The only one who can help me right now with the pills is my sister. So I swallow the pride and ask her over and over again because that's the only thing that really helps me and she evoides every time. And I keep writing to her and asking and feeling bad about it.

And it will make me remember that she could help and not help. I still hope she helps. She is meanwhile every day says tomorrow but if she tells me no I just will not talk to her anymore in life.I will stay in touch because I don't like disconnection

2 days ago
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I ran out of pills that helped me. The only thing that really helped me. Everyone gets it easily, only I just can't get what I want. And now I have to go through detox with the noise. They helped me on long trips and I live far away and don't know how I could travel without them.

I asked my sister and she just is not trying to help and it reminds me exactly who my family is. The only one who helped me with this was H and I don't think that if I ask him he will help me when he thinks I am just turning to him because of it

2 days ago

Also, my new counselor doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere.And I already thought I finally found someone good who could help and not so expensive. But I have been through so many bad counselors like that I can give them advice.

2 days ago

I think he's a good and honest person but I'll have to end it. But I paid until the end of the month so I'll give it one last chance. After him I don't go to anyone anymore. I'll start being my own coinselor.

2 days ago
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I made an appointment to renew my passport. I don't know if I will go until then, but the thought of being able to fly far from here does me good. The main thing is far. From them.
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Now quiet all day but I can't get up. I tried every day last week to get up and it came back. I can't even enjoy the quiet. I'm in fear and anxiety that it will come back and that I will not be able to get up anymore. I enjoy the quiet and feel guilty as if I did something wrong
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I feel bad, insecure, I can't move forward in anything from where I am now. In the noise. And I need to think about moving. But I have no power and no budget for now for this thing.

I can relate, me. Hang on in there

09 Oct 2021

Thank you Alicia <3

10 Oct 2021

Food is best. Warm soup is best in this situation. :P

7 days ago

Thanks, I was just thinking of making soup yesterday

6 days ago
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I had about an hour of quiet in the morning, so I did a few things. And now the noise is loud but even this hour has given me some strength to keep going. So I'm thankful for that.

I wanted to talk to my counselor but the noise came back. And I want to write to him too. I don't know ,waiting for it to calm down a bit can take a few days: (( or write now

08 Oct 2021

It's hard to believe that a week ago. I had the same dilemma. And I called him in the noise. And I didn't know then that the situation would get worse and that I would not be able to talk at all after that all week. Am I too optimistic even now?

08 Oct 2021
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I just want quiet. That I'm not going to get this weekend :( I have so much to deal with and thoughts that I don't want to focus anymore on this noise

It's been almost 2 months.

08 Oct 2021

Thanks for the hugs

08 Oct 2021
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I don't know where to go to have some quiet.

Thanks

07 Oct 2021

I've been wanting for a week and a half but can't talk to my counselor on the phone because of the noise and tension my body is in.

07 Oct 2021
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I wish I could go right now to some nice and quiet place and be alone!! For at least a few days. But where. Everything is expensive in our country. I don't have a valid passport. And to go anywhere you need a corona test and I have nowhere to do it.
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It's back. God wants to destroy me once and for all. To Abuse me.

I'm so stupid and naive. I really thought I would have a quiet day! And I lifted myself! I thought I would have quiet until the end of the week

05 Oct 2021
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I tried for years to live with the suffering. To say that everything is in mind and I am responsible for my energies. but it's impossible. Nothing can be done in a state of noise and heat and chaos. Nothing can be achieved without the support of at least one person.
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Today I have to lift myself up from long days of suffering. for what. The suffering will return on the weekend or before. For what to lift myself at all.

The only way is to make more money. The money I're making right now is just not enough to move forever

05 Oct 2021

And I have nowhere to go either. All my stuff here. I have no way to move them. And I don't want to move and spend money on rent.

05 Oct 2021
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A month and a half of endless suffering. And now the weekend will bring with it exactly the same thing. Even if I continue with my counselor, nothing will help with such low energies.

04 Oct 2021

I don't know where to go. I just know that if I go it's just when knowing I will never return. Otherwise it is better to stay here. Because going back is worse than staying.

04 Oct 2021
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I had an argument with my family. They are not really a family. They are more trying to blame me in any given situation for my suffering and telling me to move apartment. But I have no money to move apartment.

They just lower me and talk behind my back because I'm not willing to go to work at what they want. Another goal in life is to get as far away from them as possible. I always forget and help them for what they are asking for

03 Oct 2021
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I'm afraid tomorrow will be like this too please God no. Stop the suffering.
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I had hoped that today would not be worse but I was wrong. Much worse than yesterday. As if that is possible.

03 Oct 2021

*getting it*

03 Oct 2021
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The worst thing in life is that life gives you hope. Again and again and again and then you are disappointed. Then you can no longer trust them. The worst thing is to be happy that something finally happens and then the worst happens
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I'm afraid tomorrow is going to be worse than today

How can it be that all days are bad. Why are there also no good days Why am I only 2 days a year with quiet in life.

02 Oct 2021

No one can ever blame me if I get back in touch with H. This is my only run away to at the moment.

02 Oct 2021
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I've had the best 2 days ever! I had quiet, and time for myself, and I had fun. If there is quiet than no stress follow there is no anxiety. But it's over right now. Hope to stay positive

I feel like sometimes the noise comes to tell me something, that I am not on the right path. And the calm quiet that was showed me that I was on the right path. And it was nice knowing I was doing something positive for myself.

20 Sep 2021
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