1.1 avg
  411 days
  2124 hugs
  40 followers
January
MTWTFSS
 1No Reasons2No Reasons3(0) Woke up too late. Seem to have chewed up the inside of my mouth while I slept. Left side of my chest hurts when I breathe. Feel so tired. Today sucks.
(0) Going to try and get through a workout. Might help better my mood a bit.
4No Reasons5(5) I need to stop focussing on the negatives. There are positives to every day, no matter how few or small.6(0) Waited half an hour in the rain for a rail replacement bus service that never came. Was really looking forward to today. Now I'm likely gonna stew in a miserable mood until bed time.
7(8) Randomly started writing music again. After about three years. Out of nowhere. Then talking to some new friends I met over Overwatch, talking about how I met Hayao Miyazaki and played his piano. Happy
(4) Annoyingly woke up too late. Going to try and do some music work though.
8No Reasons9(5) Today was ok. Quite productive. Looking forward to releasing my EP maybe Friday if it's ready. Found a box full of old antidepressant packagings. Two years of useless pill-taking. Much better without.10No Reasons11(2) Feeling pretty dead. Went climbing with friends yesterday and had a great time. Just feel so tired and down today. Gotta sit on a train for two hours to get back home now. Not looking forward to it.
(7) Released my EP. Feels good. Here's the link if you want to have a listen https://maxtylermusic.bandcamp.com/album/patience
12(3) Dreams are always exhausting. Feeling lazy and not up for doing anything productive.13No Reasons
14(0) No motivation. Feel dead.15No Reasons16(4) Woke up too early and couldn't get back to sleep. Only way I'm getting through today is if I have a coffee. We'll see how that goes. Need to get back to being more productive.17(3) I hate it when I have a dream that's better than real life. I never want to leave and end up sleeping for as long as possible.18(1) Had a good climb yesterday. Though didn't sleep well, had to have two coffees to get through the day so naturally now I'm having panic attacks because that's what happens when I have too much caffeine19No Reasons20(2) Lack of sleep has lead to my muscles not repairing properly after climbing on Thursday. Just tried to do a workout at home and had to stop halfway through because my arms are killing me.
21No Reasons22(4) 4.5 Rearranged things in my room so I have more floor-space. Wrote a small poem. Small things. Small, positive things.23No Reasons24(1) Not feeling super great right now. Morning was fine, had a bath to relax, then went out for lunch and gradually started feeling shit. Think I'm not managing being out on my own as well as I think.25No Reasons26(3) Very unstable today because of a lack of sleep but managed to get some prop work for the film done with a friend.27(8) Great day shooting today. Very cold but very productive. Navigating problems as they arise while filming makes me feel capable and confident.
28(1) Did a workout today. That was good. Started feeling panicky about an hour or two ago. Isn't going away. Trying to watch a film to take my mind of things but it's not really working.29(2) Had a night terror last night. Was exhausting trying to get out of it. No idea what triggered it.30No Reasons31No Reasons
February
MTWTFSS
    1No Reasons2No Reasons3No Reasons
4(4) Was feeling very panicky today. Decided to just play video games about two hours ago and feel a lot better now.5No Reasons6(0) Really not feeling good. Sleep is so terrible I had to cancel a doctor's appointment tomorrow because I know I won't be up in time.
(0) Was trying to play a game to take my mind off things As soon as I stopped I had a very large panic attack which turned into a full breakdown Couldn't stop crying and just sat in my bed with the covers
7No Reasons8(3) Went climbing. Climbed a 7b which I think is the best problem I've ever done. Feels good. But I don't feel good. I feel so down. I don't sleep well unless I'm drunk. My life is a mess. I'm a mess.
(0) Need a long cuddle. Always feeling so alone.
9(3) Shift went fine at the piano bar. Disgustingly tired though now. Cannot manage on this little sleep. Going to see a friend in a show later. Hopefully I don't pass out before.10(1) An actor in my film just informed me they don't want to be in it any more. We've already shot all their scenes so now we have to find a new actor for reshoots. Livid.
11No Reasons12No Reasons13No Reasons14(3) Been drunk the past four nights just to get some sleep.15No Reasons16No Reasons17(0) Feel miserable. Gonna try and make it through the week without any alcohol before bed.
(0) Family were away last week. Was nice to have breathing space. Now they're here I'm back to feeling lonely.
18(1) Today hasn't been terrible. So why do I feel terrible?19(2) Sleeping without alcohol is going... Ok. Feeling very tired in the morning though.20No Reasons21No Reasons22No Reasons23No Reasons24No Reasons
25No Reasons26No Reasons27No Reasons28No Reasons