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  745 days
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  126 followers
Bit of a flashback last night. Feeling a bit guilty. Getting through it though. Change is afoot once again. I'm anxious and excited. Once this Corona ordeal is over... who knows what might happen.
Max T
3d · 1+ YEAR

*Hugs*

Max T
3d · 1+ YEAR

Hopefully the world will seem brighter from the other side of all this, stay strong.

Shelley H
3d · HERO

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me M
2d · 1+ YEAR

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Tayla O
2d · 6+ MONTHS

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Manda P
24h · LEGEND

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Something has changed for the better recently. I have remembered my trauma, thought about it, worked on it for a bit and now... I don't feel like I am inherently disgusting and bad and dirty.
Alicia B
4d · LEGEND

It feels... Liberating. Wonderful. Just... warm. I don't hate myself. I don't feel like I need to hide. It might come back one day but right now I'm feeling pretty good. My bestie has been a huge help in all of this. I feel like a whole new person

Alicia B
4d · LEGEND

and I'm excited to see how we both grow and change with time. May there be a lot of it left for both of us.

Johnya T
4d · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Jeff M
4d · LEGEND

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Jeff M
4d · LEGEND

Inspiring! Makes me feel really good to read this.

Shelley H
4d · HERO

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Alicia B
4d · LEGEND

Thank you, Jeff and pandas :)

Manda P
4d · LEGEND

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Manda P
4d · LEGEND

Love this! Glad you can see how amazing you are, Alicia! xx

Anna D
4d · 1+ YEAR

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corrado M
4d ·

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nixiblu .
4d · HERO

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Tayla O
4d · 6+ MONTHS

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Hip dong better but I've been very careful with it. It's been a nice day. Dance lesson online, a little walk in the most miserable weather, played some Grim Fandango, talked to a good friend on the
Alicia B
6d · LEGEND

phone, had an idea for making my current painting more interesting, laughed a lot. Just wish my bestie was here. Or I could go back home and he'd be there or something. Hopefully one day.

corrado M
6d ·

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Shelley H
6d · HERO

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Manda P
6d · LEGEND

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Robert H
6d · GUARDIAN

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tEnT S
5d · 2+ YEAR

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Tayla O
5d · 6+ MONTHS

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Got some pretty intense pain in my left hip. Not going on a walk today. Still painting and playing Dicey Dungeons. Drinking too much. Wishing hard I was somewhere else. Hoping for this whole Corona
Alicia B
7d · LEGEND

ordeal to be over soon. Hoping to be strong enough to make some big changes (yet again). I can hardly believe it will happen one day. But it very well might.

Johnya T
7d · LEGEND

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Shelley H
7d · HERO

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corrado M
7d ·

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Tayla O
7d · 6+ MONTHS

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nixiblu .
6d · HERO

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Manda P
6d · LEGEND

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Tayla O
5d · 6+ MONTHS

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Tayla O
5d · 6+ MONTHS

Hope it heals up properly soon. I didn't mean to hug again but sending hugs as always. Just read your other post and am glad to see its healing. Keep safe x

Alicia B
4d · LEGEND

thank you, Tayla :*

Tayla O
4d · 6+ MONTHS

You're always welcome x

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6 Alicia B
25 Mar 2020 · LEGEND
Lockdown is not so bad here. I go on walks every day, I do some grocery shopping, I talk to people online, I paint. Mood is OK though I did get somewhat flashbacky last night.
Alicia B
25 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

I have gotten much better at dealing with those lately.

Shelley H
25 Mar 2020 · HERO

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me M
25 Mar 2020 · 1+ YEAR

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Manda P
25 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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Johnya T
25 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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Johnya T
25 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

Glad to hear it

nixiblu .
25 Mar 2020 · HERO

*Hugs*

K T
25 Mar 2020 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

K T
25 Mar 2020 · 6+ MONTHS

Well-done, Alicia. Glad you are making the most of it and reindulging in an old passion! 😊

Tayla O
26 Mar 2020 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

Alicia B
7d · LEGEND

Thanks guys :)

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6 Alicia B
23 Mar 2020 · LEGEND
Getting out of a very toxic relationship is a bit like coming home from a war (no comparison really, but bear with me). Certain things have been drilled into you. You've learned to follow orders,
Alicia B
23 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

to sleep in a barrack with thirty other humans, to wear a uniform, to always be vigilant, to be cruel. And now you're back, and you've forgotten how to know what you want and who you actually are.

Alicia B
23 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

Do you really want to hurt people? Wouldn't you rather have your own room to sleep in? Do you enjoy doing as you are told without thinking? I'm only now learning to ask myself what I feel and listen to the answers.

Alicia B
23 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

I am a stranger to myself. Some days I'm not even sure I am a whole and real person, but the shift in me is already bigger than anything I'd hoped for.

