H F - good to see a post, but so sorry you're feeling like this. Hope you can hang in there. Love xxx
Aw, H F. I'm sorry to see you feeling so down. Don't give up. Health & happiness are in the future. Lots of love to you. ❤️
Thank you everyone hugs back
Thank you very much Albertine. Have you changed your name? I haven't been on here much and I can't seem to recall the name Albertine. Love and hugs
Thank you so much Manda, it means a lot. I pray so. Lots of love to you too
for me that is.
Shout out to my Panda Friends (you know who you are) for all your support.
Well, speaking personally, alcohol is a helpful crutch. I enjoy it and use it (and am careful not to abuse it). I don't think it's terribly unhealthy. We all do what we need to do to get by. Big hugs, HF!
beautiful eyes again on this earth. The finality. Just like a human but better than most in my opinion. Why is this life so hard and so painful at times.
So sorry about your cat. But maybe you will have another nice cat with beautiful eyes. I know it's hard for you.
I'm sorry you lost your friend. Think of how thankful you are for the time spent together. I know it must be hard though.
Pets are pure love. Hard to lose them, but they're a reminder of how good souls can be. And even though yours can't be replaced, you can rescue another needy kitty who will give you love too, I hope! When you're ready...
Big hugs HF💕, I'm sorry you have lose your best friend☹. Just think of all the happy times shared & maybe have your favourite ones in pretty frames . Hopefully seeing those memories will one day make you smile again x
Glad you got out! Hope it helped xx
through this all. Someone to hold us and say it's going to be all right. Someone to love and comfort us.
Sending so much love. You are never alone.
So hate seeing you so low, HF...Thinking of you and sending you strength...
Thank you all, hugs back
Thank you for the kind thoughts and strength, I really need them
Sorry Jeff, the above post was for you
The loss of my first dog shook me for months. I totally understand and wish I could offer more than hugs...
else that is happening - very serious stuff. Our family cat has been my emotional support especially for the last two years since we received life changing news. She has been there to love me at all times and give me strength. Her loss is devastating
And I am broken.
I'm so sorry, HF! It's always terribly sad to lose a sweet pet, but to have that happen at such a low, difficult time is so much worse. I hope you have people to help you through these difficult times and be there for you. We're here as well!
Good to see you back here HF. Sending much love and hugs your way. PPx
So sorry HF❤💐, it's always hard saying goodbye to our beloved furry friends, especially when they have been through the good & the bad times. Thinking of you & sending love your way xx
Thank you Jeff, yes it is all so very hard. I have a few people, but they too are going through the same hard times and don't have the strength necessarily to give support (even I feel the same at times) because we are mostly emotionally spent.
Jeff: Our beautiful cat was able to still be the joy in our lives, the one who would love and comfort everyone despite her own health issues and age. It's extremely hard to think we won't ever see her on Earth again 😢😢😢.
Jeff: Yes, You and our other Panda friends do make a positive difference, thank you. Hugs
Hello Penelope, ah thank you my friend, much love and hugs back
Thank you Natalie, yes indescribably hard... Our Precious Cat walked into our lives when we had just relocated to another country. She made our house a home and continued to do that in her 20 years. We still all believe that she was the best thing to
Natalie: happen to us here... love and hugs back
Thank you Reba, Hugs
H F!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖 How are you, old friend? We've missed you! Hope you stick around. Pandas are great for feeling better. We're here for you. xx
<3 back atcha, HF. I hope you're ok.
Great to see a post tho sorry you're feeling so low. Been thinking of you - you were missed! xx
and I think I should go see someone although I'm not sure it would help.
My self esteem is non existent and I feel I am unworthy of being here.
Aw, so sorry to see you're suffering, HF, my friend! Please see the appointment as a gift to yourself, or your future self. Yes, it will help you if you let it. Please take that step to reach out to someone and see how you can feel better!
Hi, my love, H F. I'm glad that you came back. We've missed you! Those are a lot of Depression thoughts & feelings. You would start to feeling much better if you do make an appointment. I know it's super scary but it is so so worth it. Stay with us..
...& make that appointment. All my love. 💞
We are all worthy of being here, no matter who we are. We must go through rough paths in order to get to happiness. Seeing someone would not hurt you, it can only help you. Doing something is much better than doing nothing
I KNOW I will not want to live anymore but I am going to exist somehow with this pain.
Sounds like you are going through a really tough time. Call a helpline or speak to a friend or family member about how you are feeling. Wishin* you all the best.
