5.1 avg
  1186 days
  12294 hugs
1(5) Resolutions in the new year: Be strong. Be present. Talk less and listen more. Focus more at work. Drink less. Not that different from last year's, but I'm ok with that. It's just another day.
(6) Today was a good day! Lazy morning, and then my annual run around the bay (13.5 miles in under 10F! Brrr...). Invited people to join me and had a group of 6. So much better than running alone!
2(6) Back to work. Tough to get up this morning so early. New project will be very stressful. Trying to keep it in perspective and not let them take advantage of me. Going to stay focused.3(5) Cops with assault rifles closed off road to radio station yesterday, so my radio show got cancelled. Didn't really mind. 5 miles on treadmill this morning. Dog got me up twice last night. Tired.4(5) Freakin' winter. Big storm. Going to be below 0F (-30 wind chill) next two days, and over 12' of snow. Stressed about getting to work and around. Blah.5(5) Bitter, dangerous cold (-20 to -30F wind chill) today and tomorrow. Snow makes it much worse, because salt won't work on the roads, and shoveling is horrid. Working at home this morning, but...
(5) Eat lunch early, brave the cold and blowing snow to drive super slowly on sketchy roads to get to work so I can do an interview...and it's rescheduled for Monday. Argh. Oh well, here now.
6(6) Far too cold to go outside today. Snowy, 4F (-20+ with windchill). Ran on the treadmill 6.5 miles (stopped out of boredom), undecorated and cleaned house, did laundry. Now beer and football this PM.7No Reasons
8(5) Not a bad Sunday. Today is warmer - over 30F for first time in 2 weeks. Anxiety kept me awake last night. Busy day/week at work for sure. Going to be a long week!9(5) Slushy, wet run last night, but nice to have temps above freezing. Feeling very anxious this week. I think it's the looming work. Plus dog giving me problems. And tired. Sigh.10(5) Tired this morning. Going to be a long, busy day. Ran on treadmill this morning instead of running in slush with people tonight. Sick of winter, and 2 feet of snow predicted this weekend. Ugh.11(4) Yesterday was difficult. No focus at work so got nothing done, which means work piles up. Craving sugar or going out for beer. Car issues. Dog got me up at 3 this morning. Tired and stressed.
(4) Unbelievable. 55 degrees (F) here today. A foot of snow expected tomorrow night. There goes my weekend running. And that means more terrible conditions for running next week. Tired of winter already!
12(6) Yesterday was better. Got stuff done at work. Took advantage of warm weather to run 7.5 miles in the rain. Snow is mostly gone, but a foot expected tonight. Beer/food thing tonight should be fun.13No Reasons14(5) Tons of snow yesterday made for a lazy inside day. Went out last night to see a 90s cover band. Was fun, but didn't stay long. Bit hungover this morning. No plans today, just football I guess.
15(4) Off work today, still got up early. Cold and sad. Melancholy, I guess. Lonely for sure. Trying to face the year more positively, but feel like I'm failing lately. Or just having to struggle more.16(5) I guess I'm ok today. Work is going to be stressful for sure this week. Not sure how to do everything...a lot is out of my hands. Radio show tonight. Dog's been behaving badly while I'm away. Sigh.17(5) Still so cold. Winter really affects my mood. Have to get outside more like last year, but it's so bitter cold. Hate living life hoping time passes quicker. Stressful, busy day at work today...
(4) Got stuck in a rabbit hole reading about loneliness and feeling lonely. So tired tonight. Craving comfort so drinking. Weak.
18(4) Big dip in mood last night lingers to this morning. Relentless cold and darkness makes everything harder, even sleeping and eating and dealing with the dog. Tired and sad.19(4) Ran in the cold last night with some good people. Felt pretty good about things, but then horrible night's sleep, dog got sick, bitter cold day - mood dipped again.20No Reasons21(6) Had a nice weekend D with parents. They helped me convert my extra room to office/treadmill room and it looks great. Ran some hard miles outside in slush/snow. Was a nice few days.
22(5) Ugh Monday. January is such a tough time. It's so long, and there's so little light. I hate wishing time away, but January and February feel like punishments or purgatory, just to endure.23(6) My parents bought me a new refrigerator. It arrived today. All big and shiny! They're sort of spending money now while they can see it enjoyed rather than waiting for when they die. Morbid but sweet!24(5) Bought my tickets to Florida in March, so now I have something to look forward to! Fighting a cold, though. I can feel it trying to latch on. Sometimes the 'getting sick' is worse than being sick. :/25(5) Sore throat tells me I'm still fighting something. Everyone at work is or was sick, so it's inevitable. Super cold again today, but have to run outside tonight. Warmer for weekend.26(6) Feeling pretty good physically. Sore throat isn't bothering me, and legs feel good despite 7.5-mile run last night. It's Friday, and I have things to do this weekend. Hope my panda friends are well!27No Reasons28No Reasons
29(5) Nice weather this weekend. Less cold and sunny. Got some good trail running in (lots of mud and ice). Went to the party Saturday, and it was ok. Nice to be around people, I guess. This week will...30(5) Felt crummy yesterday. Achy, a little nauseous. Didn't want to do group run last night. Ended up running and felt amazing. Thankful for what running can do for me...31(4) Lungs bothering me after running. Still fighting a cold or flu bug or something. Beautiful huge moon this morning. But soooo cold out! I'm so tired of winter, and so much left to endure! Stressed...
   1(3) Woke up from sound sleep and dreams to my alarm. Jarring. Felt nauseous this morning, so didn't run. Guilt over that now. Still don't feel good, and very long day of training ahead. Ugh.2(5) Yesterday was rough. Didn't feel good all day. Was dressed to go run and decided to stay home. Went to bed super early. Feel better today, though stomach still a bit off. Blah.
(4) This has been a long week. I think I'm fighting the flu or something. Gave in to craving for sugar and ate cupcakes. Feeling low. Probably will have to work this weekend. No plans. Sigh.
3(5) Ran 9 trail miles today, and really felt weak after fighting this bug all week. Tired now... Don't want to brave store but need groceries for dinner and superbowl tomorrow. Feeling a little lonely.4(5) Just two or three people coming over to watch the Superbowl today. I made chili with bacon, and it is pretty good! Of course, done too early. Stomach is a bit off. Stressed over work this coming week.
