5.8 avg
  129 days
  243 hugs
  10 followers
January
MTWTFSS
      1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
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February
MTWTFSS
  1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
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March
MTWTFSS
  1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
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April
MTWTFSS
     1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
May
MTWTFSS
1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter31To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
June
MTWTFSS
   1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6(6) 7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
12(1) 13(4)
(4) Just joined. Am home alone and trying to control my paranoia about my relationship while my boyfriend stays overnight elsewhere. It's hard to keep my mind clear of negative thoughts.
14(4) Job interview today. Nervous.
(5)
15(6) Travelling for work, then date night. Nice to have some quality time. Fingers crossed we'll plan a holiday.
(7) Feeling pretty calm. Productive day at work, evening bike ride and some quality time with my partner. Got to hold onto the positives.
16(8) Woke up convinced I'd messed up my interview and felt awful. Turns out I was the highest scoring candidate. Shows how wrong those negative thoughts can be.
(2) Had a fight with my boyfriend over something I'm paranoid about and now am in tears. I just can't keep a handle on anything. I'm up and down like a yoyo
17(5) Feeling better this morning. Just want to get back to feeling like me instead of me plus all the crap I'm lugging around in my head
(7) When somebody you love does something only because they know how much better it will make you feel even if to them it's totally bonkers. #loved
18(7) Sunday morning pottering around at home and going to a comedy show later. Feeling pretty calm and content. Ready to laugh later.
(8)
19(6) It's been a good day and although those negative thoughts are banging at the door they're not coming in. I'm going to breathe deeply and do something else until they give up and go away. #determined20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22(7) Have been having a good week. Just got to keep up this positive frame of mind!
(6)
23(6) My boyfriend just left to visit a friend for the weekend. Normally I get very lonely, anxious and paranoid when he's away but this weekend I've got my kitty cat with me and I'm going to be okay.24(7) 25(9) Fantastic night catching up with friends last night, beautiful scull on the river in the misty rain this morning... This is shaping up to be a really great weekend :)
26(5) Had a little dip last night but feeling better today.27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28(3) Negative thoughts and paranoia creeping in... ruining what had been a decent day.
(1)
(3) Negative thoughts, paranoia, inferiority, self-loathing. What a fun combo.
(5)
29(6) 30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
July
MTWTFSS
     1(6) 2(5) Feeling a bit grumpy and out of sorts. In the sort of mood where I start picking fights and I don't know where it came from. Wish I could shake it off.
3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4(3) Swamped at work, low at home. Feeling totally overwhelmed.5(5) Challenging week. Paranoia is at my doorstep again. Fighting.
(4) Boyfriend is going away for work tonight, last minute. I've no reason not to trust him but this sort of thing triggers my paranoia - I think he's cheating or just desperate to avoid me. Paranoia sucks
(0) He's turned off his phone without calling first and I can't reach him. I'm paranoid he's with somebody else. I'm having a panic attack. I don't know anybody nearby, there's nobody to help me
6(5) 7(5) In a low period after having been good for a while. Wish I could just relax and be happy like I used to be. Frustrated.
(6)
8(6) A day with my boyfriend and his brother. Should be fun and easygoing9(6) My problems are still there, some days I am just better at handling them
10(5) Looking forwards to going on holiday this weekend, very sad to be going without my boyfriend who is staying behind to work.11(5) Had a bad night last night. Over-tired and unable to manage my emotions. I felt crushed by them. Today I am just getting on and trying to hope for better days to come.12(7) Long day but nice dinner and evening walk with my boyfriend.13(6) Super tired but feeling pretty calm and in control today. Life isn't perfect, but I'm handling it.14(5) I think part of my problem is that I can't just relax and let life happen. I spend so much energy trying to make life happen my way/worrying about things I can't influence instead of letting them be15(9) Off on holiday to visit family. Will miss my boyfriend but am so excited to see my family and friends16(6) Still in transit. TIRED.
17(2) Again, as soon as I'm not at home I can't reach my boyfriend at all. I feel totally unloved and unimportant.
