2.7 avg
  31 days
  264 hugs
  13 followers
5 Nick N
4h ·
Just back to the ward having been to see 'the shape of water' at the cinema. It was good. Violent man is just being controlled by medication. Sad to see but deserved.
Hannah S
4h ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
3h ·

*Hugs*

Esther B
3h ·

*Hugs*

Keeping Track o A
3h · NEW

*Hugs*

Mark W
2h ·

*Hugs*

Odie W
2h · NEW

*Hugs*

Natalie C
2h ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
55m ·

*Hugs*

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5 Nick N
1d ·
At least three more weeks here. On condition they do something with the uncontrollably violent patient who has been reported to police for 3 assaults in 10 days. Many other incidents too.
Mohammad H
1d · NEW

*Hugs*

Janine S
1d ·

*Hugs*

Jen B
1d ·

*Hugs*

Lieteke G
1d ·

I hope they do something. You should feel safe in your environment, especially now

Nick N
1d ·

Julia (consultant psychiatrist) tells me that the wheels are in motion regarding violent man and i will get an update in the morning. Here's hoping...

Lieteke G
1d ·

Well, that's a start! Keep us posted

Margot L
1d ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
14h ·

*Hugs*

Rosie L
14h ·

Good morning nick. Well it is certainly all going on in there! I hope the update you get is positive! Try and have a good day. I just got to work.

Nick N
14h ·

Thanks Rosie. Hope you have a good day at work. I'll let you know when i get an update.

Nick N
13h ·

Same violent guy caused another patient to break her arm yesterday by throwing something at her, she stepped back and tripped falling and breaking her arm

Lieteke G
13h ·

Wow, he really has to go! Really hope they take action asap. Stay safe!

Love 1
10h ·

Sad. People are there to recover, in search of relief not for more abuse. Dude sounds like hes tormented and taking his rage out on others who are suffering. Guessing because he poses such a liability something will be done.

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5 Nick N
2d ·
Well another terrible night's sleep. Something less than an hour (i know because i remember every bed check). But again i feel fine. Reading a booklet about life after critical care it tells me that
Nick N
2d ·

The insomnia could last up to six months! Oh well 2 down 4 to go. It's also a symptom of 'adjustment disorder'. The more i read about that the less i believe the diagnosis!

Lydia R
2d ·

*Hugs*

Anna N
2d ·

*Hugs*

Michelle W
2d ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
1d ·

*Hugs*

Rosie L
1d ·

*Hugs*

Rosie L
1d ·

I was too diagnosed with an adjustment disorder... it's a weird thing ey!

Lieteke G
1d ·

*Hugs*

Nick N
1d ·

Very weird Rosie particularly as most of the symptoms have existed for many years. But it gives them a mental health condition should they wish to section me. Less likely after i gave the MHA a good forensic dissection for them today

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4 Nick N
2d ·
Mood very rapidly changing today. And very weirdly I've just been asked to go out for a walk with one of the junior doctors... (I'm not reading anything into it but even one of the nurses commented)
Nick N
2d ·

Agreed to go tomorrow it's too wet today.

Lydia R
2d ·

*Hugs*

Yondie Y
2d ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
2d ·

*Hugs*

Lüñæ G
2d ·

*Hugs*

Lieteke G
1d ·

Always nice to go for a walk. Might it be that the doctor enjoys your company? I would feel flattered

Nick N
1d ·

I feel very flattered, particularly as she is a very beautiful young lady. And it was mainly a diagnostic exercise, but also good company. So will do it again on thursday. But no romance :)

Lieteke G
1d ·

One is always in need of good company! So you have something to look forward to!

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1 Nick N
2d ·
Maybe not zolpidem causing mood drops. Back down again for no apparent reason
Lydia R
2d ·

*Hugs*

Nick N
2d ·

And just to show how ridiculous my mood changes can be I'd now say I'm back up to about a 4...

Tasha S
2d ·

*Hugs*

Lüñæ G
2d ·

*Hugs*

Lieteke G
1d ·

What did the doctors and the pharmacist say about it?

Nick N
1d ·

They agree it could cause lower mood so happy for me to try managing without or happy to prescribe an alternative should i want. For now trying without.

Lieteke G
1d ·

Good, there is a plan B and even plan C. Hopes it works without

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3 Nick N
3d ·
Don't know for certain but i think my sleeping medication had been driving my mood down. I started a new one on monday, zolpidem, and mood dropped ever since. Never took it last night and feel so much
Nick N
3d ·

better today despite hardly sleeping last night. I also felt very unsafe after a really violent patient kicked off again last night.

