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Had a lot of fun cutting cards (long story) and playing with a dog today. Feeling good in general. I think Sertraline has kicked in. I feel good but strange, like is this still me?
Alicia B
1d · LEGEND

I've been in pain for as long as I can remember. I've wanted it to stop for such a long time, but who am I without it? It's been the driving force in my life, what's going to drive me now? Don't get me wrong, it's been getting me into trouble.

Alicia B
1d · LEGEND

It's made my life into a mess even I myself couldn't justify or explain. It was a familiar mess though. What now? It's probably a short-term rest though. I should just enjoy it while it lasts. The mess will be back, no need to miss it.

Alicia B
1d · LEGEND

I'd like to take this time to work and make some money. I'm still waiting on that contract though, I don't know what's gone wrong. Hopefully, it's all just a big screw-up.

Tayla O
24h · 6+ MONTHS

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Jeff M
12h · LEGEND

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Jeff M
12h · LEGEND

I can relate to this. When I manage to drag myself out of deep depressive periods, I do sort of miss that person. There's comfort in knowing the pain is real when the lack of pain feels unreal. Plus, I often am most inspired by pain...

Manda P
2h · LEGEND

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Going to my first driving theory lesson today. In German, so that's going to be suboptimal, but what can you do. It's either that or take the bus every time. Feeling peaceful. Optimistic. Appreciative
Irène L
4d · NEW

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Tayla O
4d · 6+ MONTHS

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Jeff M
3d · LEGEND

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Jeff M
3d · LEGEND

Best of luck! Or, rather, hope it went well!

Manda P
3d · LEGEND

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Manda P
3d · LEGEND

How'd it go?

sonny S
2d · 1+ YEAR

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Yesterday was such a happy day because of J. The situation is less than perfect but I can't help but feel certain. And happy. Also, I've spent the night playing MTG and hanging out with people.
Alicia B
5d · LEGEND

It's so strange but my social anxiety is just gone. Since when? How? Why? I have no idea, I need to think about it. I'm really curious.

Tayla O
5d · 6+ MONTHS

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Shelley H
5d · HERO

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sonny S
5d · 1+ YEAR

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Jeff M
5d · LEGEND

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Manda P
3d · LEGEND

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sonny S
2d · 1+ YEAR

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I've been brought up to ignore my feelings as not important. I've been learning to listen to them lately. It appears that winter with it's cold and dark brings mild flashbacks. I get hypervigilant,
Alicia B
7d · LEGEND

I feel fragile and somewhat unreal. The world around me also feels unreal. Having someone in your life who asks you how you feel about things is amazing, it can promote so much change. In winter I feel very close to how I'd felt back in Russia.

Alicia B
7d · LEGEND

Very unprotected and small. That makes me miss people who were not necessarily good for me. I'm not upset at all though. Just curious as usual to take my thoughts apart and see how they work. This is the first time ever I've felt able to handle this

Alicia B
7d · LEGEND

particular type of flashback. I've had them since I was 16, maybe even before that. Interesting.

Alicia B
7d · LEGEND

For those of you who don't know me, I am 36 now. Healing takes time and work. If you are young, don't despair, there's plenty of good stuff waiting for you, too.

Tayla O
7d · 6+ MONTHS

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charlotte C
7d ·

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Linnea K
7d · NEW

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Shelley H
7d · HERO

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paul M
7d · 1+ YEAR

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Manda P
7d · LEGEND

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Manda P
7d · LEGEND

Well said, Alicia! I hope the winter treats you well. 💞

Alicia B
5d · LEGEND

Thank you, Manda <3

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7 Alicia B
14 Nov 2019 · LEGEND
A good day. Had a talk, did a walk, watched half of season 2 of The End of the ***ing World and some football. Lovely.
Tayla O
14 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

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Jeff M
7d · LEGEND

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Jeff M
7d · LEGEND

I just started season 2. Didn't think it needed another season after how the first one ended, but I do like this dark comedy, so I hope it goes well!

Alicia B
7d · LEGEND

I totally agree, Jeff, it was a piece of art as a mini-series. But it's funnier now, so I guess it's all good :)

Manda P
7d · LEGEND

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Manda P
7d · LEGEND

Looking forward to checking the new season out. We're drowning in football & basketball over here.

