4.8 avg
  100 days
  465 hugs
  24 followers
3 John T
2h ·
I'm feeling pathetic but maybe I should go back to focussing on who I want to be instead of who I am. This all feels too real. Had a few good moments with niece and nephew today. Taken tablets.
Janine S
1h ·

*Hugs*

Rebecca B
1h · NEW

Always be your self! Your awesome! X

John T
1h ·

Thanks Rebecca. When your mental health is so bad you're basically classed as disabled, no, it doesn't feel awesome. Only when I try and forget myself and focus on others can I really cope with life. I'm just on a downer and getting more paranoid.

John T
60m ·

I got really into MoodPanda, because it made me feel included and helpful. People on here have jobs and lives that feel so far out of my reach I feel alone as ever. I just gotta keep trying my best.

Natalie C
4m ·

*Hugs*

Manda P
58s ·

*Hugs*

Once logged in you can be part of the community
2 John T
1d ·
Mood has dropped. Just thinking about what an failure I make of everything I do, even everyday living things I focus on so hard, I mess up. Nothing is helping at the moment. I don't know what to do.
John T
1d ·

Even this post, I wrote 'what an failure' I can't even write the only ***ing language I know.

Johanne I
24h · NEW

*Hugs*

Jeff M
24h ·

I have to get out of my own head when I'm doing this. It's a spiral of thoughts...the bad thoughts feed and grow and take over and become real. Gotta do something else - sometimes it's blaring loud music and bouncing around off the walls...

Jeff M
24h ·

Or going outside to run or something...have to break out of that spiral before you get deeper.

Zoe D
24h ·

*Hugs*

Janine S
23h ·

*Hugs*

Liz K
22h ·

*Hugs*

Margot L
12h ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
11h ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
11h ·

Sorry to read this, John. I also never know how to stop this when it happens, but I hope you're feeling better by now!

John T
4h ·

Thanks Lydia, I am a obnoxious and annoying person, although they are too good sounding words to describe myself, I try to help (particularly here on MoodPanda) but I end up just creating more unnecessary noise. I'm just in a really low place.

John T
3h ·

Thanks Jeff too, yeah, if I could get past the paranoia and panic attacks, running would be option. At least I'm going to go again with my support worker Monday or Tuesday next week.

Once logged in you can be part of the community
5 John T
1d ·
4.5. Made myself more Chinese food. Which was nice, but accidentally used a little too much oil this time. Eating picked my mood up from earlier when everything I did seemed to go wrong. Taken tablets
John T
1d ·

I'm just going to try and relax this evening. Not let any stupid thoughts piss me off, like they have all day. Looking forward to meeting my other support worker on Thursday, and getting in some food to restock the cupboards.

Janine S
23h ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
11h ·

*Hugs*

Once logged in you can be part of the community
5 John T
1d ·
Two lunchtime recommendations: https://sinfang.bandcamp.com/track/x-o-r-feat-farao and https://youtu.be/ibZhIVLLu54
Janine S
1d ·

*Hugs*

John T
1d ·

Just realised you can't stream that x.o.r. track. Look it up on Spotify, I think it's on there...

Lydia R
11h ·

*Hugs*

Once logged in you can be part of the community
5 John T
1d ·
Snow forecast overnight didn't really happen. In the last minute or so the skies opened with really heavy snow. Too warm for it to settle though I reckon...
Lydia R
1d ·

*Hugs*

John T
1d ·

In the time it took to type that it's turned into hailstones. They are melting about 5 seconds after hitting the ground.

Lydia R
1d ·

same here! It did snow at night, but only a little bit, I missed everything and it's too warm. Already melting away again.

John T
1d ·

... and now it's stopped.

John T
1d ·

When I looked on the map Berlin isn't that much more south than Sheffield. I guess it'd be generally a bit milder in winter here because the weather here comes from the west which is warm currents from the Atlantic (and Irish sea). I like weather.

Janine S
1d ·

*Hugs*

John T
1d ·

I used to want to be a weather presenter. But soon realised I die in front of cameras, and I'm too nervous and quiet in general (irl). I'd be like that YouTube video of the nervous Icelandic weather presenter, bless her!

Lydia R
11h ·

It just snowed fat snowflakes here a few minutes ago, it was wonderful, but no chance of it staying around for a while.

Once logged in you can be part of the community
7 John T
2d ·
First proper time with support worker today, went for a walk and got soaked, but he's promised to go running with me! He's skinny but unfit. It'll make things so much easier, less panic! Taken tablets
Lydia R
2d ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
2d ·

Wow, that sounds great! I have no idea what a support worker is supposed to do, but I didn't think he'd go running with you. That's awesome. :D

Anna M
2d ·

*Hugs*

Anna M
2d ·

he sounds cool

Janine S
2d ·

*Hugs*

Kris B
2d ·

*Hugs*

John T
2d ·

He's a recentish psychology graduate who doing support work to get experience asked for in all the well paid psychology jobs. He's about 8 years younger than me, a lot skinnier, but really nerdy and not used to exercise. So hopefully he'll help...

John T
2d ·

...me lose weight, and I'll help him get strong and fit. He seemed a bit unsure at first but he really responded to my reassurance and motivation that he'd be a better runner than me!

John T
2d ·

On an unrelated note, I'm listening to nirvana for the first time in years and it's making me feel 7 years old again!

Once logged in you can be part of the community
7 John T
3d ·
Meal was a success! Enough chilli for my parents, but I would've preferred hotter, that was only self criticism. Taken tablets.
Lydia R
3d ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
3d ·

Sounds great, I'm not a fan of too spicy food though.

