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  90 days
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  8 followers
January
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February
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March
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April
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May
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June
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July
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August
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September
MTWTFSS
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18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19No Reasons20(5) 21(2)
(4) I've woke up yet again with pains in my body for the last few days I've had pain in a lot of places and doctors always ignore me because I'm 'mental' I try get up daily for my daughter but it's hard
(7) I'm exhausted and my daughter was screaming all morning but I'm hopeful that doctors will find the cause of my pains and happy my daughter realised she could sit on the potty (she is 2) ?
22(8) Been Quite a pleasant evening ? playing chase with my daughter until I put her to bed. I'm tired though but that like my perminant state now lol
(4) That awkward moment your body is tired, but your mind is only half ready to sleep... but you can't try as painful limb pain is starting in my ankle ? it will spread up my leg soon ?
(9) Feeling not much pain this afternoon and feeling a little motivated (I've just woke up) so I think I'll try grab some healthy breakfast and do some housework ? or go to the park with Lillian ?
(4) My energy just all drained out my body ? I'm getting a headache from tiredness .... so I can no longer go out with my daughter like I planned ?
23(3) I'm so exhausted ? I hope I can sleep soon (It's 3.35am where I am)
(5) When you shattered from not much sleep the night before but can't nap anyway because your body just doesn't want to sleep yet ? just going to eat myself to sleep at this rate
(2) I feel bloody rotten ? nausea, dizziness, migraine, Ibs playing up, hot and cold flushes ... go me ... yay *sarcasm obviously*
24(4) I guess I'm just not sleeping tonight then ? bored and sick and can't sleep.... great combo
(5) Still sick .... been 3 days now this is annoying ?
25(8) Watching the cutest anime ?? I may be still poorly but at least I've been entertained and relatively happy for a bit ?
(3) I feel fat ? I've been feeling really low recently and then I also got sick and I eat so much junk when I feel awful and I've gained a kg and it's making me feel so fat I could cry ?
(6) It was so nice getting a hug off my daughter before I napped (I was exhausted) I love hugging her it feels so nice
26(1) I'm so bloody exhausted ? but recently I'm getting no bloody sleep thanks to severe anxiety and my bf letting my daughter sleep any time she feels like so she isn't sleeping through the night ?27(4) Pretty much running on fumes as I've still basically not slept ? but at least my daughter had fun at her physio appointment this morning which I got up for as I had been awake for hours anyway28(6) Ok due to alarms I've got in the morning.... I've only got 4 1/2 solid hours sleep..... but they were solid!! My god so great!! Although I feel more tired for it? ?
(2) Fucking irritated I have a migraine coming thanks to my daughter screaming for practically 3 hours ? I'm and totally stressed out.... all while my bf just stayed in fucking bed ? he was tired?? How?
(4) I've worked out that it's actually something upsetting my ibs and that's why I've been sickly for weeks ? yay something else I can't eat
(6) Laid with cool flannels on me because the migraine is making me feel hot ? but I'm playing sims anyway as my pain meds have taken the edge off thank god
29(3) Fml I can't sleep as my neck is in too much pain, i feel too hot and I'm apparently just not tired enough ?
(5) Getting a blood test done to check over my bowels and if my muscles are inflamed but the doctor suggested I might have fibromyalgia .... from what I've just read it's awful
(5) Having bpd makes the journey through life weird, chaotic, almost like your drowning in yourself but then any emotions are strong so happiness can feel like the best thing in the world it's confusing?
30(7) I'm glad that someone I hadn't seen in a year noticed today how much weight I lost and said I looked healthier ? took a lot painto get here tbh
(5) Nearly 4am and I'm just not asleep again ? I pretty much pray for sleep at night
(6) Kind of sick of being exhausted and sore ? but st least my arm isn't bruised after the blood test and my bf is being really helpful and understanding to how sick I am
(2) I'm so constipated my stomach hurts so much ? and I just read a awful article saying bpd sufferers victimise people ??
(7) I was meant to be sleeping an hour and a half ago :/ but I'm really awake ... having a salt bath to try relax
October
MTWTFSS
      1(4) Pain and insomnia are keeping me awake :(
(2) I hate feeling nauseous ???
