4.8 avg
  511 days
  1670 hugs
  21 followers
My recent interaction with other MoodPanda users
John W · 2d 5
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Jen B · 3d
*Hugs*
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DesBear D · 2d
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Margot L · 2d
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paul M · 2d 5
Yesterday was good and productive. I wonder...D uses a lot of perfume. Is she depressed? She seems to be so cheerful most of the time.
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Cindy M · 3d
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Jen B · 3d
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Jeff M · 3d
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Kym S · 2d
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Manda P · 2d
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DesBear D · 2d
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Margot L · 2d
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Manda P · 2d 5
Feeling hopeful. Forgot to record another physically aggressive incident w/BF & in front of daughter. Yelling, screaming, kicking, hitting, shoved kitchen table, threw a drink that left a dent. I...
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Manda P · 2d
...obviously called my mental health center & was able to get an emergency appt w/psychiatrist this morning. He wanted to do Depakote which my oldest Panda friends may remember me having a bad reaction to & puking nonstop so I ended up in the ER.
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Manda P · 2d
Then he had the nerve to suggest Lithium again! You know, the one where I got severe Lithium toxicity & was hospitalized? No thanks. So here we are to day 1 at that place when they put me on Seroquel. I was either sleeping or a walking zombie the...
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Manda P · 2d
...whole time I was on it & I gained 50lbs! I said let's do it though. I need knocked out! BF cried yesterday over how mean I am to him. I wish he would understand it's my Disorder. I hate myself when I'm mean to him.
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Maite P · 2d
*Hugs*
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Jamie D · 2d
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Alicia B · 2d
Sorry to read you're feeling awful about yourself :( Sending you hugs
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DesBear D · 2d
*Hugs*
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Esther B · 2d
I'm sorry Manda you must be going through a difficult time. I'm sure you're doing your best when it comes to your family. I was a zombie with seroquel as well and I fainted constantly. How are you doing now.
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Bipolar Bear . · 2d
I'm so sorry Manda! Big hugs to you❤❤
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Margot L · 2d
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 2d
Thank you, Pandas. I don't take my Seroquel until bed. They only had one pill left at the pharmacy so I have to go back tomorrow. I have a feeling I'll be WAY too groggy & drive them to school. Thanks for the hugs. 💚
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Silke V · 3d 8
Showerd outside this afternoon, felt so good. After that we left. 452 more km to go. Boyfriend is driving all +900km as usual. Good thing he's a good driver!
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Zoe D · 3d
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Cindy M · 3d
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Margot L · 3d
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paul M · 3d
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Manda P · 2d
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Esther B · 3d 4
Cancelled football. Didn't feel well. Anxious to be surrounded by 50.000 men. Bad sign that I cancel the thing that I love most. Body feels tired though. Cancelled run as well.
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Lucy S NEW · 3d
*Hugs*
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Tuxi A · 3d
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Silke V · 3d
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Silke V · 3d
Hopefully tomorrow is a better day!
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Xavier M NEW · 3d
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Cindy M · 3d
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Margot L · 3d
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DesBear D · 3d
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John T · 3d
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John T · 3d
Maybe go to an lower league/semi pro/amateur match. Something about being stood out in the rain with a pint watching terrible players that is really soul stirring!
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Jeff M · 3d
*Hugs*
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Jeff M · 3d
Sometimes you have to listen to your body and rest, and that's ok. Sometimes you have to tell your body to suck it up and get out and do things to recharge your mind/soul. Hard to tell when, though.
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Esther B · 3d
I can imagine John! Too bad I didn't go. It was a champions league game :(
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John T · 3d
The 3 - 0 win?? Yep... Definitely curse of hindsight! Don't blame yourself, just enjoy the 3 points.
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Manda P · 2d
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 2d
It's good to take those breaks when you know you need them. Well done, Esther! xx
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Esther B · 2d
Yes John! I'm happy indeed. I will go to the next 2 games so will be fine :-)
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Esther B · 2d
Thanks Manda xo
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John T · 3d 2
Very disturbing thoughts last night. Went for a walk but still felt shit when I got back. Today has been a bit better. They are just thoughts. They'll pass. Still not nice thinking them. Taken tablets
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Kym S · 3d
*Hugs*
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paul M · 3d
*Hugs*
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sonny S · 3d
*Hugs*
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Esther B · 3d
Happy to see you're still around. And indeed they're still thoughts
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Bipolar Bear . · 3d
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Lucy S NEW · 3d
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Xavier M NEW · 3d
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Cindy M · 3d
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Margot L · 3d
*Hugs*
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John T · 3d
Thanks Esther, yes they are just thoughts and they're more or less gone now. I'll be a bit cautious for a few days and be back to normal. Thanks for the hugs!
