4.3 avg
  223 days
  2973 hugs
  51 followers
My recent interaction with other MoodPanda users
Mandy O · 14h 1
that was the scariest suicidal episode I've ever had- worse than the times I attempted to overdose - bcoz i had thoughts about how I could go ahead with it so it was instant n nobody would know
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Mandy O · 14h
My body reacted physically and emotionally to what I was thinking which must have been a protective thing - now I feel irritable n angry that I got too afraid to do it :(
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Ali H · 14h
*Hugs*
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Rachel C · 13h
*Hugs*
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Rachel C · 13h
I don't know what to say, but I hope you're safe. I'll be thinking of you.
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K├Ąti E NEW · 13h
*Hugs*
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Natalia W · 13h
*Hugs*
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barry S NEW · 13h
hope all is now okay with you i will be thinking off you xx
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Tasha S · 12h
*Hugs*
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Margot L · 12h
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Cindy M · 10h
*Hugs*
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Esther B · 5h
Happy you're still here
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Ali H · 4h
*Hugs*
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Ali H · 4h
Hope you are ok Mandy
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Manda P · 9m
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 8m
Thinking of you, Twinny. Stay with us. xx
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Mandy O · 16h 0
Couldn't handle my hyomanic/manic (unsure what it was classed as because MH don't want to help unless I'm depressed n try to kill myself) so spent 2-3 days on a alcohol n drugs binge which helped
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Mandy O · 16h
Temporarily but obviously it only helps block things for a very short while and will then make things a million times more difficult - like now :( I haven't cried in weeks but feel i will any moment - i hope I can cry because it may save me from this
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Mandy O · 16h
unbearable pain that's making me feel so ***le and so ready to end my life :( I'm feeling scared of my own mind right now because past attempts I've told someone before I've tried to kill myself but right now I feel no need to tell anyone
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Mandy O · 15h
Meant to say couldn't handle my hypomanic/manic 'crash' - I don't even know if it was hypomanic or mania because I just felt normal n care free - but this crash n the trouble I got in clearly makes me look back n realise I wasn't right
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Sean W · 15h
*Hugs*
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Rachel C · 13h
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Tasha S · 12h
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Cindy M · 10h
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Manda P · 8m
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Manda P · 6m
You were clearly manic & this was a crash. Now you know what it's like & can get a better handle on things next time. It'll still suck, but you'll understand it & hopefully won't become ***al again. Stay safe. <3 xx
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Mandy O · 2d 1
Constant sirens and helicopter out circling where I live in Manchester - anxiety is really not good at all - I need to travel across the city centre later today on trains n buses - I feel petrified
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Stephen C · 2d
Oh poor you Mandy - I can imagine only too well what it must be like there now. Please take care. Big Pandy cuddles
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Ali H · 2d
*Hugs*
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Jeff M · 2d
*Hugs*
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Jeff M · 2d
Good luck, Mandy. I'm sure you'll be fine. Imagine a bunch of us pandabears with you...there's comfort in going with pals!
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Mandy O · 2d
Thank you guys - and that's a great little thing for me to imagine Jeff - made me smile that did :)
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Binky B · 2d
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Esther B · 2d
*Hugs*
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Esther B · 2d
Oh my. Must be scary
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Esther B · 2d
But let love rule!!
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Manda P · 2d
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 2d
I would feel them same way, but you can do it!
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Rachel C · 1d
*Hugs*
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Mandy O · 3d 1
Just suddenly crashed from a hypomanic episode or possible manic episode - 2 weeks since my last update so gives me an idea of how long it lasted - this crash feels unbearable
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Annamaria B NEW · 25 May
*Hugs*
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Annamaria B NEW · 25 May
I can imagine this is hurting you and I hope it gets better. Take it one day at a time because you will manage one way or another.