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6 Alicia B
12 Nov 2019 · LEGEND
A nice boring day. Went for a walk. Feeling grateful for my J. And for some things about myself, too. I'm doing OK I think.
Tayla O
13 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

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Robert H
13 Nov 2019 · GUARDIAN

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Jeff M
13 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

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mrflimflam R
13 Nov 2019 · NEW

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nixiblu .
14 Nov 2019 · HERO

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Manda P
7d · LEGEND

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5 Alicia B
11 Nov 2019 · LEGEND
Today was tough. I've signed up for driving school, and thoughts of driving give me flashbacks. I felt like an utter piece of *** today. I do hope I can work through it because I would love to drive.
Alicia B
11 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

It's been a 4 all day but I've talked to J at night and that felt like an 8 :) <3 <3 <3

Shelley H
11 Nov 2019 · HERO

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Gabrielle H
12 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

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Jeff M
13 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

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Manda P
7d · LEGEND

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Manda P
7d · LEGEND

I love driving. It used to terrify me but now I only get nervous on the interstate. Good luck with it. Sure am glad you have J. ❤️

Alicia B
5d · LEGEND

Thank you, Manda, I'm glad too! And I hope I like driving just as much as you do.

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9 Alicia B
10 Nov 2019 · LEGEND
I've danced today, and my dance teacher was impressed by me, and that was the first time in my life someone was impressed by my physical ability... A day to remember!
Gabrielle H
11 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

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Tayla O
11 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

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John T
11 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

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8 Alicia B
07 Nov 2019 · LEGEND
On the train back home after a trial night at work. I really liked it! A beautiful place and the long-forgotten feeling that the night belongs to me. When I was a teenager night was the only time I
Alicia B
07 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

felt good at home. My mum was asleep and I was finally able to relax. It's still the same when she comes to visit. And even when she's not here I still love night time. I love the quiet and the mystery of it, too. I also like the feeling of

Alicia B
07 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

liberation I get when I leave home by myself. It makes no sense these days but the feeling is still very much alive. I've thoroughly enjoyed myself today.

Tayla O
07 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

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Jeff M
07 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

Happy you enjoyed yourself! There is something so magical being out in a quiet, dark night. A little mysterious, a tiny bit dangerous...it's a cool feeling!

Anna D
07 Nov 2019 · 1+ YEAR

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Manda P
07 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

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Manda P
07 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

Glad to hear you liked the trial run! I get scared at night if I'm by myself. 😕

John T
08 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

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7 Alicia B
04 Nov 2019 · LEGEND
Day 13 on Sertralin, feeling pretty good. The shift that happened in my mind during the last crisis was for the better, too, I feel like a new, better me. Let's hope it sticks :)
Tayla O
04 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

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Spacekitten V
04 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

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Brandt B
05 Nov 2019 ·

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Jeff M
05 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

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Jeff M
05 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

I hope so too, Alicia! I am also always inspired how much you learn from and accept the bad periods.

Alicia B
07 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

thank you, Jeff, that's such a lovely thing to say

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7 Alicia B
03 Nov 2019 · LEGEND
Dancing and hanging out with people today. A bit of a hectic weekend, I would have liked to have some quiet time. I feel pretty good though.
Kimberley C
03 Nov 2019 ·

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Jeff M
04 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

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6 Alicia B
03 Nov 2019 · LEGEND
MTG night with friends. Fun! Enjoying quieting down now that I'm home. it's been a good day.
Robert H
03 Nov 2019 · GUARDIAN

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Tayla O
03 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

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paul M
03 Nov 2019 · 1+ YEAR

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John T
03 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

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8 Alicia B
02 Nov 2019 · LEGEND
Overexcited by doing well during the interview, didn't sleep much in the last 48 hours. Did a painting about the part of me that's disappeared. Grief and love are the two dominating emotions right now
Robert H
02 Nov 2019 · GUARDIAN

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Tayla O
02 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

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Manda P
02 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

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Natalie C
02 Nov 2019 · GUARDIAN

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John T
03 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

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9 Alicia B
31 Oct 2019 · LEGEND
I CRUSHED the Skype job interview. They were charmed, they were impressed by my German, they like my experience, I'm having a trial day next week. And I made them laugh a bunch of times. No biggie.
Alicia B
31 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

I understood 96 per cent of what they said, I didn't make any glaring mistakes, I looked perfectly confident and god I'm feeling so smug right now! I guess I'm good under pressure now? LOVE that!

Tayla O
31 Oct 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

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me M
31 Oct 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

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Clare W
31 Oct 2019 ·

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nixiblu .
31 Oct 2019 · HERO

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nixiblu .
31 Oct 2019 · HERO

Fantastic

Manda P
01 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

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Manda P
01 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

Congratulations, Alicia! That's so great. Well deserved!

