Having a tough week. I feel like it's time that I started up some volunteering. Its been well over a year since I have been out of work, now. But I have got very anxious about this and got stuck in a

rut of procrastination all week - above let my bedroom get messy. I haven't dusted or hoovered it in weeks. I was struggling with personal hygiene but eventually showered yesterday and quick one today. Was doing really well. Hadn't binge ate for 19

19 May 2021

days. I used a mini whiteboard to tick off each day I didn't binge eat and had a weekly reward set up as further motivation but I broke that 2 days in a row. Really struggling with not feeling like cooking since Sunday. Have ate very little. 18:43

19 May 2021

and all I ate today so far has been two scrambled eggs. I haven't done my daily diary card at all since my last therapy appointment and next one is tomorrow so I feel very guilty about that. Found out on Monday group therapy was cancelled on Tuesday

19 May 2021

but hadn't done the homework yet and I still haven't looked at it now that I have until next Tuesday. Feel very stuck in a rut and dismayed that my 'breakthrough phase' was so short-lived. I'm also stueggling with texting people back I get like this

19 May 2021

sometimes when I am stuck in a rut or going through a rough patch. Then I don't feel like talking to anyone except my boyfriend but then I feel guilty when I have just ignored friends' texts for days when I would usually answer back straight away.

19 May 2021

Or definitely within a day or two if it's someone I don't talk to regularly. Nervous about therapy tomorrow. Not feeling confident at all.

19 May 2021

KT is sounds like you are putting your best foot forwards in your recovery , try not to b too nervous about group tomoro,you may come out feeling lighter-i got bus to my support group this morning and it was helpful,have a good day tom🌻🌈🌀

19 May 2021
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Feels like I am making some major breakthroughs in therapy right now. Feeling excited, hopeful, determined, commited, dedicated, productive, inspired, content, proud, relieved.
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Feeling bad (mainly physically but also emotionally) after a binge eating episode. Struggling with motivation to keep up with homework for my therapy programme/normal self care lately a lot as well.

Thank you so much everyone xx

04 Apr 2021
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Sending love to all my panda friends today and everyday. I hope that no-one is feeling isolated, lonely, missing an ex or current partner, or a lost loved one today. Love to all!
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Current worries: I have spent all of my savings and now I will have to drastically cut back on my spending or else apply for social housing support which I don't want to do. I don't feel ready to get

a part-time job. I have to arrange a meeting with a representative from the medical clinic who breached my data and I am feeling nervous about it. I thought it was what I wanted and I actually requested it as apart of the resolution procedure but now

12 Jan 2021

I'm just filled with anxiety and uncertainty over it. πŸ™ˆ I am concerned about how I will look, whether or not I will remember everything I want to say, whether or not I will articulate myself well and whether I will be happy with the outcome or not.

12 Jan 2021

The good news is they are prepared to offer me monetary compensation but instead of feeling relieved that I will get some money I feel full of uncertainty about how much to expect and/or accept. And disappointed with myself that I may have to use

12 Jan 2021

this money to cover expenses, instead of being able to budget the money I have at my disposal or to be able to supplement it with part-time work.

12 Jan 2021

I still feel concerned about my lack of focus and difficulty maintaining my train of thought/being easily distracted.

12 Jan 2021

I feel inadequate because of my career situation and I fear that I won't find a job that I can manage without falling apart.

12 Jan 2021

And having to rely on social welfare and now feeling like I'm in a position where I have to re-evaluate my position because of financial pressure, I had planned on getting a part-time job but I just don't feel ready yet, I feel like I have let myself

12 Jan 2021

down and like I'm a failure, unemployable 'unfit to work' as the occupational health physician said.

12 Jan 2021

Thanks Ann. Just had a little cry and let myself feel the emotions instead of trying to block them out. And I just messaged my sister to see if I can call over to her so that I won't feel as lonely.

12 Jan 2021

Cry sometimes it helps to get your emotions out and then empty. It is better than anxiety. Maybe bad advice but still...Wish you to see the bright side of life)

12 Jan 2021

That's a really tough situation. I'm so sorry to hear that.

12 Jan 2021

Thank you Ann L, I agree with you that crying is a healthy release! / Thanks for your support, tEnT S! :) Mandy and Ann J, thanks for hugs!! :D

13 Jan 2021
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4:55 - too hot in bed. Was the same last night. Just remembered that I swapped my duvet right before I left for Christmas. Have thrown duvet off and have blanket instead. Hope it works! 🀞🏾

Also, feeling sick after binging tonight so I am having acid reflux which isn't helping. And my mind is rather busy with ideas, too!!

