I've been in pain for as long as I can remember. I've wanted it to stop for such a long time, but who am I without it? It's been the driving force in my life, what's going to drive me now? Don't get me wrong, it's been getting me into trouble.
It's made my life into a mess even I myself couldn't justify or explain. It was a familiar mess though. What now? It's probably a short-term rest though. I should just enjoy it while it lasts. The mess will be back, no need to miss it.
I'd like to take this time to work and make some money. I'm still waiting on that contract though, I don't know what's gone wrong. Hopefully, it's all just a big screw-up.
I can relate to this. When I manage to drag myself out of deep depressive periods, I do sort of miss that person. There's comfort in knowing the pain is real when the lack of pain feels unreal. Plus, I often am most inspired by pain...
Best of luck! Or, rather, hope it went well!
How'd it go?
It's so strange but my social anxiety is just gone. Since when? How? Why? I have no idea, I need to think about it. I'm really curious.
I feel fragile and somewhat unreal. The world around me also feels unreal. Having someone in your life who asks you how you feel about things is amazing, it can promote so much change. In winter I feel very close to how I'd felt back in Russia.
Very unprotected and small. That makes me miss people who were not necessarily good for me. I'm not upset at all though. Just curious as usual to take my thoughts apart and see how they work. This is the first time ever I've felt able to handle this
particular type of flashback. I've had them since I was 16, maybe even before that. Interesting.
For those of you who don't know me, I am 36 now. Healing takes time and work. If you are young, don't despair, there's plenty of good stuff waiting for you, too.
Well said, Alicia! I hope the winter treats you well. 💞
Thank you, Manda <3
I just started season 2. Didn't think it needed another season after how the first one ended, but I do like this dark comedy, so I hope it goes well!
I totally agree, Jeff, it was a piece of art as a mini-series. But it's funnier now, so I guess it's all good :)
Looking forward to checking the new season out. We're drowning in football & basketball over here.
It's been a 4 all day but I've talked to J at night and that felt like an 8 :) <3 <3 <3
I love driving. It used to terrify me but now I only get nervous on the interstate. Good luck with it. Sure am glad you have J. ❤️
Thank you, Manda, I'm glad too! And I hope I like driving just as much as you do.
felt good at home. My mum was asleep and I was finally able to relax. It's still the same when she comes to visit. And even when she's not here I still love night time. I love the quiet and the mystery of it, too. I also like the feeling of
liberation I get when I leave home by myself. It makes no sense these days but the feeling is still very much alive. I've thoroughly enjoyed myself today.
Happy you enjoyed yourself! There is something so magical being out in a quiet, dark night. A little mysterious, a tiny bit dangerous...it's a cool feeling!
Glad to hear you liked the trial run! I get scared at night if I'm by myself. 😕
I hope so too, Alicia! I am also always inspired how much you learn from and accept the bad periods.
thank you, Jeff, that's such a lovely thing to say
I understood 96 per cent of what they said, I didn't make any glaring mistakes, I looked perfectly confident and god I'm feeling so smug right now! I guess I'm good under pressure now? LOVE that!
Congratulations, Alicia! That's so great. Well deserved!
Thank you :)
Good luck! I hope you manage the language barrier! That would be really stressful, I think, but just do the best you can!
I need to check that show out. Nothing wrong with a drink every now & then.
Everything crossed & recrossed!
sounds very weird, but I've promised myself to suppress as little of my feelings as I possibly can, so there. I got some excellent advice on the topic today though. If there's a hole in my mind, maybe I could choose what to fill it with.
Maybe I could create a 'personality' that's better in some way. That does make me feel defensive about the old one but OK. Let's say that old one was a huge part of me, or at least it was a huge motivational force behind many things I've done in my
life. Those things have been very stupid, but now they are what makes me interesting, really. Would I want to have lived a different life? A less tortured one, yes. A more 'normal' one? No. My experiences have shaped me so thoroughly by now that I am
unimaginable without them. I am not recanting this part of me that's gone quiet. No way. She suffered a lot because she'd look for a love that could make her whole. But it was too late for her, she was not a child anymore and no-one could possibly
give her what she'd missed all those years ago. She got the next best thing though and maybe that's what's made her finally give it a rest. Seeing the limitations and seeing the magic, both at the same time.
So what will the new, improved her be like? Maybe she could give others what she's been lacking. Some love to human beans she comes across. We all need it.
I guess I wouldn't choose a different past because it sure has shaped me. We have so much love to give!
hadrer than it looks. Got some slightly sore muscles. My upper body needs working out, especially since I don't swim anymore. It's expensive in winter when I have to go to the pool at the water park, plus it's a bit further away from home and when
I'm depressed I don't necessarily have the strength to take me there and make me swim. Walking, on the other hand, is easy. Just get out of the house and you're already doing it. It's more of a 5.5 I'm at today.
I wish I could walk with you!
Me too, Manda Panda!