5 avg
  132 days
  770 hugs
  41 followers
January
MTWTFSS
      1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter31To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
February
MTWTFSS
  1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
March
MTWTFSS
  1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter31To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
April
MTWTFSS
     1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
May
MTWTFSS
1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter31To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
June
MTWTFSS
   1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21(5) 22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27(1) 28(4) 29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter30(7) Feeling happy for the first time in a long time, maybe it's because it's friday, or is it the caffein? It doesn't really matter though.
July
MTWTFSS
     1(7) Having a good day so far. Spending time(and money) with my doughter today. Important to eat so the mood keeps up!
(7) Tip for the day to all of you. Most important things to take care of when mood is low. Eat, sleep and go outside. Thake a deep breath and say one nice thing to yourself. You are all strong and loving!
2(6) My back hurts and I am a bit tired, but ok. Trying to focus on the positive things around me.
3(6) Monday, of to work. Sun is shining. Focus on the positive...
(6) Keep swimming, keep swimming... focus on the positive, distract mind from negative thoughts and eat! Must eat.
4(5) Didn't sleep well. Feeling so tired and late for work. Just wish to stay in bed today but need to get a lot of stuff done before vacation next week.
(7) Been tired today because i stayed up late yesterday (and now i'm doing it again...) but still got a lot done at work and had a nice dinner out with my husband. So quite good day after all.
5(8) Staying positive. This week we have a break from parenting when doughter stays with my mom and dad. And things are good at work, next week starts 4 week vacation. I feel free and happy.
(8) Feeling calm after practising 'Antar Mauna'. Drinking a cup of yoga tea and getting ready to continue workday.
(6) Mood is dropping. Back hurts, and mind is messy. Need to go home, rest and eat. Finish work in 30 min. Maybe go for a walk later.
(6) 'Your life is a reflection of your thoughts'
6(5) No reason to be tired, so why am i? Feeling low and have no motivation for staying positive. Maybe concentrate at work will the distraction i need and looking forward to movie night after work7(5) Had an argument with husband in the middle of the night. Feeling tired and low. Going to work, and this is last workday before my 4 week summer vacation. Mixed feeling about that to, 4 weeks with...
(6) Waiting for my therapy session to start.
(4) Its like a venom in my blood, I can feel it pumping through my veines... making my body tired and numb, and my mind dark. How do I make it stop when I dont really want to, when Im tired of fighting it
8(8) Sun is shining, first day of vacation. Going to the cinema this evening. Life is good. I have everything I need.9(7) 4 hours drive to get our doughter back from her visit to grandparents.
10(5) Not so happy about all the complaining, whining and bad behavior from daughter. Its rapidly upgraded my stress level. Also a lot feelings of guilt while thinking I enjoyd beeing free from her a week
(6) Was down to a three or maby two, crying, hating life etc. But took my sneakers on and went out for a walk on an old road in the forest. Came home and did some yoga/stretching and mood rose! ?
(6) 'May I be happy. May I be well. May I be safe. May I be peaceful and at ease.'
11(3) Feeling trapped. Why cant hb just let me be while im trying to get better. I know he wants us to be close but he is suffocatin me with all the love talk, hugging and touching...
(5) Feeling a bit better after talking about feelings and trying to explane to hb. Daugher got somekind of outburst but before that we had a nice day with playing games and drawing together.
(6) Decided to change my avatar. Me loves my cats ?
12(7) On a beautiful walk with my family. Nature is doing its trick.
(5) Only a 5 cause my body hurts so much. Took ibuprofen, hot bath and even got massage from hb. Now i need to get out of bed to fix thing at home before my brother and his two girls come for a visit.
13(6) 14(5) Trying to book late vacation accommodation, but everythings occupied.
(7) Hb much better at booking accommodation. I love him for his patience and dedication. And I'm drinking whiskey (ok probably not the smartest move, I will have headache tomorrow.)
15(8) Sunny day, finaly some summer feeling. Been doing garden work and sunbathing.16(5) Packing day. Back pain and stomache ache. Low energy and low motivation. Think I didn't sleep well. Cat vomited on bedroom floor and some wild animal screaming outside all night. Mood so sensitive...
