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  518 days
  3212 hugs
  42 followers
I read some things I wrote a few years ago. I think it's my pattern. In all relationships. It's not about him. It was like that before too. I forgot I had the same thoughts and fears with H
me M
6h · 1+ YEAR

I think from everyone I knew, he was the most ok. And I want to try to write the good things about him. They exist. Which is scary for me. Because I'm afraid something will go wrong and then I'll blame myself. But I'll try.

me M
6h · 1+ YEAR

It is not necessarily that he was the most ok. But it is because we are not in a relationship. It was just a project connection. And in connection with the project he was fine.

Manfred F
6h ·

*Hugs*

Anna D
2h · 1+ YEAR

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corrado M
2h ·

*Hugs*

corrado M
2h ·

it's important to understand your pattern.

corrado M
2h ·

realizing mine helped me making big changes (i hope)

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My friend, yesterday told me I shouldn't feel bad about what happened. That I was just fine. And I don't have to blame myself. She told me he wasn't behaving well. That he wasn't there. That he
me M
22h · 1+ YEAR

doesn't give me what I need and deserve.That he makes me feel bad. And not the other way around. But if he hurt I don't know. It doesn't matter to me that he's not ok. I want to be okay.

me M
22h · 1+ YEAR

And if I'm ok I'll be happy. That's all that matters to me. That's how I was with H and others and that's why I never felt bad when something went wrong. And even then I could have let go. Because it was out of my control

Anna D
16h · 1+ YEAR

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It's as pms is over. And now I'm a completely different person. I don't hate him anymore, not angry at him. I'm angry at me if I hurt him. I just feel for him. And I'm no longer distance
me M
1d · 1+ YEAR

But now he's distance. He rarely got into the chat. And there's a song that talks about someone breaking up.That he put, And it's a really sad song. In PMS, I am strong and distance

me M
1d · 1+ YEAR

And now the opposite. I don't know what to do. I still hope he doesn't disappoint me. I don't know why he put this song out. Maybe because he's really hurt.

me M
1d · 1+ YEAR

It just shows that he thinks of me but in the context of a breakup which is not good.

Manfred F
1d ·

*Hugs*

me M
1d · 1+ YEAR

I know I don't have to conclude anything from a sentence in a song. But I do conclude from that a lot. And I just want to know that I was ok.

me M
1d · 1+ YEAR

I don't want to experience a lasting breakup every day. I must know it's not my fault. Once I know it. I'll also can let go.

tEnT S
1d · 2+ YEAR

*Hugs*

Anna D
16h · 1+ YEAR

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I feel so much pain in my body. I once couldn't wait a few days to see him. And now I have to wait until an unknown date. Or never. I can't deal with it.
nixiblu .
2d · HERO

*Hugs*

Ann L
2d ·

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I feel I hurt him. That I ruined. I don't know why. I feel he is hurt by me. I just don't want to hurt him. I will never hurt him. I'm just a human being. And he's not clear to me.
me M
2d · 1+ YEAR

And I just want security. And I want to know that I can trust him. And I don't have that. So I act distance by my instincts so as not to get hurt.

Manfred F
2d ·

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Our conversations were deleted. Includes recordings. Pictures. And messages. Accidentally. And I decided to let go. All night I had dreams of him. I woke up every hour with him in my head.
me M
3d · 1+ YEAR

And I'm glad the messages were deleted and I didn't respond. I owe him nothing. I wish I could share with H, but he is jealous man. I'm sorry I knew him (A).

Jen B
2d · HERO

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Again. I feel like he's meeting someone today. I want to let go. Right now. I don't want such a person in my life. I think he wasted my time and my project. And I think
me M
5d · 1+ YEAR

he's a person who looks naive but he's not naive. And that he lied to me. Although he has no child. But he has many of women. And he's not as good and pure as I thought. And I want to delete him. But I have to know it's not my fault

me M
5d · 1+ YEAR

H was innocent compared to him.

me M
5d · 1+ YEAR

I regret going into it. I let him lie on me.I agreed. That I didn't ask well before I got in a relationship. But I thought I would try because that's how everyone is progressing in life and something not progress with me. Even when I try.

me M
5d · 1+ YEAR

I thought if he was driving up to me. It shows seriousness. Well, a long drive over and over shows no seriousness. Which shows seriousness is just one thing. Confidence and secure that he will always be there.

