by everything. Felt lonely and in need of more attention.
We can be lonely together 🤗
Doing something creative is indeed better than watching someone else's creation esp if the soul has something to say and idea is waiting to be birthed through you.
What's the vlog project?
Manda, I want to try and start a YouTube channel abouty experience with BPD
Esther, yes let's!
It's sort of like extended Mood Panda where I can rant on and on. And no-one reads it because it's all on my laptop lol. Didn't meditate either, but yesterday's meditation was.... Emotional. I cried and yelled at some higher power, it was weird! Doc
appointment tomorrow, so going to bed early. ISH.
Sounds positive. Many may be able to benefit.
Awesome please make sure to let me know! ^^
Alicia, how does an episode look like? Is it necessary for you to cry to call it an episode or just feel like a one hell but no cries? Do you have kinda like a 'burned man' reaction towards other people?
Mad, I cry a lot and self harm sometimes, either way it feels like intense emotional pain. Some people can't cry, but they still have episodes, right? I call it one when I don't want to live and I can't control what I say. So I prefer to be alone, or
talk to one person who gets me. I don't get the burned out reaction because I often hide my episodes.
Oh i misread you. Yeah, I do find it hard to focus on others when it's like that (if that's what you mean)
Thank you for sharing <3 this means a lot to me. i can relate to a lot of what youre saying. by 'burned man' reaction I meant that u become so fearful of others abandoning/hurting you that you just shut them out alltogether.
That you either withdraw yourself completely or end the relationship as a result of pain of not feeling cared for enough by them? One of my therapists described it as 'a reaction of a burned man' since its a reaction due to past traumas.
Yes, mad! I do that, too. I've ended relationships because of it and I'm finding my current relationship almost unbearable although it's a very good one
do you also get the need to leave the relationships cuz u dont feel good enough?u feel like u just cant win to be accepted, belong to relationshp/group of ppl. so u just leave. its just small things that add up to a point when u feell such unbearable
pressure its comparable to drowning. in the end u mostly only hurt yourself by this really. i think this one is more of cptsd thing though.
Alicia how do you deal with that? Is it possible without meds?
flat. Moving is a lot of work but I'm glad I won't have to move to E's parents' for a months it would have been too stressful for Kiwi and annoying for E. and me.
I know you are so, so angry, but imagine if you helped me instead. You are the one whose voice really matters, you are the only one who could SAVE me. Imagine how I would love you if you did that. I would worship you like my own personal god, you
would be the best thing that's ever happened to me. And yet, here we are, with your pathetic little attacks on a pathetic heap of snot on the bathroom floor that is me. Such a waste.
I said this monologue to Goblin the other day.
Love this. When we integrate the weak and strong parts we feel whole... self-acceptance is an act of love. You are willing and on the path. Externalizing these parts helps, too. Goblin is a good name. I'll knit her a sweater. :)
Happy 18th birthday!
Happy Birthday Alicia!
Happy Happy Birthday, Alicia! Sending so much love! 💞
Thank you, pandas 😊
or plan. To love. And it knows how to do that, still. It's not very brave, it's had to go through too much, but it still functions.
hmm. vulnerability is strength. You expressed that beautifully.
Thank you, Lovey
Alicia, happy birthday, с днем рождения!Здоровья тебе и всего самого доброго.хороших друзей,тепла и уюта🌹🌹🌹❤
Спасибо, Анна 😊
“Clarity, just confuses me. The lines upon the map a strange assembly.”
I long for clarity, too.
feel quite vulnerable.
I can do about it now, until it runs its course. Had a fun time sledging though! It was cold and sunny today. I want to go again tomorrow.
be poisoned. Let your mind be your worst enemy. Let you pay forever pay with suffering for the horrible things that happened to you as a child. Life isn't fair, is it.
supposed to know a few things about depression?
Ughhh.. I feel ya.
interested, and I'll go do something I like doing instead.
I like the voice in your head