4.6 avg
  679 days
  7611 hugs
  112 followers
January
MTWTFSS
      1(5) Dear pandas, I wish you all a healthy year and a lot of love!
(5) My dad's behavior makes me think about wanting to move out. We have to leave for new year at my grandmothers, but at this moment I could start crying.
(5) Is Moodpanda social media?
2No Reasons3No Reasons4No Reasons5No Reasons6No Reasons7(3) So far my 7 days social media detox. I'm having a melt down and don't know where else to go. Planned more than a month ago to go to an open air museum tonight. It's of old houses, loved it as a kid.8No Reasons
9(5) Have to get up in 7,5 hours to get ready for work. But I can't seem to fall asleep. Would it be because my 7 days social media detox ends in half an hour?10(7) My employer asked me today how I was feeling about work. I said I liked it and enjoy it. She's content too and said she likes how I do my best. She also said I'll be getting more workhours soon11(3) Bought a Canon powershot G1 Mark ii online. It was recomended to me for filming. But it makes this noice when te lens is focussing. Payed about ?550 for it and I'm not happy at all with that noice.
(2) Stressed and ancious
12(5) So so tired. Wanted to go to sleep early, but my mind appetently can't go to sleep till my mom gets home.13No Reasons14No Reasons15(5)
16(5) It doesn't feel as safe as it used to You won.17No Reasons18(5) How do I keep doing this? Eaten so manny cookies today that I feel sick.I really do feel bad!19(5) All of a sudden not feeling great. My bf isn't really a man that cares a lot for his looks, and I miss that in him. I guess I just realized that I miss physical atraction with my boyfriend ;s20No Reasons21No Reasons22(2)
23(5) Don't really feel the support anymore unfortunately24(5) Grouptherapy tomorrow morning25No Reasons26No Reasons27No Reasons28(5) 29(3) Crying
30No Reasons31No Reasons
February
MTWTFSS
  1(6) Not working today. Downzing a bit in my room. Tols my parents I'll make dinner tonight
(6) Last year I used to watch Temptation island. The first episode of this year is on tv, I'm already not watching anymore. Isn't it strange how we change so much, so quickly?
2(5) Been working 19hours/week for two months now and I'm still so tired all the time. Thought it would get better but it still didn't ;s3(2) Feeling verry low. I'm reaching my limit. Finishing up at work now.
(2) What is wrong with me. Crying
4(6) Decoraties my grandma's home a bit for her birthday in a few days, she's turning 80. Now waiting for her to come back from the store with my mom and sister. Wanne know how she'll react.5(5) Out for a family dinner for grandma's 80the birthday. With the kind of family that not much or never come to visite het or ask how she's doinh, you know.... yeeey
(5) Thank you lovely pandas for being here. I haven't been able to give much support lateley, but I nodest that it doesn't have to mean that I can't get any support. Thank you for being here for me!
6No Reasons7No Reasons8(6) Happy that I had a day of, I really needed it! Went to grouptherapy this morning and got my hair cut.
(6) Getting fysicly closer again with my bf sunday, did do good to my feelings. Feeling it a bit more again, wich makes me feel a bit better.
9No Reasons10(5) Just got a text 'goodmorning. How are you? x ' had to go looking in my phonebook because the number wasn't in my phone. It's my ex boyfriend. Why the hell is he texting me now??????11(6) Normally on saturday I work 2 hours, 10-12. But today I worked from 9 till 14 and it was good, it was fun. I feel it again. Today was a good day. I'm tired but good!12(6)
13(5) Psychologist today. Talked about the texts from my ex. She says, the way he writes it, he's trying to get in contact with me again.14No Reasons15No Reasons16(7) Got a text from my boss, I did great work, clients said I did a great job and she's happy to have me in her tream. Second time I get a text like this frol her.17No Reasons18(7) Work for three hours, grosereystore with mom and grandma. Went to a few shops with mom. Good day. Happy that I'm able to do something on saturday afternoon, instead of comming home and Sleep nd rest19(4) Did you ever feel like your relationship with your partner is getting boring? What did you do? How did you deal with it? Comments are welcome.
20(5) Next 4 days are gonna be so busy. Work and a course again about some of the products. A bit afraid I'll be too tired. But we'll see how it goes I guess21No Reasons22(6) Yesterday I had a full agenda at work, liked it. Sometimes a little bit too full, but could count on the others to help. It was nice, cause lately it was more calm at work.
(5) Sis was here earlier, she's constantly in pain with the bruised rubs and pregnancy. She says she hope's the baby comes earlier, just bc she's in that much pain. It's for the 29th of march.. sad to see
23No Reasons24(5) Off to the last work day before vacation. So tired and headachs are worse again. Head really hurts and the day is just starting.
(5) @work. Mom texted me, sis has to go to hospital. Everything will probably be okay, but all the stuff with Lizeke is comming back, can't concentrate anymore. Wanne talk to my sis but she isn't picking
(5) Sis has to stay in hospital. If meds don't work she has to give birth wensday, if they do work it'll be for in two weeks, so not the 29th. They say it'll be fine. Just a bit upset, lost. But ok I thin
25No Reasons26(5) Went to the hospital fridaynight, also went to see her yesterday. Sis doesn't have any pics of her pregnancy bellen, so we were planning a little photoshoot for today. But she had to go to hospital,
(7) Had a day with my by yesterday. We went to ikea wich was dissapointing, neither of us get why 'everyone' talks about it. Went to my sis, Trev bought a present for when the little one gets born. And
27(5) I bought my sis the 'pink doodoo dog' from the birthlist. She didn't know, and was panicking a little now cause you need it from the moment your little one is born. She had the gift, told them to open28No Reasons
March
MTWTFSS
  1(8) Extremely nervous, my sister is gonna give birth today!
(10) Little Julie got born at 36 weeks. Her weight is 3,345kg and lenght is 48,5cm. I became a godmother again!
2(2) When many people are arround I start feeling bad. I feel like a selfish person that constantly needs attention. Otherwise I start feeling bad?3(5) Not happy ;s4(7) We're gonna pick up the new mom and baby from the hospital in an hour!
