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January
MTWTFSS
1(7) The expectation that the mind should be still during meditation is not helpful. We dnt expect our liver, heart or kidneys to cease functioning. The prblm is not that the creative mind secretes thought
(8) Today, millions make resolutions to quit this or adopt that new habit, finish the book, lose weight, whatever. To encourage u, I suggest Seinfeld's productivity calendar. Link + how to in comments
(7) Slunked over phone, typing with thumbs- 1 letter @ a time. Scratching an itch. I command my limbs & they obey. I celebrate these gifts: health, mvmnt, thought, communication, MP. Prayer of gratitude.
2(8) Early 4am wake up. Meditation.
(7) Gym. Subbing for a trainer. Felt good. Strengthening pec which I ruptured 2 months ago. Recovery.
(7) We expand or narrow the focus of our attention constantly. Sometimes, the focus is so narrow, we may be aware of little else but a thought or emotion, limiting the range of experience.
3(7) Grateful. Gym. Smoothie and flatbread sandwich post-workout. Blizzard shutting region down. Day off tmrrw. Purchasing ticket to Peru. Not deferring goals.
(8) despite the contrary winds, ive got my sails trimmed and know how to tack.
4(8) O praise to thee, Mighty Blizzard, son of Boreas, the god of the wintry north wind! I praise thee, O Blighter of Skies & Closer of Schools. May thy wrath continue thru the night & into the following
(9) O, hail thee, Mighty White Bearded Blizzard, Congealer of Pipes! I thank thee for keeping the campus gates closed yet another day so that I might offer thee sacrifices and libations in gratitude.
5(8) Morning routine does me good. I calibrate mood & adjust where I can. Regimen changes as I plateau. As w/exercise, circuit training mind 4 optimum performance. Shoveling snow was a plus-outdoors+xrcise
(7) Delicious nap plus zone-out meditation. Time to prep lunch. Then music or writing. Gym. Doc appt. More music & writing.
6(6) All is well. Energy low. Tired. Will meditate before gym. Hoping to zone out & recharge
(5) Mildly triggered, but grounded and focused on goals.
(7) Writing. Clarity.
7(8) The mind is powerful. Takes a strong, determined will to discipline it. It is sometimes likened to a wild elephant. Once tamed, its great strength can be harnassed for good. Time to meditate.
(7) A nap, a talk with a good friend. He often has something edifying to share and didnt disappoint.
8(7) Funny, I'll identify with whatever I post. So many parts can issue a statement for a 'me' that's multifaceted. So, I'll let Positivity post and set the tone for the day.
(7) Working more purposefully. Aligning values & Universe says, OK. Inspired atm.
(8) Recording dreams. Patterns emerging. Repetitive motifs. These are symbols. What do they mean? Curious and wanting to investigate further. Day's highlight: teaching meditation to a friend.
9(7) Curious, I-Dont-Know mind observes the unfolding. Going to school to unlearn as much as I can and be the student. The children have much to teach me on joy, compassion, present moment awareness, fun.
(6) Tired, but day went well.
10(8) In some traditions, contemplatives use art to help focus mind. The path of samatha meditation shows an elephant, a monkey and a monk. The animals represent mind, monk=self. Elephant is wild at first
(7) 20m rest. Consciousness flickers. To sustain energy, I need to reboot throughout the day.
(8) Collaboration with colleagues. Tapping their creativity and playful spirit. Wonderful to elicit joy in others. Remained in love all day, open, compassionate heart. 3 rest periods to recharge.
(8) Hour long meditation before bed, then self-hypnosis. Increasing formal meditation to 2.5h per day. 1h am/ 1h pm. 30m- 1h midday. Informal/mindfulness all day. Determined to tame the elephant.
11(7) The day begins. Now watch me whip, watch me nae nae...
(7) Thinking about connection i made w/M. M is 3. Daughter was on my lap. Preschool teacher reading a story. M loses interest, he's more interested in my glasses. Takes them off. Pulls down my eyelid.
(5) Tired. Slightly irritable. X unreasonable. Her behavior is counter-productive. Sad. Im concerned for her well-being. A well-adjusted and grounded person would not behave that way. Elicits compassion.
12(6) The strength of spirit grows in suffering and is perfected in weakness. I open the heart this morning to the light. Vulnerable... but there is strength in it.
(7) 15-20m moments of stillness/silence/settling
(6) The tap of rain falling hard against window. Rain drops sliding down glass pane. Sound of passing car hissing on wet pavement. Observing. Now turning attention inside to the felt sense beyond words
13(6) A friend mailed me the book Untethered Soul as a gift. Good read so far. Reading + dancing + yoga/exercise + nap on my day's agenda.
(4) Irritable, annoyed, tired, neck pain. Blah... but, it'll pass.
14(7) 10-11 hours sleep. Yum. I needed that. Resourced to meet the challenges of the day.
(7) Reminders throughout day to stay centered regardless of whatever disturbances surface, letting go to remain open- strengthens resolve & power of will. Allowing life to unfold w/o resistance, judgment
15(8) Freedom in keeping heart open to everything & anything that arises outside + to any reactions, disturbances, fluctuations, interpretations that surface inside. Observing w/o attachment, in flow state
(8) Good workout body & mind. Exercising body with stretches and weights. Exercising mind by remaininv present, staying focused, keeping attention on form, appreciating body in motion + breathwork.
16(7) Hello, Day, Im not author of reality. Dont know how events will unfold. Whatever happens, I remain open, not judging as good/bad- just allowing (even pain) to come & go. Appreciative, curious, open.
(6) Short break to reboot. Now mind is clear. Back to work
(5) I was triggered, but held my seat and kept heart open per instructions. I felt the unpleasant sensations in body, aware of the negative judgments, the reactive patterns wanting to attack. Atta boy!
17(7) Mind very quiet. Feeling the aliveness dancing within. Content.
(7) Feeling detached from this entity I call me. Witnessing & experiencing life through this being. The human lies in bed. The human types mumbo-jumbo. He mumbo-jumbos a lot.
18(8) Egg yolk colored sun on the horizon heralds a new day, inviting the entity I call me to surrender & venture into the Unknown. 25 rounds of diaphragmatic breathing on drive 2 work. Exhaling laughter.
(8) @ peace with even inner disturbance, not afraid, not protecting little self, transcending the tendency to want to avoid human feelings. Its energy. To experience it as such can be liberating.
(5) I disengage from thinking and rest in the felt sense of the life energy.
19(5) together as a family@school event. Triggered by Xs presence. Poor sleep. Woke up upset. Sadness drew in consciousness, but aware of descent. Not going w/thoughts. Open2feelings; welcoming experience.
(4) maybe its the pain of purification or the dying of ego... I would like to think this 4 was a prelude to something beautiful.
20(6) Finger waits for orders to move. Eye finds letter, finger presses letter. Brain coordinates. Ego dictates: 'Say this.' Weaves story. Behind that, spirit of life gives agency. Beyond that? Mystery.
(7) Resolved mission critical emergency. Whew! Co-facilitated an empathy circle this a.m. Saw children. Opp to engage X in dialogue. Emotions intensified, then retreated to calm center. Will re-engage
(7) giving people gift of full presence & deep listening. Then gym.
21(6) a thought or emotion comes. Hello. It draws its energy from my focusing on it & according to the intensity & nature of focus. Consciousness is a tool that can be turned in many directions.
(7) 20m meditation. Mind off. Now gym for a mindful workout= mind+body training.
(4) From tad sad to dark funk. Pissed at the Creator of Worlds.
22(6) Note to self: when attention is drawn to inner disturbance & consciousness descends 2 that level, use this to relax&release. If perception disorted & looking from seat of disturbance, again r&r.
(8) Ascending.
(5) 30m meditation during break. Flat. Back to work.
(8) Contributing to the well being of another feels good.
23(5) Took Mg supplement. Slept well & deeply for 5h. Difficult returning to sleep. Tiredish which dampens mood. Policing thoughts. Some children annoy me. Questioning assumptions, perceptions, management
(4) dark thoughts. I examine them with light of awareness and am not so involved, but Im still funked up.
24(7) good nights sleep. Surrendering the illusory i to the 'I am that I am.' Ra the sun god rises in the east. Ribbons of gold and scarlett festoon the sky. The work of All That Is, the I am that I am.
(7) Experiment w/micro breaks/meditations during workaday going well. Feel more rested, productive, clear-headed. More patient, more creative, more flexible.
(5) Documentary on Syria. What meaningful deed could I do to help? A once beautiful culture of historic significance destroyed for what ideal again? We in the West treat the refugees like lepers. Sad.
25(7) Checking mind weather. Balmy atm. Calm. Forecast: Potential for midday thunderstorm as sleep was insufficient + busy day ahead which generally lowers energy. Chance of rest, for exercise+friend-time
(6) Midday meditation during break. Mind always has sonething to say, but the Spirit, that gives mind life, is still.