5(5) Yep, morning after Super Bowl. Feeling bloated and off after too much food and beer, and exhausted after too little sleep. Plus work stress. Next 4 weeks will be very difficult. And it's so cold! :(6(5) Work stress...too much to do, too many unrealistic expectations. Going to be a long day...
(5) Ugh. Work is just getting stupid. Just have to make it through February...worst month of the year. Jaw hurts from clenching it. So tired! Doing my radio show...just want to sleep.
7(5) Tired this morning. Still. Less and less time to do the work that needs to be done. Supposed to snow all day...going to be a hard drive home. And will make outdoor running miserable again. Blah.8(4) So much snow and cold! Gave in and went out for beer and dinner yesterday instead of cooking healthy. Dog was sick this morning (probably from eating too much rawhide). Great start. Ugh.9(5) Ran hills on trails in the snow and cold last night with good people. Beer and nachos after. Was a lot of fun! Tired this morning, and a ton to do, plus prob have to work this weekend. Ah well...10(5) More snow last night. Wanted to go out and run, but ran on the treadmill instead. It's barely noon, and I'm bored and sad and lonely. I should work; I have tons to do and brought computer home. Ugh.11(5) Was going to run with my old running partners, but they didn't really want me there. So went to do trails by myself, and ran into other nice people to run with. 9 hard, cold miles through the snow.
12(4) Ugh, hungover. Stupid me, I knew I didn't want that last beer last night. Feel really crappy and at work. So tired too. I hate that I do this to myself. Going to be a long, hard day.
(5) Finally feeling better and able to eat (and drink coffee...blessed caffeine). Can focus on work again. Shame I wasted several hours. Could have been worse I guess. I've had worse hangovers...:(
13(5) Feeling much better today than yesterday. No one showed up to my group run last night, so I ran alone. It was very icy! Work is going to be very stressful these last few weeks of Feb. Ugh! Hate stress14(4) Valentine's Day is a stupid, made-up holiday to get people to spend an inordinate amount of money to quantify how much they care. I wear black and go home alone. So just another day then...15(5) Little break in winter weather, which is nice. Went out and had a few beers and a pizza last night. Feeling very anxious, though. Probably caused by work stress.16(6) Was so tired and not feeling well last night, but went out to run hill repeats with a few people, and so glad I did. Felt much better after! (Few beers and food after helped.) Feeling ok today!17(6) 18 miles on icy trails in the cold with a few friends. Was so hard and tiring, One long hill kicked my butt! But so much fun. Brewery stop after helped. Now quiet evening and early to bed.18No Reasons
19(6) Day off. Ran a 10k on the trails, now working. Going to be a very stressful week. But feeling pretty good right now, so I'll appreciate that while I have it!20(5) Today starts the hell period at work. This week and next week will be very stressful and busy. Really worried about getting home to let dog out. 12-hour days...just have to get through.
(5) Busy, busy day. Training is hard, and 3 more days this week (plus all next week). Got home at 4:15, ran a mile with the dog to tire him out, and left at 5:10 for my radio show.
21No Reasons22(4) 12-hour workday yesterday. Slept poorly, and stomach is off this morning. Another long, busy day today. Winter's back again too, which is sad. Feeling really tired and blah.23(5) Yesterday was a tough day. Didn't run last night, but grabbed food and beers with the running group. Throat hurts today...hope not getting sick. Going to be another long day, but at least its Friday!24(6) Ran 20 miles today with my new running partner. Was fun, but so hard. Wiped out from last week for sure! But am glad to have a new running buddy and managed to get through!25No Reasons
26(5) Well yesterday was a total waste. I think I was really burned out from last week and Saturday's long run. Felt sick and miserable so did almost nothing. Feel better today. One more hell week!27(5) So tired this morning. Treadmill yesterday morning, 4 miles last night, treadmill this morning. Hell week at work. Gotta get through it. Trying to stay even and keep pushing on...28(4) So tired this morning. Quit after 3 treadmill miles. Feeling all the food and beer I've been consuming while stressed on this big project. Makes me feel bad about myself. Going to be a long, hard day.
   1(5) February is over. Good riddance! My least-favorite month. But it went quick, due to crazy project at work, and March is coming in with cold and snow tomorrow. Sigh. Two weeks until Florida!
(6) One good thing about this crazy project that's had me working so many stressful hours: I get recognized for it at work. Heard several good things lately about my job. Feels good to be appreciated!
(1) Can really use prayers and thoughts for my friend right now. I can't imagine how he will deal with this. So afraid for him and don't know how to be there for him.
2(1) Please, if you ever think of killing yourself, know that people love you so much, and your actions will hurt them forever more than you can comprehend. Talk to someone first. Let people help you.3(1) Long post, but need to vent and don't have anyone to talk to. So figured I'd do it here (and in comments). Feel need to express myself about what happened and how I feel. Hoping it helps a bit.4No Reasons
5(2) Slept on my friend's couch so he wouldn't be alone in the house w/o his wife last night. Got maybe 45 minutes of sleep. Going to be a long, tough day. Calling hours tonight. Not feeling very good.6(3) Last night's calling hours were difficult. But got a good night's sleep at least. Funeral today. Have to run later. Headache...7(4) Was a hard few days. I wanted to thank the pandas for all your hugs and thoughts and kind words and advice. Back to work for a few days before my 2-week vacation. Gotta get through these days...8(4) Work is quieter and lighter today/tomorrow, then vacation. Still stressed over car issue and running and things. Probably build up from friend's death. Poor night's sleep. Blah.
(3) Feeling very tired and overwhelmed and out of patience. Think I'm getting sick. Ugh.
9(4) Last day before 2 weeks off. I really need it. Friend is going to Florida with me. Happy he is getting away, and will be nice to have someone to do things with, I guess.10No Reasons11(5) Cold and snow. So tired of that! Leaving for Florida tomorrow, and it had better be warm! Hot even. Have to run through snow today...last one for a week at least. Ready for Spring.