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Binky B · 25 May
*Hugs*
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Sean W · 25 May
*Hugs*
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Binky B · 25 May
Glad to see you back, Mandy. Was wondering where you'd got to. You must be feeling in the pits right now, is there anyone you can talk to, and/or any meds to take the edge off? Big hugs x
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Rachel C · 25 May
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paul M · 25 May
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Tasha S · 25 May
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Jeff M · 3d
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Manda P · 3d
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Manda P · 3d
I'm so sorry, Twinny. I know how hard those crashes can be. It's rough. But you'll make it through. I pinkie promise. xx
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Mandy O · 3d
I went to community mental health for some advice n see where I'm up to with the services they never help they just tell the lady on the desk I'm on a list x
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Mandy O · 3d
Thanks everyone - I have had some great days and had fun most of the past 2 weeks but I somehow forget to even log in to here to update - x
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Manda P · 2d
I'm sorry about the list. They seem to have those everywhere besides America. You didn't post because you weren't feeling well. It's ok. xx
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Rorschach T · 11 May 5
Well rested, found effective pain relief for my back / rib issue. CT scan today. Woke up to wonderful words of wisdom from Love 1. (Seriously, you rock bro).
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Rorschach T · 11 May
(Extremely good score for a morning)
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Love 1 · 11 May
Thanks, brother. I appreciate that. Props to the people of Tibet for maintaining & sharing their cultural treasures with the world.
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Rikke B · 11 May
*Hugs*
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Rorschach T · 11 May
Yes, much love and respect to the people of tibet.
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Claire M · 11 May
*Hugs*
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Mandy O · 11 May
*Hugs*
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Binky B · 11 May
*Hugs*
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Claire M · 11 May
*Hugs*
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Sandra V · 11 May
*Hugs*
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DesBear D · 11 May
*Hugs*
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Rorschach T · 12 May
Thanks all
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Patrick A · 11 May 9
OMG, so involved in my own drama I forgot to celebrate 2 years without alcohol! I can't believe I made it this far. I'm very proud of myself. 5/10/15 was my first sober day. Keep it going!
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Laurel B · 10 May
*Hugs*
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Esther B · 10 May
Congrats
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Noel L · 10 May
Keep it going Patrick. Well done a great achievement
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Ali H · 10 May
*Hugs*
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Jeff M · 10 May
Good for you! Important date to remember!
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John S · 10 May
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John S · 10 May
Great!
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Kathryn D · 10 May
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Cindy M · 10 May
*Hugs*
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Cindy M · 10 May
Fantastic!
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Rorschach T · 11 May
*Hugs*
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Rorschach T · 11 May
Well done man!
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Patrick A · 11 May
Thank you all. You've all helped in the short time I've been on here. It has helped make some of the hard times better. It has been easier as time passes but I still see my addiction every day.
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Mandy O · 11 May
Such an inspiration - amazing - well dibs
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Mandy O · 11 May
Well done I meant to say <3
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Sandra V · 13 May
*Hugs*
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Patrick A · 11 May 8
Great day. Wish I was going to bed earlier, but I did some #writing and felt good at my accomplishment.
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Mandy O · 11 May
*Hugs*
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Claire M · 11 May
*Hugs*
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Claire M · 11 May
Well done!
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Rorschach T · 11 May
*Hugs*
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Cindy M · 11 May
*Hugs*
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Mandy O · 11 May 3
4.30am - insomnia and anxiety causing me to have Bruxism (teeth grinding and clenching of the jaw) it's that bad I keep accidently biting my tongue and stiffness in my jaw and neck - feel exhausted
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Luna G · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Luna G · 09 May
Sounds crappy, really sorry about that Mandy O. I've just taken a bunch of adderall to study for a test so no sleep here either!
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Elizabeth M NEW · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Anonmous A · 09 May
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Esther B · 09 May
Hmm I have the same problem. Have you been to the dentist?
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Rorschach T · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Binky B · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Jeff M · 09 May
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Jeff M · 09 May
Anxiety causes me to grind or clench my jaw too...I can always notice it when my neck and shoulders hurt... :(
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Cindy M · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 09 May
It does the same for me which is why I was originally prescribed Klonopin.
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Love 1 · 10 May
My X had this. Her dentist suggested a mouth guard, which she wore nightly.