26(8) Resting in life force; trusting the power that birthed all of this. It's not personal. It's not mine. It's alive in you. It's not human. It maintains every living thing-ants, microbes, blades of grass
(7) Trying to get the outside to be what my monkey mind wants it to be is a fools quest. Ignoring, letting go, freedom from tyranny of mind. This is liberating.
(8) Open, flowing. Such are the names I give to the felt-sense of the energy coursing through me. Sometimes, theres constriction or contraction. I might call these anger or sadness. Its all just energy.
27(7) 10-11h sleep. Mild headache & congestion. Fighting off something. Content all the same. Head may be throbbing, but Spirit is calm.28(7)
(7) Observing this entity called me as he went about his day. much of what he did today was purposeless. hes conditioned. as boring as he was to watch, it was a curious experience. liberation is near.
29(8) The Witness is at peace- whether the egoic self is agitated, busy or troubled-the Witness quietly observes.
(8) What dances before you is the result of 13.8 billion years of evolution. Yet, we insist on controlling & determining what should happen next according to our puny egos. lol. Good luck with that.
30(8) In this corner, weighing in at 175lbs ans clocking in at 46 years, the challenger, L, the Human Being. And in the red, the undisputed champion, the creator of worlds, the one who plants stars, who
(5) Tired, but ok. What would happen if I surrendered to the flow of life and directed my free will to participate in the unfolding, instead of resisting, fighting or cursing it? Experiment and see.
31(6) The guidance is subtle and well received. I am grateful for it. But I need a marquee that reads 'THIS WAY!' with flashing arrows.
(6) managing, regulating energy flow
(7) Nocturnal emission. tmi, i know. dreamt i was looking @ porn, fapping. I was so disappointed in myself. Then I woke up. Relieved. hehe #monksNightmare
February
MTWTFSS
   1(9) A productive, inspired morning. Going to take a break, though, to rest mind.
(9) oto-no-katachi, seaboard, titan reality, 3D printed piezoelectric violins- art meets music meets technology. Inspires my teaching, encouraging kids to rethink music.
(7) A yogi said energy followed attention. i like that. extrapolating, then, if my attention is scattered, energy is dispersed. If attention is calm and concentrated, energy is strong.
2(8) ...because there is music and dance. Performance drawing in full attention. Completely absorbed in project. Single-minded, focused. Its going to be fun!3(9) Inspired. Flow state.
(6) Requested access to stage for rehearsal. Performance for school's benefit. Access denied. WTF? We're VOLUNTEERING our time & energy for org, but we're restricted from bldg? Maybe theres a good reason
(6) Good workout. Moving body through multiple planes. When I got to locker room, professional dodgeball was televised. lol. When did this elementary school fav go pro? The announcers were serious, too.
4(7) Sleep quieted the excitable energy of yesterday. Woke up rested, but flat. Meditation helped balance energy. Another creative day.
(7) No matter who we are, life is going to put us through the changes, stresses or pain we need to go through to grow. Are we open to using this force for our transformation? Sometimes my answer is NO! ha
(5) The thought of that tramp watching the Super Bowl with my kids and the neighbor makes my blood boil. But I used that energy to fuel my performance at the gym. Hope the b* chokes on a Dorito.
5(5) Poor night's sleep. The cost for holding on to negative thoughts. Instead of dismissing them, I encouraged them with attention and gave them energy.
(4) a beautiful sadness descends. I sit with it and feel its gentleness. The heart mourns, yet remains open to the experience of being sad atm.
6(5) Decided to board the hellbound train and travel to the realm of fear to spend time with the darker exiles of the self. Intuition says I will find peace among the restless natives.
(7) The energy flow is charged. I feel like a bug zapper. Thoughts get too close... ZAP!
(6) Clearing head before bed. Even positive thoughts are still noise. I prefer the stillness of Quiet Mind.
7(8) Excellent nights sleep. Meditation. Thoughts dissolving into nothingness, dreamlike wisps flitting on screen of consciousness only to disappear back into void. pesky little self far far away.
(8) Dancing to end the day.
8(5) Distressing thoughts. Stopped to assess. Sitting taking inventory. Mind troubled. Physical discomfort in body. Thoughts of injustice, betrayal causing disturbance. Whether or not justified-irrelevant9(7) Rested. Hour long meditation to start the day...and here we go.
(9) when work itself becomes performance art.
(9) The Playground music app is siiiick! Me and a student jammin. He was live coding in Sonic Pi. FUN!
10(4) Poor nights sleep. Daughter startling me awake several times with whimpering. Irritable. The remedy for this is rest.
(5) A single brick doesnt weigh much & can be easily handled, but a pallet of bricks cannot be budged. The memeplexes we build are constructed thought by thought. No single thought is of much consequence
(3) it only hurts for a little while, then it's over. Opening up to this. Experiencing pain openly. Allowing it to pass through. Not engaging or pushing away. Centering attention on the heart. Observing.
11(5) spent morning creating vector art for video. Will try rest before mediation attempt w/X.
(7) Mediation with X met my needs for communication, understanding and respect. Came home and prepared a delicious turnip/potato/mushroom soup for family.
12(8) When Im calm, I see my self-inflicted pain and suffering objectively as signals. Like a mechanic taking a diagnostic read, I take the pain as valuable input.
(8) Collaboration w/ school in India. My students are composing music for kindergarteners, taking lyrics their teachers sent us and arranging music & melodies. One prodigy submitted project. awesome.
13(8) 7 billion billion billion atoms make up the entity I call me. The thing I call me sits in silent contemplation, marveling at the mystery of existence. Stepping outside the storylines of ego to wonder.14(8) Letting go of the pull that thoughts have on consciousness. What starts as a passing thought draws consciousness into it. Giving it attention & energy empowers it. Better to remain seated within.
(8) Who are you thats lost & trying to build a concept of a self thats found? Who are you thats broken & trying to build a concept of a self thats fulfilled?
15(7) Slept well. Ended with an insightful dream on social dynamics. Saw X on V-Day. Yuck! Poor thing doesnt love herself. How can she possibly love another-yet maintains the illusion of such a possibility.
(7) X playing games. Angry, but it passed right through me. Reoriented my attention to project I'm excited about. Stayed amped. Now ready to dial down energy & go to bed.
16(8) old friend wanted to know why I was living like a monk. He knew me when I was a Playboy. Assumed I was miserable. Far from it. Spirit is strong; heart @ peace. Mind is flexible, emotions pliant.17(9) Dance performance nxt wk. Rehearsal today after empathy circle. Breakdancing. Mambo. Then gym, artwork for another big project, make music. Got a 3rd conga. LOVE this creative life! #happilyInspired
(8) B/c we werent taught how to detach from thinking & disengage- we identify w/mind & suffer. A single thought charged w/emotion can obliterate one's joy. Better to obliterate addiction to thinking.
18(8) Learned lots of things & developed many skills, but none contributes to my peace as much as the ability to disengage from the oppressiveness of thinking & resting in stillness even w/an agitated mind
19(8) The caw of a crow and the cries of a blue jay during meditation filled my heart with joy. The Self does not end at the boundary of skin. Tat tvam asi.
(7) Even positive thoughts are a distraction, anaesthetizing me & dulling motivation for Self discovery & knowledge. Easy to become complacent. Nothing like the peace that follows ego annihilation.
20(4) Angry. Disgusted. Contempt for X. Daughter, in her innocence, telling how the dirty tramp & her bf kiss in public (like this) *brings fingers together. Sings song about mommy & bf sitting in a tree.21(9) Rehearsal was fun! Looking forward to performance.22(7) A good night's sleep. Mind calm and at peace. Leaf buds on bush signal the coming of spring.
(9) A true leader brings out the best in others, coaxes out their potential, sees their promise and encourages them to venture beyond their limits and fear.
23(9) On purpose. Excited. Connected to Source. Life coursing through me. Trusting. Confident. Strong.
(10) Performance was a hit as I imagined it'd be. Drew people out. Performers trusted even though it seemed risky. Proud of everyone& grateful for their contributions, time, effort, creativity. LoveGames
24(9) Precious daughter sleeps by my side, small hand resting on my shoulder. Taking boys to bball practice in 2h, then movie matinee w/mom & kids. Party tomorrow. Wrking on Art/Movie project
(9) Rockin' bhangra. Bollywood performance on my mind. Driving boys to practice. Can't be normal. We're pilots. Initiating hyper-drive in T minus 3, 2, 1, etc.
(8) Prayers before bedtime. Then reading chapters of Dhammapada on illusory nature of transient pleasures to my boys at their request. Respecter of the world's religions.
