4.2 avg
  98 days
  375 hugs
  13 followers
January
MTWTFSS
1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter31To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
February
MTWTFSS
   1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
March
MTWTFSS
   1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter31To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
April
MTWTFSS
      1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
May
MTWTFSS
 1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter18To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter19To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter20To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
21To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter22To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter23To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter24To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter25To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter26To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter27To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
28To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter29To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter30To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter31To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
June
MTWTFSS
    1To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter2To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
11To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter12(4) 13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter16To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter17To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
18(2) 19(3)
(2) Deeply entrenched in my paranoia and angry feelings - it's half past 11 at night and I need to get up at 7, as usual. Not sure why I haven't fallen asleep yet - it's hot.
20(4) Didn't get as much work done as I wanted to today, so I'm going to have to do a ridiculous amount of maths work tomorrow. Along with a biology exam. At least I feel better than yesterday, though.21(3) Definitely failed that bio exam - and probably won't do well in the maths one tomorrow, considering I won't be able to finish the work for it today.22(5) The maths exam didn't go as badly as I was expecting - it was by no means good, but I've decided to take this evening off and let my mind recover.
(6) Managed to relax for a bit - that, and my... s/o feels a little strong honestly - but they were being really cute, which lifted my mood a bit.
23(3) My mood flip-flops frighteningly easily - I feel powerless and completely out of control.24(5) Just about walking the line between being ok and feeling empty - took the weekend off to let my mind pause for a bit.
25(5) Art exam starts in 30 minutes - I feel afraid, which I usually don't when it comes to these kinds of exams. Also feeling a little unwell, along with not having slept well last night.
(3) I get nervous ticks when I'm stressed or anxious - newest one is jaw clenching/shifting, which hurts a fair amount after a while.
26(0) I'm so tired of living27(0) Can't seem to sleep unless I have a heavy cry beforehand - I want to want to live.28(0) 29(2) A bit better - able to bat away the suicidal thoughts for the most part, and my jaw is clenching less often.30(6) Tentatively calling this day good, as of 6pm, at least.
July
MTWTFSS
      1(2) Woke up to news that one of my best friends may have tried to kill herself - nothing is certain yet, but I'm shaking a lot.
(6) Worried about my grades, but otherwise feeling fine - I'm proud of myself for managing to keep a more or less stable mood for 2 days.
2(6) Had a good day - have tomorrow off so I can get on with some work. Listened to some good music too - this has been a lovely change.3To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter4(5) I can feel this happy period leaving, but it's giving way to a simple 'ok' feeling, so it's not too bad.5(4)
(5) Struggling to eat without gagging/wanting to vomit - it's worrying me because I've been feeling quite frail recently.
6(7) Despite my difficulty eating, I've been having a really decent week in terms of mental health - visited Cambridge today and later spoke a bit with someone I really love, so overall, today was great.7To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter8(5) Getting hit pretty bad by stress - I feel paralysed, and can't get any work done.
9(4) Have an exam in two days which I'm definitely going to fail - trying not to think about it.10To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter11(4) Did some excercise but quickly got discouraged by my spine - it's awful for any kind of ab workout and I find myself hating it more and more lately.12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter13To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter14(4) Going to do some TKD again after a while - I missed it. Also thinking about someone I'd like to remove from my life, but not wanting to start any drama, since that's her whole thing anyway.
(3) Spiralling again - it was nice while it lasted, I guess.
15To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
16(3) Annoyed at someone - you can't keep asking/pressing for compliments and praise without being willing to offer it to others as well.17(1) Well, I may have just agreed to meet up with someone I absolutely don't want to see in two or three days because I can't say no to save my life. That, and it is 1am and I can't sleep.
(0) I want to die
18(4) Went for a walk and visited some fun places to keep my mind distracted - hopefully also booking a GP appointment later because I need to get help. Just have to get through this evening now.19(5) Feeling strangely stable today - looking forward to tomorrow (doing some excercise with friends and finally getting to see the GP). Also have a show I like ready to go, so I'll go enjoy that now.20(6) Had my GP appointment today - aside from issues with impostor syndrome, today has been fairly decent.21(5) Lots of ups and downs today, but I excercised and drew to stay distracted. Ready to do some (maths) work tomorrow.22(5) Spent most of the day drawing and listening to MBMBaM, but I got hit by sudden appointment anxiety just now.
