff M
2d ·

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Sif M
2d ·

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Lydia R
2d ·

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8 Alicia B
2d ·
Great match for Portugal and Spain last night. I. was laughing about having a wife watching football. Now she can complain about me at work just like all her collegues about their husbands 😁
Lydia R
2d ·

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nixiblu .
2d ·

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Tasha S
2d ·

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Maya H
2d · NEW

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8 Alicia B
4d ·
Talked to I. till 2 in the morning last night 😁 it was great. Very uplifting. I'm a lucky girl, even though she is pmsing right now and doesn't know how brilliant she is. Watching football.
Sarah L
4d · NEW

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Lydia R
4d ·

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John T
4d ·

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John T
4d ·

Russia are bossing this. Saudi simply have nothing in attack.

John T
4d ·

WHAT A GOAL!!

John T
4d ·

DENIS CHERYSHEV! HE'S BEEN BRILLIANT!

John T
4d ·

Hahaha! Amazing... 5 - 0

John T
4d ·

The two lowest ranked teams in the tournament but what a great game. Entertainment.

Vika R
4d ·

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Tasha S
4d ·

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paul M
3d ·

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Manda P
3d ·

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Cindy M
3d ·

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Alicia B
2d ·

Yes, John, it was fun. But Russians are not going to be good against strong teams. At least they can score pretty goals now :)

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7 Alicia B
5d ·
I have no habit of listening to myself to find out what I want in the moment. No wonder I get depressed and want nothing at all from time to time. One more lesson for me. I'm so happy to have insight
John T
5d ·

*Hugs*

John T
5d ·

I quite often know what I want, I don't very often do it. I lack the necessary motivation and self worth. Sometimes scheduling things helps me do things, but that takes it out of the moment. I need spontaneity.

Love 1
5d ·

Yes. it's good to quiet the mind and listen to the quiet inner voice

Lydia R
5d ·

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5 Alicia B
6d ·
Ton of compliments on German. Teacher says most compact course is too slow for me. Wish my ' genius' got me some money or something. Good to see other students, though. I. gave me a book on Bipolar.
Lydia R
6d ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
6d ·

I appreciate it and her. Many revelations these days. I still need to grieve for the loss of something that never was. An abuse victim's path, I guess. Giving myself time. As long as it takes. It's okay, I tell myself.

Cindy M
6d ·

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Ivanova
6d ·

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nixiblu .
6d ·

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Jeff M
5d ·

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6 Alicia B
7d ·
Feeling like my head is above the water again. Going back to German course tomorrow, I'll prob be far behind. It's OK though. Waking up early is the worst for me.
Robert H
7d ·

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Heather R
7d ·

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Tasha S
6d ·

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Jeff M
6d ·

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7 Alicia B
10 Jun 2018 ·
Woke up regretting waking up. Had a little talk with A. whose depression is getting hard to live with. Painted two thingies. Feel much better now.
Cindy M
10 Jun 2018 ·

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Manda P
10 Jun 2018 ·

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Tasha S
7d ·

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5 Alicia B
09 Jun 2018 ·
A walk in Dresden completed our little trip, it was nice though I was too tired to really enjoy it.
Lydia R
09 Jun 2018 ·

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Manda P
09 Jun 2018 ·

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John T
09 Jun 2018 ·

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Jeff M
09 Jun 2018 ·

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Cindy M
10 Jun 2018 ·

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Manda P
10 Jun 2018 ·

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6 Alicia B
08 Jun 2018 ·
Next day we'd gone to see the famous rocks with the remains of a XIII century castle on them. It was beautiful :) The day felt like it was filled with all sorts of emotions and impressions, so much so
Alicia B
08 Jun 2018 ·

that neither of us could sleep that night. This time the ex showed up in my dreams again, he was yelling at me and telling me if we are to get back together it'll be on his terms only. Phew, good thing that was just a dream. It made me feel weird tho

Alicia B
08 Jun 2018 ·

I couldn't stop thinking about him all day. Trauma bond is a strong one. I wonder if it'll ever disappear entirely? I'm prepared to fight it. Stupid abusers.

Jeff M
08 Jun 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
08 Jun 2018 ·

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Metron A
08 Jun 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Metron A
08 Jun 2018 ·

I'm with you. I'm scared to check my emails most days, and the phone calls will not stop. A friend of mine has been out of her situation for 2 years and it's still problematic. I can only hope it dulls with time.

