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  383 days
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January
MTWTFSS
 1(6) Spent New Years on a phone call with my friends and then slept2(3) I'm really unsure. Not of anything in specific but I'm identifying myself going 'down' which is good because it means I have more chance of stopping it from happening. Unfortunately, I don't know the3(3) 3:08am. Bad. Bad. Bad. More lines. Why. Dont know. Had 'conversation' with mother, she told me to pi55 off in the end. I don't know what happened. Lost the plot.
(5) I've found an album recording of the 1960s production of Jeeves and Wooster. Rather good to be honest.
(3) Cried on the phone to my mother. She's at home by I can't stand to see her at the moment. But I have to otherwise nothing's get solved.
4(4) Decent time at Youth club. Glad for the distraction for the short period. Now I'm back with my thoughts, heevs chrisy5(6) Finally got round to watching Wilde and I cannot express at how beautifully made this was and that they could not of chosen better casting. Stephen Fry and Jude Law were phenomenal!6(5) Ask friend for tips on eating healthily because I'm too thin for my high waisted jeans that used to be too tight.
(5) Reading along to Mythos with the audiobook playing also. Decided I want to read but advance in the audiobook. Let's do it simultaneously.
(2)
7(3) Need to get my sleeping into check, I have to leave for school at 11:30am. And I've only just woken up after sleeping at 4am
(5) In taxi on way to school, not bad. Extremely quicker than a bus. We're already halfway there after four minutes.
8(5) Woke up 30mins before my alarm. Slowly getting back to a hewlthy routine.
(4) Different taxi driver. Headache. School made sure he knew where and to I was going to confirm it was a substitute. If we veer from home I'm bailing out the doors saftey first lads.
(3) Someone I cut out of my life can't grasp the concept I cut them it of my life. Gets all annoyed when I told them to leave me alone. Explained why I did it. Waiting reaponse.
9(2) Got CAMHS today, an emergency appointment and my mother is there. That's when you know you're truly smegged.
(3) In class, not looking forward to thing whole CAMHS thing.
(4) CAMHS worker is concerned for my well-being and mental health. Extremely concerned for the switches between angry and impulsive to somewhat neutral and a bit manic in my talking.
(4) I'm not one to really enjoy fast food, except the occasional Chinese but I'm craving a McDonald's and ugh I know as soon as I eat it, it'll just leave my body a few hours later. I just want McDonald's
10(4) Just confided in three of my teachers about yesterday.11(5) Waiting for Mr. Taxi man.
(3) Myself and a classmate had a moment in science. I left the class first and then she did, we both went warm and that makes us both feel crap. It was almost synced.
12(5) A fairly neutral day today, despite the moment in science and the row with my sister. Just doing some writing before I go to sleep, I wonder if I can lucid dream. Work tomorrow, can't wait.
(5) My twitter drafts are something else 'If a short person waves at you it's called a 'micro wave'.'
(3) Trying to control my anger with my niece pestering me about playing sims 24/7 is proving to be difficult
(6) Stood my ground and she's gone home crying.
13(3) Sick of my mood changing what seems every five minutes. Anger currently. Locked myself away for the day.
(5) Have my English Language Mock tomorrow, I hope I can associate the creative writing tasks with one of my interests. Otherwise I'm screwed.
14(4) 2:22am, no motivation to sleep, move or even get up. Had a high earlier, can I have another during the exam please. Mind you I'd probably get kicked out. CAMHS worker is getting another list on Tues
(4) Anxiety attack over my English mock I have today.
(5) Maybe if I convince myself I don't care about my exams I'll be alright.
(5) Had a sing song now I'm doing a lot better, bring on the day I hope it's good and I stay level within' my moods.
(7) I'm on a high not nervous but feel a bit off.
(7) English mock over, was on a high throughout the whole of it. Bloody Brillaint.
(4) Stopped revising, my back and ribcage hurt from sitting in one position taking notes and going over them.
15(5) I think getting the first major exam or of the way is the important thing. For me anyway, I'm oddly relaxed and know what to expect even though the exams are different each day ????? 5 bc neutral.
(5) Science mock went well, got 25mins of project left then therapy and then CAMHS.
16(4) Got a PIP assessment, allowed to skip school until my exam
(2) Left 24 out of 31 questions blank on my mock maths exam. Went outside on a phonecall to my mother and cried.
17(5) Just been told to log into MoodPanda, got washed with anxiety when it didn't log in the first time. Thankfully it logged in. I would not deal with loosing all my data.
(5) My aunts had a car crash
(3) Result of refusing work is building a dinosaur and colouring.
(3) Feel like I'm going to pass out and won't be home in less than five minutes (I'm going to my youth club but I don't want to because I feel this way.)
18(3) Been going to bed feeling ill for the past week, the day I feel okay in the evening I have the worst back ache I've ever had keeping me awake.
(3) Anxiety attack. I wish for it all to stop this isnt fair.
(3) Had day off from school, pains and aches left me feeling absolutely awful. Carried on throughout the day have only now died down.