(5) I only managed a couple hours sleep :/ will my pain flare up again today? Will I be able to actually go for a walk? ? I just want a normal life. But I'll try be good this morning
(2) My self harm scars are awful and everywhere ? and I feel like a lazy mum who is never there because I'm always sick or sore ?
(3) My stomach is really bloody sore ? Anxiety is high
(10) My sister is getting her waters broke soon I'm so excited!! She will be a first time Mum ?? I'm looking forward my my daughter meeting her little baby ??
2(5) Hmm awake again ...... :/ I think this is my new sleeping pattern ..... yay
(4) I have no idea how I'm going to manage today ? I've woke up feeling so tired but I have to go pick up some meds, pick up a parcel, I need to food shop, and do washing... the house is a massive tip
(7) I just told my bf I won't shave any of my body until it's warmer ??? He didn't seem that pleased? ?
(5) Managed to do a food shop and clean the bedroom but my neck now really hurts :(
3(5) I know it's the same post every night and it's probably annoying but yeah .... 1.15am and I'm still not tired .... again .... insomnia won't budge yet ?
(2) Lonely ?
(2) I don't know why I'm still hear some days my life consists of pain, nausea, dizziness, fatigue, mental health issues, bowel issues... even bloody diet issues while I attempt at parenting and cleaning
(5) I've barely slept and I'm in pain yet an online friend is trying to push me go outside ?
(1) I shouldn't of bothered making friends ? fck this sh it
(2) Why do all the nice friends I have leave me eventually :(
(5) I may of fallen out with my only friend but I still managed to walk to the shop with my daughter, clear out the freezer and cook myself a healthy dinner despite my awful mood, pain and exhaustion
(0) I just bawled my eyes out which is a rarity .... I'm so heartbroken that my best friend said such a hurtful comment to me and now we have fallen out .... it hurts so damn much ?
4(5) Exhausted but got to try sleep
(4) Didn't want to get out of bed today :(
(0) I'm the bad guy as usual ? she doesn't want to be friends again or say sorry for being mean
(0) I've lost my best friend and the support group I was in on fb ??
(2) Had the worse day and just found out via text I need injections of vitB12 every 3 months forever with no reasoning on the text bar that's what my blood results said? I'm terrified of injections ??
5(1) There is a big empty emma shaped hole in my soul ?
(1) I am an autumn leaf that has dropped from its tree, Blowing through the cold winds I cry, Landing on the ground a shoe fast approaches, As I crumple beneath the weight 'I'll longer be in pain' i sigh
(3) Called the doctors they said I was SLIGHTLY deficient so that's why I need injections? But no notes on wether they thought I have fibro or cfs... I went in for reoccurring agonising pain ? fml
(0) Emotionally crippled for life
(0) I feel like I'm a horrible person that shouldn't have friends or my bf as I just hurt everyone close to me and it ends up painful for me and them
(0) When your life, memory's and body just have pain and the fact you exist causes people pain what even is the reason to keep living?
6(2) Woke up still feeling like shit but my daughter kind of showed she missed me today (as I've been in bed crying for 4 days) that was kind of nice
(4) Kind of sad that I have no friends in my life :(
7(4) Up awake because I'm overthinking and lonely ? fingers crossed I'll sleep soon
(3) My last few days I just pretend to be happy to not worry my bf he doesn't need to see me always crying ? plus I woke up with a migraine still ... it's been 3 days now ?
(4) No one would miss me if I was gone
(5) Been feeling a bit better today
8(5) I wonder how long it takes for things to feel the same again :/ ..... I'm glad I've got my friend back though
(5) What would you put in a ladies hamper for like pampering/cheering up after a big mental health episode?
(8) I think I went overboard buying gifts for the hamper/pamper box but I'm really hoping my best friend will like it! ???
9(3) Arg I feel really unwell and having weird burning sensation in my face ? will bad stuff just leave me alone !!
(5) Feel so rough! Got doctors appointment soon in hopes they can tell me what the Fck is going on!
(5) Ok so severely low in b12 receptionist lied ... but I will be starting injections every other day in a couple days ..... what hell
(3) When your life consists of wondering if your body is just trying to give up and die ?
