And I don't understand how one can meet and talk to some in parallel. (Like the new guy does). I hope this is the effect of the antibiotics and that I will feel better later.
Working on myself to forget him. He's not what I was looking for. But yesterday I felt a bit better. I heard songs and felt inspired.
All conversations with H. have been deleted. And he hasn't been writing since. I'm afraid that because of his number being deleted, he forgot me. Because I don't go in and read them anymore. Because I don't have them so it affects him too.
I feel when I let them go they will all remember me. But it requires energy. But it will happen eventually.
Thanks guys <3
something will happen to me sometime. I don't know why I just want the complicated ones. And whoever wants me I don't want to. What's wrong with me.
I'm sorry I knew the new guy. I don't stop crying. I never cried like that. I had to listen to the warning sounds. And now I lose faith in meeting someone who I love more.
And do something useful. And forget him. Forget he's exists. let go. And focus on myself. And remember that those who love me will not hurt me. Like he did.
If it continues, I have very clear conditions. Just be committed only to me. I myself am not sure I want such a connection. For me, this is a compromise. Compromise my needs. And I don't want that. But just because I hate to feel that
something has failed bc of me. I'll try everything before I give up.
I will take the time to think whether it is right for me. Did I have anything to talk to. Are these feelings as false like to others in the past. Is the pain and crying worth it. The once a month meeting.
I would love to have this conversation now if I could. Because I feel like my life is on hold. It would certainly have set me free.
Thank you Manfred F
The question of whether he really is that amazing or in my imagination. Maybe time will help me see. And only if I stop thinking about it will I know objectively.
I can think of this time as a gift.
❤ always, me ❤
My mom always thought I was the most beautiful of all the siblings and I was my dad's favorite daughter. My friends always complimented me and always protected me and thought I was the best.
Then. I really don't know where all my insecurity has come from in recent years. Especially in relationships.
I think from everyone I knew, he was the most ok. And I want to try to write the good things about him. They exist. Which is scary for me. Because I'm afraid something will go wrong and then I'll blame myself. But I'll try.
It is not necessarily that he was the most ok. But it is because we are not in a relationship. It was just a project connection. And in connection with the project he was fine.
it's important to understand your pattern.
realizing mine helped me making big changes (i hope)
doesn't give me what I need and deserve.That he makes me feel bad. And not the other way around. But if he hurt I don't know. It doesn't matter to me that he's not ok. I want to be okay.
And if I'm ok I'll be happy. That's all that matters to me. That's how I was with H and others and that's why I never felt bad when something went wrong. And even then I could have let go. Because it was out of my control
But now he's distance. He rarely got into the chat. And there's a song that talks about someone breaking up.That he put, And it's a really sad song. In PMS, I am strong and distance
And now the opposite. I don't know what to do. I still hope he doesn't disappoint me. I don't know why he put this song out. Maybe because he's really hurt.
It just shows that he thinks of me but in the context of a breakup which is not good.
I know I don't have to conclude anything from a sentence in a song. But I do conclude from that a lot. And I just want to know that I was ok.
I don't want to experience a lasting breakup every day. I must know it's not my fault. Once I know it. I'll also can let go.
And I just want security. And I want to know that I can trust him. And I don't have that. So I act distance by my instincts so as not to get hurt.
And I'm glad the messages were deleted and I didn't respond. I owe him nothing. I wish I could share with H, but he is jealous man. I'm sorry I knew him (A).
he's a person who looks naive but he's not naive. And that he lied to me. Although he has no child. But he has many of women. And he's not as good and pure as I thought. And I want to delete him. But I have to know it's not my fault
H was innocent compared to him.
I regret going into it. I let him lie on me.I agreed. That I didn't ask well before I got in a relationship. But I thought I would try because that's how everyone is progressing in life and something not progress with me. Even when I try.
I thought if he was driving up to me. It shows seriousness. Well, a long drive over and over shows no seriousness. Which shows seriousness is just one thing. Confidence and secure that he will always be there.
You go find what you need. He isnt serving you and your needs. You shouldn't have to handle that kind of stress. Confront and figure out what he offers. You are stronger than you know.
Thank you Lenny +, you are so right
The results of the project do not depend on me.
And if it's bad. We don't see each other anymore. And I'm sick too. I was at the doctor and she sent me for more tests.
I don't know why antibiotics don't work on me. I need money for a private doctor.
because last time he answered me in a way that made me feel a little distant. The day before we talked and everything was fine. I must have ruined. So I don't know what to do.
And now I'm alone. And I don't have to be with me. Or at least ask me how I'm. And when someone from the past tries it makes me even more annoyed because the past is over and as soon as I let go, I let go.
that's why I would like to have a talk. So I can really let go.
Thank you guys Xxx
to go back to the doctor. I don't trust my doctor. I really hope it works so I don't have to go back to the doctor
I would have to do blood tests to see that it worked on the bacterium. But if the pain does not pass. It's a sign that it didn't work. But does it have to pass after 24 hours?
You know some of pills and injections they cumulative (if I translate right)and you have to wait a result, need time,complete blood count,and biochemical blood test it is good to do,don't stop in treating, be healthy.
Thanks Ann and Pen <3
I know that if he feels something it is not what will stop him from keeping the project. But I don't want to feel like that for two weeks.
I feel it inside. No matter where I go. If it had come from him I would have let go. But it was my fault.
I started the treat today. I hope it works. And that he won't disappoint me.
At the moment it's very quiet here. But public life is still not back to normal
Only in one region, but where I live, the situation is good
i still have no idea which country is your, meM. :) anyway i just checked, and it does not seems in germany there is a spike, but i mught be wrong because i stopped following day by day a couple weeks ago.
consult with. And I've been trying to find these pills for two weeks now and I'm afraid it won't work
Maybe I have to wait for the pms to pass and then take them. And it's really annoying that I could already be after treatment. But in our country it takes time to aprove it
for 4 months. And we've been through so much. My heart is with him. And that's it.
I know I may have hurt him. And it's the worst to think that something went wrong bc of me. I don't know how to fix it. I'll give it some time. I'll give time to do his thing.
He came to me, he was initiate from the beginning, came. If he hadn't come we wouldn't have met. He drove in the closure in Corona time. He took a risk for me.
I don't know. Maybe I wrong
And H.came up to me, too.
Obviously I'm not going to travel for anyone. It's basic that he'll come. If he asks me to meet in the middle then there's nothing to talk about.
But to tell the truth. This guy I talked to did make me smile. And so was communication. It was even easy. Maybe we can find a way to meet. But after all these guys from the site I found no interest. Suddenly I found someone interesting.
I hope I don't get into another trouble anymore.
I liked this guy.