25(8) Art project, birthday party and gym to look forward to today. Rested & meditated. Mind centered & alert. Every breath, every movement could be a cause for celebration. The Spirit dances within.
(9) Fun @ party which was held at an obstacle fitness gym. Loved it! Ill be sore tomorrow. My gift to this awesome body.
(8) Prayers, hugs & kisses. Putting my precious children to bed. Wishing all parents peace, love, happiness... and a good night's rest.
26(8) Nightmares, but messages they held may prove beneficial. Otherwise, slept well. Looking fwd to day. Excited abt retreat in 2 wks.
(5) Mild irritation. Honoring, respecting &allowing this agitation to be w/o censure, w/o trying to transcend or transform it. And, just like that, it dissolves, leaving me gifts of awareness & compassion
27(9) Did not care to meditate, but Higher Nature decides, not monkey mind. Mind is a tool I direct, not the other way around. Glimpses of hitherto unexplored, subtle states of consciousness.
(8) Positive. Strong. Prepped healthy lunch & dinner. Bball w/sons. Art.
28(6) Energy was clear and flowing yesterday. Today mind not as clear, but mood is good. Will explore the -4 with my 6.
(8) On to the next project. Not expecting work to be engaging or fun, instead creating the conditions for work to be play. Recruiting the right people. Lets see what we can create next.
March
MTWTFSS
   1(7) Annual physical. Healthy & strong. Working hard to keep it that way.
(9) Music & programming.
2(7) Art/Video project. Engaged.3(8) examining subjective experiences and states w/ expanded, objective mind- the comings and goings of thoughts, emotions, sensations. Strangling lust by ignoring it. Redirecting energy. Packing for Peru.
(6) Decoupling mind from thought stream. Into the body and taking refuge in the innermost sanctuary far away from the noise and traffic of the busy mind.
4(8) Meditation. Listened to heartbeat. In & out of consciousness. I did not create this heart, mind, planet or beauty in it. I am NOT author of reality. This is not proper function of mind.
(7) Iron addict.
(5) dull. flat... temporary.
5(5) Nocturnal emission. As Im practicing abstinence & give no relief to body, energy levels are gen high, but I do feel build up of tension. When that happens, affects sleep & moods somewhat. #monksLife
(6) Bump me up a notch. Ready to rock this day!
(8) Won grant to teach programming & tech to inner city kids. sweet.
(7) Grateful.@peace. Summer planning. Close on home (hopefully). Trip to CA w/kids in June. Visit bff +Aug retreat in Mexico. 9 mo post divorce & thriving. Back on my feet, tho I never lost my footing.
6(6) A fragile 6. Sleep not optimum last few nights.
(4) Disgusted! I find her behavior morally repugnant & reprehensible!!! Note: I added 3 exclamation marks to underscore my disdain. Ill throw in an expletive for added emphasis- #/@$...
(4) Hello, Anger! Sorry I can't let you off leash. You're too dangerous. But I don't fault you for your zealous defense of family & virtue. For now, stand down. We will find another way together!
7(7) Up 12am-3am. Decided to stay home & work on emoticon art. (*0*)/[ ] Thats a self-portrait of me on my cellphone working on emoticon art which I've titled 'A self portrait of me on my cellphone w...
(8) After a long and super productive day creating emoticon art, Im taking a break. @GYM. 0--0| ( )~< ) |0--0 Thats a portrait of me lifting weights titled: 'A Portrait of me lifting weights.
(6) Packed. Need to catch flight out tomorrow after work earlier than planned. Cool with dat, cuz Im cool like dat, Im cool like dat, Im cool like dat. Im cool.
8(5) 4am wake-up. Symbolic dream. X brought dishonor & shame upon family. That wasnt the dream, but the interpretation. 1h meditation. Mind agitated. Heading off for retreat, but only true refuge is within
(6) Dont underestimate the cunning or strength of ego. If you're defending a thought system to the death or willing to kill just to preserve its semblance of authority, beware. Now... back rows.
(6) Baltimore. I think Ill spend the night at the airport... because Im cheap like dat.
9(7) Boarding flight to Costa Rica. May be there a day or two. Then Peru. May be offline.10(8) Enjoying layover in CR. Friendly people, beautiful women, lots of bustle & commerce. Went to Catholic Church. Surprised to see so many people in attendance. Central plaza filled w/people. Blending in.
(8) Love the hacienda style living here & the cultural norms on cleanliness in the home. Elevated cultural consciousness. Lots of healthy restaurants w/in walking distance. Enjoying hospitality & warmth
(7) A young man full of gang tats approached me and asked if I had time to talk. He was high. I thought he was going to beg.for change. So, Im like 'Sure. Whats up?'
(9) Falling in love with CR and havent even seen her incredible beaches, beautiful mountains or countryside. Chillin at vegan/vegetarian restaurant 1 block from hotel. Food is outstanding!
11(5) Cuzco, Peru. Enjoying a cup of Cocoa tea. It's supposed to help with altitude sickness. Thinking about X on flight over. Brought mood down. Mourning...pero en tierra de los incas.
(6) Noticed many police officers were women. I asked someone about this. He said women were recruited about 30 years ago because they couldn't be corrupted. I admired the women I saw-strong, proud...
12(7) The Peruvians have preserved much of their indigenous culture. Quecha, the language of the Incas, is still widely spoken & taught. Llama, puma, coca, poncho, quinoa are a few words of Quechan origin.
(8) Met some new friends. Spent the day getting to know one another, enjoying lunch, shopping.
13(8) During meditation, I had the thought to buy a motorcycle and tour the Americas from Canada to Chile. My Soul said, 'Yes!' My Inner Guru said, 'OK. Now let go of thinking and focus on your breath.'
(9) Bought gifts for the family. The retreat starts today. All day fast before ayahuasca.
14No Reasons15(10) The retreat was intense and transformative!16(10) A beautiful older man garbed in traditional Peruvian dress greeted me. He was a musician and we played music together . I play percussion & flute so was able to accompany him. Unforgettable experience17(8) During retreat I experienced something like a life review. Able to purge much of the bitterness that was in my heart. Surrendered ego to spirit. Emailed xwife apology. Feel weight lifted. @peace18(7) Flying home today. Found video of the musician I ran into on the streets of Cuzco: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdsUp31fdbc
(7) Boarding plane for home. Looking forward to seeing my children & family! Toying with road trip to Florida Tue. Think they'd like that. Would be last min surprise, but who doesn't like surprises?
(8) Think Im going to take my kids to Disney World in FL, stopping in NJ, SC, NY to see family.
19(8) Excellent night's sleep. Saw X yesterday. My letter must've landed. She gave me a long hug. Tears in her eyes. It was the right thing to do.
(8) Prepared delicious & healthy breakfast for fam: donuts, soda, cake. Kidding. Homemade potatoes seasoned w/tumeric, s&p, oregano, rosemary, onions&garlic, eggs, tortillas+salsa, mango pineapple.Yum!
20No Reasons21(9) In New Jersey with children & beloved aunt. Got a call from chief of police. Asked me if I'd be willing to train teachers district wide in mindfulness. YES!22No Reasons23(7) Children's Museum. Admission: $32. DisneyWorld: Admission $500 + lodging, transportation & food $600. Money saved $1,068. Will get boys robotics kits for birthday with money saved. Better investment24(7) Morning meditation: pranayana, anapana, shakti dharana, prayer, metta, Tibetan 9 step breathing + 5 tsa lung exercises. Healthy breakfast, calisthenics, run, qi gong to maintain gift of good health.
(8) The body is a temple. 'My legs are pillars; my body the shrine; my head a cupola of gold.' -Basava
(7) Painting Tibetan sacred symbol A on wall for meditation. Also wood burning fish on meditation bench I made a while ago with poem by Kabir: I laugh when I hear that the fish in the water is thirsty...
25(9) The Universe has been creating all that is visible and invisible for 13.7 BILLION years. We take stage for, what? 120 years at the extreme end of longevity? Yet the hubris of ego is such...
(7) 2 week vacation ends. It was as I hoped it would be. May take a few days in May to travel. Grateful for my life, friends & family. Now to cook something nutritious & delicious for this body I inhabit
26(5) Wishing X would leave me alone! I'm not an ATM machine!27(7) Wet dreams. Lust is an epiphenomenon of a biological need. Ogling at porn, masturbation, chasing women, etc are attempts to satisfy desire. But I've pursued liberation, overcoming the desires of flesh
(7) Preparing a delicious soup. Taking care of family. Sis had surgery today. Good health is a blessing. Please take care of yourselves. You have a purpose & are precious, unique, loved.
28(7) Observing. Is it all for the good of the Soul? Some say it is. Have had direct experience of this possibility. Still investigating. Even the suffering may serve to support the Soul on its journey.29(5) Poor night's sleep. Exasperated with X but owning this and framing it as a growth edge. Not sure how to approach this in a way that gets everyone's needs met, though.
