in a very subtle way, because she is scared to death of confrontation. She is jealous and angry, it seems. I'm glad to be out of this relationship, and I'm glad I won't be staying the night here. E. also seems glad I'll be spending it at his place.
control mess. I hate this. I hate myself. I try not to. It's really hard right now
Emotional Instability Personality Disorder (that's what they call BPD now is *** and I hate it and I can't stand myself.
Forgive yourself and distract. Paint it when you are ready
blah. I'm sorry you're going through this. Wishing I could send more than virtual hugs and thoughts of goodwill
Alicia B , I may be able to relate to how you feel a bit because I have been told that I have 'characteristics of BDP' . I get in such deep emotional states sometimes it feels like it will nevr end - but somehow it does- till nxt time, take care of u
Thank you, guys
and exciting to do. Gotta love that dude.
Only a 9 to cause I know my best friend is not feeling good.
Record player? I'm old, haha!
Yes, I thought record player too - I'm really old....”Human holiday “ is a great description! Glad to see you having fun
Record player! That sounds right, thanks, pandas
there soon. Well, E. will drive me on his break. He is so kind. I've hardly had any sleep and I'm feeling ***al now. I'm not going to do anything though. I'm happy and I want to live, I'm just a bit crazy.
Be safe, Alicia!
Thank you, Jeff
In the words of captain beefheart, 'I wanna find me a woman to hold my big toe until I have to go'
😁 haaaaaa good one
pass soon, and I don't have to analyse the intrusive negative thoughts. Just gotta get through it. Lost concentration, and locked up the chip key in a room that can only be accessed with it (it used to have a thingy to hang it on one's jeans, but the
cord got torn, so now one has to carry it around in one's pocket, and of course I screwed up. I found a way to code a regular key card though so it opened the door. Feeling quite proud of myself, and also pissed off at the managers never bothering to
tell us about these things for emergency
May your fall be soft. 💞
Thank you 💜
good enough, or people can't be trusted, or for whatever reason. Statistically speaking, that fear is very justified. Trusting someone is not easy. Having someone with emotional intelligence around when feeling insecure helps a lot, but there is work
to be done and wounds to be healed. I have avoided making myself vulnerable and trusting someone with my heart for a long time. I want to learn how to do that. I hope one day I can.
You have made so much progress. With DBT this progress will accelerate
Thank you, my dear friend
You're welcome my 🦌 friend
I have so many jealousy problems. I feel like it's gotten better over the years but it's still there. I hate it.
I resonate with this. I'm more comfortable living like a monk. Several women have expressed a liking to me, but very hesitant to enter into a relationship. The monk thinks it's overrated.
Manda, I feel ya. I hate it too, but trying to understand myself better.
Love1, maybe you'll change your mind one day.
jealousy and being insecure sometimes can't be avoided, we are just human. it's also what we do with these feelings that it's very important.
Good point, corrado! I'm working on that right now. Super tough though.
Corrado, you're right.
How gifted and unusual and real. My heart goes out to all the beautiful people who don't know they are beautiful. There are many of those on mood panda. I wish I could somehow send you what I'm feeling right now, which is: you matter.
You are deserving of good things. You have worth. You deserve to give and receive love. It may have not come your way yet, for some it comes late in life, but when it does, it's worth it. Until then, don't let people treat you like ***. Take care of
your needs and boundaries, please, do it for me, even if you don't feel like it and all I said here just makes you want to tell me to *** off. You guys are ***ing precious!
I am saying this to myself as much as you pandas. Big hugs.
We need to read this x
I needed to read that, too. Thanks for looking out for us!
Get well soon
Sounds lovely, enjoy the buzz! Hope cold doesn't progress and you feel better soon!! XxX
Hope you are ok!
Thank you, lovely pandas
favourite food, some alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages. I'm going to put on some music, drink some and paint some. Or at least do some preparation for a painting.
Doesn't seem too bad for a 5. That's great! I put a bra on today. That's my big accomplishment. Honestly though, I'm off to clean cat dishes, fold laundry, & dust.
