Went to a country show and saw “sheep show”. If ever you are lucky enough to see these marvellous creatures “dancing” around the UK then do so. Schedule is on the sheep show website.
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Starting to feel like I'm in a better place. But for how long? Been here many times before.
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Better weather helps. New job is fine but lots of new people to meet which stresses my social phobias. Things with M easier and we are back to laughing a lot.
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Got through first full day in the office. Lots of info. Day dragged and quite tired now. Glad to work from home for other two days.
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Start new job tomorrow but change of plan as I will be working from home all week. May be normal from next week. Lady business here so feeling fatigue.
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Need to write down things. Stop procrastination.
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Haven't posted in a few days. Things might slightly be improving. I start my new job in two weeks and it's helping young people with their mental health so I will be doing something worthwhile. Feel like it will help me turn a corner in my own state of mind. And it's not payroll, hoorah!

Doing some adhoc work on Thursday which is numbers but I can cope with numbers for one day a month! Tomorrow is job centre, oh what joy. But for the last time and hopefully it will be empty again.

20 Jun 2021

The job sounds great 😃

20 Jun 2021

You got this.

20 Jun 2021

Sounds like an awesome job.

21 Jun 2021

Congratulations!

21 Jun 2021

Thanks everypanda x

21 Jun 2021

Well done, Pen

21 Jun 2021

Thanks Esther 💚 and all for the hugs

23 Jun 2021
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Went round a stately home for free today, thanks to the lottery. Have a headache now so just resting on the bed with some Jakob Ahlbom. Space on my own. New moon vibes.
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I have been offered a job after initially being turned down. These things mess with your confidence and belief in yourself. Anyway, it should be okay and I am sure I can make it my own. M still being an arse. Anyone would think he was the one on a period.
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Started lady business. M deliberately provokes and tries to get a reaction from me. Mocks my spare tyre. Says pointless stuff just to get a reaction when silence would be much better. Part of me hates being here. I have nowhere else to go. But it shouldn't be this way so soon.

He sounds like a proper ***, Pen. Do some nice things for yourself

06 Jun 2021

Are you sure he is for you? It sounds like you deserve so much more. X

07 Jun 2021
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Failed another interview. Not that bothered but it just gives M more ammunition to criticise and belittle me with. This is turning into a very strange and strained relationship. Not how I envisaged. Had my second vaccine shot.
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Had a good meeting for my casual work, going to be under trading allowance so no need to declare the earnings. Met a friend for coffee. M and I getting on okay. I still feel stable. Mum is 80 today!
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Still feeling a bit better than before. Started taking vit c and agnus castus. Have no idea if it helps, will only know if I maintain this good mood. Completed application to go back to civil service.
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Got through interview and then got rained on. Don't want the job but I went.
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Got seven hours to myself! Had hair done, got some new supplements and visited a friend. Felt good to be back in town despite distancing not easy. Time on my own though, wow.
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Contacted old colleague and got a small bit of work from him. M not interested. Then found out I've got an interview for another job next week. M mildly interested. Never rains but it pours.

I don't really want either job if I'm honest. Feel forced into things yet again just to stop the sniping and nagging and undercurrent of nastiness and disappointment he has in me. I need a change of outlook but it's hard to get enthusiastic.

13 May 2021
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Totally alone.. even though I live with someone.
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He went to see his ex this afternoon and now the texting pings are really getting me down. Why can't he just forget about her?

She had asked if I was going to visit with him! Wtf? Unfortunately for her I'm severely allergic to cheats.

09 May 2021

Sorry to hear Penelope. Strength.

13 May 2021
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