Wow, HF, I don't know what this time is, but I am so sorry! I will be sending you my thoughts and prayers and all the strength I can. You are not alone...people care about you and want to help you through tough times! *Huge Hugs*
I'm so sorry, HF - sending love and strength, will keep you in my thoughts. xx
<3 <3 all the hugs!
I am sorry that things are so bad for you. I hope it will get better...
I am sorry you are going through such a hard time, H F. I'll be thinking of you. xx
Thank You my Panda Friends
Like punishing myself like cutting a finger off.
I know this sounds strange and I am aware this is not normal but I really want to.
I don't want to be here anymore
H F can you seek help urgently? Your doctor or a helpline? Please don't harm yourself. You are too special.
Really hoping you are okay. Thinking of you xx
I hope you are ok, H F. You definitely need to call someone when you have those feelings. There are people that can help. Thinking of you! 💖
Lots of love your way. You can hold on ❤️
Thinking of you, HF. Hope you're OK!
Thank You Noel, You are very kind. I survived
Thank You Tasha and Michelle, Hugs
Thank You Cindy, I am okay at the moment, Hugs
Great H F I am glad you are safe. Please do seek help that may prevent you feeling so low in the future. Best wishes, Noel
Thank You Manda, I am okay at the moment, Hugs 💛
Thank You DesBear, I managed to hold on, Hugs, lots of love my Friend
Thank You Dear Jeff, I am currently okay, Hugs
Awesome that you managed to resist the urge during a moment of intense suffering and desperation. As strong as the urge was, something stronger resisted and demanded restraint. Something to celebrate.
Thank You Love, I pray that will continue
Me, too. Next time the urge comes, as it may, you will have had this positive experience- knowing that it will pass. Perhaps you can embrace this part that wishes to do self harm. It is the part of the self that is suffering and needs compassion.
Yes... maybe I can learn to so I can survive. My self compassion has taken a nh
huge dive and I am struggling to feel like I deserve anything.
The ego, or little self, tries very hard to protect what it thinks needs defense. It is sincere, but it is assuming a function it cannot perform. If you seek guidance from ego, you will continue to suffer. The suffering, however, may be for your good
For when we have had enough and feel defeated and are humbled and receptive, thirsting for something else, desperate for something else, willing to let go, we grow out of suffering
The little self does not know the way, but your Inner Guide does. The little self is not author of reality, but the author of misery. Acknowledging its limitations and ignorance, with compassion, is a step forward.
If you direct your attention to your breath, you can control it to a degree. Ask your little self to hold it indefinitely- it cannot. You did not create the breath, your lungs, the diaphragm, the brain that sends the signal to the diaphragm to contra
Yet this amazing function continues automatically. If little self had to perform this function, it might try to be the best or create a breath that was prettier or worthier or deserving. Breath is one of many functions that occur automatically:
Heartbeat, ph balance, digestion, cell replication, oxygen exchange, immune function are others of many. At this level, there is predictability, stability, harmony. Ego had NOTHING to do with this not with the perfect composition of air, water, soil,
which sustain life, the perfection of the solar system, galaxies, universe or, @the sub atomic level, the laws that govern quarks. Yet, ego has dominion over mind & the experience of mind, which it does not rule well. We can relieve it of this burden
I trust that the Universe does not need my help. I surrender to the Mystery that created me. I cannot fathom it's understanding, but I trust it. Retiring ego,
Thank You Love
Your spirit is truly SAFE and ok. Wishing you peace
to feel relief. I have had an urge to self harm this way but never have done it. I didn't even know that other people actually did this.
It's just a thought. We all feel bad time to time- hopeless, defeated, aimless... (I feel like some uplifting music should go here followed by something inspirational), but id rather give you a hug. A real one.
Thank you very much love, I need one or probably many. Yes it is just a thought but unfortunately it has predominated and I fear this will only continue. I wish I could save myself but not sure I can.
I mean Love with a capital
The future is really intimidating. It's vast and scary, and we can't help but project our present on the future and assume it will always be this way. Sometimes, the future is so scary I get panic attacks thinking about it.
But it's sort of irrelevant. The future will happen, and we cannot predict if we'll be unhappy or happy or hungry or sleepy or what. We can really only take the present. Sounds like this present is really hard right now.
And you want a way to get through it. I can understand that. But don't worry about the future so much...just get through now.
In addition, there are tons of links online about self-harming and ways to fight the urge, if you have a moment to search. I know that's not easy...
