a part-time job. I have to arrange a meeting with a representative from the medical clinic who breached my data and I am feeling nervous about it. I thought it was what I wanted and I actually requested it as apart of the resolution procedure but now
I'm just filled with anxiety and uncertainty over it. 🙈 I am concerned about how I will look, whether or not I will remember everything I want to say, whether or not I will articulate myself well and whether I will be happy with the outcome or not.
The good news is they are prepared to offer me monetary compensation but instead of feeling relieved that I will get some money I feel full of uncertainty about how much to expect and/or accept. And disappointed with myself that I may have to use
this money to cover expenses, instead of being able to budget the money I have at my disposal or to be able to supplement it with part-time work.
I still feel concerned about my lack of focus and difficulty maintaining my train of thought/being easily distracted.
I feel inadequate because of my career situation and I fear that I won't find a job that I can manage without falling apart.
And having to rely on social welfare and now feeling like I'm in a position where I have to re-evaluate my position because of financial pressure, I had planned on getting a part-time job but I just don't feel ready yet, I feel like I have let myself
down and like I'm a failure, unemployable 'unfit to work' as the occupational health physician said.
Thanks Ann. Just had a little cry and let myself feel the emotions instead of trying to block them out. And I just messaged my sister to see if I can call over to her so that I won't feel as lonely.
Cry sometimes it helps to get your emotions out and then empty. It is better than anxiety. Maybe bad advice but still...Wish you to see the bright side of life)
That's a really tough situation. I'm so sorry to hear that.
Thank you Ann L, I agree with you that crying is a healthy release! / Thanks for your support, tEnT S! :) Mandy and Ann J, thanks for hugs!! :D
Also, feeling sick after binging tonight so I am having acid reflux which isn't helping. And my mind is rather busy with ideas, too!!
Other note to self - gardaí passed by in the car outside at 2:11. Strange but maybe they were just patrolling.
Thanks for the all the hugs, guys! 🤗😘
you're going 2 do great !!
Thank you nat!! Thank you Mandy and Nixi for the hugs!! 😁
losses but I am hopeful and optimistic that 2021 will bring better things for me as I continue my DBT therapy and my comittment to finding a life worth living. My story doesn't end here and there is plenty of room for improvement in my life . . .
2021, let the improvements begin I say!!
Thanks ladies 💞💕💞
Merry Christmas KT.🌲🌲🌲💫let the Covid get out from this planet as soon as possible.
Merry Christmas! Mine was fab ☺️ thank you
The days off are a gift.
Lovely to hear from everyone and hugs! Nice emojis too, Ann! Here's to a better year in 2021! 🤞🏾🙌🏾🥳🎊🎉🤗😘😍🥰
That's great your Xmas went so well, Alicia! You seem to be doing really well these days, happy for you!!! XxXx
I have found this song very uplifting. It has helped me reach a place of self-acceptance.
Thank you all!!
Sounds like Tone Loc.
What does that mean, Love? :)
Tone Loc is a rapper, one hit wonder. In the 80s he had a song called Wild Thing. Sounds like him on the Madagascar soundtrack.
Turns out, I was wrong. Looked it up. Its Will I Am.
Ah I see! Yes I know this song, Wild Thing! It's a good one! I didn't know who sang it!!! Thinking of it now, I can see where you thought the voices sounded similar!!
really making some breakthroughs and putting 100% into my recovery these days. DBT course started. Also receiving input from Occupational therapist and will start with dietitian soon too. I'm getting lots of support all round now but mainly really
trying to recover, to self-improve, to get through this and find a better way of living for myself. I am fully comitted to making the changes required for my recovery! Took a long time but I got here! . . . Thank you, thank you, thank you panda
friends for supporting me all the way!! You guys are the best! So great to have suport and validation and to be able to relate to others and feel less alone. I really can't thank you all enough for boosting my spirits on many of my darkest days past.
Sincere thanks from the heart, KT Bear xxxx
You're doing your work and that's commendable.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us ❤️
Thanks for hugs. Thanks Alicia, so nice to receive such support and genuine interest from fellow pandas! :D
Nice to hear that!
thanks all xxxx
niece or nephew!! :D I am godmother, too! :D
Yay! So exciting! Hope everything goes ok.