Lenny +
5d ·

*Hugs*

Lenny +
5d ·

You go find what you need. He isnt serving you and your needs. You shouldn't have to handle that kind of stress. Confront and figure out what he offers. You are stronger than you know.

me M
4d · 1+ YEAR

Thank you Lenny +, you are so right

Anna D
4d · 1+ YEAR

*Hugs*

Jen B
4d · HERO

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I feel stress. I feel fear. That the project will stop (not because of us) and I won't see him anymore. Because it will be so long before we can see each other. And it's not up to me.
me M
5d · 1+ YEAR

The results of the project do not depend on me.

me M
5d · 1+ YEAR

And if it's bad. We don't see each other anymore. And I'm sick too. I was at the doctor and she sent me for more tests.

me M
5d · 1+ YEAR

I don't know why antibiotics don't work on me. I need money for a private doctor.

Manfred F
5d ·

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I miss him. Today is a week we didn't talk. The project is on hold. But he wanted to keep it. He was inside. And I didn't answer him
me M
5d · 1+ YEAR

because last time he answered me in a way that made me feel a little distant. The day before we talked and everything was fine. I must have ruined. So I don't know what to do.

Manfred F
5d ·

*Hugs*

Ann L
5d ·

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Laura B
5d ·

*Hugs*

corrado M
5d ·

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Feels really low. Maybe it's a combination of pms and the side effects of the treat. But I feel alone. And I'm disappointed I gave the new guy all my time for five months.
Jen B
6d · HERO

*Hugs*

me M
6d · 1+ YEAR

And now I'm alone. And I don't have to be with me. Or at least ask me how I'm. And when someone from the past tries it makes me even more annoyed because the past is over and as soon as I let go, I let go.

me M
6d · 1+ YEAR

that's why I would like to have a talk. So I can really let go.

Shelley H
6d · HERO

*Hugs*

Manfred F
6d ·

*Hugs*

Penelope P
6d · LEGEND

*Hugs*

me M
5d · 1+ YEAR

Thank you guys Xxx

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I started taking antibiotics for 28 hours. And the pains haven't passed yet. I don't know what that means. Does that mean the antibiotic is not working. And that needs to be replaced. I don't want
me M
6d · 1+ YEAR

to go back to the doctor. I don't trust my doctor. I really hope it works so I don't have to go back to the doctor

me M
6d · 1+ YEAR

I would have to do blood tests to see that it worked on the bacterium. But if the pain does not pass. It's a sign that it didn't work. But does it have to pass after 24 hours?

Penelope P
6d · LEGEND

*Hugs*

Ann L
6d ·

*Hugs*

Ann L
6d ·

You know some of pills and injections they cumulative (if I translate right)and you have to wait a result, need time,complete blood count,and biochemical blood test it is good to do,don't stop in treating, be healthy.

me M
4d · 1+ YEAR

Thanks Ann and Pen <3

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I woke up in the morning with a bad feeling. I'm mad at him. But the project is on hold for at least the next two weeks. And also I ignored him and I don't know how to fix it
me M
7d · 1+ YEAR

I know that if he feels something it is not what will stop him from keeping the project. But I don't want to feel like that for two weeks.

me M
7d · 1+ YEAR

I feel it inside. No matter where I go. If it had come from him I would have let go. But it was my fault.

Anna D
7d · 1+ YEAR

*Hugs*

me M
7d · 1+ YEAR

I started the treat today. I hope it works. And that he won't disappoint me.

Ann L
7d ·

*Hugs*

me M
7d · 1+ YEAR

Thanks girls:)

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4 me M
29 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR
Do you also have an increase in corona virus in your place? We have a significant increase here but life goes on right now, but it is increasing every day.
Manfred F
29 Jun 2020 ·

At the moment it's very quiet here. But public life is still not back to normal

Manfred F
29 Jun 2020 ·

*Hugs*

Anna D
29 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

*Hugs*

Anna D
29 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

Only in one region, but where I live, the situation is good

corrado M
29 Jun 2020 ·

i still have no idea which country is your, meM. :) anyway i just checked, and it does not seems in germany there is a spike, but i mught be wrong because i stopped following day by day a couple weeks ago.

corrado M
29 Jun 2020 ·

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2 me M
28 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR
Wake up at five in the morning. I had to start treatment a week ago and still waiting for the pills to come. And now I don't know if it will work because I'm in pms. And I have no doctor to
me M
28 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

consult with. And I've been trying to find these pills for two weeks now and I'm afraid it won't work

me M
28 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

Maybe I have to wait for the pms to pass and then take them. And it's really annoying that I could already be after treatment. But in our country it takes time to aprove it

Robert H
28 Jun 2020 · GUARDIAN

*Hugs*

Laura B
28 Jun 2020 ·

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tEnT S
28 Jun 2020 · 2+ YEAR