04 Jan 2021

Other note to self - gardaΓ­ passed by in the car outside at 2:11. Strange but maybe they were just patrolling.

04 Jan 2021

Thanks for the all the hugs, guys! πŸ€—πŸ˜˜

06 Jan 2021
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Time to get real. Tomorrow, I am starting a proper effort to eliminate binge eating, develop healthy, regulated eating habits and to lose the 5stone I have put on since March 2019. It starts tomorrow.

you're going 2 do great !!

04 Jan 2021

Thank you nat!! Thank you Mandy and Nixi for the hugs!! 😁

06 Jan 2021
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I never really fully embraced the concept of the New Year but I think I can accurately declare that 2020 has been the worst year of my life for a number of reasons. Lots of lows and loss, not so many

losses but I am hopeful and optimistic that 2021 will bring better things for me as I continue my DBT therapy and my comittment to finding a life worth living. My story doesn't end here and there is plenty of room for improvement in my life . . .

01 Jan 2021

2021, let the improvements begin I say!!

01 Jan 2021

Thanks ladies πŸ’žπŸ’•πŸ’ž

04 Jan 2021
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Merry Christmas ya filthy (panda ;) animals! Hope everyone is enjoying the holidays despite Covid as much as possible, even though the experience is different this year!!

Merry Christmas KT.πŸŒ²πŸŒ²πŸŒ²πŸ’«let the Covid get out from this planet as soon as possible.

26 Dec 2020

Merry Christmas! Mine was fab ☺️ thank you

26 Dec 2020

The days off are a gift.

29 Dec 2020

Lovely to hear from everyone and hugs! Nice emojis too, Ann! Here's to a better year in 2021! πŸ€žπŸΎπŸ™ŒπŸΎπŸ₯³πŸŽŠπŸŽ‰πŸ€—πŸ˜˜πŸ˜πŸ₯°

01 Jan 2021

That's great your Xmas went so well, Alicia! You seem to be doing really well these days, happy for you!!! XxXx

01 Jan 2021
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For anyone struggling with body dysmorphia/body image issues/low self confidence or self-esteem, this song - Big and Chunky from the Madasgar movie, link below!!

I have found this song very uplifting. It has helped me reach a place of self-acceptance.

28 Nov 2020

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDnPFxnALBg&list=RDzDnPFxnALBg&start_radio=1

28 Nov 2020

Thank you all!!

23 Dec 2020

Sounds like Tone Loc.

24 Dec 2020

What does that mean, Love? :)

26 Dec 2020

Tone Loc is a rapper, one hit wonder. In the 80s he had a song called Wild Thing. Sounds like him on the Madagascar soundtrack.

26 Dec 2020

Turns out, I was wrong. Looked it up. Its Will I Am.

26 Dec 2020

Ah I see! Yes I know this song, Wild Thing! It's a good one! I didn't know who sang it!!! Thinking of it now, I can see where you thought the voices sounded similar!!

27 Dec 2020
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I want to thank all of my panda friends for really being there for me and supporting me throughout my time on MP, but especially over last 6 months or so. It has been a really tought time but I am

really making some breakthroughs and putting 100% into my recovery these days. DBT course started. Also receiving input from Occupational therapist and will start with dietitian soon too. I'm getting lots of support all round now but mainly really

22 Nov 2020

trying to recover, to self-improve, to get through this and find a better way of living for myself. I am fully comitted to making the changes required for my recovery! Took a long time but I got here! . . . Thank you, thank you, thank you panda

22 Nov 2020

friends for supporting me all the way!! You guys are the best! So great to have suport and validation and to be able to relate to others and feel less alone. I really can't thank you all enough for boosting my spirits on many of my darkest days past.

22 Nov 2020

Sincere thanks from the heart, KT Bear xxxx

22 Nov 2020

You're doing your work and that's commendable.

23 Nov 2020

Thank you for sharing your journey with us ❀️

26 Nov 2020

Thanks for hugs. Thanks Alicia, so nice to receive such support and genuine interest from fellow pandas! :D

26 Dec 2020
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6:53am Thursday morning my beautiful little nephew was born. I haven't been able to see him yet but anytime I see a picture or video I'm blubbering like a baby myself! haha! Such a joy!! :D
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My sister has been induced. She may need a C-section. She is updating us via the family WhatsApp. Nervous for sister and that the delivery goes OK but also very excited for the arrival of my first

niece or nephew!! :D I am godmother, too! :D

18 Nov 2020

Yay! So exciting! Hope everything goes ok.