17(7) Animal counting contest while driving to the zoo/fun park. ? 1 point for cow, 2 for horse, 10 for moose.18(5) In a bad mood, feet hurts and i am tired. Should have a good time at the zoo/amusement park but im not.19(5) Tired, low motivation. Need more sun and stopp eating this unhealthy food I've been putting in and more of the exercise. Need a PT, but it is so darn expensive.20(5) Started with the 5HTP again and feels dizzy and tired. Did not feel like this the last time...
(5) Sometimes I miss having a good friend. Miss the talks and the laughter. But I am happy about I found a man that loves me for who I am and cares a lot for me and our daughter. But somehow still lonely.
21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23(5) Where is my energy and motivation?
24(5) Got plenty of sun today (me like) but still so tired and unmotivated. Want to do a ton of things and at the same time nothing at all.25(5) The nothingness. Is this actual happiness but in disguise?
(6) Been productive, even though I've been tired. But I am craving for candy, coca cola, and a good movie... the more I get of this the more I want! But my healthier self screams for improvement
26(6) Feeling the inspiration, now dont think, just do it ?
(6) According to Instagram I have 35 friends+family that cares about my life... at least my sane and healthy Instagram-life, the good part of myself. The darker more desturbing me is in here ?
27(7) Being productive, feeling proud of myself. Still stressed about everything else that should be done, but Im doing the best I can so can I just give myself some credit it would be fine.28(6) Packing again, going on a trip tomorrow with family. Should be fun.
(4) Near a panic attac when neighbors dog came barging in, made ugly scratches on the new wooden floor and scared my cat so he ran out and hurt his back again!!! If he gets wors we might have...
29(8) Lovely weather, sunshine and playing at funpark on beutiful Åland with my family. Relaxing and living life when it's good.30(9) I am so lucky I found such kind, gentle and caring husband. He is like a different species. A man, but still so much more. Not in need of puting himself above others and he is calm and loving.
31(5) Been working on a small house all day, brushing of old paint and painting new. I am so totaly exhausted now, every muscle in my body hurts and I cant bearly lift my arms. Getting angry for no reason.
August
MTWTFSS
 1(6) Tired but ok.2(8) Lots of inspiration and motivation today! Hope everything will go smoothly
(4) Trying to analyse, whats the trigger to the rapid change in mood? Guessing stress, and the fact that Im a bad parent when all time goes to renovation and it feels like my daughter is just 'in my way'
3(5) Trying to take steps in another direction but it doesn't work. Been applying for other jobs and now an education, but I am not chosen... so the path remain the same. Is that what universe wants?4(5) On monday work starts again. And everything will get back to 'normal' after 30 days summer vacation including the stress, the sadness and the fighting with life. I am not prepared!5(4) Tired, sadness and panic is building up inside. Had a great vacation and dont want it to end.6(5) Made family a tasty vegetarian rosotto with mushrooms, and it was actually fun to begin with, but then my feet and back started to hurt and I got tired and irritated...
7(5) Winter is coming.
(4) Boss really knows how to charm the staff by starting monday meeting after vacation by saying, 'next year you will not have vacation in july like this, our expedition cant be closed for four weeks'.
8(4) Gah, i wake up exhausted and my mind is all foggy. Dont want to be an adult and take responsibility, just want to sleep, stay at home and play candy crush...
(6) Need a change, and since I didn't got that new jobb or qualified for the university classes, I moved my office space to another room and also applied for a choir to sing with others this autumn ?
9(4) Tried to go to to sleep early but couldn't fall asleep for two ours, then woke up many times. Feeling so tired. And have nothing to look forward to today.10(4) Hate jobb day mormings. So tired, just wanna go back to sleep and call in sick
(5) Had planned to join a meditation class today with Yoga Nidra, but daughter is not feeling well and need my attention. But I finaly decided to buy membership card at the yoga studio in town. ?
11(4) New day. Tired. Unmotivated. Low. At work staring at my monitor. Feeling heavy. ?
(5) Trying to find that friday feeling, but have to work tomorrow at town pride festival so having trubble enjoying it. The weather is nice though and daughter is playing with her pet shops.
(6) Cleaning the fish pond in the garden, watering plants and looking at the flowers. Cat is following me everywhere and wants to be a part of it. Very meditative and nice.
(6) Why is parenting so difficult, and why is having parent so difficult? Its like to worlds collide.
12(5) Been working today at pride festival in my town. App. 800-1000 people were there in the park. Lots of love and compassion. But my legs and back are killing me know, and i am hungry! ??????