(9) Feeling better today
(1) Boyfriend declined my call from a thousand miles away to go out with friends. Can't believe I stay with such an asshole
18(1)
(1) It was only a phone call. Why do I let it hurt me so much? I am better than this feeling.
19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23(10)
24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter30(9) Sad to go home after a wonderful holiday but feeling so refreshed. I feel like myself again
(6) Determined not to slip back into my old suspicion or paranoia now I'm home. Holding onto what my holiday gave me back
31To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
August
MTWTFSS
 1(8) Feeling strong2(8) Still feeling strong, calm and relaxed. What a difference a holiday makes!3(8) Still going strong, just living my life today without any anxiety or paranoia in my relationships. Win!4(8) Another day holding negativity at bay. Feeling strong, holding onto what matters.5(7) At a CBT course for stress and mood management today. Feeling vulnerable but I know this is good for me.6(7) Tired but glad to see some sunshine. Boyfriend arrives home today after 3 weeks apart - excited and a little nervous
(6)
(9) Content
7(7) Back to reality for a few weeks - still clinging to the relaxing effects ofmy holiday and hope to stay in this positive place
(5) Just back yesterday and he's going away again all weekend. Disappointed but I know it's important he goes and can't be helped. Just bad timing.
8(4) Frustrated by club sports where I can't seem to catch a break. Not sure if I'm expecting too much or being a diva, just want a fair shot and a sport I love.
(5) Still frustrated but a colleague has made me laugh and I feel better. Have to learn to let things wash over me when I can't control them. Hoping my mood will improve throughout the day...
(6) Learning to adjust my expectations when disappointment hits. I can't control other people but I can change my perspective and control my reactions
9(7) It's raining and miserable here but I'm doing okay. The heaviness I felt yesterday morning dissipated over the day and this morning I'm feeling pretty light :)10(8) Blue sky, sunshine, work travel, good meeting, lunch with an old friend, cooking (and soon eating) and booking a holiday with my boyfriend. Yes, today has been a good day.11(6) Boyfriend away all weekend after only 5 nights at home. A little sad but I'm reminding myself that it's only one out of hundreds of weekends and I've filled it with friends, fun and self-care!12(7) Today is all about exercise, friends and taking it easy. Somehow I'm still managing to counter all my anxious and paranoid thoughts!
(5) It has been a good day but a little part of me is just hoping my boyfriend thinks of me when he's away and isn't in touch much... hope he's busy telling his friends about me!
13(8) Bright sunny morning, endless possibilities for my day :)
(4) Woke up feeling good but now stuck in a negative thought cycle about my relationship. The more I think the worse I feel. Got to work out how to disrupt this.
(2) Overwhelmed by sadness.
(5)
14(9) In the end I got some wonderful quality time with my boyfriend last night. I think I had a little dip in hormones yesterday causing some mad mood swings. Much better today :)15(5) Hoping that pilates and a sunny evening picnic can gently wash off an unpleasant day at work. Not unhappy, just feeling a bit Eurgh.16(3) It's really hurtful to be shut out by someone you love who is in pain. I don't know what to do :(
(7) Feeling better this end of the day, hope it lasts.
17(7) A good day at work and a lovely evening with friends :)18(5) Must learn to stop picking stupid fights about unimportant things19(8) Beautiful day20(9) Lovely message from the parent of a kid I coached today. Made my day! :)
21(8) 22(7) A few months ago a night away from my boyfriend would have sent me into a tailspin of anxiety and paranoia. Yet here I am, enjoying the quiet, enjoying having the bed to myself. What a change.23(6) I'm doing well but some times are harder than others. Tonight I'm fighting the paranoia and negative thoughts and I'm going to win.24(6) Pretty tired. Glad it's Friday tomorrow.25(2) Been doing so well and since late last night I'm not holding it together any more. I'm sad, I'm anxious, I'm paranoid... I thought I'd left all that behind :(
(4) Feeling totally overwhelmed by experiencing all of the emotions all at the same time today. Exhausting.