Ivanova
08 Jun 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
08 Jun 2018 ·

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Manda P
09 Jun 2018 ·

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5 Alicia B
07 Jun 2018 ·
Right after Rock im Park I had to leave on a small vacation in Saxonia with I. We got there pretty late, got lost in very scenic places, and went for a night walk around the town. I was feeling tired
Alicia B
07 Jun 2018 ·

and irritable after the concert crowds. Had to power through, though, and everything was OK until I went to sleep and started dreaming about my ex again. He was being human in those dreams, and I remembered how much I used to love him, and how I've

Alicia B
07 Jun 2018 ·

never felt that way about anyone. This is so stupid, I thought. He doesn't deserve any of this; I left him with good reason. It was just a little sad, though, realizing that everything I feel right now doesn't come close. I'll try and post more about

Alicia B
07 Jun 2018 ·

these lost days tomorrow. It's worth taking a note.

Robert H
08 Jun 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
08 Jun 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
08 Jun 2018 ·

Sorry about your dream, but where did you go? I'm originally from Saxony. :)

Tasha S
08 Jun 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
08 Jun 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
08 Jun 2018 ·

I haven't had a serious relationship in years, but I still look back at my last one with those same feelings. I think we miss that deep emotion sometimes more than we miss the person him/herself. Hope your trip is/was nice!

Alicia B
08 Jun 2018 ·

Thank you, pandas! Lydia, we stayed in Pirma, and walked around Dresden for half a day :)

Lydia R
08 Jun 2018 ·

Did you like it? That's my hometown. πŸ˜€

Manda P
09 Jun 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
09 Jun 2018 ·

I have those feelings about my abusive ex who I left 13 years ago. It's hard. πŸ˜”

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10 Alicia B
06 Jun 2018 ·
OK, so, Rock im Park. We've witnessed a small miracle. But let me start at the beginning. It's impossible to park. The parking lot is miles away from the actual Park. It's hot. It's very crowded.
Alicia B
06 Jun 2018 ·

We walk for about an hour just to get to the stage where Shinedown is playing. I'm the only one of us 3 who likes them. I get in front of the stage, where the sound is BAD. I can't make out the words I know by heart, and the bass makes my throat...

Alicia B
06 Jun 2018 ·

constrict and my heart almost explode. It all reminds me of my youth, though, so I go with the flow. I scream, and jump (the dust cloud around the stage mad everyone cough), and I carry crowd surfers, and I partake in slams. Are they called slams

Lydia R
06 Jun 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
06 Jun 2018 ·

Do you mean the mosh pit? Been a while for me. Glad you had fun though and it looks/sounds as if there's more to come! πŸ˜€

Alicia B
06 Jun 2018 ·

Anyway, we push each other and jump around. When the set is over, I'm sunburnt, coughing and already tired. Thing is, there's no place to rest at RIP. The restaurants don't have sitting places, and everything else is blocked if you don't have a

Alicia B
06 Jun 2018 ·

camping ticket (260 euros or so). So we walk around, start drinking a little, we eat some crap near a dumpster, we find a little stretch of grass to lie on. My companions are both pissed of and crowd-phobic at this point. We wait, and wait.

Alicia B
06 Jun 2018 ·

We want to see Muse who start at 21:30. Slowly we walk to the Zeppelin stage, where Snow Patrol is performing for now and sit down on the grass, surrounded by cigarette butts and bloody hankies (I wonder why). People all around us are tired, drunk

Alicia B
06 Jun 2018 ·

sleepy, hot and irritable. We've all heard Snow Patrol on the radio, 'If I just lay here, would you lie with me' etc etc. Nothing special. But as we sit there listening to them (because we have no choice), something changes in the air. People begin

Alicia B
06 Jun 2018 ·

waking up, and looking at each other, and smiling. The music is romantic, I grant you, but there's something else happening. I don't have a name for it. A wave of love and peace, not to sound cheesy. All of a sudden we all feel refreshed and full of

Alicia B
06 Jun 2018 ·

excitement. The frontman is an Irish charmer, but there's more to it. My companions who were both hateful of the experience in advance, who are phobic and depressed and sometimes psychotic, suddenly go against all of their mental habits. They relax.

Alicia B
06 Jun 2018 ·

They breathe. They don't flashback as they should, they don't tense up as they always do. We look at each other and the people around us and we send around rays of love. And then we see on the screen the set security that have made a dancing 'train'

Alicia B
06 Jun 2018 ·

They are going along the stage, dancing and high-fiving the fans. 'I've just witnessed something truly beautiful, says the Snow Patrol frontman, as his voice trembles slightly.