(3) Feeling verry low. Headaches are really bad again lately. Been a bit I'll this week but didn't really take time to rest. Seen way to manny people this week. Feel like I can cry. Sended my bf away.
5(9) When my sis gave birth, she didn't want her bf to text us right away. But when they did, I rushed over there. I was in there room and the bf came to get me. Sis was breastfeeding. I went in there
(5) Last night I was pretty bad. Took a while to realize it was probably cause I'm trying to stop with my antidepressents, and didn't take any yesterday. Also, I totally went in overdrive during my week
6(6) Thank you moodpanda an pandas! I feel like I've been recieving more than I give again lately, I want you to now I'm not taking it for granted. Thanks! And I'll try to more my best in the future
(5) I like to film Julie's life. I've got a few shots and a few pics with me in it and I can't stand it. How I look, my voice, it's getting hard again to see myself.. Not sure how I'm gonna do this.
7(5) Tomorrow back to grouptheraphy. It's every other week, 2hours on wensdag morning. In the future it'll be every week, at the moment it's still free. I'm thinking about quitting it...8(7) Sister and Julie got to go home today. Can't believe she's already a week old! Happy that they're home!9(6) Tired10(7) My boyfriends sister is pregnant and appt me today with a photo of a piece of clothing for the little one and said it's a girl. First thought, another girl. Her husband already has two girl, my sis
(3) Feel like something's wrong with me
11(8) Today I took the first picture of Julie while whe was smiling. Her mom and my parents totally love it! Must admit I also kinda love it ??
(8) Just got home from a date with my good friend. She gave me two bracelets for my birthday, totally my style. I thankt her for the bd-card she sended me. Appetently her dad chose it bc she was ook.
12(7) Feel like I'm getting a lot of compliments lately
13No Reasons14(3) Asked my colleague how she fonds it to be with 3 in stead of two. She Said she had to adjust to it, she has less work now and she feels unnececery. Makes me feel really bad. Didn't expect this answer15(7) Julie is two weeks old now, today the first day I didn't see her. Mom was verry suprised I didn't go there today. Worked a bit at home and stayd with the dog all day. Looking forward to date saturday16(7) Excited for my date saturday night. Hope this'll give us the relationship feeling again. We'll have food and a activity. But what, where,... is a surprise for me17(5) Exhauted, lady's day at work next friday gives us so much work. Many new products to set up, put them in the computer and sell. I'll be happy when it's over. Drove me almost nuts today!18(7) Julie was lying on my moms tummy. But she had cramp so she stretched her legs. She stoot on her two feet, and her head was resting on mom. But how? She's not 3 weeks old yet and has so much strength,
(8) Boyfriend arrieved with flowers, went to eat something, went to the movies afterwoods and he gave me a cd (something i asked him a while back) It was just an evening for us.
19(4) Crying. Feel like my partner loves me so much more than I love him and I don't know what to do with it or how to deal with it. Ik makes me so sad and insecure.
(4) How do I know if I love him?
(5) My mood and feelings can change so fast. A lot of the time I seem to forget that I'm slowing down my antidepressents. Wich has a big inpact on me I think.
20No Reasons21No Reasons22(5) Ugh, grouptherapy again :(23(5) Verry tired. Have to start work at 9, the lady's day ends at 8:30 in the evening. Will be a long day ?? and saturday I'll have to start at 9.30 I think. Just want some rest24(5) Worked for 12 hours, picked up some fries on my way home. Gonna wash my face now and go to bed. Really tired25(5) Feeling low26(7)
27(7) Such a nice weather today, gives me a happy mood28(4) Had such a bad night because of my eczema :(
(7) Another sunny day. Being able to go outside in a t-shirt after work, qo lovely. Meeting my bf, sis and her bf and Julie at McDonald.
(5) The clutter in my room, is clutter in my head. I tried to clean it all up several days now, but didn't succeed. Think I need to downsized and declutter a bit more. Might do this tomorrow..
29(7) Declutterd and downsized a bit today. Good that my dresser is sorted out again.30No Reasons31No Reasons
April
MTWTFSS
     1No Reasons2No Reasons
3No Reasons4No Reasons5(3) 6(7) Decided to quit grouptherapy. In two weeks will be my last sesion, to say goodbye. Boss asked me to work more hours. Have a talk about it tomorow I think. Life changing moments.. Happy about it, also7(5) Parents both being home. Hearing the 'discussions' and hearing the crutches fall brings me back to when I was 16, bit of a trauma. It's nothing like back then now, just flashing back8(5) Grandma fell, cut in her head. Her son was with her. He said it wasn't so bad and eventually left. Told her to call him if anything goes wrong. Mom got a missed call, we just drove by, so I turned the9No Reasons
10No Reasons11(5) Last few week I've been slowly gaining weight. I'm eating a lot lately, no so healthy and I don't know how or what to do to lose weight. It's not doing me good!12No Reasons13No Reasons14(5) One tree hill, my favorite serie since i've been a teenager. Watcht the episodes so many time. Now watching het episode where Jimmy kills himself. Seen this so many times, I know it's just tv, it's15(5) Eversince I'm in this relationship I'm worried about the sex, I'm totally insecure, emotional and I feel like I can't relaxed because my mind goes crazy. Feel like I need to talk about this with16(6) Bf arrieved friday, and just left. So happy I'm finally alone! I knew there'll be people here who'll understand me. I'm not used to be arround people 24/7. Bf being with my, my parents, sis and her bf
17(4) I need rest, I need to be alone, I need everyone to just let me be. I wanne dissapear from this planet!
(3) Stomach hurts so bad I can't sleep
18No Reasons19(7) Today I'll say goodbye to grouptherapy.
(5)
20(2) Knowing that everyday it gets worse and feeling like there's nothing you can do about it.21No Reasons22No Reasons23(4) it was half past 1, I wasn't doing so well. I what's appt my good friend in the hope she would answer me in the morning. But I was lucky, she answerd me straight a way. It was good she was there.