12(6) Got to Florida. Not hot here, but much warmer than NY. Drank some good beers and ate some good food. Gonna take a few days to relax, but glad to be here and away from home for a bit.13(6) Beautiful if coll Florida day. Went to St Petersburg and to the beach but too cool and windy to sit out. Drove around and good food/beer for lunch. Now home to relax. Nice day so far.14(6) Eating and drinking my way around Florida. Unhealthy but so much fun. Had the best, fresh shrimp! Tons of beer. Enjoying it, but will surely feel it later!15(6) Dropped my friend off at airport to go home. I have another week here in Florida. Getting warmer, which is great. Saw a lovely garden area and had some beers. Feeling the need for me time but doing ok16(6) Quieter day today. Ran 5 miles then walked 5 miles with my dad and his friend looking for gatora. The sun has me feeling tired. Planning a 20-Mike run tomorrow morning, then a visit to another brewery17(6) Caught a cold. Didn't sleep much last night and very congested. Still got 18.5 miles this morning through Florida. Met my folks at a brewery during their St Party celebration. Was fun! Crab for dinner18(6) Cold sapping a lot of my energy. Reaching limit of time I can spend with parents. Need to recharge, will be ok. A few more days in Florida and all week off work. Appreciative of time away to relax.
(5) Feeling frustrated and annoyed. Hard to be around people so much. So used to holding everything in, and sometimes i don't know how to talk or respond to people. Sigh. Feeling sorry for myself. Oh well
19(6) Feeling a bit better. Pretty lazy day. Rainy off and on in Florida my last few days here. Still enjoying not being at work.20(5) Didn't do much at all today. Stormy day in Florida. I guess it's ok to be bored on vacation. Kind of ready to be home. Not ready to return to winter though. That will hurt the most!21(6) Didn't do much today. Ran 8 miles this morning. Drove out to Gulf Coast for delicious fresh shrimp. Leave for home tomorrow. Sad to leave but ready to be home I think.22(6) Back home in cold NY. Having some beers to end vacation. Looking forward to sleeping in my own bed. Getting dog in the morning.23(6) Dog is home, and all is well with the world again. Had a good night's sleep in my own bed. Enjoying last work day off work. Already tired of cold again, though...
(4) All I wanted to do today was fix my stupid treadmill. They sent me the internal parts to replace. I can't unscrew the screws. Won't budge a fraction of an inch. Fingers bleeding. So annoyed!
24(6) Managed to get the treadmill fixed and back together. One of the hardest things I had to do by myself. So wish I had help, even if just to hold things. 15-min job took me hours. Hope it keeps working!25No Reasons
26(5) Back to work. So hard to get up at 4:15 am again after 3 weeks of sleeping until 5 or later (treadmill was broken + funeral stuff, then 2 weeks of vacation). Barely got 2 miles this morning. So tired.27(6) Fun run back with my Monday night folks last night. Leg is really sore this morning, but got 4 miles on the treadmill as I try to get back into early mornings. Feeling relatively ok.28(5) Very tired. Hard adjusting back to early mornings. Think it's healthier to stay up later and get up later, though not sure why. Work is slower. Booked my AirB&B for my race in May!29(5) So exhausted...hard to adjust to these early mornings again. Stomach is off today for some reason. Supposed to be pouring today for my evening run, and cold again this weekend. Sick of winter!30(6) Run in the rain last night wasn't bad. Have to do my long run by myself tomorrow, which means struggles to keep going and motivate myself to go long. Lots to do this weekend, which is good and bad.31No Reasons
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2(6) Had friends around Friday evening, Saturday evening, and Sunday for Easter, so was a nice weekend and felt quite lucky! But drank a lot of beer and ate a lot of food, so feeling it this morning! Ugh.3(5) So tired of winter. It's April...shouldn't be dealing with temps at freezing and possible snow showers. Very tired this morning. But had a fun run with ppl last night. Work isn't crazy right now.4(5) Legs really sore, making running tough. I was doing really good before vacation and my friend's death, now having trouble getting back into running as well. Muscle pain and fatigue. Blah.5(5) Better run this morning. So frustrated it's snowing outside in April. 25 degrees below average and no end to winter in sight. Tired. Have felt off all week, not sure what day it is...6(5) Didn't run with either group last night. Weather got me down, so feeling guilt today. Had drinks with friend for her birthday instead. Tomorrow, doing 30 miles (or so) by myself. Hope it goes ok!7(4) Run was a fail. So murky/muddy and bitter cold. Managed a slow 16 miles but wanted 30. Feel training is not going to be good enough. Have $1000 in car repairs. Feeling very overwhelmed and lonely.8(4) Feeling very low. No one to talk to. Training is going really poorly, and it's all I have in my life right now, and no one cares about anything important to me. Tired of being cold.
9(4) Some thoughts on running and why I talk about it so much here...I haven't been a runner long, just 3 or 4 years. Wasn't very active growing up. But I enjoy it and how it's improved my health/fitness..10(5) Felt like I vented so much about the crappy weather to different people yesterday. Almost comforting. The weather is the one thing we can all agree on and relate to. And do nothing about. Tired of it.11(5) Struggling a little today. Pretty normal for Wednesday I guess. Roller coaster weather - warmer one day, cold and snow the next upcoming. Frustrating. Very tired...just want to rest and watch TV...12(6) Didn't go run last night with the group. Was cold and rainy. Drank instead. But feeling pretty good this morning. Good night's sleep. Work is going to get stressful again, but not today at least!13(5) Poor night's sleep. Legs are really sore. Have to run tomorrow, and supposed to be cold and rain/freezing rain. :( Ugh... feeling rather overwhelmed.14(5) Well, 20 miles today. Wanted more, but I was done. Really cold and windy, but at least the freezing rain held off. Stressed about my training, sure I haven't done enough. Not sure what to do.15No Reasons
16(4) Another miserable weather day. Historically bad spring so far. Legs are really sore. Mood is low, stress building up. Poor night's sleep; dog was crazy last night and this morning. Tired.
(6) Reminded that I am so lucky. I have a decent job, a home, a car, a dog...I'm healthy. So what if it's raining and cold, if work is stressful, if I'm in debt. I have my issues, but I'm so fortunate...
17(5) Bitter cold. Couldn't sleep last night because I couldn't get warm. Lungs bothering me today, chest is tight. Not sure why...kind of scary.18(6) Poor night's sleep and another bitter cold winter day. But legs and lungs feeling better this morning for treadmill run. Going to be a busy work day, but meeting friend later for cider.19(5) Up later than usual (and bit of a cider hangover this am), and dog kept me awake, barking at something outside. Very tired this morning, and breathing still wonky. Feel anxious.20(5) Tired this morning, but otherwise feeling ok. Legs are very sore, and big trail race tomorrow. Supposed to be cold (30s) and muddy this year, so won't be easy. Crazy hills. Hope I do ok!21(6) First nice-ish day of spring. Had a hard trail race (20k but super hilly), but it went well, and it was nice enough to hang out after with folks. Felt good. Eating a lot tonight. A few windows open.22(5) Got all dressed and went out for a run in the beautiful sunshine...and calf and ankle hurt so bad I turned around and came home. Might have loosened up after a bit. Feel disappointed.
