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  987 days
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Made it to clarinet choir rehearsal yesterday! I felt emotionally spent when I got home though and the depression started setting in again. I took Valium and Stelazine and a quick nap feeling better.
corrado M
10h ·

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Max T
8h · 1+ YEAR

Great that you play an instrument! I find playing music really helps my mood

Max T
8h · 1+ YEAR

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Good grief could my mood just STOP doing this?
me M
6d · 1+ YEAR

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Ida T
6d ·

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corrado M
6d ·

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D C
6d ·

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nixiblu .
6d · HERO

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Manda P
6d · LEGEND

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Today was... ACTUALLY a good day. Maybe it's restarting my supplements. Maybe the Fisher Wallace Stimulator is finally working. I don't know... But I'm not complaining!!!
me M
7d · 1+ YEAR

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corrado M
6d ·

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corrado M
6d ·

that is great

Albertine M
6d · LEGEND

Good news! Whatever works:)

Manda P
6d · LEGEND

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Manda P
6d · LEGEND

👍

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Feeling oddly positive and energetic... Got a response from my psych. ECT is officially off the table with her. I am welcome to get a second opinion..... Continued in comment...
Michael W
7d · HERO

But I think the best thing for me is to stay the course of treatment, don't screw with my meds, and stick with her, because u can't imagine starting over new with someone unfamiliar especially in the acute condition I'm in now.

Max T
7d · 1+ YEAR

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Manda P
6d · LEGEND

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Feeling semi normal this morning. Managed to fight off quite a lot of depression yesterday. I think Valium had to do with it.
Michael W
7d · HERO

I'm going to try to not take Valium today if I can help it because I want to see if this Fisher Whitacre Stimulator is actually working or not.

corrado M
7d ·

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Shania M
7d ·

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Shania M
7d ·

Good for you

Raisa C
7d ·

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Jen D
7d ·

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Manda P
7d · LEGEND

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0 Michael W
16 Feb 2020 · HERO
No response from psychiatrist. No hope. I have some plans that are virtually failproof. If I can help it, I don't plan to be here much longer than it will take to get the supplies I need.
Jake M
16 Feb 2020 ·

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Faith D
16 Feb 2020 · NEW

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nixiblu .
7d · HERO

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nixiblu .
7d · HERO

Hey Michael. When things are this low they can only get better. Hang in there please

Michael W
7d · HERO

This was a fleeting moment. I took some Valium and used my Fisher Wallace Stimulator and felt a little better. For the most part yesterday was much better than any day I've had in the past few weeks.

Manda P
7d · LEGEND

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4 Michael W
15 Feb 2020 · HERO
Sent a text if desperation to my psychiatrist. Things are getting worse day by day and I have no control over it.
me M
15 Feb 2020 · 1+ YEAR

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Manda P
15 Feb 2020 · LEGEND

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Manda P
15 Feb 2020 · LEGEND

I hope you hear back from them soon!

Natalie C
15 Feb 2020 · GUARDIAN

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corrado M
15 Feb 2020 ·

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Ida T
16 Feb 2020 ·

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6 Michael W
14 Feb 2020 · HERO
Feeling somewhat chipper this morning but I know it's very short lived. In a matter of minutes to hours I will be back in my dark place again thinking about de@th.
Albertine M
14 Feb 2020 · LEGEND

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Albertine M
14 Feb 2020 · LEGEND

Hope you can keep chipper a bit longer

Angel H
14 Feb 2020 · NEW

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Sara B
14 Feb 2020 ·

Same , this is being bipolar . I took medication and felt better . Still stuggelinb but less than before

Sara B
14 Feb 2020 ·

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Mood P
14 Feb 2020 · NEW

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Aiden J
14 Feb 2020 ·

I understand how your feeling mate I felt the same as you today but thought it I wasn't around then I'll miss out on life and all the good things to come if there is such thing as a good life 😿

corrado M
14 Feb 2020 ·

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Manda P
14 Feb 2020 · LEGEND

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Michael W
15 Feb 2020 · HERO

It's a daily cycle with me, and the happy time is getting shorter, and the depressed time getting longer and more intense day by day. I texted my psychiatrist begging for ECT or something equally as efficacious.