Shelley H
23 Mar 2020 · HERO

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Tayla O
23 Mar 2020 · 6+ MONTHS

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Snail M
23 Mar 2020 ·

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Albertine M
24 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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corrado M
24 Mar 2020 ·

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Johnya T
24 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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me M
24 Mar 2020 · 1+ YEAR

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Manda P
24 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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5 Alicia B
20 Mar 2020 · LEGEND
Starting midnight, we are not to leave our homes except for groceries, meds and work. I know I won't be bored but it makes one appreciate the freedom to go and do things much more.
me M
20 Mar 2020 · 1+ YEAR

*Hugs*

me M
20 Mar 2020 · 1+ YEAR

Yesterday I went to a pharmacy, on an urgent matter. It felt so good to get out of the house! Breathe in the rain. So much more appreciated than a normal day, with no restrictions.

Shelley H
20 Mar 2020 · HERO

*Hugs*

Johnya T
20 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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sonny S
20 Mar 2020 · 1+ YEAR

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Manda P
20 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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Albertine M
21 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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Anna D
21 Mar 2020 · 1+ YEAR

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Tayla O
23 Mar 2020 · 6+ MONTHS

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Albertine M
24 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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7 Alicia B
19 Mar 2020 · LEGEND
I can't help but be happy when I get such positive attention. Please, scientists, make the corona vaccine asap and let us travel this summer. Everything crossed.
tEnT S
19 Mar 2020 · 2+ YEAR

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me M
19 Mar 2020 · 1+ YEAR

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Sally W
19 Mar 2020 ·

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corrado M
19 Mar 2020 ·

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Kez R
19 Mar 2020 ·

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Johnya T
19 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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Manda P
19 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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sonny S
20 Mar 2020 · 1+ YEAR

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Tayla O
23 Mar 2020 · 6+ MONTHS

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Albertine M
24 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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6 Alicia B
17 Mar 2020 · LEGEND
Through a series of unfortunate events in childhood, some tragic, some just badly timed, most quite ordinary, I've developed a bad case of abandonment anxiety. It's enough for me to imagine
Alicia B
17 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

a hint of a whiff that maybe my significant other is not entirely obsessed with me just at the moment and the doors in my heart slam shut so fast and hard it gives my next door neighbours a headache.

Alicia B
17 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

have this longing for some kind of perfect love that will make my special someone keep banging on those doors long enough to have me loved back to health.

Alicia B
17 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

But thing is, I'm the one with the key. And those doors could withstand an atomic bomb to be honest. It's quite enough if they knock politely and I let them in and we have some tea like civilised people.

Alicia B
17 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

do know I need to change. It is grow-upping time. This defensive mindset has been depriving me of the very thing I want most. It's time to be brave. I can't predict what people will be like next. Maybe find some fun in that.

Alicia B
17 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

Straighten your back, Alicia, and go be vulnerable and free.

Alicia B
17 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

This should have been a four and simultaneously an eight.

me M
17 Mar 2020 · 1+ YEAR

I can relate to that.

me M
17 Mar 2020 · 1+ YEAR

*Hugs*

Jeff M
17 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Johnya T
17 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Manda P
17 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Manda P
17 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

I need to tell myself the same thing.

nixiblu .
18 Mar 2020 · HERO

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Tayla O
23 Mar 2020 · 6+ MONTHS

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6 Alicia B
17 Mar 2020 · LEGEND
Through a series of unfortunate events in childhood, some tragic, some just badly timed, most quite ordinary, I've developed a bad case of abandonment anxiety. It's enough for me to imagine
nixiblu .
18 Mar 2020 · HERO

*Hugs*

Once logged in you can be part of the community
5 Alicia B
16 Mar 2020 · LEGEND
I'm not panicking (yet?) but I'm just thinking of how hard it is to be far away from your loved ones when something scary is happening. I'm thinking of my mom, my sister, my friends, all the people
Alicia B
16 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

who are important to me. Some in Moscow, some in Sofia, some in France. My bestie some 1100 km away. That's the price one pays for moving around and being all cosmopolitan. I hope they're all going to be ok.

tEnT S
16 Mar 2020 · 2+ YEAR

*Hugs*

me M
16 Mar 2020 · 1+ YEAR

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Jeff M
16 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Johnya T
16 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Manda P
16 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Manda P
16 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

I'm worried for my loved ones too.

Alicia B
17 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

Hugs, Manda 🐼

Manda P
17 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

💞💞💞

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6 Alicia B
14 Mar 2020 · LEGEND
If it's the end of the world, what's the one thing you'd absolutely have to do?
nixiblu .
14 Mar 2020 · HERO

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
14 Mar 2020 · HERO

Fly to us and fk the American

me M
15 Mar 2020 · 1+ YEAR

*Hugs*

Tayla O
15 Mar 2020 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

Tayla O
15 Mar 2020 · 6+ MONTHS

Make sure everyone knows how much i love them.

Alicia B
15 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

Great choices. I'd do the same, nixi, well, not with your American, obvs :)

Manda P
15 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Manda P
15 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

Give so much love to my family.

Jeff M
16 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

It makes me sad to think that I don't know. Probably just hope that I'd go quick and painless.