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Mandy O · 11 May
Thanks guys; for the advice and sharing your experiences.. I know I should but I rarely visit my dentist - I'm not afraid I just don't do things I should :/ the last visit I got asked if I was under any stress.. I said no (lie) and wondered why
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Mandy O · 11 May
She was asking - now I realise it must because there were signs of teeth grinding. I've only noticed I do this recently especially after I got took off cetalopram meds because my jaw went that stiff lol since then I'm aware when Im clenching my jaw
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Mandy O · 11 May
I will ask about a mouth guard Love1 :) as one of my back teeth has been breaking away slowly but surely! X
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Esther B · 11 May
I have a mouthgard as well. It helps me from grinding but not always for clenching my teeth..
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Vlad F NEW · 09 May 6
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Rorschach T · 08 May
*Hugs*
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Mandy O · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Elizabeth M NEW · 09 May 2
i think i have the right key but just the wrong doors in my way
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Angela M · 08 May
*Hugs*
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Cindy M · 08 May
*Hugs*
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Cindy M · 08 May
I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time, Elizabeth, but your posts display such insight and lyricism that I 'enjoy' them (if you see what I mean:) ). Good to hear that you write - keep going with that. Big hugs xx
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Jeff M · 08 May
*Hugs*
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Rachel C · 08 May
*Hugs*
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mensje ^ · 08 May
*Hugs*
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Elizabeth M NEW · 09 May
hey Cindy, thank you for your kind awareness :) and yes I do enjoy writing a lot - I'm glad to hear you appreciate my updates :)) Hehe bigger hugs back!! I hope you're having a great day xx
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Mandy O · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Luna G · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Luna G · 09 May
You will find the right door, I promise Elizabeth M. Drop kick that stupid door that is standing in the way!
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Rorschach T · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Elizabeth M NEW · 09 May
hehe thanks Luna!! I'm taking your advice for that one ;)
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Silke V · 09 May 7
Started a diary again. Started a new one, my old one wasn't full yet, but that book feels like a different life time. Even just seeing it, I feel like that chapter is closed.
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Ann S · 08 May
*Hugs*
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Mandy O · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Margot L · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Esther B · 09 May
I do the same :) new Silke without meds!!
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Rorschach T · 09 May
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Binky B · 09 May
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Binky B · 09 May
Very interesting x
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Christina E · 09 May
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Cindy M · 09 May
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Manda P · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 09 May
I have my diary from when I was going through the worst possible time in my life which my daughter could never read or at least until she is much much older. It's hidden, but my psychologist says I should throw it away. I just don't think I can do...
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Manda P · 09 May
...that. It means too much to me. A friend suggested I put it in an envelope marked private & tape the whole thing up. I don't know if that would work.
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Silke V · 09 May
Yes Esther. Well Manda, I have two 'old' diarys. One of them is really bad. I didn't want to live anymore, I once started to read it again and I don't think i'll ever do that again. It was really hard. I didn't get ride of it yet but I don't know why
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Silke V · 09 May
I should keep it.. I'll never forget how hard it has been. Maybe reading it makes that I'm back in that moment, wich isn't really good all the pain, the feelings everything comes back. But why don't we Let the past in the past?
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Manda P · 09 May
You have a very good point, Silke. Maybe I should get rid of it. I've read the thing a dozen times over. It does hurt & I don't need it to remember, but I guess it also serves as a reminder of how far I've come in a way.
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Silke V · 09 May
True Manda, maybe, (don't know, just trying to help) if you've read so many times, just take a picture of the book as a reminder.
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Silke V · 09 May
I used to think a diary was something to keep, but maybe a diary is just something to get it all out. Everything on your mind, get it out, and not to keep ik for the rest of our lives.. and maybe make an other diary for positive stories, so you can k
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Silke V · 09 May
Keep that one for when you're feeling low?
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Binky B · 10 May
That's such a lovely idea, Silke, and very well put. Thank you for sharing. I also thought diaries were something I'd keep forever. Now I think maybe I'll let my therapist read them, but not sure if they would have time!