Thinking of you, my friend, and sending you as much strength as I can muster for the difficult now.
in case you need to chat www.imalive.org
The above is all excellent. One moment at a time. It WILL pass and you can work on yourself again with a clearer, more rational mindset.
Dark, dominant thoughts do have a strong pull on consciousness and are not easy to let go. I wrestle w/resentment, bitterness, disgust, anger and other emotionally charged thoughts. The majority of my 0-5 scores are attachments of this nature.
They are judgments, evaluations, interpretations of fluctuating, variable states that have a denseness to them. They disturb our peace, but are often heavy and not easy to cast off.
Through meditation, reorientation, redirecting of attention, need identification or other skillful means, we CAN disentangle ourselves. So, when you say 'Wish I could...' know that it is possible. (Triumphant music).
So sorry to see you are feeling this bad, dear H F. I don't really have anything else to add because other Pandas did such a good job of it. Sending you lots of love & real hugs. 💖
Thank You dear Jeff, you make a lot of sense. I promise to try that's all I can do. But I fear that I am not strong enough maybe for this world. Love and Hugs
Thank You dear Love, yes I agree on an intellectual level but emotionally sometimes a person reaches a stage where it becomes hard to help yourself through. But I will try. Love and Hugs
Thank You Valeria
Thank You John N, Hugs
Thank You Lydia, John T, Tuxi and Richard, Hugs
Thank You dear Manda, Love and Hugs
Happy new year, HF!
Happy New Year. May 2018 be filled w/blessings
lief vir jou vriendin. gelukkig nieuwjaar xxx
Happy New Year, H F. Lots of love. 💖
Happy new year x
Happy New Year x
Hi, HF! Always nice to see you here, but sorry to see so low a number. :( Hope you're doing ok! Sending you hugs and strength!
Thank You All, Hugs back
effort to find out how others are and that Pandas sincerely care. May you attract the same consideration you extended to me. Hugs <3
Aw, HF, glad you posted again! I miss you and your posts. MP is a weird place. People disappear without notice or warning, and we all worry. But I know it's a place that people use for themselves more than for others. And sometimes...
...you have to go do other things. But I've been hoping you're doing ok! Sorry to see only a 3. We're here for you should you ever need us. And know even if we don't post or reach out, we care!!
Good to hear from you, H F even though I am sorry to see it's a 3. Hope things start to look up for you soon & that you'll stick around if you feel up to it. No pressure though. Pandas are always here! 💖
Relieved to know youre ok, even if not ok ok.
Missed you around my lief Afrikaans vriendin
am concerned increase will make me even more tired and I am already an exhausted person. When I first went on ads, I could barely get out of bed and slept a lot. I still do so I feel I can't afford to be any more tired. Been under constant stress.
I'm sorry you're this low. It's a tough decision. Can't you switch to other ads that make you less tired?
So sorry you're feeling this bad, H F. I have Esther's question. Have you tried switching to a different antidepressant? Sometimes you gotta go through a lot to find the right one for you. I'll be thinking of you. 💚
H F, I am thinking of you my dear Panda friend x
Big Hugs HF <3
actually complimented me on my singing. And it's not like I play music or sing along with it often in the presence of p at all. Was/am quite hurt (I actually felt it in my chest) and extremely disappointed. I have to listen to p's music constantly.
It's these kinds of things that make warning bells go off.
Hello and Thank You my Panda Friends. I was very hurt but managed to express my disappointment calmly and not too emotionally. P realised how awful what He said was and apologised genuinely and so I forgave given the sincerity of the apology.
I can sense P is reflecting more and genuinely wanting to be better
I'm so glad to hear that P was genuinely apologetic 💕
Sounds like the voice of depression. What's it expressing? There's uncertainty, a search for meaning perhaps? Behind the words of defeat, am I hearing a need to be affirmed, a call for love maybe?
You're not a failure at everything, H F. You are amazing! It does sound like you are experiencing deep depression though. Are you on meds? Maybe need adjusted. If not, consider. ***al thoughts are not to be played around with. Thinking of you. xx
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, H F - you're definitely not a failure, no matter how things feel. Some wise thoughts from fellow Pandas. You're in my thoughts xx
Sorry you're so low, HF. Sending you strength...
HF sorry to hear you're not doing too good. In your last post you had written your first action would be to increase your ADs. Do you think that might be an option at this point in time. Hope you're feeling a little better soon. Thinking of you xxx
Hope you are ok, H F. Anxiously awaiting you checking in here. Thinking of you! 💚