4.6 avg
  535 days
  11762 hugs
   1No Reasons2(6) Snow day = working from home. Okay, but I prefer working in office. Also did quite a bit of updating on Goodreads, which I didn't seem to have done for some time. Time now for actual reading, in bed3No Reasons4No Reasons
5No Reasons6No Reasons7No Reasons8(4) Difficult to rate today. Feel quite down about a situation at work, but it's part of the job and I need to remind myself about boundaries. Trying to eat less sugar - bahaha on a day like today9No Reasons10No Reasons11No Reasons
12No Reasons13(5) Long and draining day at work - if I had been rating my emotions during the day it would have been all over the chart. Felt quite angry and frustrated at one point, which is quite rare for me at work14(4) Earlier today was at meeting with colleague who is incredibly smart and articulate - felt like such an idiot (my own feelings, nothing he did). You know when you really want someone to like you?
(6) On the couch, in my pyjamas, with my cat asleep and purring on my lap. Quite hungry and would like another cup of tea but feeing very tired and don't want to move. Note to self: must hire servant :)
15No Reasons16No Reasons17(4) Started to lose my voice yesterday and by the time I finished work felt quite rough. Got home, Fed cat, went to bed. Been up this morning to feed cat, get meds and tea. Back in bed, feel crap. I18No Reasons
19No Reasons20No Reasons21No Reasons22No Reasons23No Reasons24No Reasons25No Reasons
26No Reasons27(5) Something at work that I thought might be a big disaster seems like it is going to be okay. Behind with a lot of stuff. Really tired and still croaky.28No Reasons29No Reasons30No Reasons31(6) Seeing M tonight finally for first time in a long time. Slept quite a lot of yesterday but needed it. Trying to focus on today.
      1No Reasons
2No Reasons3(4) Had rather crappy day at work - not feeling productive or that I was doing good work, second guessing myself a lot. Missing officemate who left last week. Been eating badly, period still making me4(4) Snowing here - took me 3.5 hours to get home. Could have been worse, and I do love snow, but - suppose not really loving anything at the moment. This too shall pass.5No Reasons6No Reasons7No Reasons8No Reasons
9No Reasons10No Reasons11(6) Motivated myself to do some cleaning and tidying, so feeling quite virtuous. Rang hospital as still haven't heard from consultant, they said a letter went out to me earlier this week, so hoping it12No Reasons13No Reasons14No Reasons15No Reasons
16No Reasons17No Reasons18No Reasons19(4) No particular cause - just melancholia20(4) Feeling crap physically. Call from consultant's secretary to say that I have an appointment to see him in mid May re treatment. After having had a few relatively good weeks, struggling again. Hate21No Reasons22(4) Third day of nasty lower back pain - affecting sleep. Trying to keep moving as much as I can, stretching etc Went to shop last night to get some food and realised at till that I didn't have wallet.
23No Reasons24(5) Exhausted- glad it's my 'rest day' from work. Yesterday got letter from consultant saying tests definitely confirm it's not cancer, so likely to be endometriosis (again). Would feel more celebratory25No Reasons26No Reasons27(6) Didn't get as much done at work today as I hoped, but had good meeting with my officemate and we laughed a lot together the whole day. Destressing and just fun. Reminded me I've always been lucky in28(6) Went in to work for a while, got some stuff done tho not as much as I'd hoped (of course). Back home, lying on the couch, with my cat. Hope to have a lie-in tomorrow.29No Reasons
30(6) Had a really good meeting with colleague from another team and we're going to take my idea forward. Now going out to walk in the sun. If only every day was like this! Hope afternoon is okay too
 1No Reasons2No Reasons3(4) Knackered4(4) Really, really tired. Didn't perform well in a meeting today and it was in front of a colleague whom I really admire and is practically perfect in every way. I wish it didn't bother me but feel down.5No Reasons6(6) Just got back from M's house a little while ago, tired and it's late but not feeling like it's time to sleep. Was really good to see him.
7(5) Felt real sadness today at different times; going outside helped a bit at lunchtime, then it seemed to come back. Feeling it again now.8No Reasons9No Reasons10(3) Really tough day at work today, where I fucked up in front of two people I really admire. Then came back to my desk to find a rather nasty email from a colleague. Officemate had gone home by then, so11No Reasons12No Reasons13(4) Feeling rather fragile. At least I'm out of bed. Having some tea, making breakfast, taking it slow
14No Reasons15No Reasons16(3) My non working day. Got out of bed eventually, showered and dressed, sat in sun for a while with book and my cat - but I feel nothing. Or everything. Have to keep going.17No Reasons18No Reasons19No Reasons20No Reasons
21No Reasons22No Reasons23No Reasons24No Reasons25No Reasons26No Reasons27No Reasons
28No Reasons29No Reasons30(4) Went to bed - can't sleep. On the bright side, tomorrow is my non working day so it needn't affect me much, but it is dispiriting. First time it's happened in a while. Back to reading....
