I'm finally home. I wanted to write an emotional post on here about the hospital but I forgot what I wanted to say. I definitely reccomend inpatient DBT to anyone with Borderline, and just.in general, if your doctor is reccomending you do it but you are afraid, give it a try. Recovery is a gradual process,.and I am only at the beginning even though I have been working for 2 months.

I am not a new unrecognisable person, I've just noticed I have more control over my behaviour, which gives me a certain confidence and a sense that things will be ok.

10 hours ago

The most impressive is the lack of suicidal thoughts and desire for self-harm. I don't think about it anymore, especially suicide. It's just gone from my mind.

10 hours ago

Well done Alicia ❤️

10 hours ago

That's great to hear

9 hours ago

Thanks God,glad for you 🌺

4 hours ago

It's great that it helped! I hope you'll feel better and better! 🤞🍀

1 hour ago
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Today is the birthday of two of our boys, one is 25, the other is 50, and we are having a party. Pizza and non-alcoholic drinks for everyone, a huge table set on the terrace, music and everyone together. It feels like one of those mid-season scenes in a series when everyone is dancing and laughing and the zombies, or whatever, are forgotten for a bit, and people are all in the moment.
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As my hospital stay is coming to.an end, I am trying to understand the journey I am coming back from. I was in a very dark place when I started it, and now I am in a much better one. I seem to be, anyway, and I hope I keep feeling this way. I've pulled an angel card today and got Gratitude. So, here goes: I am grateful for this journey - and I really can't find a better word for it.

I am grateful to the country I am in for making it possible, and though I know this is how it should be, I have not forgotten how impossible it is in many other countries. I am grateful for the people who have shared their skills and understanding.

5 days ago

I am grateful to the assholes for giving me learning opportunities for the program. I am grateful to still be alive. I am grateful for my intellect that helps sometimes. I am grateful for the new appreciation for nature I have found, and for a couple

5 days ago

of torment-free days, and for the hope that there are more to come. Fellow Bordies, don't lose hope. There is help out there. There is hope. Loss of hope is the worst thing, and I wish we could all always have at least some of it, because there IS

5 days ago

good reason to be hopeful. Take care, pandas.

5 days ago

Sorry for all that you have went through.. HOPE, I believe, is the most important word in any language!

5 days ago

Beautiful and well said, Alicia.

5 days ago

And we're proud of youuu. Can't say that enough

5 days ago

Thank you my dear friends 😊

4 days ago
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7 days left on the hospital stay, the DBT program is amazing, but I'm not in the mood today. I get upset about something random and then all the usual thoughts come pouring in. Gotta keep working on that. Part one: accept that's how my brain works at the moment. It is what it is.
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9 days left. The weekend was ok, did a bit of occupational therapy in my room, went rollerblading twice, went for a 4 hour walk in the woods where I'm not allowed to go, did some homework that was heartbreaking. I'm ok.
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I have 12 days left of the DBT program here at the psychiatric hospital. I still get sad and triggered, I get annoyed and worried, but you know what? I'm ok. I haven't felt that in a very long time, if ever. I'll be alright.
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I think I'm finally ready to answer the question everyone has been asking me. Yes, DBT is helping. My mood is up and down but I feel more stable and calm in general.
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Weather has been miserable, I got a migraine in the morning, there was a ton of work to do and no visit from E, and yet I have been stably calm. I really like being stably calm. I was even content! Fantastic.
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Feeling vulnerable already, and then E got taken away by the police and questioned for 5 hours. He is a witness in a case against his employer. I've been a nervous wreck all day, all the bad thoughts surfaced again, but 1 hour and 40 minutes of inline skating have made it all better.
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I'm really fed up with the rain. Is this summer or what? I wanna inline skate and sunbathe and go for a swim when I'm out of the hospital! It's been a meh day, though with a couple nice calm hours in there.
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Yesterday I found a quiet spot in the park where no-one could see me, meditated and asked for universe's help in letting some things go. I thought some spirituality along with therapy won't hurt, I mean, if it helped Marsha Linehan the creator of DBT why can't it help me? I've been feeling wonderful today. I think I've gotten in touch with a very important but very wounded part of me.
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I have been feeling a lot better and forgetting to update. I have three weeks left here in the hospital (a bit less actually). I can't say if DBT is working, but I certainly have understood a lot about myself
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Another mixed bag of a day. Some of the homework is so tough emotionally. Also, I haven't been visited these last 3 days. I'm feeling quite anhedonic and dysphoric, let's face it, I'm moping around. It's raining and I won't go skating today.
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A rollercoaster of a day. Started off chill, then I got myself into a crisis by working on radical acceptance, and then some alone time has made me happy. It's the first day since May 28 that I have gotten enough sleep and I have had alone time (because my neighbour is out with her boyfriend). Ahhhhh blissful solitude.
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I've felt quite calm and stable today, seen a beautiful sunset, experienced contentment not tinted by fear. Awesome! My phrase to remember in any situation from now on: take your time. I have it on a pendant now!
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Done some great forgiveness work today, I'm quite pleased with myself. Had a nice time with E as well.
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Four weeks exactly I've been here in the psychiatric hospital. Half of my stay has gone by. Am I feeling better? I haven't really had a crisis here. Skills help me to calm down faster, so I don't go so deep into the dark thoughts. But the last week has been hard. Here's to a better one. I got done yummy salad from E's mom, and hanging out with E was nice though short-lived.
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I just wait for days to be over. Individual therapy is what keeps me holding on. It's painful sometimes, sure, but it has a purpose. It's being in a hospital that is hard. Waking up early, sleeping in a narrow bed, sharing a room with a stranger, the bad food (although it's helpful for weight loss), the control over my life, the being treated as a child, the inability to be alone above all!

I am losing all motivation here. Hopefully I can make it another 4 ***ing weeks and 2 days

28 Jun 2021

Oh hold on,there.

28 Jun 2021
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Miserable forhalf the day, feeling picked on by a nurse, homesick, fed up with hospital life. Broke some rules, spent an hour at home, feeling better for the defiance and also having home not so out of reach. I need to be away from strangers sometimes! Seriously.

Also, I'm 38 years old, I know how I usually take vaccinations, and I know when I'm not well, and I don't need nurse Ratchet following me around all day! Stalking me, feels like.

28 Jun 2021
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I was told to come home immediately after the vaccination. No-one comes back right away! No-one! It's the reason I singed up to begin with! I've tried skills all evening, nothing seems to help. I was ok while Inline skating. Otherwise my evening was bad.
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