(7) Hallway filled with the chattering of children's voices and... what's this? Chewbaca vocalizations. The day is unfolding beautifully.
(7) Checking acct nil, but bills paid. Retreat was well worth it! Acct replenished Mon. Kids laughing on car ride home. Dysentery this & dysentery that or as 4 yr old says, dysentewy. They made a game.
30(9) Creating edible art. Latin/Indian fusion. Potato, egg, spinach, bean samosa. Finicky kids devoured them. Enjoyed inspiring TEDx talk by Janine Shepherd. Teary. Will finish engraving meditation bench.
(8) The sound of my daughter laughing. SO beautiful. Sons washing off mustaches they painted on their faces with permanent marker. Ahh, the simple joys of fatherhood.
(8) Two hour nap. YUM. Got letter from health services. Thought health insurance was canceled. Misread. Grateful to have my coverage... Wait? Did my 7yo just call his brother an @$$hole?
31No Reasons
April
MTWTFSS
      1(7) Meditation. Conga drumming. Guaguanco y poesia. Good books. Exercise. Going to check out a class on making stained glass as I plan to turn this house into a work of art. Planning to buy CBC router +
(7) Writing. Missed class, but content all the same. 20min meditation before I continue with the day's activities.
(8) A peaceful day. Happy. Love in my heart for all beings. May we realize the Truth and Light within.
2(6) Tired. Poor night's sleep. Ingesting Vit B before bed wasn't a good idea. Busy day ahead, but centered... and thats good. Meditation breaks throughout day to manage energy.
(7) Tired, but content. Teaching programming to inner city kids after work. Still remember standing in long lines for the only meal I'd eat that day. Grateful for the kindness & compassion of strangers.
3(7) Another night of sub-optimal sleep. Mitigating w/ meditation, tCDS. Reading Power VS Force by D Hawkins. His Map of Consciousness provides useful framework for self-improvement.
(5) X. Very challenging to keep negative thoughts & feelings from reasserting themselves, but determined to look past illusions to see the Light that is in her. Stuck atm, however!
(5) Challenging moments. Being tired and mildly stressed makes it slightly more difficult. Recognizing that I am not at my best helps somewhat. In a sense makes the ascent more rewarding.
(6) Pedrito Martinez is a beast. Would love to see him and Cory Henry perform some fusion. Would be sick!
4(7) Another sub-optimal night's sleep. Up later than usual reading & listening to music. Up late... again. But feeling buoyant. Supplements, a good breakfast, midday meditations, exercise to stay grounded
(7) S transitioned this morning. As I see death as a homecoming, I rejoice. However, I know her loved ones are suffering and I extend my sincerest condolences, while keeping my beliefs private.
5(6) Childhood friend diagnosed w/stage 4 terminal cancer. Had an open, honest conversation on death & dying. I invited him to stay w/us. He was grateful, but declined. He has support & is getting treatmnt6(8) Truth talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mcY9rBZpow I love this man. Not a good idea to listen in my office. Tears fall as colleagues enter my office. hehe.
(8) Why acquiesce to who you were taught to be when you can claim who you truly are?
7(8) Music. Cooking. Healthy. Happy.
(7) Playing chess w/ daughter (4). Well, sort of. Knights are dolphins and pawns are babies. Her pieces move wherever they want. She's an unconventional player and I haven't defeated her yet.
8(8) The 'I am' dances within. The Mystery is alive in you, in me. It connects us to the All-That-is. While I go about my chores and prepare breakfast, the Light, the 'I am that I am' goes with me.
(8) Meditation. Rested in my secret abode. At peace. Cooked a delicious meal- lentils, papadums, papaya for dessert, cinnamon tea. The simple things. Chores complete. Exercised. Good book. Now music.
9(7) Waking up late. Missing hour morning meditation, but 10 minute meditation breaks throughout the day are just as good.
(5) Frustrated, but not as bothered by her actions as I was. She was late picking up children. I said I would keep them w/me. Thanks, she says. Then arranges to have her bf pick up kids @my workplace.
10(6) Elevating conflict to love plane.
(5) Spirit undisturbed, but mind disquieted.
(6) Conference in Boston. Aruba this weekend maybe...
(7) Flight booked. Grateful. Blessed.
11(7) Meditation nap after conference. A meditation nap is when you sit to meditate but drift off to sleep. Refreshed. Now gym. Vigorous exercise improves sense of well being.12(7) Looking fwd to day ahead, working with children, sharing subjects I am passionate about, packing for trip tomorrow.
(5) Flat.
(8) Meditation at lunch arrested the descent. Could hear myself snoring from my refuge far away. Rest of day in service. Giving. Got surprise gifts in return.
13(8) Off to Aruba for a few days. No reservations or itinerary. Sleeping outdoors unless offered shelter. No camping gear. Possibly fasting unless offered food. This is how my hero, Peace Pilgrim, walked.14(7) Tried to rest on beach, but mosquitoes swarmed. Found hostel. Breakfast. Filled with admiration & respect for Peace Pilgrim: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CAsjZqYPME&t=2738s15(7) With bag full of fruits, nuts, and a few veggies, I walked. Came upon a man resting on a cardboard box. I thought I would be the one walking until given shelter and fasting until given food...
16(6) Heard N took his life. Angered with his decision, yet embracing him & his family w/compassion. Love shape shifts & assumes a fierce aspect. The anger comes from a caring place then softens to lament.17(5) Back to work. Next big item on to-do-list is close on the house. Need to initiate process this week, pay off debts before applying for mortgage, minor repairs on car, and if year report due soon.
(6) Tired, but retry was smooth. Meditation every few hours to keep me on point.
(8) Drumming. Practice for poetry reading tomorrow. Guaguanco on three congas.
18(8) Music and poetry. That was fun!
(6) Replaced struts and bearings. Goodbye money. Hehe. Sister going on disability, X wanting to change children's last names, tired... but tulips are blossoming, sun is shining, good weather for a run.
(7) outside turbulence, inside quietness & confidence. The Creator of Worlds gives you breath. Youre one with All-That-Is. The addict, the convict, the woman invested in sadness all aspects of the divine.
19(7) She descends into littleness & suffers anguish of the Soul. Her Inner Guide points her toward Light, but she is invested in darkness. The intensity of her suffering is proportional to her investment.
(6) Three years ago, I would've been bothered by recent events. That I am not is a reason to celebrate the growth I've experienced these last few years.
(4) X put my dog to sleep. I wanted to take him home to die naturally. She got angry. I told her I didn't appreciate her keeping my dogs from me during separation & divorce. She threatened to call cops.
(5) Self-compassion. An oh well moment, a bit of reflection and thoughts of good will for the x and her bf (ok. That's a stretch, but trying. I need to stretch, improve flexibility anyway).
20(3) Killed a turkey on my drive to work. Bad omen. Upside: no front end damage. :)
(5) colleague helped me solder wire to a motor. Simple pleasures. Love of learning. Bummed about yesterday tho. Would like to resolve conflict sooner than later.
(5) Still ugh-ish... ok with that, though. It will pass.
21(6) New day. New start. The empathy of my friends.
(7) Teaching the 9yo Processing. Python w/his brother. qt w/kids. Gifts from Peru for neighbors. Dal for dinner. Family loved it. Experimental idm. Ideas for live coding.
22(4) sad. Colors & informs all I see. Took kids to birthday party held@ arcade. Mini Vegas for kids. Start gambling addiction early. Junk food. Ugh. Took kids to church, but doctrine was intolerant. Ugh.
(5) Nap, then hour-long meditation. Not pushing this despair away. It is for the good. I see my attachments. Not completely willing to let go, but knowing that peace is just beyond this anguish.
23(6) Challenges. Approaching outer edges of ego & of fear... and this is a good thing. Aware of what was unconscious. Day ends working w/kids @ Boys & Girls Club who appreciate gifts I have to give.24(6) sister on medical leave. No longer contributing to the household expenses. Little self is worried, but Inner Guide is unperturbed & sees opportunities. Ls trusts IG. Good night's sleep+meditation.25(5) Goal is not to improve the little Self, but knowledge and expression of the true Self, the 'I am' that illuminates this clay.
(7) The temporary respite that ego offers in the form of self-esteem, self-improvement, accomplishment, status, etc. pales in comparison to the rest Spirit gives.
(6) Eating lots raw vegetables 2017/18, not only to maintain health, but b/c it's easier than cooking or preparing meals. I've gotten used to it & prefer snacking on raw veggies. Glad I made that choice.
(6) My music is my therapy. Feels so good to play and be free to improvise in that space.
26(6) 'Behind all faces, there is one face.' The tulips are in full bloom. Who transformed my lawn into a canvas of color? The source of the energy from which you and I were seeded.