23(4) Can't sleep (it's 6am) because I'm so nervous about the appointment - going to play some puzzle games or something to distract myself.
(6) Winding down with some maths - had a nice conversation with someone I'm very fond of, so my mood isn't too bad at the moment.
24(3) Been anxious all day25(4) A little better, but still struggling to eat - I'm going to try to book an assessment at one of the mental health places my GP recommended later today and see how that goes.26(5) I'm doing well - I'm getting better27(7) Stopped talking to someone that did nothing but bring me down for the last 6 or so months and I feel great!28(6) Feeling inspired and entertained, if a little stressed.29(5) Feeling a little sick, but doing well at staying distracted and entertained.
30(5) Feeling a little twitchy - should probably do some work tonight. I've spent the rest of the day painting though, so it balances out.31(6) Went to the library and got some books - trying to get back into reading to help me focus more, since my attention span has declined horribly in the past year.
August
MTWTFSS
  1(5) Motivated and stressed - an interesting combination. Hopefully this means I'll be able to start knocking chores off my to-do list soon.2(6) Time for some TKD!3(4) A little restless (it's too hot today), but otherwise more or less fine.4To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter5(7) Did some more reading and watched The Incredibles II today - feeling a little better and inspired as a result.
6To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter7(3) Feeling another depressive mood enroaching on my wellbeing - I feel pretty bad, but I know I can handle it.8(2) Spiralling...9To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter10(3) 11(5) Handled it - I handled it. I feel better today - even yesterday afternoon I felt better - this is the fastest I've ever gotten out of a depressive period.12To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter
13(5)
(6) Watched Road to El Dorado again (one of my favourite films of all time) and I feel inspired!
14To view data older than 3 months, become a MoodPanda Supporter15(5) Trying to keep busy and productive - jaw is all messed up from anxiety/clenching, but otherwise I'm ok.16(2) Sometimes I feel like I'm reading a book instead of living life - a book in which I know how my character dies, but that I still keep reading in the vain hope that I'm mistaken about the ending.17(4) Not sure how I feel - jaw is still slipping around, and I flip between ok and miserable like binary.18No Reasons19No Reasons
20(6) Watched Mulan (amazing, as it has always been) and my jaw feels miles better compared to last week. On the downside, had my first nightmare in a few months and I'm worried they'll return.21No Reasons22No Reasons23No Reasons24(7) Finally got put on a waiting list for therapy - I feel so much better after talking to the lady there about it! That, and I'm smashing the word count on an essay while still having time to relax.25No Reasons26No Reasons
27No Reasons28(5) Evenings/nights are always a bit tough for me - going to get some reading done to keep my mind busy until sleep.29(4) Rougher evening - I think the dark affects my mood (makes me feel delirious and gives me headaches). Maybe I should try falling asleep earlier to avoid it.30(4) Feeling gross.
(5) Allow me to recommend Dr Sarah Edelman's 'Change Your Thinking With CBT' to you - it has helped me feel more in control and at peace with my mind.
31(4) My mood has been less up and down recently, but my anxiety has been through the roof.
