3.5 avg
  127 days
  990 hugs
  43 followers
My recent interaction with other MoodPanda users
Aiden Z · 29 Dec 0
Feeling like I'm unworthy of anyone's time or love. Being trans & trying to find a partner for love is tearing me apart at every seam just in time for my sister's wedding on the 31st. Nobody wants me
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Jeff M · 29 Dec
Maybe you don't need someone for the wedding. You can enjoy yourself without that person. Perhaps your putting undue pressure on yourself. Maybe you'll even meet someone at the wedding!
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Aiden Z · 29 Dec
It's not the wedding itself. It's more like that's the reminder of my single status that hasn't changed in 9+ years.
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Albertine M · 29 Dec
*Hugs*
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Sophie V · 29 Dec
*Hugs*
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Carmen H · 29 Dec
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Jen B · 29 Dec
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Penelope P · 29 Dec
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Jeff M · 29 Dec
Yeah, I can relate to that.
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Reba H · 29 Dec
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Janine S · 29 Dec
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Janine S · 29 Dec
That's understandable
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Manda P · 31 Dec
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 31 Dec
Hey, Aiden. Glad to see you back but sorry it is under these circumstances. I wish I had better words to say except not to give up. That person is out there.
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Aiden Z · 05 Jan
@Manda P I didn't really know what else to do. And I think I found someone just by chance. I've kept pretty quiet about it too my family because I want things to work out and I don't want to jinx it. My family isn't the most supportive at times.
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Manda P · 06 Jan
You don't need your family's support, do you? As long as you're happy is what matters.
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Aiden Z · 06 Jan
No I don't need their support or involvement. I'm an adult and it's none of their business until I say it is.
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Manda P · 08 Jan
Have you met their family?
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Aiden Z · 09 Jan
No. It's gonna be awhile before that happens
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Manda P · 09 Jan
Well, good luck. I really hope everything works out for you.
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Aiden Z · 10 Mar 4
Trying to get a date with someone when you're transgender is like walking on a minefield. It's hardly worth the effort of disappointment & ruined self-esteem but I still try & punish myself.
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anon u · 10 Mar
*Hugs*
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anon u NEW · 10 Mar
*Hugs*
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Lydia R · 10 Mar
*Hugs*
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Love 1 · 10 Mar
Wondering if theres an online , supportive dating site you can join. BTW, I admire your willingness to suffer for love.
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Aiden Z · 10 Mar
I looked into that. Too difficult to navigate since I don't have a proper PC at the moment. If it doesn't have an Android app, it may as well not exist.
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Aiden Z · 10 Mar
Plus a lot of sites are full of people that have unhealthy obsessions and fetishes and stuff concerning people like me and I'm not into that.
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Tasha S · 10 Mar
*Hugs*
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Michelle W · 10 Mar
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Odie W · 18 Mar
*Hugs*
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anon u NEW · 19 Apr
Same situation here. I'm a trans guy and I have a crush on a friend's friend who is a straight cis woman. I feel hopeless and trapped. Glad to see another trans guy on MP. We should exchange some experiences with each other.
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Aiden Z · 19 Apr
I've never encountered another trans guy on MP either. I tried the whole online dating thing but my profile read more like a disclaimer and it was so defensive I'm sure it had to be a turnoff.
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Aiden Z · 19 Feb 0
There's a difference between living and surviving. I'm just not sure what it is anymore. If I don't feel like I'm living anymore then what's the point of surviving?
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tEnT S · 19 Feb
*Hugs*
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anon u · 19 Feb
Because things don't stay as bad as they are now forever. As difficult as things are at the moment, they pass and things work out. It's worth hanging on/in there for the better times ahead. The good times do come back. Just hang in there buddy.
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Aiden Z · 19 Feb
Things have been bad for far too long and I've just gotten sick and tired of hiding how I really feel. Admitting myself to a psych ward would be a horrible idea since I'm transgender with a seizure disorder so I can't even reach out for proper help.
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Lieteke G · 19 Feb
These are 2 difficult things. I have a few questions: seizures, do you get medication for that? Is
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Lieteke G · 19 Feb
Sorry, touched enter by mistake. Is there a reason which trickers the seizure, or are they unprovoked? It must ne really tough not knowing when to expect them. Must make you very insecure.