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Alicia B · 3d
*Hugs*
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Alicia B · 3d
Glad you're doing better. Love how you handle that, in an almost scientific manner. Well done! Sending you love.
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Manda P · 2d
*Hugs*
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Esther B · 2d
Luckily they're gone. They can be quite upsetting.
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Etta B · 3d 6
Went to a Harry Potter wizard fest yesterday! First week of high school down!!! Now I just have to do my homework....
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Margot L · 3d
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 3d 1
I want to end it. The tears are pouring. My mind is going 800 million miles a second. I need to get the hell outta here but BF won't let me leave. Thinking up crazy plans like renting a car &...
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Manda P · 17 Sep
...are driving down to visit my parents. BF says no way & that we could even look into going down twice a year as a family like it's supposed to be. Cry cry cry die die die. Not even drinking.
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Manda P · 17 Sep
BF did give me a Klonopin. I won't remember any of this tomorrow. I asked for a sleeping pill but he refused. It's a really big deal that he gave me the Klonopin. He hates me taking those.
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Manda P · 18 Sep
I have no one to talk to. I called my (ex)stepdad last night & made plans to visit & go out to lunch on Wed. I don't want to bother him again tonight. I texted my one internet friend that I have her number but she hasn't replied. I want to call a...
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Manda P · 18 Sep
...helpline because I need help but I've done that before & they dispatched an ambulance & police. I snuck out of the apartment as they pulled up. BF REALLY doesn't want me to do inpatient but I've been on this Zyprexa steadily increasing the dose...
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Manda P · 18 Sep
...for well over a month & I'm still completely f*cked. I hate this. Basically a year long episode now. I forget what it feels like to be stable & am afraid I'll never get to feel it again. I need help. I wish I had a friend who I could call. I'm...
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Manda P · 18 Sep
...such a pathetic piece of sh*t. I truly hate myself. Disgusting sack of a royal b*tch that is useless & nothing but trouble. Opened a beer.
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Natalie C · 18 Sep
*Hugs*
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Natalie C · 18 Sep
So sorry you're feeling so low Manda ❤ I really wish I could be with you, to let you know your not alone & to tell you how proud I am that your still here battling through the episode💪
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Natalie C · 18 Sep
Please take care of yourself, I really worry about you. & if you ever need a friend to talk to we can speak on Instagram chat or swap emails 💕 xx
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Missy C · 18 Sep
*Hugs*
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Xavier T · 18 Sep
*Hugs*
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Bipolar Bear . · 18 Sep
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Bipolar Bear . · 18 Sep
Im so sorry you're feeling like this Manda! I wish I could hug you in person and tell you that you are a strong woman, you are a warrior! You are not useless and we love you! ❤
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John T · 18 Sep
*Hugs*
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Jeff M · 18 Sep
*Hugs*
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Jeff M · 18 Sep
Aw, Manda, sorry you had such a hard night. I really hope that things are better in the light of today. I know it's hard to remember, but you were in the green not so long ago. It is possible to not feel this bad! You can get there!
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Jeff M · 18 Sep
It may not seem like it now, but you're such a strong panda! Sending you my strength!
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Alicia B · 18 Sep
First, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, it sounds awful, and I wish I could help. Second, this is all very strange, why can't you go visit someone alone? Why can't you go to inpatient if you really need help, and it might help?
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Alicia B · 18 Sep
Is BF on a ***e watch with you, is that why he wants to be there? Sorry if this is too personal, you don't have to answer.
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DesBear D · 18 Sep
*Hugs*
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DesBear D · 18 Sep
❤️❤️❤️
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Margot L · 3d
*Hugs*
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nixiblu . · 3d
*Hugs*
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nixiblu . · 3d
Manda. You are NOT pathetic. I'm sorry I've only just seen this post. You do have friends here and I'm happy to hear your stepdad is still in your life. We are here for you. Big, solid hugs
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Manda P · 2d
Thank you SO much, my sweet Panda friends. All your words mean so much to me. I wish I could give you guys real hugs. @Alicia No, not ***e watch. More like he's afraid I'll never come back because it's how I left my abusive ex twice.
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Alicia B · 2d
Oh. Well, then he can't keep you on a leash, you're a grown-up woman. If he's not abusive he shouldn't worry, eh?
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Manda P · 2d
He's super insecure is what my psychologist said after years of discussing him in therapy. He really does keep me on a leash though. Only lets me leave for errands. If I'm upset & just want to go for a drive, he blocks the door & takes my keys.