(3) Struggeling with panic attack. While neighburs having a load party with music and screaming and I cant sleep. Getting so stressed and angry about this. Dont have currage to go and ask them to be quiet
13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
14(5) Monday, work. Had a angry attack at my daughter this morning when I was tired and stressed. Kind of set the mood for the day. Otherwise busy day, havn't had the time to think much.15(6) Feeling Vata increasing, both like the fast movement in though, speach and body, and dislike cause I'm afraid it will take me to far up in the blue. So compensaiting now by laying down trying to...16(5) Day have been ups and downs, thought it would be a nice evning but came home to find out one gold fish in our pond is missing. The second one this summer. ? makes me so sad. It was our responsibility17(6) Ok day, bit stressful, but had enough energy to deal with most of it, even though a few tears appeared, booth times when I was hungry. Like I said before: food's my number one!18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19(5) Downside. The rain is pouring outside, i am tired and sad. Upside. There is a warm fire burning in our fireplace/stove. Its weekend and i can rest and just go around in my pyjamas.
(4) Feels like a wasted day, just sleeping and doing nothing. Feels like my work is draining my energy. Feeling sad I waste my free time couse of the tiredness that comes from working. want another job.
20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
21(4) Gaaaah!
(4) I don't even know what to write. Everything is so confusing, don't know how I feel, sad, worried, stressed, tired, ill, pain, anxiety. were do I start, what do I need, what will I do. Sleep? If I can.
22(5) 23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24(5)
(5) Mindset: in the middle of nowhere
25No Reasons26(6) Day of. Nice weather outside but think I have a cold, so I lay in my bed at the moment. Need to get up and do something fun with my daughter.27No Reasons
28No Reasons29(4) 30(4) I am so f***ing pissed with my boss. Want to just scream at him what an idiot he is. But I stay silent and walk away. I so badly want another job... how the hell could he be choosen to be a leader?!
(4) I also hate our lousy internet conection here. Why isn't anything working?? I am so angry with everything! My boss, my internet, my body, my mom, my non existing friends, life, god, all other idiots..
31No Reasons
September
MTWTFSS
    1(5) Finaly weekend and two days of from work. Wish i had a few friends to go out with. Someone to talk to and conect with on a deeper level. Miss the talks I used to have with some people in the past.2(4) I dont know why everything is so messed up in my head. Feels like I crave something but I dont know what it is. I am just irritated all the time and everyone is draining my energy...3(4) Everything is of sync, unaligned, unadjusted.
4(3) ?? 'Hello darkness my old friend, I've come to talk with you again...'5(5) Feeling a little better today, but also a bit 'Uppgiven' (Swedish word, could'nt find the right english one, perhaps dejected or stated?) that they cant find anything wrong with my body despite pain6(5) Ibuprofen for headache and backpain, caffein to boost energy, now off to psychologist and then ReDesign group tonight.
(5) Needed to change from my real name to a nick name... hope you still know who I am pandas ?
(5) Psychologist suggested I should put more effort in finding friends, lower my expectaitions and do things that are not so serious...
7(4) Had a very stressful morning when I realised that ventilation service guy is coming today and house look like shit and I dont know how to take of the protective casing or know where tools are...
(5) Licorice yoga tea and a piece of chocolate. Feeling better. Service guy finished and I am of to work.
(6) Feeling good after yoga class. ? ?? was going to put a 'but' after, but will just leave it positive (lets train on this, right @Jeff M?)
8(6) Nice crisp morning. Sun is shining. Its friday ???. Focusing on the positives. Have a great day out there pandas!
(6) Finaly of work for the weekend. Want a hot bath or a fire in the stove. Autumn makes me feel like an ice lolly. And its gonna be way cooler soon... ?
(6) In bathtub. Lots of bubbles and a glass of Jack Daniels Tennesse honey. Feeling the heat now
9(5) Ok, difficult today. Three positive. 1. Its saturday and we have time to fix things at home. 2. Daaah 3. Meeh. Cant do this. Wants to just bury myself in selfpity...
