I'm a bit weird as it's a full moon and I'm in the middle of lady business. Feel detached and confused. Final week before I start new job. My friend understands. Will read tomorrow when hopefully I'll be thinking clearer.
Week 6 running, hope to be able to do at least one session out in public again.
Woot! Week 6!
Things ok with M, he always makes me laugh without fail every day. That's something to value despite all my other needs that aren't met. Suppose we can never have perfection. Slowly coming to terms with starting new job. I'm okay but only okay.
Well done on completing week 5! That's awesome!
I've rented for many years & know that most landlords do not spend money on their property unless it's totally the last resort. But they like to scoop in your extortionate rent every month. Especially mean when a lot of us have no choice but to rent.
It's annoyed me now because I know it's just going to keep on happening.
And I also wanted to say that it may be great that I have got a job but understand that this takes me further away from any future living together with M. He's not going to want to move to the area where my job is and the commute is hard as it is.
I can't move in with him now because it is just too far away to making commuting doable. Nearly two hours each way on a good day. Wherever he finds a new house is not going to be in this city anyway. I think we'll fizzle out.
I can't keep going to his every weekend because the backwards and forwards on top of new job is just going to stress me out too much. I want to run away and never come back. I say this all the time thought, and funnily enough it never happens.
That sounds rough. I hope you can somehow get it sorted.
So who are they contacting? M is being his usual unsupportive self. I just get nothing but wise cracks and simplicity from him. I'm not really that happy at all to be honest.
Always the way, I have zero faith in doctors I'm afraid. The good news is I got over half way on the couch to 5k. But the next session is running 20 minutes non stop. I only just got through 8 minutes without collapsing. Dreading it.
Because I have no job and basically no future then I'm feeling very much not myself. Again, I have no clue who I am or what I'm meant to be doing. Running anywhere is definitely not like me at all. Anyone else feeling this way?
Aim for 20, but don't feel bad if you only get to 10. The challenge is only a guide and it is best to do at own pace. But if your knee is injured it might be better to have a rest day?
I hear you nixi, but I'm hoping this running (or fast walking more like) is actually strengthening up my leg muscles. I do not get any pain during or after and it maybe psychological but I feel moving the knee is better than sitting and it seizing.
It does give me a slight boost when I've completed a stage. I plan to rest tomorrow. I've just got two in already this week because I am going to stay at M's so won't get chance later in the week. We shall see.
Told mother and she says “well I've never been able to bend my knees or kneel down” blah blah blah. She had a serious car accident in her 20s which shattered her knee. I have no excuse. Then it's “well you fell down the stairs sleepwalking as a kid”
Like, I was perfectly fine after that but if she was that bothered why didn't she get me checked out. It's as if I'm so weak and why can't I just put up with it. Makes me mad.
I feel slightly hopeful that July might be better. I have plucked up the courage to get my knees looked at. Next I might take a look and see if there's any jobs out there. And throughout all this the overwhelming feeling is ignore, run away, hide 😂
I am just letting this time slip away. Being lazy, overwhelmed and unmotivated. I just want to sleep and hope it all goes away.
Hope things look up for you soon. I would definitely not risk injuring your knee even more.
Which is a terrible thing to think when I now have the man of my dreams. Also down about my new job which hasn't yet materialised. No motivation to find another or do anything really. Also, did I say I'm too hot???
Sending you much love and the BIGGEST COMFOETING HUGS MY DEAR FRIEND. ❤
sorry for the typo...SENDING YOU THE BIGGEST COMFORTING HUGS MY DEAR FRIEND ❤
Hope you are able to call soon. You deserve to feel better.
Once back home a squirrel came into my garden and stared at me. I don't know if he was my spirit animal though, he moves much faster than me 😂
I really want to try this but I don't want to deal with the disappointment of giving up.
Manda I hear you. I'm likely to give this up because my knees are crook and this really doesn't help. Considering going to doctor even though they've been bad for decades. I've put weight on over lockdown which also doesn't help. Quite scared really.
Well done. I'm glad you continued
Thanks dear nixi 😊
the squirrel sees everything
😯 corrado 😂
My knees are not doing well, either, so I've switched to cycling. They say it's less impactful.
Thank you all x
And yes, happy at the moment is only 7 just because of all the other strain this lockdown has caused.
I know exactly. The American came over 2 weeks ago for the weekend. It was wonderful . But could be months till we meet again
So happy for you. Big hugs.
Why will you give up?
Also, telling, someone provides motivation and accountability so that you continue. You obviously started it for some reason. X
I'll give up nixi because I have zero will power and never finish anything I start!
Perhaps you changed a habit.
I've faith in you
I've been thinking of starting that. I can't stick with anything either.
Manda, I've just completed day one of week two even on the worst day of the month if you know what I mean. It wasn't great but I'm not a wheezing, sweating mess. Really, if I can do it then anyone can because I'm like a doddering retired cart horse 😂
The main battle is with the will power. I could have just skipped today because of the lady things, rolled further under the duvet and quit. But I pushed through. Just depends how tough it gets and whether I still do it on my down days.
Well done for sticking with it! That's really great. I can barely walk on the treadmill for 10 minutes.
Thought I was starting June a little bit hopeful. That lasted less than 12 hours. Seems like this month is going to be as shtty as normal.