satisfied with what I've done with my day? I feel better when I'm more active, but then the moment of sadness comes late at night. Gotta think about it.
Russia are bossing this. Saudi simply have nothing in attack.
WHAT A GOAL!!
DENIS CHERYSHEV! HE'S BEEN BRILLIANT!
Hahaha! Amazing... 5 - 0
The two lowest ranked teams in the tournament but what a great game. Entertainment.
Yes, John, it was fun. But Russians are not going to be good against strong teams. At least they can score pretty goals now :)
I quite often know what I want, I don't very often do it. I lack the necessary motivation and self worth. Sometimes scheduling things helps me do things, but that takes it out of the moment. I need spontaneity.
Yes. it's good to quiet the mind and listen to the quiet inner voice
I appreciate it and her. Many revelations these days. I still need to grieve for the loss of something that never was. An abuse victim's path, I guess. Giving myself time. As long as it takes. It's okay, I tell myself.
that neither of us could sleep that night. This time the ex showed up in my dreams again, he was yelling at me and telling me if we are to get back together it'll be on his terms only. Phew, good thing that was just a dream. It made me feel weird tho
I couldn't stop thinking about him all day. Trauma bond is a strong one. I wonder if it'll ever disappear entirely? I'm prepared to fight it. Stupid abusers.
I'm with you. I'm scared to check my emails most days, and the phone calls will not stop. A friend of mine has been out of her situation for 2 years and it's still problematic. I can only hope it dulls with time.
and irritable after the concert crowds. Had to power through, though, and everything was OK until I went to sleep and started dreaming about my ex again. He was being human in those dreams, and I remembered how much I used to love him, and how I've
never felt that way about anyone. This is so stupid, I thought. He doesn't deserve any of this; I left him with good reason. It was just a little sad, though, realizing that everything I feel right now doesn't come close. I'll try and post more about
these lost days tomorrow. It's worth taking a note.
Sorry about your dream, but where did you go? I'm originally from Saxony. :)
I haven't had a serious relationship in years, but I still look back at my last one with those same feelings. I think we miss that deep emotion sometimes more than we miss the person him/herself. Hope your trip is/was nice!
Thank you, pandas! Lydia, we stayed in Pirma, and walked around Dresden for half a day :)
Did you like it? That's my hometown. 😀
I have those feelings about my abusive ex who I left 13 years ago. It's hard. 😔
We walk for about an hour just to get to the stage where Shinedown is playing. I'm the only one of us 3 who likes them. I get in front of the stage, where the sound is BAD. I can't make out the words I know by heart, and the bass makes my throat...
constrict and my heart almost explode. It all reminds me of my youth, though, so I go with the flow. I scream, and jump (the dust cloud around the stage mad everyone cough), and I carry crowd surfers, and I partake in slams. Are they called slams
Do you mean the mosh pit? Been a while for me. Glad you had fun though and it looks/sounds as if there's more to come! 😀
Anyway, we push each other and jump around. When the set is over, I'm sunburnt, coughing and already tired. Thing is, there's no place to rest at RIP. The restaurants don't have sitting places, and everything else is blocked if you don't have a
camping ticket (260 euros or so). So we walk around, start drinking a little, we eat some crap near a dumpster, we find a little stretch of grass to lie on. My companions are both pissed of and crowd-phobic at this point. We wait, and wait.
We want to see Muse who start at 21:30. Slowly we walk to the Zeppelin stage, where Snow Patrol is performing for now and sit down on the grass, surrounded by cigarette butts and bloody hankies (I wonder why). People all around us are tired, drunk
sleepy, hot and irritable. We've all heard Snow Patrol on the radio, 'If I just lay here, would you lie with me' etc etc. Nothing special. But as we sit there listening to them (because we have no choice), something changes in the air. People begin
waking up, and looking at each other, and smiling. The music is romantic, I grant you, but there's something else happening. I don't have a name for it. A wave of love and peace, not to sound cheesy. All of a sudden we all feel refreshed and full of
excitement. The frontman is an Irish charmer, but there's more to it. My companions who were both hateful of the experience in advance, who are phobic and depressed and sometimes psychotic, suddenly go against all of their mental habits. They relax.
They breathe. They don't flashback as they should, they don't tense up as they always do. We look at each other and the people around us and we send around rays of love. And then we see on the screen the set security that have made a dancing 'train'
They are going along the stage, dancing and high-fiving the fans. 'I've just witnessed something truly beautiful, says the Snow Patrol frontman, as his voice trembles slightly.