19(5) Small ache in my theoratic spine, and dull ache toward the bottom. However it's nothing I haven't dealt with before and i have appointment on 6th Feb to get things sorted.
(5) Gotten another hamster, not sure what I'm going to call him
20No Reasons
21(5) I've currently got an urge to eat toast, toast is my new thing and I could binge on it if I had lost self control. I'm not sure why but this is extremely odd.22(4) Had a moment in maths, kept overheating and had to leave twice. I just said forget it in the end and stayed outside only returning inside to get my things to go home.23(4) Need to up my education game and excel on everything I'm failing on. Maths to begin with, also down to the watchers to teach me instead of constantly switching teachers every 30 seconds.
(5) So many things to fix, I need to fix my diet (so I healthily gain weight I'm a stick and it's taking its toll) my grades. Thankfully I have the doctors on Feb 6th do my diet I should be able to get he
24(2) Refused to look around a college because it's quite far and it requires going on the bus :))) I'm not ready to grow up and have no idea what I want to do again.25(6) Listening to Mythos before school, almost finished it and it's sad I've almost finished it. Oh well, I need Heroes now I can't wait.
(10) MY MOCKS ARE OFFICIALLY OVER SOMEONE PASS ME THE PARTY HOOTERS
26No Reasons27(6) Back on the audiobooks, oh how I've missed the Greek myths. I've finished Mythos and I'm now on Stephen's second book, Heroes.
(3) Can you block people in real life? I need a block button on my sister.
28(5) I've got a slight reaction to peanuts after consuming about 3, and then I'm lactose intolerant: I am craving Peanut M&M's and Cheesecake. Both of which I cannot have, dear god help me ??
(5) Got my predicted grades back today, can someone please tell me what a TLM IT distinction is?...I don't see my IT teacher until Tuesday. Otherwise my grades seem okay.
29(4) Listening to Heroes whilst I work on my drawing of Stephen Fry. Got CAMHS tomorrow again and need to talk about all my built up anger..Drawing is going good though, I'm happy with it so far.
(2) CAMHS was 'fun' I broke down toward the end when she spoke 'So when should I see you again' been feeling low, frustrated, angry and full of resentment...
30No Reasons31(5) So cold. Youth club tonight :)
(5) Youth club tonight. Felt ill at school, I'm alright now.
February
MTWTFSS
    1(4) Debating to continue on with English when I go to college. After being 5 marks away from an A it gives me hope I can peruse English if all goes wrong.2(6) Work today, wishing for it go well and maybe befriend the pup called Monty.3(5) All set for works 1st open anniversary! Now I just need to sleep and probably wash my hair it's a disgrace ?
(7) Work was wonderful! The pugs visited with a new one called pixie! I got to snuggle with her a few times.
4(4) Feel ill, which I could really do without. Have an upset stomach and will be needing to catch the bus on Tuesday to school. Yay, change, bloody brilliant.
(5) Watching Last Chance to see and sketching some of the animals they encounter, so far have a manatee and a southern white rhino. The rhino went well considering I've never drawn one ever before.
(4) Was itiching like mad earlier, just had a bath and then walked into a door handle and cut myself open on said door handle. Doorframes and handles have it in for me this year.
5(1) No.
(3) I feel like cutting all the people I know offline off and then starting again..I often have this urge I just don't act on it. Maybe if I did I'd feel better.
(2) Feel like leaving. May go on a walk. Not sure where to or how long. I just want to go.
(3) Anxiety messing up after my body rejected the food. Seriously need to discuss my diet with the doctor tomorrow...got a meeting at school on Thursday.
6(5) Taking advantage of my father being off work so I actually go to school for today.
(4) Walked home from school, covered two and so miles in thirty minutes, plan to walk further than the hospital tomorrow and finally all the way home or so eventually.
7(5) Any good tips or apps for food diary keeping? Getting ahead of the game before I have to go back to the doctors.
(5) It's pouring it down..this'll be fun to walk back in if it's still raining. Not quite figured out how I'm getting there yet.
8(7) Not sure if I posted yesterday? Should be good tomorrow I have people coming over to hit them with frying pans. We're going full bottom.9(8) Got friends over10(5) I really want to finish my Stephen Fry drawing but then I'm too involved with this fanfiction I'm reading, it's so good I can see myself procrastinating everything just to finish it.
11(6) Better week this week it seems. May be Monday but it's good and I apologise for lack of updates.
(4) Oh and I cried at the fanfiction I'm still reading. Death hits hard when it's fictional. Real like however I don't seem to be too fussed bizarrely.
12(4) At CAMHS, not looking forward to school after but I need to go see my therapy dog.
(6) CAMHS was alright, spoke about my father and emotional well-being and my coping with anxiety which has replaced itself with numbness. Will be discharged soon.
13No Reasons14(5) One more day and then I break up for school.
(5) Happy V.Day pandas ?