(5) Explaing my numbers! I quit antidepressents 1,5 week ago. Not feeling great this last week. some moments I feel really bad BUT if I compare it with while my depression, it's not that I'm doing that
(5) Friend from tonight asked how I was doing today. Was supose to meet another friend for a good ice cream, so I just did that, was okay. Bit of crafting, editing photo's. Almost going to bed now.
24(5) That moment you realize your getting ready one hour too early in the morning25(7) Yesterday was an okay day!
(8) Good day. Saw bf again tonight after he let me be for a few days cause I needed it. Was good seeing him
(8) To those whe experienced it. When you stopped anti depressants, what changed? Not like the first week, feeling bad and all that, but like after 1 or 2 months. What is different?
26(8) 3th good day in a row27(7) Just got home from work, 10 minuts ago. Long day, verry verry tired! Bad headache28(8) When during your last working hour on a friday, you're boss sais 'you can stay home tomorrow, I can manage on my own. You worked late yesterday, you can have a long weekend' Me happy!!29(5) Not really okay30No Reasons
May
MTWTFSS
1(7) On the way to Durbuy with my boyfriend. Going for a walk and picknick. Hope it's not gonna rain. I'm letting bf drive the care so I can save my energie a bit.
(6) Mood drop, emotional
(8) Had a nice picknick with my bf by the water in the Ardens. Sun wasn't shining, but it was nice to be outside. That moment deserves an 8.5
(8) Climbing with my guy, my fears were definetly there, but with the help of my bf I made it upstares.
(7) Really have to start eating more healthy. I'm gaining weight + my teeth aren't so good. Should also start brushing them 2 times a day. Yes I know, shame on me, I only do it in the morning;s Time to
2(7) Stuff from climbing yesterday, tomorrow it'll probably be worse. Yesterday I was thinking to start running again tomorrow, but if it's gonna rain like today.. I'll probably not do it cause I don't3(8) I did it! First run of 2017, 2km, have to start somewhere. I really really hope I can keep it up. Dear me, don't quit the running, it'll do you good!4(7) I am okay, but about the situation I feel like 4 or 5 I can ask anything about treatments or products to my boss or colleague. But apperently college can't ask things to boss. Okay she might work5No Reasons6(5) I spilled quite some pink nail polish on my apron at work. Made me feel bad. I know there are worse thing in life. I guess I was angry at myself bc I just bought it. Didn't even have it a week yet,
(5) I'll never get used to it. I'm getting thougher on it but it doesn't hurt less. When people cross your path, you have contact and then they slowly stop the contact
(7) Afternoon was good
7No Reasons
8(7) Second run of the year. 2km. First km was the hardest
(8) Good day. Don't know what to get my boyfriend for our 1 year together. It'll stress me out if I can't find something soon
(7) Started a diary again. Started a new one, my old one wasn't full yet, but that book feels like a different life time. Even just seeing it, I feel like that chapter is closed.
9(8) Made a mothersday gift with Julie
(5) Doubting I'm a good girlfriend
(5) He so sure and I'm so unsure. Is it bc I don't love him or is it bc I'm scared. Wish I just knew. Wish I knew what the future would hold.
10(7) Lovely weather today. Went for a run. Mom wanted to go to the ALDI, so I drove her there. Was gonna buy her a nice bouquet of flower next weekend for mothersday. But instead I Let her chose several
(7) Time to go to the psychologist again 6 or 7
11No Reasons12No Reasons13No Reasons14No Reasons
15(5) Doubts every where
(4) Lost and insecure. Have I been lying to myself this whole time?
16No Reasons17(5) Last few years I've been trying to find myself, I thought I did.. But maybe I didn't yet.. Thinking of making a hard dessicion. Keep it going or end it? But I don't know what's the right dessicion, is
(9) Had a nice day with sis, Julie and mom. We went to primark. Sunny day. Took my mind of things for a bit.
18(6) On our way to the airport. Wedding in Wigan tomorrow.19(4) 21:42 in England now. Left the wedding. Gonna take a bath now. Church was the hardest part. Tears in my eyes for thinking I really don't love my bf anymore? Still not sure. Didn't want to go to the
(7) Last night was my first time in an airplane, but it went well. Not too much stress, not used to that :)
20No Reasons21(3) Just told my bf that my feelings are gone. Feel so so bad for him. Don't know what to do. Went outside, couldn't stay in there. Not good
(2) Sister and friend don't answer, they're asleep already I think. Don't know who to turn to
(6) Going to there aunt and uncle and after that we're of to the airport again. Bf's sister drove the rental care during the weekend, she did very good, driving on the left..
(7) Almost time to get on the Plain and go home. It was a nice weekend apart from my feelings and the whole relationship thing. Gonna be happy to be home.
(8) Home sweet home. Oh, my own bed and my own sheets. People woun't understand but I'm addicted to my sheets. They feel so soft and worm. Need to buy a new one but think Hema doesn't have them anymore :(
22(5) The moment they give you some space, you want/need attention..
(9) Thanks for being here for me during the weekend and before. Thanks for every hug and every comment. A 9 for how thankfull I am to have all of your guys on mp. My mind can't give a 10 on MP :)
23(5) Sad to hear about the explosion in Manchester. If it would've happend a day earlies I probably wouldn't have dared to get on the plain there. Why do people do things like this?
(5) Lately thinking about making a facebook account again. Maybe I've been blocking people off? But not sure if should go back on there?
(5) Bf asked if there's still hope for us. He sais he's gonna fight for me. Cause I'm worth it. Best friend said, 'I know you don't wanne hear, but I'm melting' after reading the text
24(5) I don't finish anything I started today since I'm home. Loste. Tired
(5) Don't dare to text boyfriend to ask how his day was. Not sure if I'm 'alloud ' to. Currently doubting, maybe I should give it another chance.
25(4) Might just distance myself from everyone and everything26(2) We broke up27(4) Think he'll be 'drinking the problems away'. I really have a problem when people do that ;s. Hope sisters bf takes good care of him. I went to Julie and sis. Talked about it, and about other things.