(4) Running is as much mental as physical. My physical game is maybe ok, but my mental game is suffering. So low and feeling so weak. It's such a struggle. Hard to relax and let things go.
23(5) Monday again. Feel pretty ok this morning. Leg felt ok for run on treadmill. Supposed to be warm and sunny today, which will help the mood. Work going to get stressful for a while though!24(6) So very lucky to be able to run. Beautiful evening last night to run with my Monday group. Legs hurt, but have to get past that. Radio show tonight.25(5) Legs hurt bad today, barely got 2 miles on treadmill this morning. Massage on Friday should help, I hope. Getting anxious for my race in May. Feel like it's spilling over into everything...26(5) Beer dinner last night was fun, but rather dehydrated from running a few miles first, so ended up with a bit of a hangover. Didn't drink that much. So no running this morning. Ah well.27(5) Not feeling great today. Massage to help my sore legs, then have to go to work to get computer I forgot yesterday so I can work at home today. Relay race Sunday going to have cold, snow/rain. Boo!28No Reasons29No Reasons
30(6) Yesterdays relay race was such fun! Miserable weather (left house 5:30am and home 10pm) and legs hurt, but such great fun! Stomach was off all day but so thankful I did ok.
 1(5) My big race is a week from this Saturday. Trying hard not to let anxiety and negative thoughts take over. I know I'm not trained enough and legs are in bad shape, but just want to finish!2(5) Stomach was off yesterday evening. Tried to run, but with that and my legs hurting, didn't do well. Frustrated and anxious, and work is stressful. At least the weather is finally warm!3(5) Stomach was bad yesterday again but got better as day went on. Went for a hot run after work. Legs very sore... Then some beers with my friend. Stormy weather today, will prob have to run in it later.4(6) Rain held off yesterday evening, so did 6 miles, then beers. Fun evening. Going to get a haircut today, and Avengers this evening with friend. Can't wait for that! Feeling pretty ok.
(2) So sad. The wife of my best friend (and neighbor) killed herself about 6 weeks ago. Sounds like her sister is now dead. Assume same way. My poor friend now has to be there for her family.
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7(5) Wasn't a bad weekend for me, but my friend's situation was always on my mind. Now stress this week - my big race is Saturday. Have to pack and get things ready! Very nervous.8No Reasons9(6) Feeling pretty good this morning. Beautiful weather yesterday. Legs are definitely sore, but going to push through on Saturday and hope they hold up. One more easy run this evening before my race!10(6) Last day of work before my runcation! Hope the weather is good for Saturday. All sorts of anxiety, but other than worried about my legs holding up, it's mostly excitement. Ready to go!11No Reasons12(7) Here I go. Race starts in 30 mins. 50 miles. A long day in the woods, that's all. Hope my legs and breathing hold up. Really want to accomplish this to prove to myself how strong I really am.
(9) I did it! Finished my first 50-mile race! I hurt so bad and feel amazing!
13(8) Big breakfast and several breweries today. Beer and food! Seems fitting after yesterday! Turns out I finished 34 out of more than 70! Feeling amazing today (despite how much it hurts to walk).
14No Reasons15No Reasons16No Reasons17No Reasons18(7) Back to work (well, really was yesterday) and normalcy. Will be hard to adjust back to eating right. Blister keeping me from running, but it will heal. Mostly feeling pretty good!
(7) Posted a race report from my race to my running blog and noted that my old running group had inexplicably ghosted me, so I ran this for myself. Already had someone respnd I could join her on runs Yay!
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21(6) Nice weekend. Got a lot done. Ran for the first time in a week yesterday. Feel every extra pound from eating/drinking like crazy for a week. Back to normalcy today!22(5) After not running for a week and eating/drinking everything in sight, this week is turning into a slog. Legs super tired after running a few times again. Rain today is ok. Trying to wake up...23(6) Feeling pretty ok this morning. Going to be a beautiful few days weather-wise, and 3-day weekend coming up. Social event tonight will be fun, I hope. Radio show last night was good...24(6) Social event was fun last night. Happy not to have hangover this morning. Got 3 treadmill miles in this morning, and will run with a group tonight. Beautiful weather this morning.25(5) Had a nice ego boost at work yesterday and getting a little bit of a bonus for a good job. Terrible night's sleep though and feeling rather crummy today. Supposed to do 5-mile race tonight but sore!26(6) Fun 5-mile trail race last evening, then good food and socializing after. I felt great running it too! Yard work this morning. Not sure about this afternoon. Wish I had someone to BBQ & hang out with.27(7) Felt rather lonely yesterday. Did very little. But today I ran 18 miles with a small group of awesome people, then had a few beers with two other folks, so felt wonderful. Glad to have tmrw off work!
28(7) Ran 8 miles this morning with some area ultra runners and felt like I belonged. Good feeling! Rest of today is all the weekend stuff I didn't do this weekend and then reg Mon evening run.29(5) Feeling a bit off today. Poor night's sleep and very tired. Contact is really bothering my eye. Can't find motivation to work...Blah.30(6) 5 miles at 5 am this morning. Supposed to be near 90 this afternoon! Feeling better today than yesterday. Good radio show last night!31(5) Ugh, horrible night's sleep last night. So damn hot! And weird sounds in middle of night. Didn't get up to run with folks as planned. So tired and short/edgy this morning. Going to be a long day.
