4.9 avg
  1053 days
  10578 hugs
 1(5) We didn't end the year well ? haven't spoken to each other yet today.2(5) Visited grandmother yestday. She isn't very happy with her new home. I'm trying to distance myself from the whole situation. Bf and I talked last night. Today everyone is going to work so I'm on my3No Reasons4(5) My sister could Lode her baby. She's emotional and sad. It would be the second time of it happens. I hope little Julleke survives.5No Reasons6(7) Ready to go to the AirPort. Haven't had stress yet, which is good. But it'll start soon. I have travel sickness. And that stresses me out. I also go to the toilet a lot normally, so that will stress..
7(8) Spoke with my bf about my idea to do something for my birthday. Never done that in the past. I think I might invite my bf's parents, brother, my sister and parents and two friends, at my parents home.8(10) So tomorrow we're gonna choose a ring for me because my boyfriend proposed this evening. But good as he is, he wants to choose the ring together. What a vacation. Can't really believe it yet. ??9(10) So yesterday he said he did want to spend more than a specific amount of money on a ring, which I understood. Well today he bought me a ring. Almost double that amount. We said we would use this ring
(10) We made an evening walk in the snow, got ourselfs a good ice scream. We've been eating unhealthy this vacation, again ?
10No Reasons11(9) We drove to this lake to make pictures for our engagement announcement on Instagram. I think we have a few good ones. For now only a friend of J knows and my ? friends. When we're back home we'll12(8) Today was our last full day on vacation. We went karting and shooting. Tomorrow at 9am we have to be at the airport. In the afternoon/evening we go to the hospital to visit my sister. We hope both13(7) Back home. Tomorrow I have a solicitation for that administrative job with the police.
14No Reasons15No Reasons16(8) 17No Reasons18No Reasons19(6) Not sure how I feel.20No Reasons
21No Reasons22No Reasons23No Reasons24No Reasons25No Reasons26(5) Dinner with my boyfriends family, 11people. Oh boy, i was pretty positive coming here. But now I'm here, it'll be a difficult evening! Fingers crossed.27(7) Time to go to sleep. My mind = wedding this, wedding that, can't forget about this, need to write that on the list, wedding, wedding, wedding..
28No Reasons29(8) Yesterday i recieved an e-mail for a job interview this morning. It went well for my feeling.30(6) Operation on my salivary gland tomorrow.31(6) So apparently my operation is planned at 17.40. And in'm not aloud to eat or drink anything.
    1(6) Little update for those who want to know. Surgery started earlier, but it too longer than expected. They say it went okay. Had something to drink and eat and I'm not sick so far. With my first two2(6) Doctor asked to stay a night longer in the hospital so I did. Now I'm back home. I expected the pain to be worse, so that's good I think.3(6) Thanks for all the support
4No Reasons5No Reasons6(5) After my operation i thouhgt it was normal not to feel very excited. But last few day I expected it to be better. I don't feel happy or excited about anything... not feeling good about this.7(5) So I shared last night, I'm not feeling well mentally. So this morning I did my nails nicely. After 8 days I decided to wash my hair. I wanted to wait till tomorrow, I have an appointment with the8(5) And then they basically say that you had, maybe still have cancer living inside of you.9No Reasons10(4) Lying awake. Thinking ' will it be okay or will it not be okay?' Although I'm pretty sure they'll tell me it's all good the way it is. Still I'm thinking 'what if they say it's not okay' wish it was
11No Reasons12(5) Didn't sleep so well13No Reasons14(5) Went to bed early. Woke up after 1 or 2 hours and nog i van't sleep anymore. Thinking about friday.
(5) My fiance always worked more than 40 hours a week, i find that okay. But lately there's more work and he's werking even more. On days he's home he still works. And he gets more than 5 to 10 calls from
15(2) Not okay
(2) Hospitaal appointment. Waiting for over an hour. Not feeling good today.
(2) I'm such a mess today. Went all wrong with my fiancé last night. And have to wait 6 more weeks for the results if I still have cancer or not.
(1) Wish I still had medication like Solian.