(2) Scared that I might regret my dessicion later. But I don't know how long I'd have to pauze our relationship till my feelings would come back, if they'd ever come back. Keep going felt like lying
(1) Feel lonely. And now there's no on in my life anymore to give me a hug or lie , with me for a minute.
(4) His family hates me. Bc I was honnest? What kind of life are we living?????
28(3) Do I miss him or just having someone beside me? Life's empty, no meaning
29(3) Feeling verry alone30(2)
(5) Thinking what would be best. Give the relationship another try or not. For months, one minute I can think this and half an hour later I can think something else, and it constantly changnus. Drives me
(5) Haven't had any contact with friends since breakup. Distacing myself. Only told sis and mom, who told dad. Do have contact with ex? bf.
(6) Haven't read your posts lately, I'm sorry. Havent's answerd People's comments and hugs on my posts lately. I wanne let you know that I did read every comment and did recieve every hug. Sorry I'm
31(6) I always have dad's bank card with me, cause he only used cash. So i can pay with it in the supermarket or when I have to get gas. This morning in the store I realized I don't have it anymore.
June
MTWTFSS
   1(4) Not sure how I'm doing. Still didn't ask T to 'start dating again'
(5) For more than a year now I've been downsizing and decluttering. Got rid of lots of stuf. I try to think if I really need it before I buy something. And still my room s a mess, still I have too much!
(6) I'll see T on sunday. Didn't say anything about dating yet. Don't know what we're gonna do yet.
2No Reasons3(7) H&M home washed cotton bed sheets. I desided to just buy it. Feels soft so I hope I like it. I'm really difficult with my sheets :) So it's good that I finally just did it instead of always let it be
(5) Tomorrow I'll see T. Hope it's not gonna be like that friday I broke up. I hope I'll feel something and that I woun't be too akward. Bit scared tho
4(7) Nervous, appart from that, feeling okay
5(7) Cleaned my room. T picked me up, one hour drive to a nice place for a walk. Dinner @sisters place, parents were there also. Went to the fair with sis and there neighbours. 8 adults, 2 babys and 2 dogs
(5) All the terror attacks, someone told me earlier 'Belgium will be next again'. And I said I know this is verry selfish, but most of the time I'm blocking all of this out. Bc thinking of it, reminds me
(6) Got sisters account from Netflix, wanted to watch 13 reasons why
(5) Not doing so good
(5) 13 reasons why, ep 4. Gonna stop after this one for a bit. Not feeling so okay, not sure if this serie increases my feelings, might be. So gonna take a break. Still in bed. Is not so good.
(6) T wanted to see me tonight so he came over. When he left he wanted to kis me on the cheeck, I kissed him in the mouth. He asked if I was sure, I said slowly. It was 3minutes ago and I already feel
(6) Psychologist wensday, going every 4 weeks. Maybe I'll take 3weeks for the next. Happy I can go. Go ask
6(6) Okay day at work
(6) Still thinking, make a new facebook account or not. But seems like I can't figure it out.
7(6) Done working for today. Haven't had a lot to eat yet today. Whenever I want to eat, I realize I dont feel so well? I don't know cauze I am okay today...
(5) Feel shitty, forgor my meeting with psychologist :( just saw her e-mail. How could I forget this? Also starting to stress, maybe, normally I'll have to pay the €60 anyway :(
(4) Really feeling bad for missing the appointment. I really couldve used it, how could I forget it? She hasn't answerd the mail yet, but I can probably only see her next week or even later :(
8(5) Psychologist still hasn't answerd e-mail
(5) Bosses mom has breast cancer
(4) Psychologist 21/6, pfff two more weeks :( she said I'll have to pay a part of the last apmointment. I now asked how much :( Not feeling so good. Two more weeks without a talk :(
(2) Letting it all go
9No Reasons10No Reasons11No Reasons
12No Reasons13No Reasons14No Reasons15No Reasons16No Reasons17No Reasons18No Reasons
19(1) Het gaat niet goed. Er is niemand waar ik op kan terug vallen. Zelfs Trevor duuwt me steeds meer weg. Hij is er niet meer voor me. Ik weet niet meer wat te doen. Ik zak steeds dieper weg.20(5) 21(6) Edited pictures from the last few months. Not on my bed but in the kitchen. Psychologist, only had to pay half of the last session. Good I could finally talk to someone. Went to sis and Julie to say22(6) Tensions between colleagues again. Never know how to react. Kinda shuts me down. Was happy it happend when I was almost finishes. For the rest it was okay23(6) The laptop at work it updatinh or something, really don't understand why boss let them do this when we're working. So enjoying. Can't see any prices, can't see our work agenda from the day ugh24No Reasons25(6) Exhausted
(4) At that point that you might break
(6) Exhausted again. Took a shower and now in bed
26(6) Feel like I didn't have a weekend. Don't want to go to work tomorrow. Actually doesn't feel right to say that bc I just read L got fired for having a panicattack. Sad that they can eactually do that.27No Reasons28No Reasons29No Reasons30(4) Sometimes I wish I didn't throw away my solian and frisum.
July
MTWTFSS
     1No Reasons2(5) Ugh crying. Why can't I just get on with my life?
(4) It's not going well between dad and sister.
3(5) Tummy pain today. Mom thinks it's stress, cause I was a bit short today. She might be right. Appart from that, day was okay.4(5) Family is not okay. Tummy is still upset. 4 But now watching a serie and treating my skin, trying to focus on it and that helps for a moment so 5 maybe 6 for this moment5(6) Today was ok. Hope your day was okay too pandas!6(6) Today was okay I guess
(3) So tired, they're ruining everything!
(3) Friend just called me, was good to ventilate but I don't feel well. I allready have so little contacts, I don't do anything after work, and a lot of the time I feel like isolating myself
7(8) Lasst cliënt from today came for a change begins today packing from germaine de capuccini. She Said it was solid massage for such a small, affectionate girl. So nice when they apreciate your work
(6) Thinking about going to the Netherlands for two days during my vacation in augustus. Wanne go somewhere, the sea, nature. Just don't know where and don't know where to stay. Never done this before.