(2) Disappointed!
27(5) The sun rises on saint and sinner, pauper and prince. No judgment, no need to prove one's worthiness or deservedness. It shines. I turn to face my own inner light and orbit her. She gives me life.
(6) Happy for the people of Korea.
(6) Daffodils. Magnolia tree flowering. The kiss of the sun. A child hands me a lovely flower with what look like tiny bells on the stem. Hugs for my children. The air filled with bird songs.
28(8) A good night's sleep followed by a good meditation followed by a quiet peace and dissolution of self. Now a little music, a trip to the gym, cooking, writing. A day of calm & engagement.
(7) Stubborn little self seeks 2 justify its judgments & ignorance. References the past, reclaiming lower vibrations of anger & fear to preserve an identity based in lies & the illusion of separateness.
(6) Sometimes pain surfaces to be seen and healed. We can embrace the needs with compassion without agreeing to align with the darkness that would call us to it. Gym time.
29(6) This man can cook. Getting down in the kitchen.
(6) Investing in ego as something that has to go plus still an investment in ego.
(5) Church. Trying to find a spiritual home for my kids. Minister lost me when he said transcendental meditation was of the devil. I did like the blowing of the shofar, tho. Gym. Writing.
30(5) The transition hasn't been easy. Hard to let go. Yet celebrating the awareness. Welcoming all experience is part of the lesson here, but some I would rather do without. Not giving little self an out.
(5) This struggle very good for my soul, but it's hard for my little self. The guides are helping me. They are gentle, but insistent. This work must be done. I can clearly see the workings of ego.
May
MTWTFSS
 1(7) Gym. Core. 330 wake up last two days. I prefer mornings. Air redolent with song. Full moon over trees in bloom.
(6) Daughter hands me a yellow daffodil. Holding perfection in the 5 petals of my hand. The power that crafted one formed the other. Daughter runs off to chase a wild rabbit.
2(7) Grateful. Quiet morning. Live coding a musical performance later today.
(6) Applying for mortgage. I don't enjoy this process at all, but it must be done. Performance went well.
(6) Groceries. Preparing homemade Mac & cheese for kids and falafel, tahini from scratch. I enjoy eating well. Sad to see the garbage people put in their grocery carts, tho.
3(7) Gastric-orgastic dinner! I feel like one of those food snobs I used to want to punch in the face.4(7) Feeling grateful and somewhat relieved. I had financial concerns, but 2 opportunities presented themselves today that are aligned with my purpose. So, I make the money I need w/o compromising values.
(8) DIY auto maintenance. Saved $40.
5(7) Songbirds trill outside my window during meditation. Each breath is embellished with song. It delights my soul. Making Tunisian Chakchouka for breakfast, tea & honey. Friends later. Gym.
(9) Friend and colleague came through for me to help my dyslexic son keep his gains this summer. SO so grateful!!!
(7) Pulled into gym parking lot. Tired. Meditated. Fell asleep. Delicious. Decided to go for run instead. Hit local track. Haven't run a track in years. Brought back happy memories. Plus sun shiney day.
6(5) Ahh'ight. Just want to get this sale over with. I'm just not invested at all in the American Dream. It's more a delusion. I'd rather have my attention & effort directed on disciplining the mind.
(6) In the kitchen listening to TED talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/martin_seligman_on_the_state_of_psychology
(7) Sitting. Writing.
7(7) Observing student slide down path to failure. He's est habits (a learned helplessness) which extends to sports & academics. Mother enables. Low frustration tolerance.8(7) There is more magic, truth, wonder and beauty to this seemingly mundane moment than the little self with its puny ego can comprehend. Can't fit the ocean into a thimble. The intellect is just that...9(7) Deconstructing what I think I know, moving beyond what is known. You see a tree. You 'know' it by the name it was given. But what do we really know? The landscape is filled w/things named by others.
(5) Money. Stressed. Blah. Buy and sell maybe. It'll be ok.
(5) Found out sister's soon to be ex husband, the minister, was having sex with... get this- his daughter in law, his son's wife. Wow! My poor nephew, poor sis, poor fam. :(
10(7) Sila is Virtue or Morality in Pali. Buddhists stress this for good reason. One cannot attain happiness w/o Sila. Takes discipline & strong resolve to root out defilements: lust, anger, delusion, et al
(8) The cherry tree in bloom delights my soul. Taking inventory of small pleasures to remind me of the goodness and beauty that envelops me.
(4) Tuition increase. Financial squeeze. Drop kids off w/X. Dog at door. May I say Hi? I ask. Maybe some other time. What a mean spirited woman.
(7) Sitting with distress. Transforming it. Writing.
11(5) Flat and blah, but it's nudging me in the right direction.12(4) Sad atm. I'm working for others, providing for family. Need to keep their well being in my heart. This inspires me & gives me strength. But, I need to make changes to sustain this. Patience, my Soul.13(7) Facilitated meditation. Calm. Prepping lunch for children, mom & sister. Happy Mother's Day. Gym after I drop off children, then writing. My Soul dances and little self joins in.
(7) 45 min reboot. Now gym.
14(3) Sad. It will pass, but for now, it is needing my attention. Deep spiritual longing. The thirst that only Spirit can quench.15(7) Hope and Optimism return and assume their seats at the table.
(7) Oldest son motivating brother & attending to younger sister. Enjoyed witnessing that. Expressed joy. Beautiful sunset. Landscape was filtered in sepia tone. Alpine glow as sun set behind purple clouds
16(7) Reviewing & renewing mindfulness vows. 1h meditation. Preparing breakfast (cooking is becoming an obsession). Tech conference on music today. Hope to be inspired & walk away with ideas to implement.
(7) Tech conference was disappointing, but validating in a way because we're doing more than what expert had to share. Plus, I get the rest of the day off. HIIT, core, run, meditate some more, write.
(8) Music. Afro-Cuban, jazz, electronica fusion. Run. Roadwork. Then back to creating music. Reggae.
17(6) Stressed, but feeling resilient and competent enough to manage the challenges in the weeks/months ahead.
(7) Facilitating 6w course on science of well-being. Son was watching supplementary videos. Hope he adopts those habits that contribute to a more fulfilled life.
18(7) A possible win-win solution.
(7) Did first set of 100 push-ups, a first since surgery back in Oct. Getting back to strength. Body is out of alignment. Need to do more yoga and core, but celebrating progress.
19(6) Going to sports bar with my old Army buddies to watch the royal wedding. I am so excited and so making this up.
(3) Stressed & irritable. Sister's moving out because her job doesnt accommodate her disability. Won't be able to afford mortgage. Should I pull out now or rent out rooms? Kids quarreling.
20(8) Facilitated course on science of well-being. Very rewarding. Met my needs for contribution, connection, learning and sharing what was learned.
(7) Met with friend who has the business acumen & experience I needed to make a decision. 'Head into the storm.' Needed to hear that. Batten down the hatches. Rough seas ahead, but will weather the storm
21(7) Mon morning rehearsal w/2 musicians for upcoming jazz/blues performance. Beautiful way to kick off the week. May be quite a bit of turbulence & adjustments in months ahead. Savoring these moments
(7) Taught programming @ Boys&Girls Club. Rewarding. Life situation SUCKS atm, but I have so many positive experiences throughout the day like this & am intentional in action. Circumstances will change.
22(7) Writing. Set the intention this morning to serve, to be kind, to water my social connections, to practice gratitude. Finding opportunities throughout the day. Contributes to my sense of well-being.
(7) Tired, but good spirits. Extra money to pay off 2 of 5 remaining liabilities.
(8) Killing it in the kitchen. Taking no prisoners. Hehe. Warrior chef. Papadums and mansoor dal, homemade pasta sauce & spaghetti, knishes. Going international. Family is loving it. Pleased.
(7) If researchers found that drinking a liter of cat piss improved ones mood & health, I'd drink it. This is how committed I am to my well-being. Fortunately, the recommendations are not extreme.
23(7) Heading into the storm. Gulp. But hopeful. Smile on my face as I face my fears. Bearing straight for the storm anyway. Trimming my sails. Concert this morning was fun. Rehearsal 4 another performance
(5) X being unreasonable. I dont think she is well. Choose to be patient and compassionate Be kind, seek to understand, little self.
24(6) A good night's sleep. A good breakfast. I'll keep finding and adding goodness to this day.
(7) An orchid greets me as I open the front door on my way to the car. 'Good morning!' It is stunning. I stop to appreciate the beauty standing just outside my door.
25(7) A good day. Inside is a fountain of living water. Several times a day, I stop to quench my thirst.26(7) Solid meditation practice, then nap. I needed both to rest the mind. Now breakfast.
