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  122 followers
Back when my ancestor was a moody cave woman with great hair and a knack for doing shamelessly flattering self portraits on the cave walls she would do the night shift. She'd keep the fire going and
Alicia B
2d · LEGEND

soothe the scared babies and keep an eye out for tigers. When morning came she would go to sleep happy in the knowledge that she'd kept everyone safe when they were at their most vulnerable. I don't scare tigers off and I don't have to keep fires goi

Alicia B
2d · LEGEND

... going, but that's exactly how I feel when I'm done with my night shift here at the hotel. Like I've done the job that I was made to do and now I can rest easy.

Alicia B
2d · LEGEND

It's weird, but I like it so far :)

Tayla O
2d · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

Manda P
13h · LEGEND

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Manda P
13h · LEGEND

That sounds awesome! I'm glad you are getting so much out of it.

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It's snowed today. I don't get excited by snow though maybe I should. Some people seem so happy about it. I get flashbacks and weird moods from the winter air smell and cold and darkness.
Alicia B
2d · LEGEND

Not from snow though

Alicia B
2d · LEGEND

Learning the ropes at work fast, going to work alone next Tuesday. Feeling good in general.

JVAN X
2d · GUARDIAN

*Hugs*

Robin R
2d · 1+ YEAR

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Jen B
2d · HERO

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tEnT S
2d · 1+ YEAR

*Hugs*

Jeff M
2d · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Jeff M
2d · LEGEND

I used to enjoy snow. Something about being a grown up and having to shovel and drive in it and noticing that it never ends rather than finding glee in it falling and piling up...Now, I enjoy it snowing when I'm home and warm at night, watching it...

Jeff M
2d · LEGEND

...through the window, while sipping a good stout and having nowhere to go.

Tayla O
2d · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

Alicia B
2d · LEGEND

Yeah, my thoughts exactly, Jeff. But maybe it'd be nice to find some of that childish appreciation.

Manda P
13h · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Manda P
13h · LEGEND

It's so peaceful to me unless I have to drive in it. Lots of anxiety in that case. Love seeing all this green from you, my friend! πŸ’–

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A new job is always somewhat stressful. Things to learn, languages to master, bosses to impress, collegues to hopefully befriend. It's my second week and I must say it's perfectly fine.
Alicia B
5d · LEGEND

I'm so not stressed about anything. I do want to do a good job though, I always do.

Alicia B
5d · LEGEND

I wish I'd paint something though. But I feel weird about it at the moment.

Shelley H
5d · HERO

*Hugs*

Penelope P
5d · LEGEND

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Tayla O
5d · 6+ MONTHS

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Danielle C
5d ·

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Ian D
4d · 6+ MONTHS

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Jeff M
4d · LEGEND

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nixiblu .
3d · HERO

*Hugs*

Manda P
13h · LEGEND

*Hugs*

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7 Alicia B
06 Dec 2019 · LEGEND
Last work night this week. I'll have three days off. Still enjoying myself, not very tired, but looking forward to some gaming, some rum and some chill time doing nothing.
Alicia B
06 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

I've noticed lately that my self esteem does not depend on how good I am at something anymore. It's a change that's happened sometime in the last year and a half. I used to be upset by failing a tiny thing at work, by making a mistake when I speak, b

Brandon A
06 Dec 2019 · NEW

*Hugs*

Alicia B
06 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

By not looking good enough, by not doing something creative well enough, by saying something stupid, by not being liked by some random, by losing a game. It's amazing how much I've changed. And before the antidepressants, too

Brandon A
06 Dec 2019 · NEW

I love everything about this!

Alicia B
06 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

I feel much more stable on them and thus more able to enjoy this change. The work I've been doing was not in vain, I'm sure all the reading, thinking, self-talk, exercises and journaling have all helped. But nothing has ever felt as powerful as

Alicia B
06 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

finding a therapeutic alliance. I call it that even though it's not with a mental health professional. An intimate relationship, a real human connection, love, call it what you will. I feel supported and safe and cared about for the first time in my

Alicia B
06 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

I feel like I can be myself. And work on becoming a better myself. Everything is easier

Alicia B
06 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

now. Work, sleep, creativity, relating to people, not just the one person but all people

Alicia B
06 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

Dancing, singing, thinking, sitting on a bus, doing nothing, being excited and being bored. It's the end of the year and I thought I'd take some time to appreciate this gift out loud. 2019 was amazing.