    1(5) One too many beers last night after being super dehydrated from running in the heat. Not very hung over today but feel really out of sorts, like something is off. Weird and unpleasant feeling.2(5) Had such a fun, hard race today. But my friend ditched me for beer dinner tmrw that planned for months. Wish I had friends. Don't know who else to ask. Feel so alone.3No Reasons
4(5) Not a bad weekend. Beer/BBQ dinner last night was good, even though food was sorta picked over by time we got it. Rainy today, mood feels similar. Legs super sore, very frustrating. Tired.5(5) Weather cleared just in time to run with my group yesterday. Was nice. Hard to get up early to hit treadmill again this morning. Legs hurt bad...made appt with chiropractor. Hope that might help!6(5) Busy day today. Motivation at work is low. Rainy weather. Sore legs. blah blah blah. Same ol', I guess. Typical 5. Feeling redundant...7(6) Bit of hope for legs. Chiropractor did some adjustments and they already feel better. Prob will end up costing me a fair amt of money, but hopefully worth it long term. Will keep going back!8(5) Stomach off this morning. Feeling a bit off all around. Maybe it's the beers from last night...didn't drink much, but was dehydrated after running 8 miles. Worried about $...9(5) 16 miles this morning, roads and trails. Running by myself, it felt like 30. Tired, and legs are sore. Two social things today, stressing me out already. But wouldn't be good to veg inside I guess.10No Reasons
11(5) Not a bad weekend. Nice weather, ran, ate way too much and drank way too much. Legs are super sore, which is frustrating. Monday mornings are always rough.12(6) Dog woke me up at 1:30am. Tired, but managed to get up at 4:15 and run this morning. Legs really sore but otherwise feel pretty good. Radio show tonight. Beautiful weather.13(5) Another poor night's sleep. Feeling very on edge and impatient today. Been drinking a lot more coffee lately at work. Thinking after my big August race I might cut out caffeine and alcohol for a bit.
(5) Chiropractor ripped into my calves. Really hurt, but hopefully will help. Decided not to run today. Humid and hot. Went to bar. Playing that stupid loneliness song again. Sigh. Tired.
14(6) Went to bed early last night and actually feel like I got a good night's rest. Up at 4:15 to run. Legs hurt in new and different places today, probably not a bad thing. Feeling mostly ok today.15(6) Ran 5 miles in the morning and 7 on trails in the evening with a group yesterday. Legs sore but not terrible today. Decided to work at home today, which will be relaxing! Lot to do.16(6) Won my age group and finished 17/275 overall in the only 5k I run anymore. Had lunch with friend after. Was nice! Shd be doing yardwork but just want to relax outside on patio with dog.17(6) Quiet Sunday. Ran this morning, made breakfast and lunch for the week, put my AC in (it's hot here!). Kind of lonely, quiet day, but that's ok. Big race next weekend...starting to get nervous!
18(5) Weird twinge in arm/chest this morning bothering me. Hot day might be getting to me too. Feel very blah. Will be hard to run this evening in this heat and thunderstorms!19(6) Feeling pretty good today. Weather is cooler and beautiful. Legs are feeling better (not great, but hopefully showing improvement). Still have weird chest issue...might have tweaked a muscle or nerve.20(5) Thinking I am not nearly as prepared for this weekend's race as I should be. Hoping I am at least as prepared as I was for my last one. Hoping the weather is ok...doesn't look good right now.21(5) Stomach a bit off today. Supposed to rain all day Saturday, and I'll be running this race all day. Ugh, will suck in the rain, and no one will want to hang around after.22(6) Nice dinner yesterday evening with friends. Anxious about 40-mile trail race tomorrow in the rain. This is a hard one, not well supported (aid stations). Hope legs hold up. Want to do well!23(7) Finished my race! 41 miles (66k). Was really hard. I struggled mightily. Feet feel terrible. But I got through. Good beers and companionship after. Was a long day, but feels like a good accomplishment24No Reasons
25(6) Amazing how running an ultra messes with your body. Haven't been able to sleep well. Starving but feel sick after eating. Blisters on my feet make wearing shoes painful. Recovering. Still, no regrets!26(5) Feeling the usual post-race let-down. My next ultra is the 12-hour overnight one I did last year in July, then my big goal race in August. Getting very anxious about that one! So tired today...27(5) Ran a few miles this morning, and blister hurt so bad. Now it's 10x worse! Can't wear sandals to work...Ugh. I hate this. Stupid reason to not be able to run. Very tired and angsty this morning.
(7) Chiropractor adjusted my back and asked about the race. I didn't bring up my breathing issues, but he started telling me about systema breathing and lent me a book. I needed that at that moment.
28No Reasons29(6) Good run last night...legs not too painful, and blister a bit better. (Alliteration!) Going to be HOT, which means running super early. Blah. Roger Daltrey concert tomorrow! Woo-who!30(5) Ran at 6:30 this morning to beat the heat. Blister was feeling better but hurt terribly, and one formed on other heel. So cut run to 11 miles. So frustrating. Ordered stuff that should help, I hope.
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2(5) Anxious and impatient this morning. Very frustrated with blisters keeping me from running. Weird week this week with holiday on Wednesday. Boss back, so lots to do. Not in a good mood.3(5) Busy day. Feeling anxious and stressed. Tomorrow is the holiday. Different kind of stress (social stuff). Need to be able to run again...that helps with stress. Sigh.4(5) Have to do the socializing thing at BBQ this afternoon. Anxious because I'm not good with people. But I need people and want to be around folks. At least there should be good food and beer...5(4) I can get through the boring, comforting everydays. It's the holidays and special events (like funerals, etc) where I'm reminded how alone I am. We are not meant to be alone.6(6) Ran a few miles in crazy humidity yesterday, then five miles cooler this morning. Blisters healing. Having my floors redone today, which means dog outside all day and working at home.7(7) Yesterday was a long day, but my new floors look good! Ran 15 miles this morning. Blisters aren't bad, finally. Got new trail shoes. Fun race tmrw, means getting up at 3:30 am! Ugh. But will be fun!8(7) Long day. Up at 3:30 to drive a few hours for an amazing 15k race with 14,000 people. So much fun. Tons of beer after. Now home doing laundry, making oatmeal for the week, and setting up my radio show
9(4) Did not sleep well last night. Running-related foot issue hurt. Heard a bang (probably fireworks) and immediately started fearing my neighbor/friend shot himself. Too hot, then too cold.
(4) Anxiety built and got the best of me...got a little overwhelmed when I dropped my sandwich at lunch on the floor. Feel like I can't handle things right now. I can, I know...just a bit too much rn.
10(5) I'm ok. Last night felt the cloud descending again. But slept ok and thankful my blisters are healing and legs are letting me run. Gotta keep that dark cloud away, or at least let it pass quickly!11(6) Enjoyed my radio show last night. Warm run this morning at 5 am. Chiro appt today, then may go have dinner at a local brewery. Feeling more positive today; early morning runs help with that!
