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  849 days
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  123 followers
January
MTWTFSS
1(7) Just did a what's app video call with home. Parents, sis +bf + daughter are at my grandma's place. Where I normally would be too if I wasn't in France. Glad I saw grandma, although she probably2(7) Tomorrow last day in France. 5 or 6pm we'll be leaving probably.3(6) On our way back home. Back to reality.4(4)
(5) ?
5(5) Work, want to go home.6No Reasons7(6)
(6) Tomorrow appointment psychologist, it's been two months.
8(6) Psychologist is pregnant again. She'll be out from may probably. But she said we'll see how I am then, maybe I don't need it anymore. If I want I can get an appointment with a colleague of her.
(5) I want to want to go to work..
9(6) 10No Reasons11(6) Not looking forward to my workday tomorrow. Have to start earlier and have 2 times more than 2,5 hours no 'work' don't like it. Good I have to put some things in our new computer agenda.12No Reasons13(6) Exhausted14(5) K** dag!
15No Reasons16No Reasons17(6) 18(6) Want to stay in bed today19(4) My fish isn't doing to well lately since yesterday he is laying on his side. I don't want him to die, but I don't want him to suffer either. So maybe it's best for him if he dies? But still I hope he20No Reasons21(6) Went for lunch with a friend.
(5) Tomorrow I'm gonna get something at the pharmacy for my tummy. It's for more than a month that it's not how it should be. A year ago or longer I took something and it helped so Im gonna try that again
22(5) Blub (the fish) died. I got him from someone at therapy who was tired of it. I don't hear her anymore. Should I email her to let her know she died, or isn't that nececery. What do you think?
(5) I was about to send an email to the previous owner of my fish. But I didn't want to ask how she's doing, just want to let her know that blub wasn't so we'll lately and that he passed away.
23(6) Feel like giving it a 6 but maybe it's 7? Still find it difficult to put a number on it.24(5) Slept really bad. Made a card for 'a friend?' and grandma's birthday. Also started the card for Julie. Gonna take a bath now and think/make a wish list
(3)
25(4) Bad tummy pains again since yesterday. Think it's just stress bc I don't feel good at work.
(2) I really need to do something about this job. Trying not to cry. Still have to work for 4,5 hours. Feel like I can't talk to anyone about this. And I feel like slipping away. Wish I could just go home
(5) Mentally feeling bit better. Tummy is still not ok. If that stops tomorrow night or Saturday then it is probably just stress for the make-up course tomorrow.
26(5)
(5) Work from 9.40 am till 10.50pm. now I have to get my head in ? modus bc tomorrow morning back to work. Maybe it's a 6, not sure
27(6) Boyfriend's invites parents, sis and Julie over at his and his brothers appartments. He's gonna cook them dinner. Hope it's gonna be a nice evening.am @work now, pretty tired.28(4)
(3)
(2) I feel so bad today. And there's no one I can talk to. That only makes it so much worse.?
29(6) I think today is gonna be okay30(6) @work, everything with me to put on my ?. Forgot the ? at home. ? Lucky my boss lives here and I asked her if she had bread for me.31(6) Boyfriend got up around 8am, went downstairs to watch some TV and do some fitness. I got up around 11pm wooops ?
February
MTWTFSS
   1(5) Not feeling so good today, mentally.
(4) Now my bf seems to not want to talk to me bc he's afraid to say something wrong. Guess I'll be sleeping alone tonight, don't know ??
(4) Boss just asked if I'm still happy with my job, if I want something to change, if I find my hours too much. Said there are not much clients for me lately. Can't say I hate my job lately..
(2) Bf wants to be alone tonight. I'm really not okay
(5) Goodnight pandas, stay safe!
2No Reasons3No Reasons4(5) Annoyed by the way bf and his brother talk to each other. I know it's normal to them. But to me it's making me moody, especially if I haven't had breakfast yet, his brother are it all.
(5) Boyfriend's brother is threatening that he's not gonna rent the appartment with him anymore. It all started when I came in the picture. Something more to worry and stress about.
(2)
(2) Life can be so hard without friend.