(0) This severely low b12 is already hard but add in I can barely eat and drink and a migraine I feel so weak I can hardly sit up or walk this is literal hell ... I feel like I'm dying :(
10(2) I'm missing out on family times that's to all this pain/exhaustion/muscle weakness/nausea .... just awful depressing11(3) When your up 2.30am because your anxious over your first b12 injection tomorrow ? what if inreact to it?
(3) Health anxiety is hell ??
(4) Arg the injection wasn't so bad bar my anxiety is really rearing its head ?
(4) Got kicked out the b12 deficiency group I was in for having health anxiety ? how pleasant of them
12(5) Zombie nightmares :( they manifest from anxiety :(
(5) I'm so burnt out and I need more sleep yet I need to get up as I've got a mental health appointment to discuss further treatment in less then two hours ?
13(2) Bad nausea ???14(1) Pain :(
(3) I just want to feel well again I'm sick of this :(
15(6) Didn't do too bad today managed 3 meals with decent potassium levels and I was simply able to get out of bed ? not amazing but better then better plus I have new laxatives that might be better ?
(5) I'm so fed up ? my bf is such a lazy douche
(5) This low b12 thing isn't something to laugh at :/
16(4) I need to somehow break down the day so I can not get so stressed
(5) I've been so unproductive today and feel ugly ? but I still went food shopping
17(6) Feel quite ok this morning
(6) I'm tired but I'm out at play group with my daughter
(8) Actually eaten twice today already and not fallen asleep yet although I'll nap in a min as I'm shattered
(4) I don't feel wanted or needed ?
(5) I try my hardest but to what avail?
18(5) I'm so exhausted
(8) Sore and exhausted but at least my friend liked her pamper gift :)
(3) I feel like I'm my bfs patient or like a person he has to look after then his gf ?
19(1) Fcking wife of my brother needs a right beating ????20(7) I managed to bath this evening which was nice
(5)
(1) I feel ugly ?
21(3) I feel like giving up on my relationship all together
(3) I don't think I'll get out of bed all day
(5) Picking at food because I don't want to eat ?
22(5) Been such a stressful day!!! But sat eating fish rice and mushrooms and about to chill out watching a movie with the bf
23(3) So much anxiety ?
(6) Today wasn't too bad I guess
24(5) Just napped for 4 hours lol I need to sleep more at night ?
(8) I had fun playing in the autumn leaves with my daughter ?? it was so fun
25(5) Woke up with a migraine ?and my body is sore
(6) I have had a productive day :) and now chilling out with my bf with us both wearing face masks :)
26(5) I feel pretty good today with no migraine so been to the hairdressers Going to pick up my meds now and hopefully have energy to hoover or do some form of cleaning27(3) My bf woke me up and now I can't get back to sleep it's bloody 2am and I'm frustrated that I can't fall back to sleep because he was a moron
(3) Its nice to know I'm not appreciated
(1) ? I hate people telling me how to get my own daughter to sleep? not all kids are the same!!
(6) Had a nap and chilled out a bit and now eating pizza :)
(5) Just watched 'your lie in April' so sad but a good story line ?
28(4) Arg tried a b12 spray to help my b12 levels and now feel sick, hot and really tired29(5) Hoping today will be good
(2) I hate myself my body is ruining my relationship
30(5) Well I cried all day and I'm finally calmer at nearly 1am in the morning ? in for a long night probably
(7) I've been a good mum today I'm proud :)
(5) Arg I'm so sore!!
31(5) Arg it's cold and I'm exhausted barely any sleep so hoping for some more ?
(6) Happy All Hallows' eve everyone ?
November
MTWTFSS
  1(2) I feel awfully unwell ?
(4) Getting infrequent sharps pains near my belly button and I felt poorly enough today ?
2(4) Ibs sucks ?
(6) Very tender from bad ibs but I had a reasonable day I think
3(5) I wish I was still asleep ?
(5) Feel nauseous extremely exhausted and sore but I'm at least trying to do some organising/cooking or just something productive today
(5) I tried my best to make something of the day I may not of done much but even trying is a good thing
4(4) Woke up at 5am feeling quite nauseated ... which I guess is why I woke up ? I hate feeling sick ?