Alicia B
06 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

Thank you to the universe

Alicia B
06 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

And to the young pandas out there, don't lose hope. Life can be tough but it can also surprise you.

Robert H
06 Dec 2019 · GUARDIAN

*Hugs*

Jen B
06 Dec 2019 · HERO

*Hugs*

Tayla O
06 Dec 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

Tayla O
06 Dec 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

Inspirational ❀

John T
06 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
06 Dec 2019 · HERO

*Hugs*

Manda P
06 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Manda P
06 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

Well said, Alicia! I'm so glad you've reached this point. You are amazing & we are lucky to have you as a Panda. πŸ’ž

Alicia B
5d · LEGEND

Thank you, Manda panda πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œ

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8 Alicia B
04 Dec 2019 · LEGEND
I'm having a great time at work. I feel a little stupid because of my German, but I enjoy doing the bar and giving people alcohol in general 😁 Also, watching a film and having some free pizza is
Alicia B
04 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

pretty nice. I like coming home in the morning. I like mornings but I hate waking up early, so this is perfect. Plus, I'm getting a ton of flattery from coworkers and guests, and who doesn't like an ego massage?

Alicia B
04 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

I feel confident in both my mind and my body. If only I could come home and find there someone who is currently far away, then my happiness would be total.

Jake M
04 Dec 2019 ·

*Hugs*

Robert H
04 Dec 2019 · GUARDIAN

*Hugs*

Tayla O
04 Dec 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
04 Dec 2019 · HERO

*Hugs*

Jeff M
04 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Jeff M
04 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

Glad you're enjoying the job, even with the language barrier!

Manda P
04 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Manda P
04 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

So happy to see this much green! I'm glad things are going well. Sounds like you are a rockstar at the new job!

me M
04 Dec 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

Anna D
04 Dec 2019 · 1+ YEAR

*Hugs*

Alicia B
06 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

Thank you, pandas

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7 Alicia B
02 Dec 2019 · LEGEND
On the way to my second of five consecutive night shifts. Feeling good. Very happy about my German language progress. I'm lucky to have my language brain πŸ˜€ I'm so chill about a new job, meeting new
Alicia B
02 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

people, speaking a new language. I'm so lucky to have changed in this way. Being chill makes life a hoot.

Alicia B
02 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

I think the ssri is making me more energetic.

John T
02 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Manda P
02 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

That's awesome, Alicia! I'm so happy for you! πŸ’ž

Tayla O
02 Dec 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

Jeff M
03 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Alicia B
04 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

Thank you

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6 Alicia B
29 Nov 2019 · LEGEND
I'm officially starting work on the 1st of December. I've gad a safety training day yesterday and met some of my colleagues. They seem nice. Been to a lovely concert after that, danced my head off,
Alicia B
29 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

met the musicians.

Manda P
29 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Manda P
29 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

Hope your first day goes well. I wouldn't mind dancing my head off!

John T
29 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

John T
29 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

I thought you were dancing your toys off...?

Tayla O
29 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
01 Dec 2019 · HERO

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
01 Dec 2019 · HERO

Good luck

Alicia B
02 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

Lol John my typos stay between you and me, OK?

John T
03 Dec 2019 · LEGEND

😜

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6 Alicia B
24 Nov 2019 · LEGEND
I got my contract and I'm starting work on the 1st of December. Found out about something that's happened to someone I love. It made me feel... flattened. Of course, I'll be OK and I want to know
Alicia B
24 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

things. But maybe this is a good test. Sometimes people don't know if they love someone or not. Feeling great amounts of empathy for them is probably a good sign.

Tayla O
24 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

Jeff M
25 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

John T
25 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
25 Nov 2019 · HERO

*Hugs*

Ian D
27 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

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7 Alicia B
22 Nov 2019 · LEGEND
MTG night with Alex and Zhenya. Loved hanging out with bros XD. I used to hang out with guys a lot and feel very much like one of them. I've missed it. The jokes in poor taste, the unimportance of
Alicia B
24 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

everything looking good and proper, the ability to completely check out of reality to play a game. I'm not saying those are male qualities, just the qualities of these two guys and me.