Lieteke G
3d ·

Maybe you could ask for other medication? I think it is important your mood doesn't drop. Hope the other patient has calmed down and you feel a bit safe again. Do you have a private room?

Keeping Track o A
3d · NEW

*Hugs*

Nick N
3d ·

I plan on waiting until tomorrow to discuss meds on the ward round (i see lots of doctors and at least one pharmacist). I've made an official complaint about the patient concerned. And yes private rooms for all. But I'm supposed to try to be social

Lieteke G
2d ·

But at least you have a place where you can hide when you don't want to be sociable. Good you sed the doctors and the pharmacist tomorrow. Hope they have a solution

Jen B
2d ·

*Hugs*

Rosie L
2d ·

*Hugs*

Rosie L
2d ·

Well done for making a complaint about said patient - it's important to feel safe x

Tasha S
2d ·

*Hugs*

Lüñæ G
2d ·

*Hugs*

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1 Nick N
4d ·
A tiny tiny glimmer of hope. My younger daughter (she's 19) has unblocked me on Facebook. I have no intention of contacting her just yet but it's the first glimmer of hope of contact.
Carrie T
4d · NEW

*Hugs*

Carrie T
3d · NEW

great to hear! I really hope she comes back around. Just give her time and keep hoping for the best.

Hannah S
3d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
3d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
3d ·

Really happy for you - hope is so important x

Tasha S
3d ·

*Hugs*

Love 1
3d ·

I dont know the backstory, but a new page is being written

Lydia R
3d ·

*Hugs*

Rose C
3d · NEW

It's good. The main thing is not to spoil everything

Lieteke G
3d ·

You see, that is great news!!!! Take it slowly. I am so happy for you!!!!

Rosie L
2d ·

*Hugs*

Rosie L
2d ·

That's great news.

Rosie L
2d ·

I'm so happy for you. Give it some time

Hannah S
2d ·

*Hugs*

Lüñæ G
2d ·

*Hugs*

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0 Nick N
5d ·
I feel so awful. I wish I'd done as planned and gone and jumped off beachy head. It really is cruel to force me to stay here when all i want is death. Please let me go... 😭
Nick N
4d ·

I should have been dead two months ago. So far I've cost the NHS around £80000 for 3 weeks ICU care and 5 weeks mental health assesment/treatment. For what? I am going to kill myself.

Nick N
4d ·

That ignores the cost of my 'rescue'. 4 police cars. 2 fire engines. 2 ambulances and a critical care doctor. A total waste of money. All to stop me carrying out a legal act.

Michelle W
4d ·

*Hugs*

Michail S
4d ·

*Hugs*

Nick N
4d ·

And for the first time in months i want to drink myself insensible...

Jen B
4d ·

So sorry you're feeling so bad.

Michail S
4d ·

Are the meds compatible to drinks? Meanwhile they don't help anyway

Nick N
4d ·

I'm not going to drink. I'm not leaving the ward today. The least i would do is drink myself unconcious. More likely make a botched ***e attempt.

Nick N
4d ·

When i next do it it's going to be 100% succesful. That's why I'm going to jump off beachy head.

Nick N
4d ·

Just can't be today.

Jayne H
4d ·

*Hugs*

Lüñæ G
4d ·

*Hugs*

Lieteke G
3d ·

So sorry I missed this post yesterday. Thankfully you have a tiny sliver of hope today

Rosie L
2d ·

*Hugs*

Rosie L
2d ·

Oh nick stop! Listen to you! You are not a COST! You are a human being worthy of this life. The NHS is a wonderful thing and I'm so glad it's here to support you! You are worth every penny - remember that x

Nick N
2d ·

Sadly Rosie it is a total waste of money that could be far better spent on many other things in the NHS as i have no intention of living after discharge. That is the sense in which it is a waste of money.

Nick N
2d ·

But thank you for your kind words.

Rosie L
2d ·

Nope. Hold on to hope. You can get through this. It will get better x

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4 Nick N
5d ·
Today's positive is my self respect is still intact given that i have stayed in hospital as I agreed with the consultant last tuesday. Sad i have to live longer.
Lieteke G
3d ·

*Hugs*

Nick N
5d ·

But current agreement to stay and keep safe only runs to 27th. Then we shall see what Julia (my consultant) has planned for me. And what i plan for myself.