8(7) Had a nice 'shopping' afternoon with my friend. Thinking about a gift, writing it out and looking up stuf. Making a gift calendar, 23days, 23 Gifts like; face mask, a tablet for a door bath, lip balm,
(6) Looking for a nice place to stay in Zeeland in the Netherlands for one night. But not really a succes. I'm so bad at deciding. Scared I woun't feel ok there. Places with no pictures, no go bc I need
9(6) Trying to find some things to do this summer.
(5) Wrote a letter for T. Will give it to him in tuesday.
10(5) Not sure about how I feel atm.11(5) Don't like to go to work lately
(5) Boss let me go home early bc I didn't feel well. Second time in a month or something, so don't feel good about it. Must say I did throw up today, and then she said I could go.
(5) Gave him the letter almost 3hours ago. Still haven't heard from him.
12(5) Psychologist in 45min and T said he's drop off a letter. Not feeling great mentaly and physical. Last few weeks bad headachs are back, meds helped for while but now... maybe I should see my doctor
(5) Was looking again for a place to stay in the Netherlands. I suck at it.
13(3) I want to dissapear for a bit. Can I?
(4) What do you guys do when there's no one to talk to,?
14(3) Why am I always the outsider? Why do I never belong. Why do they always chose the other to be there friend and never me. Not so good atm. Why do I always feel so alone?15(6) I have an idea how I maybe can move out on my own next year. Just not sure if it's realistic. And I think dad would call me crazy if he knew.
(5) Ex is a lot at my sisters place during the weekend. Thinks part of me jealous, caus I don't have anywhere to go. And part of me is sad that I can't go to see Julie and my sis during the weekend if I
16No Reasons
17(6) Dad's first day vacantion. He was at sisters place all day, didn't tell me or mom. He went there to help, few weeks back he said he wouldn't do anything anymore at there home bc sis's bf.18(9) Ex wasn't at sisters. To be honest I really enjoyd the time with sis and Julie. Even when sis was working and I was sitting next to her with Julie. Looking forward to my time off in august. The three
(7) Hope your day was ok or good would be even better. Goodnight panda's, goodnight hug.
19(4) Headaches are so so bad again lately. My head, neck and back are killing me. Why did the meds stop working all of a sudden? Doctor next week.20(5) Thunder, Hail, rain, lightning, wind in the middle of the night. I feel the tension, part of me is scared.
(6) Ex's sisters baby is coming in 1,5 month. Doubting how much I should give her. His presents are still in my closset. We were suppose to give it together with something extra. Think I woun't even get
(6) 4 days off, not working. What am I gonna do?? :)
21(7) Day off, gift wrapping and making cards.
(7) Goodnight panda's, hope you all have a good night!
22No Reasons23(5) I don't belong to it and I never will.
(4) When we go somewhere people always talkingmy sister, ask how she is. Me, I'm just a waist of space
(4) I don't know anymore what to do to fit in to thus world. I now impulsive made a fb account. Like that's gonna help?? Don't even have a recent picture of me alone. I'm not gonna search for people. ...
24(3) Feel useless
(5) Haven't done much today so far. Not feeling so good.
(5) He was at my sisters during the 4days I was off. Guess my message from last week didn't do anything. But who am I. If they want him there and he helped my dad, than I have no voice in it.
25(6) @work, a good 4 hours more to go. Eating now. Always makes me tired! Doctors appointment tonight, for the headaches and some other stuff26(5) I have a problem with alcohol. Never could stand drunk people. Bit more than a year ago, it started to get harder. Nodest it in my private life and on mp. Was better for a while.
(6) Texting with ex every evening I think. It's almost been two months now. He still has hope, probably bc I give him. I basicly want us to work out, I know I woun't find someone better but somehow
27(7) Baby June was born tonight. Her mom texted me tonight to let me know. So kind of her
(5) Ready for work, ugh. Today I work 4 hours, and when I checked the schedule two days ago, there's only 2x30min work for me. Really starting to hate that it's so calm @work the last two months!
(6) Went to see baby June. Nice that I was welcome.
(5) Don't want to go to work tomorrow. 1leg massage of 30min and something from 15min. Boss said I can take over some if her things and there'll be a few chores but I'm so so tired of it.
(7) K texted me to Thank me for the card and for comming over. I am more the one who is thankfull that they let me and that they were friendly like they were before. Felt good.
28(6) His aunt invited me for a bbq or something next weekend29(7) Work, signed new contract. Julie and sis were here. Went to some stores. Bought a present for June.
(4) Headache was better this week, till this afternoon. It ruins me. Seriously, I'm not fun to be arround then, cause I'm in so much pain and I can't make it stop. But I hope tomorrow it'll be better agai
30(7)
(5) Dissapointed in how people behalve. I also want to say, I hope everyone stays safe, feels like a lot of pandas are really not doing well. Hope you all feel better soon.
(5) I'm going through the panda posts, to be honnest I'm questioning a lot what's happening here lately.
31(8) Received a picture from sis. Julie was eating her first fruit pap (or how do you call it in English?) She so cute! Also her first teeth are comming through!
(6) should I go to that bbq? What do you think?
(5) My tummy is really not that good lately. If I eat or drink sugar I can feel so bad. As a teenager I ate so much suger, no problem.. Doctor sais blood is fine. A lot of the time the taste of food
August
MTWTFSS
 1(5) Work again :( ok I'm just gonna do it and hope the workday is over soon! 7 eactual work days till vacation!
(5) On tuesdays I go to my sister. Dog has been alone since 8, mom and dad are away for a day and let me know they woun't be home in an hour. Basicly they wanted me to go home to dog after work.
(6) Tummy is not ok. I'm gonna save you the details. Did some krafting. Sis sended me several pictures, guess she knew I was dissapointed that I couldn't come. 5,5 tummy still hurts
2(6) Sorted out my craft stuff a bit. Crafting. Psychologist later today and going with ex to see the new mom and baby June.