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Binky B · 10 May
I was thinking about how it makes me feel to look at old photos, too. I don't think it always makes me feel good, for sure... Maybe now I understand why my mum, in a drunken/manic state destroyed practically all our photos from when I was growing up.
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Binky B · 10 May
But I was so mad at her and screamed at her and called her names, 'how could she?!'. But they obviously represented something completely different for her.
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Manda P · 10 May
You guys make good points. I think I'll say goodbye to it. I have a new journal that daughter sometimes reads so I guess that's my mostly positive journal. Thanks for your thoughts, ladies. <3
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Binky B · 09 May 6
#Snoozed for an hour, loving the comfort of my bed. Need to start using the hair band trick for my phone again. Then off to work. Need to finally buy groceries today, keep putting it off.
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Elizabeth M NEW · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Luna G · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Luna G · 09 May
Thanks so much for all of your thoughtful advice, I really appreciate it. Glad that you were able to relax a little!
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Mandy O · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Anonmous A · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Rorschach T · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Binky B · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Binky B · 09 May
It's a pleasure and you're very welcome , Luna :-)
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Cindy M · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Luna G · 09 May 5
I think I'm going to have to make an immensely complicated decision soon but I need to gather more info. For now I'm just going to focus on the task at hand and try to pass my upcoming tests.
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Mandy O · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Elizabeth M NEW · 09 May
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Anonmous A · 09 May
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Rorschach T · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Binky B · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Cindy M · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Love 1 · 09 May 7
Cultivating love and joy and friendships. I'm grateful and blessed and grateful and redundant.
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Mandy O · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Elizabeth M NEW · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Anonmous A · 09 May
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Rorschach T · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Asya O · 09 May
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Binky B · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Christina E · 09 May
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Jeff M · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Jeff M · 09 May
And grateful!
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Elizabeth M NEW · 09 May
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Cindy M · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Richard E · 09 May
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Aaron T · 10 May
*Hugs*
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Aaron T · 10 May
Haha!
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Aaron T · 10 May
*laughs*
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Aaron T · 10 May
*Hugs*
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Doodles B · 09 May 4
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Manda P · 08 May
*Hugs*
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Ann S · 08 May
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Mandy O · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Anonmous A · 09 May
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Rorschach T · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Asya O · 09 May
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Binky B · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Jeff M · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Cindy M · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Mandy O · 09 May 4
So many empty packets of Zopiclone :/ need 1 to sleep and I'm looking all over the house in hope I can come across some - house is a mess still - it was spotless a week ago - I sure was a tornado! Lol
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Mandy O · 09 May
Also just realised I've blew 800 pounds last week that I had in the bank and owe money out when I get paid tomorrow - wow it's like I was out of control :/
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Elizabeth M NEW · 09 May
sounds tough, big hugs!! I hope everything will be in order soon :)
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Elizabeth M NEW · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Mandy O · 09 May
Thank you Elizabeth M :)
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Luna G · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Anonmous A · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Rorschach T · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Binky B · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Jeff M · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Cindy M · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 09 May
I know all these feelings. It can feel like a big mess. You'll get it straightened out though, Twinny. I know you will. xx
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Mandy O · 11 May
Thanks everyone and tomorrow I'm going to start straightening everything up manda - the more I put it off n try to ignore it the more It's bothering me - so much to do which is overwhelming but I'm going to do it a bit at a time! X
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Manda P · 11 May
Proud of you, Twinny! xx
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Rorschach T · 09 May 7
Decided today is last day of Quetiapine, I've calmed down too much to be taking such things ha ha
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Binky B · 08 May
How long have you been taking it? Glad to see you in the green, it's amazing!
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Rachel C · 08 May
*Hugs*
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Stephen C · 08 May
We'll done my friend
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Rorschach T · 08 May
Thanks Binky, first time for everything eh ha ha. I used to take valium until recently, it stopped working because I was taking it too much (due to recent breakdown). So Friday last week I started taking Quetiapine so I could sleep at night.
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Rorschach T · 08 May
That's all I used the valium for, occasion evening use to make sleep a little easier (only took 50 per 3 months). As you can probably see from my recent posts, I had a moment of clarity which made me see what the problem REALLY is (as is for most
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Rorschach T · 08 May
People).