(8) Put offer on a duplex. Applying for VA loan as well to secure best terms. If this goes through, home will be an asset. Can rent unit and possibly room to cut housing expenses to near 0, then invest
(8) How do you eat an elephant? A bite @ a time. Time to purge. Neighbor collects scrap metal. Perfect. Discarding just enough to fill his bed. He makes money helping me clear out garage. Win-win!
(8) A good day. Productive. Progress on all fronts. Looking forward to a good night's sleep & another blessed day. Breakfast with N. Lunch with M. Gym, music, writing, reading.
27(8) Sometimes we express as anger, confusion, guilt, sadness. We can take the so-called ugliness we feel is lying beneath the surface, the sense of unworthiness, of separation, of isolation or darkness...
(9) Met N for breakfast. Intention was just to talk and see where I could support her vision. Wasn't expecting to get knocked over the head, but my heart said, Ahhhhh! My soul mate.
(9) Seller accepted offer. Assumes closing costs. If I can secure a VA loan, Ill be golden. Grateful for blessings. Glad I took the risk, tacking straight toward the storm. But I've learned how to sail
28(7) Most of our concerns, problems, sufferings & distresses are variations on the theme of longing, the deep desire to experience the truth of who we are. We seek this peace outside of ourselves-coveting
(8) Mind in a deep state of rest after meditation. Busy day ahead.
(5) Completed chores, worked out, studied, meditated, going to see friends. Tired though. 45 min drive. Hour long rehearsal.
(8) Rehearsal went well. felt good to create with such talented musicians.
(6) X threatens to take me to court. Then I backed into friends suv, dented my car & scratched theirs. Offered to pay for damages. The gods of mischief are having fun with me. All I can do is smile &smh.
29(7) Slept well. Used little self as the focus of my meditation. Deconstructed storyline into noise, used mood state for color & looked @ attachment as an artifact from this detached perspective.30(7) If we make an enemy of our pain, anger, et al and push them out of awareness, they will not disappear. Resistance intensifies them, making them seem real. Resistance=investment. Acknowledge the pain.31(7) discussed difference bet pleasure & happiness w/my kids. 2 different neurotrasmitters: dopamine & serotonin. D is excitatory. S is more stable. Sugar, tech, drugs, etc are stimulating. quick Dopa hit.
(7) High 7s last few days. Accepting whatever arises- working with it. To hide or suppress emotions causes them to linger. Better to feel & let go. Thought creates pain. Ego is the guide to darkness.
June
MTWTFSS
    1(8) Years of contemplation & spiritual discipline bearing good fruit. Higher frequency of positive thoughts manifest spontaneously in mental continuum. Positive qualities like gratitude & compassion2(7) If I were (insert wish, e.g. wealthy, spiritual, worthy, in a different relationship) then I would be saved from this pain. Are we willing to turn away from this path to nowhere and turn within?3(9) Session 2. Rewirements: 1. for nxt 7 days, do several small acts of kindness, 2. nurture social connections. Research suggests these simple practices enhance sense of well being. Spent a.m. connecting
4(7) When I take an experience interpreted by ego as sadness, anger, stress, etc & strip it of words, when I remove the accompanying story ego has attached to it & put it in the hands of my Inner Guide
(6) Challenges w/X, but stopped to meditate periodically just for clarity. That kept me level. Now going to make a contribution to the lives of kids.
5(7) That you suffer may not be as bad as you've judged it to be. If you embrace it, considering the miseries, concerns & banalities of this worldly existence, youll have the resolve to liberate you Self.
(4) Conflict w/X. Not sure how to proceed. Will consult w/mentor. Ego wants to attack & defend. Wouldnt be constructive. Sat to meditate. Will need more time to arrive @ clarity from which to act.
(5) Ascending. Meditation helped. Zoned out. I like those. Cooked. Missing ingredients, but kids asked for 2nds & 3rds. Had boys meditate w/me for 3m. Want them to establish habit while young.
6(7) Increasingly disnterested in the world, it's pleasures & the sufferings that grow out of attachment to them. But there is much yet to purge. I cling to intangibles- values, experiences, ego. subtler.
(3) Argument w/X. I was so triggered, but had the sense to stop and remove myself.
(7) Quick recovery. Celebrating resilience. Benched 185, far from max, but it's 185 more than I could lift 6 mo ago. All temporary anyway. Youth & strength wane. Exercised spirit. Engaging ppl Uplifting.
7(5) Woke @ midnight. Mind agitated. Meditated for an hour. Ingested mg + melatonin supplements, but compassion & loving kindness for myself & X may be better antidote for this perturbation of mind.
(5) Rough day. Best part: speaking truth @ mtg. Challenges: x.
8(7) Slept well. 1h meditation. Cycling 16m to work. Jeff could run that; I need wheels. Shout out to Jeff.
(8) Sunshine. Good commute. Stopped by the shore to appreciate the sea and wonder at the interdependence, order and beauty in nature... and in me. Took a sip of energy drink. Mindful of aliveness. This
(7) X came to pick up kids. We argued. lol. It's a dance. She steps on my toes & pushes my buttons. I get triggered & react. Then I meditated. Worked w/2 teens. Felt good. Ready for 16m ride home+sun.
9(6) Hoping X gets hit by a meteor- not a big one, not a full on strike (that would be mean), just a bowling ball sized meteor that hits her at a 45 degree angle and slices off her legs. She falls hard
(8) On the piano for last 6 hours. Inspired. Got to eat though and prepare meals for tomorrow's potluck.
(9) Want to buy house already & get back on my feet. May get housing expenses close to $0. Want to invest in synth, cnc router & laser cutter to build $h!t. Exciting year ahead!
10(6) A good day overall, averages to a 6. Enjoyed morning's session & time w/N. Gym. Music. Writing. Worst part of day was dealing w/X. Struggling to expunge hatred from my heart.
11No Reasons12(8) Grateful for my life with all of its problems, challenges, frustrations and setbacks. The mind is like a well trained war horse. I mount and gallop into the conflict where the gods thunder and roar.13(7) Upstate NY with family. Went for a run Jeff style- in the rain.
(7) Meditation + nap. Feel relaxed and rested. Calm.
(7) Hiking Appalachian trail with kids. Met thru hikers. Burritos for dinner. Off to creamery for ice cream. Nxt wk off. Either driving cross country, travel to Cuba, long paddle or bike ride. #adventure
14(8) 3am wake up. 1h meditation. Mind alert, calm. Concentration stronger. Exploration continues. Even in this state, attention is relaxed and focused. Witnessing moment by moment unfolding.
(8) I take comfort knowing that sages throughout time have wrestled w/ego. In the Bhagavad-Gita, Arjuna says: 'The mind is restless & unsteady...to subdue it is more difficult than controlling the wind.'
(7) Canoeing, hiking, then beach w/fam. Mind remains calm. It waits to be trained. Desire is a function of the mind. Desire peace, liberation. The unbridled mind is like a wild horse, dangerous to ride.
15(5) Hard on my oldest son. Was very rough with him. Ugh. There are more effective ways to discipline and correct.16(7) We reify and deify thoughts & emotions. False idols. Give them no importance. Something greater gives you breath. Something beautiful dances within.
(8) My youngest son, 7, saw neighbor struggling to mow her lawn. He asked to help. What a lovely Father's Day gift- a child who cares about others and doesn't hesitate to lend a hand. We worked together.
17(6) Happy Father's Day to all dads. May you remain strong and be the rock for your family, the Light in darkness, the shepherd. Wishing you all wisdom and peace.
(8) Sending love to all my bros. Taking care of business. Sun is shining. All is well.
(5) Long road trip tomorrow. Passing thru Albany, Syracuse, Rochester, Buffalo, Cleveland, Chicago, Des Moines, Omaha, Denver, Utah, NV. Any pandas along that route?
18(9) The journey begins. Driving across the US. Fasting. Camping outdoors.
(8) Stopped at cousin's house. Hoping to stay with friends in Chicago tomorrow. Time for bed.
19(5) NY to Illinois. Driving all day. Stopped for speeding. hehe. Tired. Pulled into a rest area. Will rest in bivvy sack.20(6) Lost bivvy sack. Boo. Must've fallen out of car when I opened passenger door to retrieve transponder. Stopped @REI; bought tent for this evening. Morning meditation & yoga helped mood. Stopping 2rest.21(9) Covered 1,000 miles. Colorado. Set up camp under 3 giant pines who stand sentinel over me tonight. A comet streaks across the night sky.
(7) Pretty special day. Met an older woman @ rest stop. she was in her 70s. She was hitchhiking across the country. Had a terminal illness and wanted to travel. I told her I'd take her to Junction.
22(8) Deep, restorative sleep. Woke to the songs of birds, gentle breeze wafts through tent mesh. Sitting to meditate. Mind busy. I can hear the hum from the river of vehicles streaming the I-15.