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nixiblu . · 2d
Blocki
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nixiblu . · 2d
Blocking the door and keeping Locked in is coercive behaviour. I don't much like the sound of it. Stay safe Manda
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John T · 2d
One of the few times I've lost my temper 100% is when I was deliberately locked in the house as a teenager. Being locked up anywhere is one of the worst feelings I have. If you can talk to him about calmer than I would be able to, you're doing well.
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John T · 2d
I don't mean to stoke the fire, but I just hope you can make things better.
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Manda P · 1d
Thanks, nixi & John. He's been doing this ever since we've been together (over 13 years) & says it's for my own safety. I just need to get out to calm down & be able to come back for a productive conversation.
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Esther B · 16 Sep 3
Sad. Football didn't cheer me up. Wanna disappear.
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Penelope P · 15 Sep
*Hugs*
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Love 1 · 17 Sep
*Hugs*
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Esther B · 16 Sep
This has nothing to do with other ppl charly
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Manda P · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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DesBear D · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Tasha S · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Cindy M · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Silke V · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Margot L · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Lydia R · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Simone A NEW · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Robert H · 15 Sep
*Hugs*
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Charly P NEW · 15 Sep
*Hugs*
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Charly P NEW · 15 Sep
Don't feel discouraged about what people say or do. Just keep on living your life and forget them.
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John T · 16 Sep 5
My head is in a really weird place. Just been looking through 15 years of photos and thinking about what's different and what's not... Can't work out if I feel good or bad, just spun out. Taken tabs.
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Silke V · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Patricia S · 16 Sep
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Lydia R · 16 Sep
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Teressa R · 16 Sep
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Margot L · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Penelope P · 16 Sep
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paul M · 17 Sep
*Hugs*
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Alicia B · 17 Sep
*Hugs*
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Alicia B · 17 Sep
I've done that recently, too, as you know. It's very emotional. Extra hugs
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Natalie C · 17 Sep
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 17 Sep
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 17 Sep
That can definitely be good & bad. Neutral is a good reaction in my opinion. Just taking an inventory of your life.
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Silke V · 16 Sep 8
A good day
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Lydia R · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Teressa R · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Margot L · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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paul M · 17 Sep
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 17 Sep
*Hugs*
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Tasha S · 16 Sep 7
Get to spend the day off with Ryan ☺️❤️
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paul M · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Cindy M · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Cindy M · 16 Sep
:)
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Anna D · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Esther B · 16 Sep
Enjoy!
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Natalie C · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Lydia R · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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DesBear D · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Silke V · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Margot L · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Tasha S · 17 Sep
Thank you
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Alicia B · 17 Sep
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 17 Sep
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 16 Sep 3
Drinking. I was a month & a half sober. All bcuz of lack of access to the greenery medicine. Bought last month & this month's 6 packs. So disappointed in myself but I might as well get drunk. Stupid.
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Manda P · 16 Sep
Oh, I bought 4 new books in 2 different stores when I've been purchasing books strictly from Amazon for many years. Manic spending. Didn't even have enough of my own money. Used BF's credit card that l also have in my name. Not supposed to do that.
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DesBear D · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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DesBear D · 16 Sep
❤️
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Lydia R · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Lydia R · 16 Sep
1,5 month is a great accomplishment and you'll get there again and then it'll be an even longer time. Relapses are normal, so don't beat yourself up. 💕
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Nakila C · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Tasha S · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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paul M · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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paul M · 16 Sep
It happens. Now you can start again.
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Cindy M · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Cindy M · 16 Sep
Lydia and Paul are absolutely right. Be kind to yourself xx
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Natalie C · 16 Sep
That's a great achievement 🏆 really proud of you Manda😊. Dont worry about taking a break or giving yourself a few days off then carry on with the good work xx
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Margot L · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Jen B · 16 Sep
Echoing the comments about not beating yourself up. Lack of greenery can be so rough. ❤️
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Love 1 · 17 Sep
I feel crummy, too, when I indulge in an old habit I was trying to break. The pandas call for self-compassion and gentleness can be a balm to soothe the wound as we dust ourselves off and try again.
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Alicia B · 17 Sep
*Hugs*
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Alicia B · 17 Sep
They say if you slip up you don't go back to square one because you've got all of the experience and tools still with you. And you can get back on track easier this time. Big fluffy hugs
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Manda P · 17 Sep
Aw! You guys are THE ABSOLUTE BEST!!!! Thank you so much. I can really be a little kinder to myself now. I stopped at four & drank three last night. BF had one so I have four left.
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Manda P · 17 Sep
Hit enter too soon. I will try to limit it to two tonight & no more alcohol after that. I was hating myself with each sip.
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nixiblu . · 3d
*Hugs*
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Maite P · 16 Sep 5
Drop-dead exhausted (I've been up for 15 hours and sorely need to sleep). Had a nice day though, just struggling to keep my eyes open.