(5) I really wonder why I care about people! If they don't seem to care about you. Daytheraphy, MP it's kinda the seem, you get to know people and start to care about them, want best for them and then
3(6) The moment is there again. I can't give anymore. Appart from that I'm ok. Bit on my own.4(7) Told my psychologist and also my mom yesterday that dad's behaviour is verry different, in a positive way! And mom said yes but your behaviour is also different. And she thinks it's bc of that.
(7) walked about 2 km with my dog, not planned, we almost never go for a walk with her, she liked it. It was from my moms work till my sisters house. Cut Julie's hair a bit for second time.
5No Reasons6(6) BBQ was ok. Tired.
(5) Friends? I send a message and they don't answer. Or ask how vaction was and sais oh have a nice vacation. Doesn't even ask to meet up. Or if I don't ask how they are, I don't hear them.
7No Reasons8(5) desicion not to contact anyone to see how they are and realize they woun't contact me to see how i am, i was dealing with it ok. But right now it makes me question everything! Do I really have no9(6) Sis came over @ lunch time to bring something. Asked to stay and eat something. Was nice to talk to her. Now I know a bit better how she thinks about her relationship and everything.
(7) I never updated about my tummy pains and cramps. Apperently it had nothing to do with my menstruation. It was going arround. Doctor gave me meds and said it only lasts for 5 days max, he was right.
(6) Goodnight panda's. Hope you all sleep well and be safe.
10(5) I have a what's app group with two friends. Last week wensday the men put something in it to tell how bad he felt. I read it and didn't answer. Now the woman posted something. Not read it bc it's also
(6) Legs, feet, head, it all hurts, feel exhausted. But my vacation starts! Mondays I work on my own. The 29th and 1st I'll go to work to help my boss and the 5th we really start again. Bit stressed
(7) Got home, took a nice hot shower, got some food. Legs and arms really hurt, so that's not ok. Vacations = editing!! editing pictures. I catch myself smiling on Julie's pictures,and not like 1 or times
11(8)
(7) Feels like I'm getting better at being on my mom. Not hearing from 'friends' only seeing parents, sis, Julie and sometimes ex. But I know there'll come a moment I get nocked down.
12(7) Shopping with mom, sis and godchild. Nodest since 1 or 2 months, I'm more attrected to the craft supplies than clothes in a store. Pretty tired, didn't sleep well last night.13(6) Every little thing this morning makes me think it's autumn
(5) Not feeling so great today
(6) The thing about not asking people how they're doing for a while, part of me really likes it on my own. And know I don't know what to do about it and weither or not to contact them
14(6) I was so enthousiastic to try and give blood. Guess what. That doctor said that I have to weight 57 or 58kg for my lenght. To be able to give blood. I only weight 52. Seriously couldn't believe it!!!
(7) Today was a pretty ok day. And my bed sheets are freshly washed so hopefully I sleep well! Goodnight pandaq!
15(7) Today was ok. Tired now. Going shopping with mom tomorrow
(6) Do you pandas also get cought up life sometimes that you forget stuff. I mean like for example, I completely got of antidepressants in april, and it's like i've forgotten about it. While it was a
16(6) But grumpy at luchtime but it passed. Pretty tired now, have to go for a check-up for the car tonight.
(5) What would you do? 'Friend' invites you for a 'birthday party' in a cafe the evening after her b-day. Last year I was invited at her home together with 4 other friends of her (who i don't know)
17(7) Sister and Julie will pick me up in half an hour!!
(7) Hi pandas, how has your day been? I weny swimming with Julie and my sister, just took a nice shower, feel all fresh again. Pretty tired for not really doing anything tho.. but it was fun!
(8) Hoping my traverelers notebook will be deliverd tomorrow. So looking forward to start using it. (Not that I'm a traveler but just another way to be creative) Fingers crossed.
18(5) Can't sleep :(
(4) Seing the last 30min of the movie 'hachie' made me really sad. Sad that animals have to live and die that way :( sad now.
19(5) 9th day of vacation. How many friends have I seen? I started to believe in people and friendship again. Why? It's all fake???
(6) Last night I made a craft journal, with all different sorts of paper. An insert for my travel journal. I just filled the first pages about swimming with Julie and sister.
(6) Just read the final report about my daytherapy, for the first time. But I feel okay about it. Didn't make me emotional, sad or anything. Miss some of the people who worked there while I was there
(5) I'm gonna say goodnight pandas! Looks like there are not many pandas here tonight, find it a bit sad maybe. But I guess that could also mean something good, maybe your enjoying your evening? I hope so
20(5) That friend who invited me for her bday. I asked her then if she's together with the Guy she talked about when I last saw her, she told me they were. Guess what, she just send me that they broke up.
(5) Not many reactions on here last two days. Bit sad. Her were the only people who talk to me appart from my family.
21No Reasons22(8) Secretly a little proud of myself for today.23(7) 24(7) Today 2 years ago I started day theraphy. Sometimes it seems longer ago and sometimes it's like a few months ago.25(5) Why do some get to meet there solemate and asked to marrie them and others don't?
(5) Feeling verry alone. How that comes? Bc I went on that fb account I made last month
(5) F** it. I feel like crap. So Silke clean the room, it'll make you better. I can do it.
(5) Room is more tidy now. But guess I just feel lonely today.
(5) How do you need new people?
26(5) Apperently I get a bit sad, feel a bit lonely when I watch a movie? 5 or 6 don't know27(6) Are there pandas who are highly sensitive?
(5) Thinking about deleting it all. Guess it no as good as I hoped.