15(4) Bussing it to hospital to meet teacher who will proceed to take me to school. Last day today thankfully16(4) Need someone to cuddle and talk to. Remembered why I stuck the group on mute and wanted to cut them out of my life :)))
(4) Going to need to find something to do that releases energy because I can feel the adrenaline worse before I sleep. Help anyone?
17No Reasons
18(3) Cut someone off, which means accidentally cutting the rest of umbrolley off because they were my main source of getting to umbrolley.
(3) Hello anxiety my old enemy, the tremors and feeling ill was not something I was looking forward to returning.
(5) I've found that laying in my mothers bed when feeling horrible actually helps somewhat. It's close to the ground, smell like my mother and generally makes me feel better.
(6) Stephen Fry Reading in a soft voice on the app Calm will always calm me and put me to sleep. He could be talking about paint drying and I would listen. His voice is jsut so calming.
19No Reasons20(5)
(6) I finished my Stephen Fry drawing, I've started a script for a video and I'm seeing Lola the bulldog tomorrow. I've completed some things which have made me feel better. I just have to tidy my room.
21(7) I've cut photos out photos Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie's face and suck their faces onto our family photos...Just waiting to see how long it'll take for my mother to find everyone.22(6) Extending my visit to Lola to an hour and a half because she is a bit off it all :(
(6) Lola is very fed up with this pregnancy!
23(5) Tired, should sleep. I have work tomorrow.
(3) I'm emotionally distressed about a dog that's not even mine, but I have a bond and emotional connection to. Lola the dog. I can only hope to god nothing goes downhill.
24(3) I could cry, my bath ran freezing cold because someone horned the hot water off ?
25(6) I had a shower instead and got hyped because I'm going to town tomorrow to meet a friend and go clothes shopping with my sister.
(6) Got two Jeeves books, a new short sleeved button up, a T-shirt and a Beatles notepad! Can't wait to read my Jeeves books.
(5) Reading Jeeves and the King of Clubs. Proving to be good so far, obviously it's not as good as Wodehouse but is still good.
26(5) Science, double project, therapy dog and then town with my friend.
(6) Lola has her puppies today, I was called over and asked if I could help with feeding.
27No Reasons28(4) Unfortunately three pups have passed and anothe isn't looking too great. We prepared ourselves for death as it was a litter of thirteen inside a tiny dog.
March
MTWTFSS
    1(5)
(2) Dear school, give me one grade instead of three different grades for my English mock exam prediction. Thank you. I've taken my mocks so it shouldn't be hard.
2(7) Got Molly and Maisy, two dogs from work over today :D Just been to puppy play and now they're back home with me having a nap before the walk home.3(6) Seeing the pups everyday to help my manager out...can't wait. I better start stopping cutting the caffeine out my life..I'll be needing it to keep awake and up with these pups.
4(5) I really want to do something out of clay but what?5(3) CAMHS
(2) Three meltdowns, I'm wide awake but tired, unfortunately infection spread through he litter and more than half the litter have passed, we're down to six now. Had CAMHS this morning (MD 1) and today
6(4) Although I've had limited sleep I'm not tired.
(5) Visited the pups this morning, all is okay for the moment. Not tired or hungry and forgot my granola snack, I will probably eat us out of house and home when I get home.
7(8) Had a cuddle with the pups that are okay for the moment, Lola is eating better today which is good news and I could just fall asleep next to them they're all so warm. ????????8(6) Decent day at school, can't wait for tomorrow going to look at cats :D9(4) 10(4) Having that fizzy drink and a few haribo at night was a really bad idea..I remember now why I stopped drinking fizzy drinks and cut most sugars out. Yay for the tremors from it :))
(4) On an upside I did finish cleaning my room none stop just got to hoover it tomorrow and then have a bath myself
(5) Tripped yesterday and did my arm in, we think i may of torn something or damaged the soft tissue around my shoulder joint. Dull ache constantly and hurts when I move so, always fun.
11(6) Arms a little better today, got ibuprofen gel and with the pups.12No Reasons13(6) With the pups every morning this week except Sat and Sun. they're two weeks old and are now hugeeeee14(3) I don't know
(4) Had an anxiety attack during English, managed to catch the early signs of it and teacher just put her watch on me so I didn't have to manually count my heart beat. It was high. Before English I had
15(4) Had a P.I.P assessor in, they came for an hour and a half for more information. The other guy was here 15mins and didn't ask the questions she did. No wonder people don't get it no matter how disabled
(6) Does it feel like 2am for anyone else or is that just me? I'm usually asleep by now, 10:20pm, since I've changed my sleeping patten. Oh well I'll finish this chapter and then sleep. Night all ??
16No Reasons17(4) Feeling ill and have a headache in three places :))
18(3) Could do with the whole day off but I've got school and I feel incredibly ill.19(5) Half and half. Not feeling too bad not feeling too bad.
(6) Spray painted the school's shutters today, saw my therapy dog and now with the puppies.
20No Reasons21(5) On my way to look around a college feeling alright.22No Reasons23No Reasons24No Reasons
25No Reasons26No Reasons27No Reasons28No Reasons29No Reasons30No Reasons31No Reasons