Alicia B
06 Jun 2018 ·

I think I might be smiling all night.' From then on, everything that happened was magical. Every moment and every exchange with people I've had. Snow Patrol has put a spell on us :)

Alicia B
06 Jun 2018 ·

I wasn't myself, and my companions were not themselves. We were better, kinder, prettier, saner, healthier. And Muse.. well, they were fantastic as usual, and Bellamy played the guitar's touchpad with his tongue. I've jumped so much my knee hurts now

Alicia B
06 Jun 2018 ·

It was really a night to remember :)

Alicia B
06 Jun 2018 ·

Thank you, Lydia, I had no idea what the mosh pit is called in English :) Now I do!

John T
06 Jun 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
06 Jun 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
06 Jun 2018 ·

What an amazing post! Thank you - and so happy for you xx

Penelope P
06 Jun 2018 ·

Snow Patrol have some very emotive tracks, glad you enjoyed.

nixiblu .
06 Jun 2018 ·

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
06 Jun 2018 ·

Sounds wonderful

Margot L
06 Jun 2018 ·

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8 Alicia B
02 Jun 2018 ·
Rock im Park tomorrow! Apparently it's a part of the biggest rock festival in Germany. Muse and Shinedown, wow I'd never thought I'd see the latter live. They don't come to error Europe a lot I think.
Penelope P
02 Jun 2018 ·

Jimmy Eat World were there today. Love Shinedown too πŸ‘ Hope you have a great time!

Lydia R
02 Jun 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Robert H
03 Jun 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Shelley H
03 Jun 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
03 Jun 2018 ·

'They don't come to error Europe' --- I knew you were a robot, Alicia, all my favourite internet friends are... 😐... Hope you enjoy the gig! 😁

John T
03 Jun 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Becky S
03 Jun 2018 ·

Have fun!

Alicia B
06 Jun 2018 ·

Lol John, I'm not, I'm a real girl, error, I mean, honestly!

John T
06 Jun 2018 ·

😁

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5 Alicia B
01 Jun 2018 ·
Decided to take a small fast quetiapine to compensate for the dosage of regular one. I think I've got body dysmorphia. It explains pretty much everything that's bothering me. I don't like it, I don't
Alicia B
01 Jun 2018 ·

want to be that kind of person. I was hoping to have evolved beyond this kind of stuff, but here we are. At least now I can name this feeling that's been causing me anxiety all my life.

Lydia R
01 Jun 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
01 Jun 2018 ·

Alicia, like I told you on Facebook, you look youthful, and you buy that with make up or changing weight it's in the eyes and the smile. You've got the strength to beat these thoughts, for as long as they are a problem for you, but don't feel alone..

John T
01 Jun 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
01 Jun 2018 ·

***! That was a typo!

John T
01 Jun 2018 ·

*you can't buy that with make up or changing weight!

Lydia R
01 Jun 2018 ·

Googled body dysmorphia and yes, sounds a lot like me. Always good to have a name for something, bit I wish it wasn't like this for you.

Zoe D
01 Jun 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Shelley H
01 Jun 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
02 Jun 2018 ·

Thank you, my sweet John, you are so kind. I'll be working on this thing from now on 😚

Alicia B
02 Jun 2018 ·

Lydia, I'm sure a lot of people have this issue to some degree. Statistics say both men and women, which is surprising 😊 Let's try and help ourselves. We can do it!

Alicia B
02 Jun 2018 ·

It's very touching you'd looked it up. Plus, curious people are the best.

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6 Alicia B
30 May 2018 ·
Exam in a small mountain town of Schwabish Hall. Gorgeous views. A walk and swimming pool as I wad waiting for the result. The pool is huge! I loved it. And I passed, with 96 out of 100.
Asher B
30 May 2018 ·

yesss smart girl!!! Good job:)

John T
31 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Anna D
31 May 2018 ·

Congrats!!!

Penelope P
31 May 2018 ·

Well done Alicia!

Penelope P
31 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
31 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
31 May 2018 ·

Yaaay, congrats!! Well done! πŸ˜€

Love 1
31 May 2018 ·

Ich gratuliere. Prozdavleniya!

Jeff M
31 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
31 May 2018 ·

Way to go!

paul M
31 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
31 May 2018 ·

Thank you, guys πŸ’œπŸ’œ Love1, spasibo!

Cindy M
31 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
31 May 2018 ·

Congratulations!

Alicia B
02 Jun 2018 ·

Thank you, Cindy!

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5 Alicia B
28 May 2018 ·
Badminton today was helpful with mood, but it's still sort of dull. Will go to bed soon, because tomorrow we're driving to a different town for my German exam. Wish me luck!
Lydia R
28 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
28 May 2018 ·

Viel Erfolg und GlΓΌck! πŸ€ Du wirst das schaffen. πŸ˜€

Lieteke G
28 May 2018 ·

Good luck!!! You can do it!