(5) Feeling better than this morning but home alone, again. Tired, lonely, missing my boyfriend :/
(2) Miserable. Sad, lonely, anxious, paranoid.
26No Reasons27(5) Little holiday with my boyfriend today, I hope it will do us both good.
28(8) 29(4) Fighting all that negativity and paranoia. Not sure I can win. Every time I think I'm doing okay it comes back and bites me in the ass.30(7) Feeling better today but I know that the littlest thing can tip me over into a bad place. Going to stay positive and keep worming at it.31No Reasons
September
MTWTFSS
    1(7) 2(10) Festival concert with an old friend. Feeling great!3(2) I've had too much to drink and I feel terrible. At a wedding and sat outside on my own in a cold wet corner because my boyfriend doesn't give two shits about me
4No Reasons5(5) Feeling better after yesterday's horrendous hangover. I know drinking is bad for me - it makes me sick and affects how I see the world. Think I'll stay off the hooch for a while...6(8) Today has been a good day. Contemplating how much of an evening bike ride I can fit in before it gets too dark!
(6) Just realised I accidently cleared all my moodpanda data - almost 3 months of tracked moods, through some really tough times and improvements, all gone!
7(9) Good day at work and amazing Chief Panda Jake sorted out my account so I've got all my data back. Happy days!8(7) Usual Friday night home alone but enjoying the time with my cat and watching whatever I want on TV... No anxiety, no paranoia so far!
(3) It's really late now and he's still not home. Feeling sad. This is when anxiety and paranoia start telling me it's because he's avoiding having to be here with me.
9(9) Fantastic morning on the river, productive afternoon working on our house and an evening to relax together. Good day so far.10No Reasons
11No Reasons12(3) Feeling really angry and grumpy today. Had a real dip last night feeling unloved and upset with my partner too. Perhaps today is a hangover of that. I'm very tired, I'm always worse when I'm tired.
(5) Feeling better than this morning.
13(5) Had a great day til I fell off my bike onto my face. Mostly okay but feeling rough and tearful. Will go to bed soon.14(5) A good but busy day. Only just stopped moving and didn't finish everything I wanted to. Will have to just keep plugging away at it tomorrow.15(8) A busy day but I am pleased with the work I accomplished. And now it's the start of a well-deserved weekend spending time with friends and my partner. Happy Friday, Pandas!16(8) Lovely day with friends, now lazing about this evening.17(6) Days have ups and downs and sometimes life feels like a rollercoaster. But emotions pass in time and life evens itself out eventually. Tired but contented today.
18(5) Today is just a 'go to bed' kind of a day. I'm so much better than I was but it can all fall apart when I am tired. Better to quit while I'm ahead.19No Reasons20(7) Early gym, meetings in the office and a return to my alma mater for work this afternoon. Productive and interesting day so far!21(2) Such an awful day at work. Totally out of my depth and totally unsupported.22(5) It's been another terrible day at work. Now my partner is away for the weekend and I can feel the paranoia nipping at my toes. I feel sick.
(4) Just feeling awful. Grandparents old and poorly too, going into a care home next week. Just overwhelmed by all of it and too tired to feel like I can cope.
(3) Feeling tired, sad, paranoid and disappointed that I have let the paranoia in... Anxious, afraid my boyfriend lied to me about where he is tonight. Looking for proof, analysing words and time stamps:(
23(3) Still feeling sad and anxious and paranoid. Going back to bed. Don't know why I do this to myself.
(5) Several hours' nap. I've lost half the day but I guess I needed it.
(7) Feeling better after the extra sleep. Sunny day, keeping busy. A few lovely messages from my boyfriend and my paranoia is ebbing away...
24(5) It's been a great day but I always start to feel paranoid/anxious/low when I get tired. Two hours ago I'd have posted a 7 or 8...
25(5) Mostly okay and then tiny little things make me doubt my entire reality. How do I become stronger? Sometimes it feels like everything I thought I knew is not real...
(6) Ups and downs, ups and downs. Levelling out at a 6 tonight. At least for now. And on that note I'm going to bed.