Tayla O
24 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

John T
25 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

nixiblu .
25 Nov 2019 · HERO

*Hugs*

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8 Alicia B
21 Nov 2019 · LEGEND
Had a lot of fun cutting cards (long story) and playing with a dog today. Feeling good in general. I think Sertraline has kicked in. I feel good but strange, like is this still me?
Alicia B
21 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

I've been in pain for as long as I can remember. I've wanted it to stop for such a long time, but who am I without it? It's been the driving force in my life, what's going to drive me now? Don't get me wrong, it's been getting me into trouble.

Alicia B
21 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

It's made my life into a mess even I myself couldn't justify or explain. It was a familiar mess though. What now? It's probably a short-term rest though. I should just enjoy it while it lasts. The mess will be back, no need to miss it.

Alicia B
21 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

I'd like to take this time to work and make some money. I'm still waiting on that contract though, I don't know what's gone wrong. Hopefully, it's all just a big screw-up.

Tayla O
21 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

Jeff M
22 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Jeff M
22 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

I can relate to this. When I manage to drag myself out of deep depressive periods, I do sort of miss that person. There's comfort in knowing the pain is real when the lack of pain feels unreal. Plus, I often am most inspired by pain...

Manda P
22 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Alicia B
24 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

I get that, Jeff, and I think there's also a little voice that thinks I don't deserve to be happy and joy unnatural for me. It is a powerful voice, but it's wrong!

Manda P
28 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

I've heard that voice before too.

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8 Alicia B
18 Nov 2019 · LEGEND
Going to my first driving theory lesson today. In German, so that's going to be suboptimal, but what can you do. It's either that or take the bus every time. Feeling peaceful. Optimistic. Appreciative
Irène L
18 Nov 2019 · NEW

*Hugs*

Tayla O
18 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

Spacekitten V
18 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

Jeff M
19 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Jeff M
19 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

Best of luck! Or, rather, hope it went well!

Albertine M
19 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Manda P
19 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Manda P
19 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

How'd it go?

sonny S
20 Nov 2019 · 1+ YEAR

*Hugs*

Alicia B
24 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

It went ... I didn't understand anything but otherwise it was great )))

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9 Alicia B
17 Nov 2019 · LEGEND
Yesterday was such a happy day because of J. The situation is less than perfect but I can't help but feel certain. And happy. Also, I've spent the night playing MTG and hanging out with people.
Alicia B
17 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

It's so strange but my social anxiety is just gone. Since when? How? Why? I have no idea, I need to think about it. I'm really curious.

Jason E C
17 Nov 2019 · SUPPORTER

*Hugs*

Tayla O
17 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

Gabrielle H
17 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

Shelley H
18 Nov 2019 · HERO

*Hugs*

sonny S
18 Nov 2019 · 1+ YEAR

*Hugs*

Jeff M
18 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Albertine M
19 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Manda P
19 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

sonny S
20 Nov 2019 · 1+ YEAR

*Hugs*

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6 Alicia B
15 Nov 2019 · LEGEND
I've been brought up to ignore my feelings as not important. I've been learning to listen to them lately. It appears that winter with it's cold and dark brings mild flashbacks. I get hypervigilant,
Alicia B
15 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

I feel fragile and somewhat unreal. The world around me also feels unreal. Having someone in your life who asks you how you feel about things is amazing, it can promote so much change. In winter I feel very close to how I'd felt back in Russia.

Alicia B
15 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

Very unprotected and small. That makes me miss people who were not necessarily good for me. I'm not upset at all though. Just curious as usual to take my thoughts apart and see how they work. This is the first time ever I've felt able to handle this

Alicia B
15 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

particular type of flashback. I've had them since I was 16, maybe even before that. Interesting.

Alicia B
15 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

For those of you who don't know me, I am 36 now. Healing takes time and work. If you are young, don't despair, there's plenty of good stuff waiting for you, too.