19 Nov 2020

I hope your sister will be ok.

19 Nov 2020
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Things have gotten worse very quickly . I am feeling quite ill right now. I don't feel like I have the energy to look after myself properly. I don't know my housemates well enough to ask them to cook

for me etc. but I am also scared of putting them at risk by going downstairs and trying to make myself something. Cough is worse today. I feel like I need my inhaler but I don't think I brought it with me when I moved. Starting to fear that this is

18 Nov 2020

Covid more now because I have been feeling so wiped out and ***ty. This just feels different to things I have had before. Either way, I am young and quite healthy. Low immune system and susceptibility to sinus infections and asthma th.. . No point

18 Nov 2020

denying it. I'm scared of this.

18 Nov 2020

Hope you feel better. It's ok to be scared, but make sure you're getting the help you need.

18 Nov 2020

Do they offer covid testing in your area? Better to know and take necessary measures to keep yourself and others safe. Either way, hope you recover quickly from whatever is ailing you.

18 Nov 2020

Hope u feel better soon. Try going to a covid test centre coz it's better not to take a risk

18 Nov 2020

I hope you'll get better soon ❀️

18 Nov 2020

We haven't felt well either so we got Covid tests. Waiting on the results. It's probably nothing but it will be a peace of mind to know. Feel better soon!

18 Nov 2020
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In other news, have had some Covid symptoms. Awaiting test results, will get on Friday or Saturday. Meanwhile, have to wait for the all-clear there before I get the other health worry checked out! 🀞�
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Another one of those nights. Calm but mind is very busy. This past week or so has been very tough. It's all very blurry now. Emotional dysregulation has been very high. Kind of scared to go to sleep.

I have been waking up very fatigued of late, so I think I am maybe trying to avoid that. There is also a feeling like I will miss out some important revelations/awakenings/epiphanies if I switch off. So it's like I'm running and running, trying to

18 Nov 2020

harness this creative and productive wave. The wave is building up a huge swell, I'm trying to coast it out and not fall off my surfboard.

18 Nov 2020

Hope this makes some sort of sense.

18 Nov 2020
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Health issues freaking out. I just found something abnormal and the panic is building that it could be something serious. I think I will call the doctor tomorrow to get an in-person check-up.

Try and wait for what they say before going nuts... It's what I tell myself in moments like this. Big hugs. Keep us posted.

16 Nov 2020

Thanks all. That's a great approach

18 Nov 2020

Alicia, thank you for great tip!!

18 Nov 2020
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23:07 Feeling good. The second half of the day really picked up. I am feeling more normal, even happy now. I will stay up for a little while but definitely bed soon.
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5:13 I don't trust myself in this frame of mind. And phsycially feeling quite ill. Roughest night in a long time. Waiting for acceptable hour to get up and get out of the house. Feeling like ***.

Update: 8:34 Made it through the night. The dark mood has passed. Thanks for hugs! πŸ€— πŸ‘πŸΎ

13 Nov 2020
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I know no-one will judge here. I want to cover the large mirrored door of my wardrobe as it is bothering me to see my reflection so often. Does anyone have any experience/tips for this please? πŸ˜•πŸ˜¬

PS I'm living in a rental, so it would have to be a temporary reversible solution

13 Nov 2020
arianna G
  NEW

I'm pretty sure u can just take the door off, u can put it back on as easy as u took it off. an easier solution could be pinning a sheet above covering the mirror which is quick and and simple to do and remove :)

13 Nov 2020

Hi Arianna, thanks. I don't think I can remove the door, it's a sliding one and very big. I would have nowhere to store it. But the sheet is such a simple idea. I think I will do that! Thanks!πŸ˜πŸ‘πŸΎ

13 Nov 2020

I go through periods of not being able to look at myself. It can be hard catching a look at yourself when it feels like the last thing you want to see. An easy fix is to cover mirrors with a sheet or sometime I just tape cardboard over them.

13 Nov 2020

You can turn it into an Accountability Mirror. Check out David Goggins on Impact Theory.

14 Nov 2020

Thanks Max T and Love for tips! I will check these out! Thank you John for hug! Hope you are all doing well xxx

16 Nov 2020
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