(5) https://play.google.com/music/preview/Tzwj343kg43uf5vu6xaxhq5clva?lyrics=1&utm_source=google&utm_medium=search&utm_campaign=lyrics&pcampaignid=kp-lyrics
10(5) Trying to figure out this lonely feeling I've got. Makes no sense. I have both a husband and a daughter that wants my attention so much that it sometimes is to much. But still no one to really talk to
(7) Been dancing with daughter in our livingroom. And then we had an interesting conversation about boys, god, evolution, politics, and what makes us who we are. Conversations with an eight year old ???
11(4) Arrived at work 30 min ago. Just want to go home again and crawl back into bed. I am tired and dont have enough energy/strenght to face todays problems and people.
(4) Joined a 'get new friends' app for female. Found three participants in my town. Just sent a message to one of them. #lookingforafriend
(7) More than 100 persons (2 men, rest female) in the choir tonight. It was very fun! Perhaps I can also find a new friend here along the way? #singing #makingnewfriends #laughing
12(4) My mind is a mess. Syntax error! Need to sleep and reboot. Will now pick up daughter from school and then yoga class tonight.13(6) Wow! The difference after one good night sleep! Feel almost happy, without any reason, is that even possible?!
(5) I've had probl. with my tailbone since early this year and have pain while seated. Physiotherapist suggest a corection of tailbone via anus ?? I'm thinking perhaps I can live with the pain after all
14(3) Down again. Tired, cried my self to sleep last night. This fight seemes pointless sometimes. Its a neverending war. Hate everything atm. I know it will get better though. Maybe tomorrow.
(4) Want to give up. At the same time I am not a quiter, I am a persistant mother f*****. Otherwise I wouldn't still be here.
15(5) So, best cure for depression. Shopping? At least it feels good at first, before you realize all the money are gone. But it feels good to look good.
(5) Sometimes we need attention from one certain person but we don't get it from him/her. Its aggravating. Meanwhile other see us, but we don't see them. That's tiring.
16(4) 17No Reasons
18No Reasons19(4) 20(4) 21(4) 22(5) Finaly friday.
(5) I am back after one weeks break from MP. But missed you all to much.
23(5) Perhaps a walk would be nice24(5) Went for a walk this morning. Beautiful autumn day. Now a hot bath and then find healthy recepies. Also got one answer on my new friend app, so will give this friend 'dating' a try.
25(5) Walk, healthy food, meditation.
(4) Failed attemp to go to the choir tonight. Been stressed all day and got to tired. Know it's no big deal, but the choir was a way for me to get better, have fun, make friends. Disappointed at myself ?
26(4) Eating healthy, going for a walk with my cats (many stops along the way). Hopefully I will get myself to go back to town for yoga practice this evening.
(5) Feeling better after yoga practice. Now a hot bath with lots of bubbles before bedtime. ? Got a yoga homework till next week: Be my own best friend!
27(4) If my worksituation makes me depressed, I guess a new job with 400-500$ less salary is worth it? But what if the new job doesn't make me feel better... then I am still depressed with less money...28(5) Envy. That little poisoning thought.29(5) World mood is low right now. Lots of pandas struggeling around the world. Lots of love and support to all of you ?? may the bamboo be with you.30(5) Today workday outside with neighbours. Fixing the common areas by the lake. First time I will be with them and I am proud that I will give it a chance.
October
MTWTFSS
      1(4) Fever chills, bodypain, headache, crying. Can hardly move at all.
2(5) Still feeling sick. At home, watching Netflix and applying for other jobs. Need to make another atempt to change my life in another direction.
(5) Spoke with my brother on the phone today. Guess I should call him more often, because we both needs someone to talk to. To bad he lives so far away. We share so much similar behavior and understanding
3(5) Back and hips hurt so much today. Can barely walk but made myself walk with the cats down to the lake. Sunny, beautiful autumn. Green, yellow brown and orange. Also fed the goldfishes in our pond. ?4(4) Realised my low mood this last month probably is a reaction of that I went to a new physiotherapist. To go trough all the examinations and still no answer to whats wrong with my body.
(4) Celebrating 9 years weddingday today. Guess my hb doesn't have a clue. ??
(5) Good food, cider and chocolate. Ok I will give it a strong 5.
5(5) Feeling positive. This day has potential to bea good day. Pain is less today.
(4) Just came to my knowledge that a wolf has been seen in our area. So now I am super worried about our cats and I will keep them indoors. They realy hate that though.
6(4) Friday, hopefully I can sneak out a little early from work. Not feeling good. Pain, tired and low mood. Grey day outside, raining.