(5) What on earth is going on with my body?? My throat is sore and swallows now hurts to even swallow water
(6) It's been a pretty good day :)
5(8) I actually feel pretty today :)
(5) Ok bit of a mood killer as I just come on so feel horribly sick/dizzy/sore but not too bad I guess just wish my periods weren't as bad ??
(6) I roasted a chicken today to prep for several days of dinners and lunches as well as make homemade chicken stock which I know isn't much but it made me feel productive
6(8) Ah my daughter just tried to draw a cat and it's really good a full circle and one cat ear seems really good for her age ? explains why she has been practicing circles for weeks haha7(5) Why am I awake?? It's nearly 2am ?
(3) I dreamt about cheating on my bf I feel horribly guilty ?
(5) I hate migraines
(3) How do you know if your partner is still in love with you? Or just loves you?
(1) I want to SH so badly I'm just crying in the bathroom
8(1) I feel like point blank giving up. I consider the feelings of everyone else including my bf yet I could swear no one considers my feelings
(3) Migraines still here it's been 3 days now ? my mood is awfully low but feel slightly better after having a bath with my daughter
9(7) Actually got some intimacy off my bf ? too bad I've woke up with very sore legs today ?
(8) I had a really good day for a change despite my joints burning ? best bit was pretending a giant money teddy was attacking me in a shop to make my daughter laugh ???
10(4) Sore ?
(5) I'm pain and exhausted but I've done ok mood wise at least
11(3) I had the idea of going out today but woke up this morning feeling quite sick ?? I feel so shot about it ... plus I need to stay in bed all day which is boring ?
(5) I hate feeling poorly this sucks
12(5) Watching telly at 3am because I can't sleep is lame
(4) -sigh-
(2) I'm sick of being me, I feel like life just likes to take a dump on me. My mood is really low and I feel like my life will always be rubbish
13(5) God this morning I spent all of it crying and I had so many memories of the abuse I've suffered in life .... but some nice cuddles off my daughter and bf, shopping and a new onesie later I feel okish14(3) I'm sick of doctors15(5) I had nightmares all night :/ I hope I do this doctors letter ok16(3) Anxiety and sleeping issues don't mix17(6) Today went ok I think as the doctor kind of took notice and I got a good couple pictures of my daughter today ?
(3) Both me and Lillian seem quite sick ? god I hate viruses!! This is giving Lillian a horrible fever and might stop her meeting her new nephew Monday ?
18(5) I feel like my ear drums are on fire! Ear ache sucks :/19(1) This migraine is brutal ??
(4) Pain is less but I wish this virus would go away it's setting off such bad migraines I'm needing ice packs to help pain
(2) Struggling to keep anxiety as bay as I feel bare nauseated and I'm roasting and sweaty so probably have a fever.... but I also have a severe phobia of sick ?
20(5) Feel a little better now my fever is down
(5) No sleep for me ?
(1) Shivering with a sick bowl ?
(5) Slightly better again no idea how long this will stay ?
21(3) Fml I woke up hot and nauseous ?
(2) My eyes are burning from dryness
(1) My bf is a c**t like yeah sorry I'm so sick I'm stuck with a sick bowl in bed or in the loo shivering while everything I've eaten exits from my butt ... it's my fault I can't do a simple chore ? fml
22(5) It's 4.36am I feel like my body never wants sleep any more
(3) Feel poorly should of rested
23(5) Barely any sleep again ? but going to try start the day anyway
(1) My bf is an idiot and I swear I'm losing the will to even be around him?
24(2) Let out all my stress on my bf so I guess he can think about things ? my bills are stupidly high now... and I feel mega paranoid about how I talk to people thanks to a friends comment25(5) The chat with my bf seems to of worked well too bad I'm still waking so often at night so I'm still exhausted
(4) Great when you wake up at 1.30am and can't get back to sleep it's now 5.30
(5) GORD/GERD .... kindly F off please ? not been the kindest all day
26(5) Could of been a worse day but not too bad considering the problems today
(6) Insomnia is winning currently but having 3 1/2 hours of broken sleep by the time my alarm goes off won't ruin my day!!