Lüñæ G
5d ·

*Hugs*

Michelle W
4d ·

*Hugs*

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5 Nick N
5d ·
Just had an hours psychotherapy session. Found it very interesting. Looking forward to another session next week.
Randall S
5d ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
5d ·

*Hugs*

Valeria P
5d ·

*Hugs*

Lieteke G
5d ·

Something to look forward to! Good thing you went

Kara L
5d ·

*Hugs*

Kara L
5d ·

Glad it's helping! Xx

Cindy M
5d ·

*Hugs*

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5 Nick N
6d ·
Well i have a b&b booked tomorrow night. A train booked to london on saturday and one to Eastbourne. Due into Eastbourne around midday. Soon after over 10 years of desperation my life will end.
Randall S
6d ·

Nick. Your post has concerned me greatly as it sounds like you are planning to kill yourself. Please seek immediate help.

Jake G
6d · CHIEFPANDA

Please keep talking to your hospital staff, you sound safer in there for the time being until this passes, and we need you safe please

Nick N
6d ·

But I'm tired of life. Beyond belief tired. For over ten years it has been my deepest desire. I hung in there all these years for jill and the kids. I'm no longer part of their lives. I no longer need to stick around.

Nick N
6d ·

Hi Randall. Yes i am. I'm currently in hospital. I've got all the help anyone could ever ask for. it's doing no good at all. Just coming up to 5 weeks as a mental health in patient. They haven't a clue what to do with me. Rationa

Nick N
6d ·

Rational ***e. It's a pretty intractable problem.

Lieteke G
6d ·

Nick please!! I just saw your mail! I am very concerned about you. Try to get through the coming 5 weeks and think again. What happens when your 2 younger children grow up and want to see you, or when your 2 older ones change their mind.

Lieteke G
6d ·

What will happenif you are not there. I understand you are in bits about the divorce. But please try the next 5 weeks!! ❤️❤️❤️

Nick N
6d ·

Sorry Lieteke but I'm resigned to the divorce happening. Have been since my arrest 3 months ago. Have not wanted to live for over ten years. The time is now if i can get away today.

Lieteke G
5d ·

So I can only pray you can't get away. But didn't you mention a few days ago that you were a man of honour and keep your promise. Didn't you promise the doctor you won't harm yourself?

Nick N
5d ·

I was just about to post to say i have just spoken to staff and will not be leaving here

Nick N
5d ·

For the very reason you say

Nick N
5d ·

I have promised the doctor and staff that i will not leave without permission and so have decided to stay put. What's another few weeks or months compared to my integrity.

Lieteke G
5d ·

I am so happy to hear that, Nick! ❤️❤️❤️

Nick N
5d ·

Thank you Lieteke. I'm about the only person i know that isn't happy about it. I actually hope that i can eventually find some hope for the future. But so far nothing.

Randall S
5d ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
5d ·

*Hugs*

Lieteke G
5d ·

Remember, whenever you want to mosn, complain or get angry, we are here for you!!

Cindy M
5d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
5d ·

I'm so glad you stayed! I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. Lots of love xx

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5 Nick N
6d ·
At least i have now had the divorce petition. Not an awful lot more *** she can fling in my direction. Already resigned to no contact with kids. If i get any it's a bonus.
Mark W
6d ·

*Hugs*

John T
6d ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
6d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
6d ·

*Hugs*

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0 Nick N
7d ·
Despite knowing it was going to happen sooner or later I'm totally in bits again having just received divorce papers from Jill 😢
Cindy M
7d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
7d ·

I'm sorry, Nick. For me, a situation like that is similar to a bereavement; you might have known the person was seriously or even terminally ill, but that doesn't make the death any less of a loss. Be kind to yourself and let yourself feel whatever

Cindy M
7d ·

you are feeling. Big hugs, hang in there. xx

Jake G
7d · CHIEFPANDA

*Hugs*

Nick N
7d ·

I hope that tomorrow will bring an end to my torment. But i suspect the police will be watching for me at stations and my very final destination. Wish me luck.

Jeff M
7d ·

*Hugs*

Zoe P
7d ·

*Hugs*

Jen B
7d ·

*Hugs*

Nick N
7d ·

Thank you all. I'm still in hospital

Nick N
7d ·

I told them what i was thinking and not to let me out by myself until i felt i would keep myself safe. The immediate need to kill myself has passed.