(5) 30 min lunch break. Curtains down, closed office door, lit a candle, rolled out my yogamat, put on soft music, covered myself with a blanket and got my wheatwarmer. Try doing this every day at work.
(5) Now a hot bath, then 'Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales' with popcorn and chocolate. Happy friday!
7(5) Made a big autumn fire outside with old branches and fallen trees. Was supposed to grill also but now it's raining. Back still hurts a lot and brings my mood down.
(4) Sister in law is visiting with her two children 6 & 4 and playing with my daughter, 8. The noise level in the house is high, and I cant think. Just wish to be alone atm.
8(4) Thought this morning how unsatisfied I am with my body. But a lot can be fixed with excersice and training. So what do I do? I bought snacks and cookies, went home and wached Netflix for 3 hours....
(3) I really love my daughter and just wished I could be a better mother. Not this broken, sad and angry person I have become. She deservs so much better. She is such a beautiful soul.
9(3) Cryed 3 times even before I got to work this morning. Just in pain, no energy or will to fight anymore. Now crying at work in my office. Dont know what to do.
(3) Went home 3 hours early from work. Think I have a cold coming wich can explain the intensified pain in my lower back.
10(4) Staying home today, not feeling well. But not working also make me stressed because we really need the money.
(4) Today I have tried IFD diet. Lots of avocado, ayurvedic lentil soup with turmeric, ginger-lemon water and also made seed crisps. Back still hurts like hell and I hope to feel better soon.
11(4) Misses green. But got stronger painkillers and muscle relaxing meds today so hope I soon feel better. Need to go back to work tomorrow, to my depressing work and pretend to love it like always. Smile.12(4) Nope, no work for me this week. I will stay home and take care of my self. Whats with this rainy and windy weather. Hate it!
(5) Yesterday was a busy day. Physiotherapist, psychologist, doctors app. and in the evening I went to a lecture: 'Exercise your inner condition - Less stress, more joy'. Feeling slightly better today.
(5) Words from yesterdays lecture 'Like body building, our mind need resistance and more weight to grow'.
13(5) 'If we can't be grateful of what we got, why do we think we would be happy if we had more?'14(5) Today I am grateful that my meds working and my pain in less. Also that the sun shined a short while so that I could go for a short walk. I am grateful for spending time with my daughter.15(5) A bit worried about the coming week, did not prepare myself enough.
(5) Why does some of us feel the darkness so strong, and so easily get drawn down with it? Whats the evolutionary purpose? At first glance it feels like a weakness. Would we even survive on our own?
16(5) Work give me money, therefore I have to work. But it makes me feel like a prisoneer. I am slave in the system. To break out is difficult, without money.
(5) Best part of the day. Coming home, say hello to cats, change to more comfy clothes especially get rid of that itchy bra and tight pants, put on warm socks, and just be myself! ?
17No Reasons18(5) Its been almost to much health appointments this week. But starts now with duloxetin 30mg/day. Hopefully it will help me with depression, body pain and PMS! High expectations right now.19(5) Is it possible to react to the SNRI medicin the first day? I beleive I do but is it just imagination? Anyway I feel less tired and mind is less foggy, only downside is the naucea.
(6) Senses are more clear, I can even see well without my glasses!! And zero tirerdness. How is this even possible? This cant be imagination or placebo? I didn't even believe in this medicin.
20(5) Went to the hairdresser, is not happy with the result ? Luckily my hair grows fast. Otherwise all the good expieriences yesterday I dont feel today, and my back still hurts. Did a CATscan today.21(5) Try to eat healthy, do my physiotherapy/yoga, take my new SNRI meds. In time it will change. I still have hope and trust. Still today is low, need to activate myself, perhaps go for a walk.22(4) Why is my back pain getting worse? Back on muscle relalaxing meds and dubble painkillers (paracetamol and NSAID). Also depressed and cant find joy in anything. Waiting for this state to change ?
23(5) Looking forward to my retirement. Its only 30 more years ???24(5) Ok day at work. Pain is almost gone but the meds are making me so tired. Time for bed now, good night pandas.25No Reasons26(5) Been sitting in a meeting at work all day about planning for 2018. And that is never fun. More work, more pressure and nothing sounds fun... now I am heading home. Nothing fun awaits there either...27(5) When daughter is not feeling well and want us to stay home today, I am perhaps to quick to accept. But I dont want to go either. Rather stay home and watch a movie with her.28(5) Productive day at home, until my body couldn't take more and I fell asleep after my bath. Stomach is upset today, perhaps from meds.29(5) Been painting in the home office space. Feel tired now. Always so tired. I am tired of being tired.
