This redefines depression in so many ways, mentally and physically. I am between anxious, sick, depressed (naturally), terrified, on the verge of tears, confused, blanking, tired, exhausted, shaking.
I've been there your nite Adkins
Sorry about first post. I've been there your not alone. It's going to get better.
I told you in the AM what was going on. I answered the question and said 'And I'm leaving it at that.' You pushed. I told you I had more important things to be concerned about. You pushed again.
I raised my ***ing voice because apparently you can't ***ing hear. I yelled something about DCF and my kids are more important right now. 'If you're going to raise you're voice...' I slammed the clipboard on the ground.
Before she could ask me to leave I was already out of there. I heard her say 'Good.' I yelled back 'I know what's good for me.' *** you, ***. Left a VM with the only rational person there, Dr. K.
I will NOT talk to any staff about it except the psychiatrist. I will NOT apologize. YOU pushed me past the limit and you had two chances to BACK THE *** OFF. My MH agent said they should respect your wishes if you do not want to answer.
I will never be ashamed that I need & want someone else in my life. For any good I have done for others, I don't ask for anything in return. It is natural to want to love & be loved. Single forever? Maybe. But I do have 2 daughters. That's love.
Wife's side of the family, that is. My family? My two kids. The rest are so scattered they are unknown. Some are gone.
Ugh, that's terrible. Hope things are ok now!
Hated seroquel didn't do a lot for me except make me feel more agitated.
03:52 AM. Not sleeping. Reading info on DSS/DCF. Still no contact from them after a week. Can't wait for a face to face with daughter's therapist after wife refused to give me her info.
We fell asleep, naked, with the TV on in the cabin. There was a Lethal Weapon marathon going on all night. I would wake up now and then and see you, your face, lit up by the light bouncing around the room from the TV. So beautiful. So peaceful.
Two days I wish I could return to and love you all over again. I miss you so much. I miss our friendship. I miss our deep connection. I miss the love. It was bound to happen. I can't deny that. I honestly don't know what you saw in me.
This SD card has not been removed from my Nikon for over a year. I know what is on it and I don't want to look, but I have to. It's going to ***ing hurt, but I have to.
I am totally going to need my meds after this.
November 13, 2016. 28 images. I need to force myself to look at these and then format the card.
***. Some even go back to July 9, 2016. ***ing christ.
The 13th must have been my last day there. So as I write this, one year ago today, you were probably asleep with your head on my chest or your arm over me, my arm over you. Physical contact. Lovingly.
I drove down on the 11th. I remember where we met. We walked through the park for a while. Holding hands. Goofing off. God, I miss your smile. I miss your cute face. I need to remind myself that somewhere inside I knew it was going to end.
It wasn't fair for you. You never should have ***ing fallen in love with me. I wish you hated me. I wish you didn't find anything desirable in me besides the awesome friendship we had before we met for the first time and it exploded into romance.
I ***ing hate myself for what I have done. To you. To myself. Everything that is interconnected, someway, somehow. It's a chain reaction. I haven't heard your voice for over a month. I know I will never hear you or see you again. It's true.