(0) his brother really dislikes me. And boyfriend is thinking about breaking up with me. and now i seriously have no one to talk to. and i'm not coaping well. i hate my job, no friends, soon no boyfriend
(1) Pandas, how do you get through this if you have no one to talk to???
(0) Took a paracetamol and acceclofenac, probably won't hurt me. But I haven't done this for two year, taking pills course I can't handle it anymore. And now I did ? how did I get here. I don't want
(0) We broke up
(0) Tried 2 self-care chats. They're both busy. Always heard it's like that, gues
5(3) He said maybe he's just scared bc it's getting sirious, first time for him. Also said he's only looking at the things hat enjoy him, while we had so many nice moments
(4) I want to apologise to those who k drove crazy with all my posts last night. Thanks panda's for being here for me. I might nog have answerd every comment. But I've read them all. Hugs.
(5) He let deliver flowers to my home.
(5) He's gonna come and pick me up any time soon now. Curious to what he'll have to say. Psychologist in 1hour and a half. Managed to get through the day okay. Work day at home
6(5) Next 20min I'll know what to do at work but after that? No idea. Gonna ask my boss when she's done with her costumer. Later today 15 min work for me and the rest of the week clients for me for 2 hours
(5) Wish I could easily explain on here why bf did what he did Sunday. But psychologist said that he didn't mean it bad and that it's okay to give him another chance. Basically his brother made him chose.
7(6) His brother went to bed at 8.25 pm last night, verry mature isn't. Guess he doesn't dare to see me. The mom is gonna help me with my curriculum Vitae and will give me tips for when I have a job
(5) So insecure tonight. Trying to stay strong. He's nodesing I'm insecure but guess he's okay with it
8(4) Maybe bf is right. Maybe I should go to the doctor and call in sick for a bit. I'm crying like a child, my job get me down mentally. It's not well at all. Constantly looking for another job.9(5) Doctor only lets me stay home today. Tomorrow I took the day of for a weekend away I already had planned with bf
(5) Thinking about the fact that his brother let him choose between him and me. When I think about it I feel dissepointed, little bit angry, empty and useless. And I find that my mom is right, he should
10(9) On our way to Den Haag in The Netherlands11(5) Emotionally not so good. It's all so mind f******
(6) Don't want to go home tomorrow. Back to reality. The day after I have to go to work again ? my mom said earlier this week she finds my bf's brother should apologise towards me. I said I don't believe
12(6) Bf just left. Now it's back to the real life. Think I'm gonna go to a store now and than unpack everything, put everything back to it's spot. And probably watch some TV or edited some photos.
(5) Pff
(5) Lately I sometimes feel like I might need antidepressants again. But I guess feeling how I feel lately is just a part of life?
13(5) Almost done with work. 50 minutes. Today there were enough treatments for me to do. So that was good. Feel like I'm losing my love for my job, today it came back a little bit. Managed to get through
(5) Feel like I have way too many mood swings lately
14(5) 15(5) Tomorrow will be a shitty day again at work. Gonna try enjoy my evening.
(5) Boss just texted me, apparently I'm starting work later again tomorrow... What about all this hours she paid me and I still have to work, when will I do that?
16(5) 1 more day, almost weekend17No Reasons18No Reasons
19(5)
(6) Finally. Booked myself a sothys sensations orientales body treatment. The 3th of march in the afternoon.
20(6) I had to wait 2 weeks but tommorow it's there. I have an appointment with a beautician, it's a bit far from where I live now, really close to where bf works. Don't know if I'll like it, or if she'll21(6) Just arrived for the job meeting. Stress is really coming now.
(6) For my feeling it went well! Have to wait until she'll let me know something now.. hoping she woun't call my boss, cause she doesn't know I'm looking for something else.
(5) Boss just texted me, 10pm. That I don't have to start at 10.30am tomorrow but at 12pm. Is this still normal?