(9) Las Vegas. Dropped off car. Sister is treating me to dinner. Staying with a friend.
23(8) Home. Prepared tomorrow's lesson. Looking forward to the session.24No Reasons
25(7) Whatever is here needs to be here- whether sadness, anger, fear, disgust, joy, etc. Honor the guest. Don't argue, fight, or force it out. The feeling needs to be here & we need it to be here...
(6) X is pressing an issue, but this time, I'm assuming responsibility for my judgments and the cost my interpretations might have on my peace of mind. So, Im choosing my response much more judiciously.
26(5) Flat despite this being a good day. Didn't sleep well last night which dampened mood state. But got to exercise, meditate, nap, contribute, make music and spend time w/my boys. Subdued but good.27(7) Intensive study on stages of meditation in Mahamudra tradition. Very detailed exposition on stages. Fans desire to train even more intensely & intelligently. I realize how much I have yet to attain.28No Reasons29(6) Our struggles w/the exiled, rejected, unloved and unwanted aspects of ourselves affirm feelings of unworthiness & separation. Our insistence we do battle w/them keeps them firmly entrenched.
(7) Camping out with boys near beach.
30(5) Poor sleep. Boys woke up bickering. But the trill of the stream, the calls of the birds and the calm of the sea temper my irritation. Two herons wade by the shore. Now the boys explore together.
July
MTWTFSS
      1(7) Quiet contentment and gratitude for gifts many ignore or take for granted... until they're gone- like sight, hearing, health, the ability to move.
(1) ***ing pissed and upset with myself for lashing out on my kids! I'm upset with them for the very behaviors I'm modeling. Plus another speeding ticket. Anger masks helplessness, remorse, sadness...
2(5) Struggling... for a great cause.3(5) 430 wake up. Going to lead a class @ gym which should improve mood. A meditation and nap will also help. Going through a transition. Somewhat stressful. kleshas surfacing, which need attending
(3) It's been over a year since the divorce, but still bitter, resentful, angry. Betrayal.
4(6) Preparing delicious meals, mind somewhat pliable during meditation, a day off. Heading to gym to workout, then music and 3D modeling custom parts for my kayak.
(7) High intensity, functional workout. Plus got to connect with 2 gym buddies. we inspire and motivate each other. Bro-bonding. Coming out of doldrums. Riding this tailwind.
(7) Designed Maori inspired handle for bow of kayak & a tiki handle for port side. Will print tomorrow. May go kayaking this wkend. Tempted to paddle out to Naushon but need to train 1st. Made music.
5(7) 20m meditation. Trying to cut mental elaborations.16m (25.7k) cycle to work in 84ยบ heat (28.8C). Why doesn't the US convert to the metric system? Printing models. Teaching music/programming
(6) Tiki-inspired handle printed out beautifully. Printing out Maori styled handle for bow. Custom Polynesian themed kayak parts. Cycled home. Tired.
6(6) Slept poorly & fitfully. Mind agitated with lustful thoughts. Used this as an object of training. I open to the intensity, without reacting to the thoughts- holding the disquieted mind in awareness.
(7) Handle is a work of functional art. Creating brings me great joy. We are creative beings by nature. When I make something beautiful and functional, it delights the Soul.
(5) Tired.
(7) Hearing my daughters voice, seeing J & N, replacing handles on kayak with customized 3D parts.
7(8) Slept well after 3 restless nights of fitful sleep. Nocturnal emission. TMI, but explains lustful thoughts. Too much testosterone. I don't masturbate. The succubus tempts me while I sleep.
(7) Taking the path of morality, purifying body, mind, speech. This will take some work... and time, but I'm committed to this path and know it leads to greater peace.
(8) Prepared lecture for tomorrow's meditation session. It's a celebration of life and this amazing human body.
8(7) Kayaking. Paddled to shore. Sat under a tree to meditate for an hour. In 2005, Ram Bahadur Bomjon a 15 year old Nepali, was filmed meditating under a pipal tree for several days without food or water.
9(5) Setback. Lapse in vigilance. But determined and persistent...abd forgiving.10(7) Core workout, then met X & mediator. Hopeful we can resolve conflicts, disagreements and concerns compassionately and productively.11(7) Strong desire 2 tame mind. Determined to emancipate little Self from attachment. Retreat in Aug, but opportunity to train each moment, to remain in present, to practice gratitude & loving kindness.
(6) Cycling to work and back was both physical exercise and mental training. Meditation bell rang every 1-2 min. The bell served as a reminder to cut mental elaboration & return to the present. While mind
12(7) 1.5h meditation. Attempting longer sits to build endurance and patience for the work I have yet to do.
(9) School purchasing 10 heart rate variability sensors which I've been clamoring for since 2013. Going to design an introduction to neuroscience curriculum around it.
13(8) 1.5H meditation. Calm, centered. This supercomputer of a brain functions optimally after a reboot.14(7) My son celebrates his 8th birthday. Going to take him flying. Hope he enjoys the experience. Also going to open an investment acct for him-financial edu is 1 of best gifts I can give.15(6) Prepared delicious breakfast for fam. Love to cook. it's creative: taking ingredients to come up with something new. It's cultural. Exploring dishes from diff regions. It's communal. brings us 2gether
(6) Tenuous 6. Going to develop a website with my 10 year old for friend who started an NGO. I'll end up doing most of the work, but he'll have his first client and his first experience in business.
16(7) 1.5 h meditation. Insight into mind/body-body/mind synergy. 1.5 h bicycle ride. Application of insight.
(5) Tired physically. Mind is sluggish. Mood irritable. It's not personal. Body and mind crave rest. But I've got a 16 mile bicycle ride home in the heat. Sorry, body & mind. It's for the good.
(7) I want to get my kids one of these gunimals. The magical Uzicorn looks awesome: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkXeMoBPSDk
17(6) Took boys to thrift store to buy business attire for Thursdays mtg w/their first client. Spent $7.50 for shirts, ties and a pair of shoes for the youngest. Wow, dad. That's cheap. Yup, saved $70.18(8) Met w/chief of police. Putting together mindfulness program for schools & another program for cops. Then got email from friend on facilitating program for correctional officers. Doors opening.
(7) Watched documentary on life in the Himalayas. Beautiful. Stunning wildlife, wide open spaces, rugged wilderness. When program ended, news segment on school shooting. Sick culture.
19(8) Lots of possibilities. Will explore each. Where does this path go? Where does it end?
(3) irritable and sad
20(5) Gym. Good way to redirect restless energy. Transforming into focus. Mind experiencing turbulence. Conflict between parts.
(6) Introducing boys to ESG (Environmental, Social & Governance) investing. Funds exclude companies in alcohol, tobacco, weapons, fossil fuels, gambling, adult entertainment as well as companies whose...
(7) Planning retreat to Mexico in 2 weeks. Will see friend when I arrive at the capital. Closing on house in next two weeks. Need to move prior to trip. Intense 2 weeks ahead!
21(6) Conflict w/2 associates I recruited to facilitate mindfulness course @ 3 schools. Miscommunication and poor oversight on my part, but the learning & insights were invaluable. I respect the conflict
(7) Met with friends. Now just standing in sun, hearing crows caw and the rustle of trees swaying with the wind.
(5) Tired physically & mentally.
22(6) Meditation with a group. Had a new guy join us. He's been through alot: mother & wife died, unemployed for a year. Hope I could contribute to his well being.
(5) Second guessing decision to let N in on this project w/o proper vetting. Lesson learned. We have a deadline. She's wanting to talk about feelings & energy when focus should be on deliverables.
(7) Met with friend for lunch. Called another friend for advice. They helped me get much needed clarity.
23No Reasons24(6) Enjoying my children. Fourth attempt to lay off caffeine (coffee & tea). Learned that caff blocks adenosine receptors. Adenosine builds up and triggers sleepiness & body's natural cycle. Try again.25(7) Calm & centered after meditation. Didn't want to sit this morning. Shut up, mind. I sat anyway. Deep peace. A lot to do nxt few days: mtgs, projects, court filings, closing on home, moving, remodeling26(6) Lender came back with closing costs. $1,400 more than what I was expecting to pay. That got my hackles up. I'm not paying that! Somebody needs to fix this. Somebody did.
(8) Got my ticket to Mexico. Time for bed.
27(5) X and I met @ court to file an amendment we agreed upon. Then submitted docs for closing. I was reminded that the reason I'm in this predicament is her betrayal. I'm still paying for it...
(6) With my precious children. Stuffed shells for dinner. Called prospective tenant. I'll invite him to apply & see unit nxt week. Also want to get website up for client. Closing, moving, remodeling. Busy
28(5) 2am wake up. Mind preoccupied w/all the things I need to do. Stressful 7 days ahead, but I can only do as much as I can. Need to recruit help of others. By myself, I can't. With others, I can.