I hope your sister will be ok.
for me etc. but I am also scared of putting them at risk by going downstairs and trying to make myself something. Cough is worse today. I feel like I need my inhaler but I don't think I brought it with me when I moved. Starting to fear that this is
Covid more now because I have been feeling so wiped out and ***ty. This just feels different to things I have had before. Either way, I am young and quite healthy. Low immune system and susceptibility to sinus infections and asthma th.. . No point
denying it. I'm scared of this.
Hope you feel better. It's ok to be scared, but make sure you're getting the help you need.
Do they offer covid testing in your area? Better to know and take necessary measures to keep yourself and others safe. Either way, hope you recover quickly from whatever is ailing you.
Hope u feel better soon. Try going to a covid test centre coz it's better not to take a risk
I hope you'll get better soon ❤️
We haven't felt well either so we got Covid tests. Waiting on the results. It's probably nothing but it will be a peace of mind to know. Feel better soon!
Oh, you got tested. That's good!
I have been waking up very fatigued of late, so I think I am maybe trying to avoid that. There is also a feeling like I will miss out some important revelations/awakenings/epiphanies if I switch off. So it's like I'm running and running, trying to
harness this creative and productive wave. The wave is building up a huge swell, I'm trying to coast it out and not fall off my surfboard.
Hope this makes some sort of sense.
Try and wait for what they say before going nuts... It's what I tell myself in moments like this. Big hugs. Keep us posted.
Thanks all. That's a great approach
Alicia, thank you for great tip!!
Good to hear that.
Update: 8:34 Made it through the night. The dark mood has passed. Thanks for hugs! 🤗 👍🏾
PS I'm living in a rental, so it would have to be a temporary reversible solution
I'm pretty sure u can just take the door off, u can put it back on as easy as u took it off. an easier solution could be pinning a sheet above covering the mirror which is quick and and simple to do and remove :)
Hi Arianna, thanks. I don't think I can remove the door, it's a sliding one and very big. I would have nowhere to store it. But the sheet is such a simple idea. I think I will do that! Thanks!😁👍🏾
I go through periods of not being able to look at myself. It can be hard catching a look at yourself when it feels like the last thing you want to see. An easy fix is to cover mirrors with a sheet or sometime I just tape cardboard over them.
You can turn it into an Accountability Mirror. Check out David Goggins on Impact Theory.
Thanks Max T and Love for tips! I will check these out! Thank you John for hug! Hope you are all doing well xxx
more interactive than I had imagined. They really spend time in hearing from all participants and thrashing things out with them. It was validating to hear how other people had very similar experiences to mine. I could definitely relate to a lot of
the examples that people gave. Don't get me wrong, I was quite anxious at the start especially as we started with a mindfulness practice because I cangl get quite self conscious in front of people doing that, which was heightened by the fact that I
could see my own reflection on the screen as well. Sometimes it was difficult to follow where they were in the worksheet but overall it was good. I think I will get on well at it and find it helpful.
I had chosen to drive somewhere safe and quiet so I could do the session on my laptop in the car. Experienced some technical difficulties. First my audio would work after the break, got it back working but camera wouldn't work. Then I ran out of
battery on the laptop and had to rejoin on my phone so there was a bit of an interruption there. But I just asked the group facilitator to repeat the home tasks so that I would know what I had to do for the next week.
Also, I realised that I parked near a security camera and was worried that I had exposed the group to being recorded. I checked the position again. I think the camera was more so facing towards the back of the car, so I think it aoul have been ok. It
Even if it was pointed facingy laptop screen, it would have not picked up the audio and I even think it would have been difficult to pick up much detail of the faces on the screen from that distance too. It's still niggling at me though. I will let
the group facilitators know next week or else try to inform them later today or during the week. I might even disclose it to the group and apologise. . . On the one hand, I feel like keeping it to myself because upon inspection, I don't e don't think
the camera was at the right angle to see the laptop screen at all but on the other hand I feel guilty and feel like I should disclose, offer my apologies and be more careful where I park next time! 🤷🏽♀️
Under pinning it all, is the feeling like I'm leading a double life, trying to keep my diagnosis, my medication, my attendance at DBT a secret from my housemates and from most people that I know. The weight of the pressure of trying to maintain my
privacy and dignity weighs quite heavily on me all the time, sometimes more heavily than others.
