4.2 avg
  178 days
  2146 hugs
  43 followers
March
MTWTFSS
  1(6) 2(7) Been shopping with my sister today :)3(7) Feeling good :) just waiting for blood tests and ecg to make sure I'm ok to continue taking my mood stabilisers on a long term basis .. No anxiety today which is a plus :)4(4) Slept most of the day and generally been a 4 today.. Been tearful today aswell5(1) Slept loads, crying when I'm awake. heartbroken that children's services took my little girl because I had an episode last year. Now they are saying my bipolar will effect her n she can't come back :(
(1) intrusive thoughts are back... Starting to have thoughts on how this pain would all end if I wasn't here.. My mood stabilisers obviously aren't helping so far!! Trying hard to distract the thoughts!
(5) Glad my moods settled from earlier on... Face timed my little girl earlier and felt much better since then <3 feel normal mood wise, appetites come back.. Just haven't got my energy back yet
6(7) Really happy after visiting my little girl this evening ... We went for a walk by the stream and we got lots of photos ... I love her more than life <3 she motivates me to beat these bipolar blues!!7(5) Mixed day today but generally ok..!completed my debt appointment - my support worker had to almost drag me there. Going bankrupt - but as scary as it seems.. I will be debt free and can start a fresh
(5) Feeling bored but too lazy to get up and do anything... I'm just enjoying being tucked up warm in my duvet :)
(6) Having a few positive thoughts about myself... I've stopped harming, binging, drinking excessively, almost kicked a drug habit (social wise/weekend use) since my diagnosis I feel at ease with who I am
8(6) Got up feeling motivated after an 11 hour sleep on my zopiclone tablets :) I'm cleaning up my house, although at a slow place lol kind of miss my hypomanic mood where I'd clean at top speed haha!
(7) Wow I'm feeling good :) cleaned up my living room and kitchen and then my support worker came and she helped me open a year and a half worth of mail I hadn't opened and organised them. Ready to relax
(8) Well the relaxing didn't happen - not complaining though as I love these little bursts of energy I get now and then ... I always take full advantage of it and have managed the full housework :D
(5) Oh shit ... Why!! Just why!! The tears are here... Happiness and positive thoughts disappeared suddenly and unexpectedly!! I'm repeating 'you got this' in my head to drown out the negative thoughts!
(6) less than 30 mins and managed to dismiss the intrusive thoughts by quickly recognising they were about to take over! Can't wait for my stabilisers to increase next week! seem to be really helping :)
9(8) Feeling great today - contact with my little girl later :D
(5) Always feel heartbroken when my visits to see my little girl end... Staying strong tho so she can return home when my illness has been under control for a while <3
(7) A few sensible drinks with my friend
10(6) 11(5) Had a hangover all day and felt like shit ... Dampened and blank mood due to alcohol last night and lack of sleep. having a brew and watching tv - the comedian Jimmy Carr makes me laugh so much haha
(4) Messed my sleep pattern up a little bit :/ 5am.. Overtired so can't sleep
(8) Shopping todayyyyyyy :D and going to grab some lunch out somewhere in town :)
12(1) Missed medication for 3 days and wow I am so angry! Why do I go to guys that I know only want to use me and not care because I basically want to use them.. But then afterwards I feel guilt and disgust
(4) Just slept and lazed about all day - the thought of having to see or communicate with another human being is making me feel irritated and slightly annoyed so I've isolated just for today
13(4) 4am still up and just took half a sleeping tablet aiming to be up after 8 hours sleep around midday .. Planning on interacting via phone call 2morrow but still not wanting to socialise in person.14(0) Having an argument via text with my mum.. I told her im confused to how she could be so hurtful as I could never be that way with my daughter.. I feel I could kill myself to show her my suffering
(0) I'm thinking of running away to a friends who lives 100 miles away .. Just disappearing ... Letting people feel so scared and worried for letting me down!! I'm so angry n upset right now, Nobody cares
(1) Why am I so aware of the fact I'm not taking my medication and that I've drunk alcohol for 4 nights ... Im very aware of my actions and understand the consequences but still not doing the right thing!
(2) Looking back on my recent posts I've learnt that stopping medication to allow myself to drink has really affected my mental health ..just as I started to make progress- guess I need to try harder
(5) Chilled out all day ... Started my medication again... Going to have a long hot soak in a bubble bath then have a little walk to the shop and then have some hot chocolate
15(9) Had a great day... My friend said I seem on top of the world today .. Had no anxiety.. Felt very confident when I was socialising with friends.. Life and soul of the party ;) didn't drink alcohol :)16(5) 17(4)
(5) 5am and tossing and turning still.. Mood seems 'normal' .. Well I'm feeling blank lol that's how I imagine normal to feel ..going to nip downstairs and eat a rustlers burger and crisps
(4) Feel like depressions luring me in... (Which reminds me i need to take my mood stabilisers!) I've noticed I'm eating loads of crappy food suddenly and have only slept 3 hours in the past 48 hours...
(6) Finally managed to get some sleep last night (14 whole hours in fact) felt much better today and managed to go and do the food shopping and clean my kitchen. Although felt exhausted afterwards
18(4) night time overthinking - upset that In the past year I left my job, lost my car, my partner, my little girls living with her gran -I don't even know how it's all ended up this way :( feel so alone
(4) And just to add... I kept telling my doctor for years my moods were becoming more n more problematic. Only now Ive fucked my life up have they finally decided to diagnose me.. Why didn't they listen!!