Alicia B
02 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

Thank you :)

John T
03 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

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6 Alicia B
30 Oct 2019 · LEGEND
Got a Skype job interview tomorrow. In German. God, why do I keep moving to countries without learning their language first? If I move again it'll only be to an English-speaking one, dammit.
Tayla O
30 Oct 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

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Jeff M
31 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

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Jeff M
31 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

Good luck! I hope you manage the language barrier! That would be really stressful, I think, but just do the best you can!

nixiblu .
31 Oct 2019 · HERO

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Manda P
01 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

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Beth B
6h · NEW

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5 Alicia B
29 Oct 2019 · LEGEND
Stressful day! Ended up drinking some. I could have done without. Ah well, we all screw up sometimes, right? Watching the new season of Bojack Horseman, wonderful and depressing as ever :)
Tayla O
29 Oct 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

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Daisy O
29 Oct 2019 ·

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Jeff M
30 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

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John T
30 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

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Manda P
30 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

I need to check that show out. Nothing wrong with a drink every now & then.

nixiblu .
31 Oct 2019 · HERO

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6 Alicia B
28 Oct 2019 · LEGEND
A job opportunity may be presenting itself. It's a crappy job, but it's my first one here in Germany, so that's OK. Learn some language, acquire some confidence, make a little money. Fingers crossed!
Jeff M
29 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

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Jeff M
29 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

Good luck!!

Manda P
30 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

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Manda P
30 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

Everything crossed & recrossed!

Natalie C
29 Oct 2019 · GUARDIAN

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Alicia B
30 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

Thank you, Manda <3

Ian D
29 Oct 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

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Tayla O
29 Oct 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

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5 Alicia B
28 Oct 2019 · LEGEND
Tried a new dance class today, then went to a concert at night. Tired but content. It's been a good day.
Robert H
28 Oct 2019 · GUARDIAN

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Daisy O
28 Oct 2019 ·

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Ian D
28 Oct 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

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Jeff M
28 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

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Tayla O
28 Oct 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

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Manda P
30 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

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5 Alicia B
26 Oct 2019 · LEGEND
I still feel like there's a part of me missing like it's gone dormant or died off or something. And even though that part was ***al and very sad and unable to function, I am grieving. It probably
Alicia B
26 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

sounds very weird, but I've promised myself to suppress as little of my feelings as I possibly can, so there. I got some excellent advice on the topic today though. If there's a hole in my mind, maybe I could choose what to fill it with.

Alicia B
26 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

Maybe I could create a 'personality' that's better in some way. That does make me feel defensive about the old one but OK. Let's say that old one was a huge part of me, or at least it was a huge motivational force behind many things I've done in my

Alicia B
26 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

life. Those things have been very stupid, but now they are what makes me interesting, really. Would I want to have lived a different life? A less tortured one, yes. A more 'normal' one? No. My experiences have shaped me so thoroughly by now that I am

Alicia B
26 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

unimaginable without them. I am not recanting this part of me that's gone quiet. No way. She suffered a lot because she'd look for a love that could make her whole. But it was too late for her, she was not a child anymore and no-one could possibly

Alicia B
26 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

give her what she'd missed all those years ago. She got the next best thing though and maybe that's what's made her finally give it a rest. Seeing the limitations and seeing the magic, both at the same time.

Alicia B
26 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

So what will the new, improved her be like? Maybe she could give others what she's been lacking. Some love to human beans she comes across. We all need it.

Daisy O
26 Oct 2019 ·

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Tayla O
27 Oct 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

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paul M
27 Oct 2019 · 1+ YEAR

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Manda P
27 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

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Manda P
27 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

I guess I wouldn't choose a different past because it sure has shaped me. We have so much love to give!

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6 Alicia B
25 Oct 2019 · LEGEND
Day 3 of SSRI's (entire tablet), feeling OK. Mood is better today, feeling kind of motivated. Could be due to weight loss, but I'll take it! I've been walking with freehand weights for 2 days, it's
Alicia B
25 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

hadrer than it looks. Got some slightly sore muscles. My upper body needs working out, especially since I don't swim anymore. It's expensive in winter when I have to go to the pool at the water park, plus it's a bit further away from home and when

Alicia B
25 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

I'm depressed I don't necessarily have the strength to take me there and make me swim. Walking, on the other hand, is easy. Just get out of the house and you're already doing it. It's more of a 5.5 I'm at today.

me M
25 Oct 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

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Anushri M
25 Oct 2019 ·

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T O
25 Oct 2019 ·

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Bipolar Bear .
25 Oct 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

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Tayla O
25 Oct 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

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Jeff M
25 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

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John T
25 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

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nixiblu .
25 Oct 2019 · HERO

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Albertine M
26 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

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Manda P
27 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

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Manda P
27 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

I wish I could walk with you!

Alicia B
30 Oct 2019 · LEGEND

Me too, Manda Panda!

T O
31 Oct 2019 ·

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