5.1 avg
  553 days
  3577 hugs
  73 followers
January
MTWTFSS
 1(6) Took tablets after too much cake. Two day's worth of refined sugar in one hit. Doing press ups (push ups to NA) to try and use it up before it turns to fat. Probably OTT reaction but I feel like it.2(4) Went for a run. Hit a metaphorical brick wall after 8 minutes. Then dogs surrounded me barking. I am phobic of dogs. Had to go home. Didn't feel good. A bit better now. Took tablets.3(5) Put away Xmas tree down. Took tablets.4(3) (Backdated) Just feeling shit. Took tablets.5(7) (Backdated) Had a really good run. Really tried to slow myself down at the start and managed a great time for a distance I was pleased with too. Foam roller before and after helped too. Took tablets.6(6) Nice walk. Lots of food. Easy Sunday. Took tablets.
7(3) Irritable. Procrastinating. Anxious. Today, please end soon, please. Busy day tomorrow but I bet it'll be better. Took tablets.8(6) Busier day was better than the boring day yesterday. I've been rubbish at doing my strength exercises and stretches. I thought my good run on Saturday would've inspired me, but meh. Taken tablets.9(6) Opened bank account and ran 6.4km in 31 minutes 23 seconds. Which would be slower than usual on my normal route, but this needed proper pacing to cope with the hills. Took tablets.10(5) Nice walk. Taken tablets.11(5) Busy day. It was ok but I'm very tired. Taken tablets.12(5) (I'll post this again and hopefully it'll work this time - backdated) Relaxing day. Happy to do not much after a busy Friday. Need to get back into regular stretching/workout. Took tablets.13(6) Good strength workout this morning. Felt I made up for yesterday's 'run'. Went food shopping. Watched the snooker on TV. Got distracted. Made a little progress with some music. Took tablets.
14No Reasons15(7) The cute physio woman told me 'take off your shorts... I meant shoes...' !!! Still got it! ? Making progress on some music. Left panned guitar, bass, whistle, and eq/mix still to do. Taken tablets16(5) (backdated) Had to cut short my run in the rain due to holes in my pockets. Made up with it with some strengthening instead. Mum survived having a camera put in her heart and is ok. Took tablets.17(5) Nice walk. Feeling crabby. Took tablets.18(3) (Backdated) I was super irritable so took a diazepam. Went to town, finished off the banking stuff and went to volunteering. Walked 5 miles back to the flat from town but my hip hurt. Took tablets.19(4) Still irritable but less so. Giving myself some time out. Although I'm not happy about it. Unexpected blast from the past phone call this morning from a drunk Welshman. Taken tablets.20(5) People are simple machines. We follow patterns and have automatic responses. It's useful to bear this in mind when dealing with life's more complicated aspects... Now if I could get some more sleep...
(6) Felt positive today despite discomfort in hip. I've got a well timed appointment tomorrow with the running specialist, hoping to hear reassurance! Felt like I helped my friend H today. Took tablets.
21(8) Talked to a lovely panda on the phone! ?22(5) At the end of counselling I was scared when my counsellor seemed to get excited at the prospect of me talking about my memories and fears. He had seemed bored up until then... git! Taken tablets.23(6) Hip definitely hurting even after a shorter run. I'm not bothered too much. I've caught the running bug enough to run through the discomfort. Otherwise mood is good. Taken tablets.24(6) Nice walk today but more hip pain by the end of it. I don't mind because being outside in the hills is better for me than staying at home in a blanket with a hot drink and paracetamol. Taken tablets.25(5) Anyone got recommendations of songs about school? Here's my playlist so far: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL5kAHPpB28wwjnJfZNofzGivunoPFyiX826(6) Determined to give myself a 6 for enjoying my day despite not running as I'd planned (or at all). Well I say enjoy... I survived it... which is hopefully a positive thing, nonetheless. Taken tablets.27(5) Two lazy days in a row. Tired. Taken tablets.
