Je told me not to throw that away and I asked if they are going to have a baby (with his current girlfriend) and he told me they are trying. I totally lost it. I cried and yelled and punched him and threw stuff at him O_o ...then I woke up.
Do I want a child with my BF? Am I angry for him having this 'new family' and think he doesn't deserve happiness? Do I fear that I won't be happy? Why on earth was it so bad that they're trying to have a baby? So weird and strange.
I strongly believe in dreams. They tell us things that we are too afraid to deal with when we are awake or we just keep ignoring those things. This time I'm not getting it. What's the point? What do I fear?
I read somewhere that yelling at someone in a dream means you have unexpressed anger towards them. Maybe the reason from the dream is not the actual reason, just a scenario thing made up by your mind?
and bottoms and arma and 'i weight less than you' -kind of conversation and I JUST CAN'T STAND IT. I get so mad about that kind of talk. How can I believe and pass on this 'beauty is something more than you're skinny ass' -attitude, when our...
twelve year olds are comparing their bellies first in the morning? This world is so ugly and artificial... and it feels more than I can take atm.
To be clear... I'm not mad at children. I'm mad at the world. Children are just reflections of this sick, plastic world we live in and feela like there's nothing I can do about it. I have tried my best but it's not enough.
I can empathize with that need to protect our children, to contribute to their well being by inoculating them.from the shallowness and emptiness of this world.
It was performed at outdoor-theatre and it started 9 pm, so when the night came... oh my. It rained (there was this huge white circus tent -shaped construction without walls) and it felt like we were part of the fairytale-world.
cut myself (he wouldn't notice the scars.. he won't be so close to my skin) Wanting to cut my legs and sides. Those parts of my body that are longing for the gentle touch. [I'm not going to do that, don't worry (!) ]
Don't you dare hurt yourself - please! You're a really lovely person & I know because I have read your threads. It's not you it's your illness that makes you feel this way. You're a beautiful human remember remember remember
Please keep out of harms way & don't do anything risky whilst you're low. The world would not be the same again if you hurt yourself. Big Pandy cuddles
I have done it before. Back then I just hated my body, maybe as much as now, but for different reasons though. Back then I wanted to destroy my skin, so I wouldn't be so wanted. Now that is all I want to be. Loved and wanted. Desired. Touched.
Stephen, you made me cry <3 Wish I could see it that way. Wish I could stay strong. Now I can and I wont harm myself. But I'm not sure if I can stay this strong forever.
I know how you feel - I have been there albeit in a different way as I paid another person to disfigure me. Please look after yourself - its not you its just your mind playing tricks
Please don't damage your body - its the only one your ever have but at the moment your mind is acting like a drunk behind the wheel of a priceless car but a car can be replaced however you can't. Take care
Althpugh I'm feeling little guilty of spending money on myself... considering that books are awfully expensive in my country... and I'm going to destroy this one completely!
I adore books. Texture of the different papers, fonts, layout, thickness of covers, smell... I don't actually read that much, I just handle those books, feel them, look at them, arrange them in beautiful lines and piles... and now I have this
particular piece which is meant to be wrecked in the most horrible ways you can imagine. Does so good to me and my perfectionism, my desire for order and control.
I have it, too! But the first, b/w version. I love it too but never managed to wreck it. Bending the spine was horrible! 😱 lol I should continue working on it.
Oh, how nice to hear that someone else has this too =) I have tried my best to think this as a process and in the end I might have something beautiful in my hands, that is born from ugliness and faults. Just like 4 min ago I smashed some rasberries..
..on one page. We picked those berries with BF from this yard, behind the fence 15 min ago. And oh my, how beautiful that page looks <3
Wow, it sounds so cool, I should find that book, too :)
Take care Anna - we all know what that's like. Big cuddles
You are acknowledging your emotions and not suppressing them, that is the path to healing. Hugs, dear panda
Thanks you all <3
That's awful - I suffer so much with this. It's always worse when one awakes in middle of night & then in the dark all the worries gang-up & get worse usually that ole devil: Money worry. Big hugs
Stephen, exactly that! I visited home1 yesterday and there's going on this renovation (outside) and there's some urgent thing that has to be done and it costs me like a fortune (not really, but in my situation.. a fortune).
...bills and payments are piling up again and 'cause I'm on vacation I can't do extra work to earn extra money... $(!(×¥&÷;