16(5) We cancelled our 'save the date' order last night. Bc with the cancer thing, we're not sure if it can happen on the day we first wanted. Today is a better day than yesterday.17No Reasons
18(7) 19(6) The past few days have been okay. I was 'busy' so i wasn't thinkinking much. I do need a job tho..20(5) Lonely21(4) I wonder if he's actually happy with me.22No Reasons23(7) First day wezrong earrings after my operation. Strange because I don't feel much there. And that part will stay like that forever probably. The rest I should get the feeling back in a few months.
(8) We went to Gent (in Belgium) today with a friend. First time for me and my fiance. It was nice. But city's are always smelly and crowded, which is not really my thing.
24(8) Julie was with us today. We went for a 1,5hour walk with my fiancé's parents and had lunch there. After that we saw e few of my fiancé's friends and then we went to his grandparents. His grandma loves
25(6) The sun is making me lazy
(5) Thinking if i need antidepressants again. How do you know. When do you decide ' need to see a doctor, I need meds'?
26No Reasons27(7) Monday i received a shower/bath soap and bodylotion from Yves Rocher from one of my clients, bc it's my birthday this week. She really didn't have to do that, she's one of those people who is way to28(7) Headache from nose sniffing bc allergies. Muscle pain over my whole body from working with the sanding machine yesterday. Gonna watch home and away, take a bath and at 1pm solicitation. And after
    1(10) Julie is turning 2 today ?? where did the little baby go? Also I had a second interview for a job. Haven't signed anything, but I get the job jeeej!!!2(6) Sister had to go to hospitaal again after Julie's birthday party last night. Hopefully they get it under controls again so she can keep her baby till 36 weeks, which is still 5 weeks.
(7) Birthday party in 2 hours.
(7) Birthday party in 2 hours.
3(8) Had a lovely evening last night with our friends and family!
(7) Saw grandma today. Visited sister in the hospital. Made macaroni, 8.30 pm I feel exhausted ? today was okay.
4No Reasons5(5) Sometimes i wonder, is this it?6(5) I want to feel happiness.7(5) Feeling sad for losing friends. They didn't bring me happiness anymore, not sure why it makes me sad. Maybe bc I hardly have any friends.
(5) Rainy, windy day. Time of the month arrived ?. The last few months, I look forward to my fiancé coming home. But the little time he is, I feel like I'm always moody. Absolutely hate that part of me.
8(7) Looping forward to the weekend. Bf Will be home 3 days. What do you do with friends, your partner or on date night? Inspiration is welcome! I'll probably go buy sunglasses on strength tomorrow. I'm9No Reasons10No Reasons
11(7) Psychologist appointment tonight12(5) Why is it so hard?13No Reasons14(6) Made ? for this afternoon. When I pick up Julie and go visit my sister.
(5) Not doing so good today.
(6) Sister liked the ???. Still not feeling great. Issue with fiancé a few days ago is not fixed yet. Still haven't got a signed contract for my new job where I start monday.
15(4) 16(5) I don't feel very loved, I don't feel admired, I don't feel succeeded, I don't feel happy, I do feel lost, I do feel unworthy, I do feel a headache, sorry for being negative.17No Reasons
18(7) Starting my first workday at the new job.19(7) Sister will have the baby today or tomorrow.
(8) Thomas was born today at 34 weeks pregnancy, 2,826kg and 46cm. Had to work till 8.40pm so I haven't seen him yet. Tomorrow evening after work my fiancé and I will go visit him and my sister.
20(5) Feel disappointed ?21(5) Why cant i just be normal?22(5) Last werkdag of the week. Looking forward to being home.23No Reasons24No Reasons
25No Reasons26No Reasons27No Reasons28No Reasons29No Reasons30(8) If i may believe the doctors, the cancer is gone. Ik have to plan a visit for an ultrasound and visit the doctor who did the operation, every 2to4 months for the next 5 years.31No Reasons
  1(5) Last two weeks a lot of headaches, also my back has been hurting for a while now. Maybe i need to try some stretching exercises.2(5) Really not much to do at work today. That gives me even more time to go crazy from my headache and backache. 1,5 hours to go.3No Reasons4(4) Today i'm not feeling it.. The drive of life..