28(6) I got 6 months of eurosport for £0.01 a month. Been watching winter sport. Glad I got out and ran. Took tablets.29(5) (Backdated) Had a nice chat online. Took tablets.30(6) Found a source of free trees for my crazy tree planting scheme. Happy about that. Did my run, slipping and sliding, had to cut it short and run down towards a warmer area because of ice. Took tablets.31(5) Slacking with strengthening exercises. Mood ok. Taken Tablets.
February
MTWTFSS
    1(5) Apple shop couldn't help with my laptop so I've gone all in DIY with an iFixit repair set. Wish me luck. I'm going to need it! (Probably something that'll keep putting off.) Took tablets.2(5) Didn't run due to snow. Was going to go to my parents' to use the exercise bike, didn't. Lazy day. Feel ok, but feel more tired than I would've had I exercised I expect. Taken tablets.3(6) First meal in a while where I've made an effort. It pays off. I can only cook one thing well, but I can cook it very well. Wrote some words. https://johntownshend.com/wordpress/shy/ Taken tablets.
4(5) Taken tablets.5(5) 5.5. Getting tired. Was full of energy most of the day. Talking about self awareness and thinking before speaking today at counselling. Taken tablets.6(7) Didn't run. I did a painting instead. It was a lot of fun! Taken tablets.7(6) Busy day tomorrow and busy weekend coming up. Got collection by courier tomorrow. Volunteering. Delivery of 1000+ library newsletters. Macbook battery repair. And all the usual housework. Taken tabs.8(6) Taken tablets.9(5) Long day delivering newsletters. Took 3 hours+ and I've still got some left over. Had a big meal. Now evening playing Santa Search memory pairs game with my niece. Taken tablets.10(5) Thinking about the future. I hope I never get mixed up between a actual memory and a figment of my imagination again. It was a living nightmare which made life a lot more difficult. Taken tablets.
11(6) Upset I haven't run (AGAIN!). But... I have successfully replaced the battery that was glued to the case of my Macbook by taking every conceivable component apart back together. 4 and half hours.12(5) Wobbly start to the day. Didn't run (again!), but will run tomorrow (hooray!). Went to local history society meeting and counselling. Made flapjacks (oat tray bake - NOT THICK PANCAKES). Taken tablets13(6) Good run this morning. Pleased with progress. Hip a little bit twingy a few hours later but just a sign I need to restart the stretching and strengthening. Walk tomorrow, don't know where. Taken tabs.14(5) Derry Girls is a great comedy. Taken tablets.15(5) (Backdated) Rested most of the day. Volunteering in the evening. Been sunny for a while. It's nice to get outside. Taken tablets.16(6) Enjoyed a walk in the hills with my Dad. Bought him a pint and the football went well. Taken tablets. This website/app is so buggy. I posted 4 replies and a hug to a panda. None of them sent *#@! this17(4) Just eaten but starting to feel sick. Taken tablets.
18(4) Taken tablets. False alarm with the sickness feeling yesterday. I'm feeling under the weather nontheless.19(5) (Backdated) Felt good that I felt well enough to stop counselling after the 6 weeks review. Also felt sad that I have little less safety net. Took tablets.20(5) Woke up feeling tired. Had a nice run, felt good but took it easy. Spent the rest of the day doing nothing. Tried to do some music but wasn't in the mood. Taken tablets.21(5) Taken tablets.22(6) Nice day digging an allotment in the sun. Taken tablets.23(5) Taken tablets.24(6) Nice day but it's gone quick and I'm tired. Taken tablets.
25(5) (backdated) yeah I can't remember but around 4.5... Took tablets.26(6) (backdated) I think I did 2 paintings... I can't remember but around 5.5... Took tablets.27(4) (backdated) I remember running up a big hill but around 4.5... Took tablets.28(4) (backdated) I went on a walk over the moors and saw two wild deer on the hilltop, I didn't have my proper camera. Also got a blister threatening race on Saturday. Took tablets.
