(Although I'm trying) So..maybe there is a curse on me, or something negative that is broadcast to me from someone else. So how do you remove it? Apart from prayers
I feel hopeful from time to time. And I love people most of them, I think I'm a nice person. So I don't know why this will happen to me.
Bad things happen to good people, just remember you are due some goodness back! Hang in there!
Thank you Tayla O and Cat f, thanks for your support, I appreciate it
At least now you know that next time you dont have to feel bad when you dont respond
Thanks Melody and Anna
This is true Melody. but the truth that since he returned to talk I feel the opposite, that I must answer..But he had been quiet since then. So we'll see
Sometimes you have to step back to look forward.
I know at the moment for sure he's not my one(the pms here also helps me to understand this) but not answering at all feels offensive to me. If he hurt me it's his. I don't want to hurt back. So I'll probably answer it
When I miss him I think of answering the invitation. I'm a bit think he'll block me because I didn't answer it(I blocked him long ago.) But then I read old messages I kept
(the messages when he was bad at me and made me cry) and then I don't miss him anymore and think it's best that he can block and get out of my life. But then I forget the messages again and have to remind myself
to read them again. (For a couple trying to live together it is not advisable to keep such messages from past struggles.But it is the thing that helps me realize that it was neither perfect nor healthy and thus helps me look forward.
Maybe if I didn't read these messages I would try with him. And maybe I could have been good with him. If I didn't repeat things he did and apologize for them.
But as I read these messages, I realize that the situation is much better now. as it is.
I have also stored messages, pictures etc which would remind me why i have to let go. I admire you. You give me hope that it is possible to survive this, even if it takes time.
Thank you Melody Xx, I hope we both survive this
My family is far away from understanding me.Every time I think I start to get along, it comes from them. This time from my mom.
I feel like my mom is the reason I'm stuck. Whenever I decide to do something, she criticizes it and tries to show everyone how wrong I am. Instead of encouraging me and telling me she is proud of me. She didn't like H either, so I left him.
But I know it's not in my favor. Her judgment and advice are not pure motives of love.
Sounds a lot like my mother. It's a tough thing to realise... I guess we have to encourage ourselves.
Thanks Alicia, Thank you for understanding
Thanks for the hugs
I hope to be strong this time and not let it hurt me in such a way that I will go back. I don't know if I should answer the invitation.
I feel that if I don't answer the invitation (even a 'no' answer) he will not write to me anymore. And he will not want to talk to me anymore. And I don't know if it's good or bad. And if he won't write anymore.
He was good to me during difficult times. He was my best friend So far. He was the person who told me everything would be ok and calmed me down. I always wanted to talk to him. But I also had and still have a fear of him.
And I don't feel it right for me to go back. And it feels like I look back and not look forward.
But he can calmed down anyone. And he knows how to talk and listen. So I don't know if other people got that kind of treatment just because he had an interest. And not because we had anything special.
I guess time will tell if he's really a good friend. And if he gives up because of me not answering. Or get upset. So he's not a good friend.
Sending you strength!
I feel that whenever I have hope and I am a little happy then they feel it and suddenly find a reason to argue and blame and do everything for bringing me back to my old state. Which is without energy and without joy.
After that, they ok. But the energies are gone already. And it takes time to get back to myself and forget about it.
I need to recharge energy. And I also live in constant fear that H will write or call me. Fear is for both sides. Or he'll tell me he found someone. Or he'll not but he'll not let me heal.
Sounds like quite a toxic environment. I've been on those for the most of my life, I'm in one right now. It's horrible and no-one should be forced to live this way.
Thanks all,I feel like the argument is behind us and I try to focus on the positive. They also helped me in difficult times and I don't forget it to them. Maybe I don't feel deserving. That parents should help the child
Dear Alicia, It took me a long time to reach a healthy relationship with my dad. I used to see it all negative. When I realized where he was coming from. And how difficult his childhood was I could
forgive him. Because despite all this, he was a good father who gives and cares. And I'm sure it's different experience for you. But we deserve better. And I try to get it through self-education and through approach to people I can learn from who
are all I lacked .. open and loving smiles.
I'm also really sorry that you've been there too, big hugs
Thank you, me
I have to remind myself to focus on myself. Despite the interruptions
And believe in myself.
in the sun since I stopped using the ointment. So I thought if there was no sun then it could be used. So I applied.Then I remembered that in the early days it made me redden in the face. Then I thought I couldn't go out until it passed. So I
washed my face and took off all the ointment. Because I am afraid that if I start with it again then suddenly there will be sun and again I will burn from the sun.
Maybe I just applied it once a week
get stronger. It's good for me that he's releasing. And not obsessed.
The fact that he keeps writing to me maybe stop me from trying to know others. And there's always the fear of him going back to being obsessed.
for H,for telling me he loves me and wants to marry me and have children with me but I feel he can disappoint and possibly hurt me. I cried for the fact that even though I had suggestions I only wanted someone who would really love me.
To give me confidence in him. Be kind to me. To want to make me smile.
But also because of him, it all started from the argument with him
Someone else got a marriage proposal. Someone else got married. And someone else is pregnant. And with me is nothing. And nothing
And I could already be married to H and two kids but that didn't feel right to me. And I also have suggestions from guys and nobody feels right to me.
I'm proud of you that you are not settling just because of the fear of being alone like so many people. I've seen people who have the marriage and kids...but are still not happy.
I know that sometimes I left H with doubt but that's because I had doubts about him. When in this case I had no doubt.
Now I miss H :/, but I'm not allowed to talk to him, I'm need to get over him
But if it doesn't feel right to me, it doesn't feel right to me.
I'm glad I've been true to myself lately. Although I don't see any results yet.
Maybe I could be more assertive and tell him I'm not interested and not continue the conversation and explain to him why I don't know like I did. But I'm really glad I refused and stood up
He told me, it's just one date, why not, maybe you'll suddenly look at him different. well no. I won't do anything that doesn't feel right to me just because it's just an hour to go back.
And anyway, in two weeks The Pms will come. I'll be glad I didn't answer and didn't write. So just wait two weeks and breathe.
It probably means he has someone. And when he has a connection he is loyal. So he won't write if that's the case. On the one hand it sucks on the other hand is the proof that it was a false with me.
I don't want to stay stuck anymore. But it sucks right now. just two more weeks to hold on
It's just who he is. Gives me false hopes that he won't give up and fight fo me and that he really sorry. Then let me down. And as soon as I think it's over and ready to let go, he makes contact again. And it just shows what kind of man he is.
That he can give me false hopes waste my time. And as soon as someone finds out he goes on with his life.
If you decide not to give up don't give up. And if you can find someone else within a week, you just wasted my time.
I deserve better
I just hope that I stay strong to keep myself from writing to him about everything I think about.
If he hadn't been writing to me all this time (even though I didn't answer) then I would have gotten over it long ago. So he had to think about it before he wrote, That he would eventually give up
Nice to hear about that neighbour :D
Thank you all. I guss that's nice:). This neighbor gave me so much wisdom for so many things in my life without him knowing. He's a good friend. (And I think it should stay that way.)