rut of procrastination all week - above let my bedroom get messy. I haven't dusted or hoovered it in weeks. I was struggling with personal hygiene but eventually showered yesterday and quick one today. Was doing really well. Hadn't binge ate for 19
days. I used a mini whiteboard to tick off each day I didn't binge eat and had a weekly reward set up as further motivation but I broke that 2 days in a row. Really struggling with not feeling like cooking since Sunday. Have ate very little. 18:43
and all I ate today so far has been two scrambled eggs. I haven't done my daily diary card at all since my last therapy appointment and next one is tomorrow so I feel very guilty about that. Found out on Monday group therapy was cancelled on Tuesday
but hadn't done the homework yet and I still haven't looked at it now that I have until next Tuesday. Feel very stuck in a rut and dismayed that my 'breakthrough phase' was so short-lived. I'm also stueggling with texting people back I get like this
sometimes when I am stuck in a rut or going through a rough patch. Then I don't feel like talking to anyone except my boyfriend but then I feel guilty when I have just ignored friends' texts for days when I would usually answer back straight away.
Or definitely within a day or two if it's someone I don't talk to regularly. Nervous about therapy tomorrow. Not feeling confident at all.
KT is sounds like you are putting your best foot forwards in your recovery , try not to b too nervous about group tomoro,you may come out feeling lighter-i got bus to my support group this morning and it was helpful,have a good day tom🌻🌈🌤
Thank you so much everyone xx
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a part-time job. I have to arrange a meeting with a representative from the medical clinic who breached my data and I am feeling nervous about it. I thought it was what I wanted and I actually requested it as apart of the resolution procedure but now
I'm just filled with anxiety and uncertainty over it. 🙈 I am concerned about how I will look, whether or not I will remember everything I want to say, whether or not I will articulate myself well and whether I will be happy with the outcome or not.
The good news is they are prepared to offer me monetary compensation but instead of feeling relieved that I will get some money I feel full of uncertainty about how much to expect and/or accept. And disappointed with myself that I may have to use
this money to cover expenses, instead of being able to budget the money I have at my disposal or to be able to supplement it with part-time work.
I still feel concerned about my lack of focus and difficulty maintaining my train of thought/being easily distracted.
I feel inadequate because of my career situation and I fear that I won't find a job that I can manage without falling apart.
And having to rely on social welfare and now feeling like I'm in a position where I have to re-evaluate my position because of financial pressure, I had planned on getting a part-time job but I just don't feel ready yet, I feel like I have let myself
down and like I'm a failure, unemployable 'unfit to work' as the occupational health physician said.
Thanks Ann. Just had a little cry and let myself feel the emotions instead of trying to block them out. And I just messaged my sister to see if I can call over to her so that I won't feel as lonely.
Cry sometimes it helps to get your emotions out and then empty. It is better than anxiety. Maybe bad advice but still...Wish you to see the bright side of life)
That's a really tough situation. I'm so sorry to hear that.
Thank you Ann L, I agree with you that crying is a healthy release! / Thanks for your support, tEnT S! :) Mandy and Ann J, thanks for hugs!! :D
Also, feeling sick after binging tonight so I am having acid reflux which isn't helping. And my mind is rather busy with ideas, too!!
Other note to self - gardaí passed by in the car outside at 2:11. Strange but maybe they were just patrolling.
Thanks for the all the hugs, guys! 🤗😘
you're going 2 do great !!
Thank you nat!! Thank you Mandy and Nixi for the hugs!! 😁
losses but I am hopeful and optimistic that 2021 will bring better things for me as I continue my DBT therapy and my comittment to finding a life worth living. My story doesn't end here and there is plenty of room for improvement in my life . . .
2021, let the improvements begin I say!!
Thanks ladies 💞💕💞
Merry Christmas KT.🌲🌲🌲💫let the Covid get out from this planet as soon as possible.
Merry Christmas! Mine was fab ☺️ thank you
The days off are a gift.