26(7) Good day with work, pilates now27(4) Having a good day and feeling well in myself but very sad that today my grandparents had to move to a nursing home. All decided and done in 2 weeks and so hard for them.28(6) Sunny day, commuting by bike. Feeling a bit more robust emotionally today. Hope it lasts.
(7) The end of a good day. Work was productive, I did my full workout at the gym, I got to ride my bike and I got some time to myself at home tonight.
29(7) Feeling good today. Parents coming over for dinner and bringing my cat to stay for a few weeks while they're away. Love my fluffy friend :)
(6) Boyfriend is out (obvs, it's Friday) and I'm just at home with my cat. Hate it when he's out really late and can't relax but am okay so far. Having my cat here helps!
30(6) Long day - rowing, visiting grandparents, boyfriend's family for dinner. Lots of emotions, very tired.
October
MTWTFSS
      1(7) Lunch out with my boyfriend's family. We're so lucky to both have great families.
2(3) Feeling overwhelmed and overburdened. Stressed to verge of tears. Boyfriend going away tomorrow for two nights for work. Not in frame of mind to handle it
(5) Feeling better for having been to the gym and done my training. Still nervous to have the same old conversation where I confess my staggering insecurity to my boyfriend. Just can't shake it off.
(6) My boyfriend was lovely about my insecurity tonight. Still sad to be home alone for two nights but reassured of his love and acceptance.
3(7) Doing really well on the first of two nights home alone. My kitty cat is good company and so far I've got no anxiety and no paranoia. Hoping for a good night's sleep.4No Reasons5(8) So far, two good days home alone. I have slept pretty well, exercised, been productive at work and invested in friendships. And I'm looking forwards to catching up on everything we've each missed
(7) Work ended up miserable and I'm very tired but spent an hour or two with friends and on balance, I'm fine.
6(7) Long but good day at work and now a quiet evening relaxing and resting at home7(8) Decent morning at the rowing club, spending the rest of the day with my partner and going for dinner and to a book talk tonight. Should be fun.8(6) Feeling tired and a bit fractious today but okay overall
(8) Feeling a lot more relaxed than I was earlier. Decided to get ready for bed instead of watching TV and now I'm tucked up with a book. A better way to wind down for sleep!
9(7) Forgot to bring work shoes today after riding my bike. I feel a bit silly alt am glad I can laugh at myself at times like these!10No Reasons11(7) Long day travelling for work. Very tired but will be relaxing at the cinema with my boyfriend tonight :)12(7) Busy day but forced to go home early to let the gas man in. Using it as an excuse to read, do a crossword, sit around and rest...13(5) Feeling a bit low. Overworked, very tired, frustrated that there is always stuff I can't find time for, garden is a mess, bedroom is a mess where we still haven't finished painting after 9 months...14(7) Tracked my sleep to try and understand why in so tired. Now just have to make sense of what the data is telling me!15(9) Fantastic race and big night out last night, easy family day today :)
(9) Still feeling good. Ready to settle in for a relaxing evening and a good night's sleep!
16(8) Long day travelling for work again but the meeting went well and was very informative. Now just to face the trains to get home!17(8) Happier and more relaxed than I've been in a long time. Wondering if I've finally come out the other side of a bad patch...? Almost waiting to 'relapse'!18(8) On my way home. Taking the bus and an using the time to read a book :)
(7) Totes ready to go to bed
19(8) Tired but feeling relaxed in life. I'm very busy but I don't feel overwhelmed at the moment. I'm doing well!20(5) Pretty sure I'm coming down with some sort of lurgy. Not looking forwards to my very early start for training tomorrow...21(6) Definitely poorly but in good spirits. Survived training by keeping it low impact, out for coffee with my boyfriend then will make a cake for when a friend pops round for tea later :)
(5) Health deteriorating, quiet night at home.
22(5) Definitely under the weather, it feels like my body is disintegrating. I feel rotten.
23(5) Called in sick to work. Today I am sitting at home in my pyjamas feeling sorry for myself.