Nick N
7d ·

And Cindy i totally agree with you.

Jake G
7d · CHIEFPANDA

Nick - this is good to hear

Cindy M
6d ·

*Hugs*

Cindy M
6d ·

Relieved you're okay (as you can be) - been thinking of you. big hugs xx

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5 Nick N
14 Feb 2018 ·
Given that we are all anonymous on here i want to give love and hugs to all you lovely pandas on valentines day. And the lower your mood the more you should take 😚
Nick N
14 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Nick N
14 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs* *Hugs* *Hugs* *Hugs* *Hugs* *Hugs* *Hugs* **Hugs* *Hugs* *Hugs* *Hugs* *Hugs**Hugs* *Hugs* *Hugs* *Hugs* *Hugs* *Hugs* *Hugs* * *Hugs* *Hugs* *Hugs* *Hugs*

Lydia R
14 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Jake G
14 Feb 2018 · CHIEFPANDA

*Hugs*

Tasha S
14 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
14 Feb 2018 ·

💚

Rosie L
14 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Rosie L
14 Feb 2018 ·

Happy Valentine's Day Nick! 💙

Cindy M
7d ·

*Hugs*

Lüñæ G
7d ·

*Hugs*

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4 Nick N
13 Feb 2018 ·
Well here we are. I'll let you pandas into a secret. Today is my birthday. It is 29 years since i have told anyone that. Or even acknowledged it. Why tell you now?
Nick N
13 Feb 2018 ·

Because it's time for me to start making changes in my life. I've not acknowledged it for that time because it is 29 years since my mum died on 7 feb and tomorrow 29 years since her funeral. Birthdays seemed unimportant. So a big change for me.

Nick N
13 Feb 2018 ·

Hopefully the first of many. And I've been out to tesco by myself and not run off and killed myself. Anxiety was huge but I'm here alive 🙂

Cindy M
13 Feb 2018 ·

So pleased for you, Nick! Well done. Happy birthday xx

Lydia R
13 Feb 2018 ·

Happy birthday!

Lydia R
13 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Mark W
13 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
13 Feb 2018 ·

Happy birthday to you!

Tasha S
13 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
13 Feb 2018 ·

Amazing progress, happy birthday x

Nick N
14 Feb 2018 ·

Thank you

Lüñæ G
7d ·

*Hugs*

Lüñæ G
7d ·

Happy birthday Nick, great that you finally restarted celebrating it

Nick N
7d ·

Thanks Lüñæ, Tasha, Natalie, Lydia and Cindy for your birthday wishes and to all Pandas for their hugs

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4 Nick N
13 Feb 2018 ·
Well it's ward round today. Chance to get my consultant to tell me exactly what mental illness they propose to treat before i ask to be discharged and probably sectioned. Wish me luck.
Lydia R
13 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lüñæ G
13 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lüñæ G
13 Feb 2018 ·

Good luck Nick! We r here for u

Lieteke G
13 Feb 2018 ·

Good luck. Thinking of you

Tasha S
13 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Nick N
13 Feb 2018 ·

Rather than force the issue to being sectioned i have agreed to a further two weeks as an informal patient. During that time i will be allowed off the ward unescorted. Because I'm an honest person i will not run away and kill myself during that time.

Nick N
13 Feb 2018 ·

The hospital are hopeful of getting me a place in an Emmaus community at the end of those two weeks, if they can then i have been asked to agree to continue to work with the community mental health teams for three months. That is more difficult

Nick N
13 Feb 2018 ·

For me to agree to but i will probably give it a try.

Cindy M
13 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lieteke G
13 Feb 2018 ·

Well, you have not been sectioned, which is great. You wtill have your freedom to go out (to Tesco). Maybe you feel different after 2 weeks. And maybe you feel different after you move to Emmaus. At least it is a start, not the end ❤️

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3 Nick N
12 Feb 2018 ·
Seen the personality disorders community team today. But just because i can i had them come to the hospital. Such power. The doctor was a real nice guy. Very down to earth. He started by saying
Nick N
12 Feb 2018 ·

we don't normally see people in hospital. But when they call us in it generally means they've got someone they don't know what to do with. Which of itself was confidence giving.