Line R
28 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
29 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
29 May 2018 ·

Fingers crossed but I bet you'll do great xx

Margot L
29 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
29 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
30 May 2018 ·

Thank you all, thank you Lydia, I wish I understood you better 😁 German is a lovely language, ahh

Lydia R
31 May 2018 ·

Haha sorry, I just wished you good luck and said that you'll pass! πŸ˜€

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5 Alicia B
27 May 2018 ·
Need to remember: depression is the time when self care is extra important. Not the time to put myself down even more. I'll feel better after a meds adjustment and some me time.
Liane A
27 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Robert H
27 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
27 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
27 May 2018 ·

I hope you'll feel better very soon! <3

Vika R
27 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
27 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lieteke G
27 May 2018 ·

Hope you get out of it soon. And you can be proud of the way you are handling it. Well done!

Alicia B
28 May 2018 ·

Thank you, dearies 😚

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5 Alicia B
25 May 2018 ·
Yesterday was slightly better. Just waiting for this to pass. Dancing helps!
Cobber S
25 May 2018 ·

Love dancing...miss my zumba classes!

Lydia R
25 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Keeping Track A
25 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Keeping Track A
25 May 2018 ·

Great that you have a tool you can use to help you through! 😁

Cheyenne M
25 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Love 1
25 May 2018 ·

Dancing through the blues...

Love 1
25 May 2018 ·

or with it

Tasha S
25 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
25 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
25 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
25 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cobber S
31 May 2018 ·

Was inspired by your post and finally went to Zunbavmm

Cobber S
31 May 2018 ·

Zumba last night

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4 Alicia B
23 May 2018 ·
Still in a bad phase. Went to a concert today, really wanted to impress someone. That's not good. Talked to I. about visiting Moscow, the mere thought made me cry. I feel like so much more of a real
Alicia B
23 May 2018 ·

person when I'm there. All the associations and memories make me real. Last time it was hard going back to Europe. I can't stay in Russia, though, I've lost the ability to shrug off the mentality that's being cultivated there. Anyway, I've got a life

Alicia B
23 May 2018 ·

here, and I've got nothing left in Moscow except my mom. Yeah. And she can't come live here atm. I'm so sad right now. So guilty.

Raquel L
23 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Maddi K
23 May 2018 · NEW

*Hugs*

Lydia R
24 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
24 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
24 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
24 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
24 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
24 May 2018 ·

Extra hugs xx

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5 Alicia B
20 May 2018 ·
Went a little more depressive yesterday, painted, felt better. It's good to be able to realize that you're sad because of your condition, and not blame the outside world.
Lydia R
20 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Asper K
20 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Mark W
20 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Robert H
20 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
20 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Ivanova
20 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Ivanova
20 May 2018 ·

yeah, it's wonderful when you finally understand the nature of your issues, because that empowers you to do something about it

Margot L
20 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
21 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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6 Alicia B
18 May 2018 ·
Art has moved from movies to series' and documentaries. I'm hooked on the newer ones big time. Amy, A Woman Scorned (Amanda Knox), Holy Hell, Lady Valor, Van Gogh Painted with Words, War Photographer.
Alicia B
18 May 2018 ·

Those are all amazing. As for movies, I've watched We Need To Talk About Kevin, and that's art. Beautifully horrid.

Alicia B
18 May 2018 ·

The codependent in me is afraid to piss someone on here off, but god, how I hate all the Marvel movies. I hate that there are so many, and people watch them instead of, I dunno, I, Tonya, for example. That's another fantastic one. No success story,

Alicia B
18 May 2018 ·

no character winning against all odds. It's about life, and how *** it can be. It's made as a documentary, by the way. I tell you, something's up with that genre, it's in its golden age or something.

Alicia B
18 May 2018 ·

Phew. Done ranting. I used to be a ranty kind of person. I miss that sometimes. I miss wanting to convince, to find those who think alike. I've given up on that when Ivan died. We used to rant together. RIP, dear friend.

Lydia R
18 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
18 May 2018 ·

I'm also no fan of the Marvel films, but I do watch them when an actor I like is in them. Hasn't happened very often yet, thank god. I do like intelligent, beautiful and absurd stories though, but sometimes I also need to numb my mind.

Alicia B
18 May 2018 ·

It's the anniversary of his ***e today. 7 years. I miss him.

Lydia R
18 May 2018 ·

So very sorry for your loss and I'm sure the pain will never stop.

Heheheheheheheh R
18 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Shelley H
18 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
19 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
19 May 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
19 May 2018 ·

Yeah, Lydia, I numb myself, too, sometimes :)

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