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Rorschach T · 08 May
Thanks Stephen
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Rorschach T · 08 May
(We used to have a nice Stephen here before you came along, we had a bit of a disagreement and he was removed from the site unfortunately. I wish he could come back because all is forgiven and everyone is sorry. So sad)
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Sandra V · 08 May
*Hugs*
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Claire M · 08 May
*Hugs*
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Claire M · 08 May
Ooh it makes me SO happy to see this much green!! Good job mate <3
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Rorschach T · 08 May
Thanks Claire *hugs back*
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Jeff M · 08 May
*Hugs*
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Rorschach T · 08 May
Thanks all
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Binky B · 08 May
No worries..so glad you were able to get out of this funk. What a relief! May your insight continue to provide clarity and perspective.
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Elizabeth M NEW · 08 May
*Hugs*
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Elizabeth M NEW · 08 May
I'm glad you're happy ??
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Cindy M · 08 May
*Hugs*
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DesBear D · 08 May
*Hugs*
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Mandy O · 09 May
So glad to see you happy I really am =D I was wondering where Stephen had gone. How come he was removed?! Come back from a hypomanic 8 days the other day and there's been so many things I've missed in such a short time lol
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Patrick A · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Stephen C · 09 May
I am so pleased you're 'going green' my friend! Every Panda everywhere is extra special to me because I understand how they feel because 'I am going through the grinder myself'! Take good care of yourself Rorschach and keep well. Big hugs
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Rorschach T · 09 May
Thanks Elizabeth.
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Rorschach T · 09 May
Hey Mandy, thanks for that. Stephen & I got in a little dust up and I put in a complaint to Chief Panda about it. I was angry and jumped the gun, I wish I had given each of us more time to sort it out before involving the Chief. I'd officially
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Rorschach T · 09 May
remove my complaint if I thought it would allow him back on Moodpanda. I don't like having this on my conscience.
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Rorschach T · 09 May
Thanks Stephen C. I really appreciate that. Sorry we aren't able to support you the same way you have supported us though, your profile is on 'private' mode (I'm sure you know that) so we have no idea what you are going through.
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Rorschach T · 09 May
(It's completely your right to have a Private account btw Stephen C, please don't think I was suggesting otherwise)
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Rikke B · 10 May
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 09 May 4
Good morning, but I think I hurt a friend. Feeling really bad. Hope it's just me oversensationalizing. Hope everything feels better tomorrow. Slept in living room chair 2nd half of last night. Oops.
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Jeff M · 08 May
*Hugs*
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Mandy O · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Margot L · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Anonmous A · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Rorschach T · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Binky B · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Christina E · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Cindy M · 09 May
*Hugs*
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Mandy O · 08 May 6
A little tired and feeling quite lazy today - just lay around but took myself for a little walk to the shop for a bottle of Coca Cola which my body keeps craving soooo bad! Mood feels ok n meds taken
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Cindy M · 07 May
*Hugs*
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Rachel C · 07 May
*Hugs*
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Love 1 · 07 May
sounds like a good day.
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Doodles B · 07 May
*Hugs*
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Mandy O · 08 May
Thank you everyone and yes Love1 much calmer and feel in control of my thoughts and feelings - accepting how I feel and really telling myself over and over every feeling is a part of me, a part of who I am - feelings pass peacefully when I accept :)
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Love 1 · 08 May
yes. it feels different saying I am sad, anxious, angry, etc. versus saying a part of me is sad, anxious, or angry. because there is also awareness,there maybe a part that is concerned, etc.
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Love 1 · 08 May
accepting, acknowledging, respecting all parts, especially the exiled and rejected parts helps us integrate all of who we are.
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Rorschach T · 08 May
*Hugs*
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Binky B · 08 May
*Hugs*
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Binky B · 07 May 6
Got through day fairly well, no big mistakes but one customer reaction that took me off guard, eliciting a strong emotional response from me but I didn't react. Realised what I should've said after...