22No Reasons23No Reasons24(6) Tomorrow lunch at J's parents home. Wich means I'll probably see the brother for the first time after what happened25(6) J and his brother were planning on moving n with there parents again for a while. But if J could chose he would come live with my parents and I for a while. He sleeps, eats 5 nights a week at my place
(5) Made the effort to make an original package for the money for Julie. Sis and her bf arrived at parent's home and saw it standing in living room. It wasn't finished. They opend it bc they thought it
26No Reasons27No Reasons28(6) Today is my day
(4) Feel like this date has been cursed
(5) Finally bought myself a laptop. Went to a wellness with bf for two hours, it's was for my birthday. Not so fun, got sick today. No work for me anymore this week. Hope I can go to Julie's birthday
March
MTWTFSS
   1(5) Went to see Julie, now her mom is I'll too. So sad she can't celebrate her daughter's first birthday.2(6) Boyfriend and I are invited to go over for a drink for one of his friends birthday. Still feel pretty tired but think I might go. We're not gonna make it too late anyway cause bf has to work tomorrow.3(7) We didn't go last night. It changed to tonight. Bought hair coloring, stopped doing that a while ago. But I want a bit darker hair again :). Leaving for my massage in 1 hour. Excited! ?
(6) Massage was really good. Just drove my boyfriend's car for the first time. He sells cars, so he has a car from work. He doesn't let anyone drive it. So I'm a bit scared when I drive it, cause I don't
4(5) Having a hard time adjusting. Had to make room for boyfriend's stuff. Having him more around and also being around my parents scares me. Guess I have the hardest time of everyone with this change.
5No Reasons6(6) Lately when I post something on my Instagram, I end up deleting it... Why?
(6) Psychologist meeting tomorrow evening. Boyfriend is coming, to talk about the behavior I have to change. I'm a bit scared. Never handled it verry when people say something about my behavior..
7(7) Psychologist went well.8No Reasons9(5) Out for dinner with 16 people. Bf and his brother started arguing about bills, there parents were listening. I was on my phone. Switched my phone off and went to the toillets. Can't handle it when10(4) Headache, want work to be over!
(4) Fees oke I might be starting to panic. Boyfriend is leaving tomorrow for vacation. And I'm stuck with a job I don't like. Feeling a bit down.
11(5) Not sure how to feel now boyfriend is gone. He's having fun and okay it's good to have some time to organize stuff but 10days without him, while he's having fun.. I don't know. I know I'm selfish.
(5) I have to say goodbye to that friendship!
12(7) Just made my first bath bomb, hoping it works. Excited. Think I'll try one out tomorrow evening.
(5) Headaches have been getting worse again ? Haven't done my exercises properly ...
13(6) Colleague is I'll. 1,5 hour no work. Then a pedicure and then I have to hurry home for another pedicure. Headaches are getting worse, they make me not feel so great.14(6) Up so far doing okay without boyfriend here. He videocall's me everyday at least ones. Today is my free day. Not feeling happy but not depri either. Just a little bit down maybe? I don't know
(6) Been thinking about Easter. Don't know what to give a 13month old. Gifts, it's always so difficult
(5) Now I wish he was here
15(8) Received some colorful flowers this morning!
(5)
16(4) Not happy today. Feeling emotional too. Just arrived at work.
(6) Exhausted. I'll be appt when it's 1pm tomorrow, finally weekend. Have to pick up a small 'cabinet?' with my sis. Wanneer put it back in my room now bf moves in. Then I can give everything a place.
17No Reasons18No Reasons
19No Reasons20(7) Going home. Boyfriend will be there soon21No Reasons22No Reasons23No Reasons24No Reasons25No Reasons
26No Reasons27(5) Didn't hear back from that job interview. It was the 21st of February. So over a month now. Dissepointed. Feel like nothing is changing.28No Reasons29(6) Tomorrow one more work day and then an early weekend. Need it.30(5) Bought two bouquets with tulips. Tomorrow it's two years ago little Lize was born. Can't believe it's been two years. Thinks sis appreciated the flowers. Hope she gets through this time a bit okay.31No Reasons
April
MTWTFSS
      1No Reasons
2No Reasons3No Reasons4No Reasons5(5)
(5) -
6(4) 7(6)
(7)
8(5) Going for a waffle with boyfriend's brother, parents and grandparents. What a fun few hours is this. Just not gonna say much to them anymore. Everyone seems to be annoyed or whatever it is.
