etc., then looked up at myself in the mirror, and I looked fine. Then closed my eyes and thought all the negative things I usually think. Looked up, saw a fat ugly mug. Wow. This *** is real, people! Started this morning with a big pep talk.
The reflection is OK. Some parts of it are quite nice. I am very impressed with what I've learned about myself. Keeping up some excercising also helps to keep calm (but not too much, I'm lazy)
Slow progress sticks better than fast progress. Keep going.
That's awesome. Keep it up!
I'm unsettled and anxious. I keep going back to the things and people connected to my body dysmorphia. Could that be because I've decided to feel everything there is to feel?
I sort of hope so. I hope it means there's work to be done rather than I'm more broken then before.
Tomorrow is a totally different day, so is tge day after. Having a mood disorder two things are important, accepting changes in mood, and remembering that changes will come when mood is uncomfortable.
Thank you, John, thank you everyone.
Your English is amazing - of course you could pull it off (and everyone needs an editor:)) Hope you feel better soon
True, Cindy, everyone does. Thank you!
I love your plans! Such a cool Panda :)
Thank you, Cindy :)
They can be scary. I get angry and say things I shouldn't, I get sad and want to kill myself, I start seeing life as a long chain of losses. But to loose someone or something you need to get them first, right? So it's also a chain of findings, and
meeting people, and trying new things, and learning new things. I want to choose to feel and experience it all again. I don't want to be this scared little mouse in the corner, so afraid of her own feelings that she's playing dead most of the time.
No, mice don't play dead, but you get me, pandas, right? I am ready to let it all flood in, I'm ready to live. I am trying starting now.
Go for it Alicia let it all in. I wish you all the luck in the world to find what you seek ♥️
Scared little possum? They play dead, don't they? I don't think I've ever really seen a possum. Regardless, I very much appreciate your perspective and how much you have learned from these experiences! Very encouraging!
Stay strong! You can do it! :)
I know you can do this xx
Thank you all for your support <3
Just in case. There are all sorts of people around.
Don't forget to work in kicks too!
Yeah, Jeff, good idea :)
I'm glad the good balanced the bad! Swimming sounds so nice. I can't remember the last time I went swimming...
helped me connect to humanity again. You've given me something to hold on to. People in my real life are mostly hiding behind masks, but I know now it's not the only way to be. Thank you all, and thank you MP
Bless you Alicia, you are so loved on here. Wish I had you in real life.
I second Penelope's comment xx
To be open, vulnerable & authentic around others takes a deg of courage. Yet, I find we can connect @a much deeper level when we are real, when we speak from the heart, when we lose the fear of expressing what is alive in us @ any given moment
So glad to have you here as well, Alicia. 💖 I'm incredibly thankful for MP too!
Thank you so much, Penelope, Cindy and Manda, and everyone. Love you guys. Love, I totally agree, I wish I could have known this earlier.
I wish I had you IRL too, Penelope <3
behind the drummers and dance and have an amazing time. I started march-dancing straight away, because we're not gonne make anyone like us more by just walking around sulking because of the heat, right? Soon enough, other people around me were dancin
too? It's contagious, I've known that for a while now. And I felt a wonderful sense of freedom. I'm bi, I'm a little on the plump side (can't say 'fat' anymore, therapist is against it), I'm here with my girl, and I'm having fun with my people who
are not going to hurt me or look at me funny because I'm a part of this thing. I was really happy back there. Aaaand we went to a lesbian bar afterwards, just to look around and have some wine with sparkling water (genius German thing). It was very
homey and nice, and everyone was just a delight. The sky was unbelievably beautiful at sunset. A lady stopped us in th street to tell us we were looking lovely, and intelligent, and just too cute, and to wish us love and all the good things in life.
What a day. Going out is good for me and people like me, but what's better is going out with the right people. One of the best days of my life, this one.
Sounds wonderful, I'm happy for you. ❤️
, when I swim. Thank you, planet Earth, for the water.
MP's just swallowed two comments; Will start over. When I'm lying on my back in the middle of a lake, I feel free, and joyful, the person I wish I was. I can swim so far no-one will follow me. I look at the birds in the sky and feel akin to them,
just as free in my element as they are.
oh, today I've been to the pool, so I could measure how much I'd swum. It was 1 km, and far from enough. At the lake I still feel I want more at that point. Not showing off, just wondering about how I usually do. 1 km counts as excercise, right? I
I've been checking out crawl stroke these last few times, I don't do it right because I don't have contacts and goggles, but anyway it makes some new muscles on my back work, I can feel that.
I love lakes, though. They are so still they reflect the sky, and when you're far out it feels like you're swimming through the sky, and the clouds, and the setting sun.
I wish I could paint this feeling. I don't know how yet.
Omg! That was beautiful! Have you tried to paint it? I don't even know how to swim but BF & I were just saying we'd like to like on a lake one day!
Thank you, Manda. I haven't tried yet, but I will. It'll be abstract though.
Which will make it even more amazing! 😍
and we travel, and we've got Alex here with his cray-cray going on, this experience has been totally different. I'm happy about this year, I don't regret having lived it. I'm happy today. Tomorrow is another anniversary coming, it might be a good
reason to paint.
Congrats! I love the idea of being able to look back and ahead and say 'Right now, I am happy.' I think it's amazing. :)
Yeah, that it is really great! BF is trying to get me to focus on the now. Only the now.
I'm trying to do that, too. It's great when it works.
I am also terrible for suppressing emotions, MP has been a big help with facing how I'm feeling
Looking good, Alicia! Keep at it! 💖
Thank you, 🐼 friends
Alone time can be precious, relaxing, rejuvenating.
Glad you enjoyed it! What did you paint? I'm so afraid of alone time.
setting sun, the brilliant drops of water falling from my hand at every stroke. Wonderful. It was perfect. And I swam at least 1.5 km, so that's great.
sounds amazing Alicia! 😊
Great job with the swim. Sounds like a lovely experience!
Sounds awesome! Glad you got to enjoy that.
Thank you, pandas
That sounds wonderful. When I visited Arkansas I swam in a lake for the first time and it was amazing. I've never felt more at peace and connected with nature. I'm so happy you got to experience that!
I hate auto-correct
Turn it off then!
But but... Then I'll have to type every letter, and I'm lazy :(
Prediction and auto correct are separate things 🙂
I see. It's the prediction, then, that I meant.
Does sound messy. Sorry you had to deal with that. What kind of pill withdrawal?
I stopped the contraceptive pill. I imagine that can affect the mood.
one's libido. I don't know if that's true, will see soon if anything changes. Treating it as an experiment. I don't need them right now anyway.
They definitely mess with your hormones. Nice to see you had a good day! A picnic sounds so pleasant!
Sounds like a beautiful day. Also sounds like you have awareness of the transition your body is making and are aware of how this will affect the mind and mood.
or losing his favorite chopsticks. Any advice? :(
Those probably aren't the real cause of his pain or anger or whatever...they might be triggers. He probably has other things going on, or maybe he doesn't even know why he's feeling pain.
I'd say just let him express what he's feeling, so he knows he has people who care. And even if it seems silly, accept it without judgement. Only advice I can give...
Thank you, Jeff, I appreciate it. Will do my best to have no judgement :)
It's hard for me, because we can't talk about what's underneath the silly reason. I think he's scared or something. And the superficial reason is hard to take seriously. Will try tho
I hate mental health issues. 😢
Me too. It feels like such a waste of life sometimes. We learn a lot from them, though. Right? 🙁
Lol * long story dress * sounds fun
It does :)
It does sound fun! I wish I could see it. I bet you look beautiful. I want a summer dress!
Thank you 😚