4.6 avg
  39 days
  97 hugs
  10 followers
6 John T
8h ·
Today has been very quiet and my brain is slowly getting back to functioning better. I'll try to do more during the next few days and see how it goes. Taken tablets.
Zoe D
8h ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
8h ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
8h ·

Glad to see more green! :)

Toine S
8h · NEW

*Hugs*

Alicia B
7h ·

*Hugs*

Once logged in you can be part of the community
6 John T
1d ·
Feeling a little bit more positive despite saying somethings I didn't really think through to someone who matters a lot to me. Those little mistakes usually eat me up inside. Taken tablets.
John T
1d ·

I made the mistake but I'm trying to forgive myself and make myself forget about it. Goes against all my natural instincts and feels very new doing so, but I must adapt...

Ben W
1d · NEW

I find that guilt is such a strong and nagging feeling. Did the other person take those words as badly as you might have imagined? Sometimes we can interpret our actions very differently to others.

John T
1d ·

Yet to be seen... Me interpreting everything as a disaster is common place and part of the problem.

Ben W
1d · NEW

I understand. I often assume the worst of everything as well. However it goes, there will be ways to cope with it.

John T
1d ·

Yeah, my coping has come a long way since I got ill 15 years ago. Things fluctuate and there is lots I still can't cope with, but I know I have the ability to improve.

Ben W
1d · NEW

We'll both get there.

Lydia R
1d ·

*Hugs*

Elle P
13h ·

*Hugs*

laura S
9h · NEW

*Hugs*

Alicia B
7h ·

*Hugs*

Once logged in you can be part of the community
5 John T
2d ·
Another eventless, mediocre day. I read a sad article about a train driver recovering from people dying in front of his train. I nearly cried, but the feeling wasn't out of proportion. Taken tablets.
G Z
2d ·

*Hugs*

Charlie Q
2d · NEW

*Hugs*

Lydia R
2d ·

*Hugs*

Love 1
2d ·

I respect your humanity.

Once logged in you can be part of the community
5 John T
3d ·
Today has been ok. Not great but not bad either. I still had some diazepam from last night in my system so I guess that's why I've been ok. Hopefully it'll kickstart more okness. Taken tablets.
Lydia R
3d ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
3d ·

Okay is good. Okay is sometimes all we need. Hope tomorrow will be even better!

Aspie T
3d ·

*Hugs*

Valeria P
3d ·

*Hugs*

John T
2d ·

Thanks everyone! Lydia, I forgot to mention a specific SFA from their early albums I think you should check out: 'Demons' - it's a slower song with loads of mariachi trumpets.

Once logged in you can be part of the community
4 John T
4d ·
Paranoia gone from very light, small paranoia, to getting worried about things outside of my control. I'm paranoid about how the things I say or do effect people. I can't help it. Taken tablets.
John T
4d ·

*Hugs*

John T
4d ·

I didn't mean to hug myself. I meant to say the feeling my thoughts give me is awful and how ever much I try to downplay the importance of these thoughts they still take over and override everything.

Liz K
4d ·

*Hugs*

Liz K
4d ·

Everybody should hug themselves sometimes, John :) Be kind to yourself

Lydia R
4d ·

*Hugs*

John T
4d ·

Being kind to myself is something I struggle with and always have. Especially when I'm not feeling great, I blame myself for feeling like this. I know I shouldn't but I always do.

John T
4d ·

Thanks though Liz :-) your kindness is appreciated

Lydia R
4d ·

Yes, always hug yourself. Feels silly at first, but it gets easier to accept. For the paranoia.. is there anyone you can turn to when it's getting worse? But that's probably not what you want to do when you're paranoid. Hope you'll feel better soon!

John T
4d ·

I've got supportive family and social care is being arranged and should be in place after Xmas. Right now the paranoia is causing massive anxiety symptoms so I've taken a diazepam. It should calm me enough so I am able to sort my thinking out.