(4) Maybe I shouldn't post twice in a day. Feeling very lonely tonight.
12(4) Didn't sleep well. Anxiety encroaching again today. This has felt like a very long week. Not looking forward to the weekend makes it feel longer. Feeling sorry for myself...
(5) Planning pacers for last 26 miles of my big trail race in August. Never had to rely on someone for a race before. This will surely stress me out, but it's nice they want to help me get through it!
13(5) Parents visiting this weekend, which is good and bad. I guess I like my routines and get anxious when they change. It will be fine, except for all the guilt trips. Very tired this morning.14No Reasons15No Reasons
16(5) Poor night's sleep and stomach is off this morning. Plus it's Monday. Not a bad weekend. Busy but didn't get a lot accomplished. Nice to see parents but so sick of guilt trips. Ah well...17(6) Fun run with people last night in crazy humidity. Legs feel great, best they have in a while! Probably won't after this weekend's race, but I'm very thankful for that.18(5) Was so tired last night. Wondering if I'm fighting something this week. Stomach has been off too. Going to try out my poles running some hills this evening. This has been a long, slow week already!19(6) Feeling pretty good today! Felt great on my trail run last night. Did an easy 5 miles trying out new poles. Lots of hills. Went to bar for dinner and got told I look like Nick Foles. Weird!20(4) Not feeling so good this morning. Lot of feelings of being left out and unwanted yesterday. Usually with this running group, I can feel comfortable with other folks, but not yesterday. Blah.
(5) Running a 12-hour race Saturday night, 7pm-7am Sunday. Supposed to rain from midnight on Sunday. Ugh. But I found out a friend is signed up, so that will help a lot! Should be a good training run!
21No Reasons22(4) Failure last night. 12-hour run from 7pm-7am, I dropped by 11. Miserable weather, and stomach made running so hard. Feel like I let myself down. Worried about big race in August now. Blah.
23(4) Rough morning. Drank too much yesterday while feeling very sorry for myself. Didn't sleep well (from alcohol and too warm). Tons of anxiety and frustration today. And it's Monday. Ugh.24(5) Still feeling low. Weather probably has much to do with it. After so many weeks of sun and heat, it's dreary and rainy and humid. Wet and blah, just like my mood.25(5) Ran this morning with another runner who is going to pace me in my August race. Was nice to run with someone in the morning. Stomach is off and didn't sleep well. Felt left out last night...26No Reasons27(4) Super hot run last night was very draining and hard. Felt very lonely after, even around people. Tired of feeling so lonely. Feel like life isn't supposed to work out like this.28No Reasons29No Reasons
30(5) Taking a 'sick' day today...really needed it. Went back to bed after letting dog out early and now feel more refreshed. Hope to do nothing more than mow the lawn today.31(5) Yesterday was a nice, relaxing day off. Had our best turnout for my group run. Now to get mind back on this boring job... Still feeling a bit off. Have a lot on my mind, hard to quiet self...
  1(5) Humid 5 miles at 5 am with a running pal this morning. So nice to run with people. As hard as it is to get up at 4:15 and run, it sure does start the day out well. Been feeling off all week though. :/2(5) Anxiety was high yesterday. Dog vet visit was tough (and expensive), but he's ok. Shared some beer with folks opening new local brewery last night. That was fun. Didn't sleep well though.
(4) I need new, different friends. Or someone who actually wants me around. So tired of being alone all the time, even among people.
3(4) Yesterday ended very poorly. Was very anxious and impatient and hoped run would help. But group went way too fast, and it was so hot, and I was frustrated and got burnt out...
(5) I should not be drinking beer. I have to run far tomorrow. But new brewery opening, and it's Friday. Alone here... But at least there's beer. Beer's always there for me!
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6(5) So-so weekend. Felt very left out of a lot of things. Have to stop using social media, which keeps reminding me of people I know doing things with friends. Hard when I don't have friends...7(5) Doing ok today. Stomach has been a bit off, but felt pretty good running this morning. Hot though! Spending way too much time stressing over/thinking about my race...under 2 weeks! Yikes!8(5) Legs are sore today...next week is tapering for my race and lots of carb loading! Stressing all the time over this race. :/ But mostly feeling ok today.9(5) Hip is sore this morning, not sure why. Feel a little off. Melancholy evening yesterday but that's ok. Got a good night's sleep, should feel better...10(6) Woke up with nasty headache (probably not from last night's beer...I blame the dreary weather). But feeling surprisingly ok now. Yesterday's group run turned out really good!11No Reasons12No Reasons
13(5) Going to be a long week, with my race coming up Saturday. I apologize in advance for all the 'I'm super stressed' posts that will be forthcoming. Trying to remember to enjoy it too!14(5) I'm a stresser for sure. Trying hard not to stress over big race this weekend. Was reminded yesterday all the worrying doesn't help but can def hurt. Just have to prepare and get thru this week!15(5) Deluge of rain yesterday. I'm told area of race has lot of flooding. So now will have to fight mud all day. Just one more stresser. Sigh...eager to have this done and accomplished!16(5) Trying to focus myself on excitement for this race on Saturday. It's been my big goal race for a year, the one I worked so hard for. Running in the cold all winter, in the mud all spring...17(5) So much rain means muddy camping tonight and muddy slog tomorrow, will slow me down and make the run so much harder. But can't change it. Sitting around, waiting to head down this PM. Argh...
(6) Race tomorrow. 4am will be going. Hope I can do it!
18No Reasons19(10) I did it, pandas! Torrential rain. Thick, dense, slippery mud. So many crazy, steep hills. 19 hours and 64 miles later (100k), I finished. This was my goal for a year. So excited!