28(6) Psychologist said it's ok to instal a 'dating' app, to meet people. Not thinking so much just doing.29No Reasons30(7) They're back home. It was a busy evening, picking them up, eat something, pick the dogs up, get them home. Tired. Pain in neck and head from driving so long.31(6)
September
MTWTFSS
    1(6) Going to the movies tonight with someone I met on an app o ly a few days ago. Rape, vulling, paranoid much Yes. Why am I doing this? @ work now2(7) Just got home, in bed now. To be honest, the guy was verry nice. We almost spend 6 hours together and to me I almost didn't feel akwerd. Went to his appartement after the movie, Yes can't believe I
(6) We're gonna watch a movie tonight
3(7) He said he can't read me (shocker haha) and that he gets mixed signals. Like obvioulsy I was there but when he touched my hand he didn't get any reaction. So he doesn't know if it's okay to hold my
(7) Yesterday he asked if and when we'd meet again. We would go out for dinner wensday. Guess what, we're seeing each other in a bit.. 3 days in a row. Next week I really start working again so
(7) Good day. Also nice evening with J. Just went out for dinner. I like to talk to him, I can laugh when I'm arround him. I like it. 10PM now, gonna clean up my room fast and try to go to bed on time.
4(6)
(7) Yesterday he texted 'tu me manque' and today a saying in dutch 'plagen is liefde vragen /aandacht ' zei hij. Wich means I think 'tease' someone (for fun) means you ask for there love / attention...
5No Reasons6(5) Maybe it's all too fast
(5) Don't think i'll see him again.
(5) Only know him for a week and he already likes me too much. :( Don't know what to do
(6) I feel like he tries to make me feel guilty. And I don't feel okay with that! Crafting
(7) For ones I feel mentally stronger than someone else. And that makes me realize where I come from. Guess I'll always be scared I'll become that old me again but I guess for now ; just feel a bit proud
7(5) Feel a bit like crap this morning. Desided to text him goodmorning but I don't think he'll react.
(6) Had a pretty low moment at work earlier. Think I'm ok now
(4) I feel so used. Only met him friday and he wants me to start a relationship with him cause he wants to move forward in life???????
(2) Crying crying crying. My 'friends' I just wanted them to listen to what on my mind, that was too much to ask. J acts like I'm crazy. Well guess I am. Crazy lady from psychiatry with no friend
(3) Felt really upset today bc a year ago, one of the people who was ending daytheraphy at the same time as me, tried to kill herself several times sept last year. A Guy who was agressive at daytheraphy
8(5) Goodmorning. Do you think it could be okay if I tell J that I'll give it a chance? But bc it all has to go so fast it could mee after a few days or weeks I say no anyway..
(6) @ work till 18.30 And there's only on person on the agenda for me, from half an hour. Ugh don't like days like this! And the one moment I think i'll go for him and the next I doubt that
(6) Sorry and thank you. Sorry that i was posting so much, especially yesterdag I had a pretty bad day. Thank you for the listening to me, hugs, and advise. I know everyone has there own insues going on,
9(6) Only just put on tje internet on my phone. This morning he just texted goodmorning and at lunch time he sended me this; https://youtu.be/cl3b7dDBLpo And I don't know what to say to him :d
(6) Ok. I wrote down that I'm not gonna follow him out of zelfrespect. Now I just need someone to reed what I just wrote, before I send it to him. Only one problem, non of my friends know about him..
(5) Ok. Turned off internet on my phone. So I wount see or get his app'messages, cause i wount stop talking to him them. The problem will be, hopefully I can keep it turned of tomorrow too, at least for
10(5) Feeling a bit sad
(5) I'm weak and asked if he got home safe. He refused to open the message, wich upsets me and makes me even more worthless. Was supposed to meet up with a friend, don't feel like it.
(6) So far the day is going okay.
(6) Last few weeks I've allready been thinking when and wich flowers I'll get for little Lize at the first of november. I'm so crazy. Don't know how it comes!
11(6) Goodmorning pandas, have a nice day!12(6) Ok guys, I know you probably don't like it but I'm giving him another chance. He said he wants to give me time and we'll see how it goes. Went over there tonight, it was a really nice evening.
(6) Don't know what to get for a friends 22 birthday ;s Ugh.
13(7) Dentist this morning. Beach with J. As long in the car as we were there. A lot of wind!! But it was fun14(7) Had something to eat at his place and watched a movie. He in one corner and I in the other corner of the couch with our legs next to eachothers. Sometimes he Puts his hand on my feet or legs, don't
(5) Don't want to get up, but I have to cause I've got work!
(7) @ work and I'm thinking about him a lot today
(5) I'm not really enjoying work lately
15No Reasons16(7) Wanted to wait, but also felt like it was okay. Just hope he doesn't want to go to fast now. We kissed
(6) Didn't sleep enough, it's my own fault. Have to get ready for work now.
17(6) Think I've never been so insecure about kissing.
18(6) I think J and are going somewhere.. last week I asked a friend if she was together with a Guy, she said no we just kiss. I was like, if you kiss, you're together. But now it's in my story I'm wonderin
(7) Been with J this afternoon and evening. Tomorrow litlle shopping trip with Julie and my mom. When we're back home I'll meet up with J cause he has 2 weeks vacation.
(7) Good morning pandas! It's too early!!
(7) Good day so far. Julie has been a good girl so far!
(8)
19(7) Isn't it strange that you're not in love but a person in like almost constantly on your mind?
(8) @work now. After that I'll go to my sister to eat and then we go swimming for 45 minutes with Julie. Looking forward to it. Also kinda want to see J. But that's for tomorrow.
(7) Part of me is too insecure to get intimate with J. Part of me wants it. Were just cooking arround now. Not sure if I know him long enough? Don't want to regret it. I'm the first girl who eactually
(7) Friend took pills Sunday, she's gonna call me tomorrow. Work was ok, but I was verry distracted. Went swimming with sis and Julie where we learn to swim. We're gonna go there every month probably.
20(6) Doubts. Scares me
(5)
(5) Exhausted
21(7) Today work till 8pm normally, but I can go home earlyer. Don't mind that! Also then I can eat together with my parents, haven't seen them a lot lately
(7) Workday was fine. Tired now
(6) Talked with J on what's app. He felt like there was something wrong. Said tere was't but started about we're both different and I need more time for myself than he does. Feel like he's really trying.