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Lieteke G · 19 Feb
Transgender. That is very hard. I don't know in which country you are living, only a few countries will socially accept it. Do your family know, are you in transition already, is there someone to talk to about it? It must be very tough and I
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Lieteke G · 19 Feb
And I understand your post. But it might get better. Really hope you have someone to talk to. Remember we are here for you
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Tasha S · 19 Feb
*Hugs*
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nixiblu . · 19 Feb
*Hugs*
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anon u · 19 Feb
I understand that it's difficult, but there are some things we can't fix on our own, and the only way to get a helping hand.... is to reach out to someone who can. It might be just the start of mending things for you.
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anon u · 26 Feb
I would like to think that you have the strength and courage to get through this by yourself, but sometimes we need a helping hand, even if it's just to get started on the right track. No-one should have to suffer or go through difficult times alone.
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Aiden Z · 18 Feb 0
What do you do when you're desperately lonely but don't want to be expected to put on an 'everything's okay' face for your family? They don't solve the problem anyway.
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anon u · 18 Feb
*Hugs*
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anon u · 18 Feb
I go drinking so I give the same shy their
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anon u · 18 Feb
*the same sht they give about me being lonely. They can't help it anyway.
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Aiden Z · 18 Feb
Can't drink with my anti-seizure meds unless I want to end up 6ft under in a real hurry plus no driving with seizures anyway to even get anywhere let alone a bar.
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Reba H · 19 Feb
*Hugs*
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Michelle W · 19 Feb
*Hugs*
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anon u · 19 Feb
Given up on meds and resumed my drinking. Feel rather better. It's up to you anyways. Once you'll have realised meds no longer help you know an option :รพ
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anon u · 19 Feb
The people that take you for granted don't seem to be able to have much empathy and condolences.
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Tasha S · 19 Feb
*Hugs*
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D M · 18 Feb 0
Being single in your late 30s when all you wanted was to have a family with someone is the worst place to be.
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Michelle W · 18 Feb
*Hugs*
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anon u · 18 Feb
*Hugs*
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Jen B · 18 Feb
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Richard E · 18 Feb
*Hugs*
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Richard E · 18 Feb
I know but enjoy being single.....its what I have done
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Aiden Z · 18 Feb
*Hugs*
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Nick N · 18 Feb
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Tuxi A · 18 Feb
*Hugs*
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Margot L · 18 Feb
*Hugs*
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Tasha S · 25 Aug 6
First day working at Holland & Barrett in Sheffield
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Noel L · 25 Aug
Sounds good Tasha. Hope it goes well for you
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Kaya L · 25 Aug
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Aiden Z · 25 Aug
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Helen M · 25 Aug
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Margot L · 25 Aug
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anon u · 25 Aug
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anon u · 25 Aug
Hope it goes well xx
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paul M · 25 Aug
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Alicia B · 25 Aug
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Tasha S · 25 Aug
Thank you Noel, Christina, it went well thank you x
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Claire M · 25 Aug
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Noel L · 26 Aug
Brilliant
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Albertine M · 27 Aug
*Hugs*
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Aiden Z · 20 Aug 3
I created a live.me account but am finding myself too shy to broadcast my own singing even though I know I'm good. Always had stage fright as a soloist. Any ideas panda's!
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Lex M · 20 Aug
*Hugs*
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Tasha S · 20 Aug
*Hugs*
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Tasha S · 20 Aug
You can do it!
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anon u · 20 Aug
*Hugs*
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Aiden Z · 20 Aug
And I have no clue what to sing. I look young so I guess I should pick something bearing that in mind. I have one of those voices that can sound like just about anyone else's. It's weird.
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Herbie M · 20 Aug
Sing what makes you happy inside. If you do that, you might somehow be able to push away your fears & get lost in the music. Sing what feels right for you. Start with something simple & then build on what you can. Baby steps. You got this! ๐Ÿ™‚
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Aiden Z · 20 Aug
This is the part where being a perfectionist absolutely sucks.
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Herbie M · 20 Aug
Ah, yeah that's a pretty difficult one to get around isn't it? Still, are you going to give it a go?
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Albertine M · 20 Aug
*Hugs*
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Aiden Z · 23 Aug
I really want to, Mandy M. It's hard to open myself up like that I guess.
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Herbie M · 23 Aug
Shame as you said you're really good, and am inclined to believe you ๐Ÿ™‚ You gots to do what you feel is right
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Wendy J · 15 Aug 1
Feeling slightly down again due to ex thing contacting me to tell me i was yet again wrong. Its so frustrating that he cannot even see what he did to make me walk away.
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Aiden Z · 15 Aug
*Hugs*
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Aiden Z · 15 Aug
Well for one, honestly most guys I know are like that. Or maybe he's emotionally damaged and loves playing the victim in a breakup situation. Everyone is different but guys do seem to be more dense.