Also, during groups, I was quite fidgety and restless. I found it hard to sit still for so long, especially in the car where I didn't have so much space and where it got a bit cold. I may need to re-evaluate the doing group sessions in the car idea
for the winter because it will be colder and darker then, so it mightn't suit as well. Also, if the laptop charge won't last, that's no good. The phone will be easier I think because it will be rleasier to recharge it from the car.
I might get little blinds/pull-down covers for the windows of the car too, so that I won't have to worry about people passing by looking in or anything like that.
Anyways, that's a lot of extra little details/things to think about and refine, so that my experience will be easier/better. Overall, I enjoyed it. It is quite a lot of information to think of and it is a bit tiring too. Just really trying to sit
myself now and see how I feel and what I need while I still process everything. 😊
Wow, thank you for sharing, it was really interesting to read about your experience. I haven't started group DBT yet, and I'm a bit worried about doing it in German which I don't speak well, but I'm looking forward to it at the same time. I know
from working in different places with cameras that most of them don't record, so it shouldnt be a big problem for
your group in my opinion.
Thanks, Alicia. I must say one thing that was really great about the group was that everyone was very supportive of each other. They were all so welcoming! It made it easier to participate and engage. I hope you don't mind my asking, why do you have
to do the groups in German if it is not your native language? Is it just a result of your living circumstances (as in you live in Germany but not from there or something). My impression of DBT so far from my reading and f f
from watching videos online about it etc. is that it enables the participant to really gain the skills to manage and navigate their way through crises, without depending on other people to rescue them or to take the flack/the brunt of their
wild mood swings. For myself, I am really just hoping, I will start to find my way back to a life that is worth living. I suppose the silver lining to my current situation is that there is lots of room for improvement, lots of potential for things to
be better. I have come across a mantra/affirmation online a few times recently, 'The best is yet to come'. I really like this one, as I feel it is true to my situation. Overall, to date my life has been quite messy at times, there have been many,
many struggles (life can feel like such a battle sometimes) but I do have a small kernel of Hope inside me that believes it when I see/hear the mantra, 'The best is yet to come'. I believe that DBT is going to help me get there. So far, for me, it
has been quite difficult but I am giving it 100% and I believe that over time, I will begin to reap the rewards and the benefits. I hope the same for you too, Alicia. I know that it will be more uncomfortable doing groups with the language barrier
but my impression of you is that you are a strong, driven soul, a fighter. So I think you will do your best to make it work! Go us!! haha! Sending happy vibes! KT xxx <3 <3
Thanks all pandas for hugs :) :) xxxx
find my card reader which I need to update my address with the bank. Also, haven't been able to find my bluetooth headphones in a good while now. It's bothering me because I use them a lot and I can't think of where they are gone. I'm even a bit
suspicious that my housemate might have taken them. (He tried to sell me a chair that was in my room when I moved in and he also tried to sell me bluetooth headphones, while I was listening to bluetooth headphones, so i wondered if he took them to
sell them online maybe.) I do recall having them on downstairs and taking them off to hear what he was saying to me, now that I think of it. Did I leave them there accidentally that time and he took them then?! . . . Trying to be careful not to let
my suspicions run away with themselves as I have no proof. But it is unusual that they haven't turned up yet and it is annoying. I am missing them.
Everyone helped out with the cooking and the dishes.
It was really. So far, I prefer this place and these housemates to the last place (smaller room, the landlord controlled the heating remotely) and last housemates. No-one here does shift-work, everyone is respectful. There is an understanding that
everyone mainly keeps their own dishes and food and cleans up after themselves. I much prefer this way. In the last place, other people used to use my dishes but then not clean them properly/there were more shared dishes and I had a press in the
back room which was more awkward to access your food/ingredients when cooking in the kitchen. Also, the washing machine was right in front of the sink which was a really bad place because people used to leave their washing basket outside it and it
was always in the way of the sink and the kettle then .. . Here, there is a separate room for the washer and the dryer, I have space in the press in the kitchen which is better and as I said - I prefer the way that people keep, use and clean their
own dishes here. It's fairer than the way it was in the last place where some people (like me) would buy things that hadn't been provided but everyone would use it. . even if they hadn't contributed anything. Which wasn't very fair. Here, it is more
of a respectful, fair understanding in my opinion! And I have to say, I kind of like living with all guys - less drama. no cat fights! Thank God for that!! haha!1
Glad it seems to be working out!
Thanks guys! Yes Manda, so far so good! :D