March
MTWTFSS
    1(4) Now is the night before the race. I'm more concerned with being around lots of people than I am achieving my goal time. Ate pasta just now. Gotta wake up early tomorrow and eat. Took tablets.2(10) Massive 5k PB on a difficult course. 23 minutes 28 seconds! Elation!3(6) Relaxing day. Chatted a bit to my two fav pandas. Lots to think about and nothing to think about. Did some writing about breaking the cycle of regret https://johntownshend.com/wordpress Taken tablets
4(3) Today can end soon please. I have been mean to a friend and achieved very little. Maybe an effect of feeling smug about recent achievements and improvement. Maybe just a blip. I don't know. Taken tabs5(5) Took a diazepam last night. It made today easy. Although I didn't do much, I felt ok. I'll go for a run tomorrow. Very tired. Taken tablets.6(6) Very short sharp run today. Played some games this morning. Done a little music, a start... Planning to go to the lane and buy some tickets for the last two home matches of the season. Taken tablets.7(5) (Backdated) I like the advert for Guinness Clear. I hate adverts but I like that one. Took tablets.8(6) #HappyInternationalWomensDay https://www.gofundme.com/whensinternationalmensday2019 Taken tablets.9(3) Today can also fuck off. The cat had switched off my fridge freezer and I had to throw all the food away. Also I left 6 lengthy heart felt messages for fellow pandas and none of them worked. Took tabs10(6) Despite doing nothing apart from shopping to restock the fridge, I have done nothing and am feeling good about it. Taken tablets.
11(6) Snook in a run inbetween storm Freya - Snow - and tomorrow's storm Gareth. I felt lacking in energy but glad I got out there. Sent out messages to old friends and got some nice replies. Took tablets.12(5) Note to self: John, put down your phone. Taken tablets.13(5) Brain is being busy. It's not lagging like a slow computer. When it's busy it creates more room so everything is lot more intense and complicated. Shush... Music, candlelight, feet up. Taken tablets.14(5) I'm at my winding down point of the evening but there's so much to do: I need to start my hip exercises and stretches again. Catch up on clothes washing and cat litter. Shower - I stink. Taken tablets15(2) Sending solidarity and hope to all NZ pandas. Especially anyone affected. Thinking of the victims and their families. I'm reading it's a right wing terrorist to blame, these people must be stopped.
(6) https://youtu.be/QSHOmJp5hHg Lots of frogspawn already, the fish won't go hungry. Taken tablets.
16(4) A good result in the football but I've been tired and irritable all day. Taken tablets.17(3) (backdated) I was feeling miserable. Lots of negative thoughts. Took tablets.
18(5) Feel ok. Did a run. Not fast but got me back into it. Sad to read about more terror attacks, this time in the Netherlands. Taken tablets.19(5) (backdated) a tough day, felt irritable, got better towards the evening. Took tablets.20(3) (backdated) Beautiful weather. My city was the hottest place in the country. Forgot morning tablets. Nightmare run. Felt embarrassed and upset by my lack of performance. V Irritable. Took evening tabs21(7) Pleased with my photographs I got when I encountered wild deer twice(!) today on Totley Moor and Big Moor. https://flic.kr/s/aHsmwM1hQq taken tablets.22(3) Miserable, lazy, chocolate. Taken tablets.23(4) 4.5 Watched The Imitation Game. Sad film. Worth watching though. No run today but worked out instead (I should be doing both but I'm not well enough to care). Taken tablets.24(5) So tired but feeling ok. Day out in the sun digging the ground ready for potatoes. Evening with some of my favourite music. Could collapse. Bad sleep for some time but early start tomorrow. Took tabs.