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 Hug ( 5 )
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Binky B · 07 May
At the time I just accepted whatever the customer said, or rather didn't think to state my point of view, however minor. Only realised after, but it was too late. But it wouldn't really have changed anything, except he would have understood my facial
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Binky B · 07 May
Expression better and probably then stopped being offended. But he was ok without that. And he didn't need to understand fully. Why is that important to me? I needed to feel understood, but couldn't explain in the heat of the moment
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Binky B · 07 May
It was like my brain didn't kick into gear, I didn't even know what he was talking about, I just turned into a 'yes' woman apologising and accepting whatever he may have thought without question. Maybe that's the easy route out?
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Rorschach T · 07 May
*Hugs*
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Binky B · 07 May
A miscommunication turned into a 'clashing of icebergs'. I realise this doesn't make much sense to anyone, just for my benefit really. Anyway it's late. Good night!
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Binky B · 07 May
Oh and I was falling asleep on the tram home and missed my stop. And shiny happy people make me uncomfortable. And I am afraid to be happy. And I feel at risk of going a bit mental. Not a big risk, but I realise how delicate cognitive changes are...
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Binky B · 07 May
As in trying to rewire my brain. It's challenging the whole fibre of my being, and who I think I am...my core beliefs are starting to shake...feeling unstable. But things get worse before they get better. It's a part of the process.
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Binky B · 07 May
Hell, this is probably only the beginning. I'm probably kidding myself that I've made progress. Just scratching the surface. But, yes it is a start.
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Binky B · 07 May
Step 1: find external stimulus/information that resonates with self. Step 2: apply to self, experiences, events, and start piercing the puzzle together. Note: it may need untangling first. Wing pieces may be jammed together. Repeat.
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Binky B · 07 May
Wrong*
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Stephen C · 07 May
Blinky B - you make so much sense, I understand exactly what you say. You're being too hard on yourself as I am on myself. You are so correct about cognitive changes. I get affraid so much as I suffer mania/hypo-mania buts then
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Stephen C · 07 May
I suffer depression on the 'crash' realising I am misunderstood then comes the tears & apologies from me feeling my emotions & thoughts are completely wired wrong so I shut myself away & cry or sleep to avoid being happy again. Tk Care friend
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Mandy O · 07 May
*Hugs*
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Cindy M · 07 May
*Hugs*
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Claire M · 07 May
*Hugs*
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Love 1 · 07 May
I had a discussion about progress with my mentor yesterday. Often, real progress is precisely when we get to the point of disillusionment. I'm another context- meditation, progress is not measured by calm, but the deep seated cross that surfaces...
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Love 1 · 07 May
from the unconscious- the buried stuff, the emotions we've exiled, the truths we've ignored.... Corrections: In another context/dross that surfaces.
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Love 1 · 07 May
In other words, it starts to get messy and even ugly at times when we are making progress.
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Elizabeth M NEW · 08 May
*Hugs*
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Binky B · 10 May
Hi Stephen, apologies for my late reply. I think that sounds like a very tough process indeed, but it's good that you are aware of it instead of in denial. Thank you for sharing.
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Binky B · 10 May
Hi Love, I'm pretty sure I posted a response to this but for some reason it's not showing up! I've had the experience of crying when meditating many times. And I don't even meditate that much. What do you mean by dross? One time when I medidated
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Binky B · 10 May
I recognised the presence of a black mass of solid goo in my stomach area. This sounds quirky, but I guessed it must be a manifestation/result of my pent up emotions; turned inwards, turned toxic, debilitating. What can I do to release this?
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Love 1 · 10 May
dross can be anything: hidden trauma, conditioning, attachments, neuroses, fear...
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Love 1 · 10 May
There are visualization techniques where we imagine what youve described. We then use the same power of visualization to imagine a light casting out or dissolving it.
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Love 1 · 10 May
I have a friend who is a cardiologist. He gave me a book by Tulku Thondup. In The Healing Power of Mind, he describes the Tibetan approach to health. It details some of these techniques.
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Mandy O · 11 May
Very interesting Love1 - This is very helpful to read! X
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