*Hugs*

Manfred F
28 Jun 2020 ·

*Hugs*

corrado M
28 Jun 2020 ·

*Hugs*

Ann L
28 Jun 2020 ·

*Hugs*

Anna D
28 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

*Hugs*

Jen B
29 Jun 2020 · HERO

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3 me M
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR
I feel like I just love the not-so-new guy (A)and that's it. I don't want to know anyone else. It is either he or no one else. After our meetings. After he drove all the way to me. After I know him
me M
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

for 4 months. And we've been through so much. My heart is with him. And that's it.

me M
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

I know I may have hurt him. And it's the worst to think that something went wrong bc of me. I don't know how to fix it. I'll give it some time. I'll give time to do his thing.

me M
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

He came to me, he was initiate from the beginning, came. If he hadn't come we wouldn't have met. He drove in the closure in Corona time. He took a risk for me.

me M
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

I don't know. Maybe I wrong

Sergey F
26 Jun 2020 ·

*Hugs*

Jen B
26 Jun 2020 · HERO

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Manfred F
26 Jun 2020 ·

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Anna D
27 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

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4 me M
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR
I talked to someone on the phone and then he told me I lived too far. Then I remembered the new guy who came to me. And didn't complain that I lived far away. And he didn't ask me to come up to him.
me M
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

And H.came up to me, too.

me M
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

Obviously I'm not going to travel for anyone. It's basic that he'll come. If he asks me to meet in the middle then there's nothing to talk about.

me M
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

But to tell the truth. This guy I talked to did make me smile. And so was communication. It was even easy. Maybe we can find a way to meet. But after all these guys from the site I found no interest. Suddenly I found someone interesting.

me M
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

I hope I don't get into another trouble anymore.

me M
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

I liked this guy.

Ann L
26 Jun 2020 ·

*Hugs*

Laura B
26 Jun 2020 ·

*Hugs*

Anna D
27 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

*Hugs*

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4 me M
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR
I was so comfortable that the new guy didn't press every day, giving me my time, and I could feel comfortable with him and talk to him. Is it just because two days ago he
me M
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

coolly replied should I release him? Maybe he went through something. Maybe he was tired. Maybe someone annoyed him.

me M
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

I can't never hurt him. After 4 months you get to know a person. And it feels most comfortable compared to new people. And I don't know if I could ever love someone the way I loved them.

me M
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

And I don't want to settle for less. And now I'm the one to blame that I didn't answer him for two days. And I don't know how to get out of it. Not answering him, It wasn't nice from me to do it.

me M
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

I feel I hurt him. It's not like I did something so terrible. All in all, I didn't answer 'Okay.' But I can't live with the thought that I will hurt him. But maybe he should understand that he is the one who hurt me. And if he gives up on me

me M
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

then he probably didn't like me enough.

Ira T
26 Jun 2020 ·

*Hugs*

Shelley H
26 Jun 2020 · HERO

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4 me M
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR
Feeling good. Feel the feeling of letting go. I don't usually write when I'm feeling good because I'm afraid it'll go away. But it goes anyway. I don't feel dependent on anyone. Right now.
me M
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

And that I don't need the new guy. He can start worrying about whether I wante him

me M
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

really. The women he goes with. I have no idea how it relates to me. I'm not even worried whether he finds someone or not. I know who I am. And what was between us. If he finds other then I will find better too. I'm not worried at all.

Shelley H
26 Jun 2020 · HERO

*Hugs*

me M
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

Thank you Shelley Xxx

Spacekitten V
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

*Hugs*

Ann L
26 Jun 2020 ·

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Manfred F
26 Jun 2020 ·

*Hugs*

Anna D
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

*Hugs*

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3 me M
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR
I signed up for a dating site. I had a hundred messages. I don't even care. I'm out of there. One hundred messages and I find no interest in anyone. I'm just still thinking about H. And about
me M
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

the new guy. I don't understand how people move on so quickly. And why something stuck in my life.

Pearl E
26 Jun 2020 ·

*Hugs*

Manfred F
26 Jun 2020 ·

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Shelley H
26 Jun 2020 · HERO

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Ann L
26 Jun 2020 ·

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Anna D
26 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

*Hugs*

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2 me M
25 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR
He put so many problems into my life. Made me cry for days. Just a month ago I cried day and night because of thinking he haid a child. And now I have to deal with the problems he brought to the
me M
25 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

the project. Alone.

me M
25 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

Now I don't answer him. And I don't care. He will be treated like all the guys get from me.

Tinker B
25 Jun 2020 ·

*Hugs*

Manfred F
25 Jun 2020 ·

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Jen B
25 Jun 2020 · HERO

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corrado M
25 Jun 2020 ·

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Laura B
25 Jun 2020 ·

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Shelley H
25 Jun 2020 · HERO

*Hugs*

Melody L
25 Jun 2020 · 1+ YEAR

*Hugs*

Tinker B
25 Jun 2020 ·

*Hugs*

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