John T
4d ·

I try to take diazepam once or twice a month or less because my body gets used to them and they get less effective. They are also potentially addictive. I've read my other medication (other than the Anti Psychotic) Propranolol helps anxiety...

John T
4d ·

I take it stop my hands shaking with my essential tremor.

Lydia R
4d ·

Seems like you have to take a hella lot meds, damn. But I'm very glad your family supports you, that's really important. Haven't told mine what's going on, but it's not as bad as your situation so I'm trying to do it on my own. Christmas isn't that

Lydia R
4d ·

far away so I hope the next weeks will be, if not good, then at least okay for you and that social care actually is helpful.

John T
4d ·

2 regular meds and 1 occasional. I used to be on Clozapine and had to take 4 more other drugs just to control the side effects. Now that was a nightmare! Yeah I had social care when I lived in Wales, it helps me get things done

John T
4d ·

And it seems you are using MoodPanda to get support, telling family might happen naturally at some point.

Kristin L
4d ·

*Hugs*

Once logged in you can be part of the community
5 John T
5d ·
Had a better day. Went for a walk and saw a stag and deers in field next to the woods. Taken tablets.
Emma Luna L
5d ·

*Hugs*

Kristin L
5d ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
5d ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
5d ·

Good to hear, John! I love observing animals in their natural environment.

John T
5d ·

Being in a city (or on the edge of one) I think they were semi captive, but still nice to see. I wish I had my camera and zoom lens with me though because I've walked past there a few times before and seen them.

Alicia B
5d ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
5d ·

Bring your camera the next time you go for a walk (and the zoom lens when you're going there again). I'm always a bit sad when I see something great/pretty/surprising and only have my phone with me. I remember pics of deers and stags in Richmond Park

Lydia R
5d ·

in London, which are impressive and beautiful. Don't know if they are free or living in captivity, though.

Cindy M
5d ·

*Hugs*

John T
5d ·

Typo: I missed out the word 'never'. I'd never seen the deer before. I've not been to London for years, these were in Sheffield.

John T
5d ·

And yeah, my phone photos were very underwhelming.

Once logged in you can be part of the community
3 John T
6d ·
I thought about drinking grapefruit juice (which would cause an OD reaction with my Anti-Psychotic) today. I'm really struggling. Taken tablets.
Lydia R
6d ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
6d ·

Why would it cause an OD reaction? That's a very scary thought. Was it an unconscious or conscious thought? Might sound a bit naive, but I hope it was just an almost mistake.

John T
6d ·

Grapefruit juice contains an enzyme which increases the amount of medication in my blood. Even a small 200ml glassful would increase the concentration of my AP by about 9 times (or thereabouts).

John T
6d ·

Actually that's wrong. Grapefruit increases the rate of absorption...

John T
6d ·

Either way it causes an OD and says to avoid it. I've not self harmed properly for over ten years, not since my late teens. So I was deemed a suitable candidate for the drug.

Lydia R
6d ·

I'd never heard of this, but I just googled it. Crazy stuff, man. I hope you won't feel an urge to self-harm in the future and steer clear of grapefruit juice (if you can avoid it).

Emma Luna L
5d ·

*Hugs*

Once logged in you can be part of the community
2 John T
7d ·
Back to square one of this current blip. Just feeling awful. Can't think straight. Taken tablets.
Lydia R
7d ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
7d ·

*Hugs*

Emma Luna L
5d ·

*Hugs*

Once logged in you can be part of the community
5 John T
09 Nov 2017 ·
More of a 4.5 but I'm hopefully getting back to normality. Taken tablets.
Lex M
09 Nov 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Rosie L
09 Nov 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Zoe D
09 Nov 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
09 Nov 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Once logged in you can be part of the community
4 John T
08 Nov 2017 ·
Feel less unstable. Mood still low. Although spending time with neice and nephew cheered me up a bit. Taken tablets.
Branegan B
08 Nov 2017 ·

*Hugs*

JET °
08 Nov 2017 ·

*Hugs*

Once logged in you can be part of the community