Left job, got new one, start Monday, taking Tennis lessons, things thawing with R, but she's still not talking to me. 96 weeks now. Too busy to update, hadn't realised it had been so long.
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Chock-a-bloke checking in. I loathe the company that owns the company the franchise owner I work for owns. I want a new job.
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A whole year now, 52 weeks & a day, or 1 year exactly, well, a year & a day now.

Huge hugs x

19 Jul 2015
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A year ago today, last time R & I spent time as friends, day trip exploring Harrow-on-the-Hill, then Leicester Square for dinner & ice cream, at this time, before I walked her home about 12:30am.
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49th week, time to give up really, listen to my head for a change.
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Thanks for the birthday messages :) Nothing much happened, nothing from R either. Got a call back from Channel 4's First Dates though.
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How ironic, week 46 & I'm going to be 46 in 2 days time.

In that case congratulations in advance! :)

12 Jun 2015

happy early bday!

12 Jun 2015
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Well the letter & card are in the post now, too late to turn back.
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It's R's birthday on the 10th. Can't let it go, will send her a card & letter,which I'll start writing now. I lost everything 40 weeks & 3 days ago, so it won't matter now.
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So hard to keep things bottled up, when you so want to let someone know how you feel about them, or at least know how they truly feel about you.
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40 weeks now. Only 12 weeks short of a year now. It's highly unlikely things will resolve before then.
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I just wonder how R felt about seeing me in the audience at the show & how I avoided her?
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I so want to try & make contact, or find a way to contact R through someone else. But I have to sit tight, resist & continue to wait it out. Still off FB so far.

I don't know the story behind but sounds like you're trying to stay strong. You have all my support! Is there anything you can do to distract yourself? Read, doodle or cook maybe?

27 Apr 2015

Cat E, I joined up here because of this situation, so you can catch up if you want to keep up with it so far. It's been like being subjected to a very loud, hurtful noise. It finally came down to a 3 or 4 after a very long time.

27 Apr 2015

But seeing R again, it's like it's been suddenly turned right back up to 11 again. I'm doing what I can, but everything reminds me of her.

27 Apr 2015

Thanks.

27 Apr 2015

I understand what you mean about the noise. My head gets noisy too. Distraction can help, but the noise makes it hard to focus. Try holding a piece of ice in your hand. The cold and pain helps jolt me into the present. big hugs

27 Apr 2015

Audrey N not literal noise :) it's what the intensity of the razor winged butterflies in my tummy feels like. Though I do have a mild case of tinnitus.

27 Apr 2015

I know, it's my thoughts that make the noise. Sometimes my body is almost vibrating with anxiety.

28 Apr 2015

That's kinda noisy too.

28 Apr 2015
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Suspended my FB account again, have to stay away in case I do something I'll regret, like messaging mutual friends to ask if R's been asking about me. Razor winged butterflies back with a vengeance.
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Couldn't stay away long, had to see if anyone had noticed anything wrong between R & I at the show, to ask if everything's alright. But nobody did.
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Decided to disappear off FB for a bit. Seeing R last night was like knocking the scab off a wound that refuses to heal.
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