Should have waited because i contacted two people and one actually specialises in my speech and met her yesterday. Was given free information and advice for an hr compared to the 150 i paid for the same thing to someone else for an hr. I felt
Desperate to get support but now i just feel at ease and even more at ease from yesterdsys meeting. So i just cancelled this mornings session. saving money and i will just focu on my mental health cause its at its worst when im not well and now im
Almost fully healed my speech is alot better as ive noticed every year or every time i get better.
I feel bad for cancelling though and i am noticing the emotions im feeling from this and i need to chill lol cause its not even a big deal.
The people i worked with today were amazing. I also learnt to believe in my self with the new skills im learning . Being told i am 8/10 great a a new skill is amazing. Self doubt is a killer.
That i got this far again to feel healed and in the process of healing.
Big hugs !:)
Thanks soo much🤗 you are too :)
Thanks Albertine :)
It because im literally like a 7 or 8 outta 10 better. Im at a stage where ive got to keep fighting it to get to a 10. But my friend keeps saying its gone which is positive thinking etc but keeps dismissing me. Im saying i have to be realistic and i
Have to focus on healing cause its proper suffering to struggle with mental health. The minute i can feel fully relived from it i will know. Cause its my experience and no one should be dismissed from what they experience. He is speaking from a
Christian point of view and its actually irritating me. I love the words cause its like speaking into existence but again im the one going through my experience and i can say yes its gone because i believe it but im still healing. A broken leg still
Has to heal so dismissing mental things shouldn't be treated diff
I don't know if me feeling a but annoyed by it is me over reacting but it slightly upsets me.
And i don't feel like replying to him till i feel more chilled. I am definitely better though and i pray that this is the last year i will ever have to experience. I can't deal with it again and its been coming back every year but i have faith.
I just need to keep fighting
We had to repeat the pastors words in prayer last sunday. And one of the lines was to say ' i am a bad person' i get the point of the prayer as we all sin etc but for me to repeat that was a trigger as thats the thoughts i always have when im at the
Bottom of the well
I really feel like church is very one sided with alot of things and my decision to stop going church made sense to me and now im back 2 weeks in i do like being there but i feel on the edge. Whatever i decide to do ive never stopped believing in God.
My environment is important to me and if i feel off at some point im just not going anymore.
I shouldn't have to go somewhere feeling anxiety. Someone said something about my nose piercing and how she used to have one but she took it out cause she wants to be serious for God. I don't get that mentally. How does something physical thay causes
No one harm becomes unserious for God. The littlest things and judgements from some christians really annoys me. Anyways rant is done feels good typing that outta my head.
Being judged on unnecessary thinfs like having a piercing for example or the music you listen to. All these things are art so i don't get how its bad asif its harming anyone or a sin lol wth. So yeah if i feel like that in this new church im not
Going again but doesn't change the gact that i believe in God. Theres just many things i don't like and feel comfy about. I don't want to feel forced to do anything.
From these feelings that i haven't fully developed yet and just enjoy being in a stable and free head space. I don't want to be thinking about a guy. I have better things to priortise. I can already see how much energy and time ive wasted for 2 days
Having someone on my mind and im also almost healed from the heart break from my ex which is amazing so i'd rather be fulled healed from that first before anything. :)
It was a good day today. Still need to structure my day better but its all good.
And everything is just falling into place. So again i am sooo glad i didnt allow my the madness in my head to alike me to take my life. The hope that was deeply instilled in me never gave up.
Its so good to not be scared to be outside or to be around people. Its so good to have a clearer headspace again.
This was so nice to read! Glad things are getting better. Keep going! X
Thank youu Tayla xox
Well done - great to see your hard work pay off! x
Thank you Albertine xox
caused you pain. But it took me by suprise the random encounter so i was a bit shakey. However i was really good. It was good vibes and i felt happy to see this person. I mean i always do but it was more peaceful for me. I can say with my chest now
That i have definitely grown from the painful experience and it was for a reason. I feel more free from it. I really wish this person the best and i feel it more from an almost healed place that it coming from a painful place within.
The bond and vibe can never be broken but i feel more free from it.
I am enough and i know my worth. 🙏🏾
Like a mixture of anxiety and stomach upset. But i didnt feel anxious on the train but i defo felt the feeling in my chest. It went away when i got to work. After work my evening went well. I felt really good and my mind was stable. It was refreshing
To feel like myself
Very grateful 😭😇🙏🏾
I hardly ate today though timings got a bit delayed so didn't eat as much. I can imagine how much greater i would have felt if i ate enough
I really need to sort my sleep pattern :s i've been saying this for ages 😅 . I'll start from tomorrow to work on it. Then next month i'll start waking up around 5 or 6 am. I need to utilise every hour that i have in the day. I'm feeling ready again
To do things. Still taking my time with things but wow i am proud of myself for not giving up when my mental health was at its worst that i couldn't carry on. I am very grateful. I still get bad days i am not even fully healed yet but its a process