All the things you do on a blah day... It's inspiring! You're so strong!
I had no energy (not great at work), and I didn't want to see E. tomorrow. And then it dawned on me that Goblin felt this harsh judgement was exactly what I deserved, and what I didn't deserve was the company of people who treat me well. So then I
said to myself: actually, I don't have to accept her judgement of me. Her reading my private journal does not make her know or understand me. I don't have to see myself as a sub par human being just because she does. To quote J, her opinion is just a
opinion of one of seven billion people who live on this planet, and it's only important if I think it's important. So, screw it. I feel better now, and I'm going to take E. to a skate park where he'll practice his half-pipe moves, and I'll go for a r
a ride on my bike and then watch him be awesome, and enjoy his company. Because he is not my ex, and the way I feel about him is completely different, and our relationship won't be the same, because they never are.
And I'll let him take care of me and worry about my wellbeing and feed me, and do all the lovely things that sweet and caring people do for each other
And I'll even forgive myself for yet again being blind to unhealthy qualities of my ex and being a doormat. I'd rather be a doormat than a judgemental dickhead.
This J guy sounds like Times New Roman... A font of wisdom!
sounds like you worked through a potentially explosive situation.
John, true dat :D
Love1, I am still working through it, but I'm making progress
I am sooo happy for you, Alicia! You have found what you deserve. 💞
into my detective schema. I'd say I was disappointed but I'm always expecting invasion
and betrayal. No surprises there. But... People should not be judged by what they sayin a moment of crisis when they think no-one is listening. People should be judged for their actions. She's made me feel like all the control over my rage and
insatiable loneliest that I've gained (in terms of expression and not blaming others) has meant nothing. She never deserved to know my innermost thoughts. I'm glad I never let her into the inner world's of mine. *** her. She might read this next...
I don't care. I judge myself harshly, but she has lost my respect.
Yikes! She really doesn't have the right to judge you with what you've privately recorded. I hope this doesn't stop you from a journal though. They are so important. I'm going to start using mine again.
Thank you, Manda, I'll try not to stop.
I haven't been imagining it. I am hopeful for upcoming therapy, and I am scared of failing at it, I'm scared of change and even more scared of nothing changing. I am feeling a little anxious, somewhat excited and a bit sad. The therapist who has been
testing me has offered DBT with him every three weeks. It's been hard to find someone who works in English or Russian
He has been super easy to talk to, and when he did say something it made me feel much better.
I am so happy he's ready to take me on! I wasn't expecting that offer, it took me by surprise and made me quite happy.
This is a major positive turning point to becoming the future you; the person you have always wanted to be, you have my continued support now and for always
Thank you, John, you're the best! 🤗
Woot! Go go Alicia! So glad you can find peace within yourself. Therapy will be great. It's so nice to have someone else's perspective.
What a great post - and I love that this guy offered you therapy. Continuity with someone you already trust and like is an amazing thing to have
Thank you, Manda and Albertine and Twyla and Spacekittten and me M.
I love this place. I'd like to live here, and I have been invited to move in, but Kiwi couldn't live here.
Sounds lovely! I like the name Kiwi. So cute!
Thank you, Manda 😊
a disappointment. Shut up, goblin, please, for once, just shut up, just leave me be.
I hate that feeling, feel much the same myself right now. May all our goblins shut up. For good.
Get out goblins. Alicia is a very good person ,we love her.God bless you, dear.suppot you and wish you peace inside your soul.
Thank you, my lovely pandas! Love you guys 🤗
Get the f*ck outta here, goblins!
Yeah, you heard Manda! Eff off
Hope you are feeling better!
It's been perfect, really. We're so much alike, and I know people always say that in the beginning, but I've known that for a while, because we've been pals for a while 😁 we both have that carefree attitude to material things. It's a stressless mess
our time together. It feels so right, and it still feels like a surprise, but I could definitely get used to this.
So happy for you!
ah, glad you can relax and enjoy the vacation.
Enjoy your vacation!