Noel L
3d ·

Nice sounding meal John. I like spicy but not hot

Anna M
3d ·

Love chilli. Love cooking as well, always improves my mood

John T
3d ·

I made Mixed Vegetable Singapore Chow Mein, Anna. Just spicy noodles. My first time using my wok. It was nice to be at home and cook for my parents though. I know next time I cook for someone to use a bit more chilli (except maybe Lydia or Noel!😋).

John T
3d ·

(I could of course cook them regular Vegetable Chow Mein... only I deliver for free within 3 miles and Lydia is 854 miles drive away, that and I gave up my driving lessons years ago! Noel is sometimes 9051 miles away so that's even more unrealistic!)

Lydia R
3d ·

I correct myself, I like spicy, but not too hot. No use eating food I can't taste at all after a few moments. :P

Lydia R
3d ·

only 854? Man, that's basically nothing! You'll be here in a bit. Just jump over the channel. (I'm still supporting the idea that someone please try to make teleportation a real thing. And soon please! I'm hungry.)

John T
3d ·

I made some chilli sauce once where I couldn't taste anything for a few hours after trying a tiny bit. I even had some ice cream to cool my mouth (dairy products are the best for cooling chilli - water will just spread the heat)!

John T
3d ·

Haha! 😁 If I could fly it would be just 600 and something...

Anna M
3d ·

that sounds way too hot for me ha ha

John T
3d ·

One of my brothers said 'if I ever need to melt Titanium, I know what to use' after trying it. ...And teleportation would be great, but I'd start using it get from my bedroom to my bathroom or something!

Cindy M
3d ·

*Hugs*

Once logged in you can be part of the community
6 John T
4d ·
Watching 'Big Cats' documentary. Rusty Spotted Cats are officially my favourite thing. I would be a Snow Leopard because I don't mind cold and am good by myself. Narrator's voice is annoying me a bit.
Lydia R
4d ·

*Hugs*

John T
4d ·

Thanks L. :-) Taken tablets.

Lydia R
4d ·

Not much going on here today. Weekends are always boring.

Cindy M
4d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
4d ·

I love snow leopards!

John T
4d ·

I'm playing a puzzle game called Gorogoa which seems really cleverly designed. It makes you feel really clever when you figure your way through it. I've had a quiet day too.

John T
4d ·

Parents are visiting tomorrow because I offered to cook Mixed Vegetable Singapore Chow Mein (Basically spicy noodles with veg). My friend I texted a few days ago didn't get back to me. So I just texted my friend in Wales just now.

Lydia R
4d ·

That sounds tasty! I'm having some superb instant broccoli soup. *irony off* I've been reading for a while to keep myself from checking my phone every 5 min like I've done earlier today and got myself into a right state. Friend hasn't replied yet

Lydia R
4d ·

since my message from yesterday noon, which isn't much, but I'm still freaking out and hate myself for my paranoid thoughts. Tonight Sherlock's on tv so I'll watch that and try to enjoy it.

Janine S
4d ·

*Hugs*

Janine S
4d ·

I think I'll be watching that tomorrow. Glad to hear you enjoyed it 😊

Alicia B
4d ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
4d ·

Snow leopards rock! I've finished watching ' the end of the ***ing world ' today. So good and so heartbreaking.

Natalie C
3d ·

*Hugs*

Margot L
3d ·

*Hugs*

John T
3d ·

That film or TV, Alicia? Going to start cooking soon, I've not even done a test run on myself yet so may require all the luck that's on offer!

Alicia B
3d ·

It's an 8 episode series. British. Good luck with your cooking! You can do it! Break a spoon!

Once logged in you can be part of the community
4 John T
4d ·
I have been informed that in the whole world all language's words for tea come from either 'tea' (like te, tee, etc.) or 'cha' (like chay, char etc.). Hoping a cuppa now will make me feel less zombie
Love 1
4d ·

Have a cuppa positivi-tea

Lydia R
4d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
4d ·

*Hugs*

Janine S
4d ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
4d ·

Lol Love! It's Chai in Russian, I confirm 😊

Once logged in you can be part of the community
6 John T
5d ·
Made this tune today for everyone on MoodPanda. It's very much an unofficial theme! https://soundcloud.com/johntownshend/mp-theme ..I also rediscovered how tasty a toasted bagel can be. Taken tablets.
Janine S
5d ·

*Hugs*

Janine S
5d ·

Nice. I actually got really into that music 😄

John T
5d ·

Thanks Janine, took me about 3 and a half hours to make, but I got distracted half way through a forgot everything I had planned to do!

Janine S
5d ·

I get distracted pretty easily too 😊

Mandy O
5d ·

*Hugs*

tEnT S
5d ·

Love it!

tEnT S
5d ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
5d ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
5d ·

Sounds really cool! :D I almost feel like I'm part of a Mario game or something like that.

John T
5d ·

Thanks tEnts and Lydia! 😁 Also thanks Lydia for the million butterflies you shared with me on AC. 😁🦋🦋🦋🌸🌺🦋🦋🦋🌻🌼🦋💮🦋🦋🏵️. 😀😀😀

Lydia R
5d ·

You're welcome! And thank you for sharing another million butterflies with me. :D

John T
5d ·

Hahaha, hope you like them!

Lydia R
4d ·

Of course! I wish the flowers would grow faster so that I could catch more.

Once logged in you can be part of the community