(4) Achy, cramps, tired - lying on the couch with hot water bottle, blanket, cat, good books....really want to sleep, and it may happen, but trying to stave it off in case I won't then sleep tonight
31No Reasons
    1No Reasons2No Reasons3No Reasons
4No Reasons5No Reasons6(5) My non working day, which is welcome as I had to stay a bit after work last night to finish off a couple of things. Managed to get an appt with my GP later today to discuss options consultant gave me7No Reasons8(7) Day off. Mainly so I can go and have the first injection for my endometriosis treatment later, but nice weather, went to library and got super haul of books, and cat happily playing with catnip mouse9No Reasons10(4) Have kept a resolution for nearly a month - last week or so have had serious moments of weakness. reminding myself it will be a month later this week; don't want to spoil that, need to keep going.
11No Reasons12(4) So very tired. Usually tomorrow would be my non working day, but had to change it to Friday this week because of meetings etc. That seems so far away, with so much to do! What about when I go back to13No Reasons14(3) So very, very tired. Today is last day of working week, but so much to get done/so behind. Urgent referrals and queries coming in. M's birthday today so going to see him tonight, won't get home15(5) Long day at work yesterday, then went to M's house as it was his birthday. Ended up sleeping over, just too tired. Glad he felt he had a good birthday, he's off to London now for a week to see his16(5) A month today. An achievement, but need to keep going.17No Reasons
18No Reasons19(5) Graduation starts today at the university where I work. Nice to see lots of happy students and families - of course I am busy with those who didn't make it..Could put up with noise and crowds if it20(4) My non working day - so tired but managed to get to appt to have my hair cut, did a few errands I'd been putting off. Despite keeping hydrated, have awful headache, which is unusual for me. May be
(4) My non working day - so tired but managed to get to appt to have my hair cut, did a few errands I'd been putting off. Despite keeping hydrated, have awful headache, which is unusual for me. May be
21No Reasons22No Reasons23No Reasons24No Reasons
25No Reasons26No Reasons27No Reasons28(4) Apparently this is hottest day ever recorded in Scotland. why me?? had 4 hour meeting this morning - then went out to have a bit of walk round and ran into another student whose issues I'm dealing29(6) Washing up done, book, tea, cat, much cooler.30(5) Nearly 3.30 - slept well for a while but headache back. Upside is listening to dawn chorus, cooler air than lately. Just get on with some reading, I guess. Today needs to be about cleaning and laundry
1(2) Locked myself out of the new flat - it has one of those doors which locks when you pull it shut. Cant' even remember the last time I did something like this! Sitting here in the library, which2No Reasons3No Reasons4No Reasons5No Reasons6No Reasons7(4) Spent most of weekend in bed, sleeping/resting, after a difficult week at work given volume of work/not feeling well/after effects of move. In theory should have been trying to organise stuff in new
(5) Thanks so much for the comments and hugs on my posts - I'm way behind in commenting/thanking but I've read and treasured every one, particularly at such a s****y time in my life. MP is so special
8No Reasons9No Reasons10No Reasons11No Reasons12No Reasons13(5) 4 am. Woken by loud neighbours (?) but at least it's Saturday....last night had really lovely dinner out with friend14No Reasons
15No Reasons16No Reasons17No Reasons18No Reasons19No Reasons20No Reasons21(5) My birthday - 51, so at least a little better than having to face 50 last year...but rather meh. Spent last night and this morning with M, for first time in a while. Had nice time, gave me the book I
22No Reasons23No Reasons24No Reasons25No Reasons26No Reasons27No Reasons28No Reasons
29No Reasons30(2) One of the worst days I've ever had at work. Ever - in my working life. I managed to get through the day and had support from a couple of colleagues, but now at home the sadness and anger and31(2) And just when I thought it couldn't get worse....boss basically throws me under a bus. REALLY looking forward to tomorrow.....
   1No Reasons2(3) Such a long and awful week - not sure how I did it, but of course partly that I have the support and faith of so many colleagues. So long since I felt this low. Need rest and try to keep from focusing3(3) So tired. Got up at 9 and went out and did shopping, went to library. Came back to flat, chatted with R for a little while, got into bed to read and sit with cat, fell asleep almost immediately. Ate,4(4) Been awake awhile but still in bed (10.40) with cup of tea and cat.
(3) Kept myself busy once I got up this afternoon: cleaning, cooking, laundry. Played some music. Everything distracted me from thoughts of work and this coming week. Now in bed, need to go to sleep
5(3) Awake. 1.14 am. Work tomorrow, need to be up at 6 at latest, really before then. But very, very awake.
(4) Really tired and everything at work is still s**t, but at least the atmosphere feels less oppressive today. Trying to manage my expectations, tho - doesn't mean I've been pulled out from under the bus
6(4) Overslept and was really late to work - particularly embarrassing in current situation. Just more s**t. Week seems interminable7(4) 8(3) Struggling to get through the days at work - my boss is off, not back till Monday, but has clearly told her deputy to keep an eye on me. Not feeling respected or valued, sad, angry - but it's the9No Reasons10No Reasons11No Reasons
12(4) 13No Reasons14(4) Finding it hard to manage sad and defeatist thoughts. Part of it is just that I'm tired, but that's not the main reason I'm struggling. Wish I could take pleasure or pride in something. Feel worn down15(4) 16No Reasons17No Reasons18No Reasons
19No Reasons20No Reasons21No Reasons22No Reasons23No Reasons24No Reasons25No Reasons
26No Reasons27No Reasons28No Reasons29No Reasons30No Reasons