(5) I miss have a free day for myself. Every free day I have, I have to be somewhere or it's a full house at home. I'm struggling a bit bc I need that day to myself regularly. Do you pandas have this too?
5(3) I feel like I'm completely losing myself again ?
6(5) Hi panda's, how was your day? Mine was okay, the evening a bit less.7(3) So many feelings, so many thoughts. At the same time I don't find the strength or the words to tell my fiancé what's going on inside my head. At night he closes his eyes and falls asleep and I don't.8No Reasons9(2) Fiancé told me last night when I was falling asleep that I'm pushing everyone away. He's right. But he didn't make me feel better by saying that.10(5) Doctors appointment after work11(6) Starting with meds on monday.12(8) Dagje De Haan, electric bikes, nature, sea, my fiancé ?? trying to relax and have a good day with him.
(8) Had a lovely day with my love! It's been a while since I've enjoyed a day out! Think it might be bc I'm looking forward to the meds, bc I want to be happy again. Might sound strange, I was happy when
13(8) Made some mistakes at work satuerday, I'm not surprised unfortunately, it made me feel really bad! Tried meditation da 1, outside, nature, birds, sun. Taking a relaxing bath, washing my hair. And14No Reasons15No Reasons16(7) Work is going better. Sleeping bad this week, think it might be the meds. Hopefully it'll go better next week.17No Reasons18No Reasons19(6) Family day of work today, with our partners and children. It's good, but i'm also be happy when we can go home in hours. A whole sunday is maybe a bit much? Feel like ther's no weekend.
20(7) Family day yesterday was okay. Was extremely tired, went to sleep at 9.10pm. Work was good today. Boyfriend will be home later today. Watching some tv now. Think the meds will do me good. Tired now.21No Reasons22No Reasons23No Reasons24No Reasons25No Reasons26No Reasons
27No Reasons28No Reasons29No Reasons30(7) 31(6) Today and monday i'll be at a different place for work. This morning it was a 1 hour drive. But tonight and monday it'll be worse. Also not a lot of work here and I'm alone. Don't like it.
     1No Reasons2(7) Housewarming BBQ with his friends this afternoon, 30•C. 8.25am giving myself a good ? treatment.
(6) Tired again. I've been tired a lot for over 6 months now. But for the last weeks this is my biggest problem. And i don't know what to do about it. At work it's okay but at home or with friends
3(6) I gained about 2kg this winter, and yesterday I nodes that my shorts from last year don't fit me that well anymore. I was disappointed and feel bad in a lot of my clothes. I was telling my bf that I4No Reasons5(6) Another hatefull day at work. Been eating more bc i felt like i had nothing better to do. Will be happy when it's friday, everything back to normal! Feel tired, two pedicures after work tonight :(6(6) Exhausted today. Already waiting for over an hour for my doctorsappointment ?7No Reasons8No Reasons9No Reasons
10(7) 11(7) 12No Reasons13(7) 14(7) Almost weekend15No Reasons16(8)
17No Reasons18(3) Ill19(5) Almost vacation, staying home from work one more day, still not feeling great. Leaving for france tomorrow night.20No Reasons21No Reasons22No Reasons23(5) Serious question: does anyone know how I can stop having bad dreams at night? It's been 3 weeks and I'm starting to suffer. Tonight it was about my ex, really something I don't want to dream about,
24No Reasons25No Reasons26(8) C'est chaud ?27(9) Today we stay at the house, it'll be 40•C in the shadow soon. So we'll be at the pool and in the shadow. Tomorrow is our last day in France, the week went by so fast! But we really enjoyed it!28(6) One of those days again, it doesn't happen often but when it happens it makes me feel bad. Fiancé is very quiet. When I ask him about it, he said I'm quiet too. Well yes, but that's just me most of
(5) Emotional
29(6) Just saw my ex real fast passing and saying hey, jup the one i dreamed about earlier this week.30No Reasons