was honest and admitted I might not come back and that i was planning suicide. So doctor detained me. On tuesday a different doctor intends to discharge me from hospital. After which i will kill myself. Getting discharged because i have previously
absconded intending to kill myself. Wish i could be around to hear what the coroner makes of this absurd decision.
Tell both Doctors your plans, Nick. Forget the past, you've got a lot to give! You are a great Panda. I thought things were changing for you, even if not, they will eventually. I hope you find some hope!
What you are planning to do is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Please don't end your book with empty pages left in it. Things *will* get better. Everything is transitory, things *can't* suck forever.
Please stay with us and continue getting treatment (whatever it takes, even if it's ECT) until you achieve remission. It could be that you need something in addition to the antidepressant, and you may need a faster titration onto the antidepressant.
Its always worth keeping fighting buddy, there are so many more years which will be filled with joy - we feel the ***tiest because we cannot see how good our future can be. Keep strong, everyone here at least is behind you x
He is no longer with us 😞
Is this for real? Please say it isn't...
Stayed in all day so kept safe
Glad you are safe, you can always talk to me if you need to x
I had some negative side effects from AD medication before. Starting out, I had what I guess is the side effect described as depersonalization. I couldn't feel any emotions. I remember my sister had gotten me flowers and I was looking at them but I
couldn't like them. It lasted a couple of days as far as I remember. Apart from that, I do remember having some unpleasant experiences when I had drank alcohol, especially if I had forgotten a dose or two accidentally.
I would advise not to drink while on the meds. Alcohol is a depressant after all. . . Anyways, hope you feel better soon. Try to make sure you eat and sleep well. Get some exercise if you can.
If your motivation is very low and you are finding it hard to enjoy activities, try to find SOMETHING that is at least distracting if not enjoyable. Talk to someone supportive of particularly low. Even a helpline if necessary. Best wishes X
Some good advice. Most anti depressents will take 4 weeks to have positive effect. Hang in there Nick
Nick, we haven't heard from you for some time, how are you coping?
Very badly. Being discharged on tuesday which terrifies me. I'm certain I'll be dead within a week if i actually survive until discharge. My thinking is entirely dominated by suicide.
Oh Nick! The discharging must be so scary, but I hope you will have some help when out. You have proven you are strong, i hope you find some.
Strength within yourself to make it outside for just a few days, to see how it feels. That you will be able to take it 1 day at the time, lr even a few hours at the time. It is a lot to ask for, but I think you can do it. 💜
Excellent. Small steps. It's not easy, but we're all trying the best we can.
Great!! Slow steps and you will get there! ❤️
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Even a little hope is a monumental achievement!
It makes me happy to hear that.
Good luck Nick
Good luck dear Nickxx
That is good news. A lot of possitive can happen in 6 months. This law change is great.
It's fair to say this one change is changing my view of living. I can actually see me getting through this. Thank you all for your lovely comments and hugs.
I appreciated the last paragraph best. Acknowledging the difficulties, but ends with notes of optimism, hope and courage. Courage being not the absence of fear, but the willingness to soldier on despite the fear.
Well said, Love!
And huge thanks to everyone for the hugs and super supportive comments. They really do mean a lot to me. They have really helped me get through all the days on which i haven't set out to kill myself despite wanting to. And they make a huge difference
on days like today when i do set out to kill myself and in my eyes fail. But i know i have made quite a few people happy today by staying alive. I'll take that as a positive.
Big hugs Nick
I hope you're ok, Nick. It's fine to leave MP, but please don't take a more permanent out. Always remember that people care about you and are there to help you.
Nick :( wish I could give you a real hug
I would love that. Sadly never going to happen. You take care you are a very special young woman. Others will see your talent soon. Lots of love and enormous hugs.
I am still alive. The Beachy Head chaplains got me before i could jump. I can't even begin to explain how bad that makes me feel right now. But i know it makes lots of people very happy.
Dear Nick, whatever you do, I respect that. I will miss you here on MP though, a lot!! Huge huge bearhug and who knows we might meet up again❤️
Nick - very glad you're still here but I can only imagine how hard things re right now. Still wishing you hope and holding you in my thoughts. Lots of love xx
It's awesome that you are alive. Always believe in yourself and love yourself. 😂
Maybe there is a reason you are not succeeding. i for one am happy you are still here.
I am happy to see this, Nick. You're a good, intelligent, caring person. You're suffering. A lot of us understand that. But we hope you give your future self a chance! Know that we value you and are glad you're still here!
Great news! Fingers crossed xx
That is really really good news!!!
Big hugs Nick, I hope you get through this rough patch x
Nick, Hope you are feeling better now and have some support around you. It's a beautiful spring day here in London.