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Aiden Z · 15 Aug
And the burning question, why didn't you make a clean break from someone who obviously hurt you a lot? You're allowing him to still contact you and that's a huge part of this ongoing problem. I wouldn't recommend it.
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Wendy J · 15 Aug
Thank you Aiden z, i know you are right. I think like you say he is a broken person who is not going to change at all, because he doesn't have the emotional insight within himself to change. I know it takes two to tango and i wasn't the easy one in o
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Wendy J · 15 Aug
Our relationship. You are however right i do need to cut the ties and let go because i am just continuing to let him manipulate the situation if i dont.
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Aiden Z · 15 Aug
Well the whole it takes two to tango fails to take into account that one person is usually an enabler of the other's worst behavior. Good example would be putting up with an abusive relationship with someone. You get what I mean?
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Aiden Z · 15 Aug
And he probably knew that you might be a bit of a challenge. He had to have known what he was getting into. His pseudo-acceptance turned ugly is totally on him. Don't take responsibility for him.
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Aiden Z · 14 Aug 2
There should seriously be a 'single forever & hating/loving it' relationship status option on Facebook and other places. There's just nobody out there. Being alone just sucks.
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Wendy J · 14 Aug
I agee aiden
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Aiden Z · 14 Aug
Not everyone is okay getting stuck in their single status. I may not have my *** together but does that mean I'd be a horrible boyfriend? I just don't understand the world I guess.
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anon u · 14 Aug
*Hugs*
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anon u · 14 Aug
*Hugs*
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anon u NEW · 14 Aug
*Hugs*
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anon u NEW · 14 Aug
*Hugs*
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anon u NEW · 14 Aug
I'm sure you'll find someone amazing... sometimes it just takes time..
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Aiden Z · 14 Aug
10 years of searching feels like an eternity. Seems like the bottom line is no one wants a trans-guy. As if that's all I am as a person.
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Wendy J · 14 Aug
Keep your chin up Aiden. I am pritty sure that its not something solely isolated to the transgender community. I believe its because we have become a society which now thinks love and relationships are disposable, and so you dont have to commit anymo
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Aiden Z · 14 Aug
I open up to people and suddenly they just exit my life. I used to think it was a coincidence. I'm just not sure anymore.
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Manda P · 14 Aug
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 14 Aug
Wendy is right. I doubt it has nothing to do with being transgender. There is someone out there for everybody. My sister is 34 & still searching. She is struggling like you but I have hope for the both of you!
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anon u NEW · 14 Aug
Well I myself have no problem being with a trans man as I have done so before and I am genderqueer myself.. the right person isn't going to push you away just because of that... just don't give up on yourself. .
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Lydia R · 09 Aug 5
This is how I want to wake up every morning: feeling almost energised, rather positive and in the mood to get up and start the day; and not how it's been in the last days: convinced no one cares about
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Lydia R · 09 Aug
me, feeling really down and ***al. I feel quite good, but still rate only a 5 because there's some anxiety and worry left, just like always.
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Jeff M · 09 Aug
*Hugs*
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Katie Rose S · 09 Aug
*Hugs*
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Tasha S · 09 Aug
*Hugs*
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Aiden Z · 09 Aug
*Hugs*
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Binky B · 09 Aug
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 09 Aug
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 09 Aug
We care about you! ๐Ÿ’–
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Lydia R · 12 Aug
Thank you Pandas, and thank you Manda! That's great to read. ๐Ÿ’œ I'm not good at believing in people's affection, and question it even if I know it's genuine.
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Manda P · 12 Aug
Well, don't question mine at least. I really do care about you & want you to be happy! ๐Ÿ’–
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Lydia R · 13 Aug
Thank you, that means a lot. And I'm working on actually believing it. Which will be a lifelong struggle, I already know it. I want you to be happy too!
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Manda P · 13 Aug
Aw, thank you, Lydia! Your support makes me happy!
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Aiden Z · 26 Apr 5
I hate migraines especially when they come with hugely dilated pupils & nausea. The pain I can medicate away but I'm stuck with the rest.
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anon u · 20 Nov
*Hugs*
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anon u · 20 Nov
*Hugs*
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Reba H · 20 Nov
*Hugs*
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anon u · 20 Nov
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 20 Nov
*Hugs*
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Love 1 · 20 Nov
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 25 Mar
Aiden, where ya been? I see you on FB every now & then, but miss you on here. Hope you are well!
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Aiden Z · 26 Apr
I've just had a lot going on. Really a lot.
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Manda P · 26 Apr
Hope you're ok.