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5 Alicia B
11 Mar 2020 · LEGEND
Wanna do nothing. Talk to (almost) no-one. Just go to work and watch stuff and sleep and go back to work. Could be worse.
Jeff M
11 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Johnya T
11 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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Tayla O
11 Mar 2020 · 6+ MONTHS

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Manda P
11 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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Albertine M
11 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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Anna D
11 Mar 2020 · 1+ YEAR

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5 Alicia B
10 Mar 2020 · LEGEND
OK day. Got a bit panicked for a silly reason. A. got triggered and has plunged into a depression. Luckily says he is not planning ***e. Went to meet him at a cafe, listened to him for a bit before
Alicia B
10 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

work. He is overreacting, or maybe reacting to many things at once under a guise of reacting to just one thing. Happens to the best of us. Sad to see him in this state though. I've had three flashbacky meltdowns myself lately, but I've handled them

Alicia B
10 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

Ok sort of. No self harm, no ensuing depression. Awareness is everything. I'm just afraid that some things I couldn't handle. Like not having my bestie anymore. Oh well, I'll have to think about that if and when it happens.

Robert H
10 Mar 2020 · GUARDIAN

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Tayla O
10 Mar 2020 · 6+ MONTHS

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Johnya T
10 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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Anna D
10 Mar 2020 · 1+ YEAR

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Manda P
11 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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6 Alicia B
08 Mar 2020 · LEGEND
I'm not a professional artist or anything but sometimes when I paint something happens that I couldn't have predicted and my paintings say more than I wanted to say. And it feels amazing.
Tayla O
09 Mar 2020 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

Robert H
09 Mar 2020 · GUARDIAN

*Hugs*

Albertine M
09 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Albertine M
09 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

Wow! Envious:)

corrado M
09 Mar 2020 ·

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corrado M
09 Mar 2020 ·

that is beautiful

Jeff M
09 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Anna D
09 Mar 2020 · 1+ YEAR

*Hugs*

Manda P
09 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

You are AMAZING!! 💞

Alicia B
10 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

Thank you, dear friends

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4 Alicia B
08 Mar 2020 · LEGEND
Serotonin is no joke especially if you are bipolar. Don't be like auntie Alicia, kids :)
me M
08 Mar 2020 · 1+ YEAR

*Hugs*

Johnya T
08 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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corrado M
08 Mar 2020 ·

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Albertine M
08 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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Manda P
08 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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Ian D
08 Mar 2020 · 6+ MONTHS

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Anna D
08 Mar 2020 · 1+ YEAR

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Tayla O
09 Mar 2020 · 6+ MONTHS

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Jeff M
09 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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8 Alicia B
08 Mar 2020 · LEGEND
Anyone here watch the series Pose? Well, I've just been to a ball. If you do you'll know what I mean. It was amazing!
Johnya T
08 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Manda P
08 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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Anna D
08 Mar 2020 · 1+ YEAR

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4 Alicia B
05 Mar 2020 · LEGEND
Woke up at 3 pm, felt apathetic all day. Ended up triggering myself. First sharp pain and fear, then zoning out, feeling almost drugged, motor skills suffering, unable to concentrate. grounding myself
Alicia B
05 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

using my Schleich horses and cooking. Been forgetting to eat all day, too. All of this didn't stop me from enjoying talking to my bestie at all.

Alicia B
05 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

I'll be ok. I can't even say it's been a bad day. Because I've got my lovey. It's going to be ok.

nixiblu .
05 Mar 2020 · HERO

*Hugs*

Tayla O
05 Mar 2020 · 6+ MONTHS

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Max T
06 Mar 2020 · 1+ YEAR

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corrado M
06 Mar 2020 ·

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me M
06 Mar 2020 · 1+ YEAR

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nixiblu .
06 Mar 2020 · HERO

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Manda P
06 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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Johnya T
08 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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6 Alicia B
03 Mar 2020 · LEGEND
Nice night at work chatting with the Russian colleague. We chare am interest in true crime and MTG, and she's an good conversationalist.
David M
03 Mar 2020 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
03 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
03 Mar 2020 · HERO

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corrado M
03 Mar 2020 ·

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Tayla O
03 Mar 2020 · 6+ MONTHS

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Johnya T
03 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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Anna D
03 Mar 2020 · 1+ YEAR

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Manda P
04 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

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8 Alicia B
01 Mar 2020 · LEGEND
Love makes bad things better and things that used to go unnoticed meaningful. Watching the seasons change is one of those things previously unnoticed by me. This time I'm happy to see the coming
Johnya T
01 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Alicia B
01 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

of spring. As time passes I learn, I become softer and kinder, a little wiser maybe. I find out big and small things about my love and about myself. I look forward with hope and a will to live, to fight and to create. I'm happy to greet this spring o

Alicia B
01 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

of 2020 because my soul is having a spring of it's own. And, frankly, there is nothing better.

Joep H
01 Mar 2020 ·

This sounds amazing

Kez R
01 Mar 2020 ·

*Hugs*

Alicia B
01 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

Thanks

Manda P
01 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Manda P
01 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

Omg, I LOVE this! I'm right there with ya! xx

Alicia B
02 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

Manda yay!

Jeff M
02 Mar 2020 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Anna D
02 Mar 2020 · 1+ YEAR

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Tayla O
02 Mar 2020 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
03 Mar 2020 · HERO

*Hugs*

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