Sounds good Jeff! Happy for you.
Definitely thankful for them. Thankful for the two friends I was able to see last night and enjoy food and bourbon and venting with. Thankful for sun on a day that's supposed to be rainy. Thankful for my job, despite being extremely unmotivated...
...because I'm doing fairly well financially and paying down a nagging credit card (slowly) and able to look to buy a new car before winter hits. (Scheduled a test drive tomorrow.)
Last night, my head hurt bad, and I wondered if I'm having an aneurism or stroke or something. I thought about what my dog would do, since it would surely be at least a week before anyone checked on me. I wouldn't care, I figured, if he ate me to...
...survive. But where would he get water? I don't leave the toilet seat up. It made me very sad to think about him dying slowly while I rotted away in bed. I wish there was some way of ensuring someone would check now and then to make sure I'm alive.
For him more than me.
Are you having migraines? There are meds that help, I've been taking a low dose of Propranolol for a while, and it's changed my life. I've had horrible headaches for years, they drove me insane.
That said, I love my house and slept so well in my own bed. And happy to be back with my dog!
sounds like the transition provoked mixed feelings- gratitude to be back home & some heaviness around the usual routine- wanting a change.
Welcome back :)
... getting away and relaxing and disconnecting (mostly). Need to do that more often.
I think I wanted great revelations and self realizations. I got calmness and peace, which I probably needed more.
I'm glad it worked out for you in some way. I hope your transition going back to work goes smoothly.
Ahh sitting by the fire sounds lovely.
Sounds relaxed :)
beautiful. enjoy the moment. wishing you rest & clarity.
Sounds lovely, Jeff - glad you're enjoying the cabin
sounds peaceful. In Nature, we can often connect to what is true & enduring.
Sounds wonderful. Enjoy!
Thank you, pandas. I've been looking forward to this for a long time. Seems the perfect 2020 vacation. My goal is to achieve and get past boredom.
Enjoy your rest🙂
This sounds fantastic! Even though the boredom bit may be challenging for some. Have a great time.
This sounds awesome! I'm glad you are doing something for yourself, Jeff. Enjoy the peace & quiet.
want to hear yourself talk. I try to be cognizant of this myself. But it's so hard when no one will listen to me and let me get anything out.
I will be here to listen if you need someone to talk to :I
sounds like you're wanting that rarest of gifts: deep, empathic listening without advice, comparison, fixing, data-gathering, etc., just to be heard and understood without judgment.
I can see how that'd be frustrating. Keep talking to us. We'll always be here for you!
I just wanted to go to a favorite brewery, but it was full. No room for solo me. Drive 15 miles to another, no room at bar, so sit outside under...
... An umbrella. Rain starts heavy again. Now huddled in dark corner alone and gulping beer so I don't sob.
Working for 6 hours straight is not to be sniffed at... Well done Jeff. Knock it out of the park (that's a baseball analogy I believe)! Why does baseball exist?
Wish I were there to pull up a chair and have a beer with you, and cat or sit in companionable silence, whatever you'd like
I'd Iike to join you for a beer, too, even though I don't drink anymore.
I'd love to join you as well, I'll have wine.
Il have a G & T and we could just be silent.
I was thinking about how I'd explain how I was feeling, as if I was writing it in comments here, and it seemed so clear and strong. But of course, I can never restate these things how they sound good in my head, and it ends up coming out weak and...
...bland. I thought about how my list of 'bad things' right now shouldn't seem so bad. Stupid work requirements. Health issues. Loneliness. Blah blah, what else is new? But it's not those things themselves, is it? It's how they effect me, right?
The tiniest thing can seem so insurmountable when anxiety and depression turns it into a vast, dark, heavy thing to carry. But we don't see it that way. Instead, we see that we feel inexplicably bad about stupid little things, so we compound the...
...actual feelings themselves with shame. 'So many others have it so much worse. I shouldn't feel this way.' That's the devil on my back feeding off the depression and anxiety and fear and laughing at my ridiculous attempts to rationalize it...
Are you still running, Jeff?
...and getting bigger and bigger as he prods me harder with his fork. One negative sentiment breeds another, until even the littlest ones are piled on, so heavy. It's exhausting to hold them up. Like the feather on the weights or the straw that broke
...the camel's back. I've lived long enough to know I should expect more and more, but I just want to collapse. I feel like I'm going to throw up.
None of this is new, but saying all this - rationalizing it - does no good. Again, it just brings that shame that I should be better, and the devil laughs, because that's the plan, right? To make me feel bad for feeling bad, which just leads to...