(8) I think today has been really good bar that my nap today was ages but that's my body catching up on sleep I've missed for weeks ? had so much fun with my daughter today ???
27(6) Sister is coming over which is lovely .... if I can stay awake ? I'm completely shattered
(9) Having so much fun with family visiting I several wish I wasn't so exhausted though I feel like I could pass out
28(5) Medium day29(3) No sleep tonight :/ well like an hour but that's not enough ... plus a friend of min is in hospital by her own actions in critical but stable condition ... her husband is keeping me updated ?
(5) Nausea ?
30(5) I genuinely think life would be much less stressful and easier if men and women split chores evenly ? at least while women are sick
(5) Got some more sleep the usual last night even if it was broken :)
(2) Omg what is wrong with my bf?? Why am I the only one trying to keep on top of the household ? he didn't take our daughter to an appointment while I was too sick to take her ????? common sense!!
(2) Hormonal as f**k and it's making my mood really awful
December
MTWTFSS
    1(2) Nightmares all night .... i feel like my life is becoming hell stress and anxiety wise
(2) Been so slow all morning I want go in bed and cry all day but I also want my life sorted and to just be able to do stuff by myself ? I'm so overwhelmed
(1) I feel like I actually died and my life is some state of hell to live in as punishment for being the way I am atm everything feels way too much - bpd problems
2(1) I just wish the internal suffering would just go away
(2) What is it with my dad being in a lot of my nightmares? The ones without him in all revolve around me dying ... sometimes painfully
3(2) Blah
(3) Really sore from a migraine, not been looking after myself so I smell, wearing dirty clothes, not brushed my hair, continuously feel exhausted but I've been up since 3am (now 12.43pm) ????
(2) I don't know why I even bother carrying on
4(1) Honestly don't trust myself not to take all my meds so put them all in a noisy carrier bag and put them next to my bf so he will wake up hopefully if he feels me trying to get at them ?
(1) Faked a smile to go doctors to make sure my b12 jab is being done today from the confusing texts they sent ? I have to fake it loads today fml
5(3) Slightly better for now as I've actually got up with Lillian and ate breakfast
(1) Slightly feeling better feeling is now extremely strained and my mood is dropping because two of my friends talked to me about wanting to end their lives and then they stopped talking ?
6(4) Doing kind of reasonable today
(5) I think I've done pretty good today considering how rough I feel, I managed some self care (bath etc) and my bf said he was impressed with me still getting up every morning in the state I've been in?
7(1) I feel really poorly and it's setting off health anxiety ?
(2) Feeling poorly is one of the worst feelings :( mostly because it scares me and I have to spend half the time trying to convince myself I'm not dying ?
(5) Only plus side to today is my daughter finally said mummy next to me ... she usually only says it when I'm not in the room to her dad ?
8(4)
(5) Finally get a chance to sleep but my neighbours are having loud construction or something ???????????????
(6) Been unwell all day still but to be honest the day hasn't been too bad almost pleasant :)
9(5) Woke up nauseous and horribly bloated and I still have virus symptoms ????? I must of eaten something I shouldn't yesterday I hate feeling nauseous it's the worst. I hope this feeling passes soon
(3) Anxiety level is high ... I'm trying to calm down so I can finally nap but I'm failing and my body is dizzy and I'm pain from exhaustion
10(5) Slept same amount but woke up with a banging headache :/
(6) Been a decent day plus yay it snowed ?
(2) Good mood gone trying to not be sick from extreme nausea and it's awful
11(5) So damn cold ?
(2) Pain and nausea please just fck off ?
12(1) Thinking of some dark thoughts because I'm in so much pain I feel like I'm in hell ... my bf is going to have to call the dentist for me I think13(5) Exhausted ?14(4) I hate it when bad memories pop up
(10) I'm so proud of my daughter right now she drew a very clear fish and even an eye in the right place!!! She only turned 2 this September
(1) Phobia of sick is the worst
15(3) I'm sick to death of feeling sick16(2) Whirlwind of a day17(5) Feel more reasonable today ?
18No Reasons19No Reasons20No Reasons21No Reasons22No Reasons23No Reasons24No Reasons
25No Reasons26No Reasons27No Reasons28No Reasons29No Reasons30No Reasons31No Reasons