Tayla O
15 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

charlotte C
15 Nov 2019 ·

*Hugs*

Spacekitten V
15 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

Linnea K
15 Nov 2019 · NEW

*Hugs*

Shelley H
15 Nov 2019 · HERO

*Hugs*

paul M
15 Nov 2019 · 1+ YEAR

*Hugs*

Manda P
15 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Manda P
15 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

Well said, Alicia! I hope the winter treats you well. πŸ’ž

Alicia B
17 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

Thank you, Manda <3

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7 Alicia B
14 Nov 2019 · LEGEND
A good day. Had a talk, did a walk, watched half of season 2 of The End of the ***ing World and some football. Lovely.
Tayla O
14 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

Jeff M
15 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Jeff M
15 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

I just started season 2. Didn't think it needed another season after how the first one ended, but I do like this dark comedy, so I hope it goes well!

Alicia B
15 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

I totally agree, Jeff, it was a piece of art as a mini-series. But it's funnier now, so I guess it's all good :)

Manda P
15 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Manda P
15 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

Looking forward to checking the new season out. We're drowning in football & basketball over here.

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6 Alicia B
12 Nov 2019 · LEGEND
A nice boring day. Went for a walk. Feeling grateful for my J. And for some things about myself, too. I'm doing OK I think.
Tayla O
13 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

Robert H
13 Nov 2019 · GUARDIAN

*Hugs*

Jeff M
13 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

mrflimflam R
13 Nov 2019 ·

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nixiblu .
14 Nov 2019 · HERO

*Hugs*

Manda P
15 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

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5 Alicia B
11 Nov 2019 · LEGEND
Today was tough. I've signed up for driving school, and thoughts of driving give me flashbacks. I felt like an utter piece of *** today. I do hope I can work through it because I would love to drive.
Alicia B
11 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

It's been a 4 all day but I've talked to J at night and that felt like an 8 :) <3 <3 <3

Shelley H
11 Nov 2019 · HERO

*Hugs*

Gabrielle H
12 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

Jeff M
13 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Manda P
15 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Manda P
15 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

I love driving. It used to terrify me but now I only get nervous on the interstate. Good luck with it. Sure am glad you have J. ❀️

Alicia B
17 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

Thank you, Manda, I'm glad too! And I hope I like driving just as much as you do.

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9 Alicia B
10 Nov 2019 · LEGEND
I've danced today, and my dance teacher was impressed by me, and that was the first time in my life someone was impressed by my physical ability... A day to remember!
Gabrielle H
11 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

Tayla O
11 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

John T
11 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

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8 Alicia B
07 Nov 2019 · LEGEND
On the train back home after a trial night at work. I really liked it! A beautiful place and the long-forgotten feeling that the night belongs to me. When I was a teenager night was the only time I
Alicia B
07 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

felt good at home. My mum was asleep and I was finally able to relax. It's still the same when she comes to visit. And even when she's not here I still love night time. I love the quiet and the mystery of it, too. I also like the feeling of

Alicia B
07 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

liberation I get when I leave home by myself. It makes no sense these days but the feeling is still very much alive. I've thoroughly enjoyed myself today.

Tayla O
07 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

Jeff M
07 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

Happy you enjoyed yourself! There is something so magical being out in a quiet, dark night. A little mysterious, a tiny bit dangerous...it's a cool feeling!

Anna D
07 Nov 2019 · 1+ YEAR

*Hugs*

Manda P
07 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Manda P
07 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

Glad to hear you liked the trial run! I get scared at night if I'm by myself. πŸ˜•

John T
08 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

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7 Alicia B
04 Nov 2019 · LEGEND
Day 13 on Sertralin, feeling pretty good. The shift that happened in my mind during the last crisis was for the better, too, I feel like a new, better me. Let's hope it sticks :)
Tayla O
04 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

Spacekitten V
04 Nov 2019 · 6+ MONTHS

*Hugs*

Brandt B
05 Nov 2019 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
05 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Jeff M
05 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

I hope so too, Alicia! I am also always inspired how much you learn from and accept the bad periods.

Alicia B
07 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

thank you, Jeff, that's such a lovely thing to say

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7 Alicia B
03 Nov 2019 · LEGEND
Dancing and hanging out with people today. A bit of a hectic weekend, I would have liked to have some quiet time. I feel pretty good though.
Kimberley C
03 Nov 2019 ·

*Hugs*

Jeff M
04 Nov 2019 · LEGEND

*Hugs*

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