MoodPanda Report

UserID From (min 26 May 2012) To

25 Apr 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
01:11	8	good chat with my friend. though I think it's time for bed.
09:33	8	Hellomorning today feels better somehow. I hope that doesn't get slammed in my face later..
19:03	8	started this knitting for the third time. it's going well so far which makes a dramatic change. :)
22:41	9	Russell Howards Good News was very funny as usual x :)
23:44	7	took a test online. political compass. apparently as time goes by I'm getting more and more leftist and more libertarian. Hm.

26 Apr 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
15:07	9

27 Apr 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
01:27	3	I don't know why I torment myself.
01:50	2	I dont want to relapse I don't want to be skinny I love being fat..... fuck.
10:23	6	Another dream about her..
11:24	5	Feeling exceptionally ugly. I would go get changed but apparently that's not going to help.
11:40	6	I often feel like living here Im too privileged whilst I know my family are struggling.
15:38	8	Excited for Free Comic Book Day next week :)
16:00	9	The prospect of playing Zelda cheers me up infinitely :3
19:43	5	I used to be a vegetarian and had to give it up so it's a relief that today was my first official day as a pescetarian.
21:47	5	Eaten too much today. feeling so sick with myself. I know I need to eat and stuff so I'll just ration it a little. no more snacks unless it's fruit zero negotiation.
23:48	7	Michael C Hall interviews are funny. Also feeling a bit better knowing I get control back tomorrow. new start. healthy lifestyle.

28 Apr 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
01:31	4
12:42	7	got to see my grandad this morning. Pyjama day I think... still need to tell my family I don't eat meat anymore. i don't think I can get away without saying anything not forever.
12:57	6	hm told my cousin. which is half the job done. she seems doubtful but it went down without a fuss.
18:34	5	feeling sick shouldn't have eaten that ice cream.
22:49	6	should go to bed I think. Need to go out tomorrow get the doctors sorted out - need support up here asap..

29 Apr 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
01:10	3	Don't you just hate it when you depress your friends and then they don't want to talk to you for a while.
01:37	2	It doesn't mean anything
13:05	7	Sorted out the doctors registration. bring on the swarm of appointments...
13:32	4	I am perfectly capable of feeding myself.
21:05	4	this low mood is wearing me down.. binging on ice-cream hasn't helped.
22:07	0	a spider just dropped from the ceiling and landed next to my face. excuse me whilst I have a panic attack and wake the whole house up

30 Apr 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
09:53	7	it takes a lot to wake me up on a morning. I feel dead
11:35	6	worried about a friend. from what she's said it sounds a lot like she's been SI'ing.
17:29	8	had a good day drawing and singing the bad feelings into submission.
20:48	7	Feel myself slipping. I want to be happy so freaking badly so why do I feel this way? it's not like I haven't been trying...
20:51	4	**Mistake on last post
21:56	2	are you kidding me...
22:24	0
22:58	1	Aside from feeling awful I'm totally fucking happy.

01 May 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
02:01	5	Had a long and emotional talk with my friend. I think we finally get each other. it's nice to share secrets
19:06	5	acting cheerful today. I feel close to tricking myself as well but underneath I know Ifeel broken still.
20:19	6	Monsters got me wired

02 May 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
00:36	4	it's always when I'm low that my creative output goes berserk. blank pages have never looked less empty.
15:32	8	Went out to Roundhay Park for a walk. it's so sunny and warm though I seem to be the only one in shorts and a vest. well anyway it was nice
20:16	7	spent most of this evening painting. it's finished but I see a lot of flaws so I'll have to go over parts tomorrow. I don't mind though :)

03 May 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
08:35	7	I have a doctors appointment this morning I should really get out of bed.
10:43	6	kind of anxiety ridden but my new doctor is really nice and I only had to repeat my choked out words like three times whilst I was there. which is good for me being highly socially inept.

04 May 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
08:41	6	Covered my box storageroom/bedroom in my art. I guess as long as it's over the Walls it doesn't matter that the rest is a dump site. it can still be a sanctuary.

05 May 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
15:50	5	Woke up this morning utterly fed up but recharged after being alone a few hours. I guess I'm fine.
16:42	1	More debating about Christmas. the parasite will be there and it's making me feel so torn. such an invasive and malignant infection... I need her to just disappear.

06 May 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
08:21	7	going to scarborough beach today. excited :)
18:08	8	had a great day at the beach with my family. Harrison got sand all over me within the first three seconds but we had fun. though that doesn't mean to say I'm not glad to be home and clean.
21:09	5	exhausted with a headache. also you know when you eat a meal and it's so awful that when you're done you want to be sick if only to reverse the fact it ever went in your mouth?

07 May 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
11:46	6	Wanting to hide away and paint but I've run out of White. of an entire city I'm stuck in one place. need paint and zero contact with humanity after that.
14:16	5	the cat's going to the vet later. :'( It probably sounds childish but I'm scared he might not come back.
18:29	4	R.I.P. Harvey. At least you're no longer suffering kitty <3 :'(
20:28	4	Feeling overly full. therefore feeling more disgusting than usual. ugh.
20:37	2	My sister has a habit of deleting my comments on Facebook. It shouldn't upset me but they were serious and my opinions it feels like she's disregarding them.
23:00	6	I freakin love cheese. I don't even know but it makes me feel better..x

08 May 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
13:23	5	everything reminds me of her.
19:55	8	My auntie surprised me with new paints! I'm so happy this is exactly what I needed x :)
22:09	3	shaking ugh overwhelmed..