I feel like I can't do the little things lately, like get normal sleep and eat healthy and walk my dog. I haven't run in a week, and running has been so hard lately. I go to bed unsure what I did during the day. Work is pushed aside even as I stress
...over the building requirements my job has for me. (Now they expect me to work all three days of the holiday weekend to prepare for something I should have no involvement in, and no one cares.)
So I drink more, and I eat more comfort food, and I feel sicker and weaker. And the devil gets heavier and laughs harder, and I hear him in my head all the time, and I don't know if I care anymore if he wins...He won a long time ago really.
Dude, I wanna give you the world's biggest hug because... And you won't believe me right now... It is going to get better. I promise. I rarely give real promises... But I promise it will
My father told me that when he is upset, he will count his blessings or try to think 'happy thoughts.' Hope that is useful.
true matt,, meditation its called calm an app i use,,,,, a lot
positive thinking brings positive results
Like John I wish I could give you a hug. Have you spoken to your GP? I know I am lucky in having a brilliant one, but - might be an option? Sometimes time off work helps? Does your work give you access to counselling or a referral for it? Hope you
find the right thing for you. Just having hope is so important. Wish I could give that to you
I'm feeling you, Jeff. That's real talk. Interesting how the more authentic we are, the more connection there is. We can empathize- as I'm guessing we've all gotten pummeled.
Doesnt take the pain away. Part of me thinks the pain has purpose. Light entered the wounded place after I broke completely. The nut must crack in darkness before the tree can grow.
My respite may be temporary
and if I am again pummeled, guessing you and others will be there to strengthen my feeble knees.
I want to give you a million hugs too, Jeff. Things must feel so scary right now. There is happiness out there & you deserve to experience it. I think you may want to look into med/therapy if you haven't already. There is no shame in asking for help.
Your words hit hard, Jeff, this is what it feels like for me, too, when I'm in crisis. The goblin, I call it though. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It's terrible. Big hugs and lots of love.
how are you doing Jeff M?
Here Jeff, you know that. Insta also.
I've been thinking of you - torn because it's good to see a post but I'm so sorry you're struggling. You've been missed
Hey, Jeff! We both jumped back on. The struggle continues. Happy you're back... even when we're not ok, sometimes that can be ok. Hope such is the case with you.
So good to see you, Jeff. Hate that you are struggling though. Stick around. We're here for you.
Jeff! We're here for you, pal
I'm good Jeff. Good to hear from you. Take care my friend XXX
Sorry you feel lonely, Jeff. We're all here for you though xx
Likewise Jeff. Although with the heat wave I've not exercise for 3 days
We miss you, Jeff!
Come back, Jeff
Seriously! MP isn't the same without you, Jeff.
Trusting youre good.
I know I'm lucky. I have a job. My dog gives me some outlet. I can still get outside and run. But it's hard to keep things in perspective.
Anyway, I hope you're all getting through these days as best you can!
Pretty much same here. I can work from home, but being alone brings new kind of weird to the everyday life. When/if this'll be over, I will get large beer, I will sit in the place where there are people around and I will very slowly drink and listen
BIG HUGS XXX
Hang in there, Jeff. I hope spring awakening will help.
Thank you, friends!
It's a tough time for sure. But we'll get through it
Hope you are feeling better Jeffbear
Miss you, Jeffbear! I hope you are ok.
Thanks for sharing that, Jeff - enjoyed them in my youth:)
If you're stuck inside with a family member, remember how lucky you are to not be alone. I'm grateful for my dog, at least. But the loneliness is defniitely getting to me.
And I was so unmotivated to work last week. Wasted so much time. Now super stressed about the work that has to be done. Not sure how I'll be able to do it or how I'll be able to focus.
So sorry you are feeling this way. I know it's gotta be super difficult when you are alone. I am so thankful for my family. Really hope things can look up for you soon!
Hi Jeff, I have found it very difficult too. I guess we just need to try to keep going. X
Yeah, we are limiting our news time. It was so depressing watching the numbers rise. Hope you get to feeling better, Jeff. 💚
Happy hour over Zoom sounds fun! Hope you start getting better sleep, Jeff.
I'm glad you have the dog too. I am sure that the majority of people struggle with motivation working from home (change to routine, lack of social interactions, less accountability to management/colleagues).
Are you still getting out to do some running? X
Glad you have your dog. Pets make things a bit easier to deal with when they are around.
Hope today is going better for you!
Well-done for keeping active, Jeff!