22(6) I want weekend :(
(7) Goodnight
23(7) Didn't look forward to going but it was not that I didn't want to go either. It was fine. The two friends I met were kind. Felt good to see J.
(5) Feeling more I'll everyday. Work, only 3 clients today, from 30min. Ugh why do i have to be here?! Want to go home again and take a nice long hot shower!
(6) I'm about to meet some of J's friends. Stressed
24(7) Zoniënwoud @belgium with J
(7) The walk made me so tired. I was quiet in the car when we went home. But just bc I was tired so it was ok. Fell asleep on the couch @ J's place. He let me sleep for a bit. His brother came downstares,
(5)
25(8) Ok day26(5) It's getting more and More quiet at work. Worries me :(
(7) Arrieved at J's place. Staying the night there, going to the Aoo in Antwerpen tomorrow
27(7) Didn't go to the zoo today, but okay day. Said wouldn't stay late today. Left at 6.30PM and it was time. It had been enough for me. I find he asks for a lot of attention and that's difficult for me28(5) Not enough work at work and it's only getting worse. Not only for me but also for my colleague. Want to ask my bosss how it comes dit don't really dare to, but I'm gonna try today. And I might29(6) So tired
(5) Hope I can go home early from work today ?
(7) J. Is comming over tonight. My mom he already saw for 5 minuten. But they rest of the family he'll meet tonight for the first time. He'll see me in my home space, hopefully he likes it.
(5) It's not okay at work. Haven't been as much on my phone during work as I am lately. Just bc I'm tired of doing all chores. Today I did a manicure, pedicure, painted nails, make up, that's it for
30(7) He stayd the night
(7) Out for dinner tonight. But first I'll meet J's parents. Starting to get nervous.
October
MTWTFSS
      1(5) Headache
(5) Out for dinner with a friend. My headache is pretty bad. Hope it's not too busy in the restaurant!
2(8) Had a really nice evening yesterday. Good talk with my friend, jummy dinner and went to see J.
(5) Feeling lucky to have someone that means it well with me and wants me. Feel sad couse there are so many lonely, unhappy people out there. It's not fair, everyone deserves to be happy ?
3(5) Did not sleep well!
(7) Yesterday J's brother came home and asked what we were watching the night before bc we were gigling so much. Well it was a bit crazy on tv, but after that something else happend, we were quiet
(7) I think I got payed for getting a facial today.
4(8) Thinking about a funny moment yesterday. J's brother laught at me bc off how I reached towards J's and I didn't really realize till he told me :)
(7) Made J a birthday card, not sure if he'll like it. But he knows I like to be creatieve every now and then so.. we'll see
5No Reasons6(6) It was a verry short night ?
(5) All of a sudden I feel neutral
(5) J left this evening for a weekend with his family for his b-day. Haven't heard as much from him today as normal.
(5) I find it good to have some time for myself cause I know I need it. But at the same time I feel lonely, it's only the first evening I'm on my own this week.
(6) A friend of J that I met once, wants to follow me on instagram. As some off you know, I don't let in many people on my private insta account, only people are following me now. Not sure to accept..
7(6) Good morning pandas. Almost weekend!!
(7) Work, bought some shoes, nice shower, bit off crafting, editing pics. Goodnight everyone.
8(7) Tomorrow morning I'm free. Afternoon and evening will be busy. Psyho till almost pm, J wants to see me after, cause we haven't eachother in a few days and he has a present for me? no idea what of why
(7) Goodnight panda's!
9(5) Such a hurry today. Such a Rush to get to my fysio on time, he was 15min late and double booked so I had to go. My neck, shoulders,.. it hurts ? psycho later tonight and bf.10(5) How many times do you keep asking to meet up with a friend. Starting to feel like I've had enough. Ok that your life is busy and your trying to find your way, but it's always something..
(6) On our way to J's parents and brother for dinner. It's J's birthday today. Tired.
(7) I forgot my toothbrush. After I said that 3 times or so being anoyd about it to myself, J said, i'll get you a toothbrush. He went to the night shop and got me a toothbrush ? so kind. Yes I'm one of
11(7) Wellness with J.12(7) Bit more work @work this week, happy about that!13(8) Hot Stone massage at a lady 77 years old. She said it was the best massage she ever had. Two other nice clients, it was a good day.
(7) Busy work day
(7) I think it might be time to delete some Instagram photo's.
(7) Why do I only post 7 or Lower? Never 8, 9 or 10? Guess bc it's never perfect and there's always something even if it's little but maybe I should get out of my comfort zone of 7? Help?
14(8) I arrieved at J's place, friends are here for his bday. Went upstairs to put my stuff away and there was a rose (as in flower) for me. When a friends asked how long we're together I realized it's for15(7) From 216 to 164 pictures on my instagram, it's a start. Also deleted everything about my ex on there. One month together with J today.
16(7) My back hurts a lot today. It was such a nice weather and I had to go on a cours for today, on a free day..17(6)
(5)
18(7) Ok I decided to do it! I just orderd a new camera body .19(7) My back still hurts. Busy day at work.New camera arrieved.20(5) Reached my limit, and when I get home in 10min everyone will be there, also J he'll stay the night. Feel tired, emotional, exhausted, want everyone to leave me be.
(5) Maybe I'm just too honnest all the time.
21(6) 22(7)
23(6) Never enough parking space at fysio, and now someone who's learning to drive parked on two parking spaces, hat it! Parked car on the side of the streed but stressed someone might hit it.
(7) Exhausted
24(6) Friends keep dissapointing me.25(7)
(6) J is ill since a few days. He really doesn't feel well. Make me have a bit more time for myself wich I don't mind but off cours I hope he feels better soon cause I really don't have a lot of him.
26No Reasons27(7)
(5) Feeling like I could cry
(5) Don't know what it is but ther's definetly something wrong with me lately
28No Reasons29(6) Bought some flowers for Lize yesterday.
(7) Tomorrow from 9am till 1pm I have to work, on my own. Then I'm free till thursday!
30No Reasons31No Reasons