i'm gonna be so happy once i receive an email. but for now, we wait. i wasn't that patient last night, but i'm feeling better today. i've had alot of nighttime anxiety, so i'm expecting a rough one.
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work is awesome. i'm obsessing over counseling right now and don't know how to be alone right now. trying really hard to journal. drinking some wine. trying to chill and just binge on 90 Day Fiance.
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We went from fighting to calling everyday. I don't know. 8 more days until I go back to work. I have no motivation to do all the things, I really don't know what to do with myself right now.
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My ex and I are fighting, I don't think we're gonna be friends after this. My counselor of 3 years has to drop me for insurance reasons. Best counselor I've ever had. Really sad, I keep tearing up.
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My mom's a terrible person. She's cheap AF and she's not compassionate and makes herself unavailable if I want to talk about a problem. She'll just get annoyed with me. Plus I think she's jealous.
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I gotta stop being so passive. I watch screens all day long and can barely manage to sit down and write something. I just started yesterday. Not doing well with vices. I was drinking and weed/vape.
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Can't seem to shake off this nighttime anxiety every night. I go to bed at 8:30pm and listen to meditations and podcasts until I can fall asleep. Being up and awake in other rooms makes me anxious.
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day 2 of not talking to my mom after talking to her everyday for years. she won't call me if i don't call her and thats what hurts the most. but we had a falling out. trying not to care.

Forgive your mum,and call first always.it is very important. She will understand one day,that you care,Be wise .To love and to forgive the greatest feelings 🤝

16 Sep 2020
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yes!!! i don't have to go in to work on monday, i got an extension to work from home!!! i'm still smoke free, trying not to talk to negative people, going to start working out again and eating right.
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ugh, anxiety, work stress. i quit smoking though, 66 days clean today. stopped talking to my ex also. i feel alone, anxious, stressed. it's not going away either, nothing is working. ahh!
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Kinda jealous of a few friends on facebook that seem to have perfect lives. I'm bored and depressed this weekend. Trying to cut down on smoking. Seems like I'm eating alot more now to compensate.

They have perfect social medias maybe... Perfect lives don't exist. Everyone suffers. We are all in the same boat.

23 Jun 2019
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Bored, no plans this weekend. My meds are working. I've quit smoking weed. Smoking alot though lately. And I have a redbull habit. And I drive too much back and forth to get my friend.
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Ack, anxiety. Scared of being alone. My friend has been really distant lately, so it's stressing me out. Got a job though, I love it so far! I'm going to try to get some errands done this weekend.
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Reaching out. Anxiety meds are good. Just feeling like there's no direction in my life. Kinda trying not to get too depressed.
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Depressed. Lonely. Anxiety is a little better though now that I'm taking klonopin.
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Anxiety meds were upped a bit. I think I'm feeling better, but not sure if it's a placebo effect. Still bored as hell in the afternoons and trying to figure out a good distraction. Smoking alot still.
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Like my PT job, keeps me entertained for half the day. It's the other half of the day I'm having problems with. Still anxiety issues and general boredom not having a plan for the rest of the day.
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No luck with getting my drs to prescribe klonopin for my anxiety. Strict no benzo rules in effect now. I'm smoking alot more cigs now because of the anxiety. Hopefully I figure out a good distraction.
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Vacation was nice. Friend coming over last night was really nice. Just applied to a couple jobs, HUGE gap in my resume but I'm determined to get back out there. Reading a good book on OCD and fears.
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Feeling a little better. Been hanging out more with my friend, helps to pass the time and depression. Just started an art class too. Not really motivated to do too much on my own at home yet though.
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