(4) Pretty sure his parents and brother find it y fault that they don't see there son enough. I know better, I know he is at work a lot. We almost never have a free day for us. Our free days go to family
(4) Exhausted, went to be at home in my bed
9(7) Today is going okay. Not great , not bad, just a relax day. Only two pedicures today, not mad for it. Next Monday will be really busy. Tomorrow back to work ?
(3)
10(7)
(5) Friends? Why would I still believe that it exists
11No Reasons12No Reasons13(4) Not so good. Dissepointed in friends, who I don't have anymore. Says a lot about me. Boyfriend is meetingb his friends tonight. So untill he gets home it's be a quite evening.14No Reasons15(4) Not sure
(8) I just drove the kodiaq for the first time.
16(5) It's getting worse17(2) How do you know you feel sick bc you feel mentally not wel oren bc you just are sick? Because to be honest I don't know what it is.
(3) He wants to go to dinner with our parents. Apparently he includes his brother in that, bc he lives at home. My sis he didn't include bc she lives on her own. When he said with our parents, I thought
18(5) Dropped my phone earlier today. To get it fixed it's 100€ I looked up my phone, a now one costs 150€, isn't it better to buy a new one then? Only had it since november or december, another thing to19(5) Starting work a bit later again today. Really don't want to go. Allergies are really bad at the moment. And it's warm. So at work it'll probably be too hot for me ugh.
(4) Not doing so well at work. Let a tear roll earlier when I was with my colleague. Think she almost has a burnout. I'm not okay at all either. We're both unhappy here. I'm thinking about calling in sick
(2) At work I thought, maybe I'll survive tomorrow. Got home, eaten and started crying. Scared to cancel work, what would I say to my boss, feel as for the clients they have to cancel, scared what my
20(4) Texted my boss that I don't come to work today. Her reply 'ok, hopefully you can come tomorrow'
(5) Tired of waiting at the doctor's. 2hours and a half already.
(1) ? phonecall from my boss. She said I should've said something sooner, is she blind? Now she has to do all my work, she said a lot of things and each one more than 5 times. I don't want to go back
(4) Can't seem to get myself to do anything. Scares me a bit. Boyfriend will be home soon. Tomorrow afternoon. Ikea with boyfriend and my mom. Last time I year when I was in Ikea it was chaos for me.
21No Reasons22(8) Our bikes were on the attic,we don't use them a lot. Just went for a bike ride with my boyfriend, to my sister and Julie. A bit tired, but actually it did me really good, sunny day.
(5) It was only yesterday I realized how bad it actually goes with me. Now I understand that doctor lets me stay home till the end of the week, I need it.
23(6) Mondays I work on my own. So today I'm working, two more to go and I'm done. Told my I'll cook dinner tonight, she's working in the garden. Gonna try to relax a bit too in between.
(7) Pretty productive day
24(7) Bath time with Julie ?
(5) We were scared for this. Today we got the phonecall. Grandma's cancer is back. Third time. She's suffering from this Disease for over 12 years now. She won't take it well I'm afraid, with everything
25(5) Grandmother is not taking the news well, as expected. Tomorrow evening my mom is going to the hospital appointment with her, one of my mom's brothers is coming too. He's with her now.
(6) Thinking if i should create a facebook account again. If it'd help me to create a social life again. Difficult after all these years.. don't really know what's best to do
26(5) Met up with someone from when I used to be in group therapy, it was okay. Waiting for mom to come home with the results of grandma's cancer. Looking forward to bf comming home from work27(7) Spend all day at home. Fiday so sis and Julie will ben here soon and we will get fries for dinner as usual. Bf left early for work. He goes for dinner with a friends forever her birthday, so he'll be
(8) Last night I recieved frowers from my boyfriend, completely unexpected. He's such a good support to me.
(5) All of a sudden a bit down. Moodswing, not sure why.
28(3) Emotional29(6) Tired
30(6) Mom just helped me making the mothersday gift from Julie. Needed someone to assist me ? need to do my headache exercise, cause headache's been Hettinga worse over the last few days.