20No Reasons21(7) Back to work after a crazy weekend. Ribs are sore and toe is bothering me. Super tired from not sleeping right. Body is still all messed up from the race. But feeling pretty good about things!22(6) Trying to forestall the post-accomplishment let-down. I know it is coming, but I will recognize it for what it is and move past it. Still, hard to focus thoughts on motivation at work this week!23(6) Bruised a rib or muscle during a fall on Sat (it only hurt to breathe my last 30 or so miles). Was really bothering me last night but seems a bit better this morning. Will run this evening again.24(7) Was nice last night talking about my race and hearing how amazed and excited people were. By next week, everyone will have moved on, and that's ok. I'll remember it. Nice to be focus of attn a bit!25No Reasons26No Reasons
27(5) Poor night's sleep. Really feeling all the food and alcohol I ate this past week. Sluggish and tired and blah. Typical Monday I guess. Thinking a lot about strength...28(6) Ugh, did not want to get up early and run today. Then realized I don't have to! I'm not in training anymore, don't have to run 6 days a week! Felt kinda nice. Super hot day today...29(6) Found myself researching 100 mile races next year...that's pretty stupid...right? Hmmm... Anyway, it's hot! Doing ok.30(6) Fun run in the rain and humidity last night, after a talk with two guys who ran crazy 8-day, 500k race across TN. Motivating! Reminder that normal people can do amazing things!31(7) This was a pretty good week! Things to do every night. Fun evening last night. 3-day weekend coming up, maybe seeing sis on Monday. Feeling pretty good.
     1(7) Fantasy football draft last night was fun. Ran 10 miles with my best running friend this morning, then took a nice long nap. Now beers and listening to my friend sing at the bar. Nice day!2No Reasons
3No Reasons4(5) Sister and bro-in-law came to visit yesterday on route back to their life on a sailboat. Was nice to see her, but that's the max amt we can stand each other I guess. Makes me sad. So so tired this AM.5(5) Up early to get a few miles before it gets super hot today. Didn't feel great so only got about 3.5 miles. At least it woke me up. Meeting with boss this AM has me a bit anxious. Will be fine...6(5) Really feeling all the extra food and drink I've indulged in the last few weeks. Blah. Must have slept weird, chest is hurting again today (from bruise during run). Feeling very blah.7(6) Fun evening...ran trails with a group then beers after. Got stung like 7 times by bees though, and one still really hurts! Working at home today...should be relaxing. Party tomorrow...a bit anxious.8(5) Ran a 5k this morning and won my age group (and $50 gift cert.) Now feeling like a cold's coming on. Party tonight, always a ton of food and drink. Kinda not looking forward to it. Oh well...9No Reasons
10(6) Party was fun Saturday, but I hate seeing grown adults get so drunk. Makes me angry. Feeling pretty good this morning. Trying to focus on strength and improvement for rest of this year...11(6) Good group run last night and did some hills on the treadmill this morning. Felt like fall, but warm weather coming back. Work was so slow yesterday. So unmotivated at work. Ah well...12(5) Didn't get up to run this morning as planned, but at least did exercises and brief meditation and can run this afternoon. Feeling very tired.
(4) So frustrating - my friend's wife took her life less than six months ago, and he's dating some cute woman 15+ years younger than him. I've been alone forever. I want him to be happy, but how come I...
13(4) Went to bed last night feeling sad and self-pitying. Woke up this morning feeling that even more. Plus anxiety bubbling below the surface. Very short on patience this morning with dog...14(5) Doing ok today I guess. Don't get to work at home today. Oh well. Feeling blah, I guess. Better not to think...15(5) Oktoberfest last night was a lot of food and standing around alone in a crowd. Felt very tired and sludge this AM but forced myself out for 10 miles on trails.16No Reasons
17(5) Ran a 13-mile trail race yesterday...was so hot! Hard run, lot of walking. Then beers over football. Almost got in a fight at the bar with a guy who called me a 'f-ing idiot'. Bothered me a lot...18(5) Didn't sleep well...feeling drained this morning. Anxiety and impatience are still high.19(5) Blah Wednesday. Ran this morning, but stomach issues slowed me down. Trying to find something good about today.20(6) Wednesday nights are kind of nice with no obligations. Wanted to go out for beers, but stayed in and ate healthy and played with the dog, went to sleep early. Felt nice and relaxing for a change.21(5) Ran 5 miles with the group yesterday. Felt pretty alone and left out again. Working at home today. Not much working, mostly doing stuff around house. Physical yesterday...healthy, but weight up. Blah.22(4) Tried to be patient with my parents at my house this weekend. But it's so hard. I know they're old and they're trying to help, but I hate being belittled, and I'm so tired...Blah.23(4) Feeling very bad about myself. Doctor made me feel fat and unhealthy. Parents made me feel worthless. 'Friends' made me feel left out and unwanted. Just always so alone...
24(4) Lot of swirling negative emotions and self-doubt. Mondays are always hard. Feeling crummy from eating and drinking too much, not enough sleep. Guilt over not running yesterday. Lonely. Sad.25(5) Yesterday was a bad day. But ended it with my group run and a few beers with some nice people, so feeling a bit better today. Rainy day, but that's ok, not running outside. Radio show tonight.26(5) Super strong storms last night made for rough night's sleep. Ran at 5 am this morning because it's supposed to cool off and rain all day. Air felt odd, like charged. Just feels like a weird day...27(6) Nice, relaxing Wednesday night with the dog. Early to bed, and feeling better this morning. Noticeable chill of fall in the air. I love fall (but hate winter). Still feel a bit off, but not so bad.28(6) Trail run last night with the group and a beer after around a fire pit. Was nice. Run was hard but helped with stress! No plans this weekend; will surely be lonely. Oh well. Feeling pretty good today.29No Reasons30No Reasons
1(5) Monday mornings are always hard. Rainy and gross weather. Feeling gross after eating/drinking so much this weekend. Ran both days, but not a ton. Facing a long week ahead...blah.2(5) Tired. Another rainy, dreary day. Spring and fall are supposed to be the best times of year here, but it's just rain lately. Feeling a little lost and alone this week. Wish I had someone to talk to.3(5) Poor night's sleep last night, but got up and ran my 5 miles this morning. Legs feel good, for which I'm very thankful. Quiet radio show last night. Supposed to go to radio station mtg tonight. Ugh.4(6) Skipped radio station meeting last night...was enjoying quiet evening home with dog. Got to bed early and slept pretty well. Still dreary fall weather, but I'm feeling ok and am thankful for that.5(5) Parents here this weekend to help me repaint kitchen. Will be a long, tiring weekend, testing my patience for sure. But I'm thankful for them & their help. Will try to be patient...working on that.6(5) Long day. Ran at 7 and non-stop work sanding cabinets until 6pm. Exhausted. Parents are great help. But the guilt! Ugh, everii do is horrible. That's even more exhausting.7No Reasons
8No Reasons9(5) Busy weekend. Three full days of sanding and painting. Kitchen looks great! Didn't get everything done but got a lot done. Parents were great...isn't easy to be patient but I tried.10(5) Working at home again, waiting for new appliances to be delivered. Not getting much done. Sore from this weekend but getting back to normal schedule. Got my 5-mile run in this morning...11(5) Finally got my new stove. Delivered a dented one the last two days, today was a good one. Messed up my work schedule all week. It's raining again, dreary, getting colder. Feeling blah and anxious...12(5) Last night's run was nice...relaxing beers with some nice people. But lots of anxieties today...13No Reasons14No Reasons
15(5) Anxiety and frustration are high since last night. Not sure why, but it's really bothering me. Chest feels tight and achy. Not a good start to the week.16(5) Nice run yesterday evening. My Monday group is finally growing! So hard to get up this morning (tiny bit of a hangover too), but managed to do my treadmill hill work. It's so cold here now! Brrr...17(5) Very tired this morning. Slogged through 5 miles on the treadmill (with a bit of walking). Feeling anxiety lurking. Body feels off...probably fighting a cold or allergies from furnace kicking up dust.