30(5) Start to get tired of all health appontment lately. Doctors, physioterapeuts, psychologist and now psychiatrist. No one seems to find a solution for my problem.
(5) I am thankfull of our social health reform in my country. I pay 15-20$ for a health appointment. After 120$ we get a free card valid for one year. Also my employer pays for the first 120$...
31(5) Increased SNRI to 60 mg. Will se how my body and mind reacts. Of painkillers now and back hurts again, also had a bad night sleep and think I will be tired today.
November
MTWTFSS
  1(5) Dreams has been so lively/intense these last nights. Dont feel rested when I wake up.2No Reasons3(5) Fridays is almost always a blessing. Popcorn, Netflix and a sleepy cat in my lap.4(6) Feeling happy about all the progress we are making with our renovation at home. It is still a chaos here but I actually starts to se the end of it. It is still a lot to do though and lots of work left5(5) Nothing much to complain about today, keep painting and working in our house, but am a bit stressed that weekend soon is over and I have to go back to work again.
6(5) One of my favourite quote ”Yoga tought me to love myself, that is why I love yoga”.7(5) New day once again, thanks for that! At work, feeling stable but bored. Rather be home and finish with the paintjob.8(5) Finaly this workday is finished. Already so dark outside. Makes me wish for snow soon that brightens up the landscape a bit. I missed the Northen Lights in the sky this night, they say it was beatiful9No Reasons10(5) Oh no, feel a cold is on its way. Just need a break from all the sickness and pain lately. With winter coming I need my streght both mentaly and physical. Anyway its friday today and that is nice!
(4) I am going crazy sometimes being a parent. God damn she can really be rude, mean, teasing, anoying and push all my buttons at once!!! ?????I dont know if I can do this anymore... ??????
11(5) Went to the mall with daughter and played some adventure mini golf and ate at a cafe. Then went home and did some paintjob in the house. Now I am so tired...12(5) Busy day, renovating, organizing, packing, laundry, cleaning... feeling stable, but a bit tired and stressed as always on sundays when I know weekend is soon over.
13(5) On a boat to Finland with work. ??14(5) It is so nice to be home again! Appreciate everything so much more after a long tiring work conference. Food was not good, it was cold and my back started to hurt again from all the sitting.
(5) First snow came today but will probably melt in the morning. Time to sleep now. Good night dear pandas.
15(4) I am so tired! And my dreams are so vivid and I dream so much at night. I think this is a side effect from my ADs. Just want to go back to sleep. Please let me sleep through this winter. Dreamless.
(5) Food. I have no motovation to cook anything. Want to eat healthy but its so boring to chop veggies and prepare.
16No Reasons17(4) Overslept again. I am so tired. Must get daughter to school. But cant move my body. Please god, let me sleep.18(5) ”A home without a cat, is just a house”19(5) Exhausted after all the renovation at home. But now it finaly starts to look like a kitchen. But the mess all around the house is so disturbing. Want everything to be nice and tidy soon.
(4) I am not sure if it was the perfectly carved women in game of thrones that brought my mood down or if it was the thought of the new work week. Perhaps both.
20(4) It seems like nothing is joyful anymore. Life is just boring and hard. I am so tired of everything.
(4) After meeting with my psychiatrists today I will increase cymbalta to 90mg/day. But medicine will probably not help a boring life to become joyful. And the cognitive behavioral therapy give no result.
21(5) Yoga today was nice. Also had job appraisal at work, wich went rather good I guess. Think my mood yesterday was hormones going wild again. I am back to 5.
(5) I dont have any goals or dreams for my future. Perhaps that is why I dont feel motivation about life or work anymore. I have nothing to look forward to or to long for.
22(5) Feeling a bit lost. Dont know where I am heading, dont even know where I wanna go. Trying to stay in the present but everything is spinning around. Want clearity and perspective. Want a clear path.23No Reasons24No Reasons25No Reasons26No Reasons
27No Reasons28No Reasons29No Reasons30No Reasons