May
MTWTFSS
 1(7) He Found a place where we can go for two nights later this month. We will ride a vespa and have a wellness moment. Looking forward to it. A relaxing weekend.2(6) Last day at home. Tomorrow back to work, but i try not to think about it to much. Work for two days and a half. Monday morning job interview, after kon work. Tuesday work and the rest of the i'm free,
(5) Got a text from mybos. 'don't know if you come together work tomorrow, but if you could i'd like you to come at 9.15'. Can feel the stress comming up like crazy. Normaliter i start at 10.30. is there
(4) It's only the day before I get back to work and I'm already crying.
3(5) Didn't sleep well.
(5) I got fired.
(6) I was scared for dad's reaction, totally not needed!
(4) grandmother
4(5) Grandma's first chemo for this cancer yesterday. She came home and wasn't doing so we'll. Mom went to the emergency with her. Couldn't get in contact, so when bf was home, we went over there. Today
(6) Good morning pandas
(7) This morning I went to the trade union (is it the right translation?) to der where I stand. I asked my grandma's, her husband, his brothers wife if she wanted to go to the hospital with me. They're
(5) 4,5
5(5) Some of you asked about the job, we'll I van look for an other job. I'll still be payd the next 9 weeks. Currently i'm waiting for my boss's letter with the reason why she fired me. Cause to me she6(5) Did not sleep well
(7) Little princess was here today
(7) Yesterday dinner with our parents and his brother, was pretty fine 7 Today a local marked. BF, Julie, mom and I walked there. Sis was selling some things there. A lot of people, bit too much for a
(6) Grandma didn't look good and was Berry grumpy. Hopefully we'll know something more tomorrow. The nurse will send by a psychologist, I hope she might talk to that person. Wouldn't hurt anyone..
(5) She just canceld the job interview. She'll call me tomorrow. Now I'm stressed.
7(6) Grandma is home again. Didn't get a phonecall for job interview. Tired.
(5) She didn't call. Disappointed. Feel useless. She always sais she'll contact me but never does.
8(5) I texted her last night. Gonna go over tomorrow afternoon.9(6) Had the job interview, going back next wednesday to see how it rolls there. She said it can be pretty hectic, didn't tell her but I'm pretty scared for that. Hectic is not my thing.
(7) Psychologist. Going by bike. It's only 1,5km and I always go by car. Bit pathetic right? Sunny day, no job, so I thought, why not go by bike?
(4) Feeling a bit lost
10No Reasons11No Reasons12No Reasons13No Reasons
14(4) Having a cold? for over a week now. Was planning on going to the doctor's tomorrow, cause today I work on my own. But my voice is only worse that yesterday. So I just cancelled my clients and I'm15(7) 8 months with J. Voice is still not back yet. Tomorrow I have to go to baccaris, hopefully my voice will be better then, but I'm afraid it won't be. Mentally I'm doing pretty okay.16(6) Voice is still not okay. Second bad night because I constantly had to cough. I arrived early at the 'beauty salon'. Curious if I'll like it or not. And hope it's not gonna be to hard with my voice.
(4) Feeling like I'll explode
(4) All of a sudden I got pain in my ear and the rest is still not better. Doctor is gonna call me when I can come over. I just want to be healthy and well by Sunday, was looking forward to this so much.
17(5) Why would you post on here if no one can read it. Annoyed. Was gonna see how you panda's are doing, now I don't feel like it anymore. I know I shouldn't let it influence me, cause it's not the other18(6) If it was completely up to you, would you get married on the future? Let's say someone you love asks you to marry them, would you?p Pure hypothetically?19(7) Boyfriend and I have our weekend away from Sunday till Tuesday. We booked a deluxe room with bath. Sunday evening wellness, Monday Vespa and Tuesday we'll see what we'll do. They called today that the20No Reasons
21No Reasons22(4) Anxiety
(5) I feel not understood so often
23(6) 24(7) Today was a 6 or 7 I guess25(5) In bed but my mind woun't switch off. Might be less than a five.26(6) I think today will be okay. Hope you all have a good weekend panda's!