Lovely to hear from everyone and hugs! Nice emojis too, Ann! Here's to a better year in 2021! 🤞🏾🙌🏾🥳🎊🎉🤗😘😍🥰
That's great your Xmas went so well, Alicia! You seem to be doing really well these days, happy for you!!! XxXx
I have found this song very uplifting. It has helped me reach a place of self-acceptance.
Thank you all!!
Sounds like Tone Loc.
What does that mean, Love? :)
Tone Loc is a rapper, one hit wonder. In the 80s he had a song called Wild Thing. Sounds like him on the Madagascar soundtrack.
Turns out, I was wrong. Looked it up. Its Will I Am.
Ah I see! Yes I know this song, Wild Thing! It's a good one! I didn't know who sang it!!! Thinking of it now, I can see where you thought the voices sounded similar!!
really making some breakthroughs and putting 100% into my recovery these days. DBT course started. Also receiving input from Occupational therapist and will start with dietitian soon too. I'm getting lots of support all round now but mainly really
trying to recover, to self-improve, to get through this and find a better way of living for myself. I am fully comitted to making the changes required for my recovery! Took a long time but I got here! . . . Thank you, thank you, thank you panda
friends for supporting me all the way!! You guys are the best! So great to have suport and validation and to be able to relate to others and feel less alone. I really can't thank you all enough for boosting my spirits on many of my darkest days past.
Sincere thanks from the heart, KT Bear xxxx
You're doing your work and that's commendable.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us ❤️
Thanks for hugs. Thanks Alicia, so nice to receive such support and genuine interest from fellow pandas! :D
Nice to hear that!
thanks all xxxx
niece or nephew!! :D I am godmother, too! :D
Yay! So exciting! Hope everything goes ok.
I hope your sister will be ok.
for me etc. but I am also scared of putting them at risk by going downstairs and trying to make myself something. Cough is worse today. I feel like I need my inhaler but I don't think I brought it with me when I moved. Starting to fear that this is
Covid more now because I have been feeling so wiped out and ***ty. This just feels different to things I have had before. Either way, I am young and quite healthy. Low immune system and susceptibility to sinus infections and asthma th.. . No point
denying it. I'm scared of this.
Hope you feel better. It's ok to be scared, but make sure you're getting the help you need.
Do they offer covid testing in your area? Better to know and take necessary measures to keep yourself and others safe. Either way, hope you recover quickly from whatever is ailing you.
Hope u feel better soon. Try going to a covid test centre coz it's better not to take a risk
I hope you'll get better soon ❤️
We haven't felt well either so we got Covid tests. Waiting on the results. It's probably nothing but it will be a peace of mind to know. Feel better soon!
Oh, you got tested. That's good!
I have been waking up very fatigued of late, so I think I am maybe trying to avoid that. There is also a feeling like I will miss out some important revelations/awakenings/epiphanies if I switch off. So it's like I'm running and running, trying to
harness this creative and productive wave. The wave is building up a huge swell, I'm trying to coast it out and not fall off my surfboard.
Hope this makes some sort of sense.
Try and wait for what they say before going nuts... It's what I tell myself in moments like this. Big hugs. Keep us posted.
Thanks all. That's a great approach
Alicia, thank you for great tip!!
Good to hear that.
Update: 8:34 Made it through the night. The dark mood has passed. Thanks for hugs! 🤗 👍🏾
PS I'm living in a rental, so it would have to be a temporary reversible solution
I'm pretty sure u can just take the door off, u can put it back on as easy as u took it off. an easier solution could be pinning a sheet above covering the mirror which is quick and and simple to do and remove :)
Hi Arianna, thanks. I don't think I can remove the door, it's a sliding one and very big. I would have nowhere to store it. But the sheet is such a simple idea. I think I will do that! Thanks!😁👍🏾
I go through periods of not being able to look at myself. It can be hard catching a look at yourself when it feels like the last thing you want to see. An easy fix is to cover mirrors with a sheet or sometime I just tape cardboard over them.
You can turn it into an Accountability Mirror. Check out David Goggins on Impact Theory.
Thanks Max T and Love for tips! I will check these out! Thank you John for hug! Hope you are all doing well xxx