19(5) Socialised with a few friends today - was able to say 'no' and stick to my Plans to go home from the pub after 2 drinks. Although my friend tried encouraging me. Suppose I've had an ok day today :)
(6) Starting to eat a bit better - only eating twice a day but noticing I can eat a little more each time (I've lost 2 much weight) it's raining outside so I'm having a lazy Sunday in bed; warm and cosy:)
(7) Didn't stay in bed all day as planned - got up put the music on and done my make up.. Now dancing around cooking and cleaning :D
(7) I've connected my mood panda to Facebook so I can use my profile picture on here but the option isn't available???? Does anyone know how I do this?
(5) Can't remember if I took my medication today :/ need to buy a weekly marked medication box to be certain in the future.
20(7) Feeling good today.. My adrenaline seems to be rushing without a reason so going to exercise :) Ate lunch earlier and prepped dinner for later.. Just need to try and aim to get up for breakfast now.
(7) Reminder for later: I've took my mood stabilisers today!
(8) Music on and cleaning! Planning on doing upstairs and downstairs whilst my energy levels are up!
(5) My mood drops dramatically at night time ... I can keep busy and my mind distracted all day (couldn't do this previously though so it's a start)! Mood panda has been great for me, I look forward to
21(5) Bit of a struggle waking fully this morning and getting out of bed... Even though I've had a good 11 hours sleep.. Finally managed to get up at 12.30pm.
(6) Enjoyed a Cooked breakfast and a cup of coffee - not had a coffee for ages as caffeine isn't the best for me so I really enjoyed it :) Reminder for later: Taken my mood stabilisers!
(5) On public transport - Anxiety has kicked in ... Headphones in and trying not to make eye contact with anyone - feel like everyone's staring at me - most likely they aren't it's just my anxiety
(6) On the train now - love travelling on trains - it really relaxes me especially watching the scenery out of the window - it's just buses I seem to get uncomfortable around people on
(8) Had a great 4 hours with my little girl after school... Went to the park for an hour and then we went back to her grandparents for dinner and done some creative activities. Hate it when i have to go:(
22(1) This always happens.After I've spent time with my daughter I can't sleep on that evening.I feel I'm being punished for my illness (bipolar type 2) she is my world- it's so unfair, I'm heartbroken :(
(1) And just to let everyone know my situation -last year I tried to end my life - because of this my daughter now lives with grandparents and children's services are taking me to court as they say I'm
(0) Fighting suicidal thoughts - telling myself (through experience )I won't feel this way tomorrow after a sleep and thinking of my little girl - I will go through this pain not to hurt her.. <3
(1) Feeling upset and so helpless :(
(2) 6am and exhausted through crying all night - taking a sleeping tablet n going to sleep the day away ...
(5) Medication and a food binge has managed to distract my racing thoughts... Feeling very sleepy now after my sleep aid tablets.. Should have took them last night instead of this morning :/
(5) Although I've slept the day away I've woken with a much cal
23(7) Great day today .. Energy levels are stable and had a productive day24(7) 4.20am - not tired yet.. Appetites increased loads- come downstairs to make some food at the moment
(8) Oh gosh I hope I'm not getting hypomanic (even though it's quite enjoyable to start with) I'm feeling overly excited about my shopping trip when I get up in 4 hours!! Can't keep still n speech is fast
(9) Great mood :D feel as though my adrenaline is rushing through my body and can't keep still .. Off to my drug and alcohol meeting now - it really motivates me to not turn back to binge drinking!
(9) Drug and alcohol counselling done... I've come a long way and continuing the group sessions makes me feel proud of my progress.. Off to see friends now .. Feeling full of life and confident
(6) calm and relaxed mood
25(5) 4.30am - migraine - feeling irritable
(5) Suddenly feel hungry - and looking back at my post from yesterday I suddenly felt hungry at the same time yesterday (at 4.40am) :/
(6) Feeling calm and stable mood wise ... Going in town and taking my sister for food :)
26(7) Lovely time spent with my daughter at her grandparents I played games in the garden for 2-3 hours whilst it was warm - I noticed I had stable energy and concentration & no distraction the whole time:)
27(6) One of my biggest triggers to an outburst of emotion either raging or bursting in to screaming tears is when I spend time in my mums with all 3 of my sisters there.. As usual everyone ended up arguing
(8)
28(5) 7.15am and I've been lay in bed all night and not slept .. I'm starting to feel tired now but I'm going to get up and have a little walk to the cafe for breakfast then set my alarm for 4 hours time
(5) Must have fell asleep as I didn't end up going to the cafe and it's now 6 hours later. Really need to get a move on but motivation isn't great. Woke with stomach cramps and PMS!! (Time of the month)
(5) Feeling a little tension building inside... Feel like I want to go out to a rave/club this weekend and get absolutely wasted.. I've suddenly got a 'don't care' attitude - need to get out of this mood
(6) Done some speed walking whilst listening to Eminem and ate subway then brought me and my daughter some chocolate from hotel chocolat :) tension gone
(3) I feel like I'm fucking pissed off and hate everything and everyone ... Slight urges to self harm but able to tell myself it won't achieve anything and I will only be rid with shame and guilt
(3) I'm crying! Haven't cried in ages.. I've b
29(5) Severe anxiety - support workers coming over with the gas inspection guy, the electric guy and the surveyor because I haven't opened the door to them when I've had appointments 4 times now lol30No Reasons31No Reasons