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Pen J NEW · 15 Sep
*Hugs*
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Lilypeace K NEW · 15 Sep
*Hugs*
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Charly P NEW · 15 Sep
*Hugs*
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Jen B · 15 Sep
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Margot L · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Anna D · 16 Sep
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Tasha S · 16 Sep 7
Good day off
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Lydia R · 15 Sep
*Hugs*
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paul M · 15 Sep
*Hugs*
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nixiblu . · 15 Sep
*Hugs*
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Margot L · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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DesBear D · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Maite P · 14 Sep 4
Mood keeps trying to drop, but I'm determined not to let it go too far. Took the evening off work and focussed instead on some anatomical studies to relax.
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Max T · 12 Sep
*Hugs*
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Robert H · 12 Sep
*Hugs*
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Margot L · 14 Sep
*Hugs*
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John T · 14 Sep 5
Thinking of people affected by hurricane Florence this evening, stay as safe as you can! Y'all need to rally round and help each other over the next few months. My day was ok. Taken tablets.
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John T · 14 Sep
It's *afternoon there...
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Ingrid S NEW · 14 Sep
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Bipolar Bear . · 14 Sep
*Hugs*
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Margot L · 14 Sep
*Hugs*
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Cindy M · 14 Sep
*Hugs*
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Tasha S · 15 Sep
*Hugs*
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Jen B · 15 Sep
*Hugs*
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Lydia R · 15 Sep
*Hugs*
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Kym S · 15 Sep
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 16 Sep
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 14 Sep 4
Parents & Sis over an hour apart but getting & going to get wrecked by Hurricane Florence. Sis already w/o power. Only strong winds at parents' so far, rain starting later. Trying not worry. Failing.
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Alicia B · 14 Sep
*Hugs*
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Alicia B · 14 Sep
Oh, no, that sounds terrifying… I wouldn't be able not to worry, either.
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Jeff M · 14 Sep
*Hugs*
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Jeff M · 14 Sep
I hope they all do ok! Losing power is expected, I guess...hope that's the worst of it for them!
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Manda P · 14 Sep
Thank you, Alicia & Jeff. 💖 Mom promises she'll keep me posted. Sis is conserving phone battery but checked in two hours ago & is ok. They are in Wilmington, NC & just a few minutes south of Myrtle Beach, SC. Not exactly the best locations for this.
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John T · 14 Sep
*Hugs*
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paul M · 14 Sep
*Hugs*
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Margot L · 14 Sep
*Hugs*
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Lydia R · 15 Sep
*Hugs*
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nixiblu . · 15 Sep
*Hugs*
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Esther B · 11 Sep 4
Going to psychiatric institution tonight. Feeling lost. Longing for connection with something or someone.
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John W · 09 Sep
*Hugs*
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Penelope P · 09 Sep
Please be safe sweet Esther and keep holding on. You will get better I am sure. Your Panda friends understand and are here for you anytime x
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Penelope P · 09 Sep
*Hugs*
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Lydia R · 09 Sep
*Hugs*
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Lydia R · 09 Sep
Really hope this will help you. Thinking of you! <3
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Cindy M · 09 Sep
*Hugs*
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Cindy M · 09 Sep
We do understand, dear Esther - been to that horrible place. Glad you will be safe and hope you get help and support you need. Keeping you in my thoughts xx
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John T · 09 Sep
*Hugs*
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Tasha S · 09 Sep
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 09 Sep
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 09 Sep
Thinking of you, dear Esther. This'll turn out great for you. I know it! xx
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Jeff M · 10 Sep
*Hugs*
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Jeff M · 10 Sep
I hope you're getting help, Esther, that they're able to give you ways to cope and get through these difficult days. Thinking of you a lot. I know there are people who care about you (like us!) and connect with you. You can do this...you're so strong
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Margot L · 11 Sep
*Hugs*
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Esther B · 15 Sep
Thanks a lot for your hugs and comments. I'm sorry that I didn't reply in a decent way. I owe you xoxo
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John T · 11 Sep 5
Tired but ok. Taken tablets.
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Zoe D · 10 Sep
*Hugs*
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Lydia R · 10 Sep
*Hugs*
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Teressa R · 10 Sep
*Hugs*
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Manda P · 10 Sep
*Hugs*
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Cindy M · 10 Sep
*Hugs*
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Kym S · 10 Sep
*Hugs*
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nixiblu . · 10 Sep
*Hugs*
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Maite P · 10 Sep
*Hugs*
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Jeff M · 10 Sep
*Hugs*
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Alicia B · 10 Sep
*Hugs*
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Margot L · 11 Sep
*Hugs*
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