Nick, how are you. Thinking of you. ❤️
At least it is good to hear from you again. Was a bit worries. Hope your mood improves soo !! ❤️
I'm there too. Hope it changes for us soon
Nice to see a post but hope you start feeling a bit better soon xx
Great to see you post. I hope it turns around very soon for you.
Thank you for all the hugs and comments. Feeling constantly suicidal for months is hard even when your mood is ok. When your mood is on the floor it is very hard to deal with. I'm still talking to nurses, psychiatrist, psychologist HCA's and other
patients. Really to anyone who will listen. But I don't honestly know how much longer I can go on. I'm even looking at opportunities for suicide on the ward today. Plenty of self harm and gesture options. But no real killing choices 😯
Oh, Nick. So sorry to hear that. I thought you were doing a bit better! Apparently I was wrong. Please stay with us a bit longer! ❤️
Honestly Lieteke I am trying NOT to kill myself harder than I have ever tried anything in my life before. I just really do not know how much longer I can do it for. Normally people only see my happy smiley face on the ward. Just now I'm sitting in
the communal area with tears streaming down my face and snot dripping from my nose. Not a very pretty site. But i literally daren't go to my room just now.
I admire your strenght and your honesty. You must be exhausted. I wish I could come over to just give you a hug, to give you some strength and happiness. You so deserve it
Thanks Lieteke. A virtual hug will have to suffice 🤗 And yes, I am mentally and physically exhausted. I've been running on fumes for weeks and now the tank is empty. I really do not know if i can continue any longer. But if I can't please don't
anyone hate me for it. I've really really tried.
I know how hard you worked at it, Nick. I won't hate you. Will miss your comments a lot, though. I am still hopeful you will get the strength to continue from somewhere.
I attempted and went to an an inpatient thing. Made it through the other side, even though I never thought I would. It's possible!
In the last 16 weeks I've spent three nights not in hospital! Three of those weeks in ICU after my attempted suicide. Thirteen weeks in psychiatric hospital. It has made no difference at all. I feel as suicidal now as i did back in November four
weeks before my first hospital admission. If anything life seems more pointless now than it did then. I honestly don't know if I'll still be around this time tomorrow.
It takes time. Stick with it. Reach out and talk to whomever you can.
Where there's life, there's hope.
Or in my case where there's life there's hope of hope. It's the thing that is missing from my existence just now...
Still trying is commendable. May your efforts be rewarded with peace.
disorder'. We never get around to talking about what has caused me to be like I am and have been for all of my life. No wonder we are not progressing. Treating a symptom not the cause!
Hope you had a fun evening. Tried adding you but it won't let me 🙈 big hugs :)
Going through a divorce myself. We'll make it through!
What is going on Nick?
Oh Nick, I'm sorry- thinking of you xx
Just really low mood today. Part of the normal pattern for me. Just had a run of good days for a short while so low mood feels extra bad for now...
That's why I was bit worried. Lately you were so positive. Hope the good feeling comes back soon again.
Big hugs xx
I hope this doesn't last long. You've been doing so much better. We are all pulling for you.
Thank you pandas for the hugs. And extra big thanks to tasha for the big hugs ☺ it's very cold in cambridge today. And i feel very low 😪 and sleepy
Congratulations. So proud of you!!!
That's great news!
Well done :)
I was in a very bad place. I do seem to have moved on a little. Today i have been looking for voluntary work and sent off several application forms. Tomorrow we revisit housing options.
This is the best thing I've heard all day!
Oh thank you Michelle that is so kind of you. How are you doing today?
Nick I am well thank you.
Such good news Nick! I want you to be able to hang on to hope - fingers crossed. xx
You have always been honest about your plans, so they should let you go. Where will you be going, Tesco for a nice afternoon tea?
Back to unlimited unescorted leave. Psychiatrist accepts it was a one off. So yes Tesco this evening :)
Happy for you
Wow, great news. They realise se you are a man of your word. Enjoy Tesco
Last time she unblocked me i sent her a link to something she is very interested in and she blocked me again. So I'm a bit confused. Perhaps I'll know more once i speak to the police sergeant who was helping me yesterday
Have you tried speaking to her?
Not for a while. The last time i phoned her she hung up as soon as i spoke. Then blocked me on Facebook. I can't go to the house and don't want to approach her at work. So speaking is a tough task.
Hey, I block my father's number sometimes (Im his son). If I would give you advice, it is to act like my age, and to be really flexible (sometimes unreasonably) and to be trustibg. You aren't my father, so my advice may not work. But hey,
Knowledge is power
:( Nick, are you still with us?
For a few hours more...
And now for quite some weeks more. Currently sitting in Eastbourne police station awaiting transport back to Cambridge. Never even got as far as beachy head :(
Nick I am so grateful to know that your light still shines in this world
Glad to hear you're still around xx
Happy you're still here
I wish you real peace and true happiness this lifetime.