25(6) Run wasn't great but I went and did it. I'm glad to have people to talk to. I'm still find socialising difficult, even online, but so do a lot of people right? I know it's worth it really. Taken tabs.26(6) Felt uncomfortable chatting and joking at volunteering but talked myself around. Bought a wooden cat sculpture and some cassette tapes. The real cat has just turned off my laptop... Taken tablets.27(5) (backdated) It was only yesterday but I can't remember much about it so... 5? Took tablets (and a diazepam in the middle of the night)28(6) Had a nice walk and tram rides. Walked to and around a reservoir, saw a heron up close but didn't have camera. Irritable this morning but good weather helped. A bit floaty from benzos. Took tablets.29No Reasons30(5) Rollercoaster of emotions at football today. Great atmosphere, but poor performance and wrong result. Disappointed and upset. Secretly pleased with how I coped around 30,000 other people. Took tabs.31(4) (Backdated) Spent time with my Mum on Mother's Day (UK and Ireland - don't worry elsewhere you haven't missed it). Wanted to do other stuff but did the right thing. Felt like a lazy option. Took tabs.
April
MTWTFSS
1(5) Went to the shop twice. That's about it. Taken tablets.2(3) Feeling completely apathetic. Lacking in motivation. Finding a little bit of inspiration from listening to an episode of Falling Forward podcast with one of favourites: Chipzel! Taken tablets.3(5) Another lazy day but met friendly people doing a litter pick this morning. It felt nice to be involved and to help. Had ultra spicy stir fry not long ago, my mouth is still burning. Taken tablets.4(6) Not looking forward to tomorrow but I'm feeling good today. Taken tablets.5(5) Got in some help and made a start on backlog of washing and tidying. Feeling better. Mood declined quickly after posting yesterday evening. Going to make sure I do nice things tonight. Taken tablets.6(5) Enjoyed my run despite getting cuts on my toes due to slack toe nail care. Going to try and do some leg and hip exercises this evening... Already feeling lazy and procrastinating. Taken tablets.7(5) I don't have much confidence in the things I say. I go over and over things that have just happened. Even if it's just small talk or inconsequential, it always seems a big deal. It's not. Taken tabs.
8No Reasons9(5) A big milestone birthday for my Mum. Had a nice day and short walk. Met a new support worker, seemed nice. Got threatened by some kids acting hard. It's sad they've got nothing better to do. Took tabs10(7) The photograph of a black hole makes me think how lucky we are by chance to be part of existence. Everything is special, magical, and so impossibility weird. Nothing we strive for ultimately matters.11No Reasons12(5) I've successfully avoiding doing exercises, stretching, and running for almost a week. I've been busy. Next run not til Wednesday? I don't feel guilty at all and that disappoints me. Taken tablets.13(5) That feeling when you copy and paste the same messages to your three best friends because you are in desperate need of some attention. That feeling is now. Who'd had thought? Taken tablets.14(7) https://johntownshend.bandcamp.com/album/provisional-3-2 Very proud of this album I made over the last year and a bit. Name your price download - feel free to pay nothing. Not taken tablets yet.
15(6) Had a nice meal with a friend I'd not seen for a while. Got the cat to the vets for his booster vaccine. Gave a drawing I'd done to my support worker and he was genuinely overjoyed. Taken tablets.16(5) Another nice day, another day without significant exercise, starting to get slightly more concerned about whether I will be able to run satisfactorily tomorrow. I'll definitely try. Taken tablets.17(5) (Backdated) Realised I'd missed a dentist appointment. Wondered why it had mysteriously disappeared from my calendar. It was yesterday. Did a run it was ok until I got chased by a dog. Took tablets.18(4) Limited contact with the outside world because I am feeling sick of being incapable of so many basic things. Wallowing in self pity. Tomorrow should be different but it can't come quickly enough.19(7) A sleepless night. Entire playthroughs of Trout Mask Replica and Rock Island taken with two pots of strongly mashed tea. All is more or less well again.20No Reasons21No Reasons
22No Reasons23No Reasons24No Reasons25No Reasons26No Reasons27No Reasons28No Reasons
29No Reasons30No Reasons