Michael W
15 Feb 2020 · HERO

We'll see if she responds as she Is constantly up to her ears in patients. She is severely overworking herself. She has no time to take care of herself or take care of her patients adequately anymore.

Michael W
15 Feb 2020 · HERO

But I've been seeing her for a long time and starting over new with another psychiatrist I don't think is the answer right now. It'd take months to get an appointment and months to years for them to properly assess me as being severe enough for ECT.

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3 Michael W
13 Feb 2020 · HERO
I stopped using my Fisher Wallace Stimulator and stopped feeling as deplorable (still feel pretty bad though). I think I'm going to send it back. All it did was give me headaches.
Michael W
13 Feb 2020 · HERO

Have a therapist appointment in about 45 minutes, and it takes about that long to get there. If I leave now I'll make it, but I'm feeling too anxious to leave the house. And too down.

Max T
13 Feb 2020 · 1+ YEAR

Hope you made your appointment, Michael. Stay strong.

Manda P
14 Feb 2020 · LEGEND

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Michael W
14 Feb 2020 · HERO

I didn't make my appointment but I did reschedule it for next week. I keto doing this... I used my Fisher Wallace device for the first time in several days this morning. Had to replace the sponges. Didn't even notice the flashing in my periphery.

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3 Michael W
09 Feb 2020 · HERO
Using my new Fisher Wallace Stimulator for the 3rd night. So far I feel worse...
Robert H
09 Feb 2020 · GUARDIAN

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corrado M
09 Feb 2020 ·

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Manda P
09 Feb 2020 · LEGEND

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6 Michael W
02 Feb 2020 · HERO
Out of the hospital from a serious 5u1c1d3 attempt... Took 750 mg Librium. Activated charcoal is heretofore the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted. Feeling better now.
Michael W
02 Feb 2020 · HERO

I'm lucky to have the mother and friend I have. They took turns staying with me, my friend at night and my mom during the day. The hospital psychiatrist said I may have borderline personality disorder rather than bipolar disorder.

Michael W
02 Feb 2020 · HERO

This new diagnosis is illuminating in both a good and a bad way. I'm to follow up with my psychiatrist, which I'm reluctant to do after my last experience with her dismissing me and the office staff scolding me for taking to long when I took 30 min.

corrado M
02 Feb 2020 ·

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Manda P
02 Feb 2020 · LEGEND

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Manda P
02 Feb 2020 · LEGEND

Oh, wow. Sorry to hear this. I'm glad you're ok though.

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8 Michael W
15 Jan 2020 · HERO
Super mood rebound from ***al depression! Not good as it will eventually crash back into depression but I'm not complaining about feeling happy for once!
corrado M
15 Jan 2020 ·

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corrado M
15 Jan 2020 ·

that's nice to read!

Manda P
16 Jan 2020 · LEGEND

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Bea M
17 Jan 2020 ·

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3 Michael W
09 Jan 2020 · HERO
Waiting at my psychiatrist's office. It's going to be a late night. The waiting room is crowded af.
Luke G
09 Jan 2020 ·

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Maria K
09 Jan 2020 · 6+ MONTHS

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corrado M
09 Jan 2020 ·

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Albertine M
09 Jan 2020 · LEGEND

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Albertine M
09 Jan 2020 · LEGEND

Hope it was helpful

Manda P
09 Jan 2020 · LEGEND

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Spacekitten V
09 Jan 2020 · 1+ YEAR

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4 Michael W
08 Jan 2020 · HERO
Went to the ER a few nights ago. They patted me on the back and sent me on my way without so much as changing my meds. Just a wasted $300 copay.
corrado M
08 Jan 2020 ·

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Spacekitten V
08 Jan 2020 · 1+ YEAR

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Manda P
08 Jan 2020 · LEGEND

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Spacekitten V
09 Jan 2020 · 1+ YEAR

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0 Michael W
02 Jan 2020 · HERO
Well ***... There it is again. I'm seriously thinking about going inpatient... I can't handle this constant, rapid, sudden ups and downs. It's killing me.
Michael W
02 Jan 2020 · HERO

I'm so infuriated with my brain, my meds, everything. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of fighting. I'm just about done. But I know my mom would probably take her life too if I took mine. I don't want that. I wish I had simply never been born.