September
MTWTFSS
     1(5) Super antsy, but otherwise ok.2No Reasons
3(4) Being very productive, but not with the things that count. School is starting back up in two days and I'm very scared.4(5) Feeling a little sick/jittery, but not bad enough to interfere with my mood. A little anxious about tomorrow (lots of changes happening at school), but also not too worried about being able to cope.5(7) And cope I did, somehow - I haven't felt so good on a school day in years. I don't feel in control exactly, but I feel so much better than I ever could have hoped. I was also very productive!6No Reasons7(6) I haven't felt this ok in so long - I get emotional just thinking about it.8No Reasons9No Reasons
10(5) I've been ok, but super busy. School has made it difficult for me to eat again, but I'm ready and able to handle it better this time.11No Reasons12(4) Mood keeps trying to drop, but I'm determined not to let it go too far. Took the evening off work and focussed instead on some anatomical studies to relax.13No Reasons14(4) Not feeling too bad - impossibly tired, but otherwise fine. I've been trying to counter the exhaustion by listening to really upbeat glam rock/80s tunes, and they've helped a lot, surprisingly.15(5) Drop-dead exhausted (I've been up for 15 hours and sorely need to sleep). Had a nice day though, just struggling to keep my eyes open.16No Reasons
17No Reasons18No Reasons19(6) My binder finally arrived yesterday, and it is honestly so surreal to finally wear one.20(4) Tired, but inspired enough to not be too bothered.21No Reasons22No Reasons23(5) My mood has been so much less capricious recently - it's a relief to feel like the same person from one hour to the next. It's tiring to maintain this state, though.
(4) I love alone time, but I'm an overthinker - so much time in my own head eventually leads to the same stuff over and over. Trying to brush it off and focus on work.
24No Reasons25No Reasons26(3) I feel bad - I can't seem to work as much as I have to, but deadlines aren't gentle and will not accommodate for my tiredness. And yet I can't help but feel like it's on me regardless.27No Reasons28No Reasons29(5) Terribly busy, but with so little time and focus to work. Sitting in front of an unfinished essay about illuminated manuscripts right now - I can barely read it.30No Reasons
October
MTWTFSS
1No Reasons2(2) 3No Reasons4No Reasons5No Reasons6No Reasons7(5) In a weird self-harm funk, though I'm not sure what's causing it? Also had a fairly terrifying dream last night - maybe I'm just stressed? Otherwise, I'm having a good time.
8(1) Harmed worse than usual today - I feel awful. I'm so stressed and one of my teachers seems hell-bent on ignoring that I'm struggling with this week's deadline because I've barely been in the house.9(4) My arm burns from yesterday and deadlines are pushing my back into aching too. I do think I can get it done on time though - just need to push myself a tiny bit more.10(5) Got the work done and handed it in to the teacher - he even said something nice about it, which is rare. I still feel pretty cruddy though - a lot of work left ahead of me.11(0) I'm convinced I'm in hell.12(0) It all feels like such a waste of time and effort.13(3) Sometimes I can't stand to look at myself at all.14(3) I haven't felt so anxious in over a month - my hands have started doing that thing where they go numb sometimes.
15(4) Feeling sad, but in a quiet way. A little less overwhelmed - may have the time to draw for myself if I hurry.16(5) Massively afraid of tomorrow (I have a 10 minute presentation to give and my first therapy appointment too), but trying not to think about it for the time being.17(6) Presentation went well - now on to some maths and later therapy. Nervous and hungry (won't be able to eat for the next... 5 hours at least) but otherwise relieved.
(5) The therapist was lovely - I feel lighter in my own head. Though I know it's temporary, I'm going to ride this little high for as long as it lasts.
18(6) My mind feels so clear and cohesive - it's been so long since I've managed to feel anything other than foggy. I'm not counting on it to last, but I'm going to enjoy it for as long as possible.19(5) I've spent a total of ~10 hours over the last 2 days doing maths homework - it's out of the way now, but I can't help but feel a bit overwhelmed. I'm not the fastest, but I understand the work.20No Reasons21(5) Watched the new Johnny English today and I laughed a lot. On the other hand, I've been plagued with bad feelings since I got home. I'll write to ease the pressure, and then get some sleep.
(5) Not feeling great - a lot of awful thoughts today - but overall holding up just fine. Looking forward to therapy again on Wednesday.
22(5) It's ok - I feel drained and on edge but that's nothing new. Will try to sleep more tonight - 5 hours has become the new average for me and I feel dizzy because of it.23No Reasons24No Reasons25No Reasons26(4) Therapy kicked my ass on Wednesday and I've put off responding to someone for 2 days now - I have no energy.27(3) Sad but productive - a rare combo for me.28(1) So anxious and for no good reason - I feel filthy? I feel like I need to vomit.
29(3) Angry at myself - I used to be so much more loving? Now I'm just bitter and sad all the time.30No Reasons31No Reasons