09 May 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
14:50	7	looking forward to bringing home Dexter later our new Westie puppy (:
17:38	8	I'm like a child at Christmas waiting for the puppy. can't keep the grin off my face!

10 May 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
14:23	5	Feeling like I'm wasting my life right now. it's literally amounting to nothing..
18:19	5	Full of Chinese takeaway. it was fine I guess. I'm fine. .
21:20	0	I sent Anna a message. fuck
23:20	3	a friend calmed me down. as well as two hours of whispering to myself in the dark. I'm normal shut up.

11 May 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
16:11	4	how am I meant to be motivated or inspired in this dump site of a bedroom? I need the boxes gone or I might go mad. madder.
16:37	2
17:57	1	I have nowhere I actually belong.

12 May 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
12:24	8	Everything is going to be sorted today.

13 May 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
12:16	7	Making salmon dien papiot for dinner tonight. I always feel better when I'm in control of the cooking x
21:52	5	I'm so tired. in every possible sense.

14 May 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
13:03	7	I'm fine I guess but feeling so guilty for eating salmon for dinner last night. Ugh I know I'm meant to be pescetarian for a while but it's so hard...
21:24	8	Spent most of today painting and just had an hour laughing with my cousin. first real company I've had in over a month..x

15 May 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
12:20	4	Stressed because it's my dads birthday tomorrow and I've not sent his card yet. where the hell does time go when you're not looking?
14:10	7	card is in the post and I've calmed down by browsing vegan and vegetarian cookbooks. I might buy one when my money comes through x
20:02	2	ew ah no fuck I ate two tea cakes and just realised that they're fucking marshmallows I want to be sick....
22:16	1	I need to learn when to shut my mouth.
22:45	1	six months broken. hello old friend. goodbye blood stained clothes which I can't wash in case they're seen. fml...

16 May 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
09:00	0
11:14	4	Woke up badly this morning and had a bit of a breakdown. I guess Im over it maybe today can be okay...
15:45	6	Feeling pretty empty. I should go out before it gets too suffocating..
18:41	4	Why does my life revolve around food?
21:04	3	I dont even know any more. someone give me a drug to make me sleep I wont have to face this any more.
22:23	1

17 May 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
11:27	5	I want to be asleep still. ugh not looking forward to today a great deal.
13:15	3	Stomach feels so heavy. I'm going for a walk...
16:22	7	Ordered some things on Amazon :) Things are a bit better. feeling hungry and resisting a binge. ugh also Chinese tonight. might say I'm in the mood for something else.
18:35	3	How am I even hungry I had half of a pizza earlier...
19:29	1	I think my family are noticing
22:34	1	Not feeling this. Why can't I just keep my hands off the stupid food just fml..

18 May 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
12:31	5	Going to do better today. definitely no cookie binge tonight.
13:05	2	Okay going for a walk. It seems like the only thing that takes away the heaviness
15:10	8	Speed walk for 95 minutes around the park<3
16:16	4	freezing.
17:22	2	Feeling pressure from family about denying fish for dinner.
19:45	8	Doctor Who was incredible. cannot wait for the next series
23:34	3	Feeling strong and weak at the same time. Resiting a binge...

19 May 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
02:09	1	Anxiety kicking in about what Im going to do tomorrow since I have to stay in all day. Dont know how to deal with this right now so Im just going to sleep. Hopefully forever.
13:40	2	cravings won't stop and everyone is pressuring me to eat. I had lunch what more do you want from me?!
18:58	0	Let me just die so I dont have to feel this..

20 May 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
04:08	3	well I'm awake for good. why do I have to dream about her? is this really never going to end? I miss her so much..
08:17	1	I feel so sick.
14:35	3	Today just feels like a prolonged binge. kill me.
18:44	0	I hate myself so much. I'm so disgusted
20:03	1	This day long binge ends now. Planning tomorrow in advance and I wont stray from it. Need control in some way...

21 May 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
10:22	5	New day. this time will be better
12:06	7	Vegetarian cookery book came in the post! Its massive and really nice :)
12:47	1	Feeling full and sick and so want to purge right now. :(
18:32	2	Feeling like I'm going to binge so badly... )':
23:11	2	Over 1000kcal b/p so much for planning=control. tomorrow I have Chinese takeout for dinner which I can't avoid.

22 May 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
17:00	4	Today's been a cycle of b/p'ing and exercise. I'm exhausted and it's not even time for dinner. I hate this but at least my family aren't questioning me any more...
21:07	0	:'(

23 May 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
10:44	4	I want to stay in bed all day. I don't want to binge or purge or cut. I just want to lay here for once..
18:31	0	I can't do this today. broken down too many times I can't wait to be asleep again. consciousness is too painful
20:23	1

24 May 2013

Time	Happiness	Reason?
13:45	5	Today I'll eat my meals and I refuse to let it turn into binging. starting Monday I can restrict for a few weeks so I need to get out of this disgusting cycle. new beginning xx