(4) Been craving sugar all day. I know it's not physical; it's mental. But I said I had been good, so I got the sugary cupcake thing. It tasted delicious, but now I feel gross and ill.
18(5) Last night was bad and woke up with the same feeling (plus a little hungover). Trying to think more about forgiving myself. There's things to learn from backslides and failures...19(5) Run with different folks and beers last night. Working at home today, which is almost like a day off. Maybe will run at lunchtime (getting a bit warmer today). Not feeling great though. Don't know why20(4) Waited around all day yesterday for guy who did my floors to come back and finish something. Never showed or called. Angry. Lonely last night. Beers and ice cream. Feel ill from it this morning.
(4) Thought maybe I was getting burned out on the running and exercises, and that seemed normal. Maybe I needed a break. Then I realized - this is how it happens. You feel tired, sick, a little low...
21(4) Brewery run yesterday...was fun to drink and run with people, but I felt so much like I wasn't included. Not in any of the pictures, no one cared when I left. Always just want to be a part of...
22(4) Had a minor revelation last night. Maybe part of why I struggle so much in groups is because decades of being alone has made me unable to communicate with people socially appropriately. (more...)23(5) My group run last night was nice...some new folks came, a lot of people stayed for beer after. I practiced letting people talk and not talking myself. Seemed to go ok! We'll see...24(5) Feeling ok this morning. Scavenger hunt run tonight should be fun. Though everyone ignored me when I tried to organize teams and glommed on to another person. But I'm used to that...25(4) Scavenger hunt run last night was fun. But not feeling good this morning. Bad night's sleep, headache, just off. Work anxiety building too. Blah.26(5) Delicious beer/food dinner last night. Tried to be better communicating with people, but when I drink I tend to want to talk more. Found myself wanting to say something but no one cared...27(5) Cold and raining. I miss Saturday mornings when I would go out and run. Would make the rest of the day better. When it's like this, it's so hard to motivate to go outside in mud, cold, etc.28(5) Another cold, rainy morning. Hoping I can convince myself to get outside to run, not sure. Very boring day yesterday. Probably will be again today. Lonely weekend. I guess that's ok.
29(4) Fourth miserable weather day in a row. Cold, dreary, rainy. Fits my mood. Miserably, lonely weekend has me feeling crummy today (esp from all the food and beer I consumed).30(6) Last night's group run was really nice. The group I started is really growing, and I enjoy the socializing after without the cliques of my other running groups. Felt like I communicated well too.31(6) Ran 5 miles in the rain this morning (weather said it would be dry and warmer, but oh well). Then got my exercises in and registered for the relay race we do in April. Good morning so far!
   1(5) Glad Halloween is over. Didn't get a single piece of candy, even at work. :( Ate and drank too much at bar last night, feeling it this morning. Felt very lonely. Oh well...new day.2(5) Ran in the cold rain with a group yesterday. Tired of the endless cold rain, seems like every day for a month! Had some beers with a brewer after, was nice. Going to be a quiet, lonely weekend...3(4) Tough weekend. Glad I have this lunch thing to break up the self-pity and loneliness. Ran on treadmill this morning; only did 5 miles. Planning to run 18 tomorrow outside. Feeling low.4(3) Lower than I've been in a long time. Feeling very lonely, very worthless...
5(3) Rough weekend. Definitely feeling very low. Knew I was slipping into a depressive period. Hate that it feels so familiar...almost comforting, like that's more normal than not. Going to be a long week.
(5) I still listen to the album The Power of Failing by Mineral. It got me through so many hard times 15-20 years ago. It's practically the soundtrack of my depression. Today, news the band has new music!
6(5) Enjoyed my group run last night. Legs are sore from Sunday's run, and back is really sore. Have to go back to chiro I think. Too much thinking lately. Also, if you're in the US, vote today. I did!7(4) Very tired. Hard to get up and run this morning. Took yesterday off running due to soreness. Didn't want to do radio show, but it went ok. Feeling very blah...weak.8(4) Work is about to get really busy for the next few months. Ugh. Weather getting cold! Got more sleep last night but still feel very blah. Mood affecting everything, I know. Oh well.9(5) Long weekend of trail racing, so of course weather is going to be very cold and snowy/rainy. 3 miles tonight, 5 Sat AM, 12 Sun AM. I hate the cold, so it's tough. But ends up being fun, usually!10No Reasons11(5) Long, cold weekend of running. Not that many miles (19 miles over 3 days), but racing is harder than normal running. Did ok. Managed to socialize after. Didn't get much other stuff done. Oh well.
12No Reasons13(5) Nice to have yesterday off. Back at work, and it will be very stressful until January. Ugh, not looking forward to it. Already feeling stress and anxiety.14(5) Managed 5 miles on the treadmill while watching Daredevil this AM. Tired and calf hurts. Radio show was surprisingly good last night. Had more listeners than usual! Today doesn't look bad...15(5) Didn't sleep well, very tired and impatient today. Met a few people for some beer and bar food, so ate too late last night. It's so cold today, and have to run tonight. Feeling very blah.16(5) Tough running in cold, snow and sleet last night. That's why I need group runs. Long run tomorrow in snow and mud. Ugh. Feeling very tired and a little ill today. Early winter has me down.17No Reasons18No Reasons
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