Nick N
12 Feb 2018 ·

Anyway after about 20 minutes chat he said categorically i do not have a personality disorder. So that is off the list. What he thinks i have is an adjustment disorder. I.e. it's taken a while to adjust to the new realities of life. Tick for that one

Nick N
12 Feb 2018 ·

But then we talked about rational ***e. Not discussed much in the UK and not recognised as a thing. Here you got to be a fruit loop to kill yourself. Also he feels i may have a dissociative tendancies but not to the extent to make it a disorder.

Lieteke G
12 Feb 2018 ·

Okay, he mad a lot of sense to you, but what is going to happen now, can they help you to adjust? Good to hear you got on with him, very important

Nick N
12 Feb 2018 ·

Well in reality no there isn't any treatment because there isn't any real condition to treat. So i am a very tough decision. Clearly he understand my position and has sympathy for it. But if the ward discharge me and i kill myself they face serious

Nick N
12 Feb 2018 ·

Enquiries and likely career damaging penalties.

Nick N
12 Feb 2018 ·

So probably get sectioned tomorrow and the have fun fighting a proper legal battle in a mental health tribunal

Lieteke G
12 Feb 2018 ·

But there must be something they can do? Therapy? A legal battle might be just what you need, something to put your teeth in and to fight for, or it will drain all your energy and you feel defeated. We will be there for you, whatever way it might go.

Nick N
12 Feb 2018 ·

CBT Is on offer

Nick N
12 Feb 2018 ·

Other than that nothing really. No meds. No psychiatric treatment. Nothing wrong with me apart from i want to kill myself. They don't know what to do.

Lüñæ G
13 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
13 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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2 Nick N
12 Feb 2018 ·
Hopefully I'm allowed to do this. A link to a post on facebook with some personal perspective. https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1970278439668354&id=100000586511979
Tasha S
12 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Tasha S
12 Feb 2018 ·

:(

Lüñæ G
13 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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3 Nick N
12 Feb 2018 ·
Thankfully last night one of the human nurses in charge. Zopiclone given at 8, went to bed and read until 10 slept without disturbance until 7.37. Result. Better mood. Still want to be dead.
Mark W
12 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lydia R
12 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Love 1
12 Feb 2018 ·

An undisturbed night of rest helps start the day off

Tasha S
12 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Michelle W
12 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Natalie C
12 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

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0 Nick N
11 Feb 2018 ·
What i do not understand is why a psychiatrist can threaten to section me when they have previously stated i don't have a psychiatric condition and all i want to do is kill myself which is legal
Emily G
11 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Emily G
11 Feb 2018 ·

Where are you from?

John T
11 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

John T
11 Feb 2018 ·

Maybe they just don't want you to die, they have a legal responsibility to help you not die. I don't, but I don't want you to die either.

Lüñæ G
11 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lüñæ G
11 Feb 2018 ·

Maybe they want you to think that they can di that, so you're affraid to commit s**cide

Nick N
11 Feb 2018 ·

It's not that Lűñæ. I'm currently a voluntary patient in an acute psychiatric treatment unit. In theory i can discharge myself and leave at any time. When i demanded they discharge me last Tuesday the consultant psychiatrist in charge of my care

Nick N
11 Feb 2018 ·

stated that if she discharged as a voluntary patient she would immediately use powers under the mental health act to detain me as a patient for my own safety.

Nick N
11 Feb 2018 ·

Having had a week to think about that i intend to challenge her on that on Tuesday to make her explain exactly what grounds she would have to do so given that they have previously stated i do not have a psychiatric condition and therefore they have

Nick N
11 Feb 2018 ·

Nothing they can treat. As ***e is not illegal in the uk they are essentially trying to force me to stay in hospital against my will simply to stop me carrying out a perfectly legal act.

Nick N
11 Feb 2018 ·

And sadly for me i am a very decent and honourable man and as i have given my word to the consultant and nurse in charge that i will not kill myself on the ward then i need to be discharged before i can

Nick N
11 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Nick N
11 Feb 2018 ·

I'm from the UK Emily

nixiblu .
11 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Lieteke G
11 Feb 2018 ·

I would challenge her, just for the sake of it. I think it was illegal what she did. I can understand why she did it, but that is not the point

Jayne H
12 Feb 2018 ·

*Hugs*

Nick N
12 Feb 2018 ·

That's certainly the plan Lieteke. I tend to challenge authority when i can. I might agree with them ultimately but i still check power when possible.

Lieteke G
12 Feb 2018 ·

I am with you in that one! Never just accept authority

Lieteke G
12 Feb 2018 ·

Keep us posted how it goes!

Nick N
12 Feb 2018 ·

But of course

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