(6) Hyper productive, but made time for family and friends. Stopping to post. Back to work.
(7) Long productive day. Made breakfast for fam. Went to store to pick out flooring for unit. Mowed lawn. Prepared lunch for friend&fam. We discussed outline for upcoming project. Recruited associate.
29(7) 4yr old woke me up @ 3am. Decided to meditate for 1hr. Saw angry text from x, but I'm calm. Will reply with kindness & consideration. I want peace. To say this means nothing; to mean it is everything.
(9) Unexpected blessing. Asked to design tech program for inner city youth at Boys and Girls Club. 15k budget to design something extraordinary.
(7) Argument w/X, but I got a lot of truth out. She called me an @$$hole several times- which I took as a compliment. hehe.
(7) Clearing out friend's house. So much junk. He spent years collecting stuff he thought would make him happy. Its sitting on lawn nxt to a FREE sign. Simplify! The point of life is to know thy Self!
(8) Calm under pressure. On schedule. Feeling confident, strong, grateful, blessed.
30(7) 1h meditation. The weight of ego is not as oppressive as it once was. There is distance. Rays of truth dissolve the fog of self. Now onto the mundane must-dos this day brings.
(5) So tired, but content. Closed on house. Spent a few minutes with neighbors. I'm going to miss them. Good people! Friend offered to donate furniture. He has a warehouse. So blessed, humbled & grateful.
(7) The day was intense. Tomorrow will be as demanding. Now for a much needed rest!
31(6) There was an old Army tagline that describes my morning: 'We do more before 9 a.m. than most people do all day.' The hustle continues.
(7) Saved $600 on taxes. Unexpected blessing. That money will go to pay off debt... before I plunge into debt again.
(7) Exhausted. 4 friends helped me load a 26 foot truck. Tomorrow, I unload said truck. Best part of day was patrolling harbor on police boat w/sons & 2 officers. Boys got to pilot boat. Then we picked up
August
MTWTFSS
  1(7) Friends helped me unload. Emptied most of truck in 2h. They left. Then lift gate stopped working. Oh well. Brought truck in to get fixed. Calm. Still on schedule. Met several new neighbors. Nice folks
(7) A weary 7. In good spirits. Lots more to do yet, but the worst is now behind me!
(5) Very tired, but ok.
2(8) Hit the ground running. Strong work ethic balanced with high executive functioning to get things done on time. Bulldozing through my to do list. Priming mind w/positive thoughts to stay hyped.
(8) I rocked this day. Cleared out old place. Done! Pulled carpets in new home, exposing hardwood floors- which need light sanding+poly. Tomorrow finish living rm & boys' rm. Strip wallpaper, prep & prime
3(6) Poor sleep, body aches... but pleased all the same. A moment to rest. Plumber @ house doing work. Scheduled carpet installation. Rest of day to work on floors & strip wallpaper. Kids will help.4(5) 5 for yesterday (12-8PM). What I thought would b a small plumbing job turns out 2 b a big mess. Blocked sewer pipe. City & utility coming out M. But I'll be enroute to Mex. Upset to leave mom w/problm
(6) A 30 min meditation put me in a better space of clarity. Now, going to attack the things I must do.
5(8) Morning meditation. Grounded. Aligned with higher Self. Touched the divine spark within me that ignites all the living. Long day ahead. Then I will reward myself on retreat.
6(7) Layover in Atlanta. Gives me just enough time to wrap up projects before I disconnect and go offline for 10 days.
(7) About to board plane to Mexico. Will be offline for 2 weeks. Peace to all pandas.
7No Reasons8No Reasons9No Reasons10No Reasons11No Reasons12No Reasons
13No Reasons14No Reasons15No Reasons16No Reasons17No Reasons18No Reasons19(10) Heading home. What a wonderful experience. Met terrific people.
20(4) Physically tired. Sad. Readjustment. Likely short lived. A good night's rest would help. Should be restorative.21(8) Sitting on confidence. Resting in peace.22(6) Overwhelmed, but content-ish. I have my techniques and strategies. Scratching items off my to-do list. Patience, says my beautiful Soul.
(5) I love to travel. Transitioning back to routine can be challenging, tho. Spent 2 wks in Mexico meditating & getting to know interesting people. Home now. Spirit is restless. Wants to soar & be free.
23(7) Hard day's work, but time for family & friends, meditation & music. Lots of people interested in unit for rent. 3-4 showings per day. Apt should be ready by Tue. Hope to get it occupied by Sep 1.24(6) It's recommended that housing be no more than 30% of gross. What I'm asking may be too high for what people in this community can afford. Market dictates. I respect the game.25(5) Up late watching comedy. Not wise. Tired & behind schedule w/projects. Stressful days ahead. Better to be rested & strong. Not eating well nor exercising. Many items on to-do list. Reprioritizing now!
(6) Mid day meditation was rejuvenating. Finished painting room. Heading to gym before next project. This is a more balanced way to approach the busyness of the day.
26(6) Behind schedule on all my projects. dDon't like that, but I'm moving forward as best I can and as quickly as I can without compromising quality.
(5) Anger, but at gym to channel that energy and transform it into strength.
(6) A young family from Guatemala came to see apt. I liked their vibe. They had a beautiful 3 year old. Would have to lower rent for them to afford place. I may. Refinishing wood floors.
27(6) Poor night's sleep. Not enough sleep all wk. Usual transition after traveling. Takes body a few days. Too many projects. Setbacks & delays throw everything off. Temporary. Still, learning & grateful.
(7) Momentum. Used wrong compound to patch ceiling, but had to adopt a fuggit attitude & paint over it anyway. The ceiling has 'character' w/it's blemishes & imperfections. Subpar work, but gotta move.
(8) Spoke to CEO of an NPO that teaches mindfulness in schools. She was impressed with our program & wanted to sit down with me. Validates the work we're doing. Met with chief. Addressed his concerns.
(7) So many people have helped me on my path. Now I'm in a better position to help others on theirs. It's a very good feeling.
28(6) A fragile 6. Tired. Took on too much at once. Still, it's temporary and a worthwhile lesson all the same. Floor crew coming to install hardwood in entryway. Mtg w/ head this afternoon.
(8) Interviewed prospective tenants. Beautiful family. Learned they were undocumented. Called friend & director of immigrant assistance center to help get them on right track to citizenship.
29No Reasons30(5) Feel bad having to turn applicants away. Called immigration center to help prospective family get on path to citizenship. There is no viable path. Disappointed & sad. I've traveled to their country.31(7) Stressful situations, but Spirit rejoices and celebrates just being alive. Mind is strong. Health is good. More blessings for which to be grateful than troubles. Perspective.
(7) Hrdwood floors installed in entranceway. Electrician added outlets for w/d. Laundry rm ready. Called uni prof 2 recruit nursing students for research project. Nxt refinish parlor floors & contact
(8) Plumber replaced wax seal. An hour or 2 on keyboard. Lost track of time. Meditation before bed.
September
MTWTFSS
     1(9) I'm in a position to help others. Couldn't accommodate a prospective tenant, but letting him stay in apt. rent free for a month. Beats sleeping in a car.
(7) Sanding floor was a meditation of sorts-mindful, unhurried, attending to the mundane with care, focused on details, feeling everything- present with every breath & movement, returning attention to job
2(7) 7 is beginning to feel like default state. Thoughts of love, hope & optimism traffic the mental continuum. Afflicitive emotions are filtered through the sieve of compassion & are tenderly embraced.
3(6) Morning meditation to ground myself. Busy day & week ahead. Time to hammer away at the day's agenda.
(8) Plumbing issue not as bad as we thought. Had to tear ceiling down though. Needed to be replaced anyway. Going to frame wall, install door.
(8) Went to hardware store to buy door. Doors I liked cost $800-$2000. I'll build my own. Ceiling tiles were also expensive. I'll shiplap for less.
4(8) On top of things. 1st day of school. Several projects after work: website, mindfulness program, tech program, rehabbing duplex, consulting. But time for meditation, exercise, music, fam&friends.5No Reasons6No Reasons7No Reasons8(7) Decreasing time on tech.9No Reasons
10No Reasons11No Reasons12No Reasons13No Reasons14No Reasons15No Reasons16(8) Installed wood ceiling. Enrolled in beginner's electrician course. Submitting proposal for tech program which may be only 1 of its kind. Helped 2 families obtain free furniture. Life is good.
17No Reasons18(10) Jamming on a Roli Seaboard Block. Fun!19(8) Adding VR Goggles to list. Contacted vendors directly to lock in discounts. Over $20K in equipment for under 15. Coming in under budget plus secured top gear for underprivileged kids.20No Reasons21No Reasons22No Reasons23No Reasons
24No Reasons25No Reasons26No Reasons27No Reasons28No Reasons29No Reasons30No Reasons