(5) 23.50 and neighbour is playing music so loud. Hot weather so really want the window open tonight. Senses him a message on boyfriend's fb, in my name, if the noise can cut down on a bit. But don't
27(9) He really loves me. He's so good to me. And my parents too. They didn't do everything perfectly during my growing up (communication and complimenting mostly), but everything they do, is bc they love
28No Reasons29No Reasons30No Reasons31(4)
June
MTWTFSS
    1(5) How did you know which job you wanted to do?2No Reasons3(5) Pretty annoyd/ upset. Sis asked my parents over saturday evening for her bf's bday. Two options. 1. She didn't nodes I wasn't on the table when invited them. 2. I'm not invited because his best
(4) Feeling sad. Feeling lost Feeling like I'm nothing, zero.
4(5) Few nice moments in the garden. Mom started about the bday party saturday, mood is ruined now.5No Reasons6No Reasons7(5) I'm scared we woun't make it.8(7) Just had a lovely body treatment I booked last month. Saved the money people give me extra on mondays. Couldn't switch my mind of. She had to give me back 1€, said she could keep it. Also I asked if9(5) Sisters boyfriend is driving me nuts. It's hard to just let it go.
(5) The evening will be difficult. Stressed about sis her bf's behavior, for a few days now, I'd rather not see him. Will see my ex, didn't really care about it, but bc I feel stressed and all of that,
(7) The evening wasn't too bad
10(7) Boyfriend's parents invited us out for breakfast and a walk afterwords. Lately I struggle pretty bad with 'what will I where, where do I feel good in't and now I had to choose an outfit that was
11No Reasons12(7) 13No Reasons14(3) Not so good15No Reasons16(8) Today was pretty good. Finally bought the watch. Afternoon boyfriend and I have helped planting leek plants behind us where I used to come a lot as kid. Old memories came back, and they were glad with17(7) Today was okay.
18No Reasons19(8) Julie was very good today. She's finally walking on her own, verry nice to see.20(8) Boyfriend and I went to the Efteling today.21(7)
(5)
22No Reasons23(5) Emotional about something other people probably find stupid.24No Reasons
25No Reasons26(7) Today was good, Julie was here.
(5) Sometimes I'm not sure how I'm actually doing.
27(6) Productif day at home.28(6) Sorted out my clothing a bit. Unsubscribed some accounts on YouTube. YouTube watch later from +/- 200 to 0 en now to 2 :) Okay day. Tummy isn't doing too well now ?29(6) career counseling later today30(8) We went to the beach today. Lovely day! Boyfriend's brother is coming over in a bit and he's bringing a girl ????
(5) Difficult conversations with BF, BF bro and his girlfriend.
(6) Had a great day. His brother kind off ruined my mood. Did talk about it with boyfriend and I wrote it down. So I feel a bit better now, but earlier it was a 4.
July
MTWTFSS
      1(5) Meeting up with his parents and two friends of them. Not really up for it after last night :(
(7) Brunch at home this morning for my parents, they're married 29years today so we 'celebrated' with the seves of us.
2No Reasons3(4) Bad night
(7) My boyfriend seems to be happier when he's with my family then when he's with his family.. And now I'm writing this I all of a sudden think 'he isn't staying with me just for my family is he?'
4No Reasons5(5) I miss my sister.
(5) I'm not sure if I've said this already, don't think so. My boyfriends brother (who ones made my bf chose between his brother and me) has a girlfriend.
6(6) Boyfriend and I recently made an Instagram account for us both. A friend of him texted, asked how he's doing now he's living with me. And that he seems to like the 'country side's here. And that his
(7) Can't believe Belgium won again! Normally I don't follow sports.
7(6) I've bought something that I find a lot of money. Still doubting. Can't believe I did it.8No Reasons
9No Reasons10No Reasons11No Reasons12(5) Not living a productive life lately13(5) Emotional. I don't dare to sprak it out to my boyfriend. His brother thinks he das found the one. I'm emotional bc i'm thinking again that he almost caused a break up for us, while we were happy.14No Reasons15No Reasons
16No Reasons17(5) Why does it have to be so difficult?18(7) Hi panda's, how has your day been?19No Reasons20No Reasons21No Reasons22(5)
23No Reasons24No Reasons25No Reasons26No Reasons27No Reasons28No Reasons29No Reasons
30No Reasons31No Reasons