Michael W
02 Jan 2020 · HERO

My brothers keep telling me I wasn't planned. My mom says that's bs. I don't think I was meant to be. I truly believe my existance is an anomaly.

Michael W
02 Jan 2020 · HERO

I don't relate to hardly anyone, and those with whom I relate I barely relate I feel. Yet so many people who know me have such good things to say about me. I think they feel sorry for me.

Michael W
02 Jan 2020 · HERO

A guy I was interested in told me in a breakup email (we lived in different states) that I have 'kicked puppy syndrome' or something like that. Like I'm too fragile to be f*cked or taken seriously as a sexual partner. Too f*ucking fragile.

Michael W
02 Jan 2020 · HERO

Maybe that's why people always compliment me or are nice to me (except the ones who aren't, and that's probably the way it should be with everyone interacting with me...)

corrado M
02 Jan 2020 ·

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Ian D
02 Jan 2020 · 6+ MONTHS

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Ian D
02 Jan 2020 · 6+ MONTHS

Hang in there. Have you got someone who you can talk to?

corrado M
02 Jan 2020 ·

talk to us

Manda P
02 Jan 2020 · LEGEND

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Manda P
02 Jan 2020 · LEGEND

Do you go to therapy? It would really help you out to talk about all this. No one is too fragile to be cared about.

Michael W
08 Jan 2020 · HERO

I do go to therapy. I have an appointment on the 14th. My apologies for the angry post.

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7 Michael W
01 Jan 2020 · HERO
Happy new year everyone! 🎉🎊😀
corrado M
01 Jan 2020 ·

Happy new year Michael

Penelope P
01 Jan 2020 · LEGEND

Happy New Year to you!

Robert H
01 Jan 2020 · GUARDIAN

Happy New Year!

Shelley H
01 Jan 2020 · HERO

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Manda P
01 Jan 2020 · LEGEND

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Manda P
01 Jan 2020 · LEGEND

Happy New Year, mik! Hope 2020 is your best year yet!

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8 Michael W
26 Dec 2019 · HERO
Had a great Xmas and wonderful time spent with family. I hope everyone has a good holiday and a happy new year!
Jen B
26 Dec 2019 · HERO

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Snail M
26 Dec 2019 ·

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corrado M
26 Dec 2019 ·

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Manda P
26 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

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Manda P
26 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

Same to you, mik!

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0 Michael W
23 Dec 2019 · HERO
I wish I had some secobarbital.
Robert H
23 Dec 2019 · GUARDIAN

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Keara B
23 Dec 2019 ·

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corrado M
23 Dec 2019 ·

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Manda P
23 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

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0 Michael W
23 Dec 2019 · HERO
Maybe I was never meant to be happy. Feeling very impulsive and ***al, not two things that go well together. I'm terrified of going to the ER or going inpatient. I've heard horror stories...
Keara B
23 Dec 2019 ·

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Keara B
23 Dec 2019 ·

Hang on there. I know nothing i can say will ease your the emotions that you are feeling but try to remeber that you can survive anything for just one night. Try to trick yourself into thinking its only one night.

Keara B
23 Dec 2019 ·

You may not feel like this now but you are more powerful than you think. The fact that you recognize your abilities and emotions is a form of pure strength.

Manda P
23 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

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Manda P
23 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

Keara gives good advice. Take it one step at a time. You'll get through this.

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0 Michael W
22 Dec 2019 · HERO
It's back.
corrado M
22 Dec 2019 ·

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Anna D
22 Dec 2019 · 1+ YEAR

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Manda P
22 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

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