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Tasha S · 18 Nov 4
Feel like shit
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Jake G CHIEFPANDA · 18 Nov
*Hugs*
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Aiden Z · 18 Nov
*Hugs*
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anon u · 18 Nov
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 18 Nov
*Hugs*
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anon u · 19 Nov
*Hugs*
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Reba H · 19 Nov
*Hugs*
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Love 1 · 19 Nov
*Hugs*
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Melody L · 19 Nov
*Hugs*
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anon u · 19 Nov
*Hugs*
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anon u · 19 Nov
*Hugs*
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Silke V · 19 Nov
*Hugs*
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Tasha S · 19 Nov
Thanks for the hugs!
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Richard E · 19 Nov
*Hugs*
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John W · 20 Nov
*Hugs*
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H F · 20 Nov
*Hugs*
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anon u · 20 Nov
*Hugs*
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Claire M · 20 Nov
*Hugs*
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anon u NEW · 24 Nov
*Hugs*
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Aiden Z · 18 Nov 4
Just got my cholesterol test back & now have high triglycerides due to taking mirtazapine. Guess it's taper down time for me. Waiting to hear from my psych about this. Not good at all. Not happy.
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Melody L · 18 Nov
I gained a lot of weight when i was on mirtazapine regularly, had big appetite and swelling all over my body.
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Aiden Z · 18 Nov
I was put on it so that I could gain weight. Worked well for that, plateaued at 135 & have stayed there. That's Healthy weight for me , no swelling but the triglycerides rise, that I gotta do something about.
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Tasha S · 18 Nov
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 18 Nov
Ugh. I hate the medicine game. Hope things get worked out for you soon!
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Reba H · 19 Nov
*Hugs*
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Love 1 · 19 Nov
*Hugs*
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Aiden Z · 07 Nov 5
So conflicted I'm not even sure what to type here. I met a girl & things were pretty great. Now I don't know. She knows I'm trans but when she got curious & looked up top surgery, she got weird.
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Aiden Z · 07 Nov
I guess she looked at pictures & came realize that if I ended up really scarred, she couldn't handle that. She's been in chronic pain so I can't tell her pushing me away is due to pain or the idea of my future scarred chest .
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Aiden Z · 07 Nov
If previous run of the mill scars I've acquired over the years is anything to go by, I'll have nothing but a tiny white line. We tend to scar the same way all over.
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Tasha S · 07 Nov
*Hugs*
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Reba H · 07 Nov
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 07 Nov
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 07 Nov
Be patient with her. Maybe it's just taking her a long time to adjust to things. Scars are no big deal in the grand scheme of things.
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Meggie B · 07 Nov
*Hugs*
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Rebekah B · 14 Nov
*Hugs*
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Aiden Z · 03 Nov 6
Too tired to care that my home team is playing a world series game tonight. Long day & it's only 8pm but I seriously just want to close my eyes & sleep. Got a haircut from the girl I like.
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anon u · 03 Nov
*Hugs*
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Aiden Z · 03 Nov
Stayed up long enough to see the Cubs win the World Series. I'm proud of my home team but can barely keep my eyes open anymore. Need sleep badly.
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Tasha S · 03 Nov
*Hugs*
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Reba H · 03 Nov
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 03 Nov
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 03 Nov
I wouldn't have been able to stay up long enough to see them win! I'm like a toddler when it comes to sleep. =) Hope you got some rest.
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Aiden Z · 03 Nov
I did eventually. Passed out in bed & slept hard.
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Aiden Z · 29 Oct 7
A girl in my neighborhood is actually interested in me. This is a first. Could use something good in my life right now.
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Maria K · 29 Oct
*Hugs*
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anon u · 29 Oct
*Hugs*
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Claire M · 29 Oct
*Hugs*
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anon u · 29 Oct
*Hugs*
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anon u · 29 Oct
Congrats to hear! Here's wishing you only good things going forward :)
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Tasha S · 29 Oct
*Hugs*
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Reba H · 29 Oct
*Hugs*
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anon u · 29 Oct
*Hugs*
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anon u · 29 Oct
Good luck!
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Manda P · 29 Oct
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 29 Oct
That's great! I hope it works out for you!
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Aiden Z · 29 Oct
I just hope I don't mess it up. Years of rejection and getting friend-zoned often make me come on too strong and get attached too early on.
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Manda P · 29 Oct
Learn from those lessons & take it slow. Maybe she is the one meant for you. All those bad experiences have to be balanced out with good.
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Aiden Z · 30 Oct
I just got home from meeting her for the first time at her place. Walked home in a thunderstorm and am soaked to the bone! Totally worth it!
