Got myself a new phone. Feeling rather odd but physically I'm feeling better than usual. I had to make a new FB account for it though...Not sure what to do with the whole... selective friends thing.
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Tattoo needs recovering, room needs cleaning, I need to gain some weight and a slight tan. Pasty white doesn't suit me
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I don't really know how I'm supposed to feel right now. It's a lot to process but I guess what's done is done.
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Decided to have a drink tonight and honestly I've felt better and more alive than I have in a few weeks. Doesn't mean I'm gonna be drinking constantly but it's sad. Wish I didn't need drink to be that
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I wish I could say no to 'are you alright?' Maybe then I'd feel somewhat normal but I just can't. It's easier for me to hide than go through my complicated complications. Is this what I want to do???
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Discovered a lot about myself last night whilst being deep in thought. Realised I've been holding myself back, fighting parts of myself I didn't realize I had. What do I do? Accept them?

Don't really understand, probably language barrier, but maybe you should decide who do you want to be. Surely you should accept all the parts of yourself, but more important what you gonna do with it later.

02 Jun 2020

But of course accept that those do exist even if you don't like them. And you shouldn't love every part of yourself, it's ok. But it's important to respect yourself with dark and light colors of your soul, only then you are true art

02 Jun 2020

Embrace it and find yourself definitely x

02 Jun 2020

Even though you didn't entirely understand due to a language barrier that was still some pretty amazing advice Ira. Thank you.

04 Jun 2020
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Don't see why I get my hopes up. That's one of the most common mistakes I make these days. Bring myself just to be disappointed. I'm just a fool with a huge sprinkling of idiocy.

I have a motto to help when feeling like this: 'hope for the best, but expect the worst' it's a little bleak for some, but it might help

25 May 2020

I totally agree with Max here! I have the same motto honestly! I'm always here for you if you need a chat lovely xo

25 May 2020
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And I think it's gonna be a long long time Till touch down brings me round again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home Oh no no no

I'm a rocket Man

23 May 2020

Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone 🎢🎢

23 May 2020
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Don't really know if I've made the right choices lately but I ain't as down or stressed. I just wish I could make more time for someone close to me. Hopefully you know who you are. πŸ’ž
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I'm sure there's a point. Think about things that make you happy. From my experience it changes every day. What made me happy yesterday might not make me happy today.

11 May 2020

That's very true. It's difficult because each day can be so different from the last. My head almost can't keep up but thank you for the wise words.

12 May 2020

Thank you everyone else for the hugs c:

12 May 2020
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What goes around comes back around. I used to keep up with 6 conversations at once and now I can't cope with 4. I sense that I've become a bad friend to a lot of people. But what classes as a good one

As are you. I could say that a million times aha.

09 May 2020

Thanks guys und girls

09 May 2020

You're a great friend hunny x

08 May 2020

Thank you 😊 as could i x

09 May 2020
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*sigh* from when I wake up tomorrow I don't wanna speak a single word for as long as I can. Only speaking when absolutely necessary. Less people will be hurt that way.
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There's a lot going on. Life took a turn. Half-Brother said I'm just difficult for the sake of it. Full Brother is making me feel like a controlled slave. Doesn't help with the past we have either....
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Time quickly revealed an answer today. I messaged an old college friend today and things went great. Something lifted from my conscience. Today I've really felt like I could get better mentally c:

That's awesome!

25 Apr 2020

Thank you Mel, you're awesome for saying that c:

25 Apr 2020
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The past is tearing me apart and I can't let it go. I don't even how or where to begin. Hopefully time will reveal some sort of answer.
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3 - 4 years ago my life was bliss. With no regret and no complaint for my day to day life...now I'm drowning in regret and sour memories. I've reached out but they all just tell me I'm a typical teen-

ager and that it will pass or I'm being overdramatic or even worse, telling me to suck it up buttercup.

22 Apr 2020

I should try and talk to other people more but I can't consistently talk to people and it's making me feel like a bad friend. Like I walked out of 100s of lives...and all for what? *Sigh*

22 Apr 2020

I'm trying to hold onto what little care and humanity I have but God damn, waking up everyday and wanting to disappear sure keeps eating away at me and wearing me down...I'm just so exhausted all the damn time...

22 Apr 2020

Maybe if I showed I cared more then people might care more about me but in reality I'm just another human being. Nobody special with nothing to contribute to society. I wish I didn't regret being born as I didn't have a choice in it but somedays-

22 Apr 2020

It's all I can do.

22 Apr 2020
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The hardest thing for me to do is ask for help or to even message people first. I feel like a bad friend for not talking to people more but my headspace is always too crowded to concentrate....

I feel like this a lot, Mark. You're not alone in this.

15 Apr 2020

good evening ! You ,dear deserve support and companionship . when i get to talk to people i care about i basically tell them that i appreciate their company so much and that i get happy around them but can't communicate in certain situations

15 Apr 2020

edit: You ,dear Mark deserve support and companionship.

15 Apr 2020

i hope your friends understand this too <3

15 Apr 2020

Thank you all for the huge, e

16 Apr 2020

Max it's nice to know I'm not alone and Thank you Ethan, I hope they understand as well but only time will tell for that

16 Apr 2020
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Gotta start thinking away from myself and try and bring back the me I like. Hopefully make some new friends in the process but we will never know.

Hope all goes well for you lovely 😊

11 Apr 2020
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I don't like seeing so much red. I'm not a constant downer and hope I don't come across as one. This is just a place for the thoughts that go through my head.
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