(5) Still feeling terrible but my lovely boyfriend is taking extra good care of me now he's home from work.
24(5) Another day at home with my lurgy. It's good to rest and I'm trying to ignore everything that I know is stacking up on my desk...25(6) Still not 100%, still at home but at least well enough to do a bit of work and maybe get out into the sunshine for a walk later.26No Reasons27(8) Lovely dinner out with my boyfriend last night. I'm still poorly but it was lovely to treat ourselves.
(8) Tired but relaxed. Went for a drink with old friends tonight and am heading for bed soon. Love sleep!
28(7) Good row this morning, beautiful sunshine and autumn colours. Bit nervous that my boyfriend is away tonight but only because I'm afraid I might bet anxious. Anxious about potentially being anxious!
(4) Ah, there it is. Hello paranoia, my old friend...
(3) Was all set to go outside and make the most of the sunshine. And now I'm sat at home crying because of my paranoia. I've been so much better lately but not today.
(5) Sorting out my paranoia. Feeling a little better but very silly for still not being able to control my negative thinking spirals. Annoyed at myself and the two hours of sunshine I've wasted.
(3) Was feeling glum and then somebody rammed my car. While I was in it. Twice. And then he drove away. Didn't get the full number plate so unlikely the police will be able to catch him. So angry.
29(9) Wonderful day. Rowing, breakfast with a friend, coffee with another friend, stopped by my mum and dad's... ?
30(7) Having a good day but not very focused at work. Have sacked off training this coming weekend to accept the offer of a free stay in London. Just when I felt we needed a little weekend away :)
(8) Ready to sleep. Another good day.
31No Reasons
November
MTWTFSS
  1(8) Reflecting on progress - last month just one red day, 4 days missed and lots of green. I still have awful moments but they pass more quickly and I generally feel more stable. I'm proud of myself.
(6) Long busy day. Tired and feeling a little insecure but hoping it'll pass soon.
2(4) Insecurity bubbled over into tears last night. Feeling tired and sad this morning.
(4) Feeling low again at this end of the day. Very tearful, very very tired.
3No Reasons4(5) Meh.5No Reasons
6(7) Already missed recording my mood two days this month, not so good. I'm alright today though. Bit worried about staying away overnight for work on Wednesday but will cross that bridge when I come to it7(5) After months of feeling 'better' I'm afraid my anxiety is back. I've got lots of nights away for work this month and I'm dreading the first one tomorrow because I'm afraid I'll be anxious.
(6) My boyfriend is away tonight but I'm doing okay. I'm away tomorrow night. Hope I'm this calm and relaxed then too.
8(6) Good meeting, presentation went well. Looking for a table for one and an going to buy myself a nice dinner before settling down to watch TV in my hotel room. All good so far.
(6) Feeling sleepy and relaxed. This is good. Just need a good night's sleep ready for my meeting tomorrow.
9(9) I survived! No anxiety, no tears. A chilled evening and a good night's sleep. My fear of being anxious was unfounded. Meetings today and home tonight.
(7) On my way home from the big city. Exhausted.
(7) On my way home from the big city. Exhausted.
10(6) Not a bad day. Ready to sleep, that's for sure.11No Reasons12No Reasons
13(6) I had a great weekend but I don't know how Monday has come around so quickly and I just didn't sleep well at all last night. Exhausted!
(5) Productive day at work, frustrating evening at the gym. Swings and roundabouts, eh.
14No Reasons15No Reasons16(3) He's still not home. I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm lonely, I'm tired. I'm hurt I wasn't invited. Tomorrow he's going off to visit a friend so I won't see him at all til Sunday. Wasn't invited to that ether17(4) Home alone, strained muscle and had to cancel my races tomorrow. Eurgh.18(7) Good day but I could really do with a back massage. Such tight muscles!19No Reasons
20No Reasons21No Reasons22No Reasons23No Reasons24No Reasons25No Reasons26No Reasons
27No Reasons28No Reasons29No Reasons30No Reasons