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Manda P · 30 Oct
That makes me smile! Glad you have found some happiness!
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anon u · 30 Oct
Yay!! Glad to hear you're doing good! :D
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Melody L · 29 Oct 6
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Aiden Z · 29 Oct
*Hugs*
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anon u · 30 Oct
*Hugs*
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Maria K · 29 Oct 2
My dog died today. So upset because my kids were irresponsible. I am so angry at them. And i let them go out too because I felt bad for them. I am a push over parent.
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Aiden Z · 29 Oct
*Hugs*
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anon u NEW · 29 Oct
*Hugs*
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Claire M · 29 Oct
I am so sorry. Big hugs x
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anon u · 29 Oct
*Hugs*
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John W · 29 Oct
*Hugs*
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anon u · 29 Oct
*Hugs*
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anon u · 29 Oct
*Hugs*
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anon u · 29 Oct
that's really sad. I'm sorry for this ):
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Melody L · 27 Oct 8
First snow! And the leaves are still colourful! So beautiful! Nature always makes me happy:)
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Love 1 · 25 Oct
*Hugs*
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Binky B · 25 Oct
*Hugs*
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Jeff M · 25 Oct
*Hugs*
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Aiden Z · 27 Oct
Jealous. Where do you live that you're getting snow already? All we've got in Illinois is cold rain.
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Melody L · 30 Oct
In Estonia :)
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Aiden Z · 27 Oct 2
Got a survey to rate my psychiatrist's performance. If I'm honest, the result could be very bad for me. What to do... How to tell enough of the truth to get my point across & not make things worse?
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anon u · 27 Oct
*Hugs*
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anon u · 27 Oct
Why being honest will be bad for you?
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Aiden Z · 27 Oct
Because of admitting ***al ideation mostly.
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Aiden Z · 27 Oct
I don't want to end up in a psychiatric ward because of something he did. I don't know the laws well in Illinois. I'm a difficult patient to place in such a situation. Many hospitals don't have protections for trans people in their psych wards.
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Reba H · 27 Oct
*Hugs*
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Aiden Z · 27 Oct
I didn't tell him I came close to swallowing all the pills I'm prescribed though. I have a lot of tough decisions ahead.
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anon u · 27 Oct
*Hugs*
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anon u · 27 Oct
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 28 Oct
I can't give advice here, Aiden. I'm not completely honest with my mental health team. It's scary because you don't know the outcome. You gotta trust that they've got your best interest in mind.
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anon u · 28 Oct
*Hugs*
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Aiden Z · 28 Oct
@Manda P, that's just it. He's cramming a misdiagnosis down my throat & I know he doesn't have my best interest in mind.
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Aiden Z · 28 Oct
Because i have sensory processing disorder, I'm not a neurotypical patient. That diagnosis should be reflected in my psychiatry record but it isn't. I even turned over a mess of medical records from my childhood diagnosis & still no acknowledgement
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Tasha S · 28 Oct
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 28 Oct
I'm sorry, Aiden. I wish I had some advice for you. How old are you? Have you talked to your parents about it?
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Aiden Z · 28 Oct
You all probably think I'm around 18. I'm 36 and yeah I've been honest with my Mom at least. She hasn't been very helpful.
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Manda P · 29 Oct
I'm sorry! You look so young in your picture! I guess I shouldn't be quick to assume. I used to look much younger than my age for a long time. I'm 35 & think it's finally catching up to me. Now, my voice...I sound like a 5 year old! Also sorry...
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Manda P · 29 Oct
...that your mom hasn't been helpful? Do you have any supportive friends at least?
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Aiden Z · 29 Oct
@Manda P, it's alright. According to my looks, I've been 18 for the last 18 years. I've got some supportive friends but none nearby for hugs in the flesh really.
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Aiden Z · 29 Oct
I have a lot of teenage angst and my reactions are far more adolescent-like on account of still being in hormonal transition(I'm still in testosterone induced second puberty)
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Aiden Z · 29 Oct
@Manda P & Clint B, a lot of times I wish I could talk one on one with you. You're quickly becoming big parts of my support system.
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Manda P · 29 Oct
That must be so frustrating to be stuck at 18. I can't imagine how confusing it much be. If you are on FB, I can give you my link. I'd be more than happy to be friends with you.
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Aiden Z · 29 Oct
@Manda P, yeah I'm on FB. You just made me smile btw.
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Manda P · 30 Oct
www.facebook.com/amanda.renee.burdette ...feel free to send me a request & message anytime!
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