I think I might be smiling all night.' From then on, everything that happened was magical. Every moment and every exchange with people I've had. Snow Patrol has put a spell on us :)
I wasn't myself, and my companions were not themselves. We were better, kinder, prettier, saner, healthier. And Muse.. well, they were fantastic as usual, and Bellamy played the guitar's touchpad with his tongue. I've jumped so much my knee hurts now
It was really a night to remember :)
Thank you, Lydia, I had no idea what the mosh pit is called in English :) Now I do!
What an amazing post! Thank you - and so happy for you xx
Snow Patrol have some very emotive tracks, glad you enjoyed.
Jimmy Eat World were there today. Love Shinedown too 👍 Hope you have a great time!
'They don't come to error Europe' --- I knew you were a robot, Alicia, all my favourite internet friends are... 😐... Hope you enjoy the gig! 😁
Lol John, I'm not, I'm a real girl, error, I mean, honestly!
want to be that kind of person. I was hoping to have evolved beyond this kind of stuff, but here we are. At least now I can name this feeling that's been causing me anxiety all my life.
Alicia, like I told you on Facebook, you look youthful, and you buy that with make up or changing weight it's in the eyes and the smile. You've got the strength to beat these thoughts, for as long as they are a problem for you, but don't feel alone..
***! That was a typo!
*you can't buy that with make up or changing weight!
Googled body dysmorphia and yes, sounds a lot like me. Always good to have a name for something, bit I wish it wasn't like this for you.
Thank you, my sweet John, you are so kind. I'll be working on this thing from now on 😚
Lydia, I'm sure a lot of people have this issue to some degree. Statistics say both men and women, which is surprising 😊 Let's try and help ourselves. We can do it!
It's very touching you'd looked it up. Plus, curious people are the best.
yesss smart girl!!! Good job:)
Well done Alicia!
Yaaay, congrats!! Well done! 😀
Ich gratuliere. Prozdavleniya!
Way to go!
Thank you, guys 💜💜 Love1, spasibo!
Thank you, Cindy!
Viel Erfolg und Glück! 🍀 Du wirst das schaffen. 😀
Good luck!!! You can do it!
Fingers crossed but I bet you'll do great xx
Thank you all, thank you Lydia, I wish I understood you better 😁 German is a lovely language, ahh
Haha sorry, I just wished you good luck and said that you'll pass! 😀
I hope you'll feel better very soon! <3
Hope you get out of it soon. And you can be proud of the way you are handling it. Well done!
Thank you, dearies 😚
Love dancing...miss my zumba classes!
Great that you have a tool you can use to help you through! 😁
Dancing through the blues...
or with it
Was inspired by your post and finally went to Zunbavmm
Zumba last night
person when I'm there. All the associations and memories make me real. Last time it was hard going back to Europe. I can't stay in Russia, though, I've lost the ability to shrug off the mentality that's being cultivated there. Anyway, I've got a life
here, and I've got nothing left in Moscow except my mom. Yeah. And she can't come live here atm. I'm so sad right now. So guilty.
Extra hugs xx
yeah, it's wonderful when you finally understand the nature of your issues, because that empowers you to do something about it
Those are all amazing. As for movies, I've watched We Need To Talk About Kevin, and that's art. Beautifully horrid.
The codependent in me is afraid to piss someone on here off, but god, how I hate all the Marvel movies. I hate that there are so many, and people watch them instead of, I dunno, I, Tonya, for example. That's another fantastic one. No success story,
no character winning against all odds. It's about life, and how *** it can be. It's made as a documentary, by the way. I tell you, something's up with that genre, it's in its golden age or something.
Phew. Done ranting. I used to be a ranty kind of person. I miss that sometimes. I miss wanting to convince, to find those who think alike. I've given up on that when Ivan died. We used to rant together. RIP, dear friend.
I'm also no fan of the Marvel films, but I do watch them when an actor I like is in them. Hasn't happened very often yet, thank god. I do like intelligent, beautiful and absurd stories though, but sometimes I also need to numb my mind.
It's the anniversary of his ***e today. 7 years. I miss him.
So very sorry for your loss and I'm sure the pain will never stop.
Yeah, Lydia, I numb myself, too, sometimes :)