Yeah been there, Max. Well done for not shouting back. It's easily done. Once you move out things can improve. Have a think about it.
--and thanks to those compliments giving me a massive confidence boost, I was able to achieve a one-arm pull-up for the first time ever. I was over-the-moon. Climbing always cheers me up, it's a real shame I can only manage to go once a week.
Willpower is a hard one. I struggle with mine everyday. There will always be ups and downs, try to remember that the one thing that is constant, is change. You will not always feel like this.
That's so lovely, Max
We live in the past (through memories) and future (through anticipation or anxiety). That's a good reminder to appreciate the present more.
There is genuine help out there. It takes bravery and a bit of luck to find what you need but I'd recommend trying to get it.
We were all there at some point, make that step, even a helpline maybe if you don't feel comfortable telling people close to you.
-- But still when I'm home, like now, my mood is rock bottom and I just crave an escape from it all. I hate coming back to all this, I shouldn't have to. But changing the situation taking way longer than I thought it would. --
-- I'm avoiding some big problems in my life. Main one being explaining the trauma from my childhood to my family.
-- Which naturally I'm terrified of doing because it's been almost 20 years since all that bull*** happened. I'm worried someone will think I'm making it up. I used to lie a lot as a child, literally about anything. --
-- I lied because I was terrified of the truth.
Sorry this has turned into a ramble of nothingness
Do you have to explain the trauma of your childhood to your family? When I tried to do that, my family barely understood. They continue to be oppressively controlling. I realised what I really had to do, was come to a place of acceptance and
understanding myself and to gain some physical distance from them which has helped me become more independent - financially and more important emotionally. I have more privacy and space and I can protect my decisions/my lifestyle from their
continual influx of unwanted opinions and advice, and/or criticism. I also feel more comfortable exploring romantic relationships away from their inspection and pressure. I have space to breathe in short.
Take home point - I thought I needed them to understand the effect my childhood had had on me, when really what I needed was to understand and accept it myself and learn